It’s essential for people to have a healthy level of self-esteem, but narcissism is when someone has too much of a good thing. Narcissists have an inflated sense of ego that makes them feel and act like they are better than the people around them. This trait can be irritating when you see it in coworkers, acquaintances, or that annoying person at the bar.
However, narcissism can be far more harmful when it’s a character trait of a person you’re close to because it often leads to emotional abuse. One of the keys to overcoming narcissistic abuse is learning the tactics these individuals use to control a relationship.
In this article, we’ll discuss narcissistic abuse recovery and the Rule of Seven.
Why Narcissists Play Mind Games
Being a narcissist is harder than it may seem. Most people understand that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes, and this knowledge can be comforting whenever we make an error. However, a narcissist can’t accept that they’ve made a mistake or that something is their fault since that would be admitting that they aren’t perfect.
To avoid this, narcissists will go through spectacular mental gymnastics to blame someone else for any situation. For narcissists in a relationship, the people closest to them are the usual scapegoats for any problem.
The victims of narcissistic abuse in a relationship suffer because one partner is using the other as a tool to boost their ego. This abuse can lead to feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness in the person who is always shouldering the blame for the problems in the relationship. Any relationship that makes one person feel worse about themselves isn’t healthy for either person in the relationship.
The victim is robbed of their self-esteem and the emotional support they should get from a relationship.
And the narcissistic member of the relationship refuses any opportunity for self-improvement or a chance to address the real issues that the pair needs to face.
How Narcissists Use Confusion to Convince Other People
Victims of narcissistic abuse are subjected to mental conditioning that can make them feel like they’re losing their grip on reality. Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissistic abusers to confuse their partners or other people in their inner circle. Gaslighting occurs when someone tries to confuse another party about a situation by insisting the other person is mistaken about the facts.
This trick can be used for something simple, such as who was the last person to use an object that’s now missing. It can also be used to confuse a partner about major financial or relationship issues. Narcissistic members of a relationship may use gaslighting to convince their partner that there was less money in the bank account than they thought, or that clear signs of an affair aren’t what they seem.
It’s like that Shaggy song “Wasn’t Me” from back in the year 2000, where a person who was clearly caught in affair replies to every piece of evidence by saying “Wasn’t me.” It’s a funny song, but a sad reality for people caught in an abusive narcissistic relationship. When someone keeps telling them that up is down, or that left is right, it’s easy for victims to feel like they’re going crazy.
How Narcissists Use the Rule of Seven
Convincing someone to ignore the truth isn’t easy, which is why narcissists often use the Rule of Seven to their advantage. Generally speaking, the Rule of Seven is a marketing concept. It’s said that consumers need to hear a marketer’s message seven times before the information begins to stick, and for the consumer to take action.
Narcissists can use repetition in a similar way to convince others to share their point of view on an issue. They know that as long as they’re consistent with their answers that their target will begin to believe it, too, even if their information is completely false and unwarranted.
Most people will start to question themselves a little if the repetition is consistent. When they’re up against a narcissist, most people in a relationship will begin to doubt themselves before the narcissist admits that they are wrong. It makes sense that narcissists would use an influential tactic to convince their partner. But unlike the marketer’s product which is probably helpful in most cases, narcissists are selling a version of themselves that isn’t grounded in reality.
How to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse relies on self-doubt and prevents the other party from getting independent verification of the facts. The first step to overcoming these abusive tactics is to learn to believe in yourself again.
Narcissists rely on self-doubt as a stepping stone to change the belief system of their target. Do whatever it takes to fortify your belief in the facts you observe for yourself. For example, use your phone to snap a picture of important receipts or to make notes of when certain events happened. This way, when the narcissist tries to deny things a month or two later, you have something concrete that you can use to prove to yourself that you remember things accurately.
Unfortunately, all the evidence in the world won’t convince some narcissists to admit their mistake, but at least you can prove to yourself that you aren’t mistaken.
It’s also crucial for victims of narcissistic abuse to remain connected to their friends and family. Friends and family can help spot narcissistic abuse by acting as an independent verification source. If you talk to friends and family members about the issues in your relationship, they can remind you of what you said when the abuser tries to confuse you with another version of events.
The perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse rely on isolation to keep their victims from the help they need. It’s bad if the only person you talk to is someone who will do whatever it takes to avoid admitting their flaws. It’s only a matter of time before the constant confusion and self-doubt lead to lower self-esteem.
Victims also need to make it clear that they know what the other party is doing and that they won’t accept it as part of the relationship. You have to make it clear that you will walk away from a bad relationship rather than stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
It can be difficult to summon the courage to end a relationship. And it only gets harder the longer the two have been together and if their lives have become intertwined. However, no one should have to spend their life being a pedestal to boost the self-esteem of a narcissist.
If you don’t stand up for yourself or let the narcissist know that such behavior is unacceptable, they will continue using you as their emotional punching bag.
Conclusion
Narcissistic abuse is more common than people realize, and it can have many adverse effects on the victim. It lowers their feeling of self-worth and makes them question their own sanity. It can also lead to depression issues and the adverse health effects that this can cause. Any relationship that has such an impact on a person is toxic. Victims can either work to fix the situation or get out of the relationship. Unfortunately, narcissistic abusers can’t or refuse to change.
Victims need to put their mental health needs first, even if that means leaving a long-time partner or friend. If there are kids involved, your children’s interests are better served by parents who are in emotionally stable relationships. The only person that benefits from a relationship with narcissistic abuse is the narcissist.
Even after you leave a relationship with narcissistic abuse, there may be long-term emotional damage that needs to be addressed. Narcissistic abuse changes the way people think about themselves and the things they believe in. It’s vital to undo that damage before embarking on a new relationship. It’s also essential to examine any personal issues that may have made it easier for the abuser to manipulate your emotions.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and it’s okay to admit you need help. Unfortunately, too many advisers and consultants respond to narcissistic abuse in a way that can leave the victim feeling confused and invalidated. If this sounds like your situation and you’re ready to go deeper, check out the preferred, therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery. It’s the best place to begin a journey toward renewed self-worth and an end to feeling worthless.
