Dear Kim – How Would a Dumped Narcissist Feel if You Were to Date His Friend?

She always told me that if I cheated on her she would sleep with my best friend because if I cheated we would break-up and who would I go to for comfort? You guessed it..
At the time I saw it as brilliant and manipulative, not realizing that it was Narc behavior. She had me practically proving my fidelity to her when she did not do as much. Hers was more guilt statements to get me to prove myself while she sat around.
(Not so) Ironically, she cheated on me and before we broke up (in the way only a Narc can…no warning, blaming you and never really going away) she told her about-to-be new lover that she was going to sleep with the woman I had ‘cheated’ on her with. News Flash: I had NOT cheated on her, but I was still very casually kinda dating my BFF when I met my now Narc Ex two years prior (My friend and I had been friends for over 10 years at that point). Narcs Never Ever forget a slight. They put that in a backpack and carry it around.

My BFF and I are not good friends anymore. She was playing “neutral” which to me reads picking the Narcs side. Sucks, as she and I have been friends for 12 years and for a short time more than friends, yet she is “neutral”. Sucks. Still not sure if they did not screw around, it certainly was on the table..

You WILL lose friends in a Narc breakup. Everyone will see you as crazy. Funny, guess which of my my/our friends I kept? Te one who didn’t cave into her Spin Doctoring of the situation. Any friends that I had gotten of “ours” went to her ‘side’. Funny, my Narc Ex ensured she became super buddies with mine. I now realize it was Flying Monkey bullshit and Winning at all costs. She criticized my involvement in their semi-wild lifestyle, but then later was all FB friends with them, even with a person from that crowd that I did not like at all.

I did this actually and it was the first time in 7 years the narc let me go. Things are on a continuum. I don’t think there was no love there at all for me, on the contrary there was a lot of love and when he saw me date his friend, he kept his mouth shut, and silently released me. He never said an ill word about it. He had another girlfriend at the time and in the midst of my new relationship, his girlfriend dumped him and he sad with us, sadly, showing us the ring he’d bought her. And even then, did not lash out.

I think it’s a mistake to paint things black and white. Like there is no love, or they only see you as an object. I know the goal is to make sure we leave the narc and never look back, to squash that hope, and I know that’s necessary. But I don’t think it’s necessary to completely demonize.

Turned out the friend was a narc too. So the cycle just went on, but his grasp was not as strong as the first, and now I’m free of both of them (and still falling prey to others, though seeing it much faster. I have a lot of work to do yet.)

Heh, heh, heh. now that we know how yummy the narc is at first, we can always have a good time with the next narc, and now that we know when to quit, as soon as we sniff the vapor of devaluation, we SPLIT, and institute NO CONTACT immediately! so, so, bad…naughty me.

Your narcissist has friends………….WOW !!!!!

[…] Dear Kim – How Would a Dumped Narcissist Feel if You Were to Date His Friend? […]

I am thinking: never mind the friend – DATE ANYONE and you may as well paint that lovely picture of yourself! 😉

Hi Kim,

Thanks for another great article. I burst out laughing at the humor. Personally, I don’t think your humor is too twisted, because if you don’t laugh, you cry, right? The “pet iguana” was a nice touch.

Personally, I wouldn’t have anything to do with anything or anyone connected to the Narc. Narc’s aren’t known for maintaining friendships because of the level of intimacy required to maintain one. That being the case, the so-called “friend” is probably a Narc himself (my theory is that like sticks with like otherwise fireworks of the wrong kind will go off) or that the friend is still useful to the Narc which makes one question what the “friend” is doing to keep the Narc happy. Either way, it’s a scary, no-win situation.

Kim, I had to laugh at your description of what would happen! A person has to have a sense of humor! When I read the title of your post I thought, “Are they serious??” I have to read this!!
I love the picture of the woman too! it is the way my ex described me after he found my blog. To anger an N is to bring the wrath of the devil for certain. After finding my blog my ex went from mild loathing and slander to down right character assassination. According to him I laid on the couch all day doing drugs, drinking, eating Tim Horton’s donuts and smoking cigarettes. He worked 24/7 to keep me in my drugs, smokes and donuts (I love that he added the donuts) and when he came home from work I was bitching that he didn’t make enough money. He sunk all his love, money and energy into the black hole that was me. The poor soul. The thing that saved me was he went so overboard it was unbelievable but very scary at the same time because anyone who can go to the lengths he went to in order to destroy me leads a person to believe he would stop at nothing to exact revenge.

Love love LOVE! the image of the flying monkies! Really enjoyed this article and your smear campaign article is really, REALLY good too. Learning every day. Thanks, Sarah x
PS As Kim said: DON’T date his friend – why would you want to?? Chances are higher that it’s a set up than true love. Move away if the town you live in is that small – nothing is coincidence with a narcissist. NOTHING.

Great information in this. It’s so easy to get caught up in fantasies that everything will be “fine” and “great”. You always have to be aware.

What’s interesting is my STBX is telling people I’m in cahoots with the OW’s ex husband and I don’t even know the guy. It doesn’t seem to matter what you do, they smear you. He left me for her and he’s still smearing me!