narcissist's biggest fear

Everything You Need to Know About the Narcissist’s Biggest Fear

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Admit it.  You’ve read all the articles you could find in order to learn about the narcissist’s biggest fear.  

In fact, you may have tried a few of the suggestions in an attempt to give the narcissist a taste of their own medicine.

Only, none of it seemed to make a lick of difference.  The narcissist just yawned, garnering the same enthusiasm as watching paint dry.

If you want to know the one, irrefutable thing that narcissists are most terrified of, you’ve come to the right place.  After reading this article, you will know the formerly elusive truth about what makes the narcissist panic so you can take real action.  Action that has a future.

Sound good?

Let’s dive in…


[Before you read on, I want to thank everyone for helping my recovery course The Break Free Program to become a big bestseller. To check it out, click here. ]

Video Transcript

In today’s video, you are going to learn the number one thing that scares narcissists the most. It’s probably going to be a lot different from what you’ve previously heard. Most people will tell you that the narcissist is most afraid of indifference or being exposed. And while they certainly don’t like those things, there’s actually something else that’s even more terrifying to the narcissist.

But first, let’s touch on two things that people believe narcissists are most afraid of. The first is that narcissists are afraid of being exposed. While that may have some truth to it, narcissists are often able to regroup. Let’s say you expose them to a circle of friends.  Just like a cult leader, the narcissist will simply get rid of that group of people and form a new tribe somewhere else. So while being exposed is certainly inconvenient, it’s not something that narcissists are most afraid of.

Next, let’s talk about indifference. If you are indifferent towards the narcissist, they’re not going to like it because it’s going to make them feel like they’re losing power over you, which is the most important thing to the narcissist. So, you can be indifferent and it might cause them to Hoover you or maybe start the love-bombing phase all over again, but it’s not necessarily something that really scares them.

The Narcissist’s Biggest Fear

The number one thing that scares narcissists the most is that you will remember who you were before you met them.

From the very first day the narcissist meets you – during the love-bombing phase – what they’re trying to do is replace your thoughts with their negative and toxic programming. They spend an inordinate amount of time and energy love-bombing you. This could be in the form of dinners and gifts and really, let’s face it, their time and energy.  All those late-night phone calls, the texting, and the damage control…

Unbeknownst to you, even while they’re love bombing you, most narcissists have someone else that they’re stringing along or perhaps even grooming alongside you. This takes a lot of energy.  At any rate, during the love-bombing phase, the narcissist makes you feel like you have never felt before in your life.  By all accounts, this is often when people feel self-actualized for the first time in their lives.

But let me tell you what’s actually happening. This is the time when a lot of people fall in love with themselves. They actually love themselves for the first time in their lives. This is what helps the narcissist start to break you down.

During love bombing, you feel the most self-actualized.  All your unique traits, your dreams, your interests, your spirituality…the narcissist makes you feel like they are the same as you and that you are very unique and special for those things.  Make no doubt about it, you are special. But then after the love-bombing phase, the narcissist tries to do every single thing in their power to make you feel ashamed of who you are.

They want you to feel embarrassed about your dreams and your hopes and your spirituality, so they start trying to tear you down, fiber by fiber and thought by thought, so that you will end up not liking yourself.

That’s the basic and ultimate goal of every single narcissist.  This is why, most of them anyway, will try to isolate you from your friends and family. They don’t want other people telling you to leave them because they’re not good for you. For the narcissist, it’s all about control. So if the narcissist can change your thoughts, they will have ultimate control over you. And this is exactly what happens in most cases.

Why the Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Think for Yourself

The narcissist considers you an investment in their future. They don’t want to lose all the money they’ve spent; the time and energy they’ve invested, or their efforts put toward damage control. Those things are very inconvenient for the narcissistic individual.

In the beginning, during love bombing, they might seem to be entertained and that they’re enjoying themselves.  These are the memories you will cling to when things start falling apart.  But, most everyone enjoys being entertained, perhaps by going on vacation, to the movies, or a nice dinner.  But if you’ll think back, you may remember little things they did or said to make you doubt yourself.

Maybe they admired you for your art. Maybe you’re an artist, maybe you make music, but then suddenly after a couple of months, they began to criticize your art or your music.

Or perhaps you’re a leader at your job and they started to make you doubt your leadership skills. Maybe you were studying for a really big exam to become a lawyer, for example, and they began to break you down little by little so that you doubted your own intelligence. 

Basically, what the narcissist is trying to do, almost from day one, is to reprogram your mind. And that’s a large part of what narcissistic abuse is, is the reprogramming of your mind.

You Didn’t Ask for It, You Don’t Deserve It

You’ve probably heard a lot of people saying that you’re wounded and because you’re an empath, that this is what attracted the narcissist into your life. If you have seen any of my recent work, you’ll know that I don’t really subscribe to this theory anymore.

We can hardly walk down the street in our own neighborhood without encountering and narcissist or two.

Think about it this way – and this is a point that one of my students brought up recently that really hit home for me.  Telling someone that they attract narcissists because they’re kindhearted or because they’re an empath with no boundaries is like telling someone who has been raped that they deserved it because of what they were wearing.

This is an old paradigm that we need to start busting up.

Maybe you did “attract a narcissist”, so to speak, because you were trying to make a connection. They were love bombing you. It felt like they were trying to get to know you as a person. And it was all very exciting.

What we have to do, though, when those red flags start popping up (and they will pop up) is instead of brushing them under the rug and telling yourself that you’re being compassionate, that you’re giving them some space to heal their own wounds…after the first few yellow or red flags, that’s when you need to really sit down and have a talk with yourself.

Is this person triggering some uncomfortable feelings? Are they criticizing you? Do they make you feel like nothing you do or say is ever good enough? You’re going to know.  Your intuition is going to tell you if that person is emotionally safe for you or not.

We don’t want to fall back to the old paradigm that says “hurt people, hurt people”, turn the other cheek, give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the first couple of times, but after that, you just need to cut that anchor and sail away. Even if you’ve been in the relationship for a while, even if you’ve been intimate with them already.  If they start trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself, that is the number one, indisputable red flag that you are dealing with a narcissist.

So there you have it.  The narcissist’s biggest fear, above anything else, is that you are going to remember who you were before you met them.

Because if you remember how unique and divine and beautiful you are, you’re not going to spend another day with someone like them. And that terrifies them to the core.

Final Thoughts

You deserve more than manipulation and emotional abuse. You deserve the freedom to enjoy life and surround yourself with supportive people.

If you are being (or have been) narcissistically abused in your relationship, it has probably begun to feel like you are dealing with a complete stranger. All the connection you felt with them has vanished into thin air, and suddenly the person who used to feel like home to you has become some unknown entity who exudes boredom and irritation with you. 

If you know you need to purge the horrific addiction and devastating emotional and spiritual contamination from a narcissist, then please consider The Break Free Program.  Healing is a process that can open up some truly transformative revelations and opportunities when we give ourselves the chance to recover and thrive. 

You can find out more about The Break Free Program by clicking this link.

Already the Break Free Program has helped many thousands of people from around the world.  Learn how to heal the hurt caused by narcissists. And develop effective methods to respond when people treat you as if you don’t matter.  

You will get practical training and exercises to help you live abuse- and narcissist-free – create better boundaries – and even get a leg up on the narcissist in your life.  (Therapists are referring their own clients to this program!)  Learn more about the course and see what my students and neuroscience experts have to say about it.

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Leave a Comment:

Anonymous says January 23, 2024

Isn’t it best to spend as Little time as possible with that narcissistic person as possible, and do your own thing.??

Sharon M Duffy-Scharpou says January 18, 2024

Wow, great article. Thank you.

Amanda Serle says January 19, 2023

This has been very helpful thank you.

Kathy Fiorillo says May 9, 2022

I have been with a narcissist 17 years he is everything you say they are and then some he controlled me and told me what to do what to wear who I can’t see the list goes on I forgot who I was and I left him and now I’m here and it’s not good I don’t know who I am I’m afraid of everything I don’t want leave my house I’m trying to get better but it’s going to take me a long time thank God for people like Sarah who has taught us how to deal with them it takes a long time but I believe everything she says is true we just have to apply it to our lives I know it’s not easy they’re very addicting people you think about them day and night you want to be with them then you hate them the next day it’s horrible this is what they’ve caused I’ve never felt this way with anybody I need help thank you for your great information ♥️Kathy fiorillo

Kathy Fiorillo says May 9, 2022

I’ve been with my narcissist 17 years I’m no longer with him I couldn’t take it anymore I’m a totally different person it’s ruined me I don’t even know who I ameverything you talked about is right on he is all of that and more I wouldn’t even know where to begin thank you so much for your help ♥️ Kathy fiorillo

Denise says May 9, 2022

Thank you I’m learning more about narcissist everytime I read or watch your videos.

    Kim Saeed says May 18, 2022

    Thank you for letting me know that, Denise. It means a lot.

    Kim Xo

Mary says February 20, 2022

Spot on

Cynthia says November 9, 2021

So absolutely true! Lived it!! I was told “I wish you were like you were when I met you” which was after 28 years together. I told him it was a terrible thing to wish. That’s when I knew he didn’t really care about me let alone love me. I thought we had agreed to help each other grow. He clearly had no intention to see that happen. The worst came out when I started to get ME back. This helps affirm what I experienced. I don’t speak of it because no one understands how insane it was. I nearly didn’t survive. Now I know it wasn’t just me being dramatic or my imagination. Thanks!

Padma says November 9, 2021

Extremely Thankful to you Kim!!!
You opened my eyes completely. I have been following your content that i get in my mail box for over 3 to 4 years. This piece of information is a breakthrough. I thought I will never be able to catch him by his deeds openly and will sulk and gradually resign to my fate. Thought this is my destiny. Thanks for giving me the hope. I am extremely thankful for this information.

I have been a victim of the narcissist husband and have been living a terrible life. I was the most happy go lucky person. He completely ruined me.

Not any more. Thanks a ton Kim. Thank you!!!

Martins says November 8, 2021

Honestly I felt reduced to a commodity that was to be purchased off the shelf from a supermarket. I felt slighted, I felt insulted. Then I found out it runs in their family blood. The dad is dead beat Narcissist separated from her mum living with another woman with yet another woman in another country that has children for him. I put 2 and 2 together and I knew it was not worth it. I was to be enslaved. I was to be reduced from being creative to taking orders. My ingenuity and originality would have been buried as I was to become whom they wanted me to become and not what I envisaged I would become. Like my life was being taken away from me before my own very eyes.

Desiree says November 7, 2021

It’s good to have some clarity…
My head was spinning with ???
I hope to learn more, grow and never be hurt like this again.
I so appreciate you Kim!

Donna says June 12, 2021

My spouse, the father of our children said to me yesterday that he was always with the kids and they knew their mother was the biggest whore in town. My heart sank, still crushed. Our kids are adults now. I’m not going to argue with him as we both know he was not always there ‘with’. I can’t believe a man or anyone would be this cruel. Is this something he told our children? I don’t know and I don’t think I should ever ask our grown children..thank you for listening and idea how to handle this.. my heart breaks and he certainly broke and ripped it out of my body with this one.

Najmah Qatadah says June 11, 2021

“Only, none of it seemed to make a lick of difference. The narcissist just yawned, garnering the same enthusiasm as watching paint dry.”

WOW! Kim, you can’t get too much plainer than that! When it comes to a clear description of just how empty they’ve become inside. I wasn’t in that marriage but for a few months because i knew something was wring with him. Attending a lecture done by his brother where the word “gaslighting” was mentioned, sent me on a YouTube journey that led me to you Kim. As i was watching one after the other, I watched you do a 100%description

David Barker says June 10, 2021

Great piece Kim, thank you.

    Kim Saeed says September 8, 2021

    You’re welcome, David! Thanks for stopping by 🙂


Anonymous says March 19, 2021

Thankyou thankyou makes so much sense. I think after all these years of therapy I can finally yes put best years of my life to rest an hopefully my family can heal. An so can I. You have given me life an HOPE AGAIN. I GOT MY BIG GIRL PANTS ON. AN GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE WHO WAS SUBJECTED TOO ONE OF THESE. Remember you are all of worth. You all matter an happy healung

subhash says December 2, 2020

It is only 22 months ago… I realized that:
* my father was a narcissist (I was born in 1960)
* the woman (older woman in Jehovah’s Witness environment) I married…this will be long story… when I was 17 years old I developed a “DEATH WISH”.. I was not happy and had no one to confide anything… being a Jehovah’s Witness seems to be safe… I just “performed” a happy life what every witness had so it seemed.
***I would be happy when I am dead/my mom is dead/my dad is dead
***So my father died in Dec 1985, I did not become happy
***My mom died in Feb 1998, I did not became happy
***Busy with several responsebilities my 3rd child was born in 1991 April..going to college in order to keep a job, to feed 5 mouths, and live for the “watchtower”
***I realized in 1999 now I have to die in order to be happy…with all the GUILT I had I did not descern what my SIN was…dread of FEAR..FULL of SHAME, loaded with SHAME
***I chose to talk about SEXUAL abuse that occurded when I was 0 to 12 years old
I became a Jehovah’s Witness when I was 14years…
***This talking “pouring ones heart out” resulted in instantly becoming “BI POLAR”…
***nobody liked it me being BI POLAR. ..But I was happy with it… near age 40…I know how the past 4 decades were…
*** As I could not say I was still being abused sexually… weird setting, dilemma et c et c… read when you are not familiar with the Holy Bible the account in 1 Corinthians 5: 1 – 5…

Alfred Gutierrez says July 23, 2020

Kim thanks for inspiration I’m doing very well since narrasite is no longer in my life and I’m doing very well for myself.i can’t thank you enough kim

CATHY B. says April 4, 2020

I just had to share with you something I wrote after reading this subject













Judy says March 28, 2020

I divorced my narcisstic husband of 24 years, it was hard to learn to break the cycle, but I did it, but now my 43 yr. old son has taken on that personality with me. I have con no contact, but of course as a mother, it haunts me somewhat. How is handling a son different than an ex-husband, who I have had no contact with. for 23 years no. Both sons have no contact with their father, but the 43 yr. old has unsolved issues about him and is an alcoholic.

    Susan says June 11, 2021

    Judy, the best thing you can do for yourself is to go to a twelve-step program and get involved! Do whatever you need to do to heal. Good luck!

Jenette Meeks says March 26, 2020

Im not being critical, I very much enjoy learning and sharing your content… But, after watching this video-“what the narc is most afraid of” I have to disagree. If they are afraid of me realizing who I was before meeting them, it’d be either like starting all over again or they’d just dump me and go on to the next person who wasn’t so difficult. Lemme explain …. If I remembered who I was before I met them, I’d be in the same boat! I am a loving, forgiving, experience-hungry individual and I think the narc could evolve and find another way in working with that.

Linda says March 17, 2020

Thank you SO MUCH for dealing w/Narcissism. I’ve been dealing w/it for about SIXTEEN YEARS ?. The SAD part is she is my DAUGHTER. ?and I have only understood WHAT I was dealing w/for about 5 years! It was SOOO relieving to LEARN I was NOT crazy, but manipulated! She’d turn everything around and make ME at fault (you know the circus). SO I did literally went “no contact” for awhile (4 mos) and then she came to my home w/ my 1st grandchild. We did fine for awhile but now she is playing the “cold shoulder” and not speaking to me. I don’t care, BUT I MISS MY , now 2 grand daughters!!! This brings me to my comment/question. HOW do you teach to deal w/a narcissist WHEN it is a daughter w/ your PRECIOUS grandchildren??????, Linda

Geraldine says March 16, 2020

I actually had the words, “after all the work I’ve put into you” when he knew i was leaving. It made me do a double take. It struck home for a long time. When they speak the truth, it really stays with you. On another note, this current situation we have isn’t going to be good for them, “self isolate” may be the second worst thing they could ever hear !! Not that I am sure they will give a hoot about infecting anyone else.

Emma says March 16, 2020

This is exactly what I needed to hear! For the longest time (nearly 4 years) I’ve heard the same rhetoric about being an Empath and that made me think i’m ‘too soft’ – and made me doubt myself, my own judgement, asserting that I was naive when I met him, leaving me slightly fearful of relationships again – when in fact I was 34 and felt READY to create a life and lasting relationship with someone. I saw the red flags after the first argument 6 months in, spent a week (not speaking to him), thinking about what had happened and coming to the conclusion that he had issues, but asking myself if was I willing to help him through them (empath!)? After the 4 year relationship, which was an ordeal, and still being in contact for another 2 years I finally went No Contact – and all the articles I come across describe Empath’s attracting narcissists, which makes me feel bad for being a thoughtful, sensitive person.

It’s 14.5 months No Contact now and the biggest thing I’ve had in my self is to find my way back and remember who I am, my own values – even down to what I like; it was definitely true for me that the experience made me love myself a lot and I hadn’t felt so confident – until I didn’t, as a result from things he would say or do. The funny thing was I had a great job, good salary, was climbing the ladder and did have quite a lot of confidence – but it was like he validated me *(when I didn’t actually think I needed to be validated, so it made it all the more ‘fairy tale’ like). I’ve thought about that a lot, even concluded that I mustn’t have really known *myself* enough or trusted myself enough to stick up for myself – as the red flags were all over the place, I just kept thinking ‘I love him’

It’s taken me a long time to remember who I am and every day I have to give myself a pep talk when I wake up; I’ve had counselling, some days can be a bit harder than others and some patterns (questioning myself, re-running certain scenarios) still pop up randomly that I have to handle, but they are getting very few and far between now. This article and it’s definition is what EVERYONE needs to read and know!! It’s NOT because of your sensitivity that someone has latched on to a ‘weakness’ and that message needs to be removed if not re-written

thankyou xx

Matthew Gerome says March 15, 2020

You brought up a lot of important information in this article.I particularly appreciated your mentioning the notion that we enticed or “asked” for this profoundly damaging ecperience.
I have come across this disturbingly simplistic attitude being purported by some so called professionals.
I was actually belittled and demeaned by a “proffesional” counseler on YouTube a while back.It was bizarre .
I simply commented about my personal experience and was portrayed as a naive “babe in the woods” unaware that I lived in a world full of “sharks””what did I expect”
He dedicated a whole show to practically berating me.
I responded with the same analogy that you used and Whoa! I got another show devoted to me! It was shocking.My questioning of such a simplistic,contrary model really upset this guy.
I wasn’t rude or offensive in any way but this guy visibly became unhinged.If he hadn’t been so vitriolic towards me personally I would have felt bad for the guy.I had forgotten about it until I read your article.I am glad this is on your radar.
Thank you for addressing this.If I had not witnessed the second show and his reaction I know that I wouldn’t have been able to forget about it because the first show really bothered me.

10 Things to Expect When a Narcissist Knows You're Onto Them - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says January 19, 2020

[…] Gaslighting is their specialty as the first line of defense. It’s much easier to use lies and manipulation to convince you that you’re wrong instead of actually owning up to their abusive behavior. […]

Sandy says November 25, 2019

Jerry. I lert my narc july 2017. I was allowed to spend time with Arrow whenever I wanted til he got a gf who convinced himI was using the dog to aee him. Not! I qould meet his bro at the gate grab the dog and leave.All was petfect til his narc sister banned me from going to the house so i havent seen my pup in almost 6 moths. I hear that he is so depressed he barely moves wont go in at night barely moves. Just waits for me to pick him up . heart breaking to think about. I gotta keep pushing to beyyer my situation so I can get my boy for good.

    Roberta says January 10, 2020

    Sandy I hope you can make things better in your life too and soon. It breaks my heart that Arrow loves you so much and those people are using him to hurt you with no regard to his feelings. You and Arrow are in my prayers. Don’t give up and work towards the time you can take him hone with you for good.

    Alfred Gutierrez says July 23, 2020

    Kim thanks for being there for all of gave me so much inspiration that after being with a narrasite.i could give 2 shits about

Lisa A Elmendorf says November 10, 2019

Dear Kim,

My situation is really different/very difficult. Going to try and post long story short. First and foremost the narc. is not my husband he is a man I met when I separated from my husband. I married my husband on 12-31-88. Due to some control issues with my husband we separated on 2-1-2006…no I don’t believe my husband is a narc. After leaving my husband on 2-1-2006 I met I thought the LOVE of my life on or about 9-2006…sometime towards the end of September. We were together until 7-27-2019…almost 13 years. I was 44 and he was 33. In the first few months of our relationship I fell head over heals in love with this man. I loved him more in the little time that I knew him versus the 18 years I had already been with my husband. OK so many things happened with both my husband and my BF to even try and put in this comment. Moving forward to 4-13-18 the day I filed for divorce…lots of issues that kept me from filing before. No money/my kids/etc…SOOO when I did finally file the BF and I were so very ecstatic and could not wait for the end. Well one thing lead to another husbands attorney wanted to find dirt on me anything he could to bury me so husband would not have to pay me as much as I was asking. I was going for it all…I found out about 2 affairs he had with his Secretary’s. I wanted half of his retirement..spousal support..alimony…etc. Anyway BF and I were getting along great I thought but as time went on it was not as great as I thought. My divorce goes on for 16 months…during this 16 months I was enduring emotional anxiety/stress from BF, husband and my brother. My brother lives in the home with husband and I. I lost my good job 5-1-2014 and had to move back in the home that we own together due to money issues. All during the months of this divorce lingering on I put up with mental abuse really from all 3 of them but the BF was the most compassionate because I was his money bags…food buyer…cigarette buyer…EVERYTHING I bought. Since I met him in 9-2006 he had never had/owned a car…had maybe one good job. I did it all cause I loved him. OK 7-6-2019 DIVORCE final…BF merely laughs at me because I chose to settle out of court…divorce was going to jury trial. Emotionally that would have buried I didn’t get all that I expected to. BF makes comments..very ugly to me…on 7-27-2019 he leaves me…tells me he hates me to never contact him again…2 days later I see him with a new person…SOOO now I have lost my husband of 30 years..BF of 13 years. Emotional/anxiety/stress has caused passing out spells. This is where I am Kim…should I be crazy or what??

    subhash says December 2, 2020

    mo. do not get crazy.. you are sane..
    but the BF was the most compassionate because I was his money bags…food buyer…cigarette buyer…EVERYTHING I bought. Since I met him in 9-2006 he had never had/owned a car…had maybe one good job. I did it all cause I loved him….your qoute.. I am going thru this now… Due to CoviD19… no home no this no that…
    how not to be that VULNERABLE

Jerry Brendle says October 21, 2019

Dear Kim,
Thank you so much for helping me. I left the narc on July 9, 2019. Went NO CONTACT for 26 days. Now I see him about once a week as he buys groceries, dog food etc and visits(supervised) our dog Lil Bit. No contact really helped me rationalize and see how he was triggering me to react. At first I wasn’t going to allow him to see Lil Bit at all. That is unfair to Lil Bit because he had not a clue what narcissism is and he loves his daddy and is loyal and loving. I tolerate the narc during these visits, watching and listening to his mind games. I do not talk to him on the phone and limited texting when absolutely necessary. This prevents the circular conversations etc .. also texting is written proof of the conversation. I’m still trying to go no contact totally but I depend on him for food, dog food etc. Basic necessities I can’t afford. Thank you so much for your support. Your e mails are my emotional support during the hardest time of my life. I read them several times daily. On my path to healing. Sincerely, Jerry Brendle

Gina says October 21, 2019

Hello Kim, in a boss-employee relationship things are different. In my case the Narc made one compliment about my singing, took me to one seminar and offered condolences when my dad-in-law died, that was all. When I saw him traumatizing a kid, I left the committee saying I had other duties at a “rival’s” school – nothing else. He worked me to a frenzy till I had burnout and then continued “punishing” me by telling the 6th graders etc. to bully me, all the while dumping my mail, my letters to parents, my reports and news items into the trash. He had already found replacement and used both blondes to try to make me jealous. No hoovering, but obsession and spite because I couldn’t be gotten rid of, always second-guessing his traps, always getting support, till he started off about my using “magic.” I believe he hated my guts – but I didn’t really have a choice. Thanks for your insights!

    Kim Saeed says November 5, 2019

    Hi Gina, I can relate. When I worked for other companies and institutions, I encountered many narcissistic folks (though, I didn’t know about narcissism then), many of whom were my direct supervisors or bosses. I always did one of two things. 1) collect evidence against them and report them, or 2) start a job search. Of course, option one is a reason I wasn’t always a favorite amongst these people who called themselves leaders. Option two gave me peace and a fresh start. Those are generally the only two options we have if we are our own source of livelihood.


Olivia says October 21, 2019

Thanks for your useful video.
How does this apply as my mother is the narcissist? She’s been there since I was born obviously, so I don’t have any ‘real self’ to remember as I’ve always just been the awful daughter who could never please her.
I am married and luckily my husband is not a narcissist so he makes me feel I’m a good person, but I feel like I’ve grown into being a good person rather than always being one, if that makes sense.

Diana says October 21, 2019

Well said, Kim. Your theories are expanding by the week! “Sunk cost!” I’ve been taking a life coach course by Benjamin Hardy, Ph.D, and he describes “sunk cost” elaborately in the general sense, personal development world.

To apply this concept to the narcissist is very accurate and unique. Your weekly blogs are very enlightening and reinforcing, thank you!

Sharon Hoffer says October 21, 2019

Great article Kim, thank you.
It really is true, and I realise it now, how the person I thought was my soul mate, the love of my life, loved me so much, was just putting on an act, and boy did it work!
It’s only since I’ve left him, after 18 years together, that I can clearly see the damage.
But my mantra nowadays is Don’t Focus On What You’ve Lost, Look At What You’ve Gained.
I’ve gained back my health, my sanity, my self respect, my Dad is back in my life, and most importantly, my daughter and four grandchildren are back in my life. I’d lost them for over 4 years, but they’re back and that is the best thing I’ve gained from all this pain and suffering.
And yes, leaving the narcissist is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but with the right support, you’ll get through it and find yourself – and this version will be even better!
Thank you Kim for being a part of my healing journey. Everyone’s healing journey is different, but I think everyone should include you as part of that journey ??❤️?

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