The Time This Guy Thought I was a Hooker

I dyed my hair blonde too. 🙁 Glad I didn’t go through with the breast augmentation. Hindsight is 20/20, and happiness is the best revenge.

You made me think of a similar situation I had but in reverse. During the first of many break ups with my ex narcissistic girlfriend I met a woman in a bar I used to frequent. We had only been talking a short time when I casually asked if she had auburn hair. Her immediate response was no but that she could change it. I was immediately taken back and thought how bizarre that was. Keep in mind that I was just coming off a relationship with a woman who expected to be treated like a princess but was never completely happy no matter what I did for her. I dated this other woman for a while and learned that she had a whole string of relationships and cheated in every one of them. Of course she said that she would never cheat on me. That literally did make me laugh out loud. It appeared that she would instantly fall for someone, and probably almost anyone, but when she was disappointed she would go looking for the next one. I ended it with her and went back to unsuccessfully trying to make my narcissist happy for a few more years. The real lesson for men and women is to always be yourself and to behave naturally. If the other person can’t accept it then move on.

He keeps trophies from his exes, and tries to pass them off to the next one. He “gave” me a pair of knee high Doc Martin boots to wear with a dress that he bought me. Pulled them out of his attic, they were covered in dust. It weirded me out, but I wore them twice. I thought, why does he have these? They’re girls boots. After talking to the ex before me, after some recent happenings with his CURRENT supply (my ex friend), I found out those were HER boots, that he wouldn’t let her take with her when she left. He tried to give her a corset that was his ex wifes, and kept the two corsets that he bought for her. He only went as far as the boots for me, and I didn’t keep anything from him. His current is wearing the clothes that *I* left behind, but she knows full well that those were MY clothes. She has also dyed her hair the same color as mine, again recently, but I digress. He wanted to “dress me up” like his little doll, I guess. We’re living Barbies to him?

My ex controlled what i wore in an effort to make me look like crap. i was always “business casual” myself, after 12 years working in a bank and 12 years office management (so I can relate Kim) The very first time was just a few months after we started dating, it was both our Christmas staff parties on the same night. it snowed that night and he said it was too dangerous to drive. i threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt. Then he said lets go to the corner store and play in the snow. he was doing donuts in the snow with my little car and out of the blue he says, ‘oh the roads aren’t that bad, lets drop by my party.’ i protested, no makeup, my hair in a ponytail but off we went and he was still dressed for the party.
The next time we were moving and all my clothes (I mean every single piece of clothing I had) was in a huge sports bag on the back of his flat deck truck. I asked him to bring in my clothes for me because it was too heavy to pack and i would be leaving early in the morning for school. I got up in the morning, no clothes, i asked if he brought them in and he didn’t know what I was talking about. I went to get them myself, they were gone. Someone “stole” my clothes, they left two mountain bikes worth $1000 each, even took them off the top, took my clothes and put the bikes back on the truck. I had nothing to wear!! He didn’t count on all my friends at school raiding their closets and their friends closets. I ended up with a wardrobe to die for and way sexier than anything I would have bought for myself. Did my self confidence a world of good.
A year later almost to the day my van was stolen and it had almost everything I owned in it because I was on my way to do laundry. i know he had the van stolen.
once I got my truck and was self employed he would call and ask to meet for supper. I would say I was grubby and needed to change and he would insist he was grubby too and starving, just come as I was. Invariably he would be all cleaned up and I would be all grubby. He kept a clean shirt and cologne in his car so he could change on the run. Like Super Man in a phone booth. You never know when you might be called to rescue a damsel in distress.
The really weird thing was he always wanted to wear my jeans. He would insist they were his, I never had any jeans because he would get them all greasy. He would buy his so big they were falling off of him and I was so much tinier than him (and continually lost more weight) One day he is walking through the house wearing a pair of my jeans. I said they were mine and he denied it, I just laughed to myself, his balls much have been killing him; they were so tight he could barely walk, I don’t know how he got the zipper done up. They looked ridiculous!! A little while later i see him wearing his own jeans and I asked if they were more comfortable. He replied that I must have shrunk his jeans when I washed them.
Gaaawd! so glad to be gone from that craziness.

Mine didn’t like my NAME, it was too “country”, and also my voice, he wanted it to be sexier, not so whiny. And if I ever let my hair grow out of the pixie cut, we were THROUGH. And that “sh*t around my eyes” (crows feet) and he wasn’t used to being with someone like “ME”. He’d talk about it and then say “just saying, it’s not your FAULT about your voice, you can’t help it” but the damage was already done. I was so meek and so wanted to be just approved of, thank God my dignity finally got the better of me. It makes me really sad to think of myself back then. I feel sorry for me. oh well.

This is my story! My hair! My clothes. I cannot believe it!!!!!! I changed everything. Sent from Yahoo Ma

Oh God, I remember hearing this kind of comment. I told him to pay for the haircuts, etc if he wanted me to change. Lucky for me, we broke up over those arguments.

It started after about 20 years. I was 50 years old. Still good looking. We were on holiday and he was looking at my breasts and asked if I don’t want some ‘new ones’ for my birthday. I only looked at him. That was in a time I didn’t know what he really was. Some years later he wanted me to take a facelift. I didn’t do that either. Always saying that I should wear colorful clothes. I hate very colorful clothes. So I didn’t do that either. Wanted me to put on very stupid sexy clothes in bed and having very special sexual demands. Well I always kept my boundaries. And I am glad I did, because I already had to give in to much of myself.
Now after two years he is looking awful. And me, I am 62 years old and still looking good.
And another thing I didn’t do is having a child with him. I already had two. I am so glad I didn’t. So I have nothing to do with him anymore.

omg!.. Mine did the same thing to me. My hair wasn’t right, my clothes weren’t right, my makeup wasn’t right, and then when I’d change things up ..for him…it STILL wasn’t right! Thank god he didn’t want me looking like a hooker, because I’m sure I would have done the same thing you did, Kim. According to His Assholiness, my look wasn’t “classy” enough, so out with the old and in with the new! Then, after all that it was “who are you trying to impress?” What!!?? After 4 years of that BS (along with all the signature lying, cheating, gaslighting, blaming, slandering etc etc etc ETC) I packed all my belongings and found an apartment while he was gone on one of his week long ‘silent treatments’ (ie: f—k fest with a new supply he met on one of his many dating sites) and surprised him with that when he got home. I wanted to be gone by the time he got back, but the apartment wasn’t ready yet so I had to endure 8 days of .. you guessed it…crying, pleading and begging me not to move because he loves me sooooooo MUCH! gag .. After I got all moved and settled in I went shopping again… Out with the new and back IN with the old comfortable style that >I< like. That was a year ago, and I've been completely no contact now for 8 months. When I think back on all the insanity that came along with that relationship, I still can't believe I stayed and put up with it for as long as I did. Stepford Wife comes to mind when I try to describe myself during that time. Thank God I was never his wife so I was able to make a clean break and just walk away. I will never ever ever never ever let anyone treat me that way again… ever!!

love, love, love your humor

My ex did something similar, but in opposite fashion: he tried to get me to look dowdy. He constantly told me I was shallow for working out and trying to be fit. He would become furious if I spent any amount of time on grooming. He didn’t want me to spend any money on clothes. And because he pressured me to share his bad eating habits, I did gain weight. But now that I’m free of him, I’m looking, but more importantly feeling, better than ever!

Kim-I have been in counseling forv3-1/2 years. My counselor told me my ex was a narcissist but I did not understand until I started reading your articles. I am 63 and kid of hopeless at this stage. The divorce has drug on because he had a line of credit I was trying to trace and he and his attorney have put every block and stalling tactic they could. I feel very little hope, I am financially precarious and lost. I see no light. How do I regain my equilibrium and begin again? He took so much, my money, my pride and my confidence. Can you help? Edna

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Oh Kim I can totally relate, same exact alterations on the way I dressed, but I didn’t give in to the hair dyeing, everything about me, he keeps on checking and even the way I walk,I was stupid and blind just to please his idiotic requests, oh geez they’re all the same!!!!creepy scary, thanks again for validating, more power to you

That is so awesome….be yourself! Anyone that tries to change you in a demeaning fashion like that needs to eat your dust! Mine tried to talk me into getting my eyelids tattooed with permanent eyeliner oh hell no! So all the things I wouldn’t do, which he took as “you won’t do what you’re told, will you” left him looking, and finding, someone who would. For awhile. Games over.