break soul ties with the narcissist

8 Ways to Break Soul Ties with the Narcissist

Sharing is caring

Does it seem that the narcissist is larger than life?  Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts about them and wish you could get them out of your head?  Do you feel that you love him or her more than anyone or anything else in your life, in spite of the hell they put you through?  Are you searching for ways to break soul ties with the narcissist?

The emotional damage we experience as a result of narcissistic abuse results in blocked and negative energy.  When this energy stagnates in our bodies, it causes many unpleasant symptoms such as sadness, depression, and physical disease.  

Sadly, traditional therapy is often not enough to overcome this seeming soul takeover.  It doesn’t address the largest underlying factor of what happens in cases of emotional trauma…loss of parts of the soul. Many times a patient is diagnosed with a mental or emotional condition when what’s happened is that parts of their soul have fled in moments of extreme emotional shock.

Soul loss is similar to what psychology refers to as “dissociation”.

There is nothing like it, and it can make you feel like it is literally impossible to get your sanity back, your soul back, and your life back so you can rebuild it.  It is the hardest of all ties to break, based on what I’ve seen over the last 15 years in our healing community.  The narcissist may have been absent from a former target’s life for a decade or more, but they are still troubled by the narcissist, even after being free from the toxic relationship for that long.

This battle you’ve been in with narcissists is a spiritual one.  And it’s responsible for most of the physical, emotional, and spiritual maladies you’ve been experiencing.

8 Ways to break soul ties with the narcissist

Below are eight alternative healing methods that are wonderful complements to professional therapy.  While there are many other alternative healing methods, the below suggestions are among the most common.  It’s best to experiment with all of these in an effort to find the ones that resonate with you.  Once you make this distinction, incorporate them into your regular routine. 

1) Rid your home of anything the narcissist gave you or that belonged to them 

Inanimate objects can and do absorb the energies of those who use them.  Although it may sound bizarre, this is actually the simple law of nature.

Everything is made up of energy, including our thoughts and emotions which submit their own frequencies.  When we touch objects, our energy attaches to that object in the form of energetic “residue”, and whatever emotion we were experiencing at the time is what vibration attaches itself to the object.  Thus, it only stands to reason that if your home is full of things that belonged to the narcissist, it is steeped in negative energy.

If you aren’t yet convinced about this concept, then at the very least, having things in your home that belonged to the narcissist will always result in a negative mental association and can result in triggers and memories of trauma.  

As soon as you can, collect everything that belonged to the narcissist and get rid of it.  These items might include clothes; jewelry; CDs; movies; pictures; luggage…anything that belonged to them.  You can put it all together and have it delivered to the narcissist through a third party, or donate/sell the items.  Do the same with any gifts they may have given you.

2) Sage your home 

“Saging,” or the practice of smudging with sage, is a ritual rooted in indigenous cultures, particularly Native American traditions, and it’s often used for spiritual cleansing and purification. Some people find it helpful for various reasons, including:

  1. Symbolic Cleansing: Saging is symbolic. The act of burning sage can represent a cleansing of negative energies from your space and your life. When dealing with a past toxic relationship, this symbolic act can help you mentally and emotionally cleanse yourself from the lingering negativity associated with that relationship.
  2. Mindfulness and Intention Setting: The process of saging often involves setting intentions. You can use this moment to consciously focus on releasing any emotional attachments, resentment, or pain related to the toxic relationship. The act of saging can serve as a reminder of your intention to let go.
  3. Ritual and Closure: Rituals can provide a sense of closure and structure during times of transition or emotional healing. Saging can serve as a ritualistic way to mark the end of the toxic relationship and the beginning of a new, healthier chapter in your life.

It’s important to note that saging is a personal and spiritual practice, and its effectiveness can vary from person to person. Some individuals find great comfort and peace in such rituals, while others may not resonate with them. If you’re interested in trying saging as a way to break soul ties from a  past toxic relationship, do so with an open mind and a clear intention.

3) Essential Oils 

Entering a space can make you feel light and uplifted, or leave you feeling depleted and drained. Either way, you are responding to the energy of that environment.  But did you know that essential oils can help you clear that energy out and raise your vibrational frequency?  They are best used in diffusion and air sprays, and would not hurt to use them as a body oil either if you feel this would be beneficial (I use Young Living’s White Angelica).

4) Release the memory

This step might take some time but can be of tremendous help.  This will require recalling specific events that were especially traumatizing, so you might want to do it when you are able to be alone.

Write a letter to the narcissist explaining that what they did hurt you.  Let them know exactly how you feel about their painful behaviors.  If you feel you hate them, let them know.  Don’t hold anything back.  Then, plan a burial for the traumatic memories, complete with a eulogy.

Doing this for individual events is most effective because it provides specific closure where it’s needed.  The symbolism is very powerful and cathartic for most people who do this.

5) Emotional Freedom Technique

EFT is a form of psychological acupressure, based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments for over five thousand years, but without the invasiveness of needles. Instead, simple tapping with the fingertips is used to input kinetic energy onto specific meridians on the head and chest while you think about your specific problem – whether it is a traumatic event, an addiction, pain, etc.

EFT can be done, without the help of a practitioner or therapist, by yourself in the comfort and safety of your own home. Or, you can work with a professional EFT practitioner or even a skilled friend, and get support as you are going through the healing process.

6) Reiki Massage

Reiki healing has a multitude of benefits such as emotional clearing, raising the vibrational frequency of the body, and helping to break addictions (such as trauma bonding and the neurological chemical addiction from being with a narcissist).

Studies show that reiki treatment may create feelings of:

  • Peace.
  • Relaxation.
  • Security.
  • Wellness.

By using the Reiki technique, we are able to remind our bodies how to restore and heal themselves.

7) Cord-Cutting

A psychic cord can create severe problems on emotional, subconscious, spiritual, energetic, and physical levels. These cords are often the main reason for blocked creative energy, repressed self-expression, loss of personal power, unresolved anger, fear or grief, weak interpersonal boundaries, and poor health.  Cord-cutting can help alleviate some of these symptoms.

8) Enroll in The Break Free Program

Students who are doing Break Free work are able to keep clearing up and out the negative ties with the narcissist, even if the narcissist tries to re-hook. In addition to feeling joy, inspiration, motivation, and purpose again, the feeling of the narcissist living under their skin begins to dissolve away.  This was also my experience when I broke free from my ex’s psychic vampirism which left me feeling depleted and drained.

You will find this same liberation when you join the tribe of survivors who’ve not only stayed in No Contact but have survived and THRIVED after narcissistic abuse.


Why are there so many healing methods to choose from?  Because we’re all unique individuals with different personality types, experiences, backgrounds, and learning styles.  What works for one person may or may not work for another.

Final thoughts on doing this healing work:

  • If you don’t feel an immediate release, it may come later in the day or at night, once you’ve finished your day and are able to relax.
  • If you do these techniques and feel yourself getting depressed afterward, or that you’re starting to get sick or you’re suddenly extremely tired, this may mean the old emotions are releasing. In this case, please make time to process the emotions. If this outcome persists, notify a professional therapist.
  • If you feel spaced out or disconnected, it’s another sign that the emotion is trying to release. You can help yourself by grounding and centering yourself, taking a salt bath, or lying down and doing guided meditations.

Did you find this article interesting? I’d love to know how you feel about breaking soul ties with a narcissist. As always, I look forward to your comments and questions below!

Sharing is caring

Leave a Comment:

Lizzy404Ging says August 16, 2023

a very narcissist, attention seeking you tube user, named: JanBren22, threatened me, with the cops/the law/the police, in the fall and the summer, of 2019, after I tried to be JanBren22’s friend starting in 2018/2017 as so many others do too, and attention seeking you tube narcissist named JanBren22, does this to everyone and everybody, online, on you tube, obviously!! the remaining stuff, still kind of hangs around, even in 2023, from 2019, not as much as it did and was though, because there’s a point, you just have to get back to/return to doing what NEEDS to be DONE, in your own life, yep!! I AIN’T got NONE for JanBren22 on you tube, NO MORE, and NEVER should have to start with, either, nope. WAY MORE important STUFF going ON in THIS life, from now, and from even back then, TOO, but NOT JanBren22, NOPE.

Joan says May 22, 2020

what do you do if the narcissist is your thyprist. Who insted of helping you with your issues is looking to you to build up is self esteem and when you figure out that’s wrong he give you the silence treatment and then discarded you.and is boss/supervisor wont listen to you.and he is still looking after others.

Donna says December 13, 2018

My name I’d Donna I’m 6mths pregnant wit a 9mth old baby n my x thought it convenient to go look for happiness the worst part about it b4 it all came to light he strung me along making me show him my messages n making me prove to him that I wasn’t talking to no one only to have been moving along the whole time worst thing about it he was very abusive towards me physically mentally and especially emotionally he blames it all on me saying that I left that I broke up r family but he never takes into consideration the abuse he put me through while we were together now I’m left to pick myself up off the floor while caring for my daughter and soon to be here son while he lives happy with the next best thing in his eyes I’ll admit my heart is beat but I feel like I saw it coming the whole time I’m trying not to fall into a depression for my kids sake but my roads been a ruff one n I just truly ask for prayers from anyone who reads this thanks in advance

David says November 26, 2018

First time I began checking into your site and learning was a little over three years ago after an overt narcissist relationship. And then I was immediately “rescued” buy an ex-flame who I helped through her mother’s nursing care and death, buy a house with her father and get her placed on title only to be mercilessly dumped after spending 5 weeks with my sister who is dying of pancreatic cancer and after proposing and setting a December wedding date with C.L.A. It did come out of the blue but not entirely since I had already been reading articles thanks to the previous relationship.
So, good for me, two in a row. But I now know that Cyn is not a wounded woman recovering form narcissistic boyfriends and love interests but is in fact herself an inverted covert narcissist. And she has hooked up with a very strong willed “female friend” who is definitely an overt narcissist. Mutual attraction made from pure evil. Truth is I could see it coming when I left to help my sister and no amount of daily text messages, phone calls and letters and cards in the mail was going to fix it. I just didn’t think it would get this bad nor had I realized yet that my needy significant other was in fact a narcissist herself.
Recovery is my challenge, and yes, it is taking too long….lol. I know. Slow down and get through it. I’m already a life-long naturopath and empath so at least I have that to draw from and I have already been practicing some cleansing but still need to work on untying souls.
The fact we attend the same church where I have ministry responsibilities doesn’t help as neither does the fact her new found friend has been decades long entrenched in para-church ministry. Changing churches is not an option for my soul at this time and although the flying monkeys have been challenging as has been her attempts at destroying my reputation at church and with family members there are enough people who do not believe her that it is tolerable for the time being. Although I must say she and her two new best female friends and lovers (solidly self-proclaimed man haters) are a match made in hell. Oops was that too honest or unfair of a statement to make?
I won’t belabor you with the details. And the fact that where the first open door for my temporary relocation happened to be was literally steps away from where we used to live. Maybe that was necessary. It helped me realize who she was and the lies she had been telling me just by observation. I have now survived two court battles with her already and am still standing after watching her and her witnesses tell lie after lie in court only to be caught and have their stories not even line up. She seemed really shocked and confused that she wasn’t believed. No doubt she has successfully destroyed my predecessors in and out of court before.
All this, Kim, and yet I miss her or what we had (or what we really never had, which I know is a joke and illusion for the last three years). I know I have been snake bit and poisoned and I know the chemical reactions I have been subjected to. I can see and feel it. And, yet……….
Just getting this off my chest with someone I know who knows how it is because no one else around me can even relate. They haven’t been there. They can’t even acknowledge the reality or the possibility of something like this. It’s too much for them. Thanks for being there. Although I feel totally alone at times, I know I am not the only good guy this has happened to. I think support from caring people who get it is going to really make the difference in my case. Thank you!

Carol says August 30, 2018

I am 82 years old and for the past. 19 years have been raising a great grandson who has had no contact with either parent since he was 3months old.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 2years counseling to age 16
High school dropout
At 16 his. Personality changed he has anger tantrums
Where he breaks things(always my house my furniture just my stuff) A year ago he and a girl friend were having an argument over the phone. And when I ask him what was wrong he shoved me.I had him arrested he spent 3 weeks in jail I was very upset for him on one hand and deep down enjoying my freedom of a messy house abusive vulgar language distructive anger. He got out of jail and was given 1year probation anger management,fines drug testing and required to get a job. All of which he has complied with.while using my car.nonebof which has helped more than 10%and that is his fear of going back to jail.he has a deadline set by my to be out of my house by Jan 1sr2019.I can’t wait.I try to tell his girlfriend of 3years what she is dealing with but she says he is not abusing her I know better.But I have got to move on with the little time I have left.God wants me to care for people but he does not want me to be abused.
This blog has given me the courage to follow through with the plan.
Then with a new year repair damage to my house and put it up for sale and move to an apartment.thank you

susie says September 10, 2017


Iv’e just recently found this site. My exNarc kicked me our of our home 2 years ago after had been injured in a car accident.While recovering, he denied heat, TP, flushing the toilet,inadequate food and the abuse escalate rapidly. I got our with my daughter(9 years old) and went back to my former house. Our town really small and very intimate. He has worked his way into everyone grace–especially my daughter’s school> They think I’m crazy and mentally ill.He does all sorts of favors for the school and all of the parents. My poor daughter has to be with him 35%. Nobody believes her about the kinds of things he does. he’s causing a lot of psychological abuse for her. He’s been “gas-lighting” me at public level(in school) and trying to remain close with my family. My family can’t understand why I left.

narcabusesurvivor says September 6, 2016

How do you deal with the lonelyness? Not always but, sometimes, it’s horrible.

    Kim Saeed says September 6, 2016

    Hi narcabusesurvivor,

    Well, I can speak from my own experience. I would take myself to dinner, to the movies, to get a mani/pedi. I spent time listening to guided meditations. I joined a Meetup group. I spent time at Barnes & Noble. Although I didn’t do any volunteer work back then, it’s definitely a great way to ward off feelings of loneliness. I’ve noticed several shelters and farms recruiting volunteers to hug and cuddle with baby goats and such 🙂

    Hope that helps!


      Donna says December 13, 2018

      We’re can u find meet up groups

    Laura says October 13, 2023

    i told myself that no matter what i needed to realize i needed to do for me what i need and want alone is not bad no one is there to force or destroy anything and i shoud embrace the chance todo anything of once sacrificed that i can choose to complete now instead of all the regret i had for sacrificing so much to a failed 20 year relationship. i can do anything i couldnt do before and i shoud do anything i can now to not live in any regret ….

Grace says September 1, 2014

I’ve found this a very helpful article. And will begin to apply some of these, one at a time. The only thing is that I don’t know how to find the thing or reason within me that allowed the continued disrespect or abuse except that he was intimidating and I’ve had threats if I ever left……until I knew too much and stood up regardless of what I ended up with after reacting to his calm psychological abuse…ultimately, he began to feel I would exploit him which I so wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it. sure ly there must be something more within me that contributed, right?

    Kim Saeed says September 6, 2014

    Grace, it takes a lot of self-inquiry to understand why we remain in abusive relationships. In many cases, it stems from issues related to childhood. However, staying involved with the abuser will limit progress, so I always recommend going No Contact first, and then trying to heal and learn whatever lessons we may from our reasons for staying…

Grace says September 1, 2014

I’ve found this a very helpful article. And will begin to apply some of these, one at a time. The only thing is that I don’t know how to find the thing or reason within me that allowed the continued disrespect or abuse except that he was intimidating and I’ve had threats if I ever left……until I knew too much and stood up regardless of what I ended up with after reacting to his calm psychological abuse…ultimately, he began to feel I would exploit him ..which I so wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Anonymous says August 26, 2014

I used reiki and reconnective healing. Very grounding, they gave me the courage and strength to leave NPD partner. I would recommend these to anyone in the same situation.

angie says August 25, 2014

I would love to get rid of everything that reminds me of him. Unfortunately, after twenty years together, that would be literally 90% of everything I own, including my dog and, most importantly, our son. That being the case, what do you suggest?

Psychic Cord Cutting as Part of the Healing Process | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed says July 9, 2014

[…] want to also clear out the area where you performed the ritual through smudging or diffusing essential oils, such as sage or lavender.  Cord cutting is not generally recommended […]

idiotwriter says June 13, 2014

Kim, I love strolling around your site. I do not comment on everything (there is JUST so much on the topic isn’t there – and you SO have it so well covered) You are a star. Thank you for doing what you do dear.
One theme in here made me smile so much – There comes a time to move on from the ‘mourning’ and the ‘hating’ and the ‘talking about it and letting it out’…and to focus on the future and all life holds for us. To be so grateful for the second chance.
So easy to stumbled down ‘nightmare lane’ and revisit such things. I imagine writing on the subject as much as you do means YOU are well into a place where it is another lifetime ago? I have found that until I reached a point where I FELT and saw myself as a different person on a different planet that if I began to discuss the past I would get depressed and anxious etc.
There truly is something to be said for working through it – but then….leaving it in the past. Forget it…but don’t forget what it taught you…so you can go on to help others heal. (AND keep yourself aware and safe too!! 😉 )
God bless you in your work dear.

    Kim Saeed says June 17, 2014


    Thank you so much for your very meaningful and insightful comments.

    As I make my own transformations, they carry over into my writing. I’ve discovered it’s best to leave the abuse in the past after learning from it. After all, we have reasons why we chose/choose to let someone continue treating us with disrespect and scorn…it’s best to get to the root of those reasons instead of continuing to try and figure out the disordered.

    Once we’ve done the self-work, there is a whole other beautiful world waiting for us. I do consistently take a couple of days off from the blog now to balance out my focus. In your words, “Forget it…but don’t forget what it taught you”. Those are the wisest words I’ve read in some time 🙂 <3

    Thank you for stopping by, iw…it always warms my heart.

      idiotwriter says June 18, 2014

      Oh bless you Kim – this really put a big old smile on my face this morning. Thanks hey 😀 <3
      So cool when there are those fine tendrils that we allow to connect us as people –
      YOU know – tendrils are fragile…but beautiful…that balance between those soft tendrils creeping out to reach, and keeping our own strength – can be tricky sometimes.
      HONESTLY – at times feel like NOT letting them grow outward…but I KNOW that is completely self defeating and makes me and anyone I come into contact with, ill at ease and just plain miserable! LOL!

Susan Lattwein says June 3, 2014

Great post as usual, Kim. The older I get, the more I understand about the positive and negative energy from different people, and am learning to keep up my own positive energy rather than rely on the reflected energy of others. Thank you!!!

Turn Your Problems Into Opportunities | Leap Like A Frog says June 1, 2014

[…] 8 Ways to Cut the Energy Ties with Your Narcissistic Abuser […]

    Kim Saeed says June 4, 2014

    Thank you for the pingback 🙂

Teela Hart says May 31, 2014

Thank you Kim.

    Kim Saeed says May 31, 2014

    You’re welcome, Teela 🙂 <3

Add Your Reply