Narcissistic Abuse Causes Soul Loss

I’m four years out of severe narc abuse,my father so covertly abusive I looked at him as a victim of my malignant,cluster b personality mother and he only abused me because she hated me and to make her happy he had to go thru with the abuse.I spent several years believing that.I never in a million years wouldve thought my father could cause me to loose everything about me.Ive been severely traumatized and still four years out I’m still suffering the pain.i cant verbally express the hell I’ve been thru inorder to get help,I’m drowning in pure pain.i dont know how to live without my abuser and I’ve tried to go back multiple times,the abuse was so slow that I didn’t even know how far over my head I actually was.my mother hates me,tells my dad I’m nasty,she hates my daughter and when disgusted with me always makes the comment of if we could only go back in time,what does that mean!? My father removed the covert mask and he too let me know that the love I thought he had for me was all a lie.i found out a few years ago my mother slept with my dads brother back long ago,I cant but wonder if I’m a product of that..they love my brother yet hate me,and I haven’t deserved any of it.im empty inside,still no voice and I go thru life just completely in a different world,no one is aware I’m dead and only going thru the emotions.I was so pathalogically gaslighted I feel the whole looks at me as crazy,I’m isolated and alone and can’t move on,sometimes afraid because I dont know how to Handel life alone.like tonight I lie awake at 3am.alone and scared,my only outlet is reading anout this sbuse and knowing I’m not alone,others have faced this anuse..if I are currently going thru covert,malignant abuse relize u must leave,run don’t walk,it will destroy your entire life,soul murder is the best term for this hell..get out snd go no contact,know your not crazy nor alone.God bless everyone who is going thru such pain

Very helpful. It describes my life perfectly. I see myself in everything that was said cause I have lived that life for over 30 yrs. Thanks for sharing. I understand so much better from your blog.

[…] “soul loss is similar to what psychology refers to as “dissociation.” – Kim Saeed. Narcissistic abuse causes soul loss. The Siskiyou School creates a culture of tolerated group abuse. To learn more about trauma, […]

I like this article a lot, but it really bugs me that you said “pharmaceuticals that alter the DNA of those who take them”. Drugs literally cannot change your DNA. It’s physically impossible. Drugs do affect our brain’s neurotransmitters, causing changes in our brain chemistry, but they do NOT change our DNA. DNA is the code of our entire bodies, it’s what makes up every cell. It cannot be altered by pharmaceuticals.

Stealing of ones soul I believe is very possible.I lived most of my life with a cluster b personality person (malignant narc) and she told me herself she was gonna make my life a living hell and she wasn’t kidding.It took me into my 40s to understand not to ever argue or piss off a malignant,without any care in the world they are capable of compleatly destroying you and they have fun doing so! This person to me is mother,its been a lil over one year no contact but I still cant move on,its pain like I never felt.You dont ever picture your mother and father stealing your soul,walking around daily feeling dead but it happens and unfortunately I am very much a victim (survivor) of this hell.God bless u all.

[…] Not all narcissists, however, have the dead-eyed smile of the covert narcissist.   […]

[…] full-blown wetikos are soul murderers who continually recreate the ongoing process of killing their own soul, they are reflexively […]

I ended my relationship and am no contact. I do feel my soul needs to be recovered. I understand traditional therapy wont help, but what therapy will help me while dealing with such intense emotions during this process?
I feel helpless, and I refuse to allow him to win as I suffer.

It felt like she took my soul out of my body, put it on a meat slicer and destroyed it one slice at a time. What was left she threw on the ground and stomped on it with her feet. One book I read said a part of your soul dies every time you divorce. This relationship, created by divorcing my first wife, managed to get a good part of my soul. The second divorce left very little left.

[…] http://www.chakras.info/solar-plexus-chakra-blockage/ Narcissistic Abuse Results in Soul Loss
By Kim Saeed | Initiating No Contact https://letmereach.com/2014/08/15/narcissistic-abuse-results-in-soul-loss/ […]

[…] Narcissistic abuse is an assault on the heart and soul of a target.  Ultimately, it’s an inner struggle between the target and the Narcissist, which is why other people do not recognize or understand it. […]

Well said Kim! And great article! I knew if I stayed I would be selling my soul. I know I am worth more then his money, malipulation, and control. I am in the process of divorce and and I feel stronger every min. I win because I get me and he is stuck with himself.

Kim in a previous comment you said it was predictable he got back with his ex. Why? I was dumped by a narcissist after a 5 year relationship. Within a few weeks he was already in another serious relationship. It’s been 6 months and I can’t even imagine dating again. I feel completely broken.

Narcopaths have to be QUARANTINED, like any other virus.

Narcissist comes in your life tries to hijack your spirit but its decerning enough to leave until your ready for its return. Until then your a just a hollow shell.

Narcissistic abuse truly is soul depleting. In my case, people around me get frustrated and annoyed that I do not leave but they simply do not understand that often the wrath one suffers as a result of leaving a narcissist can be more soul destroying than the torment of constantly living with them.
I know of people who have lost children to narcissists. Narcissists know how to play the system. They don’t want custody of their children because they feel that they are truly a better parent. If that were the case, they wouldn’t be constantly palming their children off to family and friends to take care of whilst they ‘do their thing’. No. It’s all about ‘winning’.
Everything is a game to them. The narcissist needs to constantly have their ego stroked and be reminded of how magnificent and intelligent they are.
If a narcissist is ever challenged, criticised or questioned, then god help the person doing the challenging. I don’t say that lightly.
They (the narcissist) will take any and all of the above as a personal attack and will stop at nothing to make you ‘pay the price’ for daring to question, criticise, or hold them to the same unreasonable standard which they hold you to.
Religious narcissists are often the worst of them all. They hide behind the fasade of dutifully dragging their children along to church on a Sunday and partaking in volunteer work at their children’s catholic school, but as soon as they are ‘free’ to be themselves at home, the mask gets thrown down quicker than you can say tally ho.
It is then that they rapidly move to criticising their partner’s cooking/cleaning/parenting skills and ‘womanly duties’ before retreating to ‘their’ separate bedroom, locking the door behind them and listening to religious sermons to soothe what little conscience they actually may have.
The narcissist is fully aware that what they are doing is wrong in the eyes of others, which is the reason why they go to such great lengths to hide their behaviour from those they admire.
The reason they continue to throw ethics in the waste paper basket behind closed doors is because they find ways to justify their abuse in their own minds. The phrase I have often had levelled at me is ‘you don’t do what you are meant to’.
What the victim is ‘meant’ to do of course, is at the discretion of the narcissist, who changes the rules as he goes along.
If questioned as to why he himself doesn’t follow his own rules, the narcissist will appeal to the same defence that insane people use called ‘diminished responsibility’ (i.e. he will either blame you, blame someone else besides you, or he will blame someone/something in the spiritual realm for his failure to adhere to his own impossible standards).
I don’t think its any great coincidence that people who claim to be possessed by the devil also use this defence as justification for their actions.
I often find that the narcissist will ‘ramp up’ his mean cycle during festive occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, or when one happens to be suffering from a crisis of some sort such as illness or upheaval in the family.
He sees this as the perfect opportunity to draw attention to himself and/or really lay the boot in.
I often find that I will be tossing and turning at night, reeling from the mental anguish that I have endured throughout the day at the hands of the narcissist in my life. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be sleeping like a baby in ‘his’ special room.
This I also believe is no coincidence.
You see, I believe that a narcissist is quite literally a predator or parasite, feeding on the life energy of the vulnerable. Have you ever noticed that narcissists seldom become ill, whilst their victims seem to come down with every cold, virus as well as numerous chronic conditions such as eczema, asthma, and CFS?
I have spoken to other victims of narcissists and there seems to be an unmistakable pattern here.
People who are in-touch with themselves can be honest about their own faults and look to resolve them, particularly so when they see that they are causing heartache to those around them. I believe the primary issue with the narcissist is the fact that they have been so out of touch with who they really are for such a long time, that they look to pin the same traits on others that they (on some unconscious level) recognise within themselves.
The only way that I have been able to insulate myself psychologically (to some extent) from the wrath and torment of the narcissist is to play a sort of spiritual Ping-Pong with them.
For those that cannot walk away such as myself, this has been my only line of defence. The only time it seems to fail me is when I am feeling particularly vulnerable to his verbal daggers, such as when I am feeling ill, haven’t slept well, or there is a crisis in the family.
Basically what I have been doing of late when he accuses me of being a bad/neglectful parent, a lazy partner who never does the housework and never sexually satisfies him and am not ‘lovable’ in any way, I agree with him, but I do so in such a way so as he knows that I am onto his game.
For example, if he accuses me of not spending enough time with the kids, or having a facebook addiction, I’ll say, “Sure. You’re absolutely right. I should try to spend as much time with the kids as what you do”. And if your partner is a complete hypocrite who spends many days addicted to watching Dr Who re-runs, you could also add, “I should also spend less time on Facebook and more time watching Dr Who. You are the epitome of perfection and more people should strive to be just like you. Lovvveeee youuuuu”.
This may anger the narcissist greatly because you have stroked his ego in the most sarcastic way possible, whilst subtly pointing out the ridiculousness of his verbal barrage. Whilst he will be angry, he will most likely say “f*ck you” before storming off like a spoilt four year old who was just denied a lollypop at the grocery store.
Whilst most people would feel uneasy about anyone storming off in such a fashion, to the victim of the narcissist, having him storm off and give up his unrelenting barrage of abuse is often a blessing.

I like the article and I can relate to it. I had been put under so much pressure and abuse from more than one narcissist at a time. It was so draining, it was such a gouging of my insides. A cruelty so invasive and violating, I just could not protect myself from the mindlessness of their fun and games of tearing at me. I was finally finished with the semester at school and I wanted to escape and I left right away for the ocean. I felt somewhat better right away. As time went on though and I walked to the waters edge and looked out I could literally feel how devastated I was inside. I was concerned, worried that I had lost myself and that it was practically impossible to ever recover after the damage they had done to me. It was a sad moment and I think it was painful and frightening to realize that a part of myself was gone and that I may never be a whole person again. It was very much a devastating moment.

Hi Kim, thanks for visiting me! I was thinking of you lately, because I read an interesting article I think you will like:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140805150645.htm
Just one simple question can identify narcissistic people

Date: August 5, 2014

Source: Ohio State University

Summary:

Scientists have developed and validated a new method to identify which people are narcissistic: just ask them. In a series of 11 experiments involving more than 2,200 people of all ages, the researchers found they could reliably identify narcissistic people by asking them one question.

♥♥♥ ;^)

Reblogged this on Shifting Energy-Creating Synergy.

Thank you, Kim, for re-blogging this article.

I am learning the most amazing things from your blog on how to heal myself. This article seems to ring true for me. Thank you again.

Hi Let Me Reach, Kim Saeed,      Good Day to you and to everyone looking for answers to these pressing issues. Your website and counseling are the best hope I have. My life has been ravaged and devastated daily. There feels there is so little of a recognizable me in it. I was preparing for physical death awhile ago after the soul left me in grief. You have given me some hope that some how, some way,  I may survive and be restored to living again and moved from this  experience of being hollowed out and ravaged by such gross inhumane cruelty. I have tried to endure these ravages for such a very long time, it has been about 25 years now. I have not known what to do and I have been treated at all times as the crazy one and medicated while the abuser just keeps on partying down on destroying me. I am not sure whether I will survive, but it is worth trying, I am aware that I am looking for hope. I have not found much but you seem to offer that and I am willing to accept. Thank you for offering hope for a life that is my own and to all others who are also seeking their lives to be restored to them. Cordially Gypsy Lake

I agree with what Kim Saeed has said. I felt that loss recently, with such a heavy sadness. Within two or three days I felt an energy leave my body. I sensed it in the chest area, the heart and spirit were in sadness, I was in a severe state of grief and morning that has gone on for a very long time. I was not sure at the moment but as I gave it thought I sensed there was a part of my being that left me, that went away looking for some safe and happy place to be. I accepted that it was necessary because I was not able to protect it. I became a fractured person, my spirit left me where it could go freely to live in love, and my physical body stayed behind to cope with whatever was left. I have the loss of the soul to morn for also. I weep regularly for I am kept in this state by the abuser who refuses to leave me and my life to my own care. His cruelty just grows like an untreated infection. It is sad, frustrating, painful and cruel.

So there I am, sitting at my computer about to do my major work about reconnecting with the soul through coaching and this comes through! Yet another outstanding post – and it’s going to help me with this thesis. Thanks! 🙂

I want to let you know I can relate. I used to have a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, and felt that the non-traditional approach to thsi disorder helped me somewhat. Now I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and I’m treated with a form of CBT. It doesn’t address the deep inner pain that I feel.
May I say that soem cluster B personality disorders may in fact be due to soul loss? I don’t mean this to justify narcissistic abuse (I’ve never been involved with a narcissist myself), but I do mean to say that untreated soul loss can continue cyles of abuse.

Reblogged this on The Story of my Twin Boys , Oliver and Oscar Ferreira.

excellent article .. thank you

I found this very moving to read, recognised in your words something I have only felt inside me, it is so true, the damage done is deep and difficult to define, the notion that it has been the loss of ones soul is profoundly true.

What a beautiful insight, it already resonates strongly with how I am now trying to put myself back together, a sort of self redefinition in a way. I go to a counsellor now which is letting me articulate those things I feel in a safe and none judgmental space all my own. It is helping me find some broad structured path forward.

Your illustration here of the damage done has fitted seamlessly into all that healing thinking…

I thank you Kim – beautiful.