How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Hate

Sharing is caring
  •  
  • 58.1K
  •  
  •  

You probably spend a great deal of time feeling defeated and frustrated by the narcissist in your life. You see how they treat other people (and yourself), and it’s appalling.  You certainly know what you don’t like in your relationship. But have you ever wondered how to make a narcissist miserable or what makes them afraid or triggered?

Just for the record, trying to make a narcissist miserable might have its place for a short period of time, but I don’t recommend focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably have an effect on your mental health and energy levels.

But, if you need a quick fix, let’s get into the top 12 things all narcissists hate. 

how to make a narcissist miserable
How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

1 – Lack Of Acknowledgment

It’s no secret that most narcissists revel in admiration and validation (except for ‘closet narcissists’). They depend on constant approval to maintain their sense of intrinsic worth. To achieve this goal, they absorb (or steal) the energy of other people to feel good about themselves. 

Do you ever wonder why narcissists don’t seem to mind the negative attention? It’s because negative attention also fuels their narcissistic fire. The negativity is still attention, and any form of attention gives them the incentive to keep going. It gives them the motivation to keep proving themselves. 

In fact, they often like negative attention better because if you’re still bothered by their relationship crimes, they can exploit this in order to deepen the trauma bond and keep you hooked and entangled!

Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is a real threat. To a narcissist, indifference is even more of an issue than hatred. They’d rather you have a negative opinion than have no opinion at all.

Narcissists can’t stand when no one is paying attention to them. They don’t know how to feel important or special if they aren’t the center of the universe or consuming someone’s thoughts.  This is also why the traditional Grey Rock method is often pointless and why complete avoidance is the best route (or extreme modified contact if you share children with them).

2 – When People Speak Factually 

Have you ever paid close attention to how a narcissist speaks? They use excessive, long-winded language charged with grandiose emotion. They skew reality to meet their worldview, and they believe their truth is always the truth.

Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, they’ve spent their entire lives observing the emotional language of other people and using it to their advantage.  So, when you speak in facts instead of using emotion, they intuitively understand they have less of an upper hand.

Therefore, they hate when someone challenges them with facts instead of emotion. They will usually retaliate with more arguing or hysteria. This childish response simply shows that they feel out-of-control. They attempt to elevate the conversation’s intensity by throwing an emotional temper tantrum.

If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist’s immaturity. Their inability to absorb facts demonstrates their incompetence in approaching most adult interactions. They are not skilled in the language of facts because they are always lying and hiding things, so speaking factually throws them completely off-balance. 


3 – Authority

Narcissists detest authority. That’s because they resent having to answer to anybody but themselves. Any sense of authority threatens their inherent desires for power and control.

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to have issues at work, school, or with the law. Has the narcissist in your life had multiple jobs? Are they frequently getting reprimanded for their behavior?

While narcissists can be intelligent, they often come across as combative and unfit in professional environments. If confronted by their inappropriate behavior, they tend to deny or rationalize their part. 

Of course, it’s no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists. Supervisors find them unruly and unreasonable. They can’t understand why the person can’t follow basic directions without such volatile reactions.

4 – Being Told No

Of all things a narcissist hates, being told no (and actually following through with it) tops the list. Narcissists are used to manipulating and weaseling their way into getting what they want. 

Often, they’ll pull all the stops to accomplish this task. They’ve spent their whole lives charming people to meet their needs. They never stop to think about how your feelings impact the dynamic. 

That’s why telling them no- and being adamant on your stance- often causes such an angry reaction. A narcissist isn’t just upset about the denial- they’re downright confused by it! 

Narcissists can’t actually fathom why someone would refuse them. Because they lack real empathy, they can’t understand what must be going on in your mind. Moreover, even if they try to comprehend it, they refuse to accept this reality.


5 – Implementing Consequences

Have you ever tried to set a boundary with a narcissist? How well did it go? Most likely, you tried to implement a limit, and they reacted in one of three ways:

  • Dismissing you altogether and gaslighting your feelings
  • Acknowledging their mistake, promising to change, and then doing nothing to change
  • Reacting with intense rage, threats, or even physical violence 

Narcissists can’t accept any real consequences. They can’t see when they’re wrong, and they can’t understand how someone would ever think they’re wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, they simply wouldn’t care.  As a result, they tend to react disproportionately to boundaries and serious conversations as a means to intimidate you and force you into compliance.

Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists. Because they want to avoid a potential conflict, they surrender and dismiss their feelings. How many times have you avoided setting a real boundary because that’s just how they are?

6 – Losing At Anything

Have you ever observed young children playing a board game? If so, you probably witnessed plenty of cheating behaviors and dramatic reactions to losing. It’s acceptable when the players are three years old, but what happens when you’re referring to full-fledged adults? 

Narcissists can resemble toddlers, in that they tend to be extremely sore losers. They struggle to accept losing, and they also tend to lash out when it happens. A few scenarios may occur:

  • They repeatedly proclaim the person in charge (boss/referee) was incompetent
  • They attempt to defame or humiliate the winner
  • They pretend they didn’t care about winning
  • They insist that they “let the other person” take the spotlight
  • They refuse to accept that they lost and awkwardly act as if they’re the actual winner (you may have experienced this by hearing, after you’ve left them, that they’ve told everyone they’re the one who left you!)

7 – Public Humiliation

Because they are sore losers, narcissists can’t handle real or perceived public humiliation. They just can’t tolerate the threat of failure. To them, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat.

We all know that narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. When they believe someone is making fun of them or if they’re not the perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts their existence. As a result, they’ll do anything to protect their fragile ego. Some common responses include:

  • Making violent or emotionally-charged threats
  • Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on them
  • Screaming or yelling
  • Walking away with obvious anger
  • Laughing it off in public only to lash out later on loved ones later 
  • Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert

8 – Expectations of Commitment

Most narcissists are terrible with commitment. Although they believe they deserve all senses of loyalty, they don’t usually provide it themselves. As a result, when they get into relationships, they don’t consider other people’s needs. They’re only accounting for their own emotions, impulses, and desires.

Unfortunately, many adoring partners hold onto wistful hope about their narcissist changing. They listen to how the narcissist praises and adores them. They hold onto fleeting promises that this time will be different.

Yet the narcissist makes all the rules. They decide what they want to do, and they do it when they want to do it. Therefore, they can break and change the rules in ways that suit them. 

9 – Vulnerability And Emotional Expression 

Narcissists often use cognitive empathy to feign interest in other people’s emotions. Real, emotional empathy means putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We take on the feelings and experiences of the other person.

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, is far more insidious and manipulative. Think about the money-hungry salesman who preys on your ambivalence about buying a new car. Think about the general contractor who convinces you that you need to upgrade your appliances.

Cognitive empathy means tapping into someone’s deep emotions and feelings. This tactic requires having an initial connection. Narcissists use cognitive empathy to “gain entry” into your vulnerability. They establish this sense of trust and rapport using false kindness and compassion.

At the same time, they loathe vulnerability and emotional expression. They perceive it as a sign of weakness. Therefore, they use it to take advantage of you when your defenses are down.


10 – 99% Of Other People
 

How many friends does your narcissist have? Probably very few. Usually, their only friends are other people who validate their narcissism. 

Subsequently, how often do you hear your narcissist complain about other people? More times than you can count, probably! That’s because a single wrongdoing often results in lifetime resentment. One mistake tarnishes an entire reputation. 

Narcissists struggle to get along with anyone who doesn’t fit into their falsified worldview. They can’t stand to be challenged. They can’t tolerate the ideas that other people may know more than them. 

If they’re a cerebral narcissist, they are convinced that they are unique and should only associate with other special or high-status individuals. In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts their sense of god-like stature, you can bet that their reaction will be explosive and malicious.

Therefore, narcissists can’t tolerate people who actually live in reality. That’s why you rarely see people with strong boundaries tolerating narcissists for very long. They recognize that the narcissist can’t provide mutual respect, connection, or love.

11 – Your Own Clarity

Above anything, the narcissist hates the idea that you might remember life before you met them. This concern is their greatest fear, and they’ll engage in many manipulative tactics to prevent it from manifesting.

Narcissists use love-bombing to keep you captured and intrigued. They’ll win you over with their charm and wit and cognitive empathy. They’ll make you feel special in ways you’ve never felt before (all through the use of cognitive empathy, of course).

But the narcissist never wants you to think for yourself. If you start doing that, they’ll react. They’ll attempt to break you down and sabotage you. They’ll make you doubt your capabilities and question your motives.

Their goal is to reprogram your mind- and they’ll do whatever they can to maintain their preferred status quo.

12 – When You Change The Status Quo 

Narcissists hate change when it’s out of their control. But when you stay with a narcissist, you remain in a defeating pattern full of resentment and frustration.

You deserve better than riding on their crazy train. You deserve freedom. When you choose yourself, you choose to remove yourself from this abuse. You choose to live your life without needing to walk on eggshells every day.  You deserve to focus on your healing once you understand how to make a narcissist miserable.

If you are trying to leave a toxic relationship, my testament to you is that as horrible and crippling as it feels in the beginning to leave, there is an end to it.  The body and mind have enormous wisdom.  They know how to heal themselves if you create the conditions in which they can do so.  Give them that opportunity by working on yourself – healing your wounds and altering those of your traits that left you vulnerable to narcissistic abuse.

There are so many people just like you who have taken a stand against their abusers.  They’ve gotten a taste of the good life–and that taste of freedom is too sweet to turn back to the lives they had before.

If you’re ready to take control of your life, download the free Beginner’s Healing Roadmap. You’ll get a 14-day series of emails with emotional support and encouragement and a list of 16 empowering beliefs to live by. Plus, you get complimentary seating to the masterclass, 7 Proven Steps to Break the Narcissistic Spell.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and it’s okay to admit you need help. If you’re ready to go deeper now, check out the #1 therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery. Thousands of people have benefited from this program that’s practical, proven, and reliable.  It’s the best place to begin a journey toward renewed self-worth and an end to feeling worthless.


Sharing is caring
  •  
  • 58.1K
  •  
  •  

Leave a Comment:

217 comments
Karen says October 16, 2021

Sadly I learnt to tolerate as a child . Put up and shut up. Put a smile on your face and feel sorry for badly behaved people. My mum taught me this because this was my mum to my father no self esteem. Our son always stuck up for himself did so well at school so when his new relationship involved a narc I just saw my mum I was heartbroken. My husband and I argue but always equal usually about parking little things normal life married nearly forty years love each other. Marriage is not easy at times we all know but sons partner came from a family that had an alcoholic father who collection weird war things. Our son feel in love with her and he looks so withdrawn.

Reply
Karen says October 16, 2021

I find this so hard to understand! The narc involved with our has a “best friend” . The best friend has a busy life but sons partner had no job stayed at home did nothing but her hobbies all day at 25 years old our son worked 12 hour shifts. Any way one day sons partner explained that her best friend said she need space busy life and couldn’t deal with constant texting. To my horror our sons partner then said that her best friend had sex in ditches and that her best friends uncle abused her all in an angry toon and said her best friend was sulky and wasn’t taking text. That was our first glimpse of how bad sons partner is so nasty. She is now back with said friend and using her again for all her needs because she had dumped her family and now us our sons family. How bad are these people it is so hard to understand. I feel bad for myself for this but I have a false name and have kept identity out but I feel it may help people to understand that these narcistic people use and abuse when they don’t get their own way.

Reply
    Karen says October 16, 2021

    Dear god can I also state at the time her best friends father was in the last stages of cancer!

    Reply
Nancy says September 22, 2021

Thank You, Soo Very Much for sharing your knowledge dealing with Non- HUMANS.
I greatly appreciate being able to read and learn all I can to help me get THRU THIS NIGHTMARE.
There’s not enough resources for NARSASIAM.

Reply
April says September 12, 2021

I just got out of a 15 year marriage to a narcissist. I am so happy now but it took a minute to get my bearings. The only thing now is we share a daughter and he is abusing her(mentally not physically) worse now because I am not there to take the brunt of it. We have joint custody and ive been nice up to this point. But I am getting to my wits end with it. She is however 14 and wants me to stay out of it because it is only worse for her when I get involved. But she is stressed when she is there. Overly stressed. Any and all feedback greatly appreciated.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 13, 2021

    Hi April,

    I can relate. I have had my youngest son in therapy for years and have also had to go back to court several times to modify the custody arrangement. I finally have an order that is very suitable for me and my son. I document everything and go right back to the courthouse whenever dad acts up. My son’s counselor was a great help this time around.

    Sending hugs,

    Kim

    Reply
Anonymous says September 6, 2021

They hired one at work. If he isn’t gone soon I will leave my job, sad to say. He’s inappropriate. He steals. he is looking for one person to dump on and it won’t be me. Learn to get along? That is what he wants and to look for that person to take his life out on. He’s bad news.

Reply
Sandra Evans says September 2, 2021

This is just what I needed. Only GOD led me to this site. My soon to be Ex-husband is a Narcissist with a capital A__hole!

Reply
Charlie Pickering says August 26, 2021

I just realised I have 3 overt narcissists in my life – my Wife, My mother and my sister in law. All of them reprehensible human beings without an oz of empathy

Reply
Laura says August 23, 2021

Just the information I need! And exactly when I need it! Tomorrow I’m going to pay my attorney for divorce proceedings discreetly. I figured out some of this on my own about my husband and I am already using some points made here. He’s intelligent, but not only am I more intelligent than him, I possess a lifetime of experience with drama and trauma. I’ve got this!! I’m glad I found this to read just before making that important move tomorrow! Thanks!!

Reply
Molefi says August 21, 2021

In every point under discussion I’ve noted a lot out of this animal. In our relationship that is more than ten years, it’s like I’ve been living in ….

Reply
Elizabeth Raney says August 12, 2021

I have broken away from my extreem nscisistic husband…which is a horror story to my life. I have great support now from my community and the authorities.

Reply
Eszter S. Julia says August 10, 2021

Then we have ,,police” , one of the biggest atrocities that Earth has ever seen!
Those creatures have UNLIMITED list of things t,hat they can do to you…..
Also,
they are SOURCE OF LAW!!! That means absolutistic goverments, especially in older age had several people with basically unlimited power.
Now we have THOUSANDS of beasts! Milions are not smart enough, so I will act God!…

Reply
Josh Mergenthaler says August 5, 2021

Great article. I’ve recently noticed things about my girlfriend that don’t add up. Such as sudden loss of and no friends, always being a victim, she always has an answer for everything. I truly feel that she is a pathological liar but know that when confronted, will lie even more. This really gives me a good angle when approaching her.

Reply
jabber6 says July 23, 2021

I truly believe after reading more and more things that I was living a 38-year marriage with a narcissist. I did have serious thoughts of leaving him; we did have counseling, but he never really changed. I stayed because of my strong faith commitment “till death us do part”. Since his death in 2016 I’ve been more aware of his narcissistic personality from my readings. After going to counseling twice; he never did really change but “till death us do part” kept me there. To this day I am happier than I have been over those years and I’m loving everyday of my life more and more. I’m sure there’s other people in my same situation with faith taking control over and above the evil; providing us with strength and encouragement to get through each day. Yes if it weren’t for his health that took his life it could have gone on probably longer.

Reply
Rhonda Brown says July 17, 2021

This was a very good article. I am still trying to understand and confirm whether or not my Husband of 37 years is a Narcissist! Are there varying degrees? Is it possible to just have some narcissistic tendencies? I have some real soul searching to do! The kids are all adults, and I need to determine the path I need to take for my personal happiness! I will continue to read, focus and attempt to sort my life out! Thank you!

Reply
Andrea says July 17, 2021

I am in the process of leaving him. I’m taking my three kids with me. My parents are flying me back home next week. I visited a domestic violence organization today and they confirmed that I’m not crazy and that I’m a victim of abuse. All of these things describe him exactly.. Down to having no friends, can’t hold jobs, hates authority, puts me down and says I’m the crazy one, and he’s gotten physical with me and has full on abused my son. It has been hell. I have been in this for 18 years. He’s told me nobody will want to marry me bc I have kids and men don’t want a woman with kids. He’s made me feel like nothing. He’s made me feel like I have nothing to offer. I am broken. I hope I can pick up the pieces and find myself again and have a happy life.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says July 18, 2021

    I am so glad you are planning your exit and taking your children with you. That’s very brave.

    There may be men who don’t want women with children, but these tend to be men who are extremely emotionally immature and ones you wouldn’t want a relationship with, anyway. I know for a fact that there are mature, compassionate men who admire women with children.

    You can do this, and you can heal. Make sure you get therapy and/or join some healing programs that can help ♡♡♡

    Reply
    Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

    hang in there but also please do not be alone when talk to him good luck

    Reply
John says July 9, 2021

Thanks for the article…it was like reading a playbook on my narc’s behavior. If you guys know of any support groups in Atlanta please let me know. As a child of divorce, I don’t want to put my two kids through the pain of an absent Dad. I have an intense need to stay for their sake.

Thinking about getting a dog to feel a sense of loyalty around here…Crazy times!

Reply
Michael Donnelly says July 2, 2021

I have just come out of a 16year marriage to a narcissist. The last 2 years have bewn horrible. Blatantly having a fairs in front of my eyes. And has got me done twice harassment. We have two children 10 and 8 which I have tried to stay there to be emotionally connected for them. What to do it I cannot stay there and take this off my woman that I thought I loved I do love a woman that I thought loved me. I don’t blame her for what she has put the truth is it’s a horrible disorder.

Reply
Trudy says June 18, 2021

My 22 year old is a Narcissist, she is trying to make me think that I am crazy. I will try some of these things but I an so close to losing my temper, she LOVES to do that to me. I had to get a therapist to help me with ideas. When she starts I just get up and walk away and go to my room and lock my door. It works for me. Sh e really hates when I do it. I an NEVER RIGHT IN HER EYES.

Reply
Mary c says June 16, 2021

Narcissistic know exactly what they do an have no shame doing!

Reply
Kimiora says June 14, 2021

I really need help

Reply
Mrs. Beneteau says June 6, 2021

I am 59 years old and suffered horrible trauma from trying to figure out the Queen of Narcissism who was the grandmother of the little boy I helped my boyfriend care for. I was not prepared for this woman and she ran me over and left me in a heap of road-kill. After a year of grief therapy after the relationship ended with the boyfriend and his little boy (as orchestrated by grandma) I now know better.

I married some years later and my darling husband brought his grown children and grandkids to my life. These are my greatest blessings! However, my husband’s X and the mother of his children is very similar to the horrible and cruel woman I once knew.

It seems this life lesson has come back around and now I am smarter and can be the Step Mom/Nana that this family has craved. The X is a classic, textbook example of Narcissist…and as she gets older her cruelty intensifies.

I have offered the family an opportunity to feel proud of their many wonderful accomplishments and unconditional love and support that they never knew.

After a few years of marriage I have been gladly accepted into this family.

The first time I met the X it was a family wedding. I was pleasant with her all night but let my tone slip once and she will hold onto that for the rest of her life. But it was inevitable so I don’t let it wreck me.

I was recently with her again at a family function but now my place in the hearts of these kids is solid. No one took her bait. The party was a great success and there was no incident as she left early.

My oldest step son takes the worst of his mother’s abuse because she refuses to acknowledge the 2 grandchildren he has with his new wife.

But this article is very clear. I forwarded it to his wife who will share it with him.

Thank you for this very honest article. It gives my stepchildren “permission” to take steps for their own well-being.

Reply
Peter Chernoff says June 4, 2021

I got out of a relationship about 2 1/2 months ago and I started reading up on narsistic behaviors.evrry thing and I dean every thing i read describes my ex girlfriend to a tee
We were on and off for about 8vyears a d I recently found out she was cheating the hole time with people I never new and with my bestfriend and I’m sure my boss .compleatly crushed me and not explanation no sorry just a fk off .

Reply
Robin J Smith says May 27, 2021

The Devil’s Dinner
The Devil set the dinner plate, and each fork and spoon
And because it was their thing, carefully he hung the moon.

He set the table full, with passion gathering no rust —
And counted Cupid as his friend, misplaced arrows piercing lust.

A feast, no not for those who dine, He grins and tells to all who hears
this appetite is mine.

For foolish heart to pine away, old Satan’s favorite meal they say.
Is sorrow dripping from each bite, and tears wash out the moons sweet light?

Don’t laugh at her in her embrace, of love and lust and more —
One day you’ll come to dine and find, those knocking at your door.

As you each each bit of bread, you savor meat and sweet —
You soon discover this dinner is only a devil’s treat!

Yet in hope you eat it all.
Hell, I even ask for seconds and eat it while in I my fall.

When you get an invitation fresh from Cupid’s bow,
be careful what you think of love, take care what you don’t know.

So many times in league with dark that cupids’ arrow flies!
No arrow strike the other love and so in love tells lies.

The Devil cooked from dawn to dusk a feast — no not for those who dine.
He grins and tells to all who hears, this torture is my line.

Can we skip a broken heart
avoid the dinner hell?
Most can’t because they run to “love”, when Satan rings the dinner bell.

Reply
Boni Tidwell says May 23, 2021

I just blocked one that I have helped for 3 years ! But he used for money I am done period

Reply
    Deb Thibeault says June 15, 2021

    I feel for you as my ex narcissist used me for money. I paid for practically everything when we were together.

    Reply
Marie R Ibarra says May 17, 2021

This is so me right now with a man of 5 yrs everything in this is absolutely true and correct I have been dealing with this for at least 4 yrs out of the 5 we’ve been together I need help for real

Reply
Anonymous says May 16, 2021

My divorce was finalized last November. A friend told me I was married to a narcissist when I mentioned what happened in my marriage. My wife discarded me and I am still struggling to this day. Her two boys were the most disrespectful kids I had ever met, with her claiming it was all their real father’s fault they were like that. When I tried to contact her for tax info I needed, I discovered she had blocked me, this after she contacted me one week prior to give me a gift. She then emails me to tell me she blocked me out of respect for her new boyfriend stating she went out on a blind date set up by her friends, and she all of a sudden was blessed with this new love interest. The boys’ real father spent five years trying to ruin her and eventually took his own life. I saw no remorse from either her or her children. She just labels him as being the crazy one.

Reply
Ginnie DeVall says May 10, 2021

MY mother and boyfriend ARE both Pisces Narcissists.I was born an Empath. I feel everyone’s pain to severe that physical touch is painful from most strangers. But from them its like my soul is on fire and burns me out and I am drained completely and want to just get away. So my retreat from them and the world is almost my only safety. From total melt down. They got along at first but now know the other threatens their personal hold on the pipeline to my energy. They are like Vampires to plainly say. But I am ready to make them both pay for the daily pain they cause me. Enough to have the glory of seeing them throw one last tantrum or game. To simply be able to walk away in laughter and in Victory.

Reply
Ruth says May 8, 2021

I have been with a narc for 16 years now, married for 6-1/2. I became disabled 11 years ago and that is when the abuse really started. I saw things here and there and argued with him thinking I could make him change, what a fool I have been!! I was raised by a narcissist, my father, who was all but sexually abusive. This is my 3rd marriage and I have come to realize that I have basically married the sam mean over and over. I am a Type I diabetic, along with several other health problems, and I can’t even afford my medical costs on my own. I don’t qualify for Medicaid so I am completely screwed and he knows it! I cry all the time because I just want out. I nearly ended my life a year ago because I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hate the bastard and wish he would get hit by a bus! They steal so much from you and all I want is for him to get his!! I feel like God is not with me at all, only Satan.

Reply
    Gabi says May 31, 2021

    Ruth, I only saw this comment and I really hope you are better now.
    I’m not religious, but I’m sure God is with you and would not put you through this is He didn’t think you could make it through.
    Take care of you and your health, especially your mental one…and when you feel overwhelmed, please take 3 deep breaths and think about the things you are grateful in your life (it could be small things).
    You are stronger than you think and I’m sending my biggest hug!

    Reply
    Rebecca says June 15, 2021

    I’m so sorry for what you’re going through I wish I could help. Please don’t take this as an offense but I can only pray for you. I wish you the best and you should pray, be sincere with God. I’m sure you’re saying it’s easy for me to say cause I’m not going through it. I have my own issues, long story to tell I may just post it on this website. But please don’t give up and prayer is very powerful. You must control your mind and be selfish and think about yourself, watch your health as in going for walks and eating healthy for your diabetes. Believe me, start your day by going on early walks and get ready for work. Stay positive, God bless you. I hope this helped you. Not everyone’s has a bad heart. Take care.

    Reply
    Pamela says June 15, 2021

    This was me to a T
    Please push on and go no contact. I have realised that it is no my lot in life to marry as I would not trust my judgement(still would like a loving relationship though). I Have again found God after 20 yrs of not being able to fellowship. I couldn’t find him but kept searching only to realise it wasn’t God that moved. Since being by myself I can now live the life I was meant to live. It is not wrong to take care of your self. God will show you the answers when we leave and are able to hear his voice again.

    Reply
    Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

    Hang in there. Put road blocks in his way use what he using on you . You can pretend …be nice just to slow him down they crave adulation I to see no end in sight but I know there is one. What bugs me is how other people don’t see it it’s plain to me but I’ve known a few before. Didn’t count on him being so low an despicable. Say I disrespected him just met him moving in here. N if having no respect for him means disrespect… then yeah absolutely none there. Had to respect 45 year old two year old. What’s dangerous? Someone who thinks they really really smart when in real world very stupid. Oh n expensive when you don’t bow down kneel n kiss his ring. I wonder would that give him such a high he might stroke out … he fatter then pigs we used to rise.

    Reply
Emily says May 3, 2021

I’m dating one now, been 9 years, but when it was brought to my attention, I googled it & he meets EVERY SINGLE POINT
But I wanna be better than him at his own game, 9 years & it’ll be a nasty leave bc IM LEAVING IM TELLING HIM NO

Reply
    Mena says May 5, 2021

    Just leave quietly. Do not tell him anything…it may be too dangerous for you. You should let someone who are closed to you know about your issues and start a strategic plan. Narcissists do come back hoovering the person who leaves them and they will use all the tricks in the bag to get you back in their lives to destroy your mental, physical, and spiritual health. I pray you make it out safely. – Narcissist Survivor

    Reply
    Michelle says June 12, 2021

    Emily forget trying to beat your narcissistic partner…just leave, you can never ever get even or beat a narc ….why prolong the agony 😁

    Reply
Ray says April 30, 2021

I’m dating a narcissist and I don’t know how to get out I’ve only recently come across the word Narcissist never even knew they had a name for these type of people it’s been a week now of me finding out that they are the type of people no1 should be with it’s so sad coz we all deserve to be loved but I can say with a peaceful heart they don’t .

Reply
    Anonymous says May 3, 2021

    I allowed a narcissistic woman toabuse me for 2 years .. The paim and confusion I felt bound me to her in a way I couldn’t understand .. The projections of her own guilt into me , the constant attacks , gas lighting , mirroring the things i said , ghosting me and turning the blame onto me if I reacted or got upset,, it lleft me very broken confused , and deeply desiring her love abd true admiration.. . And it only got worse and worse… I have the true capacity to love and I love her with all my heart and soul , so I believed she truly loved me and my 7 year old son .. No matter how much her actions proved differently I couldn’t accept the fact she didn’t have love in her heart for anyone, for me my son , and even her own children .. She used sex and how it was an expression of my love towards her against me, to keep me bound to her , and for her own sexual fulfillment .. Telling me that her body was all mine and mine hers. I did not know a human being like her existed.Her extreme lack of true self confidence lead her into being extremely jealous .. She spent her entire life sleeping with her friends spouses , boyfriends , and even her oldest daughters boyfriend.. So It only makes sense she would project her own guilt and lies onto me.. I would tell her regularly , I’m not u .. The thing that frightened me the most is she was very unintelligent..But her ways of manipulating me were so calculated and effective , that I dont believe it was her alone that had the knowledge or capacity to manipulate in such a deep and intelligent way.. She drank whiskey , since she was a teenager and she is 52 and her mind and spirit poisoned by it .. And poisoned by her own decisions and sins… I truly believe some kind of demonic force is indwelled in her , empowering her and gaining her tools and ideas to , like a genius manipulate me.. . She is a heavy church goer (scary) but did not care to know or even acknowledge god or his ways whatsoever .b..She went for narcastic supply, 100 percent … Once when she was bold face lieing to me , yet again.. I said to u swear by the holy ghost . She said yes, and it provoked her into a narcissistic rage .. I provoked her demon .. Some people are truly evil , and a narcissistic person in their absolute selfishness and the choice to live life in a false reality through there constant manipulations and lies of it left her truly delusional what is actual reality .. Everyone lies , ut some people are liars … I pray that god has mercy on her soul.. like I said I truly love her , that won’t ever change… That is my reward.. To have love and grace in your heart for someone is never wrong .. but to let them continuously hurt u and your life, so they can feel some sick sense of fulfillment, is.. Dont be a narcissistic person’s puppet any longer, not for a minute .. Love yourself and let your experience better u. Gain wisdom from your experience and know theres nothing wrong with u that they dont truly love u.. Accept that it will or even can happen .. It’s a lie to believe they can … When u find someone who will truly love u because of who they are , u will appreciate them that much more .. All things work for the good of those who love god.. It is not his will for us or our life , to be used and abused by a narcissists evil agenda, sexual amd absolute selfish fulfillment.. Love is patient , it is kind , it does not envy or boast , is not proud , is not rude , is not selfish, is not easily angered , it does not delight in doing evil , its Hope’s all things and endures all things.. A true narcissistic person does not have even I attribute of love.. But every person shows a few signs of narcissism.. But , For whatever reason they are who they are , by choice or circumstances.. But that doesn’t matter .. They still have a choice , and so do we .. so , Choose to leave them with grace in your heart towards them .. Where sin abounds , grace abounds further .. Have grace for them from a far .. So your heart, mind and life , are not corrupted..Thank u for listening , I hope for u the best !!

    Reply
      Jason says May 7, 2021

      I am leaving a woman exactly like that .. it hurts but she hurts me like a demon.. I believe its a possession and sociopathic behavior. She says she loves me but don’t know what it takes to show it.. I’m just her selfish need to feed on .. she loves how I love her but can’t live a natural life .. evil can’t stand good , and I’m good.. I finally left … Thank you Jesus….

      Reply
        Anonymous says June 16, 2021

        I too have been fooled by a narcissist and his selfish and awful ways after 3 years of mental and physical abuse as it just gets worse day by day I decided enough was enough I deserve to be loved I’m a good person and my seven-year-old deserves the world I know it’s hard I’m dying inside I want to die but I know as time moves on I’ll be okay

        Reply
      Bruce says June 16, 2021

      Thanks for your message. … You’re so correct Thank you. …

      Reply
      jenipher lopez says June 17, 2021

      Thank You, your words are comforting and realistic. what you share is so sensible and really hits home to me. God Bless

      Reply
    Stacy says June 19, 2021

    I’ve been in a relationship (if that’s what it’s called) for 9 years. I am trauma bonded, mentally, physically and emotionally broken because of this man. Although everything is my fault naturally. In these years, I’ve read hundreds maybe thousands of articles and books on narcissist behavior trying desperately to find one, just one that doesn’t fit this man. Well I can’t. To face the horrifying truth that I’ve allowed, is sometimes too much to bare. I’ve often thought about suicide, but then he will
    Win and he honestly will not care and will never realize the fault lies on him. It’s very difficult for me to let go because I love him and am still blind when it comes to facing what I call the faces of death. He has done everything narcissists do. Without regret. He has abandoned me, he has emotionally beat me down, he has choked me to unconsciousness 3 times. I am weak and ashamed of myself for losing my power and self worth to him. I am worthless and not a
    Good example
    To my grown girls. Sometimes I find strength and the ability to fight back but essentially it doesn’t do
    Any good, because deep down I know that the love I want him to have for me is never gonna be there and never has. That’s the hardest part for me. I love hard and with my whole body and soul and for someone to take advantage of that makes me sick in my head and my heart. I still think at times I can reach him. How stupid is that?

    Reply
      Anon says July 23, 2021

      Abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault.

      Reply
      Terrence Stroman says August 6, 2021

      Hang inthn you know not to confront so do opposite give what he wants n get away road blocks so you can prepare do not confront alone n doesn’t matter just leave

      Reply
Larry jerve says April 30, 2021

Your arrival hits All of the simpsons of the person I was involved with on the nail

Reply
Agnes Rahuja says April 8, 2021

Been married to a narcissist for 23 years,my divorce was finalized
30th November 2020… although it’s still fresh but I feel so liberated..

Reply
    Kim Saeed says April 15, 2021

    So happy for you, Agnes!

    Kim

    Reply
      Big says April 30, 2021

      Omg, it’s true ! I have just recently realized that my wife is a NARCISSIST! I have always thought that she was just pretty and spoiled. After reading many articles, I’m deeply saddened that it’s true. It all makes sense now. I have also just tried to live with it because I could ever leave her. We have children and have been together for over fourty years. It breaks my heart. GOD HELP ME !

      Reply
    Rebecca says June 15, 2021

    Good for you, blessings it may be hard cause it’s all fresh, pray to God, go to a Christian therapist or counseling to clear your mind. It has to help.

    Reply
Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

After my father died for seven years or more everyday I say I am glad he’s dead.

Reply
Mims says April 3, 2021

Narcissist is word I never used. Now that I understand it, it seems to crop up in every conversation. My mother ruined our family because of her ways. My dad is gone, my sister is gone. The rest of my siblings barely talk. All this because one person controlled our beliefs, our feelings and even reputations. Poor mom. She’s 83 years old and still controlling the status quo. I have hated her but my sister wont let me keep that. One of my brothers goes back and forth between being tired of her to reminding me that she’s old and we might not have her around much longer..boo hoo. I dont know how I really feel. Its like, because of her I have no one, so I only have her! WTF? I do though…my children. People, find someone! Be close to others who share your understanding. Even if its online with strangers is better than alone and angry all the time. You will feel empowered the minute you declare that person has no more control of your feelings or decisions or life. You may worry that they will hurt who you are and damage your reputation but the truth is they already have. What have you got to lose? Love the ones who will accept you for who you are. The rest will suffer from the narcissists ways if they arent already. They will see eventually. But your life is what matters now. Take it back and live it with all the confidence and love you can give. BE FREE!!!!

Reply
Jamie says March 26, 2021

When I happened upon your post about narcissism, it was like the lights were turned on. It fits him to a T. I stopped becoming enraged at everything he said. I ignored him. I filed to evict him, and he said he would vacate my house in 3 more days. I had been trying for six months to get him out. I went ahead with the eviction and it was granted. The judge told him to stay away from my house. He was very angry, but he left. What a relief. He has gone back to his home state. The end of a horrible nightmare.

Reply
    Anonymous says May 3, 2021

    Yes , good for u !! There is no point in loving someone , who chooses not to love anyone.. Love isn’t one sided !! Use your experience to make u stronger and wizer .. Prepare a place in your heart for someone who will truly love .. Each person deserves their rewards for the good in them !! Have grace in your heart for your abuser , from a far .. You are better than their abuse !! Love with all your heart with true mercy !! Then u will be full

    Reply
Lynette Reddy says March 25, 2021

Hi. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 31/2 years. I loved uncondtionally and faithfully. I tolerated and understood. I believed in all the promises and hopes that we will live a happy life together. All I got was everything you described and more. The day I decided that enough was enough and I started enforcing boundaries was the day he decided to cheat on me while still telling me how much he loves and needs me. When he got exposed all he did was show no remorse but blamed me for humiliating him.He left me without a reason prior to me finding out about his affair. I still struggle with the emotional pain since i still love him but i will never take him back. Thank you

Reply
    Carol says April 20, 2021

    Hi lynette , I find it crazy how they have no dignity humiliate themselves then blame others. You then flip and have had enough of their behavior. I feel for you Yes it hurts every day but you start to live life because so many other people support and love you.

    Reply
I Respect Love says March 25, 2021

You will possibly hear some ridiculous lies out of the narcissist, too. I suggest collecting hard evidence of their behaviour (unfortunately this can mean walking around with a bodycam on 24/7 they are so sneaky). Mine triggered me multiple times on purpose (I have CPTSD from the narc abuse and other abuse, yet of course they are the bigger victim). Just so she could point the finger at my shouting (I shout FACTS when triggered, stuff I’ve been gaslighted about for years that I have a right to let out). The sheer manipulative deviousness is beyond belief. Absolutely disgusting and deep inside they know they’re a bad person but denial is king in our family. At this point I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire, frankly. No morals whatsoever, disgusting control freak and pathetic obsession with power, always the men who have to be the bigger man yet pushes Feminism aggressively (which makes sense since Feminism involves a huge victimhood story of all women, and provides a vehicle to hide individual narcissism behind). I was further gaslighted and punished by someone who held responsibility over me, for openly criticising Feminism for this reason, like it was my fault. Of course, this other person is also a narcissist, it turns out. So was my hairdresser. So was my ex, many of them, yet accused me of being so (even though it was them more than me, but they had some logic since I inherited the traits from family). Then there was my ex-friend’s girlfriend who was manipulating him before they even got together, and he wouldn’t listen, the fool. Since I was a threat to her ability to totally control him, I had to go (no love lost!) People are utterly insane to tolerate this. They also scapegoat Trump like he’s the only narc around – or even the worst type (at least he’s overt, and obvious, put it that way). It’s ridiculous to hear them act like they’re any better or aren’t narcs. Pathetic. They’re everywhere. It is scary to test for them these days… Good luck loving people, stay safe.

Reply
    Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

    If they declared hunting season on Narc I would say good they are dead.If I was watching a Narc on fire I would walk away and not boast at their short comings.

    Reply
    Robert Austin says April 5, 2021

    .If I was watching a Narc on fire I would walk away and not boast at their short comings.

    Reply
    Meni says April 26, 2021

    CPTSD (from 23 years with a narc) is spot on. I’m sorry for your experiences. I’m almost done with mine as my divorce trudges along the slow moving halls of justice.

    Reply
Heather Gray says March 20, 2021

I’m ready to be myself again.

Reply
Anonymous says March 20, 2021

Don’t do it.

Consider this… anything you do which takes away from yourself …you gave her the win.

Reply
Larecia m Woods says March 18, 2021

Wow this article was so enlight ing bc I was raised by a narristic my dad and everything in this article is everything my dad put me thru . IAM 51yrs old and I’m still struggling with the abuse and violence that I had to insure growing up with him the worthless feelings, the emptiness, just never feeling good enough,

Reply
Ileana says March 17, 2021

Very good

Reply
Debbie says March 16, 2021

Such a good explanation of them thank you. I’ve gotten away from mine but my kids r still having to deal with this personality unfortunately and articles help me so much..
Thank u
Debbie mother of two teenage girls.

Reply
K says March 13, 2021

I wish I had had this year’s ago… That being said all of these things, all of the heart ache is still there. I would love to be rid of it because I can’t move on with my life even with a car, my own apartment and friends
I still don’t have the confidence to get a job. I’m very well educated I know I can do it and I am so fearful

Reply
Lovelybug says March 13, 2021

My mother is a narcissist and caused me to feel miserable as a child I’m glad now as an adult I’m able to see that she is a narcissist.

Reply
Lydiah says March 13, 2021

I have also come out of a relationship with a narcissist,it has been hell.This article says it all

Reply
Carol says March 12, 2021

This my thoughts on this. A narc will save up situations when they were hurt to fire back at you. A non narc makes mistakes but regrets them and tries to put them right and recognizes this and wants to move on. This me at this moment in time. At the same time I have been told that I have hashimoto disease this effects behavior and I was so sorry for my outburst but within that out burst I confronted the narc with nothing but the truth. That is when you really see their nasty side no empathy what so ever they are the victim.

Reply
Kim says March 12, 2021

My mother, sister and several women at work have tried to take me down with their narcissistic behavior. I have put boundaries between my family. The girl at work is purely jealous I work only for insurance! She’s single black and with child not knowing who the father was. So she harassed me at work to feel better about her. Crazy thing is that she has talked crap about me to the managers!! Sad thing is that I was going to buy her many baby gifts to help her out!

Reply
    Lily says April 7, 2021

    Why do we need to know her race?

    Reply
Thokozile T says March 11, 2021

Thnx for helpful advice about these trouble souls kind of beings, I suffer being ill treated by my colleague narcissists, armed myself with helpful advice and learning to know more about their sick behavior help me tactfully get the strength and wisdom to win her and break free from her abusive behavior, it was difficult for anyone to notice my pain or believe me when trying to explain what was going on,getting more knowledge in any website describe narcissists, It was like I finally saw the light to get out from the black hole I was trapped in for a long time, I became calmer freeing myself from her,I kept strong boundaries between me and her,and I gain my confidence back, and peace of mind, I’m still slowly going through a healing process, because I had a hatred anger abhorrence towards her,now I have found a place in my heart to just forgive her

Reply
danie young says March 10, 2021

Awesome

Reply
Tricia says March 10, 2021

Great article! My ex-husband would repeatedly make this one statement that really summed up his narcissistic behavior. Anytime I didn’t stroke his ego, he always said, “I’m going to make some calls”. This typically meant that he was going to call a divorce lawyer. As years passed and he kept making his infamous threat, I began handing him the yellow pages so he could look up the divorce lawyers. He also loved shouting this insult at me, “Shut your hole”. I’m grateful to have move on from this creep.

Reply
paul Hernandez says March 10, 2021

This is so real I have lived this life for almost 20 years I understand now why my live with my girl has been so hard to be happy Happens is the goal we as humans aim high. TY. P
aul H
.

Reply
Anonymous says March 9, 2021

OMG -reading this article made me think that maybe I am a narcissist, and didn’t realise. I hate being told “no”, I can be a control freak at times, do not react well to criticism, and have few friends. I prefer to be alone.
But some of that may also be Aspergers’s.

Reply
Bobbi Jo Hinton says March 8, 2021

Dear Kim,
After 42yrs of this abuse, I supported us, he stayed home, convinced me it would be best, I divorced him, 6 most ago. He still texts with nasty messages, I just ignore him. He quilted me into doing things that he didn’t want to do. I still feel that I did the right thing, but he still attacks me, I start crying, thinking, maybe I did do the wrong thing.

Reply
Anonymous says March 8, 2021

Thanks for this. I’ve always felt like I was in such a confusing place. Learning about the cycle of abuse helped me see how she lets me cool off then without discussing the latest attacks resume normalcy
Then bam. Again

Reply
pat says March 7, 2021

You all are so very helpful. Everything you’ve posted she tends to do is doing or has done… I’m only in so far for two years I found you by accident and started reading. I have isolated from family I realized this and realized how I was being minimized. And given the cold shoulder naaaai get it it’s not me I’m not the problem it makes it much easier when there is support system like there is here..thank you and to all you can do it….

Reply
Kim says March 7, 2021

I related to every single word in this article. It’s as if you were writing to me about my ex.
Foolishly I went back to him at least 100 times with his empty promises to change.
By the time I finally left, I’d lost myself and the will to live.
I’d continuously get roped in by his manipulative and cunning ways. I was “chasing that high”.
3 years on, I’ve finally woken up.
It was the hardest 3 years of my life to date, but let me assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And when you finally get to that place, you will realise it was all worth it.
Free yourself.

Reply
Anna Marie says March 6, 2021

This article is so true ! Every single word , I have lived . 12 years of hell , ridicule & abuse but 4 years FREE . Still single & learning to love myself again .

Reply
BushraZ Blogs says March 5, 2021

Oh my God, reading this article made me realise that I’m living with a narcissist..

Reply
Ryan says March 2, 2021

Oh dear…

Reply
Anonymous says February 28, 2021

This article is spot on!

Reply
Teresa says February 28, 2021

My adopted daughter’s biological mother is a narcissist and has had enough influence on 2 of her 5 children that all she’s accomplished is spewing hate. I personally have blocked her on every single device, website and platform possible to keep her away from myself and family.

Reply
Anonymous says February 26, 2021

Very informative and helpful. Thanks 😌

Reply
Frank says February 21, 2021

I’ve come out of a relationship with a narsasist

Reply
    Kim Saeed says February 22, 2021

    I feel for you, Frank. I hope you are finding ways to heal and enjoy peace.

    Kim

    Reply
Anonymous says February 21, 2021

They LOVE strong women . It’s a challenge.

Reply
Candy Alexander says February 19, 2021

Thank you for helping me understand what they are doing so I can free myself from the torture.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says February 22, 2021

    You’re welcome, Candy ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

    Reply
Valorie says February 18, 2021

My baby brother conned and scammed everyone from our high school. Later in my 20’s after my divorce I couldn’t change back to my maiden name because of his reputation. Now he’s a bragging show off millionaire salesman. My mother made her golden boy executive of her trust, leaving me and my son out. My father had promised me $200, 000 which this brother swayed my mother to leave to him. He stands to gain $2 million. He brings up often his dislike that my son opened his heart at the eulogy for his love of grandpa. Now he’s out of the will that my dad left. He insisted I moved from my lovely apartment of five years to this condo my mother got after my grandmother died. He promised he’d have my mother put it in my name so I could sell it and buy my own home. Of course it was only so he can call me and tell me to get out in one week unless I do what he wants. I’m on SS disability pushing 70 years old and can’t save to move as he refuses to fix anything so I take out loans for furnace repairs etc. I had plans for my inheritance and this brother and my mother publicly humiliates me that I’m living off my mother and don’t work making me look pathetic. I enjoyed my life I had previously.

Reply
    Martha says March 3, 2021

    I know I’m probably a little late to reply, but I hope you see this message, Valorie. Please, please go talk to a lawyer who specializes in estate law. Just because your brother is executor of the estate does not mean he has free reign to do whatever he wants, cut people out of trusts, etc. He has a legal obligation to handle the estate fairly and in accordance to your father’s wishes. If he fails to do so, he can be removed as executor, fined, and possibly even face charges for fraud, theft, etc. depending on what he’s done.

    Reply
    KATHY Lindberg says April 30, 2021

    I so know the situation you have allowed by biting the hook when you were and are most vulnerable. It is horrible. What will get things flowing again is mentally not giving or reacting to their abuse.

    Reply
kimber says February 18, 2021

After reading this blog, I am convinced that my almost 30 year old daughter is a narcissist. I told her “No” last week as I was unable to stay the night with her due to other commitments. She not only became volatile because of it, but threatnened to basically cut me off. She has given me the silent treatment for almost a week! I contacted her several times. She just gives me a quick response and I haven’t seen my 6 month old granddaughter because of my daughter’s anger towards me and my not giving in to what she wanted. I refuse to allow her to control me any longer. I will set boundaries, even if it means I will have to forego seeing my grandbaby as much as I would like. It’s just too exhausting.

Reply
Nicky says February 16, 2021

I met one in June..l thought we had a great connection..on my Birthday, the attention I’ve got from my friends and student’s texting me throw him off balance and he got way too upset , using Coronavirus as an excuse for his bypass and accusing me widely socializing (only text messages)..he left me..only short text messages now and then..no phone no face to face..no visiting just breadcrumbed and continued on meeting women on date sites for sex and move to next one..lied a lot blames his ex (deceased wife cheated on him) l don’t believe since he is a sex addict..lied and tried to keep me as an option..but l wrote and finished this nonsense for good blocked him..but he was still hosting me.. everything I read here is describing him 68 yrs old Aquarius man on dating sites..

Reply
Sherry Wathen says February 14, 2021

I have known many.🦋

Reply
Anonymous says February 13, 2021

I want to thank everyone who left their stories here. I just suffered another breakdown at the hands of my narcissistic ex almost 2 years after I’ve left and filed divorce. He’s dragged everything out and done everything to try to hurt me. I dream of the day the connection will be fully severed. It is a nightmare that I can’t just get away. Reading your stories breaks my heart, but I don’t feel so alone. I don’t feel crazy like I am driven to feel. It’s validating.
Stay strong everyone!

Reply
    17 years and counting says March 2, 2021

    I would love to start friendships with whoever I can. I have no one to talk to about the hell I live in or any encouragement from my family. I pray for you all. Praise those who have broke free.

    Reply
    Carolyn says March 6, 2021

    Baby, you’re never alone!!

    Reply
wifeofnpd says February 7, 2021

Married 50 years, found out I was married to a narcissist just a few years ago too late. Every. single. thing. mentioned describes my husband to a T. His emotional and psychological abuse has waned considerably during the passage of time, age, and homebody lifestyle, but he put me through hell before that. Now, I am a invaluable comfort to him in our twilight years. Oh, if I had known years ago what I had to learn decades later 😔

Reply
Nancy Pouchie says February 7, 2021

God led me to this site . I left a man after being married 53yrs I was only 17 yrs old

Reply
Vicki Grimes says February 6, 2021

I am 66 years old and have suffered my entire life from a narcissistic father. The only thing that helps me is to stay away from him. That is sad, but I have finally decided to protect myself from him. He has been so hateful and hurtful to me.

Reply
Margaret Fitzgerald says February 4, 2021

Reading this is my Son to a T it’s taken me about 25 yrs or more and worse he getting that with a heavy heart I
Must step back for good before he puts me in an early grave

Reply
    Bekah ❤️ says April 7, 2021

    I’m sorry ❤️

    Reply
Donna Schmidt says February 1, 2021

32 years with my narcissistic husband. Im 55 and realize by time im fixed from all this ill be too tired to date. I haven’t left yet as i am broke having supported himi for years. I had to stop working because of a nervous breakdown. Now i am bipolar2 which mostly depressed. I feel like this article is about my life. Cant believe i let this hapoen to myself. My house is crazy with fighting.im in a different bedroom
to avoid him and his verbal abuse. He just walks on and starts talking. He doesnt care if im on the phone. The older he gets the worse he is..get out/away from him. Life is too short to dral with a

Reply
Lisa says January 30, 2021

I am in love with a narcissist and he dumped me he abused me physically mentally and verbally and he went to jail and he lied in court about me he doesn’t want to see me anymore because he went to prison I’m in love with him I don’t know what to do

Reply
Nekka says January 22, 2021

Trying to figure me out

Reply
L says January 21, 2021

Finally done after 20 years with a narcissist. I’m his 2nd wife too. Only reason we lasted so long is because I’m extremely patient! I made too many excuses for him.
He’d always punish me because his first wife cheated on him. I was very loyal, never even looked at other men. His jealousy (over nothing) would cause him to be immature and give me the silent treatment for days on end. Always making me feel like I did something wrong. All my coworkers told me his behavior was not right and I just made excuses for him. He has destroyed several wedding rings just to try to get a reaction out of me.
I quit reacting.
His adult daughter is also a narcissist, in her eyes she has never done anything wrong, everyone else has. She continuously talks bad about everyone, including all her family members! Everyone is the problem in her eyes. Little does she know that everyone thinks she’s a difficult person and many cousins have removed her off their social media feed because of her fake daily perfect family. She really needs to talk to someone about all her insecurities either with herself or her jealousy of others. So glad to be getting out of it all, my soon to be ex husband’s only ‘adult’ relationship is with his adult co dependent daughter yet he can only deal with her in small doses. She drives him nuts yet they are two peas in a pod.
His circle is very small, his only friends are his immediate family.
I’m sad to give up after 20 years and I feel like I failed our teen daughter (we have one child together) but my daughter deserves better. He has called me explicit names in front of her and continues to insult me. This environment is not good for her or anyone.
Reading this post, I finally realized that indeed he truly is a narcissist. Thank your for writing this article, it’ll help many.
I’m excited and looking forward to cleansing the toxins out of my life and start fresh.

Reply
Nancy L says January 21, 2021

I had a horrible time recovering from a man I loved that was a narcissist. So difficult to deal with the anger inside for falling for his traps. He is continuously engaged and starts other relationships. Now he is on his second marriage. He seems to be sponging off women rather than acting like a man. It’s sad because I genuinely loved him and he is content to be a loser. I hope he finds the help he needs before he ruins another persons life.

Reply
    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    They don’t want to change . They are perfect.

    Reply
Kristina Roberts says January 17, 2021

I been with him for almost 20 years and because of things at this time well are I still here .I have I guess say doing little harmless stuff that he has no idea like letting the air out of 1 tire and he just can’t understand why it keeps going low (he knows his way around cars) so you can imagine how this drives him nuts LOL) this may not be in the books but it sure is funny😆😘🤗

Reply
Connie says January 16, 2021

I have been on the crazy train for 6 years. Lived with him for 2 years and kicked him out. Felt guilty about kicking him out and that is where the other 4 years went. On & off relationship with him… out of my house though. He was cheating on me the very first day he walked into my home and professed his everlasting love to me. That’s why he got kicked out. He blamed me for ruining his life every day after that. I became trauma bonded as they say with his abusive outlandish behavior. He yells at everybody then turns on the nice button to impress who he feels he needs to impress. Flirts with women right in front of me and tells me I’m a very jealous individual. I thought I was going crazy until I read what a narcassist is and it all fell into place. I knew he was nuts but I was so bonded to him that I began questioning my own sanity. I finally changed my number and went no contact. He showed up at my job and asked WHY? He loved me with all his heart. I was sucked back in and 3 weeks later he was doing the disappearing act and blocking my calls. I will never trust this person. I am waisting my life on this LIAR. I’m so tired of him sucking the life out of me. He wants to marry me he says. NO I am smart enough not to do it. He has been divorced 3 times and now I am well aware as to why his marriages ended. He wants a successful woman so he can build her up and knock her down when she doesn’t agree with him. We fought so may times over my son and I really feel he was jealous of my son and wanted all the attention. He would throw childish fits, get out of the car and start walking or scream in a rage when I did not agree with him. Anytime I tried to speak to him in a serious manner concerning the way he acts, he would laugh and smile and gaslight and move on to another subject real quick. He called me a liar all the time and had me listed as LIAR in his phone system. When I called him, LIAR would pop up on his phone. He cusses like a sailor, puts down others continuosly and thinks he knows it all. I have made the decision to block him again and never look back. It’s nice to see other stories and that I’m not the only one going through this hell. I really need to feel sorry for myself instead of this psychotic game playing NARC. I hope and pray this time he will back off. I hope his disappearing act is another woman…good for me but my heart goes out to his next victim.

Reply
    LISA says January 20, 2021

    I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A NARCISSISTIC PERSON FOR 20 YEARS AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING NEVER MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE SORRY.

    Reply
      Anonymous says February 19, 2021

      This was so much knowledge not to have.. Thanks

      Reply
    Anonymous says January 21, 2021

    This is new for me also, but I’m a strong women and I’ve been doing a lot of reading on men with this disease. We are victims. I’ve only been with this demented person for 7 months which I’m so glad that it really doesn’t bother me anymore, now than I understand he’s a narcissist. The only problem I have which to me is we have a lease together for 11 months and I have a disabled mother here but she seems to like him. He’s not abusive, but cheats.
    He is now living in the spare room on a air mattress 🤣.
    I can handle this for 11 months, I look at it this way, he lost out, he has nothing, no one but a room, and air mattress, I won’t let him on my living room furniture or he will get spayed down with Raid. I’m glad that I’m not in love and I did a lot of reading about Narcissist men and I really feel for women who are not strong enough to let go.

    Reply
      Kage says March 19, 2021

      Dude, way to big up yourself while shitting on others; but maybe before pronouncing yourself superior to these women who just “aren’t strong enough to let go”, you should walk a mile in their Manolos, yes? That’s some Big Judgement energy you got going on there, luv.

      Reply
Anna Holladay says January 14, 2021

Very true and extremely helpful

Reply
Sammy says January 12, 2021

I am married to a narcissist who has a pattern of cop caller I recently embarrassed him bad in public he went crazy and sneakily called cops behind my back I never even knew until they where at my door now I have a felony that the state is trying to charge me with I am terrified. This is the 3rd time he has done this making false police reports about me.i investigated and you can be charged with a felony 1 year mandatory sentence and 500$ fine for making false reports domt know what to do this is my husband claims I called cops on myself. REALLY??? I would love feed back .I am just done with this whole thing. He has given me the worst experience of my life cant stop crying….

Reply
    Mel says February 14, 2021

    You’ll find yourself in a mess because the narc sets you up. Best to move on. Detach and kiss em goodbye.

    Reply
    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    Contact legal aid or go to a woman s shelter

    Reply
carol says January 11, 2021

Get out from these relationship whilst you have life left to live. I have had to make the heart breaking decision leaving behind a baby so that the child wont be used in the horrid tangled disgusting behavior of the mother. My heart aches so much but until our son comes to his senses we know that what’s left of our life will be destroyed as well. Our sons partner has cut all them off from both family sides and friends yet cries wolf that know one loves them. I ended up with a break down trying to come to terms with the fact the our beautiful son became her flying monkey we don’t even know him any more he can be so loving the next totally mixed up and aggressive . It just breaks my heart to have watched the demise of what he once was a person turned into a shy slave with no confidence just heartbreaking. These narcs are greedy lazy self centered nasty pieces of work . I still question my sanity every day as to why these people are so nasty and what they get out of making peoples life’s so unhappy, Already she is using my grandchild for emotional blackmail using to hurt our family. I wish you all love and hope one day our son comes back to us and finds real love not fake demoralizing control that these monsters take from peoples souls,

Reply
    Debbie says January 12, 2021

    Carol I know exactly how you feel have got the same problem only he had broken up with her .Then it cries wolf as kids went on a holiday with real Dad,to cut a long story short she had to pick them up &says can we stay with yous for a week or so,ends up weaving her way back with him and conveniently falls pregnant now we’ve back to we’re we started omg l wanna knock some sense into my son & it’s nasty bit gear,lazy beep

    Reply
    Valorie says February 18, 2021

    I raised my granddaughter till she was five as my son works and his wife lived across country with a sugar daddy that she got from doing pornography online. My son saw nothing wrong in this and now she comes back and I am not allowed to see him or my granddaughter again. I have read the messages that she texts him all day long. She has trained him like a slave to come home and do the dishes and take out the trash and not to be with any friends or his mother or she will break his computer or anything he values. You said it correct when you said shy slave. She put him down for being only a manager at a store that he loved and they moved away without him saying good bye. My concern is for my granddaughter that is only treated like her property now. She’s not allowed to have friends and stays in her room reading books even on summer vacations. She has been brainwashed to forget me. My granddaughter and my son are very social creatures and people love being with them. My sons wife admits she’s antisocial and is training them to be like that also. My son has charm and charisma that attract people and I see that his wife has destroyed that. Not even a phone call on Christmas:(:(

    Reply
Jeanette Moremi says January 11, 2021

This information I found me at the edge of my life thank you

Reply
Ludy says January 10, 2021

Kim, you saved my life!
Thank you😊

Reply
Anonymous says January 10, 2021

Kim, you saved my life!
Thank you😊

Reply
Amos says January 9, 2021

I have been through all that

Reply
Alice Slinger says January 6, 2021

I’m living with a narcissist help me to leave

Reply
Famatta says January 4, 2021

I was with a narcissist forc18 years and didn’t realize it. He made me feel worthless. I had to leave him. Reading this article helped me understand his behavior.

Reply
Martin Morse says January 4, 2021

Man this fits the woman i have been with for the last five years perfectly she has me so down on myself all i can think about is ending my life i have’nt had thoughts like that since i was a teen ager im 55 in a couple of months and all the good ive done and accomplishments ive made in my life anything that made me proud to be me has been stripped away shreded stomped on burned to ashes and blown away in the wind as if it never existed. To tell you the truth what i was befor seems like just a dream .day in and day out its like a recording. On a reel to reel when we first got together i made a mistake of looking at her phone because i was getting suspicious that she had other things going on out side of our relationship what i found out ragged me and broke my heart and when she found out i knew that was the day the devil came in to my life i have been in hell eversince ive never delt with this kindnof person without realizing it right away and getting as far away from them for ever but this one she sunk her tallens in deep stuck me in a place that makes it almost imposible to get out. All the times ive tried she’s called friends to help her keep me from taking my things that i came here with even the motorcycle my brother baught me .when i got the title she waited until i was asleep took it and put it in her name now when we fight and i want to leave she uses it against me just one more thing to give her the upper handive caught her and her daughter stealing my things many times. She tells me on a daily how her kid has screwed her over and shes not like that but they go hand in hand her daughter. Is exactly like her and she denys any part of it . the crap goes on and on deeper and deeper to deep. If i say something to my friends or family it gets back to her so i have no one i can trustbthis whole thing is so incredibly unbelievable i can only see one way out

Reply
    myname says January 28, 2021

    I feel for you. I’m there too with a woman been with for years, though not as deep as you, I don’t share anything with her on paper.

    Leave with nothing if you have to, even starting from the bottom you will be so much better off so much sooner.

    I’m still looking for my way out, because I can’t leave where I am, and I fear repercussions.

    Remember who you were before she was in your life, be strong. Be patient. Don’t let them destroy us.

    Reply
    Kristina Daniels says February 21, 2021

    Pack up your stuff and if possible MOVE!

    Reply
Lav says January 4, 2021

Haahahahha public humiliation is the worst thing for them.
But the best you can do when you notice that you have narcis near is ruuuuun !

Reply
Jermena says December 28, 2020

Kim, this is beautiful.
My boss and his wife right now are the devil incarnate. After thoughtful discussion with myself, I decided to walk away. I haven’t gotten another job yet, but am so happy just even thinking about my freedom that awaits me come the end of the month. I took up a stand for myself and decided to remove myself from this abusive and very toxic environment in which i have been working for the past 6 months. You will not believe their explosive reaction in my in-box when i sent them my resignation mail! All a long they had gotten so comfortable with humiliating me and belittling me, calling me useless and not worthy of their company, all while i was giving the best of myself for a smooth flow of work at the company. Because i chose to keep quiet and focus on fulfilling my duties at work, they completely took me for a fool. Now yesterday i dropped the bomb and they were so outraged and hurled all kinds of threats but its just a waste of time. I have already made my decision and there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it. I even found their outburst so funny…. i mean, you cant spend your entire time trying to prove to another person how useless they are, and when they decide to leave you, you all get worked up and try to get them to stay, all in the most pathetic way possible; threats and yelling.
All i can say is, good riddance!

Thank you Kim for your empowering words 🙂

Reply
Nicole Bruce says December 27, 2020

I love your site and videos. I now realize that I’ve been raised by a narc and two of my three serious relationships have been with narcs. Knowing this helps me to make better decisions. Thank you!

Reply
Don says December 27, 2020

Thanks to you. I’m a free man, of six months. It still continued. So I broke off all communication with her. She never new when to stop.

Reply
Jane says December 26, 2020

This article really is spot on. I was in a living nightmare for 8 years but didn’t realise it at the time. Fortunately I got out of an abusive/violent marriage 20 years ago, with my baby daughter and son, and have never looked back. Such a liberating experience – difficult at first – but wonderful to find myself again. My children are doing very well and are well balanced individuals.
Wish I had found this exact article to read a very long time ago! I’m sure it will help others. Thank you.

Reply
Anonymous says December 26, 2020

I’ve been married to one for 20yrs now and have finally found the courage to leave.

Reply
Dionne says December 25, 2020

I was married to one 33years a friend send me this iets like on the spot

Reply
Anonymous says December 24, 2020

Its only now that I become aware about narcissism, And as I read more about it i become afraid that I have narcissistic traits which I know I’m not before,My friends often called me sweet but after sometime when my partner betrayed me I got upset and really upset that I fight with him I was in rage Am I a narcessist?

Reply
Rowan says December 24, 2020

This is SO wonderful, you describe my mother EXACTLY ON ALL POINTS! I did escape her, lived my life (was in a lot of therapy for awhile). Now I’m back living with her, she’s 80 and in the early stages of alzheimer’s so my living with her (no one else is willing to) allows her a last bit of independence…. but DAMN it’s hard to cope, my drinking and smoking are WAY up as well as having now developed blood pressure problems, I think you could guess why that happened. Anyway, LOVE your article, it has really helped, thank you. 🙂

Reply
Robert Austin says December 24, 2020

You did a good job you hit it right on the target.I hate narciss so unbelievable I spit this poison out of my mouth everyday.I see it so clearly I spit out their poison everyday in the healing I am working towards healing.I was scorched earth.I remember far back as 3 yrs old I am now 67 yrs old.I have learn to hate narciss deeply.What a waste of time they are .I wish I was the invisible man and teach them a lesson that they were the ones going crazy come to think of it they are crazy and don’t deserve to live on this planet. I SEE THE TRUTH.Be still ,list, and watch they get consumed by their own fire .Love is love and be in love with love.

Reply
Carrol Welch says December 19, 2020

This is the most truthful reading of a narcissist person I have experienced. Right on point!

Reply
Anonymous says December 19, 2020

This is the most truthful reading of a narcissist person I have experienced. Right on point!

Reply
Susan Brock says December 15, 2020

Never show weakness to him/her. Never show fear or depeat. Never cry in front on him/her.

Reply
Anonymous says December 8, 2020

Am leaving with one narc and don’t know how to deal with him

Reply
Carol says December 5, 2020

Don’t tell him. He will either get furious and threaten you or worse or he’ll put in the chart to lure you back. Either way it will make it harder. Just go!!!

Reply
KrisB says November 28, 2020

After smashing a desk in the driveway happened, (changed the porch furniture triggered this) I went to his physician and explained the “rage was over reacting” and I was concerned, they asked me if I thought anything else. I said, “I am not a psychiatrist, but he exhibits almost every narcissist trait.” The medical assistant who is Jamaican (so is he) stated: “all Jamaican men are narcissist. It’s a misogynist culture after all.”
They called him in a month later, under the guise of “blood work”, and he has since retreated to the basement, and doesn’t say a peep.
He’s turned every family member against me, but honestly, they were not nice to me ever, so it’s actually a blessing in disguise.
My OBGYN and primary care doctors, all have this documented in my chart.
He’s exposed and he knows, professional people are aware.
I was skeptical they would even get involved, now they check on me all the time.
TELL PEOPLE who can report abuse & make him know it,.

Reply
Marcia North says November 22, 2020

I’ve left my narrcisst but still have court to deal with because he claims I hurt him.hope I can get help before I give up.

Reply
    Anonymous says February 19, 2021

    Stay strong

    Reply
Xavier says November 21, 2020

Great list. They also HATE it when they discard us and we ACCEPT the discard. I like this article about accepting discard.

When we accept their discard or silent treatment it shows them they are NOT valuable to get upset over!

Reply
Numa says November 18, 2020

I left my Narc yesterday. I cussed him out and it felt so good because I had never done that before. Its been 3 years and I know that may not seem like a long time to most people, but it was to me. Everyone told me he was a psychopath and a whore but I didn’t believe it. I always want to help those that feel left out, so I thought everyone was bullying him, “I’ll be your friend” was the worst mistake of mine. He proved them all right. Cursing him out felt great because I’m tired of being hurt and punished for wanting to be in love. I deserve better.

Reply
Co-co says November 15, 2020

Oh wow, though I know this, I lost myself with someone like this. Yet, you feel that it is your fault, the forgetting, being exhausted

Reply
Travi says November 13, 2020

I am trying to leave 1st time with my n his dogs whom also get abused. I have no money, no car nothing as his destroyed it all. I am not sure what am going to do but i will not be here anymore. The DV HOTLINE IS USELESS as of tomorrow Nov14, 2020 I maybe homeless in Dallas, County, TX. Pray for me.

Reply
MELANIE Mott says November 12, 2020

All of your comments reflects t both former lovers and my most recent boss. I realize now that the signs were screaming out ar me but I did not get it. I am now aware enough to walk ASAP!!!

Reply
Jays 4 U says November 6, 2020

Nar= NEVER A RESPONSE

You have put your heart into a NAR. Your mission is over. The NAR is quick sand. They suck.

Reply
Deena says October 29, 2020

I’ve been broken up with my Narrasticist for 8 months. The hardest thing I’ve experienced is not the actual break up but the smear campaign she has done and continues to do to me. I’m a public official, and she’s damaged my reputation with lies that effected my career, my family, my co Workers, and even some of my friends. She’s done so much damage in a year that I’m still pricing together her bold faced evil lies that effected my life. I’m glad she’s out of my life now and it wasn’t easy at first, but the damage she’s done to my reputation is the most difficult part to repair. They are truly evil, destructive, sick individuals. STAY AWAY.

Reply
Tracey says October 29, 2020

Excellent piece. I was with one for nearly 3 years and it still affects me today 15 years later . Even though I’m happily married now .

Reply
rosa says October 28, 2020

Great description and great advice! Well written ,too.

Reply
Sonya Dunham says October 22, 2020

This article was right on point!!!

Reply
jane do-re-mi says October 19, 2020

Yes, ‘lack of acknowledgment’ is a big one as not only does it make them feel snubbed by the person they thought was their biggest fan, but more importantly, because it frees you up to put the focus back on you, where it belongs.

Even if you feel like you’ll die of a broken heart if you don’t get a fix of them (I get it, I’ve been there and two years later I still struggle), I beg you to not contact them. Take it minute by minute. Make a cup of coffee. Walk around your home. Brush your teeth. Pet the dog. Stare out of the window at the traffic. Do anything to distract yourself from picking up that phone or answering the door.

You have to treat No Contact like your very life depends on it, because it does.

Mine actually started his smear campaign to his family and friends DURING the love-bombing phase and I knew it back then and I still stuck with his sorry a** for years. I beg you to look after your own heart, because he sure as hell won’t.

Reply
Christine says October 19, 2020

Came across 2 Narcs in my life so far. Pulled them aside and told them I would kill them. They are into self preservation firstly, and made them think that they might have run into a psychopath who won t put up with their nonsense, gaslighting, lies , gossip and minions. Worked both times.

Reply
Jose Castro says October 17, 2020

I think i was with a narrastic and meth drug user but i am slowly getting better everyday

Reply
Cyndi says October 14, 2020

I am in a relationship now for 3 years just like this. I’ve been reading in narcissistic behavior for at least a year. There has been so much broken promises and lies and disrespect to name a few. I gave up my career and moved far away from my family believing in all the good in him . Nothing has changed as far as what he said was going to happen with us. He travels for work , so I am here with him, but it so happens that it’s near where I use to work. I have now accepted my position back and should start soon. As far as he knows it’s only temporary , but I’m not leaving my career or family again. That was my first step. Now once I have enough funds, I’ll be able to get my own place.
I’ve used my entire savings for a future with this person and all he’s done is take away my home , by not adding my name . I’ve lost that, but in time I feel my mental state is important. I’m happy I read this this morning.
Going to make it happen step by step.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says October 14, 2020

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad to know you are determined to reclaim your life. Wishing you all the best as you move forward and heal.

    Kim Xo

    Reply
Jessica says October 12, 2020

Hi,
My name is jessica and i just wanted to say wow.
Just thjs evenjng like not even 10 minutes ago, i just parted ways with my recent ex. He has been trying to seek me out and hook back up, and i keep flirting with thr notion becausd Obveosly its harder than hell.
I seperated from him 5 days ago and today was the second day we visited , just talking, but long story shorter, i came in to look somethjng up on my phone and this article popped up. So out od curiousity i clicked to read it and WHAM! It hit me. If ever there was a sign….this article was perfect, drawn up beautifully, and thorough. I appreciated and could directly relate to every perspective on our so called loved ones.
I have had a couple other hauntinh narcissistic relationships with other people and I’ve spent provably 10 years trying to learn how to live without them. Its like being a prisoner on a tropical island. The land is magical ans there is everything you need there but you can’t just get off and you can’t swim to shore. But i keep trying and today i almost ate the fruit again but i asksd him to just go and fibbed about meeting up with him later just to create the gap. After reading this feel defeated in a sence because that inner part of me that was hoping to see him again and touch him again doest get what it wants this time because everytime she does it never goes well and i end suffering worse and the break up gets real messy.
I may not always be solid enough in my self to say that i will obstain 100% but i can This, i will do much better with this information to remind me of just what I’m dealing with. Its so easy to forget.
Thanks again,
Happy and safe travels on the path of true freedom and self discovery.
— Jessica

Reply
Louise says October 6, 2020

Don’t tell him. I am just seven months after leaving my narcissistic husband. It was very scary and I was frightened for my life. After 20 years of marriage this was the hardest thing to do , but I did it and I can truly say it is the best thing I could have her done. I feel completely liberated! Just set up everything up new in your own name. Don’t try swapping things over. Start afresh and cancel the other things when you have moved out! Be brave and conquer your fears! You will feel like your old you again! Go for it x.

Reply
    Navi says November 8, 2020

    This made my morning, thank you for this article and the courage to keep moving forward. Thank you Louise also for your truth, I also was married for 20 years and scared for my life when I left 7 months ago. I called a friend and she helped me & my daughter get into a battered women’s shelter , and file the order of protection . My daughter and myself are in therapy and by God’s hand we are beginning to heal one day at
    a time we are healing. I feel grateful to have read this article.

    Reply
Matilda says October 6, 2020

Thank you it has really opened my eyes.

Reply
April says September 30, 2020

Hello, I’m pretty sure I’m married to a narcissist. I’m trying to get out and everything I read says to make a complete clean sudden break. I have another apartment set up, signed the lease I just can’t switch the electricity over because he will see the new address when he pays the current bill. I’m also confused because I feel like I should warn him? Not sure how to even start a conversation like that 🙁

Reply
    Kim Saeed says October 6, 2020

    Hi April,

    Have you spoken to anyone at the electric company to see if they could set up a new account for you that won’t show your old and new addresses together?

    Big congrats on setting everything up for your freedom, by the way!!

    Kim

    Reply
Nad D. says September 30, 2020

It’s been two days now that I left him…I feel so broken and so wrong 🙁 My brain totally knows I did the right thing but I feel that my body is in a withdraw state…it’s so weird. But I know it’ll pass.
One point that made me really realize how deep he was getting “control of me”….I would stand my ground and point out his gaslighting ways to try to get me off my factual talking (being up in my face screaming and spiting) and I would find myself so full of rage (something I don’t have naturally in me) thatt I would push him….and after that in every argument he would say “well, at least i’m not the violent one, I don’t oush and shove…I just speak loudly like normal people”…and I felt so ashamed about pushing him…I just shut me up…everytime…for months.
I can’t or don’t want to talk about it with my family and friends….this felt like a safe place…so thank you…this felt good to just get it out of my head a little 💗

Reply
Sheryl Roxas says September 27, 2020

Your article, How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Hate; is by far the realest facts I have ever read in my 40 years of existence. HANDS DOWN! I am beyond grateful of articles like yours as people like me really needed a lot of reminders that being with an extremely toxic person isn’t living at all. That nothing in this world could or should ever make someone feel worthless. I cannot thank you enough as your article hit me real hard on the dot. Life’s too precious to be anything but angry, hateful, sad & bitter. Thanks so much & I look forward on reading more articles from you. You are simply awesome!

Reply
Anom 709 says September 27, 2020

I am still saving myself for this narcissistic ex for over three years. We were together for three years. He was the only man that I ever loved. In the beginning he chased me for three months. I had no interest in him. Then I gave him a chance. I fell for him hard and fast. I lost friends over him. He was telling them I was talking about them. I wasn’t. I was giving him money regularly. I loved his children as my own children. We were the perfect blended family. Not living together. He slowly chipped away at my soul. I no longer know who I was prior to him. I constantly ask what I did wrong to destroy the relationship. He says I pushed him away and told him to go find someone else. I know that I didn’t. He was looking for his next victim, my acquaintance. She moved in with him within two weeks. That lasted three months. They spread such rumours about my mental health that I moved out of town for a while. As soon as she left, back he came. I believed him. Cycle started again. Another women, wealthy older widow. I was thrown to the garbage. Thank goodness I always kept my home. Every argument they had he called me. I would listen. When I felt desperate or hurting or like something was to good to be true for me I would contact him because I could count on him to belittle me and but me down. Because I was convinced by him that I would never have anyone as good as him, or deserving of anything good. He is no longer in that relationship. He was going to help me do some repairs on my house. I would pay him of course, two days prior, he said he couldn’t, he has a new girlfriend. He has the materials I paid for. I am trying to get him to drop them off. He won’t. He still controls me. I allow him to control me. I am 52 years old. Divorced over 10 years. Just finished chemotherapy for ovarian cancer. Always was considered beautiful. Self sufficient financially. Never dated anyone but him after my divorce. Only him. Yet I can’t let go. It is almost like he senses when I do, no matter where I am and he fishes me back in and I fall deeper for him. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I have had counseling, spoke to my pastor. Prayed to Jesus to help me break the chains. I actually feel like I am going crazy.

Reply
Ivonne Abreu says September 26, 2020

My ex fits every single one of these. Luckily, I’ve been out of that relationship for 7 years and am better and stronger. Thank you for this information. It helps so much with healing for me.

Reply
Kricket says September 26, 2020

It’s sad to say that I have dated several
Men who are narcissist and my dad is a paranoid schizophrenic and one as well, I truly believe I’ve learned to accept this behavior as normal but I’m trying now to leave one I’ve been with for 6 years. I’m also bipolar and it’s been so hard and very emotional for me. I feelike I don’t have the strength but somethings got to give. I deserve better

Reply
Mary Anne says September 26, 2020

In my experience a narcissist feeds on negative attention because they can play the victim. So positive OR negative attention feeds their ego. It can also set the table with this behavior for making the other person out to be the crazy one. This is why I believe gray rock is not pointless and is very effective because it deprives the narcissist of your emotional response and, in fact, any response at all.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 28, 2020

    Hi Mary Anne…thank you for commenting. In theory, Gray Rock should work, but in reality, No Contact should be used in all cases unless one shares a child with the narcissistic individual. Folks who use Gray Rock are often easily sucked right back into the toxic relationship because they are still traumatized. Gray Rock tells the narcissist they still have access to you, which doesn’t really affect them in any way. No Contact, on the other hand, tells them very clearly that they’re not part of your life anymore, nor are they allowed to access you whenever they want to.

    Reply
Claire Beckett says September 23, 2020

My father is a narcissist and l am 43. I dont live at home but visit him and my Mum regularly. Its my Mum l feel for as l can leave the house but l have to leave her there 😔

Reply
linda says September 21, 2020

l am happy to have come across this list today. I was shocked when my best friends daughter cut off all contact with her mother. When I reached out to her, she talked about abuse and her mom being a narcissist. After reading the description in a psychology journal a. lot of things made sense to me for the first time. I have known my friend for 40 years and chose to ignore the negativity.

We have had a few conflicts that resulted in her giving me the silent treatment for months at at time. Both were because I defended my own daughter from her criticism. She never directly put me down, she instead expressed “concerns” about people in my life. She meddled and gossiped and I was blind to it.
She is very angry with me now but puts on a sweet face. She has stopped talking to or contacting me photos that I took of us on a road trip together have been removed from my Facebook account.

She has been called out on her behavior. I am so sorry that I didn’t figure out how her daughter was abused. I should have called child protection. There is no making up this “fight” she created. I am done.

Reply
Ashley says September 17, 2020

Dearest Anon, you are NOT alone! Your ENTIRE comment is written as if I had posted it myself! In fact, I have said these exact words to his friend in hope that he would understand what I’m saying – heaven forbid anyone reads anymore, so forget sharing an article that CLEARLY defines this person and answers SO MANY questions! Yeah, narcissism is a mental/personality disorder but it seems as though their significant others are corrupted into becoming all the same type of victims with the same type of mental anguish! The cherry on top? I fell HARD for this person! Of all people, WHY?! How could I be SO clueless?! Now my poor baby has a broken home and she’s not even three years old…. my heart is destroyed.. everything that makes me ME is a forgotten memory. He stole everything from me and STILL blames me because “I did it to myself…”

I am completely broken.. am i even still a person?

Reply
    G says September 21, 2020

    You are a person do not even think you are not. These people steal everything you can give them and place all the blame on others. You are so smart to get out. I grew up with a dad like this and the verbal and mental abuse you are saving your child form will be worth the heartbreak right now. You are amazing and do not let any self absorbed person take that from you. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT

    Reply
SG says September 15, 2020

How scary is it when you know they would prefer to be widowed than divorced. It looks so much better to their next victum.

Reply
Kate says September 9, 2020

These are excellent and very on target! It’s great when you give examples of behavior that so many people tolerate and overlook. They never change never ever ever. They do the same thing with every person they are involved with.
It’s a mental illness and personality disorder that’s why they’re all the same it’s a brain issue that is not fixable. Don’t waste your life thinking they will change because they will not

Reply
sharon small says September 8, 2020

Really awesome wow

Reply
Anonymous girl says September 2, 2020

I really need advice! I divorced my ex narc husband and have a child with him. There is tremendous amount of post divorce abuse and him withholding finances / neglecting child etc. He lives overseas and I am in the states. His family tries to reach out from time to time to speak to my child who is still a toddler – knowing they are toxic and I have no legal barring why should I allow his toxic family to speak to my young child? Or should I for the bigger picture? Please can you advise?

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Anon girl,

    As you said, there are no legal obligations, so the best course of action would be to protect your child from this toxic family. There is no “bigger picture” where narcissistic dynamics are concerned. This is one of those scenarios I talk about where we were programmed to believe we are obligated to keep people in our lives, whether or not it’s healthy to do so. The more you can protect your child from these people, the better off you and your child will be.

    Reply
Beverly says September 2, 2020

Oh, I am so glad I found this website. Most of the time I feel like I am crazy…but HE’S the crazy one-oh, yea, I’m crazy for listening to his nonsense-you got me there. But, now I know I’m not the only one! Thanx. Bev

Reply
Sharon Magennis says August 28, 2020

My Narcicistic ex lives 5 doors away from me now with a new victim. I have to see him most days and I’m sure he’s done this on purpose. He’s on and off with her breaking up getting back together . I just want to warn her and tell her he’s dangerous

Reply
    Kat says September 9, 2020

    Don’t try to warn the new one. They won’t believe you and you’ll end up looking like the crazy person. This is very typical in this situation. Try hard not to- You could get dragged into it and if he’s really dangerous he’ll know it was you and he could decide to deal with you in a negative way… They always win -they have boundless energy for crazy behavior.
    The only way is to delete them 100% from your life

    Reply
Anon says August 26, 2020

I am in this situation, have been for the greater part of this marriage. He can do whatever he wants, but when I retaliate the only way I seem to know how, by telling his family about him in the hope that they can help…he turns up the heat and plays victim, as if i cheated, lied, had anger outbursts and all sorts against him.
He always only remembers us when he has no one around him and when he needs a punching bag.Other than that, he is too busy ” putting the family first” with his friends, his alcohol, his business etc etc. When I out him, he feels like i am destroying his character, and worse still NOBODY sees this side of him.
Everything I do for my sanity is seen as a blight against him…
Am I mad, is he really a person with narc tendencies or is it just me…he makes me feel as if i am the narc…
He has removed my power, my self esteem, my ability to breathe, and my ability to achieve, to be my former self…he has instilled fear into me over so long, I dont even know any other emotion

Reply
    Rowan says December 24, 2020

    I’m sorry, but a narcissist will NEVER change. They cannot. Do yourself a kindness and get away from him and get some good therapy. Seriously, that’s the only realist and health choice.

    Reply
gracie says August 25, 2020

I ditched the narcissist by getting disgusted and saying to him “you are not an introvert,
you are a narcissist that uses women and I don’t trust you”. what are the chances that this ill schmuck will try to contact me. I am committed to remain happy!!!

Reply
Ann says August 25, 2020

The 10 Narc Manipulation Tactics are SO RIGHT ON!!!
I’ve experienced them all.
So predictable, wow. Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad to be free of my toxic relationship.

Reply
Akanksha says August 19, 2020

My husband is having Narcissistic personality disorder,help me so that I will live my life peacefully

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Akansha,

    I am sorry for your situation. I wish I had better news, but there is no way to make things work with a narcissist that isn’t incredibly painful. We can’t change narcissistic people and we can’t stop them from being abusive. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our own behaviors. Usually, the best way to stop the abuse is to leave the marriage altogether.

    Kim

    Reply
Lisa says August 18, 2020

I’m terrified to leave. I have animals that I love and it breaks my heart. I can’t leave them.
HELP ME PLEASE

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    Hi Lisa,

    Can you leave and take the animals with you? Seems that might be a good option.

    Kim

    Reply
JD says August 14, 2020

Here’s another:

Innocently ask a question that, if answered truthfully, would reveal a hidden agenda that they put effort into keeping a secret.

I learned the hard way about that one. The conversation went from peaceful to off the meter rage in .10 seconds flat.

Reply
Anonymous says August 14, 2020

Good stuff, thanks

Reply
Anonymous says August 14, 2020

Narcissist relationships are hell. How does a person become so hateful.

Reply
Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Such encouragement at the end of the article! The description of leaving really resonated with me. It was horrible and amazingly crippling internally , but at the same time I was feeling better to be away from daily emotional abuse. And this drew me forward. Somehow I was able to create, in small steps at a time, conditions toward healing. As I put a few consistent healing steps in my life I’ve begun to see how I do need to alter the traits which leave me vulnerable to narcissistic predation and abuse. I now see the need to really respond to my body’s messages and need for eating and sleeping to be able to focus even more on my healing. In the middle of trying to leave the narcissist, it is encouragement to me that my healing is a misery to the person who created the conditions for my physical demise.
Thank you Kim again for such experienced insight, comprehensive information and all the encouragement.

Reply
Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Thank you! Thank you for daring to send such candid information that is helpful in moments of distress. Every article I have read has contained pivotal information that I can’t find so directly from other specialists in this area.
I find every article you send valuable. Thank you for being so generous with the information!
The articles inspire me to send good thoughts and hopes to the so many who struggle in these situations. And you inspire hope in me! Thank you very much for what you do.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says September 23, 2020

    You are such a sweetheart 🙂 Thank you for your kind words regarding my articles. I’m so glad to know they resonate with you.

    Sending hugs!

    Kim

    Reply
Anonymous says August 13, 2020

Thank you ! for daring to say this and give us another tool, even if short term.

Reply
Anonymous says August 13, 2020

I dont dont know how to walk away from a nacisist, I feel sorry for him and when he push the button then his soft sides is out.
Just think that i am going backwards and backwards .

Reply
    Anonymous says August 14, 2020

    I feel sorry for mine too.

    Reply
      Anonymous says September 1, 2020

      I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. He was my first love. My first kiss. My first everything. He was my one and only. He made me believe we were soulmates and that we would grow old together. After 8 years of escalating emotional, physical, and verbal abuse, I was driven to the point of trying to commit suicide. Fortunately, a friend saved me and I was able to get the psychological help I needed to understand what I was up against.

      He had made me believe that I was paranoid and crazy. He had made me believe that I deserved the abuse. He had made me believe that my heart and soul could only ever belong to him and that no other man would ever want me. He would break down in tears in a way that alwaaays made me feel sorry for him and want to heal his wounds — and he made me believe I was the only one who could heal him.

      Time and time again I kept going back to him — even after my suicide attempt. No one could understand my addiction to him; not even me. I just thought it was “true love”. Only after my suicide attempt did I find out that he always had a fantasy that someone would “love him enough to kill themselves” and had purposely tried to manipulate me to that end. (The night before I tried to commit suicide, he drugged my drink, called in his friends, and had them gang-rape me — knowing that it would drive me over the edge because I had always kept myself only for him. It was such a traumatic experience for me that it took many years for me to even recall the incident. Never, never, never throughout even all of the abuse would I have ever believed him capable of such sadism and horrendous betrayal. But it was his secret fantasy, and he was playing god to see it become reality.) You never know what secret fantasy a narcissist is attempting to realize through you. Be so careful. Learn from my story. And don’t think you are an exception, or that you are invincible, or that the narcissist you know could never possibly be so sadistic. They live in their own world of fantasy. And you don’t know what secrets they harbor. You don’t understand their mind. And you know I’m right even as you read these words.

      The last time I went back to him I trained myself to break the brainwashing cycle. Every time he made me feel self-doubt and self-hate, I mentally turned the blame back onto him. So it was no longer self-doubt, but doubt in him and what he was saying and doing. No longer self-hate, but hatred towards him and how he treated me and made me feel about myself. It was a mental exercise akin to ripping him off a pedestal and smashing him on the floor. I devalued his opinion in my own eyes. Within 2 weeks I walked away without the slightest hesitation. Without a twinge of remorse — for him. My only regret was letting myself be hurt for so long when I had the power all along to save myself. After I left him I went to a friend’s house and sat on the floor in front of a mirror and just looked at myself in the eyes and cried. For the first time in 8 years, my tears were not for him. My tears were for me. In that moment I knew the addiction was broken. I began telling myself all the things I had ever wanted to hear from him. You’re smart. You’re beautiful. You deserve only the best in life. I love you more than anything in all the world. I support you. I believe in you… And the self-healing finally began.

      6 years later I still sometimes struggle with PTSD from the things he did to me. But I am now married to a man who genuinely loves me and reminds me of it every single day. Four years strong, and he never lets me forget how valuable and special and deserving of love I am. My husband turned out to be the light at the end of the tunnel I was always searching for from the narcissist. It’s an amazing and almost other-worldly feeling to be genuinely loved, valued, and supported after experiencing the black hole of narcissistic abuse.

      All of that story just to say… I understand feeling sorry for the narcissist. But right now you’re just living inside of a dark tunnel with no end in sight. At some point, you have to start feeling sorry for yourself too. Self-preservation, darling. You need to change your self-talk when around that narcissist. Every time you start to feel sorry for them, mentally twist that feeling into feeling sorry for yourself instead. Every time you doubt yourself, your sanity, and your value you need to mentally turn it back on them and see them for what they truly are. Doubt THEM. Doubt THEIR sanity. Question THEIR value. Once you take back control over your mind you’ll start to see that you’re the victim that deserves pity. NOT them. Darling, YOU are the victim. YOU are to be pitied. And YOU are the only one who can save yourself and obtain the happiness you’re fighting to earn right now. You have a divine, human right to be happy, to be genuinely loved, and to not feel the way you do right now at their hand. Keep reminding yourself of that. You are being abused. You don’t deserve to be abused. You don’t deserve to be hurt. You don’t deserve to be unhappy. Save yourself. You’re stronger than you know. You’re more valuable than you know. There are people who love you and need you and value you, and they want to help you. Just give them a chance.

      Next time you’re around the narcissist just start saying these affirmations to yourself and the rose-colored glasses will come off, the fog of self-doubt will dissipate, and the monster before you will come into full view and scare you out of your wits — and straight into self-preservation mode.

      Save yourself. Only you have the power to stop being a victim and start being a survivor and thriver. You deserve better. Remember that. Say it to yourself over and over and over. Chant it: I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this…

      There is light at the end of the tunnel… but only you can walk out of that tunnel and into the light. Narcissists thrive in the dark, but you are meant for the light. Keep saying it… I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this…

      The moment the true meaning of those words sink in, the phoenix in you will rise and be empowered to move on to the better things meant for you. You can do it… I believe in you.

      Reply
        Anon2 says September 23, 2020

        Thank YOU. So much. I feel like you know me and wrote this comment to me. You made me cry. It’s been so long since anyone has said such genuine caring words. I can’t remember if there was ever a last time. I don’t think anyone in the world cares. Really. To hear words of tenderness from an anonymous stranger is so powerful I just can’t imagine what it would feel like to hear them from someone near and dear. I will read this over and over like a love letter because that’s what it is. Thank you.

        Reply
Anonymous says August 13, 2020

I absolutely enjoyed this article Kim. Thank you for healing us.

Reply
Carroll laneulie says August 13, 2020

Kim… I have an amazing back-up story I really need to share … would there be someone I could talk with?
Carroll

Reply
Add Your Reply