Would you like to learn how to shut down the narcissist during the silent treatment?
You may have been through multiple episodes of this crippling form of cold shoulder, yet no matter how many times it happens to you, you’re left feeling traumatized and defeated and feeling like there is no way out of the pain.
Well, today, you’re going to learn how to shut down the narcissist during their next silent treatment so you can finally become the victor in this cat and mouse game and walk away with your dignity intact and feeling more powerful than ever.
How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment
1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault
This one is HUGE.
When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. Even if we know, without a doubt, that the narcissist was in the wrong, we take on the responsibility for their going silent on us.
This is exactly what the narcissist wants.
Here’s the deal. Normal people may need some time alone to think and reset, but they will never, ever use the silent treatment as a form of punishment against you.
Someone who cares about you will come back and want to have a two-way conversation about how to make things work between you. Someone who cares will not try to make you feel at fault because THEY cheated or lied.
If you’re dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, their goal isn’t to work things out, but to figure out how they can maintain power and control over you and the relationship. Therefore, when you go days without receiving a phone call from them, you can bet it’s because you attempted to rectify a situation that they want you to simply shut up about.
2 – Disengage
The last thing you want to do during the silent treatment is to reward the narcissist by engaging with them when they hoover after they’ve engaged in bad behavior.
In case you’re just learning about what hoovering is: Hoovering is a technique that’s employed by people with narcissistic tendencies to suck their victims back into a relationship with them by exhibiting improved or desirable behavior. It’s named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because the hoovering narcissist not only desires to suck you back into the relationship, but will ultimately treat you like dirt and jeopardize your mental health.
Hoovers don’t only occur after a discard. In fact, most discards aren’t even real. When the narcissist seemingly discards you, it’s usually all smoke and mirrors to trigger your abandonment wounds so that you will accept their awful behaviors and eventually give them their way just to keep them in your life.
So, when the narcissist finally reaches out to you during the silent treatment, you don’t want to enforce their sense of entitlement by responding to them or even trying to be understanding about why they went dark on you.
No, with narcissistic folks, you want to show them that they are not right in any way, shape, or form. When they finally reach out after giving you the silent treatment, make sure they are met with complete indifference and silence as they begin to recognize that their game didn’t work this time.
3 – Turn the Narcissistic Silent Treatment into your victory cry.
The third way to shut down a narcissist who is giving you the silent treatment is to use the opportunity to end the relationship and go no contact.
This is what I personally did after receiving the silent treatment for the hundredth time. At the time, I was in a toxic marriage and being subjected to the silent treatment. It had become a regular and normal part of the relationship.
Only, little did he know that during one of his previous silent treatments, I’d gone out and put down a deposit on an apartment. So then, the next time he gave me the silent treatment, I moved out. When he came back, I’m sure trying to pretend that everything was normal, he was met with an empty apartment and the sound of crickets.
That was my victory cry, and it can be yours, too.
Of course, this will require much more discipline, and there is a certain mindset you’ll need to be in to make it work.
And that is…
In your mind, you let go of the unswerving belief that you need the narcissist in order to feel good about yourself.
In your mind, you accept there will be a hard road ahead, but it’s one you’re willing to travel to get to a place of true healing (and make space for a loving, reciprocal relationship later on).
In your mind, you let go of waiting for apologies and closure from the narcissist.
In your mind, you let go and release them.
In your mind, you drop the mic and walk away.
