emotional vampirism

Have You Been a Victim of Emotional Vampirism?

Sharing is caring

Written by Ven Baxter

Some of the greatest teachers and healers in history have famously been murdered–presumably by “negative” people. Jesus and Socrates both come to mind.

Presumably, these great teachers and healers did not heal these negative people, despite being close enough to them to be killed by them.

These negative people who would murder a great teacher or healer were, presumably, hurt people.  After all, as they say, “Hurt people hurt people.”

Presumably, “hurting people” would include murdering great teachers or healers–instead of being healed by them.

Hurting people does indeed cause negativity.  Nevertheless, those hurt (“negative”) people still have free will. For this reason, not only is it impossible to make a negative person positive, i.e. to heal a hurt person, but it would be wrong to do so unless you had that person’s consent.

In real life, however, when someone wants to (emotionally) heal a “negative” person, the negative person is often only seeking to take and use some of that person’s positive energy to alleviate his or her own suffering.  In other words, the purpose of taking the positive person’s positive energy is only to make the negative person feel better temporarily, not to “heal” them at all!

This is practically the definition of a Narcissist: someone who takes positive energy from another person in order NOT to heal themselves.

This energetic (emotional) transfer depletes the other person’s positive energy, “spreading” the negativity to himself or herself. The negative person now expends the newly-acquired positive energy like fuel, while the positive person must restore it somehow.

This is emotional vampirism at work.

Human beings are indeed pure positive energy at our core, but the way to heal negativity is not to douse it with positive energy, as in dousing a fire with water. The way to heal a negative (hurt) person is to get rid of negativity through energetic (emotional) RELEASE–and this is an inside job.

This is how a negative person’s own pure positive energy can come forth from the core–in place of the negativity that now has been released like a champagne bottle’s cork.

Other people can help facilitate this inner process, if (and only if) the negative person is willing, but anyone who stays too close to a lot of negativity, for too long, is at risk of “acquiring” negativity in the process. This is why teachers and healers must replenish their own positive energy in various ways if they are to remain positive themselves.

It’s also why survivors of Narcissistic abuse frequently end up with “fleas” to get rid of. These are negative qualities acquired from the Narcissist, through the transfer of positive energy to him or her, in an attempt to heal a negative (hurt) person.  But the Narcissist is only pretending to want to be healed, in order to keep the positive energy flowing freely…to the Narcissist.

Many people have sacrificed themselves trying to heal other people’s negativity, literally for nothing–except a lesson on this subject, if they’re lucky. Then they learn that they can only heal themselves. 

And then, guess what?

They DO.

Ven Baxter lives in Florida, where he works as a canoe outfitter, teaches, writes, and enjoys being father to his three children.  You can find this article on his blog, Ven Baxter – Go deep into the nooks and crannies of life and the human experience…

There are so many people just like you who have taken a stand against their abusers.  They’ve gotten a taste of the good life–and that taste of freedom is too sweet to turn back to the lives they had before.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and it’s okay to admit you need help. If you’re ready to go deeper now, check out my therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery. This program is so effective, counselors and therapists refer their clients to it and it’s also shared in shelters across the U.S.  You can see for yourself here.

Sharing is caring

Leave a Comment:

Hunter Pardy says May 24, 2020

WOW,knowing what I’m still learning about,this affliction.and applying it to my own situation.with my ex,30 years later really is enlightening.no more self abuse towards myself.thank you

How to Get Rid of a Narcissist for Good - 6 Effective Ways - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says January 7, 2020

[…] This step is critical because it’s easy to mistake the narcissist’s attempts to contact you as meaning they miss you when in reality, they only want your energy.  This energy may be positive or negative, it doesn’t matter.  To the narcissist, they’re equally fulfilling.  In fact, they often enjoy negative energy more.  This is what is meant by emotional vampirism.   […]

Geraldine says November 1, 2019

I was trying to explain to someone who is with a narcissist she says and certainly sounds like an abusive relationship what is going on although it was a rather triggering experience to hear what had been done to her if I’m honest. However, I did say you’re trying to persuade someone with an untreatable personality disorder to not be like that. I think the main problem is that narcissism doesn’t present as a serious personality disorder at first although there were alot of signs in hindsight of course.

When a Narcissist Leaves You Alone - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says July 29, 2019

[…] people describe narcissists as black holes, who take people’s energy and give nothing in return.  Then, they simply move to the next source with no idea of the value […]

7 Signs That “Radical Acceptance” May Be the Next Step in Your Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says July 7, 2019

[…] 2. You find yourself explaining logical reasoning to them. You might say, “No, this isn’t true. If this isn’t true, then that can’t be true, either!” They accuse you of wrongdoing, based on how they feel or because of some unrelated event. They ask questions out of the blue about your whereabouts or activities, which seem to have no bearing on your actual life. Then they might condemn your truthful explanation as suspicious. In an argument, they form illogical or emotion-based conclusions that end the conversation—defying rational debate, leaving you frustrated and speechless. […]

Shirley Akpelu says March 8, 2018

Emotional vampirism is true. I call it demonic transfer. The demon narc transfer their evil energy which leaves fleas to the victim while sucking the victim’s positive traits. So everyone believes you are the crazy one who is full of anger and bitterness and they are the spiritual, strong, believer who is being wrongfully accused of being a narc demon. I relayed this to my best friend only. She was dumbfounded. I cannot relay this to everyone. They will not understand it. Most people think I should be able to get over this like right now not knowing what they are talking about. They know nothing of narc abuse and how it affects. I am just glad I have started to heal and recover but those fleas are still hovering around my head. One day they will be gone too. I look forward to that day. I am doing and saying things that I never would. I believe it is because of the abuse that took place. Well, I have a choice and I choose freedom and wisdom. I choose boundaries. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I choose to heal and not seek another relationship now. I choose LIFE not death!

    Elizabeth says March 12, 2018

    Dear Shirley, I completely relate to you. May we all heal from this evil abuse. Sending you much love, Elizabeth

Sue says March 8, 2018

Makes so much sense to me…

mskathybwells12 says March 8, 2018

This is also true. There is another really sad thing going on. My husband, who was actually diagnosed with severe narcissism by our counselor, started going to online sites and claiming that I was the narcissist and emotional vampire. He even had his daughter write a really nasty text me accusing me of all kinds of things that just were not true. I now understand it was all just part of the smear campaign. They really are very predictable and all have the same pattern of behavior. It’s been almost a year and I’m starting to deal with the complex PTSD. It’s a long hard road in so many ways. I’m so grateful for this website for giving information and support.

    Kim Saeed says March 8, 2018

    Awww, thank you, mskathy. I’m so happy to know you are receiving help and validation on my site 🙂 I wish you all the very best as you continue to heal.

    Kim XoXo

chand sitare says July 25, 2016

yes was involved with an emotional vampire. literally drank all my blood , had to get a whole transfusion(therapy !!!) I have a question. How is the relationship between couples who r both narc? I have firsthand seen a couple who r both narcs, do they feed off each other, r they co dependent of each other to stroke each others egos? r they happy? i wonder what happens behind close doors of this couple?

    venbaxter says August 14, 2016

    That’s a great question. Here’s a link to a great article that deals with the answer.


icatchstarfish says April 27, 2016

No worries. keep the insightful energy going

    venbaxter says August 14, 2016

    I hope you do the same, Sherry!

icatchstarfish says April 27, 2016

WELL SAID my friend! Several years ago; I began my journey toward my “TRUE SELF.” My growth continually hit a wall, no matter what I did or didn’t do. My marriage had long been “in trouble.” It was my fault. I was always sick with something. I was the alcoholic/addict to pain pills. I was. That was it! I WAS always something. Reality was I was married to a N/P with his own demons. I was always the problem but could never been the solution. I BELIEVED I was the problem. Somehow I found a new path through despair, but this new path began with what I had lost:HOPE. I would try to explain HOW I felt but it sounded insane. I felt empty. My soul was empty and it was getting more and more difficult to replenish. Truth was I was only ONE part of “the problem.” My n/p husband was a HUGE part of this mountain of issues. The more I grew, the greater the tensions. The only way I could think to capture how I was feeling was explaining it energetically. How could I explain to my therapist I felt my husband was feeding off my energy and the more I tried to keep my energy mine, the hungrier he grew? I could FEEL him coming as soon as he was on our street. This “fog” of gray, hungry ooze was seeping in the house. Sure, I tried meditating and detaching my roots from him. I tried a protective bubble to keep his energy out. I tired being Mary Fucking Sunshine; that eased the energy battle some but everything was temporary. I even gave in to his demands but all that left when dust settled was my anger and resentment.
I did not tell my therapist my husband was an energy vampire out to destroy me. I did not tell anyone – at first- I thought he was trying to kill me both physically and spiritually. I quit therapy. I found others that understood energies and shifts in the cosmos. I grew. The Soul Energy Battle became a war. All those years, trying to solve this problem of my life- I could get part of the equation but no answer. I finally solved for X. Only way I could survive was making him my ex. Everything was NOT my problem. I played a big role, but so did he. he would NEVER accept ANY responsibility for anything negative while took all the credit for things positive- even if he had no role. Through a series of events, I FINALLY FILED FOR DIVORCE. It will be two year next month I filed. I did not know how serious of a retaliation I would encounter from him. I barely escaped emotionally and dealing with the physical ramifications when so drained on every level. Year one was about survival. Getting out and getting a new home. Long, LONG story that is probably very similar to other who escape the energy vampires in a relationship. I found myself saying, “Hi I am Sherry and i will be your hostess today in hell. Will you be staying with us for a while?” I cursed those that told me, “It can’t get any worse.” Uh believe me, it can and it did. YEAR TWO is about healing. Began very slow but has momentum. It is funny though, “normal” people begin to soften over time. My first divorce dragged out but it was so benign compared to this divorce. But my first husband softened and we were able to talk and raise a son separately but together. This divorce? He did everything he could to push me away and into filing. He would never have filed so he could blame me and play the victim. He is just as hostile and …awful as he was those first months. We have two amazing girls to raise. Oh they see what he is. My nine year old broke down one day recently, she told me she hates being at the house (of course he refused to move out of our house so I moved), it makes her sad because he has changed things a little, but enough to remind her what life was when first moved. She told me, “the house is always cold, not temperature cold- the other cold. the kind that can’t get warm.” She told me, she gets sad “looking at Daddy’s work badge” Perplexed she explained, the badge has daddy’s picture on it from when we moved here and he was happy, but comparing the way he LOOKS NOW compared to THEN. I had pulled out pictures from when we first married; my hair was totally different being long, blond curls. But the girls recognized even though my hair has been red all their lives and I was much thinner. They asked who was with me in the picture; it was their father. The girls both see life with all their senses. Smudging is a regular process and we talk about “wonky energy” and “good vibes” I still feel his energy seeking me out. he is on girlfriend #2 who is very young. Girlfriend #1 was so much like me felt “Single White Female” She remains in his field and loyalty. Mutual friend tried to warn her. I made a mistake of commenting on a tweet. They found me again. I have to have various identities anonymously on social media. Until divorce finalized, I have to be careful. I have multiple diagnoses now– which I KNOW can be healed through alternative methods. But I cannot work so rely on financial support from him. He could stop it any moment and leave me with no way to pay bills. Yes, I can take him to court but by the time court comes around, I would be homeless. I don’t know how to help my girls live in the Kingdom of Doom. Barely got 50/50 custody. I am forever tied to my vampire. I stay quiet unless online and then its risky. But I need more help. Like he is a tumor in my brain with tentacles dug in deep.
Along this journey, I have also learned the value of honoring the TRUE SELF, the one that feels positive and negative. I embrace anger, jealousy and rage and much as I embrace happiness, peace and joy. So many people deny this human emotions and I have come to believe recognizing ALL feelings is an integral part of authenticating the self. I have not found a way to detach completely nor heal the body. I am on the right path that began when I took action to leave an environment so entrenched with negativity it was killing me. Action. Thank you for your words.

    venbaxter says August 14, 2016

    Hi, Sherry. Thank you for sharing part of your story here. I apologize for not seeing your comment until now.

    I am the author of this article, but Kim re-blogged it here and (still being a newbie at the networking part of this) I don’t know how to follow comments on re-blogged posts.

    At any rate, I see your insights in your words here, and I invite you to read directly on my blog. I’ll post a link here to my latest article, which I believe will also resonate with you.

    Thank you.


    Anonymous says December 20, 2016

    Very good ..We must have recovery paths the same as other victims just like how the stories are all the same. Truly Unbelievable to someone that it had not happened to,and yet it is happening .Awake Now

Leandra Martinez says April 27, 2016

I have gone through this recently. I have become strong enough to be able to notice when my narc starts doing his lil skits as I call them like gas lighting and playing the victim, but then he called a month ago wanting me to counsel him to not be a narcissist; I had already done my research and told him there is no cure but that I would help when ever he wanted a counsel and well still waiting for that counsel that I now know will never happen. He called me today telling me the drama he had with his kids mom as if we are friends and I can say that I told him I didn’t have time to hear him play victim and to go get some licensed help. Reading the email you sent has given me a lil satisfaction since it shows that I did everything right. I still have a tough time sleeping at night though so if you have any suggestions I would love to hear it.

    venbaxter says August 14, 2016

    Hi, Leandra. Rather than being outwardly mean with your Narcissist ex (which may feel good and empowering to you, but also feels good and empowering to HIM, and might as a result be counterproductive), you might try the technique known as “gray rock”.

    You can look this up and find info on it, but it basically means that you become emotionally unresponsive to the Narcissist, even if he crossed a boundary (like you described).

    Instead of giving him a piece of your mind (i.e. “supply”), just listen briefly and politely while saying, “Mm-hm. Uh-huh. That’s too bad. I understand. Hey, I gotta go. Thanks. Bye.”

    The Narcissist feeds on your emotional energy, whether positive or negative. So cut it off.

Lynette d'Arty-Cross says April 26, 2016

Yes. I agree completely. I also had to get rid of my “fleas” after I left the narcissist.

Add Your Reply