How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Hate

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You probably spend a great deal of time feeling defeated and frustrated by the narcissist in your life. You see how they treat other people (and yourself), and it’s appalling.  You certainly know what you don’t like in your relationship. But have you ever wondered how to make a narcissist miserable?

Just for the record, trying to make a narcissist miserable might have its place for a short period of time, but I don’t recommend focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably have an effect on your mental health and energy levels.

But, if you need a quick fix, let’s get into the top 12 things all narcissists hate. 

how to make a narcissist miserable
How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

1 – Lack Of Acknowledgment

It’s no secret that most narcissists revel in admiration and validation (except for ‘closet narcissists’). They depend on constant approval to maintain their sense of intrinsic worth. To achieve this goal, they absorb (or steal) the energy of other people to feel good about themselves. 

Do you ever wonder why narcissists don’t seem to mind the negative attention? It’s because negative attention also fuels their narcissistic fire. The negativity is still attention, and any form of attention gives them the incentive to keep going. It gives them the motivation to keep proving themselves. 

In fact, they often like negative attention better because if you’re still bothered by their relationship crimes, they can exploit this in order to deepen the trauma bond and keep you hooked and entangled!

Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is a real threat. To a narcissist, indifference is even more of an issue than hatred. They’d rather you have a negative opinion than have no opinion at all.

Narcissists can’t stand when no one is paying attention to them. They don’t know how to feel important or special if they aren’t the center of the universe or consuming someone’s thoughts.  This is also why the traditional Grey Rock method is often pointless and why complete avoidance is the best route (or extreme modified contact if you share children with them).

2 – When People Speak Factually 

Have you ever paid close attention to how a narcissist speaks? They use excessive, long-winded language charged with grandiose emotion. They skew reality to meet their worldview, and they believe their truth is always the truth.

Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, they’ve spent their entire lives observing the emotional language of other people and using it to their advantage.  So, when you speak in facts instead of using emotion, they intuitively understand they have less of an upper hand.

Therefore, they hate when someone challenges them with facts instead of emotion. They will usually retaliate with more arguing or hysteria. This childish response simply shows that they feel out-of-control. They attempt to elevate the conversation’s intensity by throwing an emotional temper tantrum.

If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist’s immaturity. Their inability to absorb facts demonstrates their incompetence in approaching most adult interactions. They are not skilled in the language of facts because they are always lying and hiding things, so speaking factually throws them completely off-balance. 

3 – Authority

Narcissists detest authority. That’s because they resent having to answer to anybody but themselves. Any sense of authority threatens their inherent desires for power and control.

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to have issues at work, school, or with the law. Has the narcissist in your life had multiple jobs? Are they frequently getting reprimanded for their behavior?

While narcissists can be intelligent, they often come across as combative and unfit in professional environments. If confronted by their inappropriate behavior, they tend to deny or rationalize their part. 

Of course, it’s no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists. Supervisors find them unruly and unreasonable. They can’t understand why the person can’t follow basic directions without such volatile reactions.

4 – Being Told No

Of all things a narcissist hates, being told no (and actually following through with it) tops the list. Narcissists are used to manipulating and weaseling their way into getting what they want. 

Often, they’ll pull all the stops to accomplish this task. They’ve spent their whole lives charming people to meet their needs. They never stop to think about how your feelings impact the dynamic. 

That’s why telling them no- and being adamant on your stance- often causes such an angry reaction. A narcissist isn’t just upset about the denial- they’re downright confused by it! 

Narcissists can’t actually fathom why someone would refuse them. Because they lack real empathy, they can’t understand what must be going on in your mind. Moreover, even if they try to comprehend it, they refuse to accept this reality.


5 – Implementing Consequences

Have you ever tried to set a boundary with a narcissist? How well did it go? Most likely, you tried to implement a limit, and they reacted in one of three ways:

  • Dismissing you altogether and gaslighting your feelings
  • Acknowledging their mistake, promising to change, and then doing nothing to change
  • Reacting with intense rage, threats, or even physical violence 

Narcissists can’t accept any real consequences. They can’t see when they’re wrong, and they can’t understand how someone would ever think they’re wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, they simply wouldn’t care.  As a result, they tend to react disproportionately to boundaries and serious conversations as a means to intimidate you and force you into compliance.

Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists. Because they want to avoid a potential conflict, they surrender and dismiss their feelings. How many times have you avoided setting a real boundary because that’s just how they are?

6 – Losing At Anything

Have you ever observed young children playing a board game? If so, you probably witnessed plenty of cheating behaviors and dramatic reactions to losing. It’s acceptable when the players are three years old, but what happens when you’re referring to full-fledged adults? 

Narcissists can resemble toddlers, in that they tend to be extremely sore losers. They struggle to accept losing, and they also tend to lash out when it happens. A few scenarios may occur:

  • They repeatedly proclaim the person in charge (boss/referee) was incompetent
  • They attempt to defame or humiliate the winner
  • They pretend they didn’t care about winning
  • They insist that they “let the other person” take the spotlight
  • They refuse to accept that they lost and awkwardly act as if they’re the actual winner (you may have experienced this by hearing, after you’ve left them, that they’ve told everyone they’re the one who left you!)

7 – Public Humiliation

Because they are sore losers, narcissists can’t handle real or perceived public humiliation. They just can’t tolerate the threat of failure. To them, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat.

We all know that narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. When they believe someone is making fun of them or if they’re not the perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts their existence. As a result, they’ll do anything to protect their fragile ego. Some common responses include:

  • Making violent or emotionally-charged threats
  • Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on them
  • Screaming or yelling
  • Walking away with obvious anger
  • Laughing it off in public only to lash out later on loved ones later 
  • Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert

8 – Expectations of Commitment

Most narcissists are terrible with commitment. Although they believe they deserve all senses of loyalty, they don’t usually provide it themselves. As a result, when they get into relationships, they don’t consider other people’s needs. They’re only accounting for their own emotions, impulses, and desires.

Unfortunately, many adoring partners hold onto wistful hope about their narcissist changing. They listen to how the narcissist praises and adores them. They hold onto fleeting promises that this time will be different.

Yet the narcissist makes all the rules. They decide what they want to do, and they do it when they want to do it. Therefore, they can break and change the rules in ways that suit them. 

9 – Vulnerability And Emotional Expression 

Narcissists often use cognitive empathy to feign interest in other people’s emotions. Real, emotional empathy means putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We take on the feelings and experiences of the other person.

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, is far more insidious and manipulative. Think about the money-hungry salesman who preys on your ambivalence about buying a new car. Think about the general contractor who convinces you that you need to upgrade your appliances.

Cognitive empathy means tapping into someone’s deep emotions and feelings. This tactic requires having an initial connection. Narcissists use cognitive empathy to “gain entry” into your vulnerability. They establish this sense of trust and rapport using false kindness and compassion.

At the same time, they loathe vulnerability and emotional expression. They perceive it as a sign of weakness. Therefore, they use it to take advantage of you when your defenses are down.


10 – 99% Of Other People
 

How many friends does your narcissist have? Probably very few. Usually, their only friends are other people who validate their narcissism. 

Subsequently, how often do you hear your narcissist complain about other people? More times than you can count, probably! That’s because a single wrongdoing often results in lifetime resentment. One mistake tarnishes an entire reputation. 

Narcissists struggle to get along with anyone who doesn’t fit into their falsified worldview. They can’t stand to be challenged. They can’t tolerate the ideas that other people may know more than them. 

If they’re a cerebral narcissist, they are convinced that they are unique and should only associate with other special or high-status individuals. In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts their sense of god-like stature, you can bet that their reaction will be explosive and malicious.

Therefore, narcissists can’t tolerate people who actually live in reality. That’s why you rarely see people with strong boundaries tolerating narcissists for very long. They recognize that the narcissist can’t provide mutual respect, connection, or love.

11 – Your Own Clarity

Above anything, the narcissist hates the idea that you might remember life before you met them. This concern is their greatest fear, and they’ll engage in many manipulative tactics to prevent it from manifesting.

Narcissists use love-bombing to keep you captured and intrigued. They’ll win you over with their charm and wit and cognitive empathy. They’ll make you feel special in ways you’ve never felt before (all through the use of cognitive empathy, of course).

But the narcissist never wants you to think for yourself. If you start doing that, they’ll react. They’ll attempt to break you down and sabotage you. They’ll make you doubt your capabilities and question your motives.

Their goal is to reprogram your mind- and they’ll do whatever they can to maintain their preferred status quo.

12 – When You Change The Status Quo 

Narcissists hate change when it’s out of their control. But when you stay with a narcissist, you remain in a defeating pattern full of resentment and frustration.

If you’re truly wondering how to make a narcissist miserable, the best way is to leave them.  Anything else only feeds into their mind control games, which makes them believe they still have power over you.  When you choose yourself over the narcissist by leaving the relationship for good, this is the most effective way to show them they no longer have you as their puppet on a string.  

Leaving the narcissist is the ultimate way to humiliate, outsmart, and overpower them.  Walking away and living your life is the best possible way to get back at a narcissist.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and it’s okay to admit you need help. If you’re ready to go deeper now, check out the #1 therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery. Thousands of people have benefited from this program that’s practical, proven, and reliable.  It’s the best place to begin a journey toward renewed self-worth and an end to feeling worthless.


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326 comments
Karen says May 29, 2022

What makes them angry well in my case not giving in to them. They are ungrateful for every thing you do them. Hardly say thankyou and treat you like dirt. In my case I tried to do nice things helpful and kind but within her mind she didn’t care just behaved like a spoilt brat. Our poor son gives into her for a good life. His mother me/ didn’t in the end. . I love my son but I had enough I learnt. It took a lot of hurt and miss my son who expected us all to bow to her/his partner out of duty but thankfully I had support from loved ones who taught me stop running about after her and as soon as I did got told I was ffff hated!.

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Jeremy says May 19, 2022

My Mom she’s still talking to me and I would like her to stop talking to me right now.

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Jeremy says April 12, 2022

My mom I would like for her to no longer be talking to me right now and to stay out of my room and stop asking me do you want something to eat and stop with this ridiculous bug and parasite nonsense right now there is no bugs and parasites my mom has a mental illness had it for a long time and it’s making her think she’s seeing bugs and parasites.

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Jeremy says April 10, 2022

My mom she is still talking to me and I would like her right now to stop talking to me and to stay out of my room and to stop with this ridiculous bug and parasite nonsense right now there is none. My mom has a mental illness and it’s making her think she’s seeing bugs and parasites she is not seeing anything.

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Jeremy says March 10, 2022

My mom has a mental illness and she believes she is seeing bugs And parasites she’s not seeing anything . I want her to make an appointment to see a therapist to get help with her mental illness and I would like her to permanently stop talking to me right now and no longer come in my room no longer make me anything to eat.

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Karen says March 4, 2022

I left jobs because of anxiety illness an d stress up bringing not great. I always tried to bring in money thinking about my family and always tried to pull myself back up. So many family events dropped me down but I always try to get back up. Why can’t a narc do this? Every one should try for a happy life but they just drowned in a sea of misery. when they are happy at least the one I know is only happy when she has money and attention. These people don’t want to help others only themselves. It is also ok to have time for me and now get this put me first sometimes thanks to you Kim and counselling. Constant worry and thoughts at one point blew my head until I snapped . I tried so hard to sort out everyone else until something gave within me and at the point the narc called me selfish!. This person will never know how ill I became with guilt because I snapped had enough and was very ill. The narc will no t an apology because her behavior to all my family frankly was childish and selfish and nasty.

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    Dave says April 22, 2022

    I see my Life in your words.

    Reply
Denise says February 27, 2022

Thank you – I’m witnessing my only daughter in a toxic married relationship.
They live with his narcissistic family and they’re constantly “love bombing “ her .
And alienating me . Heart breaking

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Paula Saunders says February 24, 2022

I grew up with free narcissist my mother her awful husband and my brother and then when I met my dad again he’s a mega narcissist so I’ve been around them all my life my family cut all ties with them and they can’t figure out why I won’t talk to them but I’m feel better for not having contact

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Anonymous says February 23, 2022

You described My boss from head to toe. She hates me because I never agreed with her when she mistreats my co-workers or friends, also she made people think that they need her and they depend of her. I am the person that like to speak the true and I am not a follower. She believe her own lies and is so difficult for everybody to make her see she is not always right . She explodes in anger and bad attitude towards people who do not justify her actions.

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Whitney says February 20, 2022

I dated a narcissist for 2 yrs and did every thing to please him and got nothing in return. When i confronted him with his wrong doing its was either his way or we was done or he would not talk to me for days weeks or block me. I ran back to him bc i tho i loved him when he was controling me because i had feelings for him all that ended Feb 6th 2022. When he said i was assuming to much ect so he blocked me but i didn’t chase after but sat i did. Reach out and said i forgive him I hope we could of been civil but he later got mad because he saw I was out on vday i guess he wanted me to be home sad? ?? I moved on and he didn’t like that i guess

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L. says February 20, 2022

Your article is very informative and helps me confirm my suspicions about my son’s behaviors. My question is, how do you help a narcissist to change those behaviors? This is my son and I won’t end my relationship with him, but I recognize that he has lied for years now and as a young adult has begun to get himself in trouble with the law. He’s very intelligent and charming when he needs to be. He’s also a relentless tyrant when it suits his needs.

This mom needs to help him.

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    Kim Saeed says April 25, 2022

    Hi L.,

    It’s a mother’s instinct to want to help her children. However, when it comes to narcissism, there isn’t much that can be done once they’ve reached adulthood. In theory, he would need to WANT help and this isn’t something that’s common with narcissistic individuals unless they are trying to gaslight someone. I wrote an article about adult narcissistic children if you’d like to read it: https://kimsaeed.com/2018/04/03/how-to-deal-with-adult-narcissistic-children/

    Wishing you all the very best,

    Kim

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Connie says February 14, 2022

Unfortunately “my” narcissist is my daughter. It’s very difficult to not have interactions with her because of my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

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    Aleksandra says April 19, 2022

    I feel with you.. not much talked about: giving a birth to a narcissist, not being the narcissistic mother. I am in the same horrible situation😩

    Reply
Debra lowen says February 13, 2022

I love this article.its.perfect n really makes me think.i have got this.im out….I need to stay away.im trying to find ME again n I will.

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Faith Kamanda says February 8, 2022

Very informative

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Anonymous says February 3, 2022

Great great great report

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Lisa says January 20, 2022

Thank you for writing this. Opened my eyes to stuff I’m dealing with.

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Karen says January 17, 2022

OMG why? Why do narcs use illness to stop you going to see your son and grandson. There is now a pattern. We thought we were getting somewhere , actually going to see our grandson and guess what playing ill yet again you can’t come round to see us. I mean here we go again and we can’t prove either way. In the past I caught her at it , this lie nothing wrong with her but was told she was so ill. I visited her thinking she was so ill to help with cleaning shopping and was lied to . This person was dressed up ready to go out! The narc promised to make friends but now has back tracked back to the past. Every invite she turned up ill and sulky made the day miserable for others or didn’t turn up for lunches the ill card. Our son was seeing more of his sister and the I am ill card and ghosting half story truth returns. Our poor grandson has a drama queen for a mum who is stopping him seeing his aunt and grandparents again just when the little boy was enjoying seeing his aunt and we thought we had a chance to meet him at last she promised that she would get in touch with me via our daughter but nothing left hanging on. The closer we got to going around to see him the more excuses come out from her usually always illness and we can’t prove it. These people are truly nuts, barking mad no other description they are insane. If she has an illness eg her baby birth she talked about it over and over and so many lies she wanted to ban unnatural birth because she was left with a small scar and started a petition until people got sick of her. All about her me me me. A small cold and the world stops everyone has to serve her. Drama, drama, drama. The good thing is I don’t care anymore, yes I would love to see our grandson but do I miss her you bet I don’t. I feel sorry for our son he looks so worn out and miserable last time I saw him and our daughter states the same. Who would be living happy living with someone who just takes and lives of misery. He used to laugh and be so happy but we don’t even recognize him he looks in bad health and he has already been sacked and now has taken time off from his second job to look after her when she has never even attempted to work from a young age. A degree from uni and never worked in ten years from leaving school just lives off our son. Always some excuse why she couldn’t work. Transport expenses which we know are cheap where she lives.

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    Anonymous says February 9, 2022

    Sounds like my Mother

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      Aletha says March 12, 2022

      Sounds like my mother also!

      Reply
Anonymous says January 13, 2022

Very enlightening wish I knew this many years ago!

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    Anonymous says February 16, 2022

    Me too

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Oscar says January 5, 2022

Was married to the woman you describe for just over 30 years. Best decision I ever made was to divorce her and never look back. Now I live freely. I found a calm, loving woman and my life is completely changed.
The complicating part of this is that I am a Christian, and the church does not have much tolerance for divorce. The thinking seems to be that the marriage vow is the highest thing in the world and must never be violated. And this after I explained in detail the kinds of abuses I had lived with for so long. I agree that divorce is not good but the marriage license is not a license to abuse another person either…

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Amanda Durrant says January 3, 2022

Emerald, trust your instincts! If you think he’s cheating, he is! My partner constantly cheated on me, apparently it was my fault! I wasnt meeting his needs!
You can never and I mean NEVER meet his needs. Get out now!

We had children together and now that theyre older (in their 20’s) they can see what he is. But he tries to buy them with money and if that doesnt work then he turns nasty on them and puts them down. Making them feel worthless, fat, unattractive, bitches. What a way to treat your daughters! My eldest daughter cried in my arms asking why her father didnt love her!
I told her he was a narcissist.
Look it up and make your own judgement.

Leave, dont look back. If you stay too long, youll become their punch bag too when they have a bad day! And god forbid you havent got their favourite cheese (or whatever isnt in your fridge) that you know they like! It just shows how little you care, think, love them.

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Julie says January 2, 2022

My grown daughter married a/ 2 kids ( my precious grandkids) always blocks me and shut me down. She is very authoritive and I never get invited to Holiday. She sent Christmas presents to her dad and I after Christmas but we have no way to Thank her. She has all are numbers blocked. I feel like this is another hit and run power trip. Do I send the gifts back. I’m to dad to open them. And I can’t even thank her

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    Paula Saunders says February 24, 2022

    Julie is so not your fault narcissist have a twisted perception of what’s right and wrong and they’re always always justified in what they do and say they think they’re above everyone else and they’re better than everyone else cut all ties and walk away there is Collateral Damage I don’t see my my nieces are my nephew but cannot have contact with my mother or her verbal abusive narcissistic husband is has saved my life I was contemplating taking myself out because of them I’m not crazy they are

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Paul Landucci says December 31, 2021

This is very helpful. I am finding more reasons to not associate with this narcissist I know. Grey rock is excellent. Thank you very much.

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Jennifer says December 30, 2021

I married THIS!!!!

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    Jamie says January 17, 2022

    Same!

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Linda says December 29, 2021

Love this article! My ex-husband was a narcissist! After 11 years I divorced him. We had a daughter together and now she his a son that has narcissistic characteristics. I don’t get along with him because he will not listen (he’s 13) and tries to manipulate me into him always getting his way. When I don’t let him do what he wants he has tantrums and somehow tries to make everything my fault. Sounds familiar?

My question is what would you recommend I do? My daughter let’s him get away with things and he has her almost totally subservient.

Thanks,
Linda

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Ivania says December 27, 2021

Good article

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Karen says December 22, 2021

I hope my comment got posted earlier. But after 25 years I left! That’s the best advice! Run! Run! Now is trying to do the same abuse of gaslighting to my daughters. They now know what and who he is. “Call me crazy one more time”! He did. Living the dream now! 57 y/o and happy as a weed taking over! Don’t look back! Run!

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Karen says December 22, 2021

This is one of the first times I have seen such truth! I lived it for 24 years! Finally left. Leaving and saying NO is the best way to stop the abuse. However, they move on to either your children or another victim.

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Professor Cole says December 21, 2021

Stumbled across this very interesting read by accident. It reads like a mind map of Donald Trump.

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Ginger says December 20, 2021

We have a very bad narcissistic sister who has control over our mother.
She’s fake nice to mom but then screams at her.
Mom lives with her.. She is 93 and she manipulates her.
Tries to control the family from visiting and worst of all Is Spiritual Reike .. so tell mom when she dreams or sees things the spirits are watching her. Mom doesn’t believe in them but does have TIAs that sometimes make her see people..
I know she is miserable and should be taken out of that environment but this daughter is Evil.
HELP

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Catherine Kristoff says December 19, 2021

I have done extended study with Kim. She has given me strength to overcome some of the traps by my narcissist loved one. I recommend her. She will enlighten you

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Emerald says December 18, 2021

My boyfriend definitely has some of these traits however he does compliment me, and tells me I’m beautiful however I feel like he doesn’t acknowledge my feelings he always says he is broken, and he has this wall up. However I have been having a gut feeling he is cheating on me, as he has before, with the same gut feeling I had back then. He has changed a lot for the good since we have been together, but I just don’t know how serious he truly is about me.

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    Lisa Hager says January 1, 2022

    My husband compliments me all the time too, although I always hear motives behind those compliments. I’ve caught my husband in cheating in the form of emotionally with a few other women. One went as far said he was great in bed. Of course he denied all three of those women. There was even a point he said that he deserved to get his male needs met and said that these women also pay attention to him.

    All of these points in this article is so true. I’ve already been working on leaving him. After 21 years, it’s time to take care of me.

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    Paula Saunders says February 24, 2022

    Sweetie save yourself some heartache dump him there are better men out there when you get entangled with a narcissist it’s like walking through a bunch of thorns and it hurts at every turn get out while you can

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Salonika Singh says December 15, 2021

They also hate it once they take you have moved on. Esp. If you’ve had a glow up after. That quiet realization hurts the.

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Chino says December 14, 2021

The word “my” I choose never link to the In-laws who are malignant predators and child molesters with four generations. When I learned with ongoing therapy to educate myself how to set boundaries for the family and my own boundaries NOT to get pulled in to toxic behaviors.
*Career criminals from birth, each next generation becomes better through Free education on welfare. Universities with degrees in dark web skills, these in-laws who live above all laws in stat government offices. Permanent predators networking to keep their flying-monkeys under their control. Personally pressed charges against a states attorney general as he continues to steal from the state he lives in. Narcissistic for evil, each one works their hardest planning out their tasks. Instead of try to change through any therapy and councel. These in-laws in this family of molestation is being repeated. All refused any help because our welfare systems can’t keep up with criminals who are law. SNAP, TANF, food banks and FAFSA are abused by NARCs. MY ongoing efforts to keep reporting yearly of their criminal behaviors.

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Imelda says December 11, 2021

I once had a relationship with a narcissistic i need help

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Kgomotso says December 10, 2021

Subject very helpful. My mother in law it’s a narcissist. She really controlled our marriage for 18years. I walked away and he shifted to my husband that he should marry another wife because I am bad.

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    coco says December 25, 2021

    You did the right thing – run with your head held up high.

    Reply
Zoh says December 2, 2021

This is my boss to the T. She thrives in negetivity. Always waiting for a mistake to nail us. No compliments and always self praising

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Peggy Eaton says November 29, 2021

I work with a narcissist – constantly does things like sabotaging my computer when I’m at lunch (I now have a special pin) and then lies about all that she does. I have talked my wimpy boss who is incapable of any confrontation and she only lies and stomps off and he believes her. I totally ignore her existence and that helps me but your article made me realize that’s the best way to deal with her. Any other hints on how to deal with her constant lying and manipulation would be appreciated. She sucks up to all the men in the office which is totally nauseating. I am almost ready to retire but would like to stay on a bit longer to get some things taken care of in condo I just purchased. Don’t know how long I can hang on.

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    Vanessa Spader says February 18, 2022

    Turn around and bloody run as fast as you can

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Corrin says November 29, 2021

You described my ex husband .nothing is good enough for him thanks for the. Article …now I know why many thanks

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James parham says November 24, 2021

Wow my girlfriend to the t i need to learn more

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Mary B Gardiner says November 19, 2021

OMG…… every word is SO right
These word’s describe my husband exactly.
Thank you for the article

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    Kim Saeed says November 23, 2021

    You’re welcome, Mary. Thanks for stopping by and reading 🙂

    Kim

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Kathy Slavin says November 15, 2021

I’m a 69-year old parent of a 43-year old narcissist. So difficult when you love your child…just beginning to learn. Thank you for the information.

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Lillian bilo says November 15, 2021

My son is a narcissist he’s done crazy things no man would do even refusing to sit for his exams at Kenya school of law to be admitted to the clocking 30yrs in Jan with no law practice at all always loosing jobs because of his character God please remember him

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Carol Calhoun says November 9, 2021

Great article. I’ve dealt with a narcissist before so I should know better with his very little value of my feelings and , always being a victim, he had an answer for everything. I was too emotional ( his words) I truly feel that he is a pathological liar but know that when confronted, will lie even more.

I allowed this to go on for 2 years .. I couldn’t handle pain and confusion that he caused anymore .. The projections of his own guilt into me , the constant attacks , gas lighting , mirroring the things i said , ghosting me and turning the blame onto me if I reacted or got upset,, it left me confused , and deeply desiring his love even more and for him to understand what I was going through true .. . And it only got worse

.. He used sex as an expression of his love towards me , to keep me bound to him , and for his own sexual fulfillment and did occasionally nice things for me so he can say” I do everything to make you feel special “ yes all but understanding my feelings and not try to reverse everything to being my fault.
Not one time did he ever apologize to me for anything- I did everything wrong in the relationship always in his eyes.

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Anonymous says October 30, 2021

WOW: My mom ticks all the boxes. Yet I have nowhere to go,

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    Bongiwe says November 26, 2021

    Stay strong anonymous, you’re not alone💕💖

    Reply
Rosanna Perez says October 30, 2021

Just be yourself,only you have the power to control the reaction.When all else fails,laughing at life helps too.

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Anonymous says October 23, 2021

Very informative. My life for 53-5 years(48).

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Susie says October 22, 2021

I have been having an affair for 5 years with a Narassist. He manipulates me. Has power over me. He makes millions of promises to leave wife for me. Bows. Love daily. Goes in cycles. 2-3 days great awesome communication then ghost for about 2 weeks til I finally get him to answer. Then whole cycle starts. Each time I believe it will be different. I beg him to not hurt me again and he agrees then here we go again. How do I get away from him.

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    Kim Saeed says October 30, 2021

    HI Susie,

    I will put it simply. Always expect the worst from him and get to a place where you can block him. As long as he has access to you, you will never be free.

    Sending hugs,

    Kim

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    Anonymous says October 31, 2021

    LEAVE! HE’S USING YOU!

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    Ronda says November 11, 2021

    Pls move away from him He will ruin you forever

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    Anonymous says November 13, 2021

    Run , fast and far!!! You deserve much better

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    Anonymous says December 22, 2021

    Leave

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    Paula Saunders says February 24, 2022

    I lived with a narcissist for five and a half years I finally kicked him out and went no contact I changed my phone number and he fortunately moved to another city you have to do what you have to do for your survival because they will wear you down and they kill your spirit if you can move away move to the other side of this city get a new phone number and stay out of areas where he’s known to frequent make a new life I recommended it’ll get better

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Nancy says October 22, 2021

I cannot Thank You Enough For Again Having This INFO where people can stumble on.
I Truly Owe You My Life.🤗
Never In A Billion Year’s Would I Think The Word NARSASIAM would Totally Destroy ME In Every SENSE Of My Being.Trying To comprehend what the Dr was trying so hard for me to get thru To My Servely Traumatized Mind
Was Honestly Easier to End My Night Mare LIFE. Then to fathom that this man that I loved for 34 years as Been LIEING Pretending To ❤️ Me, Adore Me. Me & you have a Special Bond realionship.
He Told Me That he was LIEING When we first meet. Everything
He said he saw how I was An Just Followed my Lead. And he copied me, I say covet me , my fur babies.
My friends, family.
Then I end up in a coma for months, 30 per chance of living and BAM!! TOTAL ABANDONMENT

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G says October 21, 2021

Does anyone have experience with narcissistic kids? My husband’s son is getting into more trouble. Lying, stealing, no remorse, absolutely no empathy, thinks he’s justified. He can’t understand that living a lie isn’t ok. He thinks that lying for months on end is somehow ok if the person doesn’t know. That all was well during those months if we didn’t know. Only tells truth when pressured says if he wouldn’t have been pressured then he never would’ve cone forward. It’s scary. He’s been lying since my husband and I got married. It’s so hard. He’s 16 and going out into the world soon and I’m afraid he’s going to steal from the wrong person. We told him that and he’s convinced himself that nobody will do anything to him. That he won’t let anyone touch him. If anyone has resources to help him I’m all ears.

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Karen says October 16, 2021

Sadly I learnt to tolerate as a child . Put up and shut up. Put a smile on your face and feel sorry for badly behaved people. My mum taught me this because this was my mum to my father no self esteem. Our son always stuck up for himself did so well at school so when his new relationship involved a narc I just saw my mum I was heartbroken. My husband and I argue but always equal usually about parking little things normal life married nearly forty years love each other. Marriage is not easy at times we all know but sons partner came from a family that had an alcoholic father who collection weird war things. Our son feel in love with her and he looks so withdrawn.

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Karen says October 16, 2021

I find this so hard to understand! The narc involved with our has a “best friend” . The best friend has a busy life but sons partner had no job stayed at home did nothing but her hobbies all day at 25 years old our son worked 12 hour shifts. Any way one day sons partner explained that her best friend said she need space busy life and couldn’t deal with constant texting. To my horror our sons partner then said that her best friend had sex in ditches and that her best friends uncle abused her all in an angry toon and said her best friend was sulky and wasn’t taking text. That was our first glimpse of how bad sons partner is so nasty. She is now back with said friend and using her again for all her needs because she had dumped her family and now us our sons family. How bad are these people it is so hard to understand. I feel bad for myself for this but I have a false name and have kept identity out but I feel it may help people to understand that these narcistic people use and abuse when they don’t get their own way.

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    Karen says October 16, 2021

    Dear god can I also state at the time her best friends father was in the last stages of cancer!

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    Ginger Petsinger says October 21, 2021

    It is hard to understand. I’m afraid this is what is going on with my stepson. I’ve been trying to help him for years but unfortunately he lies to everyone. I’ll never understand it myself. It’s exhausting.

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Antoinette says October 15, 2021

Empowering.

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Rich says October 15, 2021

Humans we have life all wrong! We’re not born to think or feel the way we do ….we are programmed this way before birth. And when we are born into a family, and we are not separated by race, or religion…when a human is born, we are separated into groups. You have your happy group, sad group, selfish, needy and greedy, groups….how many people do you know who have the same attitude but do not know each other? Why is it in a marriage you don’t rarely see two narcissist? Narcissist don’t like anyone especially a mirror image of themselves but even worse a happy and positive thinking
Empath who at first they will play along and Empath, but little by little each day will break an Empath down to their level. But as I take the time to write this, I just hope somebody reads this….you have to pay attention to this signs. And after months of research I believe Im an Heyoka Empath. I’m not normal, I’m different because I think different. When everyone is running to the right, I’ll casually walk to the left. I believe in God but you won’t catch me in church reading about one man’s journey of his life, when I got my own two feet and my own pen writing my own book filled with chapters. Did you know that verses in the Bible are just dates and times? Did you know someone is someone with hire power is writing a book of your life. And when your born your not born with pockets, so your not taking anything when you die. G nqa

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Anonymous says October 11, 2021

This article was right on time for me. I am doing what I need to do to get “me” back. Have been with my husband for 20 years and I have finally gotten my backbone to get my happiness again. I feel so guilty that I stayed so long and didn’t leave sooner before it damaged my son. He is 22 and is having trouble dealing with living with a narcissistic father.

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    Also anonymous says February 20, 2022

    Anonymous, I stayed for 30 yrs, two kids, 23 & 30 also trying to recover from their father and his narcissistic relatives, their only family. I’m heartbroken and feel so guilty too, although I know I couldn’t have survived the past two years of my life trying to divorce him, if I had younger children. We all survived, although broken, you made the best decision every day for you and your son. The most important thing is that you are finally out.

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Rhonda Sooter says October 11, 2021

I need help. Are these people born with this or what??

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William Priess says September 29, 2021

It was very interesting what I have read I want to continue to understand narcissist

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Nancy says September 22, 2021

Thank You, Soo Very Much for sharing your knowledge dealing with Non- HUMANS.
I greatly appreciate being able to read and learn all I can to help me get THRU THIS NIGHTMARE.
There’s not enough resources for NARSASIAM.

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ian says September 18, 2021

Kim on the money. myself and my kids have gone through a period of having three female narcist’s destroying my family. its a lot to cope with and the kids as well as myself have CPTSD. Will they ever work I hope so but its not clear whether given the physical beatings and psychological damage done to us that we can ever be worthwhile again. it was all about control and thieving money from me and my children.
I don’t think I was aware of this type of person/s until my wife displayed it without any remorse. Since she left more has been revealed by my children about the terrible things done to them by these 3. it doesn’t matter whether it is a male or female perpetrator its wrong and causes immense problems for their victims. Anyway that’s all I wanted to say. so many problems and I understand they have put it all behind them.

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April says September 12, 2021

I just got out of a 15 year marriage to a narcissist. I am so happy now but it took a minute to get my bearings. The only thing now is we share a daughter and he is abusing her(mentally not physically) worse now because I am not there to take the brunt of it. We have joint custody and ive been nice up to this point. But I am getting to my wits end with it. She is however 14 and wants me to stay out of it because it is only worse for her when I get involved. But she is stressed when she is there. Overly stressed. Any and all feedback greatly appreciated.

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    Kim Saeed says September 13, 2021

    Hi April,

    I can relate. I have had my youngest son in therapy for years and have also had to go back to court several times to modify the custody arrangement. I finally have an order that is very suitable for me and my son. I document everything and go right back to the courthouse whenever dad acts up. My son’s counselor was a great help this time around.

    Sending hugs,

    Kim

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ashley says September 10, 2021

i just want to know the 7 steps to break the narrccristic spell from my degrading sister, she talks to hateful but hey it dont hurt me i just want to put it out there. she sucks

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Anonymous says September 6, 2021

They hired one at work. If he isn’t gone soon I will leave my job, sad to say. He’s inappropriate. He steals. he is looking for one person to dump on and it won’t be me. Learn to get along? That is what he wants and to look for that person to take his life out on. He’s bad news.

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Anonymous says September 4, 2021

What to do when the narc is your daughter-in law and mother of your four grandsons. She is married to our only child. She has given us the silent treatment for two years, no calls, no visits, no correspondence.

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Sandra Evans says September 2, 2021

This is just what I needed. Only GOD led me to this site. My soon to be Ex-husband is a Narcissist with a capital A__hole!

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Morgan Means says August 29, 2021

I need to leave mine and I need help..I just can’t seem to take that step it’s like a force is holding me back I know he don’t care I know he cheats I know he treats me like I’m not important I know he’s toxic I know he’s changed me for the worst and enjoyed every second of it I know he litters has done nothing for me but cause me misery pain and humiliation and betrayal please help me I’m scared to take that step…why????? What’s wrong with me…do I like being mentally abused and attacked do I like being cheated on non stop…I know what I must do loving him has already cost someone their life and almost mine more then once WHY CANT I TAKE THAT FIRST STEP?????? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP GUIDE ME IN DIRECTION I NEED PLEASE IM SO TIRED OF HAVING A HURT HEART AND NEGATIVE STATE OF MIND PAIN HE CAUSES CONSUMES MY EVERY THOUGHT I DONT GET THINGS DONE IM SUPPOSED TO IM JUST CONSUMED WITH THE PAIN AND ANGER…. PLEASE HELP

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Charlie Pickering says August 26, 2021

I just realised I have 3 overt narcissists in my life – my Wife, My mother and my sister in law. All of them reprehensible human beings without an oz of empathy

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Laura says August 23, 2021

Just the information I need! And exactly when I need it! Tomorrow I’m going to pay my attorney for divorce proceedings discreetly. I figured out some of this on my own about my husband and I am already using some points made here. He’s intelligent, but not only am I more intelligent than him, I possess a lifetime of experience with drama and trauma. I’ve got this!! I’m glad I found this to read just before making that important move tomorrow! Thanks!!

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Molefi says August 21, 2021

In every point under discussion I’ve noted a lot out of this animal. In our relationship that is more than ten years, it’s like I’ve been living in ….

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Elizabeth Raney says August 12, 2021

I have broken away from my extreem nscisistic husband…which is a horror story to my life. I have great support now from my community and the authorities.

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Eszter S. Julia says August 10, 2021

Then we have ,,police” , one of the biggest atrocities that Earth has ever seen!
Those creatures have UNLIMITED list of things t,hat they can do to you…..
Also,
they are SOURCE OF LAW!!! That means absolutistic goverments, especially in older age had several people with basically unlimited power.
Now we have THOUSANDS of beasts! Milions are not smart enough, so I will act God!…

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    Anonymous says November 11, 2021

    Try being married with one. He refusing to give you a divorce for years. Now he has found a new victim and wants a divorce. Still trying to manipulate me and he knows he has the law on his side.

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Josh Mergenthaler says August 5, 2021

Great article. I’ve recently noticed things about my girlfriend that don’t add up. Such as sudden loss of and no friends, always being a victim, she always has an answer for everything. I truly feel that she is a pathological liar but know that when confronted, will lie even more. This really gives me a good angle when approaching her.

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    Sandra Johnson says October 1, 2021

    Josh,
    Lose her while you can! Before she wants to have a ring on her finger! RUN FAST & Good Luck
    Signed, A concerned Citizen 😉

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jabber6 says July 23, 2021

I truly believe after reading more and more things that I was living a 38-year marriage with a narcissist. I did have serious thoughts of leaving him; we did have counseling, but he never really changed. I stayed because of my strong faith commitment “till death us do part”. Since his death in 2016 I’ve been more aware of his narcissistic personality from my readings. After going to counseling twice; he never did really change but “till death us do part” kept me there. To this day I am happier than I have been over those years and I’m loving everyday of my life more and more. I’m sure there’s other people in my same situation with faith taking control over and above the evil; providing us with strength and encouragement to get through each day. Yes if it weren’t for his health that took his life it could have gone on probably longer.

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Rhonda Brown says July 17, 2021

This was a very good article. I am still trying to understand and confirm whether or not my Husband of 37 years is a Narcissist! Are there varying degrees? Is it possible to just have some narcissistic tendencies? I have some real soul searching to do! The kids are all adults, and I need to determine the path I need to take for my personal happiness! I will continue to read, focus and attempt to sort my life out! Thank you!

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Andrea says July 17, 2021

I am in the process of leaving him. I’m taking my three kids with me. My parents are flying me back home next week. I visited a domestic violence organization today and they confirmed that I’m not crazy and that I’m a victim of abuse. All of these things describe him exactly.. Down to having no friends, can’t hold jobs, hates authority, puts me down and says I’m the crazy one, and he’s gotten physical with me and has full on abused my son. It has been hell. I have been in this for 18 years. He’s told me nobody will want to marry me bc I have kids and men don’t want a woman with kids. He’s made me feel like nothing. He’s made me feel like I have nothing to offer. I am broken. I hope I can pick up the pieces and find myself again and have a happy life.

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    Kim Saeed says July 18, 2021

    I am so glad you are planning your exit and taking your children with you. That’s very brave.

    There may be men who don’t want women with children, but these tend to be men who are extremely emotionally immature and ones you wouldn’t want a relationship with, anyway. I know for a fact that there are mature, compassionate men who admire women with children.

    You can do this, and you can heal. Make sure you get therapy and/or join some healing programs that can help ♡♡♡

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    Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

    hang in there but also please do not be alone when talk to him good luck

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John says July 9, 2021

Thanks for the article…it was like reading a playbook on my narc’s behavior. If you guys know of any support groups in Atlanta please let me know. As a child of divorce, I don’t want to put my two kids through the pain of an absent Dad. I have an intense need to stay for their sake.

Thinking about getting a dog to feel a sense of loyalty around here…Crazy times!

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Michael Donnelly says July 2, 2021

I have just come out of a 16year marriage to a narcissist. The last 2 years have bewn horrible. Blatantly having a fairs in front of my eyes. And has got me done twice harassment. We have two children 10 and 8 which I have tried to stay there to be emotionally connected for them. What to do it I cannot stay there and take this off my woman that I thought I loved I do love a woman that I thought loved me. I don’t blame her for what she has put the truth is it’s a horrible disorder.

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Trudy says June 18, 2021

My 22 year old is a Narcissist, she is trying to make me think that I am crazy. I will try some of these things but I an so close to losing my temper, she LOVES to do that to me. I had to get a therapist to help me with ideas. When she starts I just get up and walk away and go to my room and lock my door. It works for me. Sh e really hates when I do it. I an NEVER RIGHT IN HER EYES.

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jake says June 17, 2021

130 am, abandoned & alone for the thousandth time. thanks for the hope ♡♡

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Mary c says June 16, 2021

Narcissistic know exactly what they do an have no shame doing!

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Anonymous says June 15, 2021

Thank you for these life giving insights! Every time I read one of your articles, there is another insight that is so right on and needed. Things make sense, but they have to be heard again and in different ways to really stick. Thank you!

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Deb Thibeault says June 15, 2021

I have gone zero contact with my ex for the past 3 months. He has resorted to sending me registered letters. I accepted one but do not want to accept anymore. As far as I’m concerned it’s harassment. He is threatening to sue me if I don’t give him money he says I owe him. All the while he owes me thousands of dollars. My only concern is if he uses mail to serve me and I don’t accept his letters I could be in default and he wins his case. I would welcome any advice. Should I accept his letters.

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Kimiora says June 14, 2021

I really need help

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Mrs. Beneteau says June 6, 2021

I am 59 years old and suffered horrible trauma from trying to figure out the Queen of Narcissism who was the grandmother of the little boy I helped my boyfriend care for. I was not prepared for this woman and she ran me over and left me in a heap of road-kill. After a year of grief therapy after the relationship ended with the boyfriend and his little boy (as orchestrated by grandma) I now know better.

I married some years later and my darling husband brought his grown children and grandkids to my life. These are my greatest blessings! However, my husband’s X and the mother of his children is very similar to the horrible and cruel woman I once knew.

It seems this life lesson has come back around and now I am smarter and can be the Step Mom/Nana that this family has craved. The X is a classic, textbook example of Narcissist…and as she gets older her cruelty intensifies.

I have offered the family an opportunity to feel proud of their many wonderful accomplishments and unconditional love and support that they never knew.

After a few years of marriage I have been gladly accepted into this family.

The first time I met the X it was a family wedding. I was pleasant with her all night but let my tone slip once and she will hold onto that for the rest of her life. But it was inevitable so I don’t let it wreck me.

I was recently with her again at a family function but now my place in the hearts of these kids is solid. No one took her bait. The party was a great success and there was no incident as she left early.

My oldest step son takes the worst of his mother’s abuse because she refuses to acknowledge the 2 grandchildren he has with his new wife.

But this article is very clear. I forwarded it to his wife who will share it with him.

Thank you for this very honest article. It gives my stepchildren “permission” to take steps for their own well-being.

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Peter Chernoff says June 4, 2021

I got out of a relationship about 2 1/2 months ago and I started reading up on narsistic behaviors.evrry thing and I dean every thing i read describes my ex girlfriend to a tee
We were on and off for about 8vyears a d I recently found out she was cheating the hole time with people I never new and with my bestfriend and I’m sure my boss .compleatly crushed me and not explanation no sorry just a fk off .

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Telisha M Williams says May 31, 2021

Im leaving my husband father of my children for all the reasons I have read. I dont want to ruin the children relationship with him. He can come get them at anytime on an arrange meeting place cause I dont want him to know where we moving too. Is that weird i want it that way?

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Robin J Smith says May 27, 2021

The Devil’s Dinner
The Devil set the dinner plate, and each fork and spoon
And because it was their thing, carefully he hung the moon.

He set the table full, with passion gathering no rust —
And counted Cupid as his friend, misplaced arrows piercing lust.

A feast, no not for those who dine, He grins and tells to all who hears
this appetite is mine.

For foolish heart to pine away, old Satan’s favorite meal they say.
Is sorrow dripping from each bite, and tears wash out the moons sweet light?

Don’t laugh at her in her embrace, of love and lust and more —
One day you’ll come to dine and find, those knocking at your door.

As you each each bit of bread, you savor meat and sweet —
You soon discover this dinner is only a devil’s treat!

Yet in hope you eat it all.
Hell, I even ask for seconds and eat it while in I my fall.

When you get an invitation fresh from Cupid’s bow,
be careful what you think of love, take care what you don’t know.

So many times in league with dark that cupids’ arrow flies!
No arrow strike the other love and so in love tells lies.

The Devil cooked from dawn to dusk a feast — no not for those who dine.
He grins and tells to all who hears, this torture is my line.

Can we skip a broken heart
avoid the dinner hell?
Most can’t because they run to “love”, when Satan rings the dinner bell.

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Boni Tidwell says May 23, 2021

I just blocked one that I have helped for 3 years ! But he used for money I am done period

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    Deb Thibeault says June 15, 2021

    I feel for you as my ex narcissist used me for money. I paid for practically everything when we were together.

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Marie R Ibarra says May 17, 2021

This is so me right now with a man of 5 yrs everything in this is absolutely true and correct I have been dealing with this for at least 4 yrs out of the 5 we’ve been together I need help for real

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Anonymous says May 16, 2021

My divorce was finalized last November. A friend told me I was married to a narcissist when I mentioned what happened in my marriage. My wife discarded me and I am still struggling to this day. Her two boys were the most disrespectful kids I had ever met, with her claiming it was all their real father’s fault they were like that. When I tried to contact her for tax info I needed, I discovered she had blocked me, this after she contacted me one week prior to give me a gift. She then emails me to tell me she blocked me out of respect for her new boyfriend stating she went out on a blind date set up by her friends, and she all of a sudden was blessed with this new love interest. The boys’ real father spent five years trying to ruin her and eventually took his own life. I saw no remorse from either her or her children. She just labels him as being the crazy one.

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Ginnie DeVall says May 10, 2021

MY mother and boyfriend ARE both Pisces Narcissists.I was born an Empath. I feel everyone’s pain to severe that physical touch is painful from most strangers. But from them its like my soul is on fire and burns me out and I am drained completely and want to just get away. So my retreat from them and the world is almost my only safety. From total melt down. They got along at first but now know the other threatens their personal hold on the pipeline to my energy. They are like Vampires to plainly say. But I am ready to make them both pay for the daily pain they cause me. Enough to have the glory of seeing them throw one last tantrum or game. To simply be able to walk away in laughter and in Victory.

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Ruth says May 8, 2021

I have been with a narc for 16 years now, married for 6-1/2. I became disabled 11 years ago and that is when the abuse really started. I saw things here and there and argued with him thinking I could make him change, what a fool I have been!! I was raised by a narcissist, my father, who was all but sexually abusive. This is my 3rd marriage and I have come to realize that I have basically married the sam mean over and over. I am a Type I diabetic, along with several other health problems, and I can’t even afford my medical costs on my own. I don’t qualify for Medicaid so I am completely screwed and he knows it! I cry all the time because I just want out. I nearly ended my life a year ago because I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hate the bastard and wish he would get hit by a bus! They steal so much from you and all I want is for him to get his!! I feel like God is not with me at all, only Satan.

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    Gabi says May 31, 2021

    Ruth, I only saw this comment and I really hope you are better now.
    I’m not religious, but I’m sure God is with you and would not put you through this is He didn’t think you could make it through.
    Take care of you and your health, especially your mental one…and when you feel overwhelmed, please take 3 deep breaths and think about the things you are grateful in your life (it could be small things).
    You are stronger than you think and I’m sending my biggest hug!

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    Rebecca says June 15, 2021

    I’m so sorry for what you’re going through I wish I could help. Please don’t take this as an offense but I can only pray for you. I wish you the best and you should pray, be sincere with God. I’m sure you’re saying it’s easy for me to say cause I’m not going through it. I have my own issues, long story to tell I may just post it on this website. But please don’t give up and prayer is very powerful. You must control your mind and be selfish and think about yourself, watch your health as in going for walks and eating healthy for your diabetes. Believe me, start your day by going on early walks and get ready for work. Stay positive, God bless you. I hope this helped you. Not everyone’s has a bad heart. Take care.

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    Pamela says June 15, 2021

    This was me to a T
    Please push on and go no contact. I have realised that it is no my lot in life to marry as I would not trust my judgement(still would like a loving relationship though). I Have again found God after 20 yrs of not being able to fellowship. I couldn’t find him but kept searching only to realise it wasn’t God that moved. Since being by myself I can now live the life I was meant to live. It is not wrong to take care of your self. God will show you the answers when we leave and are able to hear his voice again.

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    Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

    Hang in there. Put road blocks in his way use what he using on you . You can pretend …be nice just to slow him down they crave adulation I to see no end in sight but I know there is one. What bugs me is how other people don’t see it it’s plain to me but I’ve known a few before. Didn’t count on him being so low an despicable. Say I disrespected him just met him moving in here. N if having no respect for him means disrespect… then yeah absolutely none there. Had to respect 45 year old two year old. What’s dangerous? Someone who thinks they really really smart when in real world very stupid. Oh n expensive when you don’t bow down kneel n kiss his ring. I wonder would that give him such a high he might stroke out … he fatter then pigs we used to rise.

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Ujjal ghosh says May 7, 2021

I am a victim of narcissist abuse. My wife is a narcissist. She keeps on insulting and abusing my 2 kids. Please tell how to get rid of her. I want a divorce.

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Emily says May 3, 2021

I’m dating one now, been 9 years, but when it was brought to my attention, I googled it & he meets EVERY SINGLE POINT
But I wanna be better than him at his own game, 9 years & it’ll be a nasty leave bc IM LEAVING IM TELLING HIM NO

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    Mena says May 5, 2021

    Just leave quietly. Do not tell him anything…it may be too dangerous for you. You should let someone who are closed to you know about your issues and start a strategic plan. Narcissists do come back hoovering the person who leaves them and they will use all the tricks in the bag to get you back in their lives to destroy your mental, physical, and spiritual health. I pray you make it out safely. – Narcissist Survivor

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    Michelle says June 12, 2021

    Emily forget trying to beat your narcissistic partner…just leave, you can never ever get even or beat a narc ….why prolong the agony 😁

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Ray says April 30, 2021

I’m dating a narcissist and I don’t know how to get out I’ve only recently come across the word Narcissist never even knew they had a name for these type of people it’s been a week now of me finding out that they are the type of people no1 should be with it’s so sad coz we all deserve to be loved but I can say with a peaceful heart they don’t .

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    Anonymous says May 3, 2021

    I allowed a narcissistic woman toabuse me for 2 years .. The paim and confusion I felt bound me to her in a way I couldn’t understand .. The projections of her own guilt into me , the constant attacks , gas lighting , mirroring the things i said , ghosting me and turning the blame onto me if I reacted or got upset,, it lleft me very broken confused , and deeply desiring her love abd true admiration.. . And it only got worse and worse… I have the true capacity to love and I love her with all my heart and soul , so I believed she truly loved me and my 7 year old son .. No matter how much her actions proved differently I couldn’t accept the fact she didn’t have love in her heart for anyone, for me my son , and even her own children .. She used sex and how it was an expression of my love towards her against me, to keep me bound to her , and for her own sexual fulfillment .. Telling me that her body was all mine and mine hers. I did not know a human being like her existed.Her extreme lack of true self confidence lead her into being extremely jealous .. She spent her entire life sleeping with her friends spouses , boyfriends , and even her oldest daughters boyfriend.. So It only makes sense she would project her own guilt and lies onto me.. I would tell her regularly , I’m not u .. The thing that frightened me the most is she was very unintelligent..But her ways of manipulating me were so calculated and effective , that I dont believe it was her alone that had the knowledge or capacity to manipulate in such a deep and intelligent way.. She drank whiskey , since she was a teenager and she is 52 and her mind and spirit poisoned by it .. And poisoned by her own decisions and sins… I truly believe some kind of demonic force is indwelled in her , empowering her and gaining her tools and ideas to , like a genius manipulate me.. . She is a heavy church goer (scary) but did not care to know or even acknowledge god or his ways whatsoever .b..She went for narcastic supply, 100 percent … Once when she was bold face lieing to me , yet again.. I said to u swear by the holy ghost . She said yes, and it provoked her into a narcissistic rage .. I provoked her demon .. Some people are truly evil , and a narcissistic person in their absolute selfishness and the choice to live life in a false reality through there constant manipulations and lies of it left her truly delusional what is actual reality .. Everyone lies , ut some people are liars … I pray that god has mercy on her soul.. like I said I truly love her , that won’t ever change… That is my reward.. To have love and grace in your heart for someone is never wrong .. but to let them continuously hurt u and your life, so they can feel some sick sense of fulfillment, is.. Dont be a narcissistic person’s puppet any longer, not for a minute .. Love yourself and let your experience better u. Gain wisdom from your experience and know theres nothing wrong with u that they dont truly love u.. Accept that it will or even can happen .. It’s a lie to believe they can … When u find someone who will truly love u because of who they are , u will appreciate them that much more .. All things work for the good of those who love god.. It is not his will for us or our life , to be used and abused by a narcissists evil agenda, sexual amd absolute selfish fulfillment.. Love is patient , it is kind , it does not envy or boast , is not proud , is not rude , is not selfish, is not easily angered , it does not delight in doing evil , its Hope’s all things and endures all things.. A true narcissistic person does not have even I attribute of love.. But every person shows a few signs of narcissism.. But , For whatever reason they are who they are , by choice or circumstances.. But that doesn’t matter .. They still have a choice , and so do we .. so , Choose to leave them with grace in your heart towards them .. Where sin abounds , grace abounds further .. Have grace for them from a far .. So your heart, mind and life , are not corrupted..Thank u for listening , I hope for u the best !!

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      Jason says May 7, 2021

      I am leaving a woman exactly like that .. it hurts but she hurts me like a demon.. I believe its a possession and sociopathic behavior. She says she loves me but don’t know what it takes to show it.. I’m just her selfish need to feed on .. she loves how I love her but can’t live a natural life .. evil can’t stand good , and I’m good.. I finally left … Thank you Jesus….

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        Anonymous says June 16, 2021

        I too have been fooled by a narcissist and his selfish and awful ways after 3 years of mental and physical abuse as it just gets worse day by day I decided enough was enough I deserve to be loved I’m a good person and my seven-year-old deserves the world I know it’s hard I’m dying inside I want to die but I know as time moves on I’ll be okay

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      Bruce says June 16, 2021

      Thanks for your message. … You’re so correct Thank you. …

      Reply
      jenipher lopez says June 17, 2021

      Thank You, your words are comforting and realistic. what you share is so sensible and really hits home to me. God Bless

      Reply
    Stacy says June 19, 2021

    I’ve been in a relationship (if that’s what it’s called) for 9 years. I am trauma bonded, mentally, physically and emotionally broken because of this man. Although everything is my fault naturally. In these years, I’ve read hundreds maybe thousands of articles and books on narcissist behavior trying desperately to find one, just one that doesn’t fit this man. Well I can’t. To face the horrifying truth that I’ve allowed, is sometimes too much to bare. I’ve often thought about suicide, but then he will
    Win and he honestly will not care and will never realize the fault lies on him. It’s very difficult for me to let go because I love him and am still blind when it comes to facing what I call the faces of death. He has done everything narcissists do. Without regret. He has abandoned me, he has emotionally beat me down, he has choked me to unconsciousness 3 times. I am weak and ashamed of myself for losing my power and self worth to him. I am worthless and not a
    Good example
    To my grown girls. Sometimes I find strength and the ability to fight back but essentially it doesn’t do
    Any good, because deep down I know that the love I want him to have for me is never gonna be there and never has. That’s the hardest part for me. I love hard and with my whole body and soul and for someone to take advantage of that makes me sick in my head and my heart. I still think at times I can reach him. How stupid is that?

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      Anon says July 23, 2021

      Abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault.

      Reply
      Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

      Hang inthn you know not to confront so do opposite give what he wants n get away road blocks so you can prepare do not confront alone n doesn’t matter just leave

      Reply
Larry jerve says April 30, 2021

Your arrival hits All of the simpsons of the person I was involved with on the nail

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Agnes Rahuja says April 8, 2021

Been married to a narcissist for 23 years,my divorce was finalized
30th November 2020… although it’s still fresh but I feel so liberated..

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    Kim Saeed says April 15, 2021

    So happy for you, Agnes!

    Kim

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      Big says April 30, 2021

      Omg, it’s true ! I have just recently realized that my wife is a NARCISSIST! I have always thought that she was just pretty and spoiled. After reading many articles, I’m deeply saddened that it’s true. It all makes sense now. I have also just tried to live with it because I could ever leave her. We have children and have been together for over fourty years. It breaks my heart. GOD HELP ME !

      Reply
    Rebecca says June 15, 2021

    Good for you, blessings it may be hard cause it’s all fresh, pray to God, go to a Christian therapist or counseling to clear your mind. It has to help.

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Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

After my father died for seven years or more everyday I say I am glad he’s dead.

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Mims says April 3, 2021

Narcissist is word I never used. Now that I understand it, it seems to crop up in every conversation. My mother ruined our family because of her ways. My dad is gone, my sister is gone. The rest of my siblings barely talk. All this because one person controlled our beliefs, our feelings and even reputations. Poor mom. She’s 83 years old and still controlling the status quo. I have hated her but my sister wont let me keep that. One of my brothers goes back and forth between being tired of her to reminding me that she’s old and we might not have her around much longer..boo hoo. I dont know how I really feel. Its like, because of her I have no one, so I only have her! WTF? I do though…my children. People, find someone! Be close to others who share your understanding. Even if its online with strangers is better than alone and angry all the time. You will feel empowered the minute you declare that person has no more control of your feelings or decisions or life. You may worry that they will hurt who you are and damage your reputation but the truth is they already have. What have you got to lose? Love the ones who will accept you for who you are. The rest will suffer from the narcissists ways if they arent already. They will see eventually. But your life is what matters now. Take it back and live it with all the confidence and love you can give. BE FREE!!!!

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Jamie says March 26, 2021

When I happened upon your post about narcissism, it was like the lights were turned on. It fits him to a T. I stopped becoming enraged at everything he said. I ignored him. I filed to evict him, and he said he would vacate my house in 3 more days. I had been trying for six months to get him out. I went ahead with the eviction and it was granted. The judge told him to stay away from my house. He was very angry, but he left. What a relief. He has gone back to his home state. The end of a horrible nightmare.

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    Anonymous says May 3, 2021

    Yes , good for u !! There is no point in loving someone , who chooses not to love anyone.. Love isn’t one sided !! Use your experience to make u stronger and wizer .. Prepare a place in your heart for someone who will truly love .. Each person deserves their rewards for the good in them !! Have grace in your heart for your abuser , from a far .. You are better than their abuse !! Love with all your heart with true mercy !! Then u will be full

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Lynette Reddy says March 25, 2021

Hi. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 31/2 years. I loved uncondtionally and faithfully. I tolerated and understood. I believed in all the promises and hopes that we will live a happy life together. All I got was everything you described and more. The day I decided that enough was enough and I started enforcing boundaries was the day he decided to cheat on me while still telling me how much he loves and needs me. When he got exposed all he did was show no remorse but blamed me for humiliating him.He left me without a reason prior to me finding out about his affair. I still struggle with the emotional pain since i still love him but i will never take him back. Thank you

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    Carol says April 20, 2021

    Hi lynette , I find it crazy how they have no dignity humiliate themselves then blame others. You then flip and have had enough of their behavior. I feel for you Yes it hurts every day but you start to live life because so many other people support and love you.

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I Respect Love says March 25, 2021

You will possibly hear some ridiculous lies out of the narcissist, too. I suggest collecting hard evidence of their behaviour (unfortunately this can mean walking around with a bodycam on 24/7 they are so sneaky). Mine triggered me multiple times on purpose (I have CPTSD from the narc abuse and other abuse, yet of course they are the bigger victim). Just so she could point the finger at my shouting (I shout FACTS when triggered, stuff I’ve been gaslighted about for years that I have a right to let out). The sheer manipulative deviousness is beyond belief. Absolutely disgusting and deep inside they know they’re a bad person but denial is king in our family. At this point I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire, frankly. No morals whatsoever, disgusting control freak and pathetic obsession with power, always the men who have to be the bigger man yet pushes Feminism aggressively (which makes sense since Feminism involves a huge victimhood story of all women, and provides a vehicle to hide individual narcissism behind). I was further gaslighted and punished by someone who held responsibility over me, for openly criticising Feminism for this reason, like it was my fault. Of course, this other person is also a narcissist, it turns out. So was my hairdresser. So was my ex, many of them, yet accused me of being so (even though it was them more than me, but they had some logic since I inherited the traits from family). Then there was my ex-friend’s girlfriend who was manipulating him before they even got together, and he wouldn’t listen, the fool. Since I was a threat to her ability to totally control him, I had to go (no love lost!) People are utterly insane to tolerate this. They also scapegoat Trump like he’s the only narc around – or even the worst type (at least he’s overt, and obvious, put it that way). It’s ridiculous to hear them act like they’re any better or aren’t narcs. Pathetic. They’re everywhere. It is scary to test for them these days… Good luck loving people, stay safe.

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    Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

    If they declared hunting season on Narc I would say good they are dead.If I was watching a Narc on fire I would walk away and not boast at their short comings.

    Reply
    Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

    .If I was watching a Narc on fire I would walk away and not boast at their short comings.

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    Meni says April 26, 2021

    CPTSD (from 23 years with a narc) is spot on. I’m sorry for your experiences. I’m almost done with mine as my divorce trudges along the slow moving halls of justice.

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Heather Gray says March 20, 2021

I’m ready to be myself again.

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Anonymous says March 20, 2021

Don’t do it.

Consider this… anything you do which takes away from yourself …you gave her the win.

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Wendy says March 19, 2021

I need help now. I’m still in my relationship. I have left twice.

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Larecia m Woods says March 18, 2021

Wow this article was so enlight ing bc I was raised by a narristic my dad and everything in this article is everything my dad put me thru . IAM 51yrs old and I’m still struggling with the abuse and violence that I had to insure growing up with him the worthless feelings, the emptiness, just never feeling good enough,

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Ileana says March 17, 2021

Very good

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Aura says March 17, 2021

I’m in a relation with one and we have two kids 😔…I don’t know where to start 😢

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Bhekithemba Sithole says March 16, 2021

Thanks for professional advice

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Debbie says March 16, 2021

Such a good explanation of them thank you. I’ve gotten away from mine but my kids r still having to deal with this personality unfortunately and articles help me so much..
Thank u
Debbie mother of two teenage girls.

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AllOutForGood says March 15, 2021

My narc was a covert malignant narc… most of the time. He actually fluctuated between all the different “kinds” of narcissists which makes me wonder if there needs to be a narc classified as a “fluctuating” narc. In order to save myself, I had to give up my job and almost everything I owned. I moved 2500 miles away from
home. I am just beginning this new journey and chapter of my life, and it’s scary. If I had stayed where I was, I most likely would have committed suicide. Narcissistic abuse is no joke. Not enough people know what it is or know that it’s real. I had NO idea what a Narcissist REALLY was until after a couple years of verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse, him cheating, discarding me, bullying me at work, and then hovering over and over. Now I know. Never again. Time to heal and keep educating myself so that I never put up with anything like that ever ever ever again. Thank you very much for this article.

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DvK says March 14, 2021

Married to a narcissist for far to long. Got over the emotionally codependency some time ago, unfortunately we are financially codependent. I give him two thirds of my paycheck every time, does not leave much room for savings for me. He is of course in control of the finances. I had the good sense of keeping my own bank account. But every thing else ,car insurance, phone ect is in his name. This makes it hard to leave. It’s a constant battle of the wills at home, cause I will not give up my sense of self. But it’s taking its toll, anxiety plus everything that comes with that. I have no family left and my best friend lives on the other side of the country. Almost 60 years old, running out of energy. The will to leave is there, just not the money. I’m also not willing to leave every thing behind that I worked so hard for so he can have it all. I know its just things, but if you have not much to hold on to, they become important.

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K says March 13, 2021

I wish I had had this year’s ago… That being said all of these things, all of the heart ache is still there. I would love to be rid of it because I can’t move on with my life even with a car, my own apartment and friends
I still don’t have the confidence to get a job. I’m very well educated I know I can do it and I am so fearful

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Lovelybug says March 13, 2021

My mother is a narcissist and caused me to feel miserable as a child I’m glad now as an adult I’m able to see that she is a narcissist.

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Lydiah says March 13, 2021

I was married to narcissist for 7 yrs but I’m out now!At first it was a challenge because I didn’t understand his manipulative character! I’m happy now and at peace.Again I have some at work including my immediate manager!I’m struggling with her leadership because she believes she is the best.She uses the cognitive empathy to spread lies and even have people loosing their jobs unfairly.She doesn’t entertain any smart individual at work….. anyone who outsmart her faces the repurcussions of dismissal.She is a goddess despite the fact her techniques are outdated.She uses the flying mockeys to achieve her motives.
What should I do because her techniques are directed to me lately? Please advice

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Lydiah says March 13, 2021

I have also come out of a relationship with a narcissist,it has been hell.This article says it all

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Carol says March 12, 2021

This my thoughts on this. A narc will save up situations when they were hurt to fire back at you. A non narc makes mistakes but regrets them and tries to put them right and recognizes this and wants to move on. This me at this moment in time. At the same time I have been told that I have hashimoto disease this effects behavior and I was so sorry for my outburst but within that out burst I confronted the narc with nothing but the truth. That is when you really see their nasty side no empathy what so ever they are the victim.

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Kim says March 12, 2021

My mother, sister and several women at work have tried to take me down with their narcissistic behavior. I have put boundaries between my family. The girl at work is purely jealous I work only for insurance! She’s single black and with child not knowing who the father was. So she harassed me at work to feel better about her. Crazy thing is that she has talked crap about me to the managers!! Sad thing is that I was going to buy her many baby gifts to help her out!

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    Lily says April 7, 2021

    Why do we need to know her race?

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      Anonymous says April 17, 2021

      Why not!

      Reply
Alicia says March 11, 2021

I’ve been in this God Awful abusive relationship for nearly two awful awful yrs. He’s around me 24/7 literally and when it gets bad I basically have no choice but to take it. Of course I can normally skirt around certain things, but as of rt now I can barely take any more. My emotions r all over the board. I’m scared and physically shake when he turns that switch. It most often comes out of complete nowhere. I’ve been diagnosed w CPTSD long before I met him, and this constant state of hyper alert is really affecting me badly. At times I feel completely defeated, with almost no emotion at all. Or I’m overwhelmingly frantic inside when having to sit rt there in front of him while he berates me. For hours at a time sometimes. He’s even admitted he does it..just because he can…and that he likes doing it. I can be very sad and depressed not wanting to do anything. Won’t leave the ‘house’ sometimes for days…Let myself go, poor hygiene….and very deflated & can’t or don’t even attempt to defend myself. Other times I have strength and do all I have in me to not react. Leave for a few hours (very rare…I pretty much have to go w him wherever I go). I’m very rarely alone. During these times I begin small steps to get the hell out of here. I tell myself anything would be better than this…then some reality kicks in. I have no place to go. NO PLACE and he knows this & plays on it immensely. This is his biggest weapon. I will be homeless. I start to slowly forget or forgive a lil the things he’s said and done. And autopilot kicks in and I stay..
So emotionally I’m a complete mess. Don’t know if I’m coming or going and am just exhausted.
He does the very typical thing of telling everybody I’m crazy….unbalanced…can’t be or function alone….take a ton of medications. That my anxiety is sooo high he has to go w me everywhere or I won’t be able to complete any tasks without him there to do it ALL. I’ve had medical issues and he won’t let me go to appointments by myself (to be around dr.s & nurses & flirt or idk). Then he comes in w me, talks most of the time for me, and plays soo sympathetic and will help me through it all. He’s an angel. He goes to the window w me to make next appointment & literally does the entire thing. Gets mad at me If I even try to answer some questions, saying idk & will screw it up so he has to do it. My whole life is now run by him. IF HE EVER WORKS….which is almost NEVER I have to stay in the house pretty much the whole time. He does day labor, maybe once a week…just enough to survive, then bums off everyone else as much as possible. Has no shame. Everyone loves him after all, so they’ll help him. Delusional..!!.. He’s also God’s greatest gift to all women on this earth. Elderly, teens, guys, ppl anywhere…they all want him…& He truly believes this.
Anyhow, he won’t work and makes every excuse imaginable. They don’t have any jobs that day
(his new fav.) I’ve actually called and he was very much lying.) And Then the main one being I’ll be fucking every one in sight while he’s gone. He’s not gonna leave me alone here so he can come home to another man’s nasty on his bed. Also his alarm didn’t go off, he’s soo sore and could get hurt if he’s not up to par … He didn’t get enough sleep because I kept him up all night…He’s Soo tired and has high blood pressure so could have a heart attack or stroke….my dog ate my homework shit that’s pathetic for a grown ass man. He of course would never let me work, (and I’m such an invalid I can’t anyway) So I’m forced to live day to day poor as hell not knowing where next meal is…it’s that bad.
I’m sorry I wrote all of this…novel…..I just needed to get it out. There’s much more abuse, but I’m exhausted talking about it all. I need help. Really Really badly. I won’t have a home if I leave. I have nobody. No family , No friends, nothing…we all know why that is….so I’ll be at a homeless shelter if I leave. I’ve learned a lot about them in researching my options. And it’s really bad. I’ll lose everything. Have no place to put it. Only sleep there…on a hard mat on the floor…they kick you out at 430 a.m. It’s in a very bad part of town. This is not my life. That’s insane to me. But what else is there? Please someone if you read this, I need help. I’m in agony. Daily. Hourly. It’s that bad.
I need assistance. And someone to talk to.

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Thokozile T says March 11, 2021

Thnx for helpful advice about these trouble souls kind of beings, I suffer being ill treated by my colleague narcissists, armed myself with helpful advice and learning to know more about their sick behavior help me tactfully get the strength and wisdom to win her and break free from her abusive behavior, it was difficult for anyone to notice my pain or believe me when trying to explain what was going on,getting more knowledge in any website describe narcissists, It was like I finally saw the light to get out from the black hole I was trapped in for a long time, I became calmer freeing myself from her,I kept strong boundaries between me and her,and I gain my confidence back, and peace of mind, I’m still slowly going through a healing process, because I had a hatred anger abhorrence towards her,now I have found a place in my heart to just forgive her

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danie young says March 10, 2021

Awesome

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Tricia says March 10, 2021

Great article! My ex-husband would repeatedly make this one statement that really summed up his narcissistic behavior. Anytime I didn’t stroke his ego, he always said, “I’m going to make some calls”. This typically meant that he was going to call a divorce lawyer. As years passed and he kept making his infamous threat, I began handing him the yellow pages so he could look up the divorce lawyers. He also loved shouting this insult at me, “Shut your hole”. I’m grateful to have move on from this creep.

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paul Hernandez says March 10, 2021

This is so real I have lived this life for almost 20 years I understand now why my live with my girl has been so hard to be happy Happens is the goal we as humans aim high. TY. P
aul H
.

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Anonymous says March 9, 2021

OMG -reading this article made me think that maybe I am a narcissist, and didn’t realise. I hate being told “no”, I can be a control freak at times, do not react well to criticism, and have few friends. I prefer to be alone.
But some of that may also be Aspergers’s.

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Bobbi Jo Hinton says March 8, 2021

Dear Kim,
After 42yrs of this abuse, I supported us, he stayed home, convinced me it would be best, I divorced him, 6 most ago. He still texts with nasty messages, I just ignore him. He quilted me into doing things that he didn’t want to do. I still feel that I did the right thing, but he still attacks me, I start crying, thinking, maybe I did do the wrong thing.

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Anonymous says March 8, 2021

Thanks for this. I’ve always felt like I was in such a confusing place. Learning about the cycle of abuse helped me see how she lets me cool off then without discussing the latest attacks resume normalcy
Then bam. Again

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pat says March 7, 2021

You all are so very helpful. Everything you’ve posted she tends to do is doing or has done… I’m only in so far for two years I found you by accident and started reading. I have isolated from family I realized this and realized how I was being minimized. And given the cold shoulder naaaai get it it’s not me I’m not the problem it makes it much easier when there is support system like there is here..thank you and to all you can do it….

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Kim says March 7, 2021

I related to every single word in this article. It’s as if you were writing to me about my ex.
Foolishly I went back to him at least 100 times with his empty promises to change.
By the time I finally left, I’d lost myself and the will to live.
I’d continuously get roped in by his manipulative and cunning ways. I was “chasing that high”.
3 years on, I’ve finally woken up.
It was the hardest 3 years of my life to date, but let me assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And when you finally get to that place, you will realise it was all worth it.
Free yourself.

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Anna Marie says March 6, 2021

This article is so true ! Every single word , I have lived . 12 years of hell , ridicule & abuse but 4 years FREE . Still single & learning to love myself again .

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BushraZ Blogs says March 5, 2021

Oh my God, reading this article made me realise that I’m living with a narcissist..

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Ryan says March 2, 2021

Oh dear…

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Muso Lekhetho says February 28, 2021

I need help and I’m ready to move on

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Anonymous says February 28, 2021

This article is spot on!

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Teresa says February 28, 2021

My adopted daughter’s biological mother is a narcissist and has had enough influence on 2 of her 5 children that all she’s accomplished is spewing hate. I personally have blocked her on every single device, website and platform possible to keep her away from myself and family.

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Anonymous says February 26, 2021

Very informative and helpful. Thanks 😌

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AbbyKW says February 24, 2021

My narcissist abuser was my supervisor in graduate school in Maryland. I was a student. He pursued me aggressively and less than 2 months of meeting him, he proposed to get married. A month later I found out I was pregnant and he forced me to have an abortion. The grief was unbearable – when I tried to write about the experience and share it with other women, he deleted my essay and locked me out of my accounts. My life was hell on earth for 2 years; telling me to kill myself, and awful, horrific abuse. My heart and soul had died – it was almost unsurvivable. I accepted that he was going to kill me because he said he would. It was very hard to get out, and away from him. The abuse continues and I fear for my life, but I thank God that I am physically away from his control and abuse. I pray that others who are dealing with these monsters, horrific criminals who inflict maximum suffering on innocent people, are able to find the strength and courage to seek help, to hold on to some goodness in the world, see the light and run, fast and as quickly as possible. Narcissists are mentally ill, and it is not your job to fix them or let them destroy you so they can gain pleasure and power. If I got out, I hope others can too. x

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Frank says February 21, 2021

I’ve come out of a relationship with a narsasist

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    Kim Saeed says February 22, 2021

    I feel for you, Frank. I hope you are finding ways to heal and enjoy peace.

    Kim

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Anonymous says February 21, 2021

They LOVE strong women . It’s a challenge.

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    Izzie says March 3, 2021

    I was a very strong, confident, and independent woman when I met my narcissist.
    Over a 9 year period he slowly and methodically destroyed my confidence, strength, and independence. It wasn’t until it was too late that I realized why had happened.
    Now that he’s been removed from my life I’ve begun the healing process, I’m not quite 100% but getting there.
    The hardest realization I’ve had to accept and work diligently on is my inability to allow ANYONE to get close to me and I don’t allow anyone to hug me. I’ve always been an openly warm and welcoming person. Not allowing this to happen takes an emotional toll.
    With guidance and consistency, I’ll be better than I ever was.

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Candy Alexander says February 19, 2021

Thank you for helping me understand what they are doing so I can free myself from the torture.

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    Kim Saeed says February 22, 2021

    You’re welcome, Candy ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

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      Stacy says June 19, 2021

      9 years and in total awe at the destruction one man has caused in my already tragic life. Him knowing the details and still finding it in him to emotionally physically mentally and personally abuse me is something I am having a hard time with. It’s hard to believe that I’m so stupid to not be aware of the evil that lies within his lies. I’m very aware now of what he is, the evil and insidious nature that is the explanation for something like him. They are not people, they are real life monsters and they will get you. It’s not a dream or a nightmare you wake up from ever. For the rest of your life you have to face the facts that you allowed this diabolical deviant into your most personal and beautiful parts and he didn’t once think of you when he was planning his destruction. How does one forgive oneself for their own stupidity and naïveté? Is there forgiveness for oneself after this. I don’t know how to start or where to begin. I’ve been in therapy for 4 years, but it does no good if you don’t get rid of the thing that put you there. There’s just too much that goes into destroying a person for the destroyed person to be able
      To iterate all that’s been done! I want to die. Or am I already dead from this dreadful
      Existence?

      Reply
    Terri says June 16, 2021

    Kim Saeed is an Blessing because her knowledge have helped set me free🙏😅

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Valorie says February 18, 2021

My baby brother conned and scammed everyone from our high school. Later in my 20’s after my divorce I couldn’t change back to my maiden name because of his reputation. Now he’s a bragging show off millionaire salesman. My mother made her golden boy executive of her trust, leaving me and my son out. My father had promised me $200, 000 which this brother swayed my mother to leave to him. He stands to gain $2 million. He brings up often his dislike that my son opened his heart at the eulogy for his love of grandpa. Now he’s out of the will that my dad left. He insisted I moved from my lovely apartment of five years to this condo my mother got after my grandmother died. He promised he’d have my mother put it in my name so I could sell it and buy my own home. Of course it was only so he can call me and tell me to get out in one week unless I do what he wants. I’m on SS disability pushing 70 years old and can’t save to move as he refuses to fix anything so I take out loans for furnace repairs etc. I had plans for my inheritance and this brother and my mother publicly humiliates me that I’m living off my mother and don’t work making me look pathetic. I enjoyed my life I had previously.

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    Martha says March 3, 2021

    I know I’m probably a little late to reply, but I hope you see this message, Valorie. Please, please go talk to a lawyer who specializes in estate law. Just because your brother is executor of the estate does not mean he has free reign to do whatever he wants, cut people out of trusts, etc. He has a legal obligation to handle the estate fairly and in accordance to your father’s wishes. If he fails to do so, he can be removed as executor, fined, and possibly even face charges for fraud, theft, etc. depending on what he’s done.

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    KATHY Lindberg says April 30, 2021

    I so know the situation you have allowed by biting the hook when you were and are most vulnerable. It is horrible. What will get things flowing again is mentally not giving or reacting to their abuse.

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kimber says February 18, 2021

After reading this blog, I am convinced that my almost 30 year old daughter is a narcissist. I told her “No” last week as I was unable to stay the night with her due to other commitments. She not only became volatile because of it, but threatnened to basically cut me off. She has given me the silent treatment for almost a week! I contacted her several times. She just gives me a quick response and I haven’t seen my 6 month old granddaughter because of my daughter’s anger towards me and my not giving in to what she wanted. I refuse to allow her to control me any longer. I will set boundaries, even if it means I will have to forego seeing my grandbaby as much as I would like. It’s just too exhausting.

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Nicky says February 16, 2021

I met one in June..l thought we had a great connection..on my Birthday, the attention I’ve got from my friends and student’s texting me throw him off balance and he got way too upset , using Coronavirus as an excuse for his bypass and accusing me widely socializing (only text messages)..he left me..only short text messages now and then..no phone no face to face..no visiting just breadcrumbed and continued on meeting women on date sites for sex and move to next one..lied a lot blames his ex (deceased wife cheated on him) l don’t believe since he is a sex addict..lied and tried to keep me as an option..but l wrote and finished this nonsense for good blocked him..but he was still hosting me.. everything I read here is describing him 68 yrs old Aquarius man on dating sites..

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Sherry Wathen says February 14, 2021

I have known many.🦋

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Anonymous says February 13, 2021

I want to thank everyone who left their stories here. I just suffered another breakdown at the hands of my narcissistic ex almost 2 years after I’ve left and filed divorce. He’s dragged everything out and done everything to try to hurt me. I dream of the day the connection will be fully severed. It is a nightmare that I can’t just get away. Reading your stories breaks my heart, but I don’t feel so alone. I don’t feel crazy like I am driven to feel. It’s validating.
Stay strong everyone!

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    17 years and counting says March 2, 2021

    I would love to start friendships with whoever I can. I have no one to talk to about the hell I live in or any encouragement from my family. I pray for you all. Praise those who have broke free.

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    Lynn says March 2, 2021

    My ex can’t even say “hi” to me even in front of family, He also dragged out our divorce and I had to leave my children with him. Now, almost 20 years later I’m soon to receive pension benefits from him as I won 55%. Can’t wait to enjoy the funds after he stated I’d get nothing!

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    Carolyn says March 6, 2021

    Baby, you’re never alone!!

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wifeofnpd says February 7, 2021

Married 50 years, found out I was married to a narcissist just a few years ago too late. Every. single. thing. mentioned describes my husband to a T. His emotional and psychological abuse has waned considerably during the passage of time, age, and homebody lifestyle, but he put me through hell before that. Now, I am a invaluable comfort to him in our twilight years. Oh, if I had known years ago what I had to learn decades later 😔

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Nancy Pouchie says February 7, 2021

God led me to this site . I left a man after being married 53yrs I was only 17 yrs old

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Vicki Grimes says February 6, 2021

I am 66 years old and have suffered my entire life from a narcissistic father. The only thing that helps me is to stay away from him. That is sad, but I have finally decided to protect myself from him. He has been so hateful and hurtful to me.

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Margaret Fitzgerald says February 4, 2021

Reading this is my Son to a T it’s taken me about 25 yrs or more and worse he getting that with a heavy heart I
Must step back for good before he puts me in an early grave

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    Bekah ❤️ says April 7, 2021

    I’m sorry ❤️

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Asrimah says February 2, 2021

Thanks.🥺🥺🥺💗

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Donna Schmidt says February 1, 2021

32 years with my narcissistic husband. Im 55 and realize by time im fixed from all this ill be too tired to date. I haven’t left yet as i am broke having supported himi for years. I had to stop working because of a nervous breakdown. Now i am bipolar2 which mostly depressed. I feel like this article is about my life. Cant believe i let this hapoen to myself. My house is crazy with fighting.im in a different bedroom
to avoid him and his verbal abuse. He just walks on and starts talking. He doesnt care if im on the phone. The older he gets the worse he is..get out/away from him. Life is too short to dral with a

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Lisa says January 30, 2021

I am in love with a narcissist and he dumped me he abused me physically mentally and verbally and he went to jail and he lied in court about me he doesn’t want to see me anymore because he went to prison I’m in love with him I don’t know what to do

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Nekka says January 22, 2021

Trying to figure me out

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L says January 21, 2021

Finally done after 20 years with a narcissist. I’m his 2nd wife too. Only reason we lasted so long is because I’m extremely patient! I made too many excuses for him.
He’d always punish me because his first wife cheated on him. I was very loyal, never even looked at other men. His jealousy (over nothing) would cause him to be immature and give me the silent treatment for days on end. Always making me feel like I did something wrong. All my coworkers told me his behavior was not right and I just made excuses for him. He has destroyed several wedding rings just to try to get a reaction out of me.
I quit reacting.
His adult daughter is also a narcissist, in her eyes she has never done anything wrong, everyone else has. She continuously talks bad about everyone, including all her family members! Everyone is the problem in her eyes. Little does she know that everyone thinks she’s a difficult person and many cousins have removed her off their social media feed because of her fake daily perfect family. She really needs to talk to someone about all her insecurities either with herself or her jealousy of others. So glad to be getting out of it all, my soon to be ex husband’s only ‘adult’ relationship is with his adult co dependent daughter yet he can only deal with her in small doses. She drives him nuts yet they are two peas in a pod.
His circle is very small, his only friends are his immediate family.
I’m sad to give up after 20 years and I feel like I failed our teen daughter (we have one child together) but my daughter deserves better. He has called me explicit names in front of her and continues to insult me. This environment is not good for her or anyone.
Reading this post, I finally realized that indeed he truly is a narcissist. Thank your for writing this article, it’ll help many.
I’m excited and looking forward to cleansing the toxins out of my life and start fresh.

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Nancy L says January 21, 2021

I had a horrible time recovering from a man I loved that was a narcissist. So difficult to deal with the anger inside for falling for his traps. He is continuously engaged and starts other relationships. Now he is on his second marriage. He seems to be sponging off women rather than acting like a man. It’s sad because I genuinely loved him and he is content to be a loser. I hope he finds the help he needs before he ruins another persons life.

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    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    They don’t want to change . They are perfect.

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Shellee says January 18, 2021

My daughter has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder And after reading this she follows Or seems to have many of these symptoms.
How do I talk to her to avoid BPD damage and naricissim?
How do you walk away from your daughter?. your only child?

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Kristina Roberts says January 17, 2021

I been with him for almost 20 years and because of things at this time well are I still here .I have I guess say doing little harmless stuff that he has no idea like letting the air out of 1 tire and he just can’t understand why it keeps going low (he knows his way around cars) so you can imagine how this drives him nuts LOL) this may not be in the books but it sure is funny😆😘🤗

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Connie says January 16, 2021

I have been on the crazy train for 6 years. Lived with him for 2 years and kicked him out. Felt guilty about kicking him out and that is where the other 4 years went. On & off relationship with him… out of my house though. He was cheating on me the very first day he walked into my home and professed his everlasting love to me. That’s why he got kicked out. He blamed me for ruining his life every day after that. I became trauma bonded as they say with his abusive outlandish behavior. He yells at everybody then turns on the nice button to impress who he feels he needs to impress. Flirts with women right in front of me and tells me I’m a very jealous individual. I thought I was going crazy until I read what a narcassist is and it all fell into place. I knew he was nuts but I was so bonded to him that I began questioning my own sanity. I finally changed my number and went no contact. He showed up at my job and asked WHY? He loved me with all his heart. I was sucked back in and 3 weeks later he was doing the disappearing act and blocking my calls. I will never trust this person. I am waisting my life on this LIAR. I’m so tired of him sucking the life out of me. He wants to marry me he says. NO I am smart enough not to do it. He has been divorced 3 times and now I am well aware as to why his marriages ended. He wants a successful woman so he can build her up and knock her down when she doesn’t agree with him. We fought so may times over my son and I really feel he was jealous of my son and wanted all the attention. He would throw childish fits, get out of the car and start walking or scream in a rage when I did not agree with him. Anytime I tried to speak to him in a serious manner concerning the way he acts, he would laugh and smile and gaslight and move on to another subject real quick. He called me a liar all the time and had me listed as LIAR in his phone system. When I called him, LIAR would pop up on his phone. He cusses like a sailor, puts down others continuosly and thinks he knows it all. I have made the decision to block him again and never look back. It’s nice to see other stories and that I’m not the only one going through this hell. I really need to feel sorry for myself instead of this psychotic game playing NARC. I hope and pray this time he will back off. I hope his disappearing act is another woman…good for me but my heart goes out to his next victim.

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    LISA says January 20, 2021

    I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A NARCISSISTIC PERSON FOR 20 YEARS AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING NEVER MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE SORRY.

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      Anonymous says February 19, 2021

      This was so much knowledge not to have.. Thanks

      Reply
    Anonymous says January 21, 2021

    This is new for me also, but I’m a strong women and I’ve been doing a lot of reading on men with this disease. We are victims. I’ve only been with this demented person for 7 months which I’m so glad that it really doesn’t bother me anymore, now than I understand he’s a narcissist. The only problem I have which to me is we have a lease together for 11 months and I have a disabled mother here but she seems to like him. He’s not abusive, but cheats.
    He is now living in the spare room on a air mattress 🤣.
    I can handle this for 11 months, I look at it this way, he lost out, he has nothing, no one but a room, and air mattress, I won’t let him on my living room furniture or he will get spayed down with Raid. I’m glad that I’m not in love and I did a lot of reading about Narcissist men and I really feel for women who are not strong enough to let go.

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      Kage says March 19, 2021

      Dude, way to big up yourself while shitting on others; but maybe before pronouncing yourself superior to these women who just “aren’t strong enough to let go”, you should walk a mile in their Manolos, yes? That’s some Big Judgement energy you got going on there, luv.

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Anna Holladay says January 14, 2021

Very true and extremely helpful

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Sammy says January 12, 2021

I am married to a narcissist who has a pattern of cop caller I recently embarrassed him bad in public he went crazy and sneakily called cops behind my back I never even knew until they where at my door now I have a felony that the state is trying to charge me with I am terrified. This is the 3rd time he has done this making false police reports about me.i investigated and you can be charged with a felony 1 year mandatory sentence and 500$ fine for making false reports domt know what to do this is my husband claims I called cops on myself. REALLY??? I would love feed back .I am just done with this whole thing. He has given me the worst experience of my life cant stop crying….

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    Lisa Thompson says January 25, 2021

    He once threaten to call the police on me said it was a joke I told him it was a nun humorous joke. I was like why would you call the police on me and in this town by myself. He has a problem though double standards caught him cheating and then I revenge, well had my phone open and he went in it, next thing I know I was getting choke he was so hurt crying and pulling cover over his face. I am like okay what do you think I went through and the sad thing is he is cheating again yet he try to pretend its a figment of my imagination. I have no proof, because he dare wont open his phone up, yet I am the villain and he is a victim I am like are you kidding me. Of course he is using this to his advantage, and I am like dude your actions indicate you are cheating again. I have told him lets do our own thing and we can continue to stay together because we in a lease together split rent and go on about our daily routine, but no. So I have been doing distortion things I had to ask constantly are we over don’t care either way it may go finally he said no. He can be nice sometimes then a jerk, I cut up some pictures and just left him in there by himself. I tell him you are always right and I am wrong such an angel, you treat me like I am an option. Say in love with me but yet why are you cheating so I don’t mean nothing to you let you be in the picture alone.

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    Mel says February 14, 2021

    You’ll find yourself in a mess because the narc sets you up. Best to move on. Detach and kiss em goodbye.

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    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    Contact legal aid or go to a woman s shelter

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carol says January 11, 2021

Get out from these relationship whilst you have life left to live. I have had to make the heart breaking decision leaving behind a baby so that the child wont be used in the horrid tangled disgusting behavior of the mother. My heart aches so much but until our son comes to his senses we know that what’s left of our life will be destroyed as well. Our sons partner has cut all them off from both family sides and friends yet cries wolf that know one loves them. I ended up with a break down trying to come to terms with the fact the our beautiful son became her flying monkey we don’t even know him any more he can be so loving the next totally mixed up and aggressive . It just breaks my heart to have watched the demise of what he once was a person turned into a shy slave with no confidence just heartbreaking. These narcs are greedy lazy self centered nasty pieces of work . I still question my sanity every day as to why these people are so nasty and what they get out of making peoples life’s so unhappy, Already she is using my grandchild for emotional blackmail using to hurt our family. I wish you all love and hope one day our son comes back to us and finds real love not fake demoralizing control that these monsters take from peoples souls,

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    Debbie says January 12, 2021

    Carol I know exactly how you feel have got the same problem only he had broken up with her .Then it cries wolf as kids went on a holiday with real Dad,to cut a long story short she had to pick them up &says can we stay with yous for a week or so,ends up weaving her way back with him and conveniently falls pregnant now we’ve back to we’re we started omg l wanna knock some sense into my son & it’s nasty bit gear,lazy beep

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    Valorie says February 18, 2021

    I raised my granddaughter till she was five as my son works and his wife lived across country with a sugar daddy that she got from doing pornography online. My son saw nothing wrong in this and now she comes back and I am not allowed to see him or my granddaughter again. I have read the messages that she texts him all day long. She has trained him like a slave to come home and do the dishes and take out the trash and not to be with any friends or his mother or she will break his computer or anything he values. You said it correct when you said shy slave. She put him down for being only a manager at a store that he loved and they moved away without him saying good bye. My concern is for my granddaughter that is only treated like her property now. She’s not allowed to have friends and stays in her room reading books even on summer vacations. She has been brainwashed to forget me. My granddaughter and my son are very social creatures and people love being with them. My sons wife admits she’s antisocial and is training them to be like that also. My son has charm and charisma that attract people and I see that his wife has destroyed that. Not even a phone call on Christmas:(:(

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    Olive says May 10, 2022

    I feel everyone’s pain, left my Narc husband 12 years ago, have 3 beautiful daughters, now 13,15, 20, he never made life easy, never bothered with them, until I settled down with my new partner, just moved into my new house 2 years ago & within 6 weeks he had my girls turned against me, my daughters tell me they don’t need me, and they would rather die than see me. my daughters have no respect, hardly go to school, they have no boundaries, it breaks my heart, can’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. He is a self centered horrible monster, and yet to look at him you would think he was an angel! My daughters are destroyed, I had given them a great start in life only to be destroyed.

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Jeanette Moremi says January 11, 2021

This information I found me at the edge of my life thank you

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Ludy says January 10, 2021

Kim, you saved my life!
Thank you😊

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Anonymous says January 10, 2021

Kim, you saved my life!
Thank you😊

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Amos says January 9, 2021

I have been through all that

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Alice Slinger says January 6, 2021

I’m living with a narcissist help me to leave

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Famatta says January 4, 2021

I was with a narcissist forc18 years and didn’t realize it. He made me feel worthless. I had to leave him. Reading this article helped me understand his behavior.

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Martin Morse says January 4, 2021

Man this fits the woman i have been with for the last five years perfectly she has me so down on myself all i can think about is ending my life i have’nt had thoughts like that since i was a teen ager im 55 in a couple of months and all the good ive done and accomplishments ive made in my life anything that made me proud to be me has been stripped away shreded stomped on burned to ashes and blown away in the wind as if it never existed. To tell you the truth what i was befor seems like just a dream .day in and day out its like a recording. On a reel to reel when we first got together i made a mistake of looking at her phone because i was getting suspicious that she had other things going on out side of our relationship what i found out ragged me and broke my heart and when she found out i knew that was the day the devil came in to my life i have been in hell eversince ive never delt with this kindnof person without realizing it right away and getting as far away from them for ever but this one she sunk her tallens in deep stuck me in a place that makes it almost imposible to get out. All the times ive tried she’s called friends to help her keep me from taking my things that i came here with even the motorcycle my brother baught me .when i got the title she waited until i was asleep took it and put it in her name now when we fight and i want to leave she uses it against me just one more thing to give her the upper handive caught her and her daughter stealing my things many times. She tells me on a daily how her kid has screwed her over and shes not like that but they go hand in hand her daughter. Is exactly like her and she denys any part of it . the crap goes on and on deeper and deeper to deep. If i say something to my friends or family it gets back to her so i have no one i can trustbthis whole thing is so incredibly unbelievable i can only see one way out

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    myname says January 28, 2021

    I feel for you. I’m there too with a woman been with for years, though not as deep as you, I don’t share anything with her on paper.

    Leave with nothing if you have to, even starting from the bottom you will be so much better off so much sooner.

    I’m still looking for my way out, because I can’t leave where I am, and I fear repercussions.

    Remember who you were before she was in your life, be strong. Be patient. Don’t let them destroy us.

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    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    Pack up your stuff and if possible MOVE!

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Lav says January 4, 2021

Haahahahha public humiliation is the worst thing for them.
But the best you can do when you notice that you have narcis near is ruuuuun !

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Jermena says December 28, 2020

Kim, this is beautiful.
My boss and his wife right now are the devil incarnate. After thoughtful discussion with myself, I decided to walk away. I haven’t gotten another job yet, but am so happy just even thinking about my freedom that awaits me come the end of the month. I took up a stand for myself and decided to remove myself from this abusive and very toxic environment in which i have been working for the past 6 months. You will not believe their explosive reaction in my in-box when i sent them my resignation mail! All a long they had gotten so comfortable with humiliating me and belittling me, calling me useless and not worthy of their company, all while i was giving the best of myself for a smooth flow of work at the company. Because i chose to keep quiet and focus on fulfilling my duties at work, they completely took me for a fool. Now yesterday i dropped the bomb and they were so outraged and hurled all kinds of threats but its just a waste of time. I have already made my decision and there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it. I even found their outburst so funny…. i mean, you cant spend your entire time trying to prove to another person how useless they are, and when they decide to leave you, you all get worked up and try to get them to stay, all in the most pathetic way possible; threats and yelling.
All i can say is, good riddance!

Thank you Kim for your empowering words 🙂

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Nicole Bruce says December 27, 2020

I love your site and videos. I now realize that I’ve been raised by a narc and two of my three serious relationships have been with narcs. Knowing this helps me to make better decisions. Thank you!

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Don says December 27, 2020

Thanks to you. I’m a free man, of six months. It still continued. So I broke off all communication with her. She never new when to stop.

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Jane says December 26, 2020

This article really is spot on. I was in a living nightmare for 8 years but didn’t realise it at the time. Fortunately I got out of an abusive/violent marriage 20 years ago, with my baby daughter and son, and have never looked back. Such a liberating experience – difficult at first – but wonderful to find myself again. My children are doing very well and are well balanced individuals.
Wish I had found this exact article to read a very long time ago! I’m sure it will help others. Thank you.

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Anonymous says December 26, 2020

I’ve been married to one for 20yrs now and have finally found the courage to leave.

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Dionne says December 25, 2020

I was married to one 33years a friend send me this iets like on the spot

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Anonymous says December 24, 2020

Its only now that I become aware about narcissism, And as I read more about it i become afraid that I have narcissistic traits which I know I’m not before,My friends often called me sweet but after sometime when my partner betrayed me I got upset and really upset that I fight with him I was in rage Am I a narcessist?

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Rowan says December 24, 2020

This is SO wonderful, you describe my mother EXACTLY ON ALL POINTS! I did escape her, lived my life (was in a lot of therapy for awhile). Now I’m back living with her, she’s 80 and in the early stages of alzheimer’s so my living with her (no one else is willing to) allows her a last bit of independence…. but DAMN it’s hard to cope, my drinking and smoking are WAY up as well as having now developed blood pressure problems, I think you could guess why that happened. Anyway, LOVE your article, it has really helped, thank you. 🙂

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Robert Austin says December 24, 2020

You did a good job you hit it right on the target.I hate narciss so unbelievable I spit this poison out of my mouth everyday.I see it so clearly I spit out their poison everyday in the healing I am working towards healing.I was scorched earth.I remember far back as 3 yrs old I am now 67 yrs old.I have learn to hate narciss deeply.What a waste of time they are .I wish I was the invisible man and teach them a lesson that they were the ones going crazy come to think of it they are crazy and don’t deserve to live on this planet. I SEE THE TRUTH.Be still ,list, and watch they get consumed by their own fire .Love is love and be in love with love.

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Carrol Welch says December 19, 2020

This is the most truthful reading of a narcissist person I have experienced. Right on point!

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Anonymous says December 19, 2020

This is the most truthful reading of a narcissist person I have experienced. Right on point!

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Susan Brock says December 15, 2020

Never show weakness to him/her. Never show fear or depeat. Never cry in front on him/her.

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Anonymous says December 8, 2020

Am leaving with one narc and don’t know how to deal with him

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Carol says December 5, 2020

Don’t tell him. He will either get furious and threaten you or worse or he’ll put in the chart to lure you back. Either way it will make it harder. Just go!!!

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KrisB says November 28, 2020

After smashing a desk in the driveway happened, (changed the porch furniture triggered this) I went to his physician and explained the “rage was over reacting” and I was concerned, they asked me if I thought anything else. I said, “I am not a psychiatrist, but he exhibits almost every narcissist trait.” The medical assistant who is Jamaican (so is he) stated: “all Jamaican men are narcissist. It’s a misogynist culture after all.”
They called him in a month later, under the guise of “blood work”, and he has since retreated to the basement, and doesn’t say a peep.
He’s turned every family member against me, but honestly, they were not nice to me ever, so it’s actually a blessing in disguise.
My OBGYN and primary care doctors, all have this documented in my chart.
He’s exposed and he knows, professional people are aware.
I was skeptical they would even get involved, now they check on me all the time.
TELL PEOPLE who can report abuse & make him know it,.

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Shannon says November 26, 2020

I would like to attend!!I have been no contact for almost 5 months

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Marcia North says November 22, 2020

I’ve left my narrcisst but still have court to deal with because he claims I hurt him.hope I can get help before I give up.

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    Anonymous says February 19, 2021

    Stay strong

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Xavier says November 21, 2020

Great list. They also HATE it when they discard us and we ACCEPT the discard. I like this article about accepting discard.

When we accept their discard or silent treatment it shows them they are NOT valuable to get upset over!

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Numa says November 18, 2020

I left my Narc yesterday. I cussed him out and it felt so good because I had never done that before. Its been 3 years and I know that may not seem like a long time to most people, but it was to me. Everyone told me he was a psychopath and a whore but I didn’t believe it. I always want to help those that feel left out, so I thought everyone was bullying him, “I’ll be your friend” was the worst mistake of mine. He proved them all right. Cursing him out felt great because I’m tired of being hurt and punished for wanting to be in love. I deserve better.

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Co-co says November 15, 2020

Oh wow, though I know this, I lost myself with someone like this. Yet, you feel that it is your fault, the forgetting, being exhausted

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Travi says November 13, 2020

I am trying to leave 1st time with my n his dogs whom also get abused. I have no money, no car nothing as his destroyed it all. I am not sure what am going to do but i will not be here anymore. The DV HOTLINE IS USELESS as of tomorrow Nov14, 2020 I maybe homeless in Dallas, County, TX. Pray for me.

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MELANIE Mott says November 12, 2020

All of your comments reflects t both former lovers and my most recent boss. I realize now that the signs were screaming out ar me but I did not get it. I am now aware enough to walk ASAP!!!

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Trapped in hell says November 7, 2020

Hi, I’ve been reading a lot about Narcissist and it’s really depressing how spot on these articles are. Like another commenter here I gave up everything thinking my husband was good. I was tricked and manipulated by him. And now I’m trapped in a foreign country with my 6 American kids. He promised me we’d travel every summer to visit my family and for 7 years he kept telling me he couldn’t afford the trip.

Hekept making me feel guilty and a bad wife for asking him to keep his promise. My husband has so much money but he’s so cheap. I think it’s his way of controlling me. I haven’t read much about money and narcissists but my husband only spends on what he feels is necessary and his needs. When my brother offered to pay for the airfare costs for me and my kids to visit them, my husband dropped a bomb on me.
He told me he never intended on taking me back to visit my family with all of the kids. The first thing that came to my mind is that it’s his way of keeping me in this country. And if it weren’t for his abuse he wouldn’t have any reason to distrust me and worry I’d stay in the states. I actually never felt trapped until I found out I was. Even though he’s abusive, the thought of breaking up the family and putting my kids through and awful divorce had never crossed my mind.
So this to me was the ultimate betrayal. It’s been a year and I can’t look at him. At first I tried to fake some sort of acceptance. I mean I had faked love for over 17 years but I was faking that to avoid the reality because accepting my husband was abusive would only hurt me. Now that the blindfold had been forcefully lifted I couldn’t swallow anymore of his narcissistic behaviour. I had suddenly realised all the horrible things he did to me were for his selfish reasons. Not the fantasy theories I had made up in my head. I was so angry I couldn’t look at him!
So I basically took away all that he fed off from me. I’m practically starving him. And this has made him extremely violent and he’s always threatening me with sending me back to America without my kids.
I take his threat very seriously. I know now that he’s not feeding off my emotions, I literally ignore him now. He has no use of me. I’m 100% sure he’s only letting me stay because of his perfect image he has with family and friends. His worst fear is humiliation. He’s told me! Our divorce after 17 years would be image suicide for him. He’s letting me go visit my family soon with my younger kids. I’m so terrified he might change his mind since he’s ignoring me too now. His threats stopped getting the reaction he was used to getting. I wish I could fake or pretend respect for him, I know that would have him feeling high as a kite. He’s miserable without my constant approval and praise. But I just can’t.
I’m praying so hard he won’t change his mind and not let me take this trip.
The tickets are booked and payed for. But I’m constantly fearing he’ll some how figure out that my anger is actually deep hatred and that I’m not planing on coming back!
But if my family was shocked when I decided to leave three kids behind. I’m sure he couldn’t possibly imagine me capable of doing that. My kids are everything to me a d he know that. I’m not abandoning my kids I have a plan but the separation will be hard for my kids but I have to save myself before it’s too late.
I lay at night reading these articles about narcissistic men and it’s still horrifying how I couldn’t see the sickness before. I’m so angry with myself. I let him abuse me and I let him separate me from my eldest son from a previous marriage. I also let him separate me from my own family. I lost 18 years of my life and I’m not even sure how I will gain custody of all if my kids. But I have hope God will help me get through this successfully without loosing more I have already lost so much 🥺💔.

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Jays 4 U says November 6, 2020

Nar= NEVER A RESPONSE

You have put your heart into a NAR. Your mission is over. The NAR is quick sand. They suck.

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Deena says October 29, 2020

I’ve been broken up with my Narrasticist for 8 months. The hardest thing I’ve experienced is not the actual break up but the smear campaign she has done and continues to do to me. I’m a public official, and she’s damaged my reputation with lies that effected my career, my family, my co Workers, and even some of my friends. She’s done so much damage in a year that I’m still pricing together her bold faced evil lies that effected my life. I’m glad she’s out of my life now and it wasn’t easy at first, but the damage she’s done to my reputation is the most difficult part to repair. They are truly evil, destructive, sick individuals. STAY AWAY.

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Tracey says October 29, 2020

Excellent piece. I was with one for nearly 3 years and it still affects me today 15 years later . Even though I’m happily married now .

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rosa says October 28, 2020

Great description and great advice! Well written ,too.

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Sonya Dunham says October 22, 2020

This article was right on point!!!

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jane do-re-mi says October 19, 2020

Yes, ‘lack of acknowledgment’ is a big one as not only does it make them feel snubbed by the person they thought was their biggest fan, but more importantly, because it frees you up to put the focus back on you, where it belongs.

Even if you feel like you’ll die of a broken heart if you don’t get a fix of them (I get it, I’ve been there and two years later I still struggle), I beg you to not contact them. Take it minute by minute. Make a cup of coffee. Walk around your home. Brush your teeth. Pet the dog. Stare out of the window at the traffic. Do anything to distract yourself from picking up that phone or answering the door.

You have to treat No Contact like your very life depends on it, because it does.

Mine actually started his smear campaign to his family and friends DURING the love-bombing phase and I knew it back then and I still stuck with his sorry a** for years. I beg you to look after your own heart, because he sure as hell won’t.

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Christine says October 19, 2020

Came across 2 Narcs in my life so far. Pulled them aside and told them I would kill them. They are into self preservation firstly, and made them think that they might have run into a psychopath who won t put up with their nonsense, gaslighting, lies , gossip and minions. Worked both times.

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Jose Castro says October 17, 2020

I think i was with a narrastic and meth drug user but i am slowly getting better everyday

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Cyndi says October 14, 2020

I am in a relationship now for 3 years just like this. I’ve been reading in narcissistic behavior for at least a year. There has been so much broken promises and lies and disrespect to name a few. I gave up my career and moved far away from my family believing in all the good in him . Nothing has changed as far as what he said was going to happen with us. He travels for work , so I am here with him, but it so happens that it’s near where I use to work. I have now accepted my position back and should start soon. As far as he knows it’s only temporary , but I’m not leaving my career or family again. That was my first step. Now once I have enough funds, I’ll be able to get my own place.
I’ve used my entire savings for a future with this person and all he’s done is take away my home , by not adding my name . I’ve lost that, but in time I feel my mental state is important. I’m happy I read this this morning.
Going to make it happen step by step.

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    Kim Saeed says October 14, 2020

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad to know you are determined to reclaim your life. Wishing you all the best as you move forward and heal.

    Kim Xo

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Jessica says October 12, 2020

Hi,
My name is jessica and i just wanted to say wow.
Just thjs evenjng like not even 10 minutes ago, i just parted ways with my recent ex. He has been trying to seek me out and hook back up, and i keep flirting with thr notion becausd Obveosly its harder than hell.
I seperated from him 5 days ago and today was the second day we visited , just talking, but long story shorter, i came in to look somethjng up on my phone and this article popped up. So out od curiousity i clicked to read it and WHAM! It hit me. If ever there was a sign….this article was perfect, drawn up beautifully, and thorough. I appreciated and could directly relate to every perspective on our so called loved ones.
I have had a couple other hauntinh narcissistic relationships with other people and I’ve spent provably 10 years trying to learn how to live without them. Its like being a prisoner on a tropical island. The land is magical ans there is everything you need there but you can’t just get off and you can’t swim to shore. But i keep trying and today i almost ate the fruit again but i asksd him to just go and fibbed about meeting up with him later just to create the gap. After reading this feel defeated in a sence because that inner part of me that was hoping to see him again and touch him again doest get what it wants this time because everytime she does it never goes well and i end suffering worse and the break up gets real messy.
I may not always be solid enough in my self to say that i will obstain 100% but i can This, i will do much better with this information to remind me of just what I’m dealing with. Its so easy to forget.
Thanks again,
Happy and safe travels on the path of true freedom and self discovery.
— Jessica

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Louise says October 6, 2020

Don’t tell him. I am just seven months after leaving my narcissistic husband. It was very scary and I was frightened for my life. After 20 years of marriage this was the hardest thing to do , but I did it and I can truly say it is the best thing I could have her done. I feel completely liberated! Just set up everything up new in your own name. Don’t try swapping things over. Start afresh and cancel the other things when you have moved out! Be brave and conquer your fears! You will feel like your old you again! Go for it x.

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    Navi says November 8, 2020

    This made my morning, thank you for this article and the courage to keep moving forward. Thank you Louise also for your truth, I also was married for 20 years and scared for my life when I left 7 months ago. I called a friend and she helped me & my daughter get into a battered women’s shelter , and file the order of protection . My daughter and myself are in therapy and by God’s hand we are beginning to heal one day at
    a time we are healing. I feel grateful to have read this article.

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Matilda says October 6, 2020

Thank you it has really opened my eyes.

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April says September 30, 2020

Hello, I’m pretty sure I’m married to a narcissist. I’m trying to get out and everything I read says to make a complete clean sudden break. I have another apartment set up, signed the lease I just can’t switch the electricity over because he will see the new address when he pays the current bill. I’m also confused because I feel like I should warn him? Not sure how to even start a conversation like that 🙁

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    Kim Saeed says October 6, 2020

    Hi April,

    Have you spoken to anyone at the electric company to see if they could set up a new account for you that won’t show your old and new addresses together?

    Big congrats on setting everything up for your freedom, by the way!!

    Kim

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Nad D. says September 30, 2020

It’s been two days now that I left him…I feel so broken and so wrong 🙁 My brain totally knows I did the right thing but I feel that my body is in a withdraw state…it’s so weird. But I know it’ll pass.
One point that made me really realize how deep he was getting “control of me”….I would stand my ground and point out his gaslighting ways to try to get me off my factual talking (being up in my face screaming and spiting) and I would find myself so full of rage (something I don’t have naturally in me) thatt I would push him….and after that in every argument he would say “well, at least i’m not the violent one, I don’t oush and shove…I just speak loudly like normal people”…and I felt so ashamed about pushing him…I just shut me up…everytime…for months.
I can’t or don’t want to talk about it with my family and friends….this felt like a safe place…so thank you…this felt good to just get it out of my head a little 💗

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Sheryl Roxas says September 27, 2020

Your article, How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Hate; is by far the realest facts I have ever read in my 40 years of existence. HANDS DOWN! I am beyond grateful of articles like yours as people like me really needed a lot of reminders that being with an extremely toxic person isn’t living at all. That nothing in this world could or should ever make someone feel worthless. I cannot thank you enough as your article hit me real hard on the dot. Life’s too precious to be anything but angry, hateful, sad & bitter. Thanks so much & I look forward on reading more articles from you. You are simply awesome!

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Anom 709 says September 27, 2020

I am still saving myself for this narcissistic ex for over three years. We were together for three years. He was the only man that I ever loved. In the beginning he chased me for three months. I had no interest in him. Then I gave him a chance. I fell for him hard and fast. I lost friends over him. He was telling them I was talking about them. I wasn’t. I was giving him money regularly. I loved his children as my own children. We were the perfect blended family. Not living together. He slowly chipped away at my soul. I no longer know who I was prior to him. I constantly ask what I did wrong to destroy the relationship. He says I pushed him away and told him to go find someone else. I know that I didn’t. He was looking for his next victim, my acquaintance. She moved in with him within two weeks. That lasted three months. They spread such rumours about my mental health that I moved out of town for a while. As soon as she left, back he came. I believed him. Cycle started again. Another women, wealthy older widow. I was thrown to the garbage. Thank goodness I always kept my home. Every argument they had he called me. I would listen. When I felt desperate or hurting or like something was to good to be true for me I would contact him because I could count on him to belittle me and but me down. Because I was convinced by him that I would never have anyone as good as him, or deserving of anything good. He is no longer in that relationship. He was going to help me do some repairs on my house. I would pay him of course, two days prior, he said he couldn’t, he has a new girlfriend. He has the materials I paid for. I am trying to get him to drop them off. He won’t. He still controls me. I allow him to control me. I am 52 years old. Divorced over 10 years. Just finished chemotherapy for ovarian cancer. Always was considered beautiful. Self sufficient financially. Never dated anyone but him after my divorce. Only him. Yet I can’t let go. It is almost like he senses when I do, no matter where I am and he fishes me back in and I fall deeper for him. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I have had counseling, spoke to my pastor. Prayed to Jesus to help me break the chains. I actually feel like I am going crazy.

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Ivonne Abreu says September 26, 2020

My ex fits every single one of these. Luckily, I’ve been out of that relationship for 7 years and am better and stronger. Thank you for this information. It helps so much with healing for me.

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Kricket says September 26, 2020

It’s sad to say that I have dated several
Men who are narcissist and my dad is a paranoid schizophrenic and one as well, I truly believe I’ve learned to accept this behavior as normal but I’m trying now to leave one I’ve been with for 6 years. I’m also bipolar and it’s been so hard and very emotional for me. I feelike I don’t have the strength but somethings got to give. I deserve better

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Mary Anne says September 26, 2020

In my experience a narcissist feeds on negative attention because they can play the victim. So positive OR negative attention feeds their ego. It can also set the table with this behavior for making the other person out to be the crazy one. This is why I believe gray rock is not pointless and is very effective because it deprives the narcissist of your emotional response and, in fact, any response at all.

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    Kim Saeed says September 28, 2020

    Hi Mary Anne…thank you for commenting. In theory, Gray Rock should work, but in reality, No Contact should be used in all cases unless one shares a child with the narcissistic individual. Folks who use Gray Rock are often easily sucked right back into the toxic relationship because they are still traumatized. Gray Rock tells the narcissist they still have access to you, which doesn’t really affect them in any way. No Contact, on the other hand, tells them very clearly that they’re not part of your life anymore, nor are they allowed to access you whenever they want to.

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Claire Beckett says September 23, 2020

My father is a narcissist and l am 43. I dont live at home but visit him and my Mum regularly. Its my Mum l feel for as l can leave the house but l have to leave her there 😔

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linda says September 21, 2020

l am happy to have come across this list today. I was shocked when my best friends daughter cut off all contact with her mother. When I reached out to her, she talked about abuse and her mom being a narcissist. After reading the description in a psychology journal a. lot of things made sense to me for the first time. I have known my friend for 40 years and chose to ignore the negativity.

We have had a few conflicts that resulted in her giving me the silent treatment for months at at time. Both were because I defended my own daughter from her criticism. She never directly put me down, she instead expressed “concerns” about people in my life. She meddled and gossiped and I was blind to it.
She is very angry with me now but puts on a sweet face. She has stopped talking to or contacting me photos that I took of us on a road trip together have been removed from my Facebook account.

She has been called out on her behavior. I am so sorry that I didn’t figure out how her daughter was abused. I should have called child protection. There is no making up this “fight” she created. I am done.

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Ashley says September 17, 2020

Dearest Anon, you are NOT alone! Your ENTIRE comment is written as if I had posted it myself! In fact, I have said these exact words to his friend in hope that he would understand what I’m saying – heaven forbid anyone reads anymore, so forget sharing an article that CLEARLY defines this person and answers SO MANY questions! Yeah, narcissism is a mental/personality disorder but it seems as though their significant others are corrupted into becoming all the same type of victims with the same type of mental anguish! The cherry on top? I fell HARD for this person! Of all people, WHY?! How could I be SO clueless?! Now my poor baby has a broken home and she’s not even three years old…. my heart is destroyed.. everything that makes me ME is a forgotten memory. He stole everything from me and STILL blames me because “I did it to myself…”

I am completely broken.. am i even still a person?

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    G says September 21, 2020

    You are a person do not even think you are not. These people steal everything you can give them and place all the blame on others. You are so smart to get out. I grew up with a dad like this and the verbal and mental abuse you are saving your child form will be worth the heartbreak right now. You are amazing and do not let any self absorbed person take that from you. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT

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SG says September 15, 2020

How scary is it when you know they would prefer to be widowed than divorced. It looks so much better to their next victum.

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Kate says September 9, 2020

These are excellent and very on target! It’s great when you give examples of behavior that so many people tolerate and overlook. They never change never ever ever. They do the same thing with every person they are involved with.
It’s a mental illness and personality disorder that’s why they’re all the same it’s a brain issue that is not fixable. Don’t waste your life thinking they will change because they will not

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sharon small says September 8, 2020

Really awesome wow

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Anonymous girl says September 2, 2020

I really need advice! I divorced my ex narc husband and have a child with him. There is tremendous amount of post divorce abuse and him withholding finances / neglecting child etc. He lives overseas and I am in the states. His family tries to reach out from time to time to speak to my child who is still a toddler – knowing they are toxic and I have no legal barring why should I allow his toxic family to speak to my young child? Or should I for the bigger picture? Please can you advise?

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    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Anon girl,

    As you said, there are no legal obligations, so the best course of action would be to protect your child from this toxic family. There is no “bigger picture” where narcissistic dynamics are concerned. This is one of those scenarios I talk about where we were programmed to believe we are obligated to keep people in our lives, whether or not it’s healthy to do so. The more you can protect your child from these people, the better off you and your child will be.

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Beverly says September 2, 2020

Oh, I am so glad I found this website. Most of the time I feel like I am crazy…but HE’S the crazy one-oh, yea, I’m crazy for listening to his nonsense-you got me there. But, now I know I’m not the only one! Thanx. Bev

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Sharon Magennis says August 28, 2020

My Narcicistic ex lives 5 doors away from me now with a new victim. I have to see him most days and I’m sure he’s done this on purpose. He’s on and off with her breaking up getting back together . I just want to warn her and tell her he’s dangerous

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    Kat says September 9, 2020

    Don’t try to warn the new one. They won’t believe you and you’ll end up looking like the crazy person. This is very typical in this situation. Try hard not to- You could get dragged into it and if he’s really dangerous he’ll know it was you and he could decide to deal with you in a negative way… They always win -they have boundless energy for crazy behavior.
    The only way is to delete them 100% from your life

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Anon says August 26, 2020

I am in this situation, have been for the greater part of this marriage. He can do whatever he wants, but when I retaliate the only way I seem to know how, by telling his family about him in the hope that they can help…he turns up the heat and plays victim, as if i cheated, lied, had anger outbursts and all sorts against him.
He always only remembers us when he has no one around him and when he needs a punching bag.Other than that, he is too busy ” putting the family first” with his friends, his alcohol, his business etc etc. When I out him, he feels like i am destroying his character, and worse still NOBODY sees this side of him.
Everything I do for my sanity is seen as a blight against him…
Am I mad, is he really a person with narc tendencies or is it just me…he makes me feel as if i am the narc…
He has removed my power, my self esteem, my ability to breathe, and my ability to achieve, to be my former self…he has instilled fear into me over so long, I dont even know any other emotion

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    Rowan says December 24, 2020

    I’m sorry, but a narcissist will NEVER change. They cannot. Do yourself a kindness and get away from him and get some good therapy. Seriously, that’s the only realist and health choice.

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gracie says August 25, 2020

I ditched the narcissist by getting disgusted and saying to him “you are not an introvert,
you are a narcissist that uses women and I don’t trust you”. what are the chances that this ill schmuck will try to contact me. I am committed to remain happy!!!

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Ann says August 25, 2020

The 10 Narc Manipulation Tactics are SO RIGHT ON!!!
I’ve experienced them all.
So predictable, wow. Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad to be free of my toxic relationship.

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Akanksha says August 19, 2020

My husband is having Narcissistic personality disorder,help me so that I will live my life peacefully

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    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Akansha,

    I am sorry for your situation. I wish I had better news, but there is no way to make things work with a narcissist that isn’t incredibly painful. We can’t change narcissistic people and we can’t stop them from being abusive. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our own behaviors. Usually, the best way to stop the abuse is to leave the marriage altogether.

    Kim

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      Rimjhim says January 10, 2021

      Being an indian is toughest thing to divorce a narc. I am in a trap want to leave but cannot. He, His father and mother all are flying monkeys and narc. I have a 3 yr old daughter and a 2 month old son. Recently, came to know he is narc.Want to get rid of him and his family completely. They haunt like a ghost in my brain.But my parents are not supportive. I am in toronto and pr is in process. I am house wife. And he has snatched all my self esteem, self confidence, insults me in public, never said sorry, build up stories against me. He took my friend away, and planning for the other one. He is so negative and always find negative things in others.He is typical narc. Please help me, i want to smile, laugh and enjoy my life. He has all eaten me. Sometimes i feel i dont know how to smile and laugh.

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        Kim Saeed says April 25, 2022

        Hi Rimjhim,

        I am very sorry for what you are going through. I’ve worked with many Indian clients and the culture makes it almost impossible to leave these kinds of relationships. However, if there is any way possible for you to leave and stay with family (even besides your parents), that would be the best route to take. These relationships don’t improve and, in the meantime, your well-being will continue to take a hit.

        Sending best wishes,

        Kim

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Lisa says August 18, 2020

I’m terrified to leave. I have animals that I love and it breaks my heart. I can’t leave them.
HELP ME PLEASE

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    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Lisa,

    Can you leave and take the animals with you? Seems that might be a good option.

    Kim

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JD says August 14, 2020

Here’s another:

Innocently ask a question that, if answered truthfully, would reveal a hidden agenda that they put effort into keeping a secret.

I learned the hard way about that one. The conversation went from peaceful to off the meter rage in .10 seconds flat.

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Anonymous says August 14, 2020

Good stuff, thanks

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Anonymous says August 14, 2020

Narcissist relationships are hell. How does a person become so hateful.

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Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Such encouragement at the end of the article! The description of leaving really resonated with me. It was horrible and amazingly crippling internally , but at the same time I was feeling better to be away from daily emotional abuse. And this drew me forward. Somehow I was able to create, in small steps at a time, conditions toward healing. As I put a few consistent healing steps in my life I’ve begun to see how I do need to alter the traits which leave me vulnerable to narcissistic predation and abuse. I now see the need to really respond to my body’s messages and need for eating and sleeping to be able to focus even more on my healing. In the middle of trying to leave the narcissist, it is encouragement to me that my healing is a misery to the person who created the conditions for my physical demise.
Thank you Kim again for such experienced insight, comprehensive information and all the encouragement.

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Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Thank you! Thank you for daring to send such candid information that is helpful in moments of distress. Every article I have read has contained pivotal information that I can’t find so directly from other specialists in this area.
I find every article you send valuable. Thank you for being so generous with the information!
The articles inspire me to send good thoughts and hopes to the so many who struggle in these situations. And you inspire hope in me! Thank you very much for what you do.

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    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    You are such a sweetheart 🙂 Thank you for your kind words regarding my articles. I’m so glad to know they resonate with you.

    Sending hugs!

    Kim

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Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Thank you ! for daring to say this and give us another tool, even if short term.

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Anonymous says August 13, 2020

I dont dont know how to walk away from a nacisist, I feel sorry for him and when he push the button then his soft sides is out.
Just think that i am going backwards and backwards .

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    Anonymous says August 14, 2020

    I feel sorry for mine too.

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      Anonymous says September 1, 2020

      I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. He was my first love. My first kiss. My first everything. He was my one and only. He made me believe we were soulmates and that we would grow old together. After 8 years of escalating emotional, physical, and verbal abuse, I was driven to the point of trying to commit suicide. Fortunately, a friend saved me and I was able to get the psychological help I needed to understand what I was up against.

      He had made me believe that I was paranoid and crazy. He had made me believe that I deserved the abuse. He had made me believe that my heart and soul could only ever belong to him and that no other man would ever want me. He would break down in tears in a way that alwaaays made me feel sorry for him and want to heal his wounds — and he made me believe I was the only one who could heal him.

      Time and time again I kept going back to him — even after my suicide attempt. No one could understand my addiction to him; not even me. I just thought it was “true love”. Only after my suicide attempt did I find out that he always had a fantasy that someone would “love him enough to kill themselves” and had purposely tried to manipulate me to that end. (The night before I tried to commit suicide, he drugged my drink, called in his friends, and had them gang-rape me — knowing that it would drive me over the edge because I had always kept myself only for him. It was such a traumatic experience for me that it took many years for me to even recall the incident. Never, never, never throughout even all of the abuse would I have ever believed him capable of such sadism and horrendous betrayal. But it was his secret fantasy, and he was playing god to see it become reality.) You never know what secret fantasy a narcissist is attempting to realize through you. Be so careful. Learn from my story. And don’t think you are an exception, or that you are invincible, or that the narcissist you know could never possibly be so sadistic. They live in their own world of fantasy. And you don’t know what secrets they harbor. You don’t understand their mind. And you know I’m right even as you read these words.

      The last time I went back to him I trained myself to break the brainwashing cycle. Every time he made me feel self-doubt and self-hate, I mentally turned the blame back onto him. So it was no longer self-doubt, but doubt in him and what he was saying and doing. No longer self-hate, but hatred towards him and how he treated me and made me feel about myself. It was a mental exercise akin to ripping him off a pedestal and smashing him on the floor. I devalued his opinion in my own eyes. Within 2 weeks I walked away without the slightest hesitation. Without a twinge of remorse — for him. My only regret was letting myself be hurt for so long when I had the power all along to save myself. After I left him I went to a friend’s house and sat on the floor in front of a mirror and just looked at myself in the eyes and cried. For the first time in 8 years, my tears were not for him. My tears were for me. In that moment I knew the addiction was broken. I began telling myself all the things I had ever wanted to hear from him. You’re smart. You’re beautiful. You deserve only the best in life. I love you more than anything in all the world. I support you. I believe in you… And the self-healing finally began.

      6 years later I still sometimes struggle with PTSD from the things he did to me. But I am now married to a man who genuinely loves me and reminds me of it every single day. Four years strong, and he never lets me forget how valuable and special and deserving of love I am. My husband turned out to be the light at the end of the tunnel I was always searching for from the narcissist. It’s an amazing and almost other-worldly feeling to be genuinely loved, valued, and supported after experiencing the black hole of narcissistic abuse.

      All of that story just to say… I understand feeling sorry for the narcissist. But right now you’re just living inside of a dark tunnel with no end in sight. At some point, you have to start feeling sorry for yourself too. Self-preservation, darling. You need to change your self-talk when around that narcissist. Every time you start to feel sorry for them, mentally twist that feeling into feeling sorry for yourself instead. Every time you doubt yourself, your sanity, and your value you need to mentally turn it back on them and see them for what they truly are. Doubt THEM. Doubt THEIR sanity. Question THEIR value. Once you take back control over your mind you’ll start to see that you’re the victim that deserves pity. NOT them. Darling, YOU are the victim. YOU are to be pitied. And YOU are the only one who can save yourself and obtain the happiness you’re fighting to earn right now. You have a divine, human right to be happy, to be genuinely loved, and to not feel the way you do right now at their hand. Keep reminding yourself of that. You are being abused. You don’t deserve to be abused. You don’t deserve to be hurt. You don’t deserve to be unhappy. Save yourself. You’re stronger than you know. You’re more valuable than you know. There are people who love you and need you and value you, and they want to help you. Just give them a chance.

      Next time you’re around the narcissist just start saying these affirmations to yourself and the rose-colored glasses will come off, the fog of self-doubt will dissipate, and the monster before you will come into full view and scare you out of your wits — and straight into self-preservation mode.

      Save yourself. Only you have the power to stop being a victim and start being a survivor and thriver. You deserve better. Remember that. Say it to yourself over and over and over. Chant it: I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this…

      There is light at the end of the tunnel… but only you can walk out of that tunnel and into the light. Narcissists thrive in the dark, but you are meant for the light. Keep saying it… I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this…

      The moment the true meaning of those words sink in, the phoenix in you will rise and be empowered to move on to the better things meant for you. You can do it… I believe in you.

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