How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Hate

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You probably spend a great deal of time feeling defeated and frustrated by the narcissist in your life. You see how they treat other people (and yourself), and it’s appalling.  You certainly know what you don’t like in your relationship. But have you ever wondered how to make a narcissist miserable?

Just for the record, trying to make a narcissist miserable might have its place for a short period of time, but I don’t recommend focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably have an effect on your mental health and energy levels.

But, if you need a quick fix, let’s get into the top 12 things all narcissists hate. 

how to make a narcissist miserable
How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

1 – Lack Of Acknowledgment

It’s no secret that most narcissists revel in admiration and validation (except for ‘closet narcissists’). They depend on constant approval to maintain their sense of intrinsic worth. To achieve this goal, they absorb (or steal) the energy of other people to feel good about themselves. 

Do you ever wonder why narcissists don’t seem to mind the negative attention? It’s because negative attention also fuels their narcissistic fire. The negativity is still attention, and any form of attention gives them the incentive to keep going. It gives them the motivation to keep proving themselves. 

In fact, they often like negative attention better because if you’re still bothered by their relationship crimes, they can exploit this in order to deepen the trauma bond and keep you hooked and entangled!

Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is a real threat. To a narcissist, indifference is even more of an issue than hatred. They’d rather you have a negative opinion than have no opinion at all.

Narcissists can’t stand when no one is paying attention to them. They don’t know how to feel important or special if they aren’t the center of the universe or consuming someone’s thoughts.  This is also why the traditional Grey Rock method is often pointless and why complete avoidance is the best route (or extreme modified contact if you share children with them).

2 – When People Speak Factually 

Have you ever paid close attention to how a narcissist speaks? They use excessive, long-winded language charged with grandiose emotion. They skew reality to meet their worldview, and they believe their truth is always the truth.

Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, they’ve spent their entire lives observing the emotional language of other people and using it to their advantage.  So, when you speak in facts instead of using emotion, they intuitively understand they have less of an upper hand.

Therefore, they hate when someone challenges them with facts instead of emotion. They will usually retaliate with more arguing or hysteria. This childish response simply shows that they feel out-of-control. They attempt to elevate the conversation’s intensity by throwing an emotional temper tantrum.

If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist’s immaturity. Their inability to absorb facts demonstrates their incompetence in approaching most adult interactions. They are not skilled in the language of facts because they are always lying and hiding things, so speaking factually throws them completely off-balance.

narcissistic projection

3 – Authority

Narcissists detest authority. That’s because they resent having to answer to anybody but themselves. Any sense of authority threatens their inherent desires for power and control.

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to have issues at work, school, or with the law. Has the narcissist in your life had multiple jobs? Are they frequently getting reprimanded for their behavior?

While narcissists can be intelligent, they often come across as combative and unfit in professional environments. If confronted by their inappropriate behavior, they tend to deny or rationalize their part. 

Of course, it’s no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists. Supervisors find them unruly and unreasonable. They can’t understand why the person can’t follow basic directions without such volatile reactions.

4 – Being Told No

Of all things a narcissist hates, being told no (and actually following through with it) tops the list. Narcissists are used to manipulating and weaseling their way into getting what they want. 

Often, they’ll pull all the stops to accomplish this task. They’ve spent their whole lives charming people to meet their needs. They never stop to think about how your feelings impact the dynamic. 

That’s why telling them no- and being adamant on your stance- often causes such an angry reaction. A narcissist isn’t just upset about the denial- they’re downright confused by it! 

Narcissists can’t actually fathom why someone would refuse them. Because they lack real empathy, they can’t understand what must be going on in your mind. Moreover, even if they try to comprehend it, they refuse to accept this reality.

5 – Implementing Consequences

Have you ever tried to set a boundary with a narcissist? How well did it go? Most likely, you tried to implement a limit, and they reacted in one of three ways:

  • Dismissing you altogether and gaslighting your feelings
  • Acknowledging their mistake, promising to change, and then doing nothing to change
  • Reacting with intense rage, threats, or even physical violence 

Narcissists can’t accept any real consequences. They can’t see when they’re wrong, and they can’t understand how someone would ever think they’re wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, they simply wouldn’t care.  As a result, they tend to react disproportionately to boundaries and serious conversations as a means to intimidate you and force you into compliance.

Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists. Because they want to avoid a potential conflict, they surrender and dismiss their feelings. How many times have you avoided setting a real boundary because that’s just how they are?

6 – Losing At Anything

Have you ever observed young children playing a board game? If so, you probably witnessed plenty of cheating behaviors and dramatic reactions to losing. It’s acceptable when the players are three years old, but what happens when you’re referring to full-fledged adults? 

Narcissists can resemble toddlers, in that they tend to be extremely sore losers. They struggle to accept losing, and they also tend to lash out when it happens. A few scenarios may occur:

  • They repeatedly proclaim the person in charge (boss/referee) was incompetent
  • They attempt to defame or humiliate the winner
  • They pretend they didn’t care about winning
  • They insist that they “let the other person” take the spotlight
  • They refuse to accept that they lost and awkwardly act as if they’re the actual winner (you may have experienced this by hearing, after you’ve left them, that they’ve told everyone they’re the one who left you!)

7 – Public Humiliation

Because they are sore losers, narcissists can’t handle real or perceived public humiliation. They just can’t tolerate the threat of failure. To them, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat.

We all know that narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. When they believe someone is making fun of them or if they’re not the perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts their existence. As a result, they’ll do anything to protect their fragile ego. Some common responses include:

  • Making violent or emotionally-charged threats
  • Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on them
  • Screaming or yelling
  • Walking away with obvious anger
  • Laughing it off in public only to lash out later on loved ones later 
  • Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert

8 – Expectations of Commitment

Most narcissists are terrible with commitment. Although they believe they deserve all senses of loyalty, they don’t usually provide it themselves. As a result, when they get into relationships, they don’t consider other people’s needs. They’re only accounting for their own emotions, impulses, and desires.

Unfortunately, many adoring partners hold onto wistful hope about their narcissist changing. They listen to how the narcissist praises and adores them. They hold onto fleeting promises that this time will be different.

Yet the narcissist makes all the rules. They decide what they want to do, and they do it when they want to do it. Therefore, they can break and change the rules in ways that suit them. 

9 – Vulnerability And Emotional Expression 

Narcissists often use cognitive empathy to feign interest in other people’s emotions. Real, emotional empathy means putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We take on the feelings and experiences of the other person.

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, is far more insidious and manipulative. Think about the money-hungry salesman who preys on your ambivalence about buying a new car. Think about the general contractor who convinces you that you need to upgrade your appliances.

Cognitive empathy means tapping into someone’s deep emotions and feelings. This tactic requires having an initial connection. Narcissists use cognitive empathy to “gain entry” into your vulnerability. They establish this sense of trust and rapport using false kindness and compassion.

At the same time, they loathe vulnerability and emotional expression. They perceive it as a sign of weakness. Therefore, they use it to take advantage of you when your defenses are down.

10 – 99% Of Other People 

How many friends does your narcissist have? Probably very few. Usually, their only friends are other people who validate their narcissism. 

Subsequently, how often do you hear your narcissist complain about other people? More times than you can count, probably! That’s because a single wrongdoing often results in lifetime resentment. One mistake tarnishes an entire reputation. 

Narcissists struggle to get along with anyone who doesn’t fit into their falsified worldview. They can’t stand to be challenged. They can’t tolerate the ideas that other people may know more than them. 

If they’re a cerebral narcissist, they are convinced that they are unique and should only associate with other special or high-status individuals. In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts their sense of god-like stature, you can bet that their reaction will be explosive and malicious.

Therefore, narcissists can’t tolerate people who actually live in reality. That’s why you rarely see people with strong boundaries tolerating narcissists for very long. They recognize that the narcissist can’t provide mutual respect, connection, or love.

11 – Your Own Clarity

Above anything, the narcissist hates the idea that you might remember life before you met them. This concern is their greatest fear, and they’ll engage in many manipulative tactics to prevent it from manifesting.

Narcissists use love-bombing to keep you captured and intrigued. They’ll win you over with their charm and wit and cognitive empathy. They’ll make you feel special in ways you’ve never felt before (all through the use of cognitive empathy, of course).

But the narcissist never wants you to think for yourself. If you start doing that, they’ll react. They’ll attempt to break you down and sabotage you. They’ll make you doubt your capabilities and question your motives.

Their goal is to reprogram your mind- and they’ll do whatever they can to maintain their preferred status quo.

12 – When You Change The Status Quo 

Narcissists hate change when it’s out of their control. But when you stay with a narcissist, you remain in a defeating pattern full of resentment and frustration.

If you’re truly wondering how to make a narcissist miserable, the best way is to leave them.  Anything else only feeds into their mind-control games, which makes them believe they still have power over you.  When you choose yourself over the narcissist by leaving the relationship for good, this is the most effective way to show them they no longer have you as their puppet on a string.  

Leaving the narcissist is the ultimate way to humiliate, outsmart, and overpower them.  Walking away and living your life is the best possible way to get back at a narcissist.

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862 comments
Mark Gomez says May 16, 2024

I never knew she was one not until I dared to read the books. And BOOM everything that’s written on here is exactly the description of what’s going on with my life around her, and her “real” personality is all written up like almost literal. Thank you for the insights this has helped me a lot. I hope I am strong enough to apply this one in my “real world” living with a narcissistic wife. Thank you so much once again.

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Anonymous says May 15, 2024

This is the 1st article of information that truly capsules a narcissistic sociopath! Never doubted nor cared about anyone’ s opinion as to why I left. This guy was a real psychological case study!!!!

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Rosemary Gerhardy says May 7, 2024

This has been a great help to me. Thank you🧡

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Diane White says May 6, 2024

I keep falling into these relationships is there something I should change?

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Billy says May 6, 2024

Thank you

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R.D. says April 29, 2024

I can check off on each of the 12 signs indicating Narcissism.

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Pamela Rigney says April 28, 2024

My sister has been going though this for over 40 years and is finly seeing the light .

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Ken D. says April 21, 2024

The narcissists hates facts, Loves authority! I was the only person at work who would not bow down! Gladly went toe to toe with the boss.H.R. always sided with the narcissists. I had never filed a grievance in 29 years as a union member! I haven’t been in H.R. in years since the narcissists left the company and the H.R. person retired! I literally saw people transfer and others retire because of this punk! I celebrate my 24 year this week at this company!

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Helen Lewis says April 17, 2024

This was so enlightening.
I sold my house and moved in with my daughter and husband.
Never knew she was a full blown narcissist.What an eye opener.
I left there wounded and broken.
If only I had this information then she would not have had that great negative impact on me.
Thanks this information it helped a lot for going forward with my healing process.

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Anonymous says April 16, 2024

Walking away is not that easy if it’s a family member like son or daughter.

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    Kim Saeed says April 16, 2024

    I know. I have a dear friend who had to cut ties with her son because of his toxicity, and it is still difficult for her to this day. But, it has also brought her peace.

    Reply
    Jennifer taylor says April 28, 2024

    That’s right, it’s not easy. They are family. I’ve been with mine for 27 years.

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    Tina says May 9, 2024

    Difficult? Yes it is, but survivable.
    Took me years but eventually I DID walk away from my daughter who had decided I was a worthless excuse for a human being (posted this on FB for the world – I haven’t been on FB since). As an adult, she knew better but figured it’d destroy me. Only repercussion was MY friend
    s now dislike her; and I am/was not the Mother SHE wanted. She’s in her 40’s, & I’ll always Love her, but I really don’t like who she’s become. My mental stability has greatly improved since our “separation” after I “grieved” the loss of her in my Life & I in hers.

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    deb werbil says May 11, 2024

    my sister caused me to have a mental breakdown. She would gaslight me and cause horrible conversations. When I realized she actually didn’t like me (older sister) I was shocked that she had never expressed this. I realize now that she wanted to maintain a lie in order to confuse and reject me. I said goodbye and have not spoken to her since. She has zero friends and I have sisters who are willing to maintain a superficial relationship, but I am not! I am better off emotionally now that I know how she truely feels.

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Hardest times says April 8, 2024

I found that walking away was the only way to let them know I was no longer going to let them both destroy me. IN doing so they no longer allow me to have a relationship with my beautiful grandbabies whom iv helped raise since birth. Although that also had its challenges but iv tried to also stay strong for the grandbabies.
They loved and seriously lived coming over 3 to 4 times a week. And as I did.
I miss them every single minute of my day. The little voices, laughter, live, hugs time spent together was priceless.
It’s been a very long time since iv seen them. But I had to walk away from the two people that have destroyed themselves together they are destructive.
I only 🙏 one-day I get a chance to hug those little beautiful babies again. But now I’m healing from all the 💔 😢.

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Melany says April 7, 2024

Hi ! I am currently getting a divorce with a text book narcissist. I have two children and I’m looking for tools in regards to my kids. – any chance you could offer me sone advice — thank you from a new bright and shiny mom who walked away from the defeat and in to the light of my true life 🤍

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Paul says April 5, 2024

Why are most narcissists male?… or it seems so from all the comments and stories? A very legitimate question.

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    Kim Saeed says April 10, 2024

    I’d say it’s almost 50/50. The reason it seems most narcissists are male is because men aren’t creating blogs or social media to teach about female narcissists or share their experiences.

    Reply
Not Afraid says April 2, 2024

My brother defines every word of your narcissistic descriptions. There were only two people who saw through him, that he knew he could not control or manipulate, that being myself and our Dad.

I found the statements made on ‘How to Make a Narcissist Miserable.’
“Walking away and living your life is the best possible way to get back at a
narcissist. Leaving the narcissist is the ultimate way to humiliate, outsmart, and
overpower them.” to be NOT TRUE.

> I moved a state away to get away from my brother in 1976. But, in his mind, I moved only to ruin his life, he had planned that I’d become Mayor and he’d be the silent partner who would make all the decisions. Except I was never told. He’d call and say I’d never make it. BUT I DID. I blocked his numbers, got married, became a widow, and was raising my daughter, had a job I loved, gained the trust and respect from the community. Life was good. A few years later, my parents decided to retire to the same community, and was thrilled to be in their daughter and granddaughters life. Brother never once came to visit, but always sent Mom jewelry for her B-day, Dad a card.
> Brother stayed busy manipulating others, with blackmail, drugs, 5 marriages, all from rich families, 2 sons who moved away from him too. One daughter he refuses to acknowledge because she likes me and lives in Kansas. The last time she called to tell him her mom died he responded, ‘dreams really do come true’. She hung up, blocked him. And cried for hours.

When Dad died in the mid 90s brother swooped in. The day we laid Dad to rest, brother took control, appearing at moms house every weekend. He started with his charm to start manipulating mom, and my daughter while I was at work. Of course, he told her not to tell that he was at my house, or he couldn’t see her anymore. I figured her attitude change was her being a 13-year-old.
> Then the un-heard-of happened, I was suddenly being arrested for anything and everything. My brother, in order to keep me away while he was taking my daughters innocence & power away, with repeated lies, had bribed a detective, 25K, to come to my home when called upon and arrest me after finding the papers brother had stashed. That would prove to my mom & daughter that all the lies and stories he told them about me was the truth. It didn’t bother him that there were people fighting for me. Soon my daughter hated me, and had mom was so scared of being alone, she was 90% blind. He did that to them because he knew he couldn’t manipulate me.
> I made the mistake of telling the detective that I had figured out what was going on, so he made sure I had no way to prove it. So, I went to prison for 2 years, the detective had me as a thief, CC fraud, a drug addict and alcoholic, turning in 6 false DUI’s on my driving record. During my incarceration, brother had the local newspaper headline my crime spree so everyone who fought for me would know he was telling the truth. He took out several credit cards in Moms name with me as a second card holder and maxed them out, moved Mom back to his hometown, sold her 350K home for 50K so I couldn’t live there, told my boss of my crimes, my home went into default with only 10 payments left, he put all of Moms bank accounts in his name, and took and sold everything I owned, including my truck, wave runner, and jeep. Got my 15 yr old pregnant where she had to go through an abortion. Convinced my daughter to join the Navy and make him her life insurance beneficiary in case she gets killed. So NO, “Moving on with your life does NOT humiliate, outsmart, or overpower them.”
> It’s been 25 years, daughter still hates me, and calls her uncle ‘her dad’. Refused me my grandkids, whose now in college and has no idea that I exist.
> Me? I’ve never been back to the community I loved. I’ve have had really good jobs, and now retired. Never heard from the bastard again.
> I’ve had a hard time understanding why my daughter, as smart as she is, has never realized that this all happened when her uncle showed up and stopped when he left, leaving her all alone, with no home, no car, no money, and no family. He did leave her his private phone number that she could call anytime she felt lonely, and an address to write him at. She didn’t know he was staying at the YMCA until he finds his next female victim to live with.
> Thank God I still had friends who took her in until she graduated high school.
> I do plan to expose him for all the damage he has done to so many people, unless Karma gets him first. Otherwise, he won’t see it coming.

Thanks for listening.

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    Lilydakins says April 4, 2024

    Wooow! This is a lot that u had to go through. May the heavens vindicate you.

    Reply
    P.Thompson says May 5, 2024

    Like the devil , it’s difficult to get others to believe someone so narcissistic exists .That’s what makes them so successful. On the surface they look respectable and popular setting people up against you as flying monkeys to get their evil way .

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Luisa says April 2, 2024

WOW! WOW! WOW! I completely read my husband´s personality description. It felt like you knew my husband perfectly. I´ve been crying the end of this relationship since a year ago, I wasn´t ready, I couldn´t do it, now I´m ready to say good bye to him. I love him, however we cannot be together anymore. I´m feeling empty and sad I DESERVE MORE.

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Marvin abraham says April 1, 2024

Your first article 12 things to make them mad was great and spot on.

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Shannon says March 31, 2024

I have been with my husband for 20 years. It wasn’t until after I filed for divorce last year that I started trying to figure out why he was the way he was. At first I thought he may have BPD, that was until I read the characteristics of someone that has NPD. I was in shock. He had every characteristic listed. I had to read the article several times because I didn’t want to believe it. I still don’t. I hate the things he’s done to me. He’s inhuman to me, yet I love the thought of how we used to be. This is why I chose to stay married until last year. The divorce will be final in a few months and he’s doing everything in his power to give me nothing. He even goes so far as to try and reconcile just to keep his bank account away from me. I almost fell for it until I saw the pure hatred he had in his eyes. He was telling me he wanted to get back together but his eyes were telling me that he disgusted me. It was a scary thing to witness. We have a 9 yr old daughter and he uses her like a pawn. When he’s been horrible to me he rolls out the red carpet for her. He buys her things, he plays with her, he’s attentive, but without notice all of that ends and she goes back to being insignificant. When I read that a narcissist can’t really be in love it makes me sad. I loved him and gave up everything for him. Why would he stay so long if I wasn’t feeding his ego? I stopped doing that years ago. I’ve never met anyone that tells so many unbelievable lies. It would infuriate me. It was insulting. Recently he started cheating (why I filed for divorce) I didn’t catch him with his pants down but the evidence, although circumstantial, was so overwhelming that he couldn’t deny it, but he did, and still does. I’m determined to get proof. I want to see his ego crumble. He and his mistress thought it was fun to taunt me for over a year. Playing stupid games. I wish I could just not care but everything inside me wants him to pay for the years of torture and manipulation.

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Anonymous says March 27, 2024

You just described my second and fifth children to a T! Thank you for this post. I was beginning to think I was the crazy one!

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HL says March 26, 2024

I was married to one for 16 years and finally got up the courage to get out. There is no other way. Get out. The sooner the better.

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Fiona says March 26, 2024

It all becomes clear, when everything put together… Thank you for opening my eye’s and brain to what’s going on !!!

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Karen A says March 13, 2024

My ex narc boyfriend suddenly turns up after 20 years of him gone. He treated me like I didn’t have any value during our relationship and walked away as if I did not exist. Now after his precious girlfriend dumped him he suddenly wants me back. He is now telling me that he made the wrong choice. I was walking on the street one day and I heard someone calling my name. After listening to his stories I knew something was not adding up because he never once mentioned how he treated me back then or apologised. He was just moving fast in wanting to get back with me, and then he would always be saying I want this and I want that not even once acknowledging the fact that I am now married. He never once asked if I was ok. I eventually told him he is presumptuous and his behaviour is questionable, and I reminded him of how he treated me back then, and let him know that even if I was single I would never even give a thought to us getting back together again. I also have my husband called and politely told him to have some dignity for himself and leave his wife alone. Haven’t heard from him since but I feel scared sometimes because I readvthat when they feel rejected thay might try to harm you. Its now 1 year plus and I haven’t heard from him since. I also have my hus

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Angella says March 13, 2024

My ex narc boyfriend suddenly turned up after 20 years saying he made a wrong choice and I’m always on his mind. This after he left me without a goodbye and treated me like a dog during our relationship. I am now married with a child. Now after all these years

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Anonymous says March 8, 2024

Right on point with all the crazy things you have to dodge and be aware of. Definitely leaving is the only way to free yourself and live a new life.

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Edna R Phillips says March 7, 2024

My granddaughter is in a relationship with a narcissist, she’s miserable all the time think she is no good is there anything I can do to help her?

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Susan says March 7, 2024

This is my mother, I’m 43 and didn’t speak to her between 2016-2022. After the death of my stepfather we reconcile. We have recently moved in together due to taking care of my elder mother in law, and her needing help herself. So I knew I was taking on a lot. She immediately attempted to reverted into her old self and tried the same tactics with my 14 year old daughter. When we moved in I had already mentally prepared her, and she has stood up to the narcissist. I am so proud of my daughter, for doing what I never could growing up. Of course she got mad, but I was there for her and stood up to her along side my daughter for standing up for herself. I pray for others in the same situations for the strength and courage to stand up for them selves and see their self worth!❤️

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Connie Slightom says February 27, 2024

Very Very Interesting!!!

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Lisa says February 22, 2024

What do you do when the narcissist is your grown adult daughter? Almost all of these traits apply. It started playing games with her grampa. He walked away and said he didn’t play with cheaters.
How will this affect my two grandkids? 11 & 8. I’ve learned to walk away. I’ve received those nasty comments from her, but her husband (2nd) takes the brunt of the abuse. There isn’t anything I can do right, pretty sure there has NEVER been an apology for anything. Even if she knows she is wrong. Actually has tons of friends, but at some point her know it all attitude will hurt someone. She has the big parties, owns her own business because working for anyone else just couldn’t happen. She loves pats on the back and any positive acknowledgment. I love her with all my heart and tolerate it for my grandkids sake. It’s so sad and frustrating to watch.

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Rachel says February 20, 2024

Hello Kim! I’m hoping this comment reaches you; if not maybe some of my fellow followers can help me out.
Firs i would like to start off my saying this article is very well written and so, so true and extremely helpful in dealing with the narcissists in our lives. Thank you for sharing this information with us.
My daughter(28) shares a child(6) with her Narcissistic ex. I’ll call him ‘C.’ We have always done our best to employ the “Grey Rock” method when dealing with him – to clarify, I use the word ‘we’ as she will reach out to me when there is a situation involving C that she needs to deal with so I can help her to stay as “grey” as possible as well as give her a 3rd party perspective – in your article you mentioned how Grey Rock doesn’t work. You go on to say that when co-parenting; “extreme modified contact” should be used. This is the first either of us has heard this term. Could you expand more on that? Or maybe point me to an article or website that covers the topic in more detail?
Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read my comment and *hopefully* reply with more Information.
As I’m sure you all know, we need an arsenal of hints, tips and facts to deal with the narcissists in the world.

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Catherine says February 19, 2024

My son started lying as soon as he could talk. My husband and I have spoken to him on several occasions when he was growing up, with no avail. He has been married four times and cheated on all his wives while abusing them emotionally. I shared our experiences with a mutual friend in order to keep him from falling into yet another abusive relationship. When this friend shared what I had said with my son, my son stopped having any contact with us for 10 years. He has been back in our lives for only one year and is now back out. We can’t take all the lies, secrets and drama. His current wife is clueless to his manipulation and only knows what he has told her. My son goes to great lengths to keep her from getting the truth. The first ten years were rough when he was punishing us for exposing him, however, now I am at peace with our choice to cut ties with him, as, we are tired of the games. This article describes him perfectly.

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Amy says February 19, 2024

This is my husband to the ” T”. Already making plans to get gone asap. So done. I am stronger than he is. I’m out.
Thanks so much for the article.

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Sarah says February 15, 2024

My son married a narcissist. They didn’t date long because she said “I just can’t handle not being your wife!” He was head over heels in love. She started misbehaving at their wedding, angry that I took pictures of people other than her 3 year old daughter and letting my son know that I was out of line. She also got upset that I didn’t love her child as much as I loved my own grandchildren though I barely knew her daughter. When planning their wedding, she “needed” my help because her mother was, according to her, a psychopath. We went for a cake tasting and she told me she needed a dozen doughnuts to take to an event she was going to that evening and hadn’t brought her wallet. I paid for them. Another time, she was “starving” and wanted to go through McDonalds drive through. She put in quite a large order and said she had, once again “forgotten” her wallet expecting me to pay. When I got up to the window, I told the server that we wouldn’t be getting the order because she had forgotten her wallet and had no money. She was livid and told my son a completely different version of the story. She treated my son like absolute garbage in true narcissistic style. I had a conversation with my son about 2 months into the marriage and told him “you might hate me for saying this, but”…then I told him this was no marriage…that he needed to seriously consider divorce before things got worse. He considered it for a few days, realized I was right and filed for divorce. She kept putting off going to court, and the day they were supposed to be in court for the divorce, she called in and told the judge she had gone to the Emergency Room the night before and the ER doctor told her she had incurable cancer and would only live a few more weeks…therefore, the divorce wasn’t necessary. As if an ER doctor would make such a diagnosis and tell the patient that…no, he’d send her to an Oncologist and there would be exams and tests. The judge intelligently said “well, you sound healthy enough to proceed with the divorce over the phone” and proceeded to finalize the divorce. She stalked and harrassed our whole family for about 3 months after the divorce. She told my son he needed to deliver all her property to her at her apartment. Knowing the best way to handle her was for him to totally ignore her. So, instead, I met her in the parking lot of our local police station. I gave her one item, then wouldn’t give her another until she returned an item that belonged to my son. She went ballistic, and said she was going to go get a policeman and have me arrested for “stealing” her property. I said, “go ahead, get a policeman”. The policeman spoke to both of us, I told her I had a court order to exchange property and that SHE would be arrested if she didn’t follow the court order. It was such a difficult time for my son, but our being able to prevent her from continuing her narcissistic behavior against my son…and the rest of our family was magical. She called him once about 8 months after the divorce and told him she was pregnant with his baby. He simply said, “I know how to count…it’s not MY baby” and hung up. We feared she’d re-enter our lives, but thankfully she’s been out of our lives for about 10 years now! Confronting the narcissist and not falling for their games is the ONLY way to get rid of one.

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    Laura Houghton says February 19, 2024

    Wow Sarah ❤ well done you 👏 what a harrowing experience you have been though with your son.
    As a mum of 3 sons and a survivor of narcissistic abuse, a malignant narcissist sociopath I had no idea such evil existed within a person before this relationship 😳
    I have been for counselling and have studied and studied as much as possible about narcissists and although I consider myself to be so lucky that I got away for him and have been compete no contact with him.
    It’s been 8 years this year since I left he is still trying to contact me and affect my life.
    The things he has done in his attempts to destroy me are inhumane along with all the trade mark behaviors like the devastation of the smear campaign which pushed me to the edge. I have had to leave my home town where I had my small business and relocate everything.
    In some ways I am glad that I am armed with the deep knowledge of narcissistic traits and I am well aware of what I’m looking at god forbid my sons should ever have the misfortune of a narcissist ever blackening our lives in the future.
    I just wanted to say that I am in awe with your story and the actions you took and how you dealt with her ❤🙌

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Patricia says February 10, 2024

I hate my narcissist

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Pedro Olivares says February 9, 2024

All above very true!

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Christina says February 6, 2024

If only I could get my friend to read this and then recognize that every word describes her Son to a T. And then if I can get my other friend to see who her boyfriend truly is and help her to remember just how strong of a Woman she once was . And maybe just maybe she’ll find enough left inside of her to allow her the will to get the hell out of Dodge and not look back .

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Steve says February 4, 2024

My mother in law was a TEXTBOOK narcissist who undoubtedly had NPD and the things I witnessed and heard are truly unbelievable. She passed away from cancer about 6 months ago. She ruined EVERY Christmas (sound familiar). My wife was the “doormat” child, and was treated so badly while her brothers could do no wrong (one went to prison) and were talked about like the greatest even though they didn’t help her at all and she only got help from my wife and me…truly sickening to hear her ask for money and a second after getting it hear her talk like it wasn’t US helping her but her “wonderful” brothers… I’m not joking. Total detachment from reality. She abused drugs majority of her life but 25 years ago she had no choice but to go to rehab for crack so after that she was “good” and basically could never be addicted to any substance again. Yet, she was addicted to pills starting not long after this stint in rehab and was till her death. But to her she wasn’t addicted (oh she was…badly I might add) and she acted like she was just talking her prescribed meds and was not at all addicted and often talked about other people as “pill junkies” although this is how most categorized her, I assure you. Strangely, she ran out of her meds within one week every single time for well over a decade. Every single time. And every time she tried assuring people that next month will be different. She’s not going to be greedy and would try to promise the moon for just a little help with a few bucks or whatever till she gets her meds again. Then the exact same scenario would play out once again like clockwork. When she was occasionally confronted with the truth about something she would always try to get affirmation from her husband, she’d say while kinda amused “Marshall…did you hear what “….” just said?” Like what was said was that crazy but in reality it was just the truth. And of course he would back her up no matter how completely stupid or delusional it was, as he learned along time ago going against her on such matters meant dealing with her wrath. Now she’s passed and my fear has come true. Now her husband (my FIL) has gone from being abused to embracing narcissism completely using the tactics he endured for his own selfish reasons. I’ve already heard him whine how we borrowed thousands from him a few years back when we didn’t accept or take a dime of that money…but my wife’s brothers did! To the tune of $20,000 which was never paid back but as always, my wife being the “doormat child” takes the blame! Unbelievable…

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    Rachel says February 20, 2024

    Steve; I swear…. my own husband could be writing this exact thing regarding my mother and how she behaved. The favoritism, manipulation, lies, addiction… All of it.
    My mother passed away over 10 years ago and to this day I struggle with the Big Questions…
    Why wasn’t I good enough for her?
    Why did she hate me so much when all I did was love her and care for her?
    When will the guilt stop? *this is from a 3 year stint where I refused to speak to her. And on those 3 years, I felt better about myself as a human, wife & mother than I have ever felt in my life. I only started speaking to her when my brother told me she was in ICU and if I ever wanted to speak to her again it needed to be now.
    She passed 10 days later.
    I spent as much of those 10 days with her as possible.
    It still wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t good enough. And I never got my questions answered. The only reply I would get is ‘I don’t know.what you’re talking about’ or ‘Jesus Rachel… you need to get the f**k over it already.’
    I hope your wife is able to heal and live life truly knowing she is not (nor ever was) at fault.

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Valerie says February 2, 2024

I left one after 21 years of marriage. It took me that long to realize he was a narcissist. By that time, he had taken away all if my self-esteem and beaten me down to nothing. Not sure where I finally got the strength to leave, but I’m glad I did. Four years later, I’m an entirely different person now. And I’m happy for the first time in 25+ years.

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Jill England says February 1, 2024

By far, one of the few greatest articles on the narcissist EVER !!!

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Don says January 30, 2024

Thanks for your help.

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Anonymous says January 29, 2024

I left mine after two years. When I left his demons came out.

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Anonymous says January 24, 2024

I wish I had been more aware of these personality traits before getting married and having children with my ex husband!

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M says January 23, 2024

Im 65, on disability and have nowhere to go. I try and observe and not absorb. I have a lot of emotional scars and wonder what I will do. It is truly awful because the abuse is invisible on the outside. At least i know im not the only one with this problem. I never thought i would end up like this.

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    DearMissK says February 4, 2024

    M, I just turned 60. I’m 9 years with this narc/batterer/addict. I think there are many of us out there who need to connect and move forward into our better lives. With the 30-40 years we have left 🤞we deserve to find happiness and purpose again in our lives. We need a piece of land, some tiny homes or RVs, a community, self sufficient..you know kinda like the Hippie Homesteads we read about in Mother Earth News, back in the 70s!
    ☮️ I like to call it Lady City. Retired, on SS, disability, widowed, divorced. Whatever finds us women alone & feeling hopeless sometimes!
    May peace and fortitude, willpower and courage be yours now and forever!
    Krista in Colorado

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Laurie says January 22, 2024

What do I do if all 12 of these describe a 7 year old student in my classroom.

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    Kim Saeed says January 22, 2024

    You’re talking about a second grader. I used to teach second grade, and it was my experience that many kids who act out this way usually come from horrific home environments. Maybe try connecting them with the school counselor as a start. Then, be on the lookout to see if they ever come to school with bruises, and if so, contact the proper authorities.

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Tasha says January 21, 2024

I’m still hurting after 2 years of leaving him. He changed my life and im not me anymore. I was such a fool to have let someone like him in my life. How did I not see a bad person? I had such a good future ahead and he sucked the life out of me.

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    Ms. Mary says February 8, 2024

    Hi Tasha! You are so brave to share your story. YOU ARE NOT/WERE NOT A FOOL!! You were fooled!! If you’d like to have a conversation via email, I’d love to share my story with you.
    Ms. Mary

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Adam says January 19, 2024

I had a friend that was a narcissist. He would tell me what I did wrong and what I was supposed to do. When I did not change my ways he would show me the right way by going out of his way then guilt trip me. At first I tried to be a good friend but, being my own person and telling him no when he wanted to do something must have been too much for him. The last straw was me making him give me my things back and destroying him in a argument why he didn’t deserve my things. We almost fought. When I never called he has mutual friends turn against me. It was a crazy kind of friendship. I’m actually glad I experienced it so I know what to look for. He seemed like a perfect friend at first.

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Adam says January 19, 2024

I had a friend who was narcissistic.

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Kimberly says January 17, 2024

Thank you for posting this….everything that i knew i had to do to prevail for myself aand kids..just helped seeing what i thought in words

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Anonymous says January 13, 2024

My mother is a narcissist. I live here with her and It’s like we are strangers.. it’s like a love and hate relationship. I don’t understand how come she’s like that? We were never close at all. It’s Sad But it is what it is.

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Anonymous says January 8, 2024

My mother is a narcissist. I can’t not see her and she has made my husband and us miserable so many times. I finally told her my boundaries and she screamed at me. She is getting older and I don’t see her often as it causes me angst, but I can’t help feeling guilty when I don’t see her often.

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Maria C. says January 3, 2024

Cannot agree more with you… I broke free many years ago and do not regret it. I’ve heard Psycologiest podcast about it and help me a lot but still I feel hurt by what happened and do not know how to fix that….

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Laura Howard says January 2, 2024

Enjoyed your comments. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years and I finally divorced him and went to nursing school best thing I ever did and I am sorry I didn’t do it sooner.

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Kimberly says December 26, 2023

Can’t wait to read this for tips on how to deal with the narcissist in my life!

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Maggie says December 11, 2023

This article describes my ex husband to a tee! He was not only a narcissist, but bi-polar too! I walked out 13 years ago, and have never regretted it.

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    Brenda says January 19, 2024

    I too had a narcissistic husband And he too is bi-polar. I divorced him 4 years ago and I never regretted it. I only hoped he got some help.

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Susan Harvey says December 11, 2023

Thank you for the insight. After 16 months of abuse, intimidation and property damage, the True Narcisist is taking Me to court. This is legal abuse. He is a neighbour directly opposite me. Ever since I moved in it appears he requires constant validation and a need to be noticed.

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silas says November 27, 2023

My X Girlfriend who i lived with for 2years did all of this to me.we have a lil boy together and now she uses him against me because she don’t get any respect she says.1 you gotta give it to receive it and I have gotten none .I left Nhat Nguyen because of her disrespectful ways but of course she wants to let everyone know that she told me to leave.yes she cheated lied,verbal abuse telling everyone I was a paranoid druggie because I worry about my lil boy in her care or her daughters care that stays high all the time. Yes I’m gonna worry..The bottom line is I was raised to respect others as I do.But it’s my decision to not respect the one that don’t give it.ivevasjed her to message me and let me know when my lil boy needs anything and she wants to not do it thinking I should just bring it whenever. That’s not being a good mom for one.ti know I’ve asked this in many different ways and she says no.Ita not fair to my son to not get to see his daddy when he wants to be with me.i don’t yell at him but explain what he does wrong.i okay just like he does with him.he gets none of that with his mom she just lets him run and play by himself which is ok at times.But to keep him from me and me from him is out of the question.its all done to make her feel like she is perfect and she will tell anyone that she is…I love my son unconditionally but I hate the fact that she has to be his mom.Nhat Nguyen is a sry excuse of a mom to use and do a kid that way just for her benefit if feeling like the women that she can never be andbu cant do a thing about it because I fugured out a long time ago that I would never marry her.but my son has my name but my staye laws says I have no rights to my son.That is so wrong when there is a problem like this and his daddy wants to be with him every chance I can.everything about it is wrong .Sry I had to vent but I’m tired of the way she does..using a kid this way is the last straw…Thank you GOODBYE!!!

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    alisia gray says December 1, 2023

    Get an attorney and take her to court, you pay child support she can’t legally stop you from seeing your child

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Paula says November 14, 2023

Thank you for you time to help us. About the time my narcissist had me tied up in a bowl of mush, he died of cancer unexpectedly. It’s been a year and I’m still having trouble feeling competent to make decisions and to care about self-care. I’m just taking one day at a time. Is it normal to take so long to heal?

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    Kim Saeed says November 16, 2023

    Hi Paula,

    I am sorry about your situation. I can relate somewhat, as I had a long-term relationship with a narcissistic man who ended up passing from complications from the Jab.

    How long it takes to heal depends a lot on what healing activities you are doing. Many people think time heals, but it doesn’t. Healing depends largely on what you do as time passes. If you’re not on my email list, joining it might help you to come up with a tentative healing plan. You can sign up here, if you’re interested: https://kim-saeed.ck.page/4b3fd4a37e

    In any event, I wish you all the very best,

    Kim

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Wendy says November 11, 2023

I left my narcissist husband after 40 years of marriage . I was 61 yrs old and finally suffered two strokes before I found the courage to walk away.
I have been free of him for seven years now but still have a lot of emotional scars, he robbed me of so much emotionally. He isolated me from my family and my daughters and grandchildren.
I now make the most of every day, I have made lots of friends and best of all I get to enjoy valuable time with my two daughters and five adorable grandchildren.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO ESCAPE!

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    Les says December 1, 2023

    Thank you this gives me hope

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Gerri says November 8, 2023

Boy, after 49 years of marriage and 5 years before it took me that long to accept his being repulsed by me. Every comment in this article fits.

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    Anonymous says January 7, 2024

    In the same boat

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Jodie says November 3, 2023

My DIL is a narcissist. I realized it before my son married her, but my concerns were laughed at. My ex-husband and his wife (we are all close) also know she’s a narcissist. But I was her main target…not sure why because no one on our side of the family can stand her. She has smeared my name all over our town with PURE LIES. She went after my husband’s job with manufactured lies. My son and his ex share custody of my twin granddaughters…a week with one and a week with the other. I can no longer see them when they’re with my son…but my adorable ex DIL took it upon herself to contact me, saying I could see the girls on her time anytime I wanted to. Thank God for unburned bridges. My son will not speak to me and I’m almost to the point of letting him go. I’m tired of our (non) relationship being so one-sided. Our family has all hoped and prayed he would see her ways. But I think at this point, he is trauma-bonded to her and codependent.

In all of my reading the past several years, this article makes more sense than all of the others put together. Thank you for the great advice. I’m about to go into the comments and watch the videos you’ve mentioned.

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    Laura says November 9, 2023

    I’m dealing with a very similar situation with my son. However , this is his first wife and fortunately, there are no children involved. But Im right there with you. My son is trauma bonded and I , as much as I will always love him, I have to let him go. You said it so well. My relationship with my son is very one sided and he barely speaks to me. I dont have any idea what I have even done to him. Its so very sad. My daughter and I both pray that things will improve but we understand that he has married a very ill girl with a twisted grip on reality and there is nothing we can do. He has to see it for himself. Until then, our family has been completely fractured by this toxic girl.

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Amy says October 30, 2023

My mother is a narcissist. I didn’t realize it until about 2 years ago. My sister stopped talking to our mother years ago. I’ve been so oblivious! This explains my anger as an adolescent. As a young adult I couldn’t understand why I was such an angry teenager until I moved in with my mom temporarily 5 years ago. Then it all came back to me! We started having issues and I started avoiding her all together. It is important to note that my mother is a clinical social worker with a master’s degree. She’s a damn therapist! One day she gives me the book called: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward – A complete eye opener! Later she asks me if I read the book and I told her absolutely. She then says “Did it describe me as a narcissist?” The woman knows she’s a narcissist and sees nothing wrong with it!!! And she still thinks I’m obligated to take care of her for anything she wants. Cutting my mom out of my life is super difficult but I’m afraid I may have no other options. She’s terrible to me and even worse when she’s on her cocktail of Xanax and muscle relaxers. God help my brother who still feels obligated to her.

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Darla says October 29, 2023

My daughter is narcissistic. A month ago she had a fulfledged meltdown with me when I wouldn’t leave her house. ( I thought I could talk her down, but it only got worse.) She has blocked me on Facebook, messenger, but the ultimate is she’s blocked me from my 7 year old granddaughters life. She knows that is the ultimate hurt she can cause.
Sge has a diagnosis of ADHD, and she says there are other diagnosis. She’s 44 years old. Her life has not been easy. She was put into a children’s home for troubled teens by her father and step mother. I was not a very good mom to her from 14 thru 18.
How do you handle something like this. If it weren’t for my granddaughter I could handle it better. I’m so afraid that she is going to turn that sweet empathetic little girl into the mean, hateful person she is now. I love her but I’m so lost at what to do.

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Patsy Suggs Monk says October 26, 2023

I am absolutely amazed at the number of comments on your book. I have spent most of my life with a narcissist. Mine was my mother. She gaslighted and humiliated me in public all my life. I constantly heard things from her like “nobody loves you but me” and one of her favorites was “I love you and I try to find things I like about you’. Consequently I grew up with very low self esteem. And as I read your text I realized that I’m a bit of a narcissist myself, which makes t very sad

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Jessica says October 25, 2023

I LOVE YOU. THIS POST IN UNBELIEVABLY ACCURATE! EVERYTHING ,EVERY WORD THAT I JUST READ EXPLAINED MY RELATIONSHIP SO CLEARLY. just last night my bf nearly pushed my last button and snatched my last ounce of HOPE that I’m holding on to for dear life and I’m blessed I held tight and read this today. 3 years of this relationship has destroyed everything I ever cherished loved and worked for so hard. ..my dignity, respect, the simple fact that I AM a living breathing feeling human being that is WORTHY of being heard, loved , respected,. I DESERVE THOSE GOOD THINGS!!!. I REALLY DO. IM NOT GOING CRAZY. I’m not a vile human being or cruel like he says. He is!!!!!…. I’m not a cheater or a slut or a bitch or stupid …or a bum. I AM NOT. And I finally just now opened my dawn eyes. 6am 10/25/23 in newark NJ homeless and addicted to drugs because of him. And he keeps on a tight leash so I don’t leave his side. A few times last year he caved in and went to rehab with me but he only lasted 3 days and left because it wasn’t co- ed…..i stayed for a few more days after he left but he would call constantly asking about me to speak with …and when we spoke he would convince me to leave and come to him back to the streets because if i dont it means i dont love him and that i probably am cheating on him inside the rehab with guys or that im giving other guys attention or they are looking at me ..so I need to come back ….or he will commit suicide or w.e….. I’m tired of this life. That’s not LOVE… the love he constantly lies to me that he has. How much he loves me and I’m the most important person to him…..but it’s all talk…his actions don’t prove it.. IM GETTING HELP AND IM GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE AND BE HAPPY AND SOBER. I found the key to these shackles on my wrists. The answer to my misery. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. Period …he don’t love me …this is the truth .. the key … the answer.. I need to leave him and cut him off cold. Because he won’t go away. Thank you so much !!! This article post just may have saved my fucking life. Thank you!!!

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Tenia says October 22, 2023

I live with a narcissist. His grown son is one too!! This information enlightens me to the fullest!! Thank you.

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Denise says October 19, 2023

I went no contact with the narcissist in my life this time. I blocked her from every avenue of communication. If she wants to talk to me she will have to come face me in person. She would never say these things to my face She made up some very egregious lies about me and I’m just not putting up with her anymore. No more walking on eggshells, no more drunk phone calls at 4:00 am, no getting pulled in the middle of her and her husbands arguments. I don’t get to see my grandsons but she was keeping them from me anyways. She uses them to hurt me and why I do not know. I plan on living out the remainder of my life in peace. My husband of 36 years deserves 100% of me. It took me along time to get to this point but when you take the power from someone and not allow them to control your happiness.

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Kris says October 17, 2023

Do you think a narcissist know they are one?

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    Anonymous says October 30, 2023

    Absolutely!

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Pollyanne says October 16, 2023

Sad to read so many similar stories. I have a brother who has spent his life believing the world revolves around him and everyone shud look after him
Lost a job a marriage a home all through drinking and doing what.t he wanted .Now living of everyone else absolute joke

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Anonymous says October 15, 2023

This is such valuable info into a narcissists, my neice is in a relationship with a person exactly as you describe…thank you for your sharing your insight.

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LeAnn F Chapman says October 14, 2023

I appreciate your validation! Your definition of actual reality and truth is refreshing!

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Leonor Ramiscal says October 14, 2023

Living w narcissist, pure hell
God took him, I regain my self respect, freedom, happiness
God is just

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Sherrice waiwaiole says October 10, 2023

Thank you so much for the enlightment.I really thought I was going crazy and alone.

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Katherine Laflamme says October 10, 2023

The World is right att your finger tips

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Annomimus says October 9, 2023

I live this too I left after 12 years with my 2 boys of 5 and 7 had a 3 year custody Battle and what a Battle that was.
I’ve always taught my sons. That who you were meant to be is resilient. And when we remove the negativity from your life. That person Returns stay strong, accept the good about people and let all their bad roll off your back. Not allowed to carry through the rest of your life.

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    Amanda says October 21, 2023

    Such a strong woman 🤝🫶💪I’m still going thru it and we have split up since March, asked me back haha I’d rather stick pins in my eyes , an absolute joke he is but we’ll all see our day !!! X

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    Les says December 1, 2023

    Amazing, I envy you and hope I can find this strength

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Margaret says October 9, 2023

My daughter, 42, fits these descriptions in many ways! She’s very smart and capable and wants to succeed! However her relationship with me is at best tenuous! There are times when I have to call her out for her behaviors and of course that ends poorly! She just stops communicating! Her husband loves her, and she him. He also puts up with her roller coaster behavior and backs her up 100%. I’m glad for this support! In addition she lives several hours away and the separation is essential! God knows ! I do lament not having a real relationship with my daughter, but I wish I didn’t have to try so hard! It feels like she truly dislikes me but shows more respect for her dad!
It’s just a huge cross for anyone to deal with! I’ve just had to given her over to Gods mercy! She’s not going to change and I must just accept this fact!
Enjoyed your article so much!

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Kogie says October 8, 2023

Correct

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Jo-Frieda Good says October 5, 2023

All of this is true A relationship with a narcissist is very unhealthy!! You can never be happy with them!!!

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Amy says October 5, 2023

Thank you very much.

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Cee Arnold says October 3, 2023

I was married to a narcissist for 35+ yrs. The relationship was a clown-carvtrain wreck. When he realized I was really leaving, it sent him over the edge. He was mentally, physically abusive yet he could fantom why I would want tob

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Anonymous says October 1, 2023

This describes my daughter in law to a tee, unfortunately my granddaughters and son are in the middle, we haven’t seen them in 20 months. My granddaughters spent several days a week with me and I miss them everyday . It is heartbreaking for all of us but honestly we don’t miss the lies and drama she caused all of us.

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Sherri says September 30, 2023

This is what I have been trying to explain to my husband about his daughter. If she doesn’t get her way no one is happy. As long as she has control of ever situation she a happy angel but, let someone being me stand up to her and she’s a monster.

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Joe Gleason says September 26, 2023

My daughter is said to be bipolar. She memics your narcisstic points to a tee. Totally out of control & arguementative. Temper tantrums are common. Like a time bomb waiting to explode. She can’t cope with society.

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Rochelle Parton says September 26, 2023

I really liked this guy. Because he gave me attention. But then he stared to put me down. I could not understand that. Because he would say that he loved me. I’m happy I walked away from him.

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Carol Dickson says September 25, 2023

This describes my SIL almost to a tee!! Unfortunately, in his narcissistic rant he alienated my three grandchildren and my daughter.

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Gary Broxson says September 24, 2023

absolutely genius article

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Amelia De Lange says September 23, 2023

I had a son in law who killed my beautiful daughter’s sole. After she left him, she became the beautiful girl we hadbefore she met him. But he uses their children to get to her as he knows she will do anything for the 3 kids. How can we as grandparents help them to be strong against him.

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Webdy says September 23, 2023

My mother was a narcissist. When you have known nothing else in your life ut us very difficult to be able to see your own personal value. She traumatised me over going to school, so I was moved to a school nearer home. My father punished me for being expelled! The shock traumatised me still further. I was never able to get him to believe me. They are both dead now but my husbanding autistic, so it has taken me some years to hone my self belief! The 12 points you raise are just so very true!

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Jean Gowing says September 21, 2023

That is my partner 100 % I really didn’t have a clue? But my 14 year old granddaughter has been getting very frustrated with my partner Adrian! She lives with us! Due to her mother’s mental health! We are her guardians. She has lived with us since she was 3yrs old. She has done really well! Mentally, intelligence wise and has been physically active! I feel now She has started seeing Adrian’s
Verbal abuse! And arguing with him.

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Taylor Martinez says September 18, 2023

I really needed to know this.

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TDS says September 18, 2023

I was married to an alcoholic narcissist. She couldn’t understand why I stopped showing her any feelings or want to be with her sexually. She became a total turn off. She as physically abusive to our baby, drank and cheated behind my back. Pathologically lies and still does to this day even after we divorced. Went form physically abusive to mentally manipulative with our now 12 year old son. Everything is still my fault. She did nothing wrong. According to her. I am so much happier now than when I was stuck under the same roof as her. She is a pathological liar, a drunk, and a gambler, who says she cleaned up at AA, but yet still is miserable to be around. Gambling and lying now, just waiting for the drinking to start again as she has “rehabbed” herself supposedly 4 times. What I learned from her is to seriously vet anyone else who comes along so I do not get caught in that disaster of a tornadic relationship ever again. Thanks for your article, it is 100% spot on to these types!

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Michelle says September 17, 2023

Everything you said is right on point .

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Dominik Boxstaens says September 17, 2023

So…. I’m still in love with “someone” I love him so much wrily, but one day he’s so, other days he’s facing quit, he totally says nothing!!!!
So if I understand correctly….. He doesn’t love me really or…..????

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Nancy says September 17, 2023

I started seeing someone he was great at the beginning said the right things a woman wants to hear.. now when we have issues or anything he gets mad and he makes me feel like I’m the bad one. He actually ended the relationship because I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him thinking about getting back with his ex baby momma and trying to have a relationship with me. I told him he needed to figure it out first and then we will see. He told me I’m not with here I’m with you so why are you saying that just go be with someone else if that’s what you want or why are you making a big deal your over thinking things again I’m with you not her.. so it ended I love him but he makes me second think myself like is it my fault should I have stupid because he was with me like I feel like I’m not myself anymore or thinking right anymore. Bad thing is I can’t forget him why what do I do?

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    Janet says December 13, 2023

    Run!!!

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Sue says September 17, 2023

Great information about dealing with a narcissist. Having recently dealt with one that I was friends with for 20 years until I started pushing back on her and doing many of your suggestions for dealing with them. Giving them no attention and questioning their behavior with actual facts seemed to really be the most effective way of dealing with them. I had tried to be a good friend and support but when it really started impacting my family was when I knew that this was not a real friendship.
Thanks for posting this work it really helped validate that I handled the situation correctly.

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    Lisa says October 1, 2023

    Sue,

    I am so glad you got out of your situation! I wish you all the best with your new freedom.

    I am in the early stages of losing a friend of 25 years. Her true self presented itself when she started drinking regularly, now that her kids have grown. I stuck it out because I know she has a drinking problem, but I can no longer take the abuse. Most of the descriptions here resonate with me…like aha moments.

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Conrad says September 15, 2023

My wife did all these things to me and I believed her and I even stood by her because all the people I care and love listened to my vowels.
Including my mother and father who passed away and my wife would manipulate me into not seeing them before they died.
I am broken by her behaviour, I could t understand why she was so mean to me the more I did the more she took and nothing I did was recognised so that I stoped. Sting about me. And now I doing my best to bring our son which she has little to do with but keeps a hold of him because it hurts me. I want to move as far from her as I can but I can’t leave my son. This is fucked I’m 55 and doing my best iv lost everything and struggling to stand up for myself but in my work environment I am untouchable creative, positive, problem solving machine.
But when it comes to me nothing I do nothing me but everything for everyone else. I stoped writing music… my passio. Because it hurts so much. Now I know what she is I feel so stupid why I didn’t leave at the first sign. My whole life has been hard but I was going places and then I meet her and have gone down hill,
Question: how do I find my way back? How do you repair what wasn’t broken before and infuriate her at the same time??

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    Amy says December 1, 2023

    You need to block her out of your mind totally. She’s not worth the effort, time and emotional stress. Not blocking her out allows her to still have control over you. Some suggestions I have for you that may help you are…See a counselor or therapist. Read a book on overcoming codependency. Meditation can help with stress and relaxation. There’re many great apps you can download. Have a gratitude jar. Every day write something down that you’re grateful for. There’s always something to be grateful for. It can be something as simple as sunshine or rain. Read positive affirmations everyday. There’re daily cards you can buy on Amazon and several apps you can download to your phone. Volunteer or do small kind things for others. Even a stranger. Holding a door open for someone or maybe helping someone trying to reach an item on a high shelf at the grocery store. Make a list of all the the positive qualities you have. There’re many! Some may be… reselegancy, courageous, beautiful inside and out, empathetic, pretty eyes. Continue adding things to your list and read the list everyday. Learning to love yourself is not a easy task. It could be a lifetime journey. I’ve been working on it for most of my life. The best of luck to you! You deserve it!

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Jessica A says September 14, 2023

I found my mom is a narcissist. She had made my life so miserable. I think I need help I don’t want to do the same to my daughter 😞

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    Julie Horst says October 15, 2023

    Hello Jessica

    My grandaughter is dealing with her narcissist mom, She is 13 , how can I help her ? I am afraid of her mom , her mom destroys anyone that she comes in contact with, please share any thing you can

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Mary woods says September 13, 2023

Send this to each US Senator and Congressman so they understand what is going on these days.
So many think it will pass or they will come around eventually, while they get sucked in and cant get out. Thank you

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Anonymous says September 11, 2023

Married to one for 39 years but we truly love one another. He knows he’s a mess and we have had great times and horrible times. We have been through so much hardship beyond our control and have learned to manage. I have had to be VERY strong-willed and fight for my children in a way that he has never understood but I’ve managed and our kids are great. Their relationships with their dad are very distant but he knows that’s on him and I put a stop to any attacks on their well-being or my relationship with them. Truth and plain-speaking have been my greatest weapons against his mental illness. It has been worth it to me because he is worth it but I would never stand in judgment of anyone who makes a different choice. It’s a very difficult life.

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Ines says September 10, 2023

Robin RaneyHerald will never understand the situation I have had to go through. She was never a friend why? I don’t really understand “her” She changed right after or during the time her brother Russell,my boyfriend and we were together for a long time. The COVID-19 VIRUS is what took him away right after Christmas. It was terrible . That’s not all. She made me leave that house by March so she could make money that she didn’t need. The whole family did quite well. I hope everyone who reads this understands he was a kind person. I thought the whole family was but at times.I still wonder what happened with my 2 dogs? So many things just got left behind at that house. I only had a couple of weeks to leave.I don’t know what to do or say about this but it was wrong. I have never got my 1 dog back , the other one one had diabetes. There names was Kota and Cindy. If anyone knows anything about this please tell me. Doing me this way has been wrong. I’m living with Parkinson’s disease and Epilepsy too. The Parkinson’s got worse after he died. Again, thanks.
Ines Elkins

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Anonymous says September 10, 2023

Read Science of Survival by L.Ron Hubbard. Believe it or not, there is actually something worse than a narcissist. (Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health will also be useful. See Scientology.org &/or Dianetics.org online fir further data) Your post is a good start.

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Courtness says September 10, 2023

I think we all endured this enough for 4 years and still continues unfortunately. 😏

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Ananias says September 10, 2023

Fantastic article. I recently left a friendship with a narcissist that lasted 7 years. We fell out a lot and because I am still in quite young and in school I failed to acknowledge them as a narcissist. It was extremely hard to leave them but I succeeded. Unfortunately we attend the same school so I have her in all my classes. Although now It is very relieving to know that I wont be facing the blame and expulsion for her lack of regard to rules. The school I attend has a strong Christian faith so they tended to side with her and other fundamentalist Christian families. Sometimes when we encounter narcissists, its painful when they have everything and everyone backing them up. Its important to have people on your side to talk to.

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Lydia E Cortez says September 9, 2023

Excellent reading material. Confirming the behavior

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Lorita Enos says September 8, 2023

So true! I have a sister who is 100% a narcissist! She fits the profile to a tee! And ur right! I love her as a sister cause we r blood. But, I don’t like her! After awhile, I found myself not wanting to be in her company. She was always so negative; she was always right; and when she didn’t get her way, she would pout in the corner! She would be so nice to your face but asa u turn your back to her, she would gossip about you to her friends about how badly your life is, etc!

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    Anonymous says October 22, 2023

    My sister is one too I’ve cut ties with her as it’s too unhealthy to have her in my life ! Best decision I made she was horrid to me !

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Nathalie says September 7, 2023

I’m just sick, I have narcissistic tendency and I’m disappointed with my every single thing that I’ve been doing. I’m ashamed that I have had been excusing this behaviour and hurting my gosh about every one I ever cared about. Did you know that I have blamed it on Adderoll as I am aggressive and push people to get back up away from me. I’m just trying to deal with my imminent death. I’m young, I am just terrified, and I’m just alone. Poor little girl I will need help you can understand that it would be a great opportunity to get right. I just alienated the one who I had been so very close to my bff, and ran her monumental asshole into the ground. I just can’t believe that I am just capable of doing anything else I can’t believe that I ticked all the boxes! I’m just hoping for a little bit of improvement

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denelda says September 6, 2023

excellent advice

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Charles Pasternak says September 1, 2023

I thought I would receive support from my wife’s sisters after she passed last year. I was her caregiver during the pandemic.

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Monte’ Ransone says September 1, 2023

Love your article, I live with a partner whom is a narsissist and it is so hard and unfair. I’m close to the end of this non relationship it’s the putts! I’m done!!

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Zoopie says August 31, 2023

This is 100% of what I’ve been experiencing and the best decision that I made was to walk away for GOOD. Thank you for sharing this post and this will help others to understand that they’re not the only one and many help is out there.

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Louise says August 29, 2023

I’m leaving with one.IV told him that’s what he is I’m in my seventh and never. Heard
the word,til my sister told me .and mine is a lot like what i read..thank you for putting this out.IV been reading. A lot about this.so I can understand

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Anonymous says August 28, 2023

Very enlightening and informative.

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Carrie cameron says August 26, 2023

Very helpful post thank you

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Anonymous says August 26, 2023

This is Exactly the truth 100%..

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Mary says August 25, 2023

Daughter in law is a narcissist. So is her father, makes our lives he’ll.

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    Onewhoknows says October 5, 2023

    Mine to. For my son’s sake we just never go to the same place at the same time. Haven’t seen her for a long time and life is great.

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Dianna says August 25, 2023

Ok got the narcissist part , help with that and adhd added that won’t take meds .

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    Kim Saeed says September 2, 2023

    It’s not possible to force a narcissist to get help if they don’t want it. When we find ourselves in such situations, we can only accept things as they are without expecting things to change that are outside of our control, or decide we’ve had enough and make different choices.

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Kate T says August 25, 2023

My man works for a narcissist, who owns the business and frequently gives himself many titles instead of hiring competent employees. Instead of quitting my man is confident he can ignore his boss but I can see it taking a toll on him; lack of sleep, negative self-esteem, long rants, etc.
Is there something I can do to help this situation? Without getting anyone fired or killed..?

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    Kim Saeed says September 2, 2023

    There’s likely not much you can do if your partner doesn’t want to leave his job.

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Donald says August 25, 2023

Great Points, l was a quiet kid who watched nd listened. So I can spot a Narcissist from a mile away!!.

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Sherry says August 23, 2023

Sounds so familiar

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    Courtness says September 10, 2023

    Indeed!

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Burke says August 23, 2023

Thank you,
This was spot on, my girlfriend is totally everything your article mention. I’m leaving her ass tomorrow morning.

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Cori says August 22, 2023

I also left a narcissist. He made me feel so guilty for my actions.
My children do not show narcissistic tendencies, and I want to make sure they don’t become rant way.

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Jean says August 22, 2023

If you love them and don’t want to leave how do you manage your own life with any kind of sanity

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    Kim Saeed says August 31, 2023

    That’s the thing, you can’t. If you want to stay, you have to do so with the understanding that things will always be the way they are now…with the possibility of things getting worse, including your mental and physical health.

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Bismark Agbesi says August 22, 2023

I’ve married to a narcissist for 6 years and it’s been hell for me. I came across your article and it has really helped me in dealing with her, but the problem now is she’s trying to use my kids (3&4 yrs) to get back at me. She won’t let me talk to them.

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Natalie says August 22, 2023

Hi my step son married a N comemied suicide in a year left us with a baby and his wife after reading a but a N she is one and we can’t get to spend time with the grandkids she must be with she the other grandmother pays for his school and she was uesing my step son as a A T M we have now stopped that

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Nancy says August 20, 2023

I was married to a narsissist for 15 years. During that time he/we became fameus and verry rich. My happiest days came after I left him. Working hard and being loved. You can not live with a narsissist, no way.

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Laura Batmanghelidj says August 19, 2023

If I do leave my huusband “which I’m thinking of doing”, how will i get through the change in my life with him after 36 years? How will i manage a life with the change. I suffer from major depreession. He uses that fact against me which pushes me further into depression. Im on a lot of meds and he controls every part of it by telling me I’m on the wrong meds because I’m so depressed. After 39 years of cognitive empathy, no trust no support and more depression I should go my own way. I’ve realized now knowing just what a narcissistic persons is and the definition of one, I can make a decision. With the guidance of my therapists, I hope I can be alone again and thriving

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OMG I have seen this says August 18, 2023

I’m married to a NARCISSIST he sucker me in and I wondered why I couldn’t get any thing right and my husband was gaslighting me and I thought I was going crazy (I didn’t say that)(you’re crazy)ext… came to a point that I was just not myself and I saw a glimmer of light and got help knowledge is powerful I’m still in the relationship but I’m no longer in love or a victim and I’m looking for a way out and I know I’m not alone and I know who and what he is and I love myself so if you’re in this please get help and love yourself and forgive yourself for falling for a Narcissist

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Sharon Holcombe says August 15, 2023

You hit it on the mail my son is a narcissist. All the traits you describe he has. Thank you so much ivv bc will save this to help me understand how to deal with him! I want to break free from him. He tries to control me !

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Anonymous says August 14, 2023

I would never think to this day that I would ever speak my story for the public to see, but after reading this article & that it caught my attention I felt as if I would be heard & understood. As been a victim to this type of person it has been very draining & energy taxing, I have lost all my confidence & ability to have the courage to have conversations that I can hold and laugh with others.
I have found this very hard over the years through what I’ve seen either internet, tv, radio & news.

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Kim Saeed says August 14, 2023

I had similar experiences in corporate America. Personally, when these things started happening in the workplace, I updated my resume and started a new job search. I kept going until I found new employment. It’s a hard situation to be in, but this is what worked for me.

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Brenda Larke says August 11, 2023

I also lived with a Narcissist for 33 years. And yes I left and have my sanity back and my Worth while. I did not understand how bad he was and so cruel.

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Cindy says August 9, 2023

This is my sister and I am DONE. We didn’t speak for 12 years, then reconnected, only to find her worse at degrading me. Time to cut her out

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Liz Adam says August 9, 2023

Experiencing life with a narcissist is heavy going, and can be ruinous to your physical, financial and emotional health. Thanks for sharing these short-term coping mechanisms.

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Stanley Zielinski says August 8, 2023

Well said.

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Nancy says August 7, 2023

You have described my 53 year old daughter who lives with me. I am in the process of moving out of my home, to help my own sanity. She shows the symptoms you have mentioned.

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Bonny says August 6, 2023

I know my husband is in our success all the things you said are true he did a lot of negative things in our 27-year relationship that says he is a narcissist he told me he was thinking about leaving me he had been drinking so I asked him the next morning are you still thinking about leaving me he said yeah so I had already asked God please guide my footsteps I can’t live like this anymore so I knew about it opening it an apartment that I could kind of afford so I went there after he told me that and it was like God opened up the door for me to have peace for once in 27 years but when I started moving my stuff I know we have been drinking and it was like to the millionth power screaming and yelling at me get out hurry up I want you to take all your stuff and I couldn’t believe how angry he was after he had said he was leaving me and he still is always calling me trying to get me to do things because I did do most of our business when we were together wish I had someone to talk to about it and I still love them despite all he is done and I know if I didn’t leave I would probably have another stroke

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    Ashley Bourgeois says August 21, 2023

    I certainly hope you don’t go back to him . Regardless if you love him, you .sit cut him off completely. Stop helping him, stop talking to him, block his number, change your number and just leave him alone completely. He’s not going to change. Not today, not tomorrow and not the next. Your health is much more important than your ex husband. He’s grown and needs to learn how to be a man and learn to take care of his own thing sand himself. You had a stroke and that’s days a lot. Love yourself too, you have to lose him to love you.

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Patricia says August 6, 2023

My brother is the narcissist or I should say was I this article very interesting as I have not seen all of their characteristics listed this way and I could go through and tick most of the behaviours the rest of my family could see what he was doing and when I started to realise it for myself I had other people telling me I was wrong because he came across as such a wonderful caring brother when in actual fact he just kept pulling me down and the hardest thing for me take away from this situation was the fact that he did it when I was already emotionally vulnerable my husband had passed away and now when I look back on it he was doing it to the both of us before he passed. I no longer welcome him in to my home and I have become a much happier and more positive person since

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Deb says August 5, 2023

Thank you so much

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Terri McMichael says August 5, 2023

Great article! I grew up with a friend like this – My daughter who has a Masters degree in Counseling also calls it “Reality Star Syndrome “ – This friend of mine acted like everywhere she went, there were paps and cameras following her.
She never followed the rules, and I was miserable the week I stayed with her.
I was never so glad to fly back home in my LIFE!

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Marie says August 5, 2023

I recognize the behavior of my daughter in law. She and my son and granddaughter were renting a home from me and although it broke my heart, I had to have them move out. My granddaughter turned against me and my son was heartbroken and didn’t understand. He is so screwed up and codependent that I feel like I lost him too. I don’t know where to turn but I don’t regret for a moment the decision that I made to cut her out of my life. I just wished I hadn’t lost my son and granddaughter too. My son refuses to talk to me and I see my granddaughter very occasionally but only when her mother allows it. She is also a mess.

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    Rwena Khoury says August 8, 2023

    I’m so sorry you lost your son but as much as it hurts you must believe your granddaughter will see her mom for what she truly is and will eventually come back my two nieces now tell me every day that I am and always was their real mom, and guess what they are my best friends 💜

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Trina says August 5, 2023

Wow this is my ex thankfully after 16 years I got out but damage mentality and some physical had been done, he still controls to a degree due to two children with him thankfully the older one saw him for what he was and wants nothing to do with him. (Younger one is to young to make that decision and starting to show some of father’s traits) He is still fighting me in court to get access to them, unfortunately court thinks he’s charming. Just got to keep fighting to keep kids safe

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Teresa says August 4, 2023

My definition of a narcissist is egotistical selfish to the point of being evil. Every thing you said about a narcissist is spot on

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Leanne says August 2, 2023

I was in an abusive marriage for many years and wish I’d read this article then, rather than being told about abuse. It’s certainly all connected. I feel so powerful now being armed with this knowledge! I feel confident in recognizing narcissistic characteristics in other friendships and relationships. I would appreciate a follow up article with real life scenarios or role-play types of conversations so I can be prepared for future encounters. This article describes what they hate, but doesn’t really explain how I should react (especially if narcissist becomes violent or throws a tantrum as described in points 2, 5, 6, 7) I need to know how to react if I cannot leave.

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Dixie says August 2, 2023

I’m in the same place as yourself.

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Dixie says August 2, 2023

My abuser had me thinking I didn’t even deserve ice in my drinks. Can’t escape…

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Daisy Medina says August 2, 2023

I wish there was a place for support. My son is a narcissist with bipolar and schizophrenia, Adhd and ODD and sad to say we live on eggshells around him.
Most days when he visits I lock myself in my room to avoid all negatively. Our entire family can’t have a conversation with him unless he is pointing fingers at someone. It’s a terrible way to live.
Haven’t found any support group in Clermont, FL

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    Kathy French says August 6, 2023

    Hi Daisy,
    Please know you are not alone with your struggles. You need to find something “ personal positive thought” you go to when your son goes there with you and your family. Some people say challenge the narcissist but I say go completely silent and watch. Reaction feeds their moods swings. Please don’t hide in your room. Live your life the way you have before, why make someone have such power to change how you feel. You may have gave birth to him but it’s not your fault he is the way he is. Also you need to thoroughly heal from your trauma of going though the attack on your character and not feel shame because of all this. He will never change so you have to be the change. I’m not a therapist but I felt your struggle in the comment and wanted to support. Hang in there and find a positive outlook or outlet to devout your energy.

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Charles wilson says August 2, 2023

I was crying

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Anonymous says August 1, 2023

What if he doesn’t leave?

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    Lori M McArthur says August 22, 2023

    You will need to leave yourself. It is worth losing everything to not lose yourself. Try finding some support systems, like counseling or support groups first. It was the best thing I ever did.

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Ladacia Warren says July 30, 2023

Thank you so much for this the more I read the more I understand…My roommate is a narcissist. I was always wonder why he lies about everything and is in so many relationship. Women don’t stay around long, he has also charm his way back into their lives by buying cars. Wow

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Anonymous says July 29, 2023

I pray for any people who have any thing to do with a narcissist. I can actually feel them in a room now.

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Jenny says July 29, 2023

Thank you for this. I have been married to a narcissist for 5 years and it has taken a toll on my mental health. Articles like these and my therapist have opened my eyes and validated my experience with him. I can’t do it anymore; it’s crippling. Thank you for this.

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Anonymous says July 28, 2023

I HAVE MET 2 NARCISSISTS JUST RECENTLY ONE HAS DESTROYED THE GREAT SOSIAL ENVIRONMENT IN A CLUB BY COLLECTING MINIONS WHO BELIEVED HER AND THIS GROUP COLLECTIVELY DESTROYED THE CLUB. aFTER DOING THIS SHE LEFT ACCORDING TO HER EVERYONE TURNED AGAINST. SHE TOOK THE STAND THAT SHE WAS BEING VICTINISED.NOT TRUE PEOPLE EVENTUALLY WOKE UP TO HER BUT WITHOUT DEVASTAING EFFECTS

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Harley Rath says July 26, 2023

hi, I’m a 17-year-old girl almost 18 I need your help. It’s my boyfriend. I’ve been reading articles for hours. I’m scared the person I’m in love with has these narcissistic traits.

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    Kim Saeed says August 14, 2023

    Hi Harley,

    I encourage folks to pretend that the term ‘narcissist’ doesn’t exist. Then, ask yourself how the relationship makes you feel. There are probably some good times, and that’s because what’s considered “good times” are often an integrated part of the abuse. If you experience small moments of ‘relief’ in between being in a hellish situation, that’s one of the primary signs of a toxic relationship. One of the terms that describes this is intermittent reinforcement.

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      Teresa says August 26, 2023

      You are young. I suggest you leave now. The world is full of wholesome people who will appreciate who you are without manipulation. Take care.

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Anonymous says July 24, 2023

OMG. My son just escaped a 2 year relationship with a TRULY MEAN narcissist who treated his 5 yr old son worse than Cinderella ever had to live. Now he’s living with me and my EVEN BIGGER AND BETTER NARCISSISTIC husband. This article couldn’t have come to us at a better time. THANK YOU

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Polly Blakeney says July 23, 2023

This describes a person very close to me.

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Teresa says July 23, 2023

I was involved with a friend and later married, which only lasted several months, that exhibited all of these behaviors. That was 12 years ago and I’ve been free of him for 1 year. It takes courage and tears but you can do it.

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Doc says July 23, 2023

Good fix for narcissist is walk away forever

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Anonymous says July 23, 2023

I lived with one for too many years ! He programmed me quick ! I felt totally useless , and helpless . I’ll pick all those up right now.At one point considered suicide !! Now thankfully I have had my life back for years now!! Please get out of this relationship quick as you can !!

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Lynne says July 22, 2023

Just finished a 7 year relationship which was the right thing to do but my brain gives me flash backs of happy times. He sent me a photo today of us together and said what happened to the love. Why did WE let it go! Pulls at my heart strings. Difficult times

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Derek Watts says July 22, 2023

We had an argument and put him in his place ignore and never had again a conversation with the person. I make a point to greed but never had a conversation again. It worked for me till this very moment.

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Wendy says July 21, 2023

I feel like I have narcissistic traits. I care so much about other people’s feelings though. I hurt myself trying to be good to others. Once I’m angry, then that’s when I see those traits come out. Sometimes I just don’t want to live anymore. I get tired of trying to fit in or even be accepted.

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Chris kornmiller says July 18, 2023

You have made me see the things I just didn’t understand. B
Thank you

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Jeff says July 18, 2023

This is my wife and I did leave her 43 years to long I feel great now just living with my dogs

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Alma W says July 18, 2023

This was really helpful. Thanks I have been with a Narsecist for 5 yrs…..

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Joyce says July 16, 2023

I believe my adopted mom was a narcissist.,..The more I read about it, the more I believe it’s true.,.

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Jim Moulton says July 16, 2023

We live near one.

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Pattie Anne says July 16, 2023

My son-in- law is a terrible narcissist. I live in fear that he will hurt my daughter or worse my grandchildren. She has three children that aren’t his and two that are. He clearly hates the three. He belittles them and controls them constantly. They can do no right. When my daughter addresses that he might be wrong he gets violent and breaks thing. Loud screaming and cursing the kids. My daughter seems to have succumb to his tactics. I am afraid for my grandkids. They are miserable every minute of their lives and if I risk calling authorities, I could lose my watch over them. What can I do?

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Sharan says July 14, 2023

Hello there, I feel as if this article is written for me as this is all happening with me. I live with a narcissist who has all these qualities and I am suffering in hell with him. I want to end the relationship buy not able to do it.

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Sharan says July 14, 2023

Hello there, I feel as if this article is written for me as this is all happening with me. I live with a narcissist who has all these qualities and I am suffering in hell with him.

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Sueyen Henicke says July 13, 2023

Said truly tastefully.

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Mary Grosz says July 12, 2023

I have lived almost 50 years with him. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried suicidal attempts. I still am with him. My son both think as he does. I have given up leaving him and am so depressed when he gets down on me. I live each moment one moment at a time. My family thinks the reason I want to leave him is that I’m too self centered. They think it’s my fault.

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Patti Thiel says July 12, 2023

I walked away from a best friend friendship since 5th grade. It’s been 3 weeks I have no regrets. You have look the friend in the hear and know. As we challenged each other I knew she would always have to have the last word and told as much. I happy.

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Ruth says July 12, 2023

This information totally enlightens me. I just got back with a narcissist husband and I feel and see it all again. Resentment and frustrating 😑 I am always yearning for it to get better.

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Nicky says July 12, 2023

These comments are spot on
Thank you for making it all so clear I’ll bear all these in mind when tackling my opposition

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Terrie says July 11, 2023

My “best” friend of 34 years. I have finally let go because I’m tired of her fabricated reasons for being mad at me always because she thinks I don’t agree with her. Just some crazy excuse to get mad I guess. And now she has chosen a radical lifestyle that I don’t agree with. It’s been difficult to do. I’d thought maybe, but didn’t totally feel like she was a narcissist until I started reading more and more about it. 😔 Wow

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Anonymous says July 11, 2023

I know every single person’s situation is different.
But what advice would you give to a grown child who’s parent is a narcissist.

I believe it was the way my family was raised. Life trauma, and sometimes I get where they are coming from. Although always contradicting themselves!

As the child I dont know if I am in the wrong, I dont challenge much and get very emotional.

From outside perspectives people say its not fair, emotional bullying ect.
Its never a choice more of a demand and I do also see it, but I have been raised as a people pleaser & I get guilt tripped constantly.

I dont think I would ever really raise my feelings fully or cut my parent out of my life because no matter what I say my feelings are not heard & I live to close.

I really dont know what to do next. Counciling they want me to talk over with my parent but there is never any progress. Its not heard and makes zero difference.

I do think I hold a lot of resentment, but then I also do not want to seem ungrateful to the person that has raised me, fed me & kept a roof over my head.

Its a constant battle. I do not enjoy my life & with everything I do I get told I am making the wrong decisions in life & nothing is ever good enough.

I dont know how to live a happy life.

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Anonymous says July 9, 2023

My husband did the same I didn’t see it all until I turned 30 having 2 sons. It was all on me with their upbringing, he didn’t want me working . After my boys were older I went to work as a staff artist in screen company . I found out he put tap on phone line plus would stark me coming from work. He abused me verbally for 28 years when I left divorced, he hired someone to follow me when he couldn’t even threaten my life. He could never understand that I could be happy going to work each day, accusing me of seeing a man because I’d put on makeup dress to go to work. These narcissistic people treat you like nothing, he even told me in front of others.. what do you know you stay at home? Guess I finally showed him.

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Marie Thompson says July 9, 2023

As of June16 2022 I divorced a narcissist. I still seek counsel. There are many things I still do and react to, due to living with and being isolated away. The only voice I heard for days at a time. The last 5 years. He used covid to keep me isolated completely. I wanted to die. Im healing, but its a process.

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Cyndi says July 5, 2023

I love the perspective and how you wrote this. Thank you!

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Sharon says July 5, 2023

My step son is a text book Narc, I didn’t realise these people existed until he became nasty, threatening and abusive because he couldn’t control his father and our lives more… it has made our life hell.. he makes up lies and has made it his hobby to destroy us.. we have kept strong and had to let go… He is toxic beyond words; These information sites are so important and have helped us realise we where not going mad.Thank you x
It’s true they cannot change as they don’t see it is them. They are the destroyer of families they claim do not help them..

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    Anonymous says July 13, 2023

    Exactly what I experience with a daughter and son. Lies, gossip. I stand on God’s promises and truth…”I am your Defender and Vindicator.”

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      Anonymous says July 19, 2023

      Amen!

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Karen says July 3, 2023

I found this very helpful as to understanding my ex husband

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Teresa says July 2, 2023

I was married to a narcissist and my girlfriend saw it, but my grown children don’t see it and have taken his side. I miss my daughters. What can I do?

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    Kim Saeed says July 6, 2023

    Hi Teresa, it’s hard to say without knowing some of the history, such as whether they experienced the same abuse dynamics as you did, or whether they ever saw you being abused. Generally speaking, children (even grown children) do experience the same cognitive dissonance and trauma-bonding as we do. This is often why they side with the narcissist. Here’s a video I made about this: https://youtu.be/62_z9RLb0lY

    Kim

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      Deborah says July 31, 2023

      I have waisted 38 years with him and now he’s trying to turn my kids against me to, and it’s working. I can see it….what do I do..He hit me and they wanted me to ignore it He apologized , but is back to cussing me out as soon as he’s. Called out about something. I’m lost

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Catherine Freeman says July 2, 2023

What if the narcissist is your daughter and manipulate you with the grandson who is autistic

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    Kim Saeed says July 9, 2023

    Hi Catherine,

    Here is an article that my staff writer wrote on adult narcissistic children (she’s a licensed therapist): https://kimsaeed.com/2018/04/03/how-to-deal-with-adult-narcissistic-children/

    Hope it helps.

    Kim

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    Janet says December 13, 2023

    I’m in the same boat. My youngest, a woman of 50+, has managed to alienate all her siblings. She is very clever, has charming manners an extensive knowledge on many subjects, but in every argumentative encounter is the victim. Then the acid comes out. I love her, she is my baby, but sometimes it is difficult in her company to not say what l would like to say. Luckily, l don’t see her very often.

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Ges says July 2, 2023

What can I do if the narassist is a parent who has died and haunts me to this day?

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Nancy says June 30, 2023

I was married to narcissist for many yrs. I finally divorced him. It’s amazing how convincing he was, telling all the lies about me to all of my friends, my relatives & my neighbors
He even had drug dealers Rob my house for years convincing them that I never worked, when I worked all of my life. He is the best liar who ever walked on this earth. I know I will not see him in Heaven. He is remarried now and all I can say is, he is her problem now.

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Lisa says June 29, 2023

I’ve been with one for 30yrs….I can’t do it anymore..I’ve been beaten,demeaned and degreated..

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Kelly says June 28, 2023

Are there different types of narcissists? I’m lucky enough (ha ha) to have 2 in my life at the same time but I do see differences in their approaches and personal attacks. One is very overt and the other is like a sneaky bully that waits until no one else is around.

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Anonymous says June 26, 2023

LOL,
I love this, I completely understand now why mother-in-law hated me, I was everything she hated, the best part is she made me stronger because of it

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    Sonia Pederson says July 19, 2023

    Exactly the same here with my 2nd ex-Mother-In-Law!!

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Jan says June 25, 2023

I lived with 1 and married him, almost 5 yrs ago, I decided for me, I needed to live, now me and my kids are going ok!

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Alice Slinger says June 25, 2023

The woman he has an affair with sides with him and sees nothing wrong, is he treating her better

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    scubasabre says July 1, 2023

    Temporarily, it may seem like he is “treating her better” as he is not subjecting her to the “full strength” version of himself: At least on yet. You also have no idea how he framed the situation that she is supposedly agreeing with him about either. Regardless…. Run don’t walk in the other direction. Take it from me, life is so much better when you are out of their orbit.

    When I married my ex, I had a weird comment from his ex. Due to the kids, she and I wound up talking sometimes. When we got engaged she told me, you only think you know him but once your married you will realize he’s nothing like you thought. I dismissed her to my own peril. I suspect this woman will get shades of that at least and likely a similar situation to what I experienced: The full strength version of him.

    But run don’t walk to the lawyer’s office and get your ducks in a row. DON’T let him know until your lawyer is ready to pull the trigger with paperwork and you are ready because he will blow a gasket and you don’t want to be in range of the fall out (figuratively or literally). Be well!

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Lynn Allison says June 23, 2023

I’m going through a trauma at this very minute.I actually stood up for myself, since then , one minute he’s doing all the things he knows upsets me like going for a game of golf when he’s always back about 6pm but not coming home till 9pm. Waking me up in the mornings very early but reckoning he’s preparing the evening meal. Sitting on his phone for hours messaging ‘friends’ that he hasn’t got, then coming in with a framed photo of us together as a gift !!. All the while showing no love or commitment .. My family think he’s wonderful.

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Stephanie strelecki says June 21, 2023

My husband Michael who has past was a Narcissist I lived for years in pain and humiliation it wasn’t until he past away that I could actually help myself

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Allison Lisenby says June 18, 2023

Can A narcissist chang? I mean really change? What triggers people to become narcissist? How is it that they always find me? Do most narcissists drink or have drug related addictions?
My sister is one plus an alcoholic. She is 51. My brother is a habitual lier and always has been. He is 59. My daughter has a lot of narcissist traits but for whatever reason only uses them towards me. Y best friend of many hears turned into a covert narcissist. And I was in a text book relationship with the biggest gaslighting narcissist you could ever imagine. I’m not perfect by any means. But I NEVER deliberately try to hurt anyone. I do tend to be an in your face, “stop lying” kind of person. But unfortunately I want to see the good in people. I need help.

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Connie Helton says June 15, 2023

I was married to a narcissist for 55 years. He died 5 1/2 years ago. I realized after he died that we were both in love with the same person. I feel my whole life was a waste as I was blind to his faults and could only realize how much I enabled him to treat me so unkind after he died. My greatest regret is that I cannot confront him on this. He left me broke with a large mortgage and only my social security to live on. I am 83 and live with my daughter and her husband. I sold my home, paid off the mortgage and am enjoying my life to the fullest. I am 83 years old.

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Yolanda says June 15, 2023

OMG!!! This describes my ex husband! I shared this with our kids, who have always said he’s a narcissist. Now we can learn how ti deal with him. Thank you so much for this information.

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Jan Ricketson says June 14, 2023

My son is a narcissist and unfortunately his live in ‘baby mama’ girlfriend is 10 times more narcissistic than he is. I would love to walk away but I adore my grandsons ages 3 1/2 and 2 and worry so much about how this will affect them as they grow up so I stay closely connected with the whole family but I’d love nothing more than to take those boys and run from their parents as fast and as far as I can. My only hope is to be the positive influence in their lives so I see them almost every day. The 3 year old spends the night with me almost every Friday night and has told me on many occasions that he wants to live with me. My son and his girlfriends way of manipulating and controlling me is through the boys.

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    Jane says August 7, 2023

    I had the best relationship with my son and my Granddaughter, she stayed at our house every weekend from 7 months old. Then when she was 4 my Son met a narcissist from hell she is pure evil and turned my son against me, and stopped me from seeing my granddaughter, from what I can see because I said no to her, she was only seeing my son 12 weeks and she told me she will have more children with my son, she already has 2 children, well 2 years later another child with my son just like she said. My heart is broken being kept away from my granddaughter, nothing gets better, his girlfriend now fiancée ( which she organised), is her own boss, treats everyone terrible, has pa, shouts, screams, then on social media telling everyone what an amazing working mummy she is, total joke she pays everyone to do everything owes hundreds of thousands of pounds, in debt to the hill, but still going on holidays abroad, son thinks she walks on water but that’s because she has told him she does. He has totally broken my heart keeping me from my little princess. Hope it works out better for you xxx

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Jan Ricketson says June 14, 2023

My son is a narcissist and unfortunately his live in ‘baby mama’ girlfriend is 10 times more narcissistic than he is. I would love to walk away but I adore my grandsons ages 3 1/2 and 2 and worry so much about how this will affect them as they grow up so I stay closely connected with the whole family but I’d love nothing more than to take those boys and run from their parents as fast and as far as I can. My only hope is to be the positive influence in their lives so I see them almost every day. The 3 year old spends the night with me almost every Friday night and has told me on many occasions that he wants to live with me. My son and his girlfriends way of maniyand controlling me is through the boys.

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Heidi-Marie says June 12, 2023

I’ve learnt a lot here! I’m already wary of narcissts as they believe the whole world revolves around them.

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Faith says June 11, 2023

This story sounds exactly like my life. My son 19 is very traumatised from his experiences with a narcissistic father. So sad that this may be our story 20 years from now if the father doesn’t ask for forgiveness. His younger sisters have not been spared either. Many times I just want to walk out but I am afraid my children will suffer.

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K says June 11, 2023

Hi, I am a little reluctant to commenting, I know I’m married to a narcissist human being, you would not believe some of the things he has put me through and somehow it is my fault and I am the one that ends up taking blame and apologizing. I’m holding on and fighting for what little light I have left, he has destroyed me mentally and definitely spiritually and emotionally.. I do not know who I am anymore, i don’t know which way is left or right.. because I’m wrong either way. He belittles me and demeans me at the drop of a dime, then says he was joking, he has hacked my phone and plays head games with me there, he will literally erase something right in front of me and tell me I’m crazy, at first I was stronger, but as time went on, as he slowly took my everything from me, as he put me in a situation financially that I can not move, told me at first that he wanted me to quit my job, he wanted to be a father figure to my kids, as he pushed anyone out of my life( my sisters) I was raised in foster care since 6 and I aged out of the system and life hasn’t been a cake walk since, so when “ my knight” came along and said hey let me help I fell hard. Finally a breath of fresh air. I’ve been through enough, but this part of my journey is trying to break me.. I made a promise to my own kids that I will never ever abandon them like my parents did me. At least my babies will have me, the condition I am in mentally is not doing well for any of us. I HAVE to get back up for them, I HAVE to keep fighting for my light. But guys I’m stuck. I have nothing to start over, I have nowhere to seek refuge. I talk to God, I know His plans for me are good, I know he will turn this around for my good for His good. Having God and my babies keep me going. But I have to make a clean break. I know this will reach the right eyes and I know God would not put this on my heart to do for nothing. Its1:00 am and my spirit is stirring. I knew something was off but ignored the signs, I still feel in my gut it’s off. I never feel safe, my head is on a swivel. If I wasn’t crazy I sure feel like it now. He tells me he’s all I got.. and the only person to ever do for me.. believe me ANYTHING he does for me or my babies come with a hefty price.. you know how they say the devil can disguise himself as an angel of light. I feel like this is that. He is even starting to convince my babies I’m crazy.. his mom chimes in too, not sure if she is one too or just manipulated by him too. Guys please.. consult God, search my heart.. it’s wide open and haven’t put me out there like this.. I don’t have social media. I don’t have anything in my name.. he kicks me out of our home if I misbehave or say something he don’t like, he will swipe any money from the account.. has demolished my credit, ruined my rental history, then says good luck leaving. Like it’s a joke. Will hang up on me, turn the music on and up when I talk, HUMILIATE me in public, literally bring girls he’s seeing to the same places we are at, degrade me loudly and RIGHT IN FRONT of me look at her and smile! I can’t.. we got to figure out how to get out of this devils snare. Please pray over me and my babies, please tell me or help me get out. I need everything, I will be starting with nothing. Tell me something, point me somewhere. It’s me , my 6 babies, my dog and my cat. We all got to go and get some light and laughter and freakin love. My gmail is Karsaraboss@ gmail.com

That is my last name Boss.. well his will be immediately change once I can safely secure me and my babies.. the break has to be smart and set because his mom has money and will hire a lawyer to try to take my babies from me. They are my hope, my fight my light and pure love that don’t want to exploit me. I have to save them, my self while there’s still time.. while they are still young enough. Please tell your church so I can have prayer warriors on my side. To make us stronger to open doors for us. Anything is possible. This is my hope reaching out that God will touch the right heart/ hearts and they will listen, He will tell you what to do. Please listen. Love and admiration to the ones who made it out of the snare, your strength is admirable, you are so freakin strong to be able to get out and pick your broken pieces back up and be light still, not hardening your hearts still. You are the real soldiers and I’m trying to be like you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for opening your heart. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. I am not alone. I will rise up, I will keep my heart soft, I will be able to help one day. God bless… this is truly a battle for my soul and that of my babies. I’m reaching out.

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Ann says June 10, 2023

My son has always treated me bad. No presents no cards. Like he hates me. When he was little I spoiled him because his dad never took him for a visit. One time I tried to get him signed up for the Obama care. Got the lady online. We were at McDonald’s, he screamed, I am eating I won’t talk, I’m busy. Help!

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Faye says June 10, 2023

This is the best article on narcissism I’ve read

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    Kim Saeed says June 11, 2023

    I’m glad it resonated with you, Faye 🙂

    Kim

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Marja Steenbergen says June 8, 2023

You opened my eyes in this article and most of what I read I could see my own fight against narcissism and wasn’t aware of it for real!

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Nila De Cook says June 8, 2023

What do I do if the narcissist is my child, I can’t just leave, but in the same way she threatens me about never seeing the grandkids.

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Michelle Hernandez says June 4, 2023

I just left a 30 yr relationship with what I’m understanding is a narcissist!?! Unfortunately I’m still heartbroken and don’t know how to move on. I’m in a whole different state now tending to family matters. I’m also coming to the realization that this person has changed the person I once knew as kind wholesome and genuine. I’ve seemed to have concluded that I don’t care anymore about what people think or concern for anyone to incorporate me into their lives as once before. I simply don’t want anyone to intrude with my space or business of any kind. Inturn found that the more honest about what my intentions in life or anyone in it can take or leave it with no regard in my own life of who they are or what it has become to me! I’m thinking as toxic as the relationship I lived with!! I’ve turned to my spiritual perspective and sought for restoration and conciliation for myself to once again be everything I know to be whole and complete in myself ❤️. Giving up seems to close of a reality to me, and find this repulsive and disappointment to my calling and existence its shameful! May this website give me back some value that makes since. Thanks 🙏 for your service and look forward to reviewing your thoughts.

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Chris says June 4, 2023

Lots of twelve things I read about a narcissist sounds like my daughter but she was not always that way..what contributes to narcissism

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Anonymous says June 3, 2023

Very good, I didn’t know I was married to one

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Emily says May 27, 2023

what to do if the naccissist is a sibling.

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Jessica says May 27, 2023

I have been divorced from my narcissist husband for 7 years now. Life is much better. I wish I would have found something like this much sooner in my relationship when I met him at age 19 in church. I noticed these traits develop after about a year together but did not know at a young age people could be like this. I was so blessed to be surrounded by great people during my childhood, that I was naive and didn’t know what exactly I was seeing in my spouse and that it even had a name.
Please keep doing this good work. And educating more people on the dangers of narcissists and recognizing narcissistic traits in others.
It was the scariest but bravest thing I did to walk away.
If you are considering leaving your partner for these reasons, there is so much joy waiting on the other side. I wish I didn’t wait as long as I did. Please reach out to family and tell them what’s been going on.
Thank you again for sharing your wisdom. I hope this reaches all those that need to hear it. Let me know how I can help.

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Anonymous says May 25, 2023

Leaving is the best way to hurt them.
It’s actually so true. It’s but one fun feature of my very ill mother, but when she knew I was leaving, at her straight in a calm factual way about a few things. She saw I was strong, I always had been so she was always very bent on destroying this. As if it was a personal mission.
Things seemed to be more ” calm and normal whenever I was around for others in my home, a much needed break.
But when I first left, she actually was devastated, following me out to my car, finally. And asking me again, “So there’s nothing you need now from me? Your just going to move and leave? Now my father and I used to remind each other of we needed something, no matter what our how badly we needed it, never, NEVER ask mom, (his wife) as the price attached was too great a price to pay for the favor. We helped each other instead.
She, my mother when asking if there was anything left to help me with gushed in offering suddenly upon knowing I was really leaving. Money, assistance with things she thought I may need, anything.
I knew what she was doing.
I calmly turned down all offers. It felt great as I had her number.
Your dead on about everything you wrote.
Great advice!

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Carol says May 22, 2023

My son’s first girlfriend was not only a narcissist, but also was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, unknown to him at the time. When she saw that he was distancing himself from her, she played him. They now have a 3 year old son. Everything you stated here has happened with her. She has pulled him through nightmare after nightmare, including crashing her car with the little boy in the backseat. It was only by God’s protection that he is still alive! The judge finally saw through her a couple weeks ago and became her worst nightmare , implementing everything you stated above. My son has full physical and legal custody of his precious son, and she has 6 supervised hours once a week. Thank you for the article. Please keep exposing the narcissist agenda!

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    Kim Saeed says May 23, 2023

    I’m so glad to know your son finally got full custody, Carol! That’s wonderful news!

    Kim

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Anonymous says May 21, 2023

I was married for 46 yrs. When my husband passed I fell into a deep depression I stayed in my room just waiting to die for 4 yrs. A close friend finally talked me into going on a dating site where I met my 2nd. husband and my 2 daughters didn’t like him I sold my beautiful home and traveled with my new husband at my expense. He never paid for anything he was on disability and living in a shack actually he was still married to his 3rd. Wife but separated when we met he couldn’t effort to pay for the divorce he said so like an idiot I paid for it it’s been 4 yrs. and we have lived together maybe 3 months out of the 4 yrs. But I keep going back and paying for everything he needs and wants and then things go bad and I leave. He is very disrespectful and is addicted to porn he has never ever bought me anything but I caught him sending money to online hustlers to show him their private parts he has never apologized to me for hurting me when we got married I gave him a very expensive ring and he pawned it I got it out and he pawned it again he is an alcoholic aswell he has nothing to offer me. When we first met he was loving, caring, sweet I fell in love with him totally now he tells me that he loves me only if I tell him first he never gives me a hug never cuddles with me never cares to do anything with me or go anywhere with me he has never taken me on a date not once. He don’t even have intimacy anymore all he cares is that he gets satisfied when he wants it and I don’t matter. The only good thing I got from meeting him is meeting his family they are amazing people that actually warned me time and time again not to get involved with him because he was no good he physically abused his ex- wife’s and he was never going to change. He has terrible road rage that has almost gotten us hurt he has no respect for the law or for anyone for that matter he used to be a drug addict his father was a very abusive man he would beat his mom and when he would try to intervene he would beat him too so he threw him to the streets at the age of 11 yrs. Old he grew up on the streets he joined the navy and got thrown out he turned to drugs for 10 yrs. Now he’s a very angry verbally and emotionally abusive man. I love this man so much but I can’t do it anymore I have to love myself and save my sanity I have to finally walk away the thing is that I still want to have a relationship with my sisters in law we had a informal marriage so I think I have to file for a divorce. I need all the moral support I can get to help me walk away.

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    Emily says May 27, 2023

    move out,save ur kids.no love there.out.living with an animal sleeping next ro it.no.

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    Nicky says July 12, 2023

    You are clearly a good person he is not too many warning signs u should never associate with this creep ever again u deserve better

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    Melissa says July 24, 2023

    RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY NOW! You have to realize that you deserve better. Your a women of power and there is a better man out there for you. Would your first husband want a man treating you this way? I do not think so. Please get professional help if you need it. RUN away sooner than later. You deserve better and will get better.

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Donna says May 21, 2023

Hi there,I noticed you talked about being in a relationship,and how controlling,well this question is really about me sister and her granddaughter.My niece is fixing to turn 16 and my sister has raised her from birth,she was born a lot of disorders, one being her iq is only 59 but she has all of what your talking about towards her grandmother when she can’t do something she will not shut up,telling her she’s old,she’s a dumb bitch,and like you said she does things that no sane person in there right mind would dare at her age,I mean my sister is so beat down,everyday she has to be told she pretty she is,she tells her 5 year old brother g es ugly,but oh my goodness when he tells her that back she’s all over my sister to make him tell her he didn’t mean it she’s çrying real tears,I can’t stand to be around her she’s a bullie I will not put up with it I see what she’s doing.how does my sister deal with all this,from the time she wakes up till bed time she don’t shut up she never stops talking,in oklahoma there no help at all we have been every where in oklahoma not one place has helped,in fact they want her gone asap,

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Jonathan says May 20, 2023

I believe I’ve been living in this narrative and would like to know more

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Anonymous says May 17, 2023

This describes our son in law 100%. Our daughter is currently divorcing him after 8 years of hell, He is trying every which way to stop the process but our daughter now has the strength to follow through with her decision

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glenn says May 16, 2023

I came to this site , because I have never understood what a narcissist is or does, here is the weird thing , I have heard this word bantered about often and have wondered, but have never really understood just exactly what this word means. So for this reason I googled the definition to see if I fit the definition and I landed here, anyway I read through the “12 ways to make one miserable” , and from what I read , none of them make me “miserable.” I guess thats good news , yet , even though I dont see myself as a Narcissist, I think its possible to have tendencies , at least for me , to be one . Does this make sense ? I have mood swings , not because I dont get my way , my “way” is not all that important to me , yet for example , I have had some recent setbacks in my life , not tragic ones , but ones that have me thinking alot about my life , and I will be 70 this winter , and as I look back on my life over the years , I see regret and disappointment , and at times I get sad to the point that I shut out my wife , not wanting to talk about “things.” I just want to be left alone . an example of those “thing” , was my parenting “skills”. Without going into a lot of detail , I was an an overbearing/angry parent to my 3 kids , all of whom are grown . I found out recently , that my oldest son remembers phyiscal abuse I committed to him. I remember one incident where , when he was around 12 years old he took the fall for his younger brother who had urinated on the toilet seat . I grabbed him ( after I cleaned up the mess) by the back of the neck and held his face a couple of inches over the seat, and berated him . I am not proud of this , but it happened . However , this was not the only incident , but it is the only one I remembered until , my youngest son called me and asked if he could use ‘my abuse” in his testimony for something he was doing in church , he too has claimed I physically abused him as well , which I did not . So while we were on the phone , I asked him to give me an example of the physical abuse he was referring to , he hemmed and hawed for a bit , then told me how I grabbed his older brother by the neck and threw him against a wall, which I did not remember doing . My younger son moved back to colorado about 7 -9 years ago , and when he did , called me and asked me to meet him at a national park to talk about my abuse of him . We met , I listened to him tell me how it affected him , it hurt to hear these things he shared , but they were things that in my mind and heart never happened , but I listened just the same and could tell he was struggling , so I embraced him asked him to forgive me , that I was sorry for the pain I caused him. Fast forward to today , I thought it was forgiven and we had moved on , but that was not the case , but the abuse he referred to was never physical , but rather emotional , but still abuse. But what I dont like is , he has told others and now wants to put it in writing , that it was physical. This is why I asked him for an example. When I spoke to my oldest son a couple of weeks later , he told me “Tom” was never abused physically by me . So I asked him about the incident that his younger brother used for his “example” , whether it was true or not , his answer stunned me. He said . “Dad , do you want the truth ?’ I said absolutely I do , he then confirmed what my youngest son told me , then shared other examples of physical abuse . I asked him to forgive me , that I was sorry for traumatizing him . He asked if we could meet and talk about those things, I said yes and we met a couple of weeks later . As I sat there and listened , it was devastating to hear what a jerk I was to my kids , how I treated them. My son is 35 years old , a beautiful son , and responsible , he has 3 kids and a beautiful wife . finally he told me something I had promised myself years ago , and yet failed at , he said , ” Dad , I promised myself I would never be like you .” He succeded , I failed miserably. Sorry about this being so long winded , I dont know how to be short and to the point. But I am grieved in my heart , and just was wanted to share this. I welcome any comments , good or bad . I am re thinking everything . Thank you for reading this.

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    Anonymous says May 31, 2023

    I too am going through the same thing with my daughter but I remember everything I did. I did seek council while they were younger as I knew my angry was coming from somewhere else and not what they did. It helped but not always. Tho I tried talking with my husband he wasn’t there emotionally and passed it off. I know God has forgiven me but 16 yrs later I can’t forgive myself.
    Hurt people hurt others but I thank God everyday. We have to always work on it and be honest with our children. Ask for forgiveness and forgive those who hurt you.

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Carla says May 16, 2023

I am 60. My mother is a child molester, narc mental and physical abuser, 85 and still grabs my boobs in public. I have gone no contact since dec 23rd 2022. She keeps sending the cops to my apt for welfare check. I give no comments to cops. I’m terminally ill and she accuses me of starving myself screaming into the phone as my disease has taken over 80 lbs over four yrs. So why did I feel guilty on mother’s day?

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    Renee Jansen says May 22, 2023

    Hi Glenn, I read your comment with interest and I admire your courage in posting it. I’m now in my 70’s too and it seems to be an age when we reflect on our lives and our mistakes and failures. I was brought up by a narcissistic father and a mother who was a control demon and addicted to drugs and alcohol. My father passed away last year and in his final two years he lived in a retirement home not far from me, so I could visit him nearly every day instead of living a 4 hour drive away. Now I’m not saying that you are a narcissist in this at all. My father was, and all I ever wanted from him was his love and approval. His way of dealing with that was to leave everything to me in his will. But material things don’t make up for the sense of abandonment and rejection i experienced all my life. I am so encouraged by your story knowing that there is someone who can address these issues and face the people who believe they have been wronged by you. I’m not going to judge their perspectives but I do want to say how grateful I am to you for your courage and how much I respect your taking responsibility for your actions. I’m no expert but it seems to me that you are no narcissist simply by virtue of the fact that you can face up to your part in the family dynamics. I also note your dilemma when you have no memory of some things. I can understand that. Only you and perhaps a therapist can get to the bottom of it. Anyway I think we all have a peppering of narcissistic traits in us and sometimes these traits help us to survive. I wish you all the best and I don’t like to think you are burdened by the issues you have described. I don’t know what you can do about the actions of your sons but people will do what they will do. You have tried to make amends and ultimately you only now have to answer to yourself. God bless,….

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Kathy says May 15, 2023

What if it’s your son? I have let him go for 3 years now. Was that the right thing to do?

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    Kim Saeed says May 19, 2023

    Hi Kathy,

    Without knowing anything about your history together, I will say that if he was abusive towards you, you made the right choice. Sometimes, parents have no choice but to cut ties because not doing so can be utterly devastating. (I’m assuming he’s an adult now).

    Kim

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Anonymous says May 14, 2023

Too bad the narcissist is a student that I can’t just walk away from in the classroom. The whole class suffers because of the outbursts and attention-seeking behaviors.

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Kallie says May 13, 2023

This is my coworker! She use to be a “friend” until I got older and realized that she is nothing but a manipulator and will go to extremes to destroy a person just to make herself look innocent. I work for a small medical practice and she currently has manipulated the newest employee to do all of her dirty work. I love my job and have been there for 13 years but I have seen this individual get fired from our office after year 1 for all of the reasons listed above. I was then stupid enough (Being caught in her tangled web) to suggest her be rehired after 10+ years had passed because I thought it was only a temporary position. Little did I know that she will end up being a full time employee again going on over 2 years now. She has made everyone’s life in the office living HELL and because my employer doesn’t see or hear all of the horrible things she does in and outside of the office our concerns are disregarded. I know exactly how to handle her in my personal life because I have cut her out of it. She also knows where she stands with me at work and rarely engages with me (it a good thing) but the rest of our staff have to come to work everyday living in hell because of her! She will go to any measure to make sure she is in control including lie, cheat, steal and verbally abuse and manipulate my coworkers and at this moment she is winning. It’s so horrible to have to go to work and deal with her everyday but I don’t know what to do to prove to my employer how sick she is!

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    Anonymous says May 17, 2023

    Get all the workers to walk out of the practice and see how she copes on her own .Your boss will see her for what she is

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Catarina says May 13, 2023

A close friend lived with a narcissist for 15 years. They got married, and had 2 beautiful young daughters together. In the end, he couldn’t take it any more and committed suicide.

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Elisa says May 13, 2023

Read this with great interest because I am presently struggling with my 32 y.o. daughter who exhibits many of these traits. Managing to put some distance between us but not without a lot of guilt. She is currently trying to get me to agree to let her move into a newly renovated guesthouse on my property. This after providing several thousand dollars to make sure she has a safe place to live. I have worked very hard for over 50 yrs and just recently retired but do not have enough to provide financial support indefinitely. She is aware of this and more than likely why she wants to move because she has to figure out how to support herself and get a job. Thank you for the guidance, hopefully will hold firm on my decision to enjoy this well earned part of my life without the drama and chaos that she brings.

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    Ann says May 17, 2023

    Elisa, please, under any circumstance do NOT let your daughter move into your guest house. She is obviously leeching from you. As you’ve already given her thousands of $ previously, she sees you as a soft target.

    I can guarantee that if you let her move in, she’ll continue to use you. She’ll empty your fridge, and expect you to keep it stocked. Then be abusive towards you if you don’t have her favourite food. She’ll expect you to pay for her power, phone, car expenses, petrol, clothes, entertainment / nights out.

    You need to realise that her demands / leeching from you is only going to escalate, until there is nothing left of you, emotionally, psychologically and financially. You’ve worked hard, and sooo deserve to live in comfort and peace, and enjoy the fruits of YOUR labour.

    With narcissists, it never ends. I was ‘groomed’ by a narcissistic father from the day I was born. It only dawned on me when I was 51 (I wish the internet was available 40 years ago), when he became hostile and vindictive and instigated a vile smear campaign). I did a lot of research online, and realised he was a textbook covert malignant narcissist. When he went into aged care, it was left to me to clean out his severely hoarded house, which took me 7 months.

    His house and car was sold, and the day the funds went into his account, was the day he told me to my face that he was taking me out of his will. I’m of the ‘old school’ and kept all paper receipts and a personal hand written account book of the expenses I incurred during those 7+ months (numerous skip bins, cleaning and gardening contractors etc).

    From my 1st day at work at 17, I saved hard towards my dream of owning my own home. At 28 and still single, I bought my home. I solely managed my mortgage on an average wage and paid it off in full, well inside the 20 year term. I did finally meet Mr Right, and we bought our forever home together 27 years ago.

    Please guard any financial and banking documents with your life. If need be, a safety deposit box is a good idea. As a last resort, maybe change your accounts to a different bank. A password on your phone is also a safe option. I’m not meaning to alarm you, but narcissists will go to unimaginable lengths to get what they want.

    Above all, protect and guard your mental health. Confide in your close friends and family for support. I’m speaking from experience, as I’m still on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication a decade after my father’s abuse.

    Sincerely wishing you a long and happy retirement without any chaos or drama, xoxo

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    Anonymous says May 17, 2023

    Just say No and walk away

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Susan says May 13, 2023

My husband’s brother ticks all these boxes. He has turned my husband’s father against us (sadly very easily, by playing on all his prejudices and knowing all the right things to say). Maybe for inheritance or maybe just for something to do, or a perceived slight. We are ignoring him and hopefully wont be sucked into his charm and forceful personality ever again, but my husband has lost his father and feels like his mum is starting to forget what the brother is really like too, under a strong charm offensive.
How can we deal with this? Is there any way we can break his hold over the family? We are hoping he won’t be able to control his angry irrationality for much longer and the mask will slip but he is currently getting his own way so who knows how long he will continue his hold over everyone.

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Fontilla says May 12, 2023

This is so correct, I after 37 years left him I became the worst woman in the world. When I left i left everything but my fur baby. And have not returned, he still calls me trying to get me to come back it’s been 5 years now

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Maria Cruz says May 12, 2023

My concern with this narcissist is how my great-granddaughter may be suffering and what danger she may be in. She is going to be 13 in a couple of months. and we have been tested and made to feel horrible, but we have managed, but it appears that not even her daughter is immune to the ways of narcissism. Her mother’s decisions actually hurt her precious heart but she is afraid of the consequences if she fights back. I want to see if we can take her to court before she destroys my great granddaughter but there doesn’t appear a way to do that.

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Hannah says May 11, 2023

I’m in love with a narcissist and I can’t get over it or snap out of it is there any way I can make him realize and go get help I genuinely love him…

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    Kim Saeed says May 29, 2023

    Hi Hannah,

    This video I made a while back might be helpful: https://youtu.be/1CaGAECHOr8

    Kim

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    Lorraine Basden says June 2, 2023

    Hi. That is a resounding NO! He will continue with narcissistic mind games until you either leave or lose your self in his degradation
    RUN!

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Sara G says May 11, 2023

I walked away from my relationship with my mother (and consequently my father) when I had my own children because she is a textbook narcissists. I completely ignored her. She did everything this article describes. Called me names, threats, pretended like nothing had happened, made up lies. It was sad to watch her spiral, but me and my family are better for it! At least my in-laws rock!!!

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Vanessa says May 11, 2023

It was all true!! Im already in the process of letting him goo for 10 yrs my life was really miserable.

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Kristie says May 9, 2023

I dated a narcissist for four years and he moved in with my son and I two years ago. I finally couldn’t take it any longer. I’ve tried to get him out of my home since February of this year. The law is not on my side. The grown man is living in my living room surrounded by his belongings not paying a dime in 5 months. I’ve started the eviction process only to find out today that I have to start all over. I’ve contacted his family and friends no one will take him because he has lied to them over the years. Reading this article there are so many moments that I questioned myself but after reading bring clarity to the situation.

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2023

    Hi Kristie. Yes, I found out, too, that in order to make them leave, the eviction process is usually the way to go. But it depends on state laws, too, so can be tricky sometimes. I truly wish you all the best as you continue with your mission.

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Al says May 9, 2023

Every point describes my father who’s 93. He’s a control freak, every conversation turns into him complimenting himself!!! He’s condescending about his so called friends & family; little do they know. How he does it day in & day out I don’t know. He throws tantrums over trivial things . Because I wouldn’t stand for some of his bad behaviour and took him to task for it, he resents me he even told my Mum he researched how he could kill his own child! I locked my room door after that. When I was asked to upload my artwork for acceptance into a special program, he destroyed all except one piece, guess what? He tells everyone I gave him that “spared” painting, I didn’t. He stole all my jewelry, I have to lock the rest of my valuables away. Up to five years ago he bought Italian slim fit designer suits! He’s even bought bespoke Saville row suits before; I wonder where that money came from as my Mum was the earner. Annoyingly people constantly compliment him on his attire, sometimes I pipe up asking them to stop as it encourages him & I’m afraid of how the bills will be paid! My Mum wanted a new kitchen, so my brother & I really gave her a beautiful kitchen; when it was time for them to move back in, he immediately, the same day banged the sofa legs into the newly laid wood floors to dent them (unprovoked just decided to destroy them); then over the next month he rewired & moved most of the outlets/receptacles destroying the newly plastered walls. We had sound proofed all but one bedroom so he moved his speakers against that wall & 3 years later still blasts his music so we can’t sleep; his excuse “it’s my house, I can do whatever I want, don’t treat me like a cur”. Guess what, I’m typing this at 1:40am & he just started blasting music! He deletes tv shows if he didn’t save them or cancels upcoming airings. If he’s being counseled he feigns sleeping. Yes he still has all his mental faculties; which is a blessing. Sometimes he seems to be changing usually takes about 3 days before he finds a way to be annoying & get under your skin. I had vein treatment and was asked to exercise/jog/brisk walk as part of the treatment so he covered the elliptical and said I wasn’t allowed to moved his boxes off of it. My sister moved them on one of her visits & a few days after she left he put them back on! He has rarely put garbage in the garbage bin & has never been seen to take out the garbage, of course he’s old now, but my whole life he’s expected others to pick up after him. If we’re expecting guests he smears jam or peanut butter or leaves crumbs on the countertops; he’s even poured cooking oil on the marble by the stove top, it leaked into the lower cabinets of course. There are worse incidents I won’t mention & as for my poor Mum…that’s her story to tell. I was told by a non expert it’s narcissism, but it’s a relief to hear from an expert that it really is. He’s my dad, so I’m not going to retaliate or be unkind to him, however, I can use these tools to know how to react or not react. Thank you for your insight.

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Lizeh says May 9, 2023

My daughter uses the word that I’m narcissist but in fact she is and I’m very sad about it .need help

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Vee says May 8, 2023

I despise a narcissist person. They are pure evil. I got away from my narcissistic partner and his life has been bad luck every since.

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Marie Lindsay says May 8, 2023

How can I prove that’s person is a nassicssic and bring a case back to court

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2023

    Hi Marie. In my experience, it’s not about proving they’re a narcissist, but proving emotional abuse and distress. Have lots of documentation with dates at the ready. Any emails from them that prove harassment or threats. Any past records from arrests, etc. It also depends on the focus of your case. If you’re trying to prove emotional abuse and how it’s affected your life, you would likely need your therapy records and dates you’ve had to be admitted to the hospital/clinic for health reasons (if applicable). Hope that helps!

    Kim

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Krah Mohammed Hussein says May 7, 2023

Very educative

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Brenda says May 7, 2023

Lived with this person 36 years and finally learned the key to getting some peace from his temper tantrums was to not respond to anything he says. Refuse to fuel his ego or need for authority. My weapon is to remind him of possible public humiliation. To let him think that I am the insane one and refuse to be controlled. Since this I have less 😩 stress

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Nurah Figland says May 6, 2023

For a year i was with someone like this, i lost all contact with family nd friends, i was never allowed anywhere without him or his consent, no social media and if photos were taken he would try to outshine me. He came to my work demanding me to take a break cause he was there and if i didnt he carried me out of the building and swore at my bosses and i had to leave my job- i challenged him and he hit me so that was the strength i needed tp leave him for good, its best to leave when they are not present and also to avoid bringing the police if they are, avoid all contact since they reply to their own messages. When you out and they realize you too strong for them then they move on but still try to see if you willing to take them back

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Lu Lu says May 5, 2023

Wow so true your words so helpful

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Dorothy says May 4, 2023

Have been married To one for 54 yr. This month. He is a womanizer, and had an affair for 2 yr. We r separated now, just found out he is seeing another woman. I am physically and mentally worn out. He had ruined my health. I have pacemaker because heart stayed n A/fib from stress. I am trying to get my life back, I am finally through with him.

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Helen says May 4, 2023

Thank you. You have made the world a difference.

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2023

    Thank you, Helen. xo

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Lisa in Alaska says May 3, 2023

Whew! Wow! I have a sisyin law..38 years i’ve been the dog she kicks. Terrible to her daughter. Bless daughters heart she choose to block her out of her and her children’s life.. i now know i have been a pawn in her twisted game. This article brought to light what my husband says.. there is no pill for mean

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Jodie says May 3, 2023

I have a narcissist who practices witchcraft and hypnosis. How do I break free from her

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JANICEJUPITER says May 2, 2023

I AM CURRENTLY MARRIED TO A YOU ARE SPOT ON WITH EVERYTHING . THANKS FOR SHARING

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Isabel Salas says April 30, 2023

I am the mother of a narcissist who is currently incarcerated for his narcissistic actions. I want help for my family on how to deal with him and I don’t want them to be afraid when he gets out in September of this year. I have seen his letters and I know that he has not changed and things are more then likely going to be the same. I am also concerned for my grandchildren because he has shown that they are not his top priority. There safety is a huge fear for me because his girlfriend is planning on going right back to him and she is not very protecting of the children. I have prayed every day for him to get help for his narcissistic behavior so that he may be a better person when he gets out but he got mad when I tried telling him and now he’s disowned me again and makes threats in letters alongs with rude comments. Im tired and at the end of my ropes with his hatefulness despite everything that I’ve done to help him. I don’t want my family to suffer from his narcissist behavior. I love him dearly and I just want him to get better, realize how he’s hurt so many people who love him and start being the good person I know he can be someday. Or am I wishing for a miracle that probably will never happen? Please, if there is any help you can give, my family and I will be truly thankful.

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Cherlyn says April 29, 2023

I lived with a narcissist for two months after he swept me off my feet. I moved in with him and as your information is told it is the truth. My narcissist went as far as asking me to marry him and bought me a ring. I have boundaries and a six year old that I was not willing to sacrifice this type of relationship in front of him and I was hurt so badly but I was strong and walked away from this environment and never looked back. It was terrible and terrifying.

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Patricia says April 28, 2023

I’ve been married 23 years to a narcissist. He is now dying, and has dementia. I can’t leave him at 65. I would have nowhere to go. I am handicapped from a bad horse accident. I don’t make enough disability SS to live anywhere and I can’t keep work, because I’m slow and have trouble walking. I just started ignoring him, and take care of everything on my own, without acknowledging his bad behavior. This is probably about the best I can do. If I put him in assisted living, I’ll loose my house and would have no way to make it financially. I stay really busy with hobbies and church, but I’m sad a lot. I’ve been told he probably want live more that 10 year’s and he’s in his 7th year. I don’t wish him dead, but just trying to take one day at a time. Thx for the opportunity to get some advice.

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Charles says April 28, 2023

Any tips for when the narcissist is your MOTHER? Makes family life pretty hard.

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2023

    Hi Charles,

    I created a video that helps answer this question: https://youtu.be/f-lbaI0FNQA

    Wishing you all the best. Thank you for stopping by. xo

    Kim

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    Carla says May 16, 2023

    Mine has been since I was in diapers. My Daddy was not allowed to have any hobbies. He made hand turned furniture, played the violin, piano, organ and accordion. Loved his CB radio. She shut them all down. Smashed my music LPs, ripped my books ordered with my own babysitting money from school, cut my long hair off, NO friends in the house ever. Insisted in enemas for menstruation pain. I was 11. No movies. No malls. No friends. My parents had no friends at all my whole childhood. I went to a foster home at 13. Girl’s boarding home at 15. Emancipated at 16. Married at 17. Married or lived with five more after that. In counselling since 11. PTSD. MEDS. I can’t seem to find my worth. She took it all away.

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Sandra C Ramos says April 27, 2023

Do these same statistics pertain to a very close family member also, not just people in a relationship or someone you are or were married to? I’m referring to a sister I was very close to when we were young and now for the past few years she has done nothing but belittle me or make me feel like she’s much better than I am and how I resent these feelings coming from her. Every time I used to bring it up to her she totally turns the story around to make me feel so unjust! I’m four years older than her and her birthday just passed. I bought her a gift card with a beautiful birthday card and changed my mind about giving it to her because I didn’t like the way she sort of told me off on the phone about something. She hasn’t called and is probably waiting for me to call her but she has pulled this stunt before and I know she gets fumingly mad hoping I call but she’ll call me in a few weeks and pretend nothing is wrong just to win me over again! Not this time! I’m out of the entire situation and nothing is going to make me go back! I’m doing what all of her longtime friends did and backing away just like them….such a shame for such an unempathetic person!

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Anonymous says April 25, 2023

After almost 30 years of marriage and 6 children I had to leave this toxic situation. My grown adult kids tell me, “dad says only good things about you”. Also, “dad told us all of the bad things he did to cause the divorce”. I didn’t realize he didn’t really tell them everything, a comment came up and i answered who? Your dad? And my daughter said, “ you really ought to think before you puke sh— out of your mouth. Which is how their dad talked to me. My point is, I couldn’t figure out why he would take full blame for our failed marriage and two, he obviously didn’t tell them or “confess” all of his wrong doings to them. Which is why I mentioned their dad in the conversation. Then I became the bad guy again b/c I was not going to “out “ him. Loooooong story.

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Lilly says April 24, 2023

Your words and views are spot on.

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April says April 24, 2023

Thank you for this article. It’s a shame that narcissists aren’t aware of the damage they cause. Not only are they missing out, but they’re trying to keep others from living their fullest lives. We love them only because they’re family members, and wouldn’t choose them as friends, so why endure it another minute? It’s not always easy but the spell can be broken. We deserve better.

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Debbie says April 22, 2023

What do you do when the narcissist is your 41 year old son. Who curses you

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2023

    Hi Debbie,

    I created a video that helps answer this question: https://youtu.be/f-lbaI0FNQA

    Wishing you all the best. Thank you for stopping by. xo

    Kim

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Soumya says April 21, 2023

Thank you for this post. The point you make about kids at play is interesting to me. As a parent, I have learnt that little kids go through a phase when they themselves are the center of the world. I worry though about what early parental influences or behaviours foster the development of a narcissist. I see that with many parents, the pendulum has swung the other way in terms of setting boundaries and there seems to be scarce literature or discussion on how to identify and possibly discourage development of narcissistic traits in a child.

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    Kim Saeed says May 9, 2023

    It’s not only the home environment that influences the development of narcissism. Some children have near-ideal childhoods, yet still grow up to be narcissistic/psychopathic. It’s also not good to be so concerned about a child developing narcissism that their childhood becomes rife with strict rules and punishments because this will cause life-long issues. There are a lot of good sources for responsive parenting that help children feel loved and valued, and these approaches are child-centered, which is how all children should grow up. Think about it this way…a child goes through the living room and accidentally knocks over someone’s drink. The child might be spanked and sent to their room or punished in some way for a genuine mistake. However, if an adult walks through and knocks over a drink, everyone rushes to help them clean it up, saying it’s not a problem…it was just an accident, after all. We fail our children with such double-standards.

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Peggy says April 20, 2023

I see some of these traits in my 32 year old daughter that still lives at home. Not all, but a lot. Any suggestions when they are your adult child?

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Anonymous says April 20, 2023

How to leave a narcissist when he threatens to take away kids or suggests he has guns?

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    Kim Saeed says May 9, 2023

    I’d first alert the authorities that he is threatening your and your children’s lives. Get a restraining order and get yourselves to safety.

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Patsy says April 19, 2023

Wow! Went thru something last week with this type of person my husband. 30 some years and he still doing the same thing. Cheating, lying, trying to make everyone think he is holy, go to a church I do mot beleive in. It’s a mess. Working my way through. Its craxy.

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Wendy says April 18, 2023

I worked with a narcissist. Terrible person! Always downplayed times she was acting horribly. She gated when I called her out and defended myself and other colleagues.

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Connie says April 17, 2023

I was engaged to a Narcissist for 7 years. Every point you make is spot on! I only wish I realized it sooner. I got out of the relationship 3 years ago. Saw a therapist first, to validate my feelings. I secretly packed up and left. I knew if I didn’t he would manipulate me into staying. After I left, my family and friends told me how much they hated how he controlled and spoke down to me. I’m a very strong person, who never needed a man to support me. I can’t believe I let someone like that into my life. If you see yourself in the article, get out! They will never change!

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