Across the internet, people are researching the topic of narcissistic financial abuse and how it influences the narcissist’s relationship with money. And with good reason. Typically, each type of narcissist uses money for a specific agenda, which I have outlined below.
When it comes to narcissists and money, there are generally four faces of narcissistic financial abuse:
1- The Moocher
If this particular narcissist manages to stick it out long enough to get a college degree, it eventually becomes useless because The Moocher destroys all opportunities in their field due to a sketchy job history and their propensity to quit at the slightest provocation.
They struggle with staying employed because they cannot tolerate authority figures, seeing any sort of constructive criticism or feedback as a personal attack. They are the ones who often find a way to go on disability or take advantage of government assistance, along with deceiving various family members and partners – for the purpose of getting their money.
The Moocher keeps a running ledger in their mind for any (and I mean ANY) amount of money they spend on you. A fellow blogger, Carrie, from Ladywithatruck, said her ex once gave her an itemized invoice for things he felt she owed him, including forty-five cents he’d chipped in when she’d bought a slushy.
Yes, they are that petty.
Due to their sense of entitlement, they feel deserving of other people’s money, too. I once knew a narcissist who would make hundreds of dollars after receiving a bill for their personal property taxes.
They’d go to their partner claiming it was their responsibility to pay, then they’d also tell a sob story to their two siblings about how they just couldn’t afford it and would get the total from each of them, too. So, for a five-hundred-dollar tax bill, this narcissist came out one-thousand dollars ahead.
When you read forums and chat boards where victims of narcissistic abuse were drained of all of their finances, they are generally referring to this type of narcissist.
The victim is the one who ends up paying all the bills such as rent, utilities, car payments, vacations, and everything else while the no-good narcissist lays out of work and plays hop-scotch with employers until finally, they either succeed at getting disability for some bogus condition, end up as a car salesman, or selling supplemental policies for Aflac.
Alternately, they speak of starting a business that never finds its way into creation.
While they’ve never owned their own home or signed a lease for an apartment, they almost always have flashy cars and designer clothes. They want everyone to think they are wealthy and tasteful, but once someone falls for The Moocher, they realize it’s all a cover-up.
2- The Dollar Lama
Makes moderate to high-level income and uses it as a weapon. Usually, Dollar Lamas are male and convince their wife, fiancé, or girlfriend to leave her career in order to help him out at home or in his business.
He derives his sense of power and authority by making his partner financially dependent on him by convincing her she doesn’t need to work, have a bank account, or have access to money.
Of course, it all seems convincing when The Dollar Lama promises he will take care of her, but it only takes a short while to learn the hard truth.
If he does agree to let her be a joint owner on any accounts, he scours the finances with a fine-toothed comb. She cannot spend five dollars without asking his permission, otherwise, there is Hell to pay. He destroys any self-esteem she has by reminding her that she is “living off of him” and that she would likely not be hired anywhere again.
He threatens his partner with the withdrawal of resources. And he will often make good on this when she’s most counting on them being there. If she doesn’t comply with his impossible demands, he cuts off her cell phone, leaves her without gas money, constantly threatens to kick her out of their shared residence, and will even fire her if she’s on his payroll.
By the time the relationship comes to an end, his partner feels unemployable and worthless because she’s worked for him for years, has no real resume, and she can’t obtain a recommendation.
If you believe you’re dealing with The Dollar Lama, try to keep accurate accounting records, if at all possible. If there is even the slightest whiff of divorce, The Dollar Lama will hide assets to ensure you get nothing. Some Dollar Lamas have also been known to dabble in fraudulent activities, getting loans in other peoples’ names and skirting paying IRS taxes. These shady acts could leave you in a world of trouble, or at least unsurmountable debt if you don’t get a handle on the situation early.
3- The Broker of Deafening Silence
Makes a lot of money and thinks it’s their only obligatory contribution to the relationship. Coincidentally, this type is usually associated with highly-educated narcissists with careers such as CEO, MD, Attorney, Psychologist, and so on.
This type of narcissist buys their partner and their children lavish homes/gifts/vacations to keep them appeased. But they show little to no emotion and that’s why their partners are so unhappy.
Most of us enjoy material things, but at the end of the day, what we want most is to feel loved, accepted, and acknowledged. However, since this narcissist doesn’t offer any of those sentiments, their partner accepts the material provisions because there’s nothing else offered in the relationship.
Except, eventually they find that even the best trip or jewelry cannot fulfill the need for love.
Whether you have your own successful career or are a stay-at-home mom, you become frustrated with your partner and he becomes angry with you because his perspective is that you’re being ungrateful for all the wealth he’s provided for you and your children over the years. Sadly, he is unlikely to change and become that sensitive, caring, and supportive man you thought you married.
As punishment, The Broker of Deafening Silence ignores you. This is their way of destroying you without lifting a finger because the narcissistic silent treatment is one of the worst punishments imaginable.
After all, they surely cannot behave as a mere mortal. Their God complex simply won’t allow for that.
4 – The Self-Appointed Princess
Has a college degree, perhaps even a Ph.D., but because of her out-of-control entitlement issues, thinks her adult responsibilities cease to exist when she enters into a relationship. With this one, her money is hers and YOUR money is hers.
The Self-Appointed Princess believes by virtue of her being female, men should kneel at her feet and worship the ground she walks on. She has a large wardrobe filled with the latest fashions, owns the current model of BMW, and spends thousands a year on plastic surgery.
You should feel you’ve been anointed by the Gods if she gives you a second’s worth of attention.
Her sense of entitlement typically doesn’t stop when she becomes a mother, either. In fact, raising a family with The Self-Appointed Princess means having another permanent dependent on your taxes because she’ll never go back to work after having children.
And guess what your children will learn if they have a mother like this?
Read: How to Help Your Children When Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
Narcissists love money more than anything because it fulfills their selfish agendas, allows them to control and manipulate others, and helps them project the false persona they want everyone to see.
It’s in your best interest to start recognizing the signs if any of them apply to you. This will allow you to make better choices in your best interest, and that of your children.
If you believe you’ve experienced narcissistic financial abuse, grab your free Beginner’s Healing Roadmap below and discover how you can break free and begin healing your life!
