Death by Narcissism

I left home at 13 due to the abusive parents, at 23 I married who I believed to be a great guy. 27 years and 4 kids later I know the depths of my mistake. Everything I did in my life was with him in the back of my mind…meals, clothes, everything. I was told this was all ptsd and I needed to prove my loyalty…??? I was always 100% loyal, honest, but I made alot more money than he. He never contributed money, he destroyed and sabotaged everything I built. He literally burned our 4 kids beds, clothes, furniture, he made profiles on sex sites with my photos, chatted with men and got money from them, I never knew! When our home was in foreclosure I was barely able to walk, my whole body hurt down to bones, I was not able to drive or even brush my teeth, 4 pairs of eyes watched me die. I used to wake before the sun, clean and cook and then go up and groom all day, groceries, yardwork…everything was always being done by me, and then I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t eat! So my narc…being the hero for any audience …brought me smoothies. These smoothies were slowly killing me, I lost 20 pounds, leaving me at 100lbs and looked dead. Fast forward past the physical abuse that happened once but was enough to get him out and I filed …via divine intervention…for legal separation. I thought he would get counseling as promised, I was guilty for being unsupportive. He stole morphene off a medivac in Afghanistan and had been putting it in these smoothies. When he’d leave for a few days I would begin to feel a little better, I thought it was me, damaged woman, jaded…i had no idea. He was laying the foundation for my demise, told people I was a junkie and brainwashed our kids, I believed no one would believe me. He has other children, we now know. He stole 4 kids college funds, he blames our daughter for literally everything, she just turned 19. Hes been gone 3 years. He is living with a 36yr old female who has 2 minor children who have accused him of abuse , physical and nane calling but no one believes this 50 year old ass is anything but a good guy. I’ve just beat his ass in divorce court, he stated to me in front of a room full of (virtual) whitnesses, …”you were supposed to die, you didn’t fucming die, why wont you fucking die?!?!” I responded with , because it bothers you. Physically he doesn’t even resemble the guy I married, his eye color isn’t the same, and there is a rancid smell when he’s around, his attorney made mention of it as well. He is dangerous, at some point I pray he will be jailed, before he does cost someone their life, but the unraveling is slow and hes got the wounded warrior card he plays. I know I should have died. I know my kids would have been next, I know how lucky we are, I wish I could have recognized sooner, but we survived and we’ve learned to live again, friends who disappeared are back, i was so ashamed!! I have no family, but the support system I do have is more than I ever imagined!! Ill probably never be in another relationship, I can never be that vulnerable again, but I’m independent and my moxy is returning. He didn’t want any whitnesses, but alas! People did notice things and they did speak up! I was loyal and loved him and he used that to try to destroy me, ended up screwing himself. God didn’t punish me, he saved my life and removed the succubus from our lives. My eyes are open, I never knew someone so evil but I have my children and with therapy were healing….I wish I could help others who are where I was for 10 ish years, however, had anyone told me what was happening I probably wouldn’t have believed them, he was my husband after all. My advice: never give up your independence. Everyones situations are different, but we lose ourselves faster without our independence. Good luck and much Love, alisa. P.s. thank you so much for educating!!!

my sister died at 51 of a rare and aggressive bone marrow cancer. I know in my heart it was being with her narc husband for so many years that did it to her. She was barely a shell of herself way before she was diagnosed. She seperated from him once and I told her that she looked beautiful. She had the glow back she once had. She fell for his crying bs and took him back. Big mistake. She died leaving two kids behind. He is so bad with his own son who lost his mom at the age of 5. RUN!!!!!!!!!! Especially if you have kids. This blog and first & foremost my immersing myself in prayer which led me to this blog, my therapist and my escape. Do it now. With God, all things are possible.

Of all worst cases, mine cannot be counted out. I nearly committed suicide twice. I still find it hard to believe that I once had an intention of taking my own life!
Life with a narcissist is unexplainable sometimes.
No one hears the echoes if your pain and can never get a glimpse of the amount of emotional torture you are enduring.
So sad that the narcissist becomes healthier daily as they they watch us die slowly and unhealthy.
Kim dear, I want to say Thank you again.
Your story is worth reading!

I’m trapped. It’s a pandemic. I’m not working. I’m reliant on him for food & shelter..I know hes cheating. He hasn’t touched me in 2 years unless other people are around, FAKE LIFE FAKE SOUL FAKE PERSONALITY STOLEN FROM ME MOSTLY..I WANT OUT

Thankyou Kim for sharing I found death by narcissism brilliant and very true it’s given me a thought to make a journel we just never know because the narc is so unpredictable Regards Shelagh

I was just wondering if anyone of you has or still is with a narcissist
or sociopath who now has Parkinson. This is a difficult situation.

[…] not everyone is as fortunate.  Lives are ruined because targets of narcissistic abuse eventually fall prey to the uncontrollable need to defend […]

This is so sad!!
I was with my narcissist for 25 years, we raised 3 kids together. I lost friends , they left because they couldn’t stand him.
He was abusive to our kids.
I always resisted moving out of the neighborhood we lived in. It was my house, got before I entered the relationship. I felt deep down, that I wasn’t supposed to leave with him.
After so many years of a rocky on again off again relationship, fits of depression on my part, the kids were grown and moved out. He kept saying that I was being unfair to him by making him live in a neighborhood he deemed unsafe for him. So, I decided to move where he wanted to live to give him a chance to see if he was right and support him.
Biggest mistake of my life!!!
The first year wasn’t so bad as my brother lived with us, but my brother left because he couldn’t stand to be around my husband.
Then we went to live with my husband’s brother in the same neighborhood.
Here is where the abuse really ramped up!!
I was not in my part of town anymore nor yet close to my family which I had been before.
For a little over year it was hell on earth for me.
He wouldn’t let me talk or give an opinion, it was all about him. He raged on his pet topics which I was supposed to just sit and listen to. I had to go to sleep when he was ready, not when I wanted to/ had to. I was constantly exhausted. Constantly being raged at for little things.
Over the course of one year I had lost hope, felt stuck, and was seriously contemplating suicide. My brain was always foggy, I could barely make decisions for myself.
I was so scared that I was losing myself, my life, ME.
Over the past 2 years, he had been making the attempt at making me question all I believed in. I literally felt as if my soul was leaving me, my essence.
I was able to get out, to family. back to the neighborhood I wanted to be in.
The depression and fog almost immediately lifted. I was also sleeping 9 or 10 hours at night. I was exhausted and could sleep without fear of disturbance.
The change in me was almost immediate. I was happy again!!!

I caught the metaphor but this shocks me to the very core. I was 7 or so years into a “relationship” with a person with I’m guessing a crossover NPD/BPD – he has never allowed his mental health records to be accessed. I walked into my closet and realized everything I owned was either grey, tan, khaki or black. Every shoe was serviceable and ugly.
I’d previously been a petite, slim, vibrant green-eyed blonde who was teased (kindly) by her friends for her ability to turn every head wherever I went.
Shocked, I turned and walked out of my room, down the stairs of my home crying out silently to God. As clear as a bell I heard “You’re not dead yet”. That was the very moment I started the long journey of escape and recovery from the hell that being tied to a NPD/BPD/sociopath becomes.

This is so sad and so beautiful in its metaphors. As one who had suicidal depression following the ending of my relationship with a Narcissist I can really relate since journaling was one way I survived and was the place I took my sorrow and confusion, as when I met him I was very isolated.

Reblogged this on An Upturned Soul and commented:
This is a very poignant story. Is it fictional or is it non-fiction hidden within the safety of fiction? The feelings within it are very real. And that which it inspires is very real.

And if you’ve been in a relationship with a Narcissist, then you know all too well how the boundaries between what is real and what is unreal can blur, often making the unreal more real than reality.

Confused ?… confusion is at the core of Narcissistic abuse. They are very confused, but they don’t own their confusion, they pass it on to you and leave you to deal with it.

Once you’ve read this, please take the time to read this too:
Leaving Your Narcissist – Which Path Will You Take? (I’ll fix the link in a minute for those who read this before I do it)

[…] Raya presents Death by Narcissism at Kim Saeed’s Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, saying, “This flash-fiction piece […]

Wow, Kim, did this really happen to someone you knew? How did she die? I know victims often take their own life. So sad. -Lynn