Would you like to learn how to shut down the narcissist during the silent treatment?
You may have been through multiple episodes of this crippling form of cold shoulder, yet no matter how many times it happens to you, you’re left feeling traumatized and defeated and feeling like there is no way out of the pain.
Well, today, you’re going to learn how to shut down the narcissist during their next silent treatment so you can finally become the victor in this cat and mouse game and walk away with your dignity intact and feeling more powerful than ever.
Watch the video:
How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment
1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault
This one is HUGE.
When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. Even if we know, without a doubt, that the narcissist was in the wrong, we take on the responsibility for their going silent on us.
This is exactly what the narcissist wants.
Here’s the deal. Normal people may need some time alone to think and reset, but they will never, ever use the silent treatment as a form of punishment against you.
Someone who cares about you will come back and want to have a two-way conversation about how to make things work between you. Someone who cares will not try to make you feel at fault because THEY cheated or lied.
If you’re dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, their goal isn’t to work things out, but to figure out how they can maintain power and control over you and the relationship. Therefore, when you go days without receiving a phone call from them, you can bet it’s because you attempted to rectify a situation that they want you to simply shut up about.
2 – Disengage
The last thing you want to do during the silent treatment is to reward the narcissist by engaging with them when they hoover after they’ve engaged in bad behavior.
In case you’re just learning about what hoovering is: Hoovering is a technique that’s employed by people with narcissistic tendencies to suck their victims back into a relationship with them by exhibiting improved or desirable behavior. It’s named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because the hoovering narcissist not only desires to suck you back into the relationship, but will ultimately treat you like dirt and jeopardize your mental health.
Hoovers don’t only occur after a discard. In fact, most discards aren’t even real. When the narcissist seemingly discards you, it’s usually all smoke and mirrors to trigger your abandonment wounds so that you will accept their awful behaviors and eventually give them their way just to keep them in your life.
So, when the narcissist finally reaches out to you during the silent treatment, you don’t want to enforce their sense of entitlement by responding to them or even trying to be understanding about why they went dark on you.
No, with people with npd, you want to show them that they are not right in any way, shape, or form. When they finally reach out after giving you the silent treatment, make sure they are met with complete indifference and silence as they begin to recognize that their game didn’t work this time.
3 – Turn the Narcissistic Silent Treatment into your victory cry.
The third way to shut down a narcissist who is giving you the silent treatment is to use the opportunity to end the relationship and go no contact.
This is what I personally did after receiving the silent treatment for the hundredth time. At the time, I was in a toxic marriage and being subjected to the silent treatment. It had become a regular and normal part of the relationship.
Only, little did he know that during one of his previous silent treatments, I’d gone out and put down a deposit on an apartment. So then, the next time he gave me the silent treatment, I moved out. When he came back, I’m sure trying to pretend that everything was normal, he was met with an empty apartment and the sound of crickets.
That was my victory cry, and it can be yours, too.
Of course, this will require much more discipline, and there is a certain mindset you’ll need to be in to make it work.
And that is…
In your mind, you let go of the unswerving belief that you need the narcissist in order to feel good about yourself.
In your mind, you accept there will be a hard road ahead, but it’s one you’re willing to travel to get to a place of true healing (and make space for a loving, reciprocal relationship later on).
In your mind, you let go of waiting for apologies and closure from the narcissist.
In your mind, you let go and release them.
In your mind, you drop the mic and walk away.
If you want to know how to shut down the narcissist during their next silent treatment, you’ll need some support and something or someone to keep you on track.
What to do to turn the tables on the narcissist
If you’ve already joined the Unmasking Narcissism newsletter, your next step would be to consider enrolling in The Break Free Bootcamp, where you’ll learn everything you need to get through your first weeks of breaking free and receive support and encouragement each step of the way.
Support groups can be extremely helpful in dealing with emotional pain. The Break Free Bootcamp includes a private Facebook group specifically for individuals who are on their own healing journeys.
You Can Overcome the Narcissistic Silent Treatment
The bad side of staying in a relationship with a narcissist is that it keeps you stuck in a hopeless situation. Holding onto hope that the narcissist in your life will change is a pipe dream that leads to a wasted life.
The idea can be likened to the legends of Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster. There are people who adamantly insist these creatures exist, but no one has ever really seen them.
The same goes for a narcissist making lasting change.
Despite the silent treatment being painful, you can learn how to deal with a narcissist in powerful ways. By cultivating your self-esteem and sense of connection with others outside your abusive relationship, you will be able to weather the storm, reclaim your dignity, and get your life back.
How To Get Started On The Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Silent Treatment
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and it’s okay to admit you need help. If you’re ready to go deeper, check out my therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery. Thousands across the globe have benefited from this program that’s practical, proven, and reliable. It’s the best place to begin a journey toward renewed self-worth and an end to feeling worthless.
I know what you’re going through and I’m here to help. Learn more about the course and see what my students and neuroscience experts have to say about it.
