love bombing

Love Bombing: 17 Key Signs You Should Never Ignore

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You’re in a new relationship, and this one feels so much different than all the other relationships. It’s fast, it’s exciting, it’s…perfect? 

Part of you feels anxious about moving so quickly, but another part of you can’t deny how good it all feels. Have you found true love, or is your new partner love bombing you? And what is love-bombing in the context of narcissistic relationships?

Here are the top warning signs you need to know. 

1. They Are Constantly Contacting You

How many times does your new partner call or text you? Does the relationship feel one-sided, where they seem to be reaching out much more than you respond? And when you do reply, do they get back to you immediately? 

A love bombing partner makes you their top priority. They want you to feel special and adored, but that’s also because they feel obsessed with you. They’re hoping that the continuous interaction will make you feel the same. 

2. They Want to Spend Every Moment With You 

Falling in love feels good- there’s no doubting that. When we feel attracted to someone, the body releases pleasant neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin to make us feel connected. 

So, it makes sense that you want to be receiving those consistent hits of ecstasy. But most people also have a rational side. They know the benefits of taking things slowly. They recognize the importance of getting to know each other over time.

However, if your partner wants to spend every moment with you- without any regard for the rest of your schedule- you’re probably getting love-bombed.

3. They Initiate Very Deep and Personal Conversations

It’s normal to want to learn more about each other as the relationship evolves. But a love-bomber seems to want to know everything about you very quickly. It’s like they want to read into your soul before you two even know each other’s birthdays!

This desire for closeness isn’t genuine. This person simply wants to know your weaknesses and traumas. Later, they will likely exploit those very vulnerabilities against you. 

4. They Compliment You Nonstop

You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. You’re the best person they’ve ever met.

The flattery feels great, but it can also feel overwhelming. After all, you can’t shake this nagging part of you that’s saying, you don’t really even know me yet! 

Love bombing is a form of abuse that narcissists often use to get close to others. They know that praise makes people feel loved. As a result, they will take it to the next level.

5. They Express Concern About Your Loved Ones

Love-bombing can be so insidious because it often looks so compassionate and generous. 

A narcissist, for example, might share how concerned they are about how your mother’s behavior affects you. At first, you just might assume they care deeply about your well-being. But really, they could just be trying to triangulate your family and isolate you from your support system.

6. They Badmouth Every Ex 

We all have issues with past relationships. That’s why they’re in the past! 

But if your partner can’t stop criticizing their ex- or can’t stop gloating about how different you are from them- pay attention! This isn’t a form of flattery. Instead, this toxic pattern likely means they take no personal accountability for the role they play in their relationships.

It’s also a sneaky way to get in some initial grooming.  If they tell you all the things they don’t like about their ex, such as how they complained all the time, this might cause you to bite your tongue when their behaviors turn sketchy.

7. They Lavish You With Gifts 

Is your new partner hinting about buying you a car? Are they lavishing you with expensive jewelry or surprising you with flowers each week at work?

Small gifts are an important part of showing affection. But if these gestures are excessive, it’s often a sign of control. They want to prove how good of a partner they will be. They also want you to feel indebted to their generosity. 

8. There’s a Sense of Secrecy 

Even though your partner may have no problem expressing their intense feelings for you, they may present as far more aloof around others. In fact, they might even request that you keep your relationship under wraps initially.

This can happen for two reasons. First, it may mean they aren’t actually committed to you (despite what they want you to believe). Second, part of them knows their behavior is irrational, and they don’t want others to point it out!

9. They Disclose Lots of Trauma

Of course, some of the crises may certainly be real. But does it seem like they might be exaggerating some of the trauma? Does it feel like they just want your empathy or compassion?  Some of the trauma is exaggerated? 

Your partner may go on and on about their past in an attempt to feign closeness with you. In addition, if they’re love-bombing you, they’ll also make statements about how you’re the only one who really listens or understands. These statements naturally put you in the uncomfortable position of feeling like you must be there for them unconditionally. 

10. They Want Excessive Reassurance and Validation

Along with all the compliments, flattery, and gifts, love-bombers want one thing most of all: your attention. They want to know you’re there for them, even when their true colors start to show.

And so, they will test your loyalty often. For example, they will make comments about how they aren’t good enough for you. Or, they will commiserate about how everyone always abandons them. 

Even if they believe these statements are true, it’s validation they’re seeking. But no matter how much you convince them, it will never be enough. 

11. They Use Words Like ‘Soulmates’ and ‘Forever’

Falling in love is a complex process. Once the initial attraction wears off, it’s normal for couples to need time to adjust to the new relationship. 

Therefore, it doesn’t make much sense for someone to know that they’re going to be with you forever. This new person doesn’t even know who you really are just yet.

12. They Show Signs of Obvious or Subtle Jealousy 

People who love-bomb feel they are entitled to their partners whenever they want. They seek control and power in the relationship. 

Spending time with other people or pursuing other hobbies will elicit their toxic jealousy. They may make subtle, passive-aggressive comments like, Oh, well, I was really looking forward to having dinner together. Or, they might be more direct and say, But I want to spend the night with you. Can you reschedule with them?

13. They Pressure You to Commit

A love-bomber wants to secure the relationship quickly. They feel threatened by the fear of you reconsidering their motives or pursuing other options. 

And so, they might ask you to move in just a few weeks after being together. Or, they will propose very quickly- long before you two seriously discuss the prospects of marriage. 

This pressure to commit can be both internal and external. You don’t want to feel guilty for hurting their feelings. At the same time, they certainly don’t hide how much they “care” about the relationship. This is because they know once they have you in a shared residence with them, ending things will be more difficult for you when you start seeing their true colors.

14. They Disregard Your Boundaries

Healthy relationships require healthy limits. One of the signs of love-bombing is that your partner doesn’t tolerate, respect, or even ask about your boundaries. They just assume that they can do whatever they want. 

And if you do set a specific boundary that they don’t like, they will often react with a sense of narcissistic rage. Depending on the situation, some toxic reactions may include criticizing you, gaslighting, becoming passive-aggressive, or even getting violent. 

15. You Feel Awkward Around Others

Do you find yourself downplaying your relationship when talking to others? When people ask about your partner, do you quickly change the subject?

If so, these behaviors could indicate that you recognize the relationship is problematic. You also know that others will probably judge or express concern about what’s going on. Unfortunately, this pattern can result in you isolating yourself from others, and this tendency gives your new partner more access to you. 

16. You Are Scared of Hurting Their Feelings 

This is another classic sign of love-bombing. If you feel like your partner is obsessed with you, you may feel like you owe them all your time and energy. Of course, part of you may also be obsessed, too!

That said, scheduling conflicts are inevitable. You will need to turn down a request or invitation at some point. But if you find yourself working mercilessly to avoid any relationship conflict or guilt, it’s because you have subconsciously picked up on their insecurities or jealousy.

17. They Stop Love-Bombing…Until Conflict Emerges

Nobody can maintain a love-bombing facade forever. In narcissistic relationships, your partner becomes bored, agitated, or disconnected at some point. When this happens, they start projecting all their anger onto you.

So, if the love-bombing only reemerges after a messy fight or the threat of you leaving, pay attention. They feel threatened, and they are counting on their “kind behavior” to lure you back into their drama.

What to Do if You Believe Your Partner Is Love-Bombing You

Love bombing is tricky because you want to give your new partner the benefit of the doubt. Likewise, if you’ve been hurt before, the desire for a happy, healthy relationship may cause you to overlook certain red flags. 

But if someone is love bombing you, relationship danger is just around the corner. This phase doesn’t last. Once the love-bomber realizes that you are only human, they tend to feel cheated and enraged. In response, they will transition into devaluing and discarding you.

Final Thoughts

Healthy relationships require a healthy sense of self. Learning how to let go of toxic patterns (and relationships) can be challenging, but it’s always worth the effort. Unfortunately, over time, abuse progresses- it can become so bad that you lose your entire sense of self.

No matter your circumstances, you are inherently deserving of love and happiness. It’s possible to break free from unhealthy cycles and find fulfillment and joy in life (and relationships)!

Get tools to honor yourself enough so that if red flags pop up in the future, you can walk away and mean it!

Check out my groundbreaking video course, THRIVE!

You will get video training (in digestible bursts) to help you create better boundaries, stop betraying yourself, and stop acting out of alignment with your own integrity. You’ll even be able to prepare yourself for true and authentic love. Restore your shattered identity and sense of self…and become a better version of YOU than ever before

Learn more here!

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jp says January 11, 2023

This must just be for relationships – or if the narcissist is your mother, as in my case, the level of love-bombing is so long due to a lifetime of abuse that it’s almost funny. For example, my mother sent me a birthday wish. It turned out it was only because she was trying to get something out of me, but my birthday is by another holiday and she sent an email greeting for that too so I felt it was love bombing. That comes from a lifetime of her ignoring and not caring about me.

John says January 18, 2022

I am in such a muddle that I just don’t know where to begin! I am English & have resided in Ghana, West Africa since June 2021. I am married (on paper) to a Ghanaian citizen. (Long story!) During this time I have discovered that I’m an HSP. I hadn’t even known that such a thing existed! Through this discovery it was revealed to me that I had ‘buried’ many traumas starting at age 3 & the last I recall was PTSD in 1952 through military service. In an effort to analyse & subsequently deal with this, I spent many weeks online with the Samaritans. They referred me to two websites through which I might receive help. I had by then realised that my Father was very likely a Narcissist. Thus I started to gather information on this subject, through which I now believe that my wife is also probably a narcissist….’shock horror!’ What is difficult for me to accept is that I am close to 90 years old, am virtually deaf & partially sighted hence am unable to use a phone or watch videos! As a War Veteran, I am seeking help in order to get myself repatriated whatever it takes! At this present time my future is looking bleak! However, I am convinced that I must get away in order to find some peace!

Anonymous says December 29, 2021

I have been repeatedly abused by sociopathic-narcissists. Fortunately not really physically. Not too much.The LAST one, I hope, was/is, along with a troop of others in tow, sociopathic-narcissistic-psycopaths(s). REAL KILLERS. I barely escaped with my life. A dear friend rescued me. Other friends had plans to attack him, which would also have impacted them. I decided to cancel out any violence, just in case of a back-fire. However, if it needed to come to aggression to protect myself and loved ones I would not hesitate. But a plan of safe, non-physical violence retaliation is best, of course. As I do not have children involved, a good thing. HIDE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. My fear is that this will be read by such DEMONS. My pets and others’ pets were harmed. Horrors of Horrors these DEMON ENTITIES. AVOID ALWAYS. AND READ ALL ADVICE AND FOLLOW WHAT KIM WRITES AND OTHERS SUFFERINING ABUSES WRITE.

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