How can you tell if a narcissist is being honest?
Narcissists will say anything to get you to do what they want, and they have an arsenal of words to use to do this. Their victims need to know how these manipulations work to circumvent them.
Here, you can find out more about the manipulative things narcissists say so that you can spot them before it’s too late. Also, learn the mind games they play, some tricks to use to avoid arguments, and ways to recover from narcissistic abuse.
9 Things Narcissists Say and Why
A narcissist’s tricks will leave you wondering whether or not you’re even sane. It’s tough to know whether or not your reactions are valid when so many things about this person feel chaotic. Narcissists thrive on you feeling this way.
Their words feel like weapons, and if you are not prepared to handle their manipulative behavior or harsh words, you are the one who suffers. Here are the top things that narcissists say when they are trying to trick someone and the reasons why these statements can be so damaging.
1. You’re Too Sensitive
Narcissists love to tell people that they are too sensitive. They do this because it allows them to shrug off accountability for their actions. Also, it makes the other person doubt themselves. This type of abuse is a form of gaslighting. You are not too sensitive. You just want to be treated with the love and respect you deserve. There is nothing wrong with that!
The Reason Why:
By telling someone that they are overreacting or taking things the wrong way, narcissists can blame others. That way, no matter how bad anything gets, they never have to take responsibility for any of it. It’s important not to be swayed by these comments.
2. Stop Being Melodramatic
Narcissists love to tell people that they are being melodramatic — but you are not being overly dramatic because you have feelings about the horrible way a person treats you!
The Reason Why:
Narcissists do this because it allows them to control your reactions. By telling someone that they are overreacting or taking things the wrong way, the narcissist doesn’t have to be accountable for their bad behavior.
3. Don’t Be Crazy
Narcissists also love to tell people that they are being crazy. This is just another way of telling you that your feelings do not matter. They are trying to invalidate how you feel about the situation at hand. The fact is, you are not crazy. Their behavior is!
The Reason Why:
This comment may be thrown out when you are confronting a narcissist about something they did or said. If you have suspicions about their behavior or if you bring up anything negative in general, they will tell you that you are crazy. By using this insult, it’s like saying, “I’m not responsible for this, so I can stop listening.”
4. I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
Narcissists are adept at reading social cues, and when they sense that others are becoming aware of their manipulative ways, they deploy apologies as a shield. However, what sets their apologies apart is the absence of true remorse. The person on the receiving end may find themselves perplexed, as the insincerity behind the apology becomes glaringly apparent.
The Reason Why:
Apologizing is a social norm meant to convey regret and a commitment to change. For narcissists, it becomes a game – a tool to escape the consequences of their actions. By uttering apologies, they aim to create a false narrative of self-awareness, all while avoiding genuine introspection.
The real reason behind narcissistic apologies lies in their desire to keep you off your game. As their lies and manipulations catch up with them, apologies become a strategic move to diffuse tension, divert attention, and ultimately continue their self-serving agenda.
5. It Doesn’t Have to Be Like This
A narcissist will often express these words when aiming to persuade someone to remain in a position of inferiority. This subtle manipulation is designed to convey the illusion that a more positive outcome is within reach, contingent upon the other person aligning with the narcissist’s expectations. The strategic use of these words allows the narcissist to subtly shift the narrative, placing the responsibility for improvement on the other party.
The Reason Why:
By suggesting that a change in behavior could lead to a different and better situation, narcissists say this to create the impression that the key to resolving issues lies in the hands of the other person. This artful manipulation serves to foster the belief that harmony and improvement are attainable if only the individual complies with the narcissist’s expectations, further perpetuating the cycle of control. They want you to believe that their behavior is your responsibility, and therefore they cannot be the one to blame for things being stressful.
6. Why Are You So Mad?
In the aftermath of a narcissist’s unsettling actions, the question “Why are you so mad?” becomes a manipulative tool to downplay the severity of their behavior. Narcissists employ this tactic to create an illusion that the victim is overreacting to actions that, by any standard, would be considered hurtful or even horrific. This calculated response aims to shift blame and subtly convince the victim that the narcissist’s actions, such as infidelity or engaging in inappropriate behavior like watching explicit content, are normal components of every relationship.
The Reason Why:
By feigning surprise at the victim’s emotional reaction, the narcissist seeks to normalize their egregious actions. The intention is to make the victim believe that their response is exaggerated, fostering a sense of self-doubt and confusion. This psychological manipulation is a cunning attempt to gaslight the victim into accepting abnormal behavior as commonplace, further entrenching the narcissist’s control over the narrative and the victim’s perception of reality. Their goal is to cause people to stay quiet even though there is plenty of grief boiling inside them which needs to come out.
7. You Don’t Understand
When narcissistic people feel threatened by someone who sees through their behavior, they will then try to get an emotional rise out of the other person. They do this by saying that you don’t understand them. They will tell you that you don’t know what is going on in their life, and so you cannot tell them what’s right for them.
The Reason Why:
Narcissistic people need to be believed 100% of the time because anything less than complete trust can feel like direct confrontation. Therefore, if you “don’t understand,” they have not lied. You just don’t get it.
8. You’re Being Unreasonable
In the narcissistic playbook, the phrase “You’re being unreasonable” is a calculated move to establish control over what is deemed acceptable or rational. Narcissistic manipulators employ this expression not only to dismiss someone’s emotions but also as a deceptive strategy to divert attention from their deceitful actions, evading the need for accountability.
The Reason Why:
This phrase becomes a weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal to undermine and discredit the feelings or viewpoints of others. It operates as a manipulative tactic, particularly effective on those predisposed to agreeability and less likely to confront or challenge the deceiver. The underlying motive here is not just about avoiding upset; it is a deliberate effort to perpetuate the notion that your feelings are unreasonable while camouflaging their deceitful actions. This ensures that the victim remains entangled in a web of manipulation and confusion.
9. You’re Lucky I Put Up with This
Often, a narcissist will say this when they begin to feel the person on the other side of the relationship is starting to pull away. They say it as if you need to feel blessed that they have chosen to stay with you and that without their presence, things would be much worse for you.
The Reason Why:
Here, the trickery lies in convincing the victim that they should feel fortunate for the narcissist’s choice to remain in the relationship. In reality, this statement is a deceptive tactic aimed at making the victim believe they would fare poorly in a relationship with someone else. By planting seeds of insecurity, the narcissist subtly shifts the blame onto the victim, creating a false narrative that something is inherently wrong with them. This psychological ploy serves to maintain control by fostering a sense of dependency, making it challenging for the victim to recognize their own worth and demand the respect and honesty they deserve.
Recovering from the Pain of the Things Narcissists Say
I hope this article has helped you grasp that the narcissist’s abusive words have nothing to do with you. You are the narcissist’s target, but you are not the cause of the abuse. Narcissists have spent years mastering the skills it takes to manipulate people the way that they do. The truth is, anyone who is close to the narcissist will be the target of their abuse, regardless of who they are.
Narcissists will never accept responsibility for the things they do or say because this is who they’ve been their whole adult lives. Even if, in the beginning, you knew the things they said were lies, you’ve heard them over and over for so long that you may have come to accept their lies as truth.
If you have not grown up dealing with a narcissist, then you have fewer years of experience than they do. This lack of knowledge will put you at a tremendous disadvantage when it comes to communicating with them. Yet, if you are familiar with the things narcissists say to trick you, you can better prepare yourself for dealing with them.
Narcissistic abuse is an assault on your heart and soul. Ultimately, it’s an inner struggle between you and the narcissist, which is why other people do not recognize or understand it.
Therefore, your best bet is to just stop dealing with the narcissist as much as you possibly can, right now. You cannot win a battle for your soul when the battle itself destroys your soul. So fight as little as possible, get as far away as you can, and stay there.
This is the only way to win.
Once you are away from the narcissist, your life energy can begin to recharge, your vitality can start to return, your cup can start to fill again, and your soul can begin to heal. Everyone has the innate capacity to heal themselves. But, it’s likely you will need external support to heal the traumas that get in the way of your ability to tune into this gift.⠀
