Wetiko – Exploring the Alarming Rise of Narcissism

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Not so long ago, I had the great pleasure of watching the movie I Am, written and directed by Tom Shadyac (creator of comedy films such as Ace Ventura and The Nutty Professor).  His message was a timely one, considering the new direction I want to take, which has mostly to do with exploring the foundations of happiness, freedom, and love after narcissistic abuse.

In the film, Tom asks two central questions: What’s Wrong With the World? and What Can We Do About It?  He explores topics such as materialism, human connectedness, and scientific concepts related to human nature. 

Another interesting topic that came up during the movie was a concept called “Wetiko”, a Native American word for cannibal; not of the flesh, but of another’s life…destroying them mentally. 


Wetiko is what the Native Americans attributed to the Europeans’ greed and today’s institutions such as consumerism, materialism, and even genocide.  Of course, this immediately went into my mental files for further exploration as to its similarities to the malignant narcissism of today.  Following is what I found…

According to Paul Levy, author of Awaken in the Dream and Dispelling Wetiko:

“Wetiko disease is an expression of the convincing illusion of the separate self gone wild. Bewitched by the intrinsic projective tendencies of their own mind, full-blown wetikos are unconsciously doing the very thing they are reacting to while simultaneously accusing other people of doing it.

Projecting the shadow onto others, they will accuse others of projecting the shadow onto them. To use an extreme, but prototypical example, it is like someone screaming that you’re killing them as they kill you.

If their insanity is reflected back to them, they think it is the mirror that is insane. Suffering from a form of psychic blindness that believes itself to be sightedness, full-blown wetikos project out their own unconscious blindness and imagine that others, instead of themselves, are the ones who are not seeing.

Governed by the insane, self-perpetuating logic of fear and paranoia, those taken over by the disease fear that if they don’t attack and rule over others, they are in danger of being attacked and ruled over themselves.

In their convoluted, upside-down, flawless illogic, wetikos’ act to their own projections in the world as if they objectively exist and are other than themselves, thinking that they themselves have nothing to do with creating that to which they are reacting.

In wetiko disease, the psyche takes the ‘terror’ that haunts it from within, and in its attempt to master it, unwittingly becomes taken over by it, thus becoming an instrument of terror in the world. We have then become the thing we most feared, ‘creatures of the European nightmare world,’ as we psychologically terrorize ourselves, as well as terrorizing the world at large.

 Because full-blown wetikos are soul murderers who continually recreate the ongoing process of killing their own soul, they are reflexively compelled to do this to others; for what the soul does to itself, it can’t help but do to others.

In a perverse inversion of the golden rule, instead of treating others how they would like to be treated, wetikos do unto others what was done unto them. The wetiko is simply a living link in a timeless, vampiric lineage of abuse.

Full-blown wetikos induce and dream up others to experience what it is like to be the part of themselves which they have split off from and denied, and are thus not able to consciously experience – the part of themselves that has been abused and vampirized. In playing this out, wetikos are transmitting and transferring their own depraved state of inner deadness to others in a perverse form of trying to deal with their own suffering.

Paradoxically, wetikos both try to destroy others’ light, as it reminds them of what they’ve killed in themselves, while simultaneously trying to appropriate the light for themselves.

The disease itself is now demanding that we pay attention to it, or it will kill us.”

“An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.” ~ Gandhi

Native American philosopher Jack Forbes further adds:

“This disease, this wetiko (cannibal) psychosis, is the greatest epidemic sickness known to man.” We, as a species, are in the midst of a massive psychic epidemic, a virulent collective psychosis that has been brewing in the cauldron of humanity’s psyche from the beginning of time.

Like a fractal, wetiko operates on multiple dimensions simultaneously — intra-personally (within individuals), inter-personally (between ourselves), as well as collectively (as a species). “Cannibalism,” in Forbes’s words, “is the consuming of another’s life for one’s own private purpose or profit.”

Those afflicted with wetiko, like a cannibal, consume the life-force of others — human and nonhuman — for private purpose or profit, and do so without giving back something from their own lives.”

Rather profound, don’t you think?  

Is this what’s wrong with our world today?  Could this be why there is no cure for narcissism, and further, why it seems to be rapidly and increasingly coming at us from all angles?

Will our healers and light-workers be able to illuminate and heal this wetiko of our collective consciousness before it’s too late?

Will this concept help those who are in abusive relationships be able to finally leave and join the army of teachers, healers, and ambassadors?

“My life is my message.” – Gandhi

Get Started On The Stages of Emotional Healing 

If there were one thing I wish I could tell every person about healing, it would be that you can have it. 

Even if you don’t reach what you think is 100% “being healed,” life can transform in ways you can’t imagine from where it is now.

The Break Free Program is my most popular program—no toxic positivity. No fluff. Just deep principles of recovery.

Join Break Free and heal, reconnect with yourself, and fearlessly detach from the grip of narcissistic control.

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Sandy says October 17, 2023

Thankyou, I have always maintained that my ex was evil (just thinking to myself) and reading this, I don’t feel so bad.

Mia says January 19, 2023

If one traces back to the work of Sam Vaknin, the professor who coined the term “Narcissistic Abuse” it becomes a rather interesting room of mirrors I myself have experienced.

Virus’s rarely isolate themselves. They’re contagious. This is what the story of Wetiko is telling us (however we are English speakers and stunted to dualistic reductionist terms at best).

Follow the thread and it may dismantle “Empath’s” as covert narcissist (worse even, “failed”, a hard pill to swallow). Track back to the origins of the relationship, what did you over look hoping at worst case scenario the narc would never ever…. but did. Track back to the moments you betrayed yourself as sacrifice. Track back to the end when the rage finally took over and the reactions started to look eerily similar to the sickness you were reacting to.

Abuse is contagion. Narcissism is BPD is psychopathy is… all a trauma response that is the colonizers disease that colonizes minds and snatch’s the soul.

Exhausting. And for all the self defined Empaths you may notice after a walk around this maze you have much less. You need to look at the places in yourself that appall you about the Narc.
Why were we dancing with them to begin with if we didn’t share a similar dance card?

It’s a brutal life lesson. But if taken as a cold shower will wake the soul into it’s separated/individuated adult self. Like a doe learning to walk at 40. It’s painful. It’s awkward. It’s a sorry site and should have happened 38 years sooner. But here we are.

If it were to work we would have played the game. Sold our souls fully. But the tide rises and you cannot have a foot in both boats.

We say we choose the moral high ground but did we? Or did we fail to acknowledge the game we were playing and couldn’t keep up?

OIivia says September 20, 2021

I think the rise of wetiko has been caused by social media. It is all about me, me, me and everyone has a platform for themselves now. I even got told the other day that ‘me, me, me’ is a good idea because it’s the only proven way to get ahead. That chilled me to the bone.
Social media and the fact that we can get almost anything we want these days at the click of a mouse button. It will be delivered to our house within a few days and this has led to people becoming/ revealing themselves as wetikos. People are too selfish now, as shown by the attitude of many to covid. They don’t care if they are making others ill, as long as they get what they want as individuals.
I don’t know where this will end…

Karin says September 20, 2021

I am a child of the 60s, my mother became a narcissist when I was very young. Of course, I had no idea why this moment I was loved and the very next I couldn’t do anything good… And worse…
It took me over 8 year of psychotherapy with 2 different therapists to get a bit of a life.

Since the 1980s I say often, I am an introvert and HSP empath, that so many people are “sucking” the life out of other people. My own mother was (is?) a “good” example. Being the best actress outside our own home, but inside…

I think that within some eras, the world only exists of narcissists, with very few people who aren’t narcissists. Sadly enough.

Just last Wednesday, my ex-boyfriend, a narcissist, contacted me after months of silence. Threatened me with a police report because of my website.
And of course, blaming me for everything that went wrong in our relationship. Blaming me for things I hadn’t done. He did.

Months ago I would have apologized and thinking “did I really do this, I can not remember?”
I started tot take notes of everything, and I mean everything. Now I know (both head and mind) that I didn’t do it. He was gas lightening me to the core.
With the help from a Life Coach, I am trying to get, again, my life back.

I didn’t answer to his message, but I disabled the email address he knows. Yet, I checked if he visited my website. He did, at least, someone with an IP nearby where he lives, visit my site the day he emailed me with his threat. For a few seconds and only a Tag page. I blocked this IP.

I should have recognized it. My mother was the best in it. Sometimes I still blame myself for this. Luckily, less and less.

David Wels says April 21, 2020

I was with a female Narc/Sociopath for a while on and off-then also knew a family with the mother also a Psychopath, interestingly, they knew each other growing up. The havoc they caused in my life was horrific, as I’ve also seen them destroy others peace of mind, and lives-yes, LIVES! This article gives an idea how to look at this from a dark spiritual perspective. I’ve always wondered if there was an attachment, possession, or similar-when they drop their mask and the real them looks at you you can tell, they are not alone! or something like that!

Gregory says August 31, 2019

Reading your articles Kim has given a name to those who,we in England , have always called ” headbangers” . Narcissists.
Some friends and I have been wondering why now there seem to be more and more because we each have experienced them in our private lives. And ,may I add, not only more of them but, more public and intense.
My work is community related and in a very short space of time emotional and/or physical abuse has gone from ‘ private only’ to the work place and into the streets.
Your article on wetikos has brought some clarity to my muddled, ” Why,why”?. Thank you so very much.

Cynthia C Rafler says August 27, 2019

Make sense. I think my narc killed his own soul and didn’t want me happy either, so he tried to kill mine. After 24 years he left July 1st. My heart literally aches and is breaking but I will overcome and be a better person for having the No Contact bootcamp.

Rene says June 26, 2019

Gosh!! So relevant!
I love the description “Soul Murderers”

Cheryl says June 26, 2019

Thank you Kim, As a follower of your blog I can truly say it been EXTREMLEY helpfull ! My healing has been going well ever since I started reading that after the 15year abusive relationship with my g/friend Im not ‘insane’ after all. However I would love to read more topics about female Narc’s -Also stories/expieriences where the ex Narcs-male or female had ‘Karma’ expieriences after destructive discards and flaunting their new supply all over social media. These ‘demons’ does not feel anything so no matter what they do it seems nothing can effect them-infact they even Love negative attention as it is also a form of supply!! It is not very comforting to know that Narcs continue to destroy Souls and no one can stop them because they are almost ‘imortal’ emotionally !! So basically Empaths have to live their lives being ‘on Gaurd’ all the time…..this realy Sucks!

    Raphael says January 17, 2020

    Michael tsarion has some good videos on it vampirism female Illuminati

    Jacob A Burkey says November 25, 2022

    “So basically Empaths have to live their lives being ‘on Gaurd’ all the time…..this realy Sucks!”

    You carry something with you that is of infinite value. The price of that is eternal vigilance if you want to keep it.

    The narcissist who is not in a grandiose phase also must be eternally vigilant that its mask does not slip at an inopportune time, or in front of the wrong people.

Beck says June 25, 2019

Recently I saw the very thing you were speaking about. Someone I know was savagely accusing her partner of the very thing she was doing to him. And she was acting like a demonically possessed being as well. It was horrible! Cut all contact with her now.
I read Paul’s book Wetiko and also listened to a discussion he had with Neil Kramer some years back. Neil who has incredible esoteric knowledge had come to the conclusion that this infection is external. And sighted the writings of the Gnostics referring to the Archon.
Entities which have infected the human mind. It is done over successive lifetimes until the soul is gone. This is a spiritual war.
This man has first hand evidence https://youtu.be/6MVdffOh8ZA

Matthew Gerome says June 25, 2019

Kim I have been interested in native Americans my entire life and I have not come across this concept.Thank you for bringing it to my attention.I am currently in the throes of this spiritual warfare.This horrible phenomenon is unlike anything I have ever experienced. This model is very intriguing and I will look into it further.I have had my share of exposure to mental illness.We all fall on some spectrum and I am no exception.I don’t hold being different against anyone.
Are you aware of any other mental health issues that manifest in this manner?
Thank you for all that you do to promote awareness and to facilitate the healing of this destructive and demoralizing spiritual/emotional assualt.

June says June 25, 2019

They can’t be like you so they have to make you like them.

Katie Schroeder says February 7, 2019

Look up the lost birth sign “Cetus”. I found this to be incredibly true about my ex, fits his birthday time period, and also fits his narcissistic disease.

Jutta Suhr says January 30, 2019

Many of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse are often Empath or sensitive and compassionate people. How does one protect oneself from the influence of Wetico?

Philippa Bloom says January 28, 2019

I may be able to shed a little light here. Having just broken up with one who also likes men and women sexually, and would go from person to person telling the next one that the last one tried to ‘creep’ onto him, or even rape him as I was told about one woman, whom I later found out had no idea this had been said about her and she was the actual victim of him raping her…which I can believe given he did the same to me, sadly.

If you look at the chakra system, when all chakras are blocked, the person will live in a dis-eased state and since the person I was seeing was a substance abuser and addict in denial, he was blocked in every way apart from the sacral chakra, which governs sexuality. If one is open and imbalanced with too much energy then they will be sex addicted. Fearing intimacy though, and ultimately extremely lonely inside themselves, they seek out sexual experience after sexual experience, but with no emotional connection as they fear going to their feeling realm. Ideally all chakras need to be balanced and open at the same time, which takes conscious work to get to that point. If the person is unconscious and sees nothing wrong with their behaviour then there’s not much you can do. It has to come from them to realise they need to work on themselves and heal their chakra system.

Nikki says January 27, 2019

Hi Kim,
Yes you explain this mind virus perfectly.
As having Narcissist parent still does not explain why i was able to evolve with a different mindset as to the one i was raised with?I stayed in my Narc relationship because i was told to stay but I always knew it wasn’t right and it just took time for me to breakfree.

Nina Taylor says January 27, 2019

I never thought of applying wetiko to my ex, but the article above describes him exactly. He is the ultimate victim in his own mind, but he destroys anyone who tries to love him–projecting upon them the very actions and emotions of which he himself is guilty. I do believe these people are demons. I have a rational 21st-century mind, but I went through far too much, and I saw too much not to believe that such a soul is indeed determined to drag everyone into the hell of its own creation. FYI, I have studied numerology a bit. I do think there’s something to it. If I were to reduce each of my ex’s names–first, middle, and last–to a numerical value, each is a 6, so numerically speaking, my ex’s name is 666.

    Anonymous says January 28, 2019

    Actually, if you add up all three 6’s it comes to 18. You then add 1+8 and it is 9. That’s how it works in numerology, though it certainly is interesting that they all round to the number 6.

Budicca says January 27, 2019

It seems this evil is prevalent in the world. Kardashians making millions off putting their self absorbed, self promoting lives out there for all to see, and getting obscenely rich from it. Social media is THE platform for this evil as well. Heck, there is a wetiko in the highest office in the land(USA) and most powerful position in the world. It’s not increasing, it’s apexing. Researchers are completely wrong about the percentage of people who are afflicted with narcissism. The beauty of their mastery is that they rarely get called out for what they truly are, so they never get caught or diagnosed. You can’t even feel sorry for them because of whatever trauma turned them into this, because they will destroy you with your own empathy. How do we collectively fight it when most people, including mental health professionals, don’t even know what narcissists truly are?

daniel says January 5, 2019

Hello, Kim. Thank you for touching on Wetiko. A couple years back I found my world in a tailspin after having been discarded by what was supposed to be my newly wedded wife. Your article ‘Will Therapy with a Narcissist Help? Why it’s a Bad Idea’ was/is super helpful. It clarified quite a bit. During the months after that fall, my friend informed of of Paul Levy’s book, and it sent me into the next phase of recovery – on a macro/societal level. I’m currently working on an animation to explore this shadow entity within myself. It helps to read others are struck by this topic. Thanks again for your work.

walter stawicki says August 2, 2018

narcisism is one of the lesser problems with Windigo. it is more than DSM . it is not genetic. it is psychic, mind virus,almost like “devil” in some bible verses.

Psychic Gear Drop says July 10, 2018

Consciousness Evolution and Base Reality

^^^ Understanding and Mechanics for Consciousness Evolution
^^^ Immunity – Freedom from all emotional pain
^^^ The source of all the world’s problems – Demons/Archons/Weitko/Parasites
^^^ Develop abilities such as Wipes – the ability to wipe thoughts from your head

Psychic Gear Drops

Nilsa I. Alonso-Torres says June 25, 2018

This is a “must” food for thinking! Thank you for sharing. very revealing!

Myra says June 23, 2018

Thank you, Kim, for this important article. In People of the Lie, M. Scot Peck makes his case that we cannot heal from this disease (which he names as evil) unless we name it something in order to bring it into our conscious understanding of its reality. Understanding the reality of Wetiko and how it operates was an important step in my healing as I came to understand that I was not all the ‘“stuff” that was projected onto me. Thank you, again for bringing this darkness into light so others can benefit from understanding. Your work is a gift to healing.

    Kim Saeed says June 23, 2018

    Thank you, Myra, for your kind praise. I truly hope we get to a point in our evolution that we can finally hold these people accountable. Or, at least, to the point where they can’t cause such great damage. If we could only get the courts and the APA on board…

    Hugs to you, sweet lady.

    Kim XoXo

      Anonymous says May 22, 2019

      “I truly hope we get to a point in our evolution that we can finally hold these people accountable” – “oooooh oooooooo wetikoooooo”

Jessica Goodrum says June 21, 2018

WOW, the statement you posted from Paul Levy was intense, true and also quite sad. It’s difficult to face the reality of this concept of psychic vampirism or narcissitic personality disorders. It pains me that because of some individuals own childhood abuse and trauma that they grow into basically predators. Thank you for sharing that intense information. If anyone is interested there is a good you tube channel called the little shaman which discuss narcissism. It has helped me out a lot to understand what I am dealing with in my own relationship. My personal experience with the narcissist has been painful and heartbreaking, however at the same time I have gained knowledge and insight into a world I didn’t know existed before which is allowing me to experience new perspectives on life. It’s like I have been in training for something, one day I hope to help both the victim of narcissitic relationships and the narcissist themself. There has to be a way to counter or free the narcissist from their own sick cycle. I have hope but also wisdom, I myself don’t want to stay stuck in a life where I cannot thrive. Keep the knowledge coming and thank you for what you do.

Nancy says June 21, 2018

This is very interesting. I also see a critical narcissism epidemic in the world. Or at least, I now see them in broad day light, they are everywhere. Not necessarily 100% narcissists but it seems that more and more people are using those “narcissistic defense mechanisms”. It’s easy to see it in the social medias where anyone can be lynched instantly simply by disagreeing with the majority. People are becoming more and more pervert (and cowards) behind their computer screens. So obviously I don’t believe it when they say only 3% of the population is narcissist. Otherwise, I myself have encountered with that 3%, which would be non sense.

    Kim Saeed says June 22, 2018

    Hi Nancy,

    I agree. The digital age seems to have brought deeper levels of global narcissism into the light. And I also agree that way more than 3% of the population is narcissistic.

    However, I like to remember the unspoken population of kind people who are out there. I think what’s happening, at least one of the necessary outcomes, is that this is teaching us all to set boundaries in our relationships. We simply can’t continue to ‘martyr’ ourselves anymore in the name of being “good people”. We can’t continue to be sources for all the energy vampires/narcissists out there.

    Kim XoXo

    walter stawicki says August 2, 2018

    it id called a “mind virus” (William Burroughs the 1950s is the first use of the term I know of) for good reason. like virus it is communicable and it spreads like contagion, to epidemic to pandemic. we are reaching pandemic, we may be there is the USofA already. Some concepts that might be useful: scapegoat. shadow. projection.

Kiro says June 21, 2018

Great information! Wow! What is fascinating to me beyond what I have been through with my ex is what I see coming from the current White House administration, war profit mongers and the super rich who use the intemt goodness of our democracy to oppress and divide. I assume this American/human way has always existed but the one hope I have for the blatently harmful narcissism acting out directly in the spotlight of the world from this White House exposes the wounds which need healing as a human race. Articles like this gives another set of tools and resource of understanding for those of us who are ready to act and respond in love. Thanks Kim!
#wearethehealers #lovewins #lovearmy #loveoverfear #lovingboundaries

Deborah says August 19, 2017

I envisioned the ex narc in his plot in Europe under the blazing sun, and full of his ego and sent Jesus prayers to him! I had then a picture pop into my head of him going up in a puff of smoke like the wicked witch of the north in the wizard of oz when water was thrown over her.
Narcs are pure evil, the feel, deeply and passionately but they only feel hatred, anger, resentment, jealousy etc. They have a soul, but it is black, full of evil and a soul that is the same.
The ex, that I supported and encouraged to move to Europe, called an ultimatum but how he dressed it up… “I’m going whether you like it or not, I’m going whether you come or not, I don’t care what you think or feel, I going and I’m never coming back”
That was meant to shake me up and all the insecurity and attachment issues all came into play… But I was not allowed to leave the country, I had found someone dead where I worked and a police investigation meant I had to stay in the country… thank you Universe.
I sustained a huge shock, was really shook up and then him with that big wallop of compassion. He did come back! 6 weeks of pressure and coersion to go to Europe with him ‘because you’ve been under such a lot of pressure and you could do with a break”… got a break alright.
While out there he then began the pressure to sell my house, put the money in a joint account, go live in Spain with him and then take my name off the account… wow I know I was vulnerable and that is what a Narc shark is like. He even went as far as to say “you don’t need a bank account… just put the money in my account”
He even lent me some money, took out a CCJ, and could have forced me to sell my house and forced me into bankrupcy on the back of finding a person dead, a police investigation…
I was physically disabled too, and on the last night of the last time out there he forced himself on me… I was suicidal when I came back… and then I began to acknowledge all that I had suffered by him. I then began to ask “when was I last happy” 2004… a year before that got into my life.
He told me he evaded HMRC and a few other things, all with threats and intimidation… and then I went to the authorities they didn’t believe me. I guess I didn’t expect them to. But at least I am still alive, recovering, getting stronger and still have my home. I returned to my Reiki practice, rebuilding my life… Understanding the experience in terms of healing the suffering of others and the powerful tool of Reiki, and I am sure many other modalities, to aid the healing, recovering and thriving of all who have sustained the injury.

    Deborah says September 19, 2017

    As I reflect back upon my own shared thoughts, and move ever more forward, understanding what now arises is the mirror the ex held to me, he showed his wounds, his pain, and inflicted that on me… here this is how my pain hurts, on top of my own pain wounds. I stand, walk and feel my life ever improving, a sadness still lingers but hope is present. The ex showed me my wounds too, he threw light up my weaknesses, and I now see them as places to heal and to work on to grow strong. I am not angry or hateful, or revengeful of him, I’m unsure if I forgive him but I am not even sure that matters anymore, it is time to step forward again and waste no more time over him, wow lots of time to become me again 🙂

      Jessica Goodrum says June 21, 2018

      Beautiful! You will forgive him, because that is going to be the healthiest and most freeing thing for you. You will get their.

Sue says February 10, 2017

Can this be an inherited disorder? I was married to one for 18 years and his mother had the same disorder and now my daughter has it and has destroyed our family and ripped her kids from us as well. I didn’t fully realize what I was dealing with until 4 years ago when someone told me that I was dealing with a narcissist. I started researching it and was amazed at how many characteristics they have in common throughout the three generations. Thank God my other child is not affected. By the time I was able to get out of my marriage, I was a wreck physically and emotionally and it was a long road to healing only to be faced with the same hell from my daughter. I have been knocked down again and this time it is a thousand times worse because I have two grandchildren that I am not allowed to see after keeping them for 12 years. They have been told who knows what kind of vicious lies about me and have been ripped away from their aunt and cousins as well. I have no Legal rights and have suffered unspeakable torment and threatened by a restraining order if I try to see my grandchildren. The only thing that I can do now is turn it over to God completely and trust Him to fight this spiritual and physical battle for me and speak out to others who are enduring the same hell and wait until my grandchildren are grown. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced and the most evil. You cannot change a narcissist. My ex-husband and his mother died as they lived…a narcissist…and my daughter will too.

    Kim Saeed says February 12, 2017

    Hi Sue, that’s a great question (and thank you for sharing your experience).

    There are some cases where a person is born with brain abnormalities that may cause them to lack empathy. However, in more cases than not, narcissism is a disorder one forms through their childhood environment. To put it shortly, when a child grows up with a narcissist as their parent or caregiver, then the child typically grows up to be either narcissistic or codependent. Both personality traits are formed as a coping mechanism. Sadly, narcissism cannot be cured – unlike codependency which can be overcome with time and commitment.

    Hope that helps!

kathy cassity says August 31, 2016

I was married to this, and nearly lost my mind in the end.

ThePinch says August 30, 2016

It is interesting how many cultures have names for this behaviour.

I obsess on narcissists, because I’m trying to understand them. Like Native Americans, I’m looking for the one name that helps me define them.

I thought about a character who was mysterious, magnetic, and compelling. Always the center of attention, immaculately presented, and unfailingly polite. Possessed of great culture, utterly charming (at least, in the beginning). You dare not look away.

You are the only woman in the world. His pursuit is relentless. He flatters; charms; he leaves you breathless. He is the antidote for every insult and hurt that you’ve ever felt. He. Wants. You.

Surrender is a head spinning combination of a pounding heart, and exquisite erotic tension. He’s the venue. He gives you permission to unleash your own desires, without reservation. He’s going to take you higher … and higher. He’ll show you things about yourself that you kept hidden, even to yourself.

His name is … Dracula!

Hey, it’s a trip. But It’s hard to see straight when you’re down a quart. You just want MORE.

There are other disciples out there, and when the supply starts to run low, there ya go. When you replenish and recharge, he’s back. And on and on. But he will never change what he is. And you run the risk of becoming something you never intended.

One more thought: half of the chemistry between you and him was YOURS. He showed you something about yourself that brought out a more feral yet fascinating aspect of yourself. It’s still yours, and always will be. May it be reserved for a better time, and a better place.

    Elizabeth Batista says June 21, 2018

    Right on, sister.

    Debbie says June 23, 2018

    The Pinch. That was artfully written. And great message. I’m saving it. Thank you

Sean Alden Fitzgerald says September 20, 2015

Honestly, this does seem a growing problem. Further, I think your ascription of said narcissism is accurate and insightful.

    Kim Saeed says September 21, 2015

    Thank you, Sean – and thanks for stopping by! 🙂

Laura says January 16, 2015

which reminds me (sorry for lot of comments, Im absorbing sponge information 🙂

Every Abuser was first Victim…but at some point they make choice to Abuse… and thats Evil Wetiko

Laura says January 16, 2015

I am afraid I am becoming Wetiko… lol interesting calling

But actually no. I have to heal.I can heal. I dont want to become like him

    Jessica Goodrum says June 21, 2018

    Your joke/comment about becoming a weitko caught my attention. After having been through and even during your abusive narcissitic relationship you may have formed similarities to the narc, however this was out of your need to protect yourself. There is a lot of information on how being essentially the victim in an abusive relationship will basically turn you into what looks like an abuser yourself. If you didn’t immediately leave the relationship then you most likely learned to fight back with awful words etc. It’s OK. Forgive yourself and forgive him and move forward by exploring the pain and weakness in yourself that was exposed or provoked during the relationship. You will come back toife renewed but different, stronger, wiser and with a gentle strength that will not tolerate the same abuse or behavior from a future partner. Have faith. Pursue healing and you will heal.

Joyce M. Short says January 12, 2015

Unfortunately, the advent of technology seems to be reinforcing and developing an extremely narcissistic set of values. Growing up in colonial times meant you had to conform to the norms that were set by your parents and your village. Today, people in every corner of the world have access to images, concepts and ideas that set a new “normal.”

From an early age our kids play tech-games where they pound the opposition. They’re bombarded with sexual imagery and content. Being righteous and virtuous are portrayed as weakness. And the allure of property surpasses the value of morality.

Perverse people, who might previously have been confined to their corner of the universe, can instantly transport themselves to new feeding grounds where they can prey on new quarry.

So yes, I think there’s a growing number of predators in society AND their access to the pool of potential victims has expanded as well.

    Victoria says July 9, 2018

    Well defined……thank you.

MeowCat says January 7, 2015

Dear Kim, at first, I want to thank you for your fantastic blog! But, Kim, what really bothers me: how do I know that I am not the Wetiko? How will I know it´s not ME being insane? I often fear that I am the one being crazy, as I have been traumatized as a child and as an adult… I do not know how to figure out who is the vampire as I, in my despair, acted destructive too to my Ex. Is there anything that helps me to find out? Greetings from Germany! 🙂

    Kim Saeed says January 18, 2015

    MewoCat, first…if you are worried that you are the Wetiko, then it’s likely you’re not. If you are able to self-reflect then you aren’t crazy, you just need to heal. I can relate to how you are feeling because I experienced the same confusion before I left my Ex, including acting in ways that were completely out of character for me.

    Healing from this type of abuse takes place on subconscious and biological levels and therefore requires transformational healing methods such as consistent meditations, reiki massage, yoga, and quanta healing. Some even seek out shamanic healing with great success. Explore those things, practice what resonates with you, and if you do them consistently, you will experience true healing.

      Anonymous says January 30, 2019

      Thank you

Tricia says January 6, 2015

Thank you, Kim, for writing this article. It is so timely for us all. It is sad that we have become so ‘disconnected’ from ancient wisdoms. Why do we rarely learn from the past? Or from the experience of others. Wetiko. Proves narcissists aren’t just a modern phenomenon. I want to learn more now!

However, I do believe that we are capable of changing the world. People power is crucial and efficient. Governments are the very essence of Profit, Power, Control, as are big organisations. Yet, look around the world and how, when people cannot take any more, they rise up. Together. As one. I’m not suggesting we need to physically fight. Yet, small steps/actions have a ripple effect, like a pebble in a pond. Information is crucial. Standing back and looking. Really looking at what is happening to our world. There is a pattern. But through research, reading, talking to people we can make a difference. Now. It is already happening. The world is out of balance. If we don’t step up, nature sure as hell will!

But this forum is more about psychopaths, narcissists, unbalanced people. Subtle or obvious. Until a few months ago, I didn’t have a clue there was a ‘name’ for the behaviour I experienced. Once I came across ‘Narcissist’ it was a true revelation! I was lucky in that my instinct saved me….I know and feel such hurt and sadness that kind, caring people are targeted by these monsters (even though they can be extremely clever at hiding their predatory, life-sucking existence, meaning that outsiders just don’t believe us!). I do think having a ‘name’ is an enormous help in making us understand these ‘personalities’. Somehow makes it ‘real’ and not just in our heads. Even more important is the realisation of their patterns of behaviour and the sheer numbers affected!! Quite astonishing!

Yet, the more we read and share our experiences, the more knowledgeable we become. The stronger we (eventually) become. We heal ourselves. That, in turn, will have that ‘ripple’ effect upon others, which will become wider and more encompassing. We are all ‘connected’ in the Universe. Cause and effect.

Sites like this one has a huge part to play. We need each other for support. Together, we can help free the trapped, starve the afflicted vampires and become whole, loving persons again in our own right. Then our balanced selves will, in turn, positively affect those near to us….and so will ripple out….. Obviously it will take time. But where has our fast-paced, materialistic little lives got us? I’m not suggesting a hermit existence! Just a little more ‘balance’, standing back and taking stock. Good things take time. Experience of Narcissists can heal us. I personally believe it is Karma. A lesson we must learn and understand. To change. Many of us may have taken lifetimes, repeating the same patterns over and over. How liberating is it when we finally see it for what it is??! Whatever your chosen faith or beliefs.

Is there really an increase, I wonder? Or is it that we are more aware of them now?? Looking back in time, it seems there has always been an abundance of them…..

    kittytailstomper says January 16, 2015

    Wow. This resonated so deeply with me. I need to let it all sink it and come back when I have time to really engage. Superb post!!! Thank You, Namaste

      Kim Saeed says January 17, 2015

      Thank you so much for stopping by and for commenting 🙂

Karin says January 4, 2015

Your timing is spot on for me again Kim. A lengthy bout with flu inspired me to opt in to Netflix and I’ve been compiling my “must watch” list today. In the days before I knew what I know now of Narcissism, I would sometimes think to myself “The Wendigo has taken him”, when his mask would slip.It was the only way I could articulate to myself what the bizarre personality and behavioural changes were like to live with on a daily basis.
Very much looking forward to checking out the movie and some new insights!

    Kim Saeed says January 4, 2015

    Thanks for stopping by, Karin, and for commenting. It’s great to see you here.

    Let me know what you think of the documentary 🙂 I thoroughly enjoyed it and came away with some wonderful insight.

Kari says January 4, 2015

I think it matters less what it’s called, be it Wetiko, Narcissism or Emotional Vampirism. the thrust of the energy is powerfully destructive. I agree that we need to raise awareness. But sometimes I feel like people think I may have lost it myself as this can sound pretty extreme.

    Kim Saeed says January 4, 2015

    Kari, you’re correct, it doesn’t really matter what we call it. The damage is still the same.

    You do have to be aware of who you share the details of your situation with. My advice is, if it feels awkward when you begin talking to someone, then change the subject. Many people haven’t experienced this type of abuse, so they cannot relate to it…meaning that our stories do sound very bizarre to most people.

Mary says January 4, 2015

For over 3 years I have been on the narc roller coaster ride from hell. As an empath, I was compelled to help this man and his obviously wounded soul. The psychic vampire in him finally won. I am a shell now, knowing that the dreams I had warning me about him were true, and in effect saved me from marrying this monster of a man. He never hit me, but the emotional and verbal assault, slow but steady, the jabs, the controlling stirred me into a watered down person and a shadow of my former self. I know I can’t see or talk to him again, and he lives right up the road from me, so the chances of seeing him driving are there. I can only hope he moves. Not that I don’t love him and “feel” him, he is still a vampire of my soul. The connection I have is still there and I am searching every topic to learn how to cut this cord. I have to so I can move on from this. I know I will always carry this man in my heart and it hurts. I know I am better off without him. He will always be my ghost. No contact 3 months almost. It’s not as bad now but I know why-it’s because I have dulled myself to do it. That may hurt worse than any of it, the taking of my soul. I will continue to work towards the closure my mind needs. And I pray and hope for others that have gone through this as well; there are many. Too many. This behavior is criminal. I am waiting for my healing and look forward to my future. But this will be a part of me for the rest of my life. Bless us all, we need it.

    Anonymous says January 12, 2015

    I have been reading and following this wonderful site for about a month now and the descriptions of how you felt and feel are exactly what I would have written about myself and how I am feeling at this time. It has been a few months since starting this new chapter in me and my sons life and I agree with you it is so freeing and without a doubt a more pleasant energy to be in. The negative we had experienced will forever be with me, it will not define me. Most important, I have awareness of the characteristics of a narcissist now but my mind will never wrap around the energy that they can drain, (yet we allow) without missing a beat in their lives. We are not suppose to be able to understand it, that is a blessing.

Laura says January 4, 2015

Hi Kim, I have currently subscribed to your newsletter and find the information you provide on narcissism very helpful. I have recently left a relationship if 1 year with a narcissist sex addict. My discovery of his secret life happened about a month and a half ago. I gathered information, made copies and walked away. However, I am dealing with the aftermath day by day. Can you shed light on what you know about narcissism/ sex addiction combined. I should add that my partner exposed himself to both men and women during the course of our relationship. Thank you. Laura

maryleemorgan says January 4, 2015

Wow! “…unconsciously doing the very thing they are reacting to while simultaneously accusing other people of doing it” sounds so much like my soon-to-be-ex-husband and his convoluted, upside-down view of the world. Some of them are very subtle, and it took me a long time to figure it out.

Joyce M. Short says January 4, 2015

So glad you brought this out!

I was terribly disheartened at the recent controversy over our country’s sanctioned torture in Guantanamo and other places. We were once the bastion of morality, guided by virtue and decency. But here we are, in the name of preserving the moralistic society we cherish, stooping to the vices we decry.

Society needs to make a choice. Do we become brutal in the name of thwarting brutality? If so, aren’t we simply subverting our own values from the inside? Aren’t we doing to ourselves what we intend to prevent from others? Have we yielded to accepting a societal lack of conscience in order to protect ourselves from people who lack conscience?

Are we seeing the end of moral expectations in our world? Will only those without conscience survive to wreak havoc on the perceived “weak;” those who prefer to cherish the humanity in mankind?

I think our society has, indeed, reached the tipping point. And I think we see it expressed in our daily living as more and more people diminish others for their personal gain. It’s a fear that compels me to attempt to create laws to prevent immorality, before it’s too late.


Paula says January 4, 2015

Wetiko is powerful. It is insidious. Even those without full-blown narcissism or sociopathy express behavior characterized by wetiko. We as survivors see this so clearly. We are immune to wetiko as long as we remain diligent and continue fighting against it. The battle is not easy, considering we are surrounded on all sides and from every angle by wetiko influences: money, consumption, vanity, power and control. Our society is governed by the necessity of ALL of these things today. Those with the most over take those with the least and weaken us. So how do we shift the collective focus from one of outside, materialistic acquisition to one of internal, spiritual freedom from material acquisition? This is no easy feat and must first happen at the individual level before it can move to the organizational level and finally to the community level. This is the theory of transformational learning and it’s being put into practice by all of us who refuse to give up despite the many setbacks and struggles we have encountered getting to this point. A shift is on the horizon and sharing this news is exactly how to make that shift a reality sooner rather than later.

    Kim Saeed says January 4, 2015

    Thank you for such insight, Paula. I’m glad to be walking beside you as we continue to spread awareness into 2015 <3

Anonymous says January 4, 2015

Interesting post and commentaries. I have studied Native American Spirituality for many years and have heard of a Wetiko but will look into it further as well as watch the movie. Since my husband showed his true self and the mask slipped off and he left I have been researching and finding comfort in these sites. It has been almost 6 months since that time and I too agree that narcissism and psychopaths are on the raise and believe it is a battle that we must not ignore. I am a light worker and have studied and practiced healing modalities for many years and I believe they are attracted to us, to the light as I know some colleges who have had run in’s with these types as well. I was lucky that he moved on to a new source and left me for my energy was very low and I believe I was in grave danger ……they are energy vampires, He was sucking the life out of me and the energy returned and the fog lifted the moment he and his crap was out of my home! I immediately felt the need to help others in this situation and to share my story and my ongoing path to healing. Thank you for this site. I look forward to more information and guidance.

    Mary says January 12, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. It is mind boggling to try to wrap my head around this kind of mentality. Today I am down. I don’t want to see or hear from him again. I just want the closure that I will never get. He lives close to me and I get panic attacks driving down my own road. I don’t want to move. I hope he does. Love and blessings to you and your son on your new and improved life.

inspiredbythedivine1 says January 4, 2015

Wonderful post. I’m going to watch “I Am”. I’ll let you know what I think of it.

    Kim Saeed says January 4, 2015

    Great! I was awestruck, quite honestly 🙂 Would love to know your thoughts!

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