just meh

7 Signs Your New Partner Thinks You’re Just Meh

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In the ever-evolving landscape of modern romance, we’ve all encountered those elusive individuals perpetually in pursuit of the next best thing, seemingly unable to recognize the worth of their current dating companions. It’s a frustrating scenario, leaving you questioning whether you’re truly valued or merely a temporary placeholder until something seemingly better comes along.  The irony, however, lies in the fact that often, it’s these elusive partners who are, in reality, the ones deserving of the “just meh” label.

In this article, we delve into the subtle yet telling signs that your new dating partner might not be taking your relationship as seriously as you are. If you’ve ever felt like your connection is hanging in the balance, or that your partner might believe they can do better, read on for seven revealing indications that you may be dealing with someone who sees you as just another “meh” in the world of dating.

Relationship Red Flags: Recognizing Meh Moments

1. Flirting with Others: Crossing Boundaries

One glaring red flag is when your partner consistently flirts with other people in your presence or behind your back. This behavior goes beyond harmless banter and indicates a lack of respect for the exclusivity of your relationship.

In any relationship, boundaries serve as the invisible yet crucial guidelines that define the exclusivity and commitment between partners. When these boundaries are breached, especially through the act of flirting with others, it raises significant concerns about the partner’s investment in the relationship.

Signs to Look For:

  • Excessive Playfulness: Playful banter is a normal part of social interactions, but when it becomes excessive and extends beyond the comfort zone of your relationship, it may signal a lack of consideration for your feelings.
  • Inappropriately Timed Compliments: If your partner consistently compliments others in a way that goes beyond friendly gestures, especially in intimate settings, it suggests a lack of awareness or disregard for the emotional impact on you.
  • Digital Flirting: In today’s digital age, flirting can extend to online platforms. If your partner engages in flirtatious conversations, likes, or comments on others’ social media posts in a way that goes beyond friendly interaction, it’s a clear breach of the commitment you expect in your relationship.

Flirting with others erodes the foundation of trust within your relationship. Trust is a delicate element that, once compromised, can lead to lasting damage.

2. Social Media Slip-ups: Liking More Than Just the View

When your partner excessively likes someone else’s selfies, especially those of their preferred gender, it’s a subtle but significant sign. These digital gestures can reveal where their attention and interests lie, potentially signaling that they are exploring other options. It can also unveil subtle hints about their sentiments and priorities.

Signs to Look For:

  • Excessive “Likes”: If your partner is consistently “liking” someone’s selfies on a social media app, particularly those of their preferred orientation, it may indicate a burgeoning interest or admiration beyond the casual act of appreciating a photo.
  • Selective Attention: Pay attention to whose posts they engage with the most. If a particular individual’s content consistently garners their attention, it suggests a heightened interest that goes beyond the realm of friendly acknowledgment.
  • Pattern of Engagement: Establishing whether this liking behavior is an isolated incident or part of a consistent pattern can be crucial. A repetitive liking pattern suggests a sustained interest that may be cause for concern.

Excessive engagement with someone else’s content can create a sense of emotional distance within your relationship. It indicates a diversion of attention and emotional energy that should ideally be directed towards your partnership.

THRIVE program3. Online Dating Dilemma: The Active Profile Predicament

Discovering that your partner still maintains an active online dating profile is a clear indication that they are not fully committed to the exclusivity of your relationship. It’s a stark reminder that they may be keeping their options open for someone they perceive as a better match.

Signs to Look For:

  • Profile Activity: Regularly updated profiles, frequent logins, or changes to profile information are clear indicators that your partner is actively using the online dating platform. This suggests a reluctance to fully commit to the exclusivity of your relationship.
  • Recent Connections: If your partner has recently connected with new individuals on the platform or has been engaging in ongoing conversations, it implies an ongoing exploration of potential matches, undermining the sense of exclusivity within your relationship.
  • Hidden Profiles: Concealing the existence of an online dating profile or being hesitant to discuss it may point towards a lack of transparency and an effort to maintain a backup option.

While it’s not realistic to expect exclusivity after going on one or two dates with someone, it’s also important to note that if they, at some point, give the illusion that you’re exclusive, yet still have an active dating profile, it’s generally not a good sign.

The discovery of an active online dating profile can erode trust within your relationship. Trust is a cornerstone of a healthy connection, and any breach can have lasting consequences.

4. Overlapping Intimacies: Sleeping Around

Perhaps one of the most blatant signs is finding out that your partner is still physically involved with someone else. Intimacy is a sacred aspect of any romantic relationship, and the betrayal of this trust through physical connections with someone else is a grave breach. Discovering that your partner is still engaging in physical relationships with others is a stark revelation that demands immediate attention and consideration.

Signs to Look For:

  • Discovery of Infidelity: This sign is often marked by the revelation of your partner’s physical involvement with someone else, which may come to light through direct admission, accidental discovery, or, in some cases, suspicious behaviors.
  • Lack of Transparency: If your partner is intentionally keeping their physical connections a secret or avoiding discussions about their recent activities, it suggests a deliberate attempt to hide their actions.
  • Sudden Behavioral Changes: Unexplained changes in your partner’s behavior, such as increased secrecy, emotional distance, or changes in intimacy patterns within your relationship, may indicate external factors affecting your connection.

Unless you’ve both agreed to an open relationship, physical infidelity shatters the core of trust in a partnership.  Discovering that your partner is still sleeping with someone else can result in intense emotional turmoil, leading to feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, and confusion. 

This isn’t something that generally gets resolved but is more an indicator that you’ve gotten involved with someone who will probably never take you or your relationship seriously.

narcissistic triangulation
5. Emotional Infidelity: Sharing Too Much with Someone Else

Emotional intimacy forms the backbone of a strong relationship, and when one partner begins sharing deep thoughts and feelings with someone outside of the relationship, it raises significant concerns about the emotional fidelity within the partnership.

Signs to Look For:

  • Excessive Emotional Sharing: If your partner consistently shares personal and intimate details of their life, thoughts, and feelings with someone else, it may indicate a level of emotional intimacy that should be reserved for the relationship.
  • Frequent Communication: A sudden increase in communication with another person, especially involving emotional content, suggests a deepening connection that may be diverting emotional energy away from the primary relationship.
  • Secrecy or Avoidance: If your partner becomes secretive about their interactions with this individual or actively avoids discussing their relationship with them, it could signify a conscious effort to keep their emotional connection hidden.

Emotional infidelity can lead to a gradual deterioration of the emotional bond between you and your partner. The trust and intimacy that form the foundation of a relationship may suffer as a result.

6. Excessive Compliments: Praising Others inappropriately

A subtle yet revealing sign is when your partner showers someone of their sexual orientation with grand compliments about their appearance. This behavior suggests a lack of discretion and raises doubts about their commitment to your relationship.

Signs to Look For:

  • Inappropriate Intensity: Grand and overly affectionate compliments about someone else’s appearance, beyond what is deemed socially acceptable or appropriate, may indicate a level of admiration that extends beyond the bounds of casual appreciation.
  • Frequency of Compliments: If your partner consistently showers a particular individual with compliments, it suggests a pattern of behavior that goes beyond the occasional friendly remark.
  • Lack of Discretion: Complimenting someone in a way that lacks discretion or awareness of your presence can be a red flag. It may suggest a disregard for your feelings and an inappropriate level of interest in the other person.

Excessive compliments directed towards someone else can erode your self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy or questioning your partner’s satisfaction within the relationship. Further, this is a common behavior of emotional manipulators and abusers.

7. Consuming Explicit Content: A Shift in Interests

If your partner suddenly develops an increased interest in explicit content, it might signal a change in their desires and preferences. This shift could indicate dissatisfaction within the relationship or a wandering eye that’s exploring new avenues.

Signs to Look For:

  • Sudden Change in Media Consumption: If your partner undergoes a noticeable change in their media consumption habits, such as an increased focus on explicit content, it may suggest a shift in their preferences and desires.  It may also simply be part of their normal behaviors that you didn’t pick up on before. 
  • Secrecy or Denial: If your partner is secretive about their consumption of explicit content or exhibits signs of denial when the topic is brought up, it could indicate that they are making justifications for this sort of behavior.  This is usually apparent when they make statements such as, “Everyone does it”, “It’s not a big deal, it’s better than me cheating on you in real life”, “You’ve gained weight and I have to do something to keep my sex drive active”, and other such blithe retorts. 
  • Diminished Interest in Intimate Connection: A significant increase in the consumption of explicit content, especially at the expense of shared intimate moments within the relationship, may signal a diversion of interest and emotional energy.

A focus on explicit content usually creates a strain on the intimate aspects of your relationship. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, dissatisfaction, or a sense of emotional disconnection.

As a relationship coach of 13+ years, I’ve not encountered a situation where someone who engages in this type of behavior has plans to stop.  Therefore, it’s important that you make your plans for your future accordingly.


In the nuanced dynamics of love, recognizing the signs that your partner might see you as just “meh” is crucial for your emotional well-being. While every relationship is unique, open communication and honesty are the cornerstones of a healthy connection.

If you find yourself resonating with these signs, it may be time to assess the state of your relationship and have a candid conversation about expectations, boundaries, and commitment. If they can’t offer you what you need to feel emotionally safe, or they hide these ongoing behaviors, this tells you everything you need to know about their intentions and character.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who sees your worth and values you as more than just another option in the vast sea of potential partners.  

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M says April 18, 2024

Oh, and don’t settle for staying in the background of somebody else’s life. You deserve to be at the center (in a healthy way).
I unwittingly allowed him to place me in the background or in a lower position. I think it’s because my family always treated me this way, like I didn’t matter.

Also, again on the issue of porn or other explicit content being a problem…I agree. My husband does this (and refuses to talk about it) and I believe he pays camgirls for their online content.
I also now believe that in the years he refused intimacy, he was possibly having affairs or seeing prostitutes.
Maybe both? Because he is the one who created a sexless marriage. I used to despair about it, feeling so ugly and unwanted.
At one point my weight had ballooned because of the depression and his lack of interest in me.

He also has a tendency to form close friendships with women, mostly through his job. It never used to bother me until I realized that some of these women didn’t seem to care that he had a wife.
One woman (me) can’t compete with many others who offer him validation at work all day…and he is rarely at home.
And when he is at home, he is “meh” towards me. Most of them are not more attractive than me. It’s just the fact that they provide supply in the form of incessant praise, fawning over him in texts, etc.
He values their opinions more.

The wealthy older woman who is connected through his job has no reason to still talk to him or see him, but she has latched on in an unhealthy way.
I can’t complain to anyone at his job because most of them don’t know me (after 15 years of marriage!) and they might think I’m crazy. Sigh…

M says April 18, 2024

I agree with all of this. I will also add that sometimes they try to diminish your self-confidence (i.e. “you’re not that special” etc).

Life is too short to be with somebody who isn’t excited by you or thinks you’re just “meh”. Meanwhile, you’re either trying to prove yourself to that person or treating them well, but they insist on undermining you.

I (unfortunately) wound up married to a man who thinks I’m just “meh”. I know that I’m a smart, kind person who is attractive in her own way.
But to my husband…he seems to feel that there is “better” out there. Porn has a lot to do with this, and I believe it can rewire some people to never be satisfied with their partner.
So a man with an attractive wife will fail to see that in her and he will compare her to others and be “meh” about her.

Another way they might think you’re “meh”…hiding your presence on social media from others, or trying to downplay your role in their life.
My husband of 15 years has coworkers and friends who are still unaware of my existence. The ones that do know about me? He seems to keep me from meeting them, and when one lady asked him how his wife is doing, he completely ignored the question instead of saying “my wife is fine…thanks for asking” as a normal person would do.
It was like he didn’t want to even acknowledge being married to me.

There is always some lame excuse as to why I can’t attend certain events/functions at his job, and I know that he is lying.
There is a lot of secrecy that he calls “privacy”. His job requires him to be in contact with wealthy people and there is one older woman that he constantly talks to, although there really is no reason for such an intense friendship anymore.
It’s to the point where this person is now traveling with him on business sometimes…and she doesn’t even work for the company! Yet I, his wife, am not allowed to come because of “liability” and (in his words) the company has not “vetted” me.
I suspect that something happened on the most recent trip they took but I can’t prove it.

It’s not only this woman that bothers me. I’ve seen texts to and from coworkers (and others) that seem a bit too friendly, almost flirty.
He is somewhat of a social climber and I think his job provides a lot of narcissistic supply…women who validate him, make him feel superior, etc.
And then he comes home to his wife (myself) whom he views as just “meh” and doesn’t care about much.

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