I have this this friend that I have known since I was 12 yrs old, we went out on a couple dates throughout the years but have only remained casual friends. Recently I broke up from a very excruciating 4 year relationship with a lesser Narc, I say that because I believe I have met a greater Narc in this friend. He knew I was going through a rough time & came alongside me to support me through the break up. He also was in a 4 yrs relationship which he said was not working because she would not move to the state in which he is in & just got divorced &,did not want to get married again. He told me he wanted a wife & wanted to get married. Well to cut a long story short. He only likes to text, he hardly likes to go anywhere. He wanted a friend with benefits but I said no. I told him he had to decide on his relationship with the other woman before anything could develop between. Well he told me they he broke it off & we spent time together after that. Then he started to act strange towards me & tell me we are too different & he doesn’t see how it could ever work. Then he told me the other night that he is stressed because he is trying to decide which woman to love. I lost it & told him about his you know what & that he lied to me. He said I heard what I wanted to hear. I believe he is a Narcissist from all I have learned but he could be worse.

[…] where it’s only a matter of time before they resume their maltreatment of you. If you see such warning signs in your relationship, try these more effective methods for maintaining your personal power and showing up for […]

Can you decode this… After six months of nc on my part and ignoring every hoover attempt and blocking him everywhere I can think of…
He has a new gf btw and just got back from deployment a month ago (in which time he fell in love w her, over the internet by “meeting” through a mutual friend. He is now HER “soulmate” after not even meeting and now they have actually spent a month together in physical situations). He is moving much faster w her than w me. At least he called me jis soulmate two weeks after we actually met. Lol.
Anyway the message read “just wanted to let you know I’m back in the states in case you were wondering or worried. Take care -*insert name here*”. I’ve ignored him for SIX MONTHS and blocked him and he us delusional enough to think I care about his wellbeing?!?
There’s more to the story but you get the gist.

excellent post! hit the nail on the head!!!!
NARCS DONT stay yet they DONT really go either…. Thy always have their contacts in their ph, their SM accts, evryday thy have some supply to meet some need!!!!!! any need thy have/seek supply, period.
THYRE boring, fake, uncreative thy do EXACTLY the same pattern over&over just a minor tweek w/supply, period.
thy Never grow, think, thy just bulldoze through life, bulldoze!!!!!
it wl get better, you wl look at them in a different way, believe me.
THYRE NOT happy THYRE NOT in love
DONT buy into the smokescreen
N/C let them go, they let you GO
work on yourself day by day!
strength, courage , be open to your new life……. you’re ok ! working on yourself
is a priceless gift…..
‘^:^’

[…] Shady Shizzle from the Mouths of Narcissists (and Other Cheaters and Users) […]

[…] Source: Shady Shizzle from the Mouths of Narcissists (and Other Cheaters and Users) […]

I could hear many of those in his voice…
The line I heard a LOT during the friends stage (err… grooming stage) was “You’re the only one I can – talk to about this / understands me / helps my PTSD” and of course “My kids love you so much – my son needs a Mum / I need help with my daughter”
Grant raised another flag statement, now very recognizable to me, that’s a gut-wrencher.
Narc = no compassion, no shame, if they can speak, EVERYONE is fair game (I’m a Post Narc Poet 🙂 )
Another great post Kim <3

Last comment from me for now:
One of my favourites:
QUOTE: I’ll never leave you
SUBTEXT: [Why would I do that? Even if I disappear for weeks or months, I’ll be back when all other sources of Narcissistic Supply have dried up. You can count on it!]

Another one from same N. while I’m on the ball:
“I’d rather be with you but I’m kinda trapped..”
SUBTEXT: [I have a wife and 2 children, the perfect alibi for avoiding intimacy with someone else. ] Nota bene he was not married when I met him. Forced marriage to one of the two women he was cheating with while living with me. Sill trying to keep me as backup.

One more classic from ex-.Narcissist partner of 8 years (said in a histrionic voice without any prompting from me):
“I know what you need! (Followed by an example: you need constant attention and spoiling from me.. Nota bene: He complained about his Ex Fiancee, who evidently he had never completely and definitively broken up with – still wanting attention and “spoiling” when she visited his city. Spoiling included holding hands, being picked up and dropped off, being invited to events, etc). Obviously too much trouble for him!!
SUBTEXT FOR ME: I didn’t want to give her the attention she craved. Such a nuisance. So don’t you expect anything either!! If I invite you out (to events where he was performing as a musician) keep a low profile and pretend you’re not with me.

Wow, this post is so powerful and spot on !!! It made me laugh and cry at the same time, it felt like you were talking about my on experience, thanks so much ! Much gratitude to you ! <3 <3 <3

Another one to add. We will be together as long as you want. This is in response to trying to clarify where the relationship is at. My interpretation now….you will probably leave me at some stage so I am already planning for it but when the relationship dissolves it will be your fault. Hindsight is great lol

Grant, you are right on when you say they have avoidant attachment as I am still recovering/healing from my narcissistic relationship and he has moved on to multiple dating partners as if our three years together and sharing a home and having a baby together meant nothing to him!

Hi Kim, I am reaching out to you as I am in the planning stages of a Divorcing With Grace Summit and would like to discuss the summit with you. Is this the correct email? Blessings, Kristen

Kristen Darcy http://www.kristendarcy.com

Celebrating the 10th Anniversary of Love & Infertility: Survival Strategies for Balancing Infertility, Marriage and Life the recipient of RESOLVE’S 2009 Hope Award for Best Book! and Girlfriend To Girlfriend: A Fertility Companion

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One additional flag that comes early in the relationship. Narcissists are “tortured by loneliness”, and they have Avoidant Attachment. So, they have no emotional bonds that they need time to resolve after a relationship ends. For both reasons, You may find them in an another relationship within weeks. They will rationalize their wanting to date you with some form of this statement:
“Even though (my husband died two weeks ago OR I have just ended a relationship OR I am planning on ending…), I know I have a lot of love to give, and I shouldn’t cut myself off from… (making you my next source of ‘narcissistic supply’).”

Thank you Kim. Another brilliant post. Your list of common narcissist statements offers a way to monitor for that personality. The woman in my last, and I hope last, narcissistic relationship, used the “I am in a high status position”. She used this to rationalize not acknowledging our relationship during a weekly community event of which she was the chair (her rationale was “gossip”, despite our being a year into dating). She would not hold hands or acknowledge me during these evenings. I will say to your readers that there is little that one can do, as the narcissist will always criticize you for not “understanding” or “accepting” them as they are.
Thus we need to not start or end a relationship once one or more of these attitudes arises. The “I don’t think I can meet your needs” was the statement that triggered the end for me. My response was “I want to be in relationship with someone who is capable of meeting my needs. So I am ending our relationship.” She could not handle it, so to avoid her calls and emails, I blocked both (“no contact” as you recommend).
Thank you for your continuing contribution to helping others understand and decide not to remain in a narcissistic relationship.

Lol, I have heard quite a few of these in my conflicts with my narcissist. Some of them I can see through when he’s saying them but then others on here I’ve never put together. Thank you for the resource! Will repost.