empaths without tools

Dear Empaths: Stop Trying to Heal the Narcissist!

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~ by Josh Schultz

Why do empaths attract narcissists? Narcissists depend on external validation. Empaths are tremendous healers, givers, and validators. On the surface, this may seem like a convenient story. But the underlying dynamics of each couple’s situation can be vastly different.

It is possible that an empath will agree, as a spirit, to a relationship with a narcissist in order to have a particular transformative experience, or to learn to say no. Every relationship is a continually shifting landscape of male and female energies, flowing with giving and taking, in each action, word, and caress.

We like to think that living from the heart, being totally in a space of love and affinity can only be good; that it can never be wrong or bad. But one must also truthfully ask themselves: is it balanced? Is it healthy? Unfortunately, the common undercurrent with many empaths is that we often heal others to our own detriment, which is very unhealthy.

Here is a funny question: when your healing energy goes to everyone else, and it becomes a demand, is it really a healing space any longer? Some of the best healers I have met know how to laugh at other people’s problems, and they know how to keep their healing information to themselves, and not heal everyone.

They know how to be senior in their own inner space and understand that people create problems to learn as spirits and that healing them, i.e., changing the energy affecting them, is not always appropriate.


One of the best things that empaths can do is to learn how to end healing agreements and stop healing everyone around them in a completely out of control fashion. This is what the psychic institutes teach.

The “out of control empath’s” essential problem is that they are giving away all of their healing information, and energy, to others to the point where they have none left for themselves; this does not effectively help people.

It creates karma.

So, creating a relationship with a narcissist is a great way for a spirit in a highly sensitive body to start to make positive changes in their life when it comes to seniority over their own space and healing energy. Someone has to teach empaths to say no. Someone has to show empaths where they are refusing to take responsibility for owning their seniority. Someone has to show empaths the pictures, and habits, they are stuck in that do not allow them to run their own control energy.

Ideally, it is a learning experience and the empath can change all of those behaviors, beliefs, and patterns, to create a different, and more validating, relationship; but without clairvoyant tools that can be very difficult.

We create through the pictures in our inner space as spirits. So if we don’t destroy the pictures limiting us – actually sit down in meditation and visualize those images exploding or decide to change our inner beliefs – then we will simply create the same situations over again, because the sub-conscious mind does not know any different.

It may sound patronizing to say this, but problems are simply spiritual opportunities in disguise. Of course it is hard to really believe that unless you have the right tools and can consistently use them to change situations. I would surmise that most women do not want to hear that their relationship space is a spiritual development space, or growth space, and that they may have to learn from different partners before they are mature enough to be with their ideal mate.

We like to believe that loving another means accepting them completely, even with all their faults; that we should love people for who they are, not for who we want them to be. But what happens when there is a large gap between who that person really can be, i.e., what they are deeply capable of as a spirit, and who they are in present time?

With narcissists the gap is really large. The out of control empath unconsciously says, “heal them.” But maybe it is better to teach that person. But do we know when it is appropriate to help someone change, or to heal them, or teach them?

Spirit has the ability to be completely neutral to human circumstance. So a person’s spirit may be learning a lot from being a narcissist in their lifetime. And it may not actually be appropriate for that person to change just yet. Can you see into their karma and communicate with them as a spirit as to what they actually want?

Can you see when validating where someone is capable, rather than who they are now, is healthy, rather than a form of control? And can you see whether that person is really ready to have that communication? If someone doesn’t want to change, then saying no, and moving on, may be the only healthy thing you can do.

I have clairvoyantly read many hundreds of people over the past several years, and I have seen most relationships being created purely from a space of unconscious karma. I recently read a woman who felt intensely conflicting feelings of love and despise for a man who was attracted to her; in this lifetime the man was a bumbling idiot, and she even said so. But in her past life she was deeply in love with him; she was completely stuck on that past life karma.

Another woman I read wondered whether she should contact a narcissist ex-boyfriend who was suspected of having killed several people, although it was never actually proven. And even another woman I read had an obsessive fantasy about wanting to be kidnapped that had its root in a very strange past life where she actually fell in love with her kidnapper.

The unconscious pull of karma can be incredibly potent. It is the level most people are creating their relationships at on the planet. So, being able to end your karma at will, and experience the immediate effects of doing so, is a very important tool to have. Most people today seem to have the idea that powerlessness, or lack of seniority, over your karma is inherently baked-in to it. However, when you have clairvoyant tools, this becomes a lie.

Empaths without tools are almost always stuck in healing agreements and healing games.

Ending karma is not about healing; it is about leveling the playing field back to a space of neutrality and free choice. Although one may receive a form of inner healing from ending karma, one can argue that the ability to end karma is actually senior to the ability to heal, because if you can end the karma then you can avoid the entire manifestation process in the first place.

The great thing about understanding the energetic intricacies of different situations, and having the clairvoyant tools to deal with them, is that in order to change your life you only need to do more meditation and energy work. You learn to create from the effortless space of the higher chakras.

And then, generally, the formula for life becomes 90% meditation, 10% action. I would tenuously suggest that if you are taking more than 10% action and not seeing the results you want then your inner space simply needs more work; and sometimes that can mean months of meditation. But when you create from the sixth and seventh chakras you need to take very little, and, many times, no external action.

The journey of people who identify as empaths, in today’s world, is to move from the second chakra, a space of sensuality, feeling, and body emotion, into the heart, and then into the sixth chakra – a clairvoyant space. For many people, this can take years.

In cases where we are having emotional trouble, or feeling stuck, it is often because there is a sub-conscious picture that we have fallen into and failed to see clearly. That is the task that these psychic institutes teach with so many different tools: how to destroy, i.e., transform, energy and get neutral to your pictures so that you can clear away all the past life junk, unconscious programming, healing agreements, limits, pain, and thousands of other things – so that you can actually be in your body as a spirit.

The ability to destroy a mental picture is the most fundamental way of changing your entire life.

I have seen a lot of highly sensitive people, empaths, – and people who live from their hearts – who have difficulty with destroying. One woman I read even recoiled at the suggestion that she destroy a simple flower. What inevitably happens with people who have no permission to destroy is twofold.

Firstly, they become completely programmed by other people’s control energies (because they have no self-permission to destroy those energies) and, secondly, they end up channeling other spirits to do the work of destroying for them, when they need to change. The problem with the latter is that it can easily turn into a recipe which can ruin a person’s entire life, and even future lifetimes.

Life is a dynamic process of creating and destroying.

So it makes sense to look at who you are, who you want to become, how you want to change, and what you want to experience through a relationship. Empaths, especially, need to define what they want to receive out of a relationship. Unfortunately, empaths can easily fall into the pit of losing their own sense of self when they are around a significant other.

An empath, and really anyone who is paying attention to their own inner space, needs a level of energetic separation from others that most people do not really understand. Our culture is great at teaching people how to lose their space, but outside of the psychic institutes there is very little usefully comprehensive information on how to actually have one’s space as a spirit in a body.

Most of our cultural fantasies about love boil down to losing oneself inside another, i.e., losing one’s space and seniority, doing anything for love, etc., rather than gaining more clarity and awareness over oneself as a spirit.

Love requires more than just affinity and karma to be successful; it requires incredibly clear communication, clear vision, and a myriad of inner tools and practical transformative spiritual information that can guide a couple along in their journey together – without which one is left with drama, games, and out of control transmedium energy.

As an empath, one must also be able to define, and stand by, the things that make one senior in one’s own space. What does that even mean? It means saying no to doing things you don’t actually want to do, i.e., being senior to guilt and cultural, or parental, programming that tells you what you are “supposed to do.” It means cutting out people from your life who are a net negative influence and ending enough karma with them so that they do not return.

It means spending years meditating. It means being responsible for running your own creative energy through your space and kicking everyone else out, even if it makes them mad that you are no longer healing them. It means saying no to the energy, people, and situations that do not validate you and saying yes to what does validate you.

The alternative is living off of karmic scripts, and unconscious pictures, programming, foreign control energy, and past life agreements – and delaying the inevitable work of destroying all those foreign pictures, and energies, in your inner space in some future lifetime.


Josh Schultz is a professional clairvoyant, author, and teacher. He works with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area and online. He teaches practical spiritual tools to change your life. Learn more about his work at https://www.thrivemeditation.com/

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Holly Flores says September 17, 2020

I am a 42 yr old that has just recently, within 5 yrs, started to understand this entire realm of being an empath. I recently have felt as though i am losing my mind. I need some guidance plz. Anyone near nw ohio. PLEASE!!!

    Kim Saeed says September 17, 2020

    Hi Holly,

    We don’t know of anyone specifically in Ohio. However, we have excellent programs for sensitives and empaths, and basically anyone trying to heal from narcissistic abuse and/or rebuild their identity. You can find more information here: https://courses.letmereach.com/



7 Painful Truths All Empaths Must Eventually Face About Narcissists - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says July 13, 2019

[…] world boasted an Empath’s qualities, we’d live in a Utopia.  But, sadly, the world is full of manipulators who seek out and exploit people with the Empath’s character traits, such as […]

Julia Rose says September 16, 2018

I have grown far past these troubles,decades ago.–In Your “It creates karma” paragraph,”creating a relationship with a narcissist “, can help.Yet one must way caution’-As a Narcissist can destroy one.

Anonymous says September 16, 2018

I have grown far past these troubles,decades ago.–In Your “It creates karma” paragraph,”creating a relationship with a narcissist “, can help.Yet one must way caution’-As a Narcissist can destroy one.

Page Mashburn says September 5, 2018

This is what I believe I’ve been praying for. I understand it, and knew it was true as soon as I started reading. I’m excited to learn more and strengthen my spirit.

Lori Passarelli says August 3, 2018

Extremely helpful information. Thank you so much for sharing it.

7 Painful Truths All Empaths Must Eventually Face About Narcissists - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed says July 17, 2018

[…] world boasted an Empath’s qualities, we’d live in a Utopia.  But, sadly, the world is full of manipulators who seek out and exploit people with the Empath’s character traits, such as […]

Holly says May 12, 2018

Thanks for this

Connie says March 12, 2018

Hi Kim!! Thank you so much for this video! I am an empath & went No Contact 4 months after 11 yrs of Narcissist abuse. Needless to say, I’m a broken person!! I signed up for your Boot Camp & Im working on that now. I couldn’t find the worksheets you were talking about downloading after this video. I’m not very computer minded so I probably just don’t know where to look for it at. I really need help with Trauma Bonding also. Thank you so much for all you do to help so many people.

Ardis Adriana Fagerholm says March 2, 2018

How, where can I learn the tools that you speak of?

Freedom says March 2, 2018

I’ve meditated for yrs. Meditation changes us on many levels from our body fluids,hormones, which impact emotions and actions.. The most I get out of this is not be a people pleaser or let me say a spirit pleaser. Also to be true to yourself, we reap what we sow.

Jayce Allen says June 24, 2015

Reblogged this on Mainshock.

MerryJoy1 says March 22, 2015

Got some big Goosebumps reading this. Josh Shcultz and Kim Saeed, yhank you for the help/education I have been learning about. It really makes a big difference when something is taught or explained in simple, easy terms. Like I just got a big piece of puzzle and will now get that puzzle finished sooner than I thought!

aislinnvox says March 3, 2015

Reblogged this on Aislinn "Vision" Vox "Voice" and commented:
Stunning article my teacher and I stumbled upon.

Ether says February 25, 2015

It is great how this dangerous territory is finally being road mapped for people to see clearly.

pascalleah says February 24, 2015

One of the absolute BEST an most comprehensive article I have read. You nailed SO many points. <3

    Kim Saeed says February 24, 2015

    Thank you! It was actually a guest submission by Josh Schultz. I agree, it’s absolutely one of the best I’ve read!

nicolasguywilliams says February 24, 2015

Thankyou … (I think as an empath I needed to read that just now)

    Kim Saeed says February 24, 2015

    Thanks, Nicolas. The author of the article really knows his stuff 🙂 I found it brilliant!

Tricia says February 24, 2015

What a brilliant piece of writing! It struck me so personally and explained what I have experienced the last few years.
Being an empath, I believed it was my role in this life to ‘heal’ people!…..to my own detriment….even causing illness. After a short affair with an ex (yes, I am married), a true narcissist, my intuition made me end it. It was painful, difficult, but I knew it was for a reason.
That ‘reason’ was elusive! It took a lot of reading, brought me to this site, self-evaluation etc. Slowly, I learned to say ‘No’. To anything and anyone who made me uncomfortable. My conditioning told me I was selfish, yet I was drained….no energy….exhausted. Therefore, I was forced to change. Not only in my relationships with family and friends but also my business.
Looking back, now, what a transformation! I have boundaries. And the one thing that amazes me is that I have more respect. From others and also for myself.
Because I have ‘de-cluttered’ I am able to help those genuinely in need (sometimes all that is needed for them is a short conversation – so many have told me how I have re-energised them and shown them positivity! Wow, what a powerful thing that is, to be told!) and my business is a pleasure every single day.
I still have to remind myself, am still learning so much, but I’m so thankful for being able to change. It is an ongoing lesson.
I am eternally grateful to these ‘insights’ you post, Kim.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Holly says May 12, 2018

    Tricia, you’ve stated it all perfectly.

Teresa Song says February 23, 2015

Kim this is amazing! Thank you!!!

Gratefully! Teresa

Sent from my iPhone


firenice84 says February 23, 2015

Oh wow! This explains a conversation I was having with someone just this morning with more clarity! Thank you so much!

anonymous says February 23, 2015

I had a lot of trouble saying no and pleasing others. I was totally lost but I learnt a lot about myself and had to cut ties with a lot of people that l realized believed and listened to someone they barely knew. Knowing what your values are and what you believe in were aspects of importance that I became aware of that would really help me build on changing old patterns that were attracting awful people in my life. I knew they were not good for me but I didn’t value me enough. I sought help and I’ve begun a transition to becoming a much healthier me. I don’t have many in my life now but I’m content with where I’m heading in life.

Tara says February 23, 2015

The wounded or unhealed healer may be particularly susceptible to the vampiric drain of a narcissistic partner. Blind spots can really bite us in the back. With my narcissist, I was lucky, because I has learned energy techniques to clear vows and oaths when I recognized black karma operating to pull me to him. So once I went into no contact, cord cutting and vow severing with traditional psychotherapy was essential. Still, it was a constant practice for a good 4 months before the pull was totally gone. Even now, I still stay very aware of any energy residue that could play with my emotions. He was a snake. I keep that in mind alot. Otherwise, he has an opening. If not for energy medicine, I would have had a tug of war to break free for much longer to my detriment.

Nancy Peden says February 23, 2015

Wow, what timing ! I just told my violent brother that there would be no contact and if there was I would take out a restraing order and he would would lose his enormous gun collection.
And I no longer allow my ex to stay in my house. I feel safer than I may ever have. Lots more to tackle but I am so grateful I weep.

Nancy Peden says February 23, 2015

one more thought/feeling. i have many genetic mutations in my neurotransmiiters and i am about to take two days away from my natural suplements for a lab test and am terrified, given what i had to do recently. i think kim and josh are wrong; narcissists are great at abondonment. i know. my brother who terrified me with calls of admiration and then suicide, ignored me for ten years. when i had no choice but to return to live near him, i tried to be the foolish loving sister. what a fool i have been. i will not hear from any of my family now. but i will with some grace get the abuse out of my body.

so scared now when i had felt so strong. i know it doesn’t sound like much, but just giving up b vits for this lab test for two days will be very difficult; i am positive for ptsd, bipolar, gad, mdd and schizophrenia, though i express none of these when on the correct nutrition. please pray for me to become an individual.

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