When Mr. Nice Guy Turns Into a Stalker

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~ By Jade Joddle ~

Warning – Trigger Alert!

The Borderline Traits Male in Psychosis

Have you ever been in a relationship with or dated a guy who, at first seemed to be perfectly reasonable and normal, but then out of nowhere turned into a scary stalker?

You may have been dating a guy with borderline traits who, due to his insecurity in love, entered an abandonment-triggered psychosis in which he lost control of his actions.

Watch 7 Red Flags of Dating a Psycho

(Voice over is slow to enhance “creepy” feel and nuance)

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhSxySoZV-w&w=560&h=315]

 

The term ‘Borderline Traits Male In Psychosis’ is my own for describing the kind of guy who is, generally speaking, a good guy except when his scary, stalkerish side emerges in a dating or relationship situation. He wants to love and be loved, but yet, he is so needy that it works against him. He comes on too strong and intense, which makes women run from him. It’s a vicious cycle: his desperation pushes women away, which then triggers a ‘stalkerish psychosis’ in him.

When this psychosis has him under its control, he will do anything, no matter if it is humiliating or even illegal, to get your attention. This happens because while in the grip of psychosis, he has completely lost any sense of self-restraint. If you have been on the receiving end of this possessive and obsessional stalking, you will know that it is very scary indeed.

If you are involved with a borderline traits male who switches into psychosis when his fear of abandonment is triggered, at some point you will likely find the need to take drastic action to get him to respect your boundaries and leave you alone. You may even be surprised by the amount of drama he creates when he becomes aware that you do not want to see him again.

To offer an example – you may have socialized with him or dated him a couple of times (during which you may or may not have been intimate). However, at some point alarm bells began to ring for you and you decided that you didn’t want to see him again. When he became aware of your loss of interest, unbeknownst to you, he was consumed by psychotic impulses. It was at this point that he stalked you or became aggressive, even violent.

The Warning Signs Are Always There

The psychotic male borderline is not able to hide his possessive and needy nature. While he may have good qualities to his character, he also has a dangerous and unpredictable switch within him.

One minute he may be Mr. Nice Guy who wants to do everything for you, then the next minute he blows up into a jealous rage over something imagined or very small. More than this, he is particularly dangerous because he has no control over his emotional outbursts. Even if he promises you it won’t happen again, he is not in control of this psychotic behavior and, therefore, is virtually unable to keep this promise.

The fact is, if you are involved with a borderline traits ‘psycho’, his fears of abandonment may be triggered at any moment. To be in a relationship with such a guy is like waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off.

Advice: Psychotic male borderlines are not able to control their violent outbursts. If you have seen him switch once, this is a major red flag that this man is not safe.

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5 comments
H H says March 29, 2022

This happened in 1979, before stalker awareness. He was the nice guy who wouldn’t go away. He called and asked for a date. I told him I wasn’t allowed and asked jow he got my number. He said he volunteered in the school office and pulled it from my records. He seemed annoyed I didn’t know who he was – “but I’m in your math class, I’m on Student Council” etc. I said I wasn’t allowed to date (true) and humg up. Next day he had his mother call mine snd ask her! My mom was easily snowed and agreed with out asking me. So I was stuck.

I did recognize him when he showed up – a fat, freckled guy with inch thick glasses from school and saying he was socially awkward is being kind. We went fot pizza and a movie and I thought okay, now I’m done. Thank God. But he thought that 1 date meant I was his girlfriend! Mom liked him, felt sorry for him and thought I was mean for not wanting to be his friend. He kept coming over. Every day. Telling him nicely that I just wasn’t interested in a relationship didn’t work. Being outriight rude didn’t work. Ignoring him didn’t work. All three just brought on floods of tears (and he cried like a toddler; loud WAILING and hard sobbing), pleading and bombardment by mail, the phone, unwanted drop-in visits.

I had a bad relationship with my parents anyway becsuse of my dad’s drinking. My aunt knew what was going on and let me move in with her. Mom gave him my aunt’s address and phone.

He bothered me at school until I graduated. He’d wait for me outside my job and follow me, begging and crying. Changing my number didn’t help. Moving didn’t help. He always managed to find me.

The police wouldn’t help because he never hurt me, threatened me or damaged property. He. Just. Wouldn’t. Go. Away!! One officer lectured me, saying he was sure I could get rid of him if I really wanted to that badly. (This was after he called me at work over 50 times during a shift, with my boss right beside me asking the cop if THAT sounded like I wanted him around!)

Sometimes he would sudden stop but just as I thought it was over here he comes again. My roommate came home for lunch one day and he was mowing our lawn!

It finally stopped when I moved out of town! I came back three years later for my mom’s funeral and my aunt told me how much she’d enjoyed meeting my boyfriend at the visitation the night before. I wasn’t seeing anyone. She frowned and said “The little guy with the big glasses.” It was HIM. I guess he saw her obit in the paper.

I told everyone he was NOT my guy and do NOT tell him ANYTHING about me! I managed to keep moving away from him after the graveside service. He called the director at the funeral home and my dad and tried to get my address “to send a condolence letter.” My dad told him never to come near our house again.

I didn’t go to my school reunion because I was afraid I would see him there. He tried to friend me on facebook once. DECADES later. Delete buttons do not work fast enough.

Reply
Need Help Please says July 28, 2015

Hi,

I’ve spent 1 year of my life with this kind of man (distance relationship, thanks God I never saw him). As you told it, he became mad when he understood I didn’t want to see him anymore. He stalked me for months, until I “disappeared” from the Internet.

I’m still so scared of him that I didn’t date since. I guess he still tries to find me on my friends social medias so I don’t want him to know if I’m into a new relationship, I’ m really scared of his reaction. Thanks God, he’s been in a new relationship for a year. But a friend of me just told me he deleted is Facebook page, which probably means he’s not in the relationship anymore and is preparing something.

I’d like to live a normal life again and not being scared of living with a new man, without having to fear my ex. Do you think I’m safe ?

Thank you

Reply
    H H says March 29, 2022

    Move away. Get an unlisted number, set all social media to private. Rent a PO box and have all correspondence spent thete. Make up the name of a business and if you buy a home or rent an apt put the lease and deed and utilities under the business name (this will keep you out of property records and those internet find-somebody’s-address sites.

    Document all unwanted contact. If you go to the police call your local domestic violence shelter FIRST and ask them if they can send an advocate with you. Police often blow off stalking victims and act like it’s no big deal. My advocate “reminded” them what the law was after YEARS of cops refusing to even fill out a report!

    Good luck!

    Reply
sola says May 17, 2015

yes i had that kind of MR. nice guy- who ended up stalking all my mails, even mails of 10 years ago and feeling jealous of every single person who was my friend. too much possessive. want me in grip 24 hours……..it was a hell nightmare

Reply
    Anonymous says May 17, 2015

    I just broke up with one of those. I didn’t even know there was a term for people like him. But every post and comment describes him. It truly is creepy. I’m stunned I tolerated his behavior for 3 years….

    Reply
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