3 Common Evils of the Female Narcissist

Omg! I started hyperventilating reading this… It describes my ex-Narcissist to a tee. It’s been so long now and I feel like I’ll never feel normal again. The things she did were so shocking and traumatic, knowing she planned out my suffering and used me her growth, then labeled me her abuser for victim attention and some sick sense of power and control they get from torturing people. The saddest part is I don’t doubt she as raised by NPD and BPD parents, but she can’t see how she turns everyone who gets too close into her next victim story. It’s hard to have much sympathy, but I’d rather they heal if possible than add more hurt and hate into the world. Thaks again!

XOXO Katie McMurray ~Chicago~ <3

Female narcissists aren’t playing with a full deck at all, and can be very extremely dangerous as well.

My mother in law is a huge narcissist. Needless to say, I as the daughter in law, am the enemy. My husband is polite to her but generally keeps his distance. I try to be supportive of him. I can imagine it must have been absolute hell growing up with her. She used my husband as as a surrogate husband before I came along. I have a lot of anger towards my mother in law. But I am always polite out of respect for my husband. My mother in law has lied about me to everyone in his family. When we are invited (which is rare) I get nasty looks from everyone. My father in law once tried to file for divorce from her. Something happened and he abruptly changed his mind. They have a very nice house and NEDC to keep up appearances. My father in law is his wife’s identity and meal ticket to impressing people. I am guessing she threatened to destroy him. So he is but a shell of a man now. Resigned to life forever with this woman. No fight left in him.

Narcissistic women do not get the press that men do. But they are insidious. I wonder if karma will pay them back for all their selfish and nasty behavior one day.

Really crazy. I didn’t know what I was dealing with either. While married she would not
Contribute to family bills. In fact she was transferring money from family acct to her own
Acct. I’d say left she’d go right. Loved our son. Daughter not so much. Divorce was bad
But custody battle was brutal. Lie after lie. Crying at opertune times. Everyone ate it up.
Cried to GAL who not only lied but filed emergency hearing and said that my boy was in
Mortal danger if I’m around him. Completely insane. I’d never harm my boy or daughter.
I’d walk in front of a train for them. Although I was primary caregiver for previous 12 yrs
Before divorce. No hint of any problem. I was a great dad. But lie by Barnstable gal
Did and does haunt me. She imposed a no contact order. And supervised visits. I never
Swore in front of my kids. I don’t drink. Mom disowned daughter basically bc she took my side. She has taken me to court 5-6 times for absurd contempt charges. And gets big
Paydays each time. Actually uses same charge , already ajudicated and judge ordered me
To pay her again. Walked into police station day before Father’s Day crying her eyes out that she was afraid to leave the house bc I have an uncontrollable temper and I scare
Her. Forget that she told court psychiatrist that I have zero temper issues. She can’t tell when I’m angry. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Judge. So ignores my legit claims and pounds me on hers she ignores court orders and for example, takes kids away and refuses to notify me. Ever. If I even thought of taking kids for an hour she’d be having n
Me arrested. It’s really freaky how things line up for her. And she’s a school principal.
Way too much to go into. But after a 2 yr battle. She has both kids and
$200k. Lawyers are another 125k. And they are defending absolute lies. I paid to depose
Mom and gal. Devastating comments. Totally different. But lawyers won’t admit gal
Lied. Clear as a bell. Once the lie was planted by gal at this early stage you own it.
I’m. Dealing with a crook lawyer. In fact I’ve had five. And each one is a liar.
I can’t get anything from cops bc they aren’t too bright and figure dad is not fit to parent so they cheat the process by any means possible. Getting out was not Simlple. If fact I thinki have a court date next week. Not even sure what I’m being blamed for. And
Fighting is futalj

My daughter is married to a narc ,but sometime I wonder if she likes it because she gets stuff like cars when they make up …..so it on again off again bull ,I just worry for the kids …I’m not aloud near then!!

I was in a relationship with a narcissist I discovered something about myself and it was I wasn’t just dealing with a man

I have a son that was in two back to back relationships with abusive, toxic women. I believe they were both narcissists. They were incredibly abusive, controlling and manipulative. He was used, cheated on and put down and then discarded when they were done with him. The last one cleaned him out while he was at work….came home to an empty home. Problem is he has one son from each woman so not sure how he is supposed to do no contact. He has a very challenging life on his own with no physical support as we live half way across the country. He has custody of one son and partial custody of the other son. I have been trying to get him to get therapy for narcissistic abuse. How does one convince him to get the therapy and understand his role as an empathist contributes to these toxic relationships. Does one need therapy after the fallout?

My son us the victim of a narcissistic ex-wife. How can he fight her false charges in court. Lawyers refuse to see the truth about her

Thanks Kim
Been victim for 15 years
Very draining She distorted me mentally emotionally

She did exactly what you said

I now need professional help
I’m lost so so crazy
Complete brainwashing

I have followed you on You Tube for at least a couple years. You saved me from what I don’t know. Anyway, my son was married 16 years to a malignant narcissist. Our lives were hell with her. She divorced him and took away his money, a house, a car, 2 sons and possessions. Your article above describes her to a T! Problem for me is that no one believed me when I tried to open their eyes. My son is recovering, but she still harasses him with threats. She

Notice how “kim hollands recovering narc fodder” goes on and on about how great he is: his job promotion, his physical fitness, and how his friends all admire him. Notice how he went online and trashed his ex, her reputation, “exposing” her. Almost sounds exactly like what a narcissist would do when his ego was bruised by a woman leaving him. He is a pervert. He has videos of himself with every woman he has been with, including a video of the threesome he showed his friends with his “narcissist” ex wife. She never should have done so many degrading things to try to save her marriage to that sex depraved addict. He still tells everyone how she “went crazy”. Yeah, after he drove her there maybe. I hope she has found peace now that she has freed herself, and I pray for his future victims.

Excellent work Kim! I came across this just today and have experienced everything you have mentioned here. Fell in love with a woman who made me think she was much better in all aspects than what I would have been happy with in a life partner. I married her but it was a short lived experience. She was very nice towards my family at first, projected herself as a kind girl who loves charity, who had high regards about my professional success and struggles and someone who only wanted love. Within the first two months I saw her true colours. I had to move away from my parents and social life in an attempt to save my marriage. She showed no signs of appreciation or happiness and drive me to misery. My career suffered, she would often leave me and I’d have to pleade to bring her back. Within the first year she mentally tortured me to such an extent that I filled for divorce. As a response she filed false cases with the police implicating me in forced abortion and cruelty and turned my life upside down. I have multiple cases against me in courts and she continues to play victim. At first it was all so disturbing I wondered what I did wrong to deserve it but article like yours make me confident that my decision is right and I will do everything possible to keep her away from my life.
Thanks for sharing this.

Yes this is my story. We dated for a few months and she pretty much forced marriage. I never even proposed. She just looked at me over dinner one night and said “ so when are we going to get married?” So we got married. Seven years later she was cheating on me with one of my friends. Of course everything was my fault and she claimed I didn’t meet her expectations. When I threatened divorce she ended her affair and begged me to come back. I did more to keep a relationship with my then 10
year old step son whom I loved very deeply.
Fast forward another 7 years and she had yet another affair and was having phone sex with multiple people. She moved out with the man whom she was having the affair with. Left her son with me on his senior year of high school. I filed for divorce but she begged me back yet again. I also couldn’t stand the fact of involving my family in a divorce that I thought was my problem to deal with. I knew she would take part of the family farm which I still have interest in.
I am posting this to warn other men not to live in the hell I have for the previous 17 years. It’s awful but I don’t know of any way out.
I have and continue to put up with mental abuse. Again because I don’t see any way out.
Warning pick you future wife carefully. I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone!

Explanation spot on. Dealing in it for 2.4yrs now. Childrens lawyer recommend full custody to the father yet through delays and 31 police allegations ( all unfounded and one criminal harrassment warning issued ) I still see my kids 6hours a week for 3 kids. The kids love me and because I was home with them from birth as a self employed Dad, the bond is strong. I have since had 4 letters from Childrens aid supporting the Childrens Lawyers decison yet due to delays and adjournments still have had no change in the courts. I will not stop on behalf of my kids who deserve a better life and the truth. I pay 30% higher imputed income based on nothing but allegation and an arrears that exists threatening my credit and drivers licence. Its the hardest thing I have gone through and this article describes my ex spot on.

I believe I might be in a relationship with an individual who is narcistic and unmotivated, and using me for money. I am very ambitious and have high goals, only being eighteen and I’ve learned that she is pregnant. However, if anything is wrong with the kid I’m forcing her to get an abortion as I’m seeing warning signs things are wrong with her.

great write up weird thing is i’m a male covert cerebral narcissist (clinically diagnosed) with over 15 years of cbt,dbt & cat therapy as i’m down on paper as non malignant & non malevolent but was with a covert malignant stealth female narcissist for over 10 years so i had empathy instilled in me by very good therapists from the age of 12 to 31 & are still in therapy to this very day but yes she was evil in every way shape & form took the kids, my home, my job everything i had i often wonder did i get karma even though i never hurt anyone and she was the only long relationship i ever had so on that one who knows?? all i can say is that i’m glad to be shut of her & as for our children they will only end up like her in the end anyway but as seen as everything were out my control regarding seeing our children unfortunately i had to move on but i’m sure “Karma” is following up behind her slowly but surely!!!

Thank you “Kim”

From Antony Ward

Perceptive and gutsy.

Mine is such a fake. She’s an extremely talented artist and usually paints little forest creatures and children. Her ego really gets stroked when they line up to walk thru her little studio to see her work even though she doesn’t make much. Its downtown and in a very liberal art center so of course she listens to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News and hides that as well. She doesn’t even have any of that stuff on her dating profile or I would’ve saved myself some medieval torture and never met her in the first place.

My Story – Chapter I
Since I first posted my open letter to my family and friends this past week concerning the than upcoming wedding of my estranged daughter on July 25, 2015, on my Facebook page as well as in numerous Facebook groups and the like, I’ve received many requests for me to disclose my story – to come to some awareness of what caused this disaffection between my daughter and myself that has lasted for some 17 years now; a story that had become an abscess upon my very soul – a story that I’ve regarded to be too abstruse to communicate with anyone.
But with all the positive remarks, notes of concern, and sincere well wishes and prayers that so many of you have bequeathed upon me, maybe it is time to share my story. A story that deals with mental health issues concerning my ex-wife and the difficulty in trying to help a loved one with such afflictions along with the resulting symptoms of poor judgment, credit card addiction, sexual misbehaviors, abuse – both physical and mental – complete denial of anything being wrong, suicidal ideation, and episodes of severe mania, and my realization of just how difficult, indeed impossible, it is to get help for such an individual. All of which resulted in her abandoning me, kidnapping our children, forcing me to leave our home, and filing for a divorce as well as playing a pivotal role in the hostility between my daughter and me.
Attached are the 15 original allegations that my ex-wife had filed against me along with a list of all the documents, reports, and letters that disproved each one of these plus her original no-contact order that she had filed on Friday, June 11, 1999. If you wish to view how this all played out in the court system I’ve added the first of seven video episodes that I aspire to release periodically that speaks to this tragedy and the equally distressing outcomes that resulted from these actions as well as those from my ex-mother-in-law, ex-brother and sister-in law, along with two extremely biased, ill-informed, and tremendously prejudiced counsellors.
Feel free to download as-well-as share this material with any and all of your friends with the hopeful goal that everyone will attain some knowledge of how the Divorce Court operates and to gain an understanding of how these proceedings function. That no one wins, much is lost, and there are no real champions to be had with the ones who suffer the most being the children – particularly my daughter.
(http://youtu.be/it1dWODjk3A)

Perfectly described. But my son, has stayed with his narcissit mom and floated on to drug and sex trade. He is 19 in Houston Tx. Can anyone help.

Wow. That story is well written and explains a lot about the female narcs. My narc wife is a post graduate child protection worker and extremely cunning. I am battling a giant but she now reached the stage where she stumbles across her own lies and even lies to her own lawyer to make him look stupid. As we have a child together there is no way just to walk away. She’s using him as a shield so as her other children that she concealed to me for more than 2 years. It is so obvious how she behaves but the worst part is the ignorance of responsible people who should support an abuse victim.

Wow just wow!!

I searched many sites to try to understand what I was going through and why. I’m so glad I found this site. I decided to go no contact a few weeks ago but having children makes this difficult. However I have taken steps to better my own life as well as my children. I do agree with many things in this article and I do believe men are treated unfairly by the system as well as society in general when it comes to being abused. We’re taught as kids to suck it up and show no emotion while these she devils put us through hell and deplete us mentally, physically, not to mention financially. And when we do come forward about the nightmare of narcissistic abuse we are labeled as “woman haters” I hope this article reaches all those who have suffered the horrors of narc abuse, men as well as women, and we find ways to heal ourselves. The scars will probably always remain but if we can at least become aware and take the necessary steps to heal, we can move on and begin our recovery from this nightmare.

My grandma was a narccisist, and the more I get to know her the more I realize im very similar to her… Our personalities seem very similar.

Thank you so much Kim! I would substitute the word “her” for “him” in all of your material. I had to deal with 2 narcissistic women. Ex wife and current ex girlfriend. Both had played the damsel in distress role with me and it worked just perfectly on me! I was able to learn so much from what you posted and many of my questions were answered. I’ve just begun to move on and I finally found someone like myself who is “normal”. Once again I thank you so much Kim and I hope you continue to help others who are in such relationships that can’t distinguish reality from fiction. You’re a Godsend Kim.

The female I was involved with asked me if I was the best she ever had (because she wanted me to confirm she was the best she ever had) she used sex as a means to attempt to control me. She also cheated twice, and was a pathological liar. Everything in her life was a mirage of fake. I used to physically watch her personality morph when her family came into town. Everything is a contradiction. There are a set of rules, but they don’t apply to her and they always change. She was highly materialistic and always the victim under every circumstance. She was highly controlling, manipulative and dishonest. It was hell, but I’m happy that I got out. I’ve learned so much about boundaries, taking things slow, not falling for love bombing, and all the red flags I missed. The act of leaving was very empowering. What’s incredibly disgusting to me, is the fact she pushed me twice and at work she is the chairperson for a battered woman’s charity. Everything about her is fake. And she’s incredibly good at hiding who she really is.

Hi Kim, this is Kim (Male) unfortunate Female Narcissist fodder. I used a tactic that worked quite well for me, Media. I went all out on FB and exposed her to all. It pissed her off to no end and she tried to take me down but I got away. Currently happier than I’ve been in 15 years making more money and just got another raise with a relocation from Atlanta to the west coast from whence I came 35 yrs ago. At 52 yrs old, 6ft 210 lbs I am in better shape than when she laid her first deceitful line on me 15 yrs ago. My point was to let as many people as I could know about these…..things. People who know me take my advice to heart for I have always been a giving and generous Man. The next relationship I have I will request a list of her ten worst faults and if this is done (with review) I will know she is no Narc for a true Narc/sociopath can’t or won’t do this. I thank you for all your great articles. Recovering Narc Fodder – Kim Hollands

My mother in law is a malicious narcissist. I believe she did and does all of these things. When her husband finally caught on she left him (i think she thought he would chase her LOL). Then 10 years later her ex husband gets married (and she is livid with hatred against a woman that had nothing to do with her marriage breaking up (10 years previous) and…she left???). Then she disgustingly starting trying to pull these tricks on her sons (and me…now she hates me because I confronted her about what she was doing…long story). Now that she isn’t “beautiful” she is “sickly” and needs people to do everything for her. She never does what she is supposed to (to get better), she does the things that were explicitly forbidden by doctors. Then she wants everyone to come to her rescue when she is ill (often due to her own behaviors).

I am speechless! This recalled during my teenager years, when my mom and dad got divorced. This whole thing went downhill after the divorce. All I did was hearing my mother made too many negativity comment towards my father. This is the things that any children do not needs to hear about it. It is not good for the children in which they do need to live with negative impact in their lives. I tried my best to ignore the past problems that been riding on my mind.

[…] 3 Common Evils of Narcissistic Women. […]

Omg, this is my wife I have been separated with since sept. And yes I want her back. Not because we have 4 kids but I do love her.

This seems to be the type of OW my STBX gravitates toward. They always play damsel in distress, always flaunt their ‘charms’, always need a little ‘help’, and always turn him inside out before it’s over. Thinking about this and his possible reasons for choosing this type over and over has given me some insight on why I let him come back so many times.

Well written post.

Perfectly described. Having someone else acknowledge these things is so very emotional even still. Thank you for the recognition that it happens on both sides.

You nailed this! Thank you for posting. A few months back, I used a poor choice of words by incorrectly stating that I thought female narcissists and borderlines cause even more havoc to their male mates then males cause to their female mates. I think I may have accidentally offended a few for saying that, and I am truly sorry. What I meant is exactly what you so wonderfully blogged about. It is the fact that the female disordered can get away with it so much easier, and there is much less sympathy or understanding for the male since we are supposed to be strong and unflappable. That was all I meant. My ex girlfriend has taken no accountability for the hell she caused me, and I am still awfully bitter for that. However, I take responsibility for the fact that I allowed her to get away with some of these bad behaviors early on for fear of her abandoning me…which she ended up doing anyway. My, my, my have I learned a lot this past couple years. I know that I will NEVER allow this to happen to me again. Thank you so much for this much needed post.

Good to balance the profile with this information. You nailed it as usual, Kim.

Reblogged this on Parental Alienation's dirty secrets , akin to Domestic Violence 40 yrs ago and commented:
It took a misdiagnosis of mental illness, years of abuse that was too often on a soul level and the acceptance of the rule of the women in his life who openly behaved as you describe , but with whom he felt comfortable with as I was his complete opposite in every way and utilized that to abuse me, thus our sons. Legal drugs and years of abusive , dismissive , mind controlling , emotional blackmailing or specks of “normal” It was his show

You hit the nail on the head again. And they have the power to get Protection from Abuse orders using their deceitful lies and cunning and to win that Academy Award…..they are masters of evil…….

Well, well, well – this is exactly the projection my male narcissist used to say/still says about his ‘wife’. The kids! The money! The manipulation!

Great write up even for that respect. Thanks. 🙂