How do empaths protect themselves from narcissists?
Whereas Empaths want to soothe the narcissist’s hurts and help them feel secure, the narcissist simply wants to siphon the Empath’s compassionate energy like fuel for an engine.
I’ve seen too many Empaths completely destroyed by narcissists because they mistakenly believe the narcissist is a tortured soul who can only be healed by the Empath’s unconditional love and ever-vigilant devotion.
In today’s video, you’ll learn two powerful ways to protect yourself against narcissists, why living by the Golden Rule isn’t always the appropriate thing to do, and ways you can get started on healing as soon as today.
Video Content:
Welcome back. This is Kim Saeed of KimSaeed.com teaching you the Way of the Warrior and how to recover from narcissistic abuse in powerful ways.
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Today, I discuss how Empaths can shield themselves against narcissists and how to change your beliefs about what it means to be an Empowered Empath.
The Way of the Warrior: The lifestyle of a person who has fought the battle of narcissistic abuse and arose as a newly empowered person— the same, yet totally transformed. They recognize that recovery is not something you do for a few months or a few years, but a way of life that optimizes your connection with your authentic self…the person you were born to be. Warriors have released all self-defeating attachments and feel comfortable in their own skin. They set boundaries in their relationships and put their own self-care first, thereby bringing back the sweetness of life and experiencing the exhilaration of inner growth.
What I see in most cases is that Empaths have an extremely difficult time setting boundaries and letting other people be accountable for their own actions.
I used to think that being a spiritual person and being an Empath meant that I needed to turn the other cheek and treat people like I wanted to be treated. Even those who treated me horribly.
I’ve since learned that this is not what it means to be an Empath or to be spiritual.
The truth is we’re not here to try to heal everyone in a completely out of control fashion. Unfortunately, the common theme with many Empaths is that we often heal others to our own detriment, which is very unhealthy and honestly, we aren’t helping the other person when we allow them to keep committing horrible acts as a human being without accepting any accountability.
How Do Empaths Protect Themselves Against Narcissists?
It’s important to understand that being spiritual and being an empath doesn’t mean that we should keep forgiving a person over and over, at least not while we’re in a relationship with them.
Simply put, being spiritual does not mean being a doormat.
This goes for a romantic or any other kind of relationship, so if you identify as being an empath or you suspect you may have empathic qualities, today’s video will help you learn to shield yourself against narcissists.
1 – Get comfortable implementing boundaries
The first thing all empaths need to empower themselves is to accept that in order to have healthy relationships, you’ll want to get to a point where you feel comfortable implementing boundaries.
What I see too often is that truly compassionate and loving individuals don’t implement boundaries in their relationships and then wonder why they are being taken advantage of. (I used to do this too, so no judgment there).
When we allow someone to trample our boundaries and we do nothing about it, we are basically teaching them how to treat us. After a while, the narcissistic individual understands that they can do whatever they please and there will be no consequences.
When we forgive a narcissist time and again, they don’t start to question themselves, they will never have an epiphany and begin to see your unconditional love for them. What happens instead is that they begin to see their target of abuse as repulsive and that is why their abuse gets worse over time.
Many people, perhaps based on their religious beliefs, believe that they are supposed to turn the other cheek and live by the Golden Rule, but that doesn’t apply to narcissists and other manipulators. If you are a religious person, the Bible and other religious texts are very clear about how we are supposed to handle such people.
Author Christine Louis de Canonville once wrote a series based on passages from the Bible regarding narcissism. Because, when she was a therapist, so many of her clients struggled with believing that if they didn’t turn the other cheek, they weren’t forgiving and in turn would not be forgiven themselves.
Please understand, I’m not trying to preach here, but in Christine’s articles, she points out that narcissism is addressed in the Bible. In Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy, Paul seemed to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to be aware of those who act out of a selfless attitude:
For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, having a form of godliness, but denying its power…and from such people TURN AWAY.
Maybe you are not a religious person. Personally, although I very much believe in God, I don’t follow organized religion any longer because there is so much religious control energy happening in today’s society, and in my own experiences, what I saw was leaders who wanted to manage and control people’s spiritual information.
I’ve worked with too many coaching clients who were terrorized by leaders within their church who used religion as a weapon. This is what I mean when I say that we are not obligated to help and heal everyone around us in an out-of-control fashion. You are not an evil or selfish person for implementing boundaries in your relationships. Anyone who tells you that you are evil because you stand up for yourself is trying to use religious control energy against you.
We all need boundaries because if we don’t have them, we will continue to attract people who are manipulative and narcissistic. Empaths would have a much easier time in life if they can accept that boundaries are extremely important if you want to start having healthy relationships and stop feeling like a blinking neon light, calling in every narcissist within a hundred-mile radius.
If someone doesn’t want to change, then saying no and moving on is usually the only healthy thing you can do.
The most loving thing we can do for another human being is to hold them accountable for their actions instead of cleaning up the stage for them every time. Otherwise, we’re teaching them that it’s okay to continue doing the hurtful things that they do.
2 – The narcissist is not a tortured soul who needs your special kind of love
How do Empaths protect themselves against narcissists?
Almost every Empath who’s ever been in a relationship with a narcissist has held the belief that if they could just show the narcissist how deep their unconditional love ran, the narcissist would finally have an epiphany where they realized that there’s a special and rare kind of love available to them, after all.
The love of an Empath certainly has its healing qualities, but it does nothing to change a narcissist’s behaviors or motives in the relationship. Narcissists are morally bankrupt individuals who do not appreciate the things other people do for them.
Related: 7 Painful Truths All Empaths Must Eventually Face About Narcissists
Instead, they feel completely entitled to whatever love and devotion are directed towards them. The truth is, every person the narcissist has ever been involved with gave them this unconditional love, but sadly, narcissists consider such love and devotion disposable. They intuitively know that there are lots of wounded people out there who are afraid to implement boundaries for fear of losing their relationships, and most narcissists are constantly scouting for new supply sources.
This is precisely why when your relationship ends, you see them with someone else so quickly. In many cases, the new person isn’t so new. The narcissist has already been grooming them for some time.
If any of this resonates with you, please know that I understand how difficult it is to start implementing boundaries in your relationships when you haven’t done that before. The Way of the Warrior and Empowered Empath is dying to our old ways and being reborn as the best version of ourselves where we recognize our value and the right to happy, healthy relationships and most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves.
This is what my Break Free Bootcamp is all about. It teaches you to empower yourself and be your own best friend and advocate.
How do Empaths protect themselves from narcissists?
If you’re feeling afraid, I know how you feel. I have been there myself and there is almost no worst feeling in the world than feeling like you’re in a never-ending nightmare, but life doesn’t have to be that way.
Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around and you can get started by taking your first empowering step and claiming your free beginner’s healing roadmap (below), which includes everything you need to get started, including a powerful worksheet on determining your boundaries and deal-breakers.
If this video resonated with you, please like it and share it with your friends who need it because we still have a way to go in helping spread awareness about narcissistic abuse.
Who knows? You might just save a person’s future. Thank you so much for watching. I’ll see you in the next video.
If you’re ready to go deeper and change your life right now, I offer a wide range of effective resources and techniques to protect against toxic people – in my bestselling program, The Break Free Program.
I’m excited to share with you the psychological tools I and thousands of others have used to heal from narcissistic abuse.
Explore techniques derived from behavioral therapy (vetted by the psychological and neuro-psychological communities) to finally heal your life.
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