Tips for Spotting a “Covert” Narcissist

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The differences between a covert and overt narcissist are more obvious than you may realize. 

For example, an overt narcissist has a big and arrogant personality, is selfish, demanding, and entitled while being witty, confident, and charismatic. On the other hand, a covert narcissist is secretly superior, passive-aggressive, and arrogant, but usually, they are introverted and quiet. They may also seem shy. 

It’s easy to tell if you are dealing with an overt narcissist; however, covert ones will slip under the radar because they seem almost “normal” at first. 

While both types pose problems and both are abusive and damaging, the covert narcissist usually sneaks up with you with subtle anxious and depressive behaviors. It is important to know how to spot these people before they get too close to you. Some of the signs you are dealing with a covert narcissist can be found here. 

Not Interested in Attention

A covert narcissist will be found at the back of the room. They don’t usually want to be in the limelight. 

These individuals may seem introverted and shy, and they usually have the victim’s personality. These individuals don’t have much finesse or social skills, and they aren’t comfortable with large groups of people like overt narcissists. 

The Victim Personality 

When you begin engaging with a covert narcissist, you will discover they have a victim personality. They will talk about how other people have done the wrong thing by them and how they have had fewer opportunities than others. 

The “Cold Type” of Narcissist 

A covert narcissist doesn’t have a black and white personality as an overt narcissist may. Most people who fall into this category are more miserable, anxious, and depressed than others. Usually, these individuals are not happy. 

It can be very tiring and draining to be around a covert narcissist, as they are usually passive-aggressive in the comments they make. Instead of putting you down right to your face, they will make subtle comments or accusations about you. This is usually done in a passive-aggressive, non-direct, and hurtful manner. 

However, if you address this in any way, you will see the typical narcissist response, including denial, projections, and defenses. They will also use all the games that make you confused and even question your own sanity. While the “hot type” or overt narcissist will be vicious with these things, the covert one will be more passive-aggressive and condescending.

Seeking Help  

If you are dealing with a narcissist, there’s no question that interactions can be tiring, draining, and frustrating. However, there is help available. Seeking therapy together is an option if they consider it; however, this is unlikely for most. In that case, you can seek guidance, advice, and therapy to help you remove yourself from the situation and live a better, happier life. 

It doesn’t matter if you are dealing with a covert or overt narcissist; they both cause many issues in your life. Walking away may be challenging, but it is often the only solution to these situations.  You are allowed to decide what boundaries work in your life. This may mean taking a no-contact approach. Breaking free from narcissistic abuse can feel overwhelming, but you deserve fulfillment, respect, and autonomy! 

Get Started On The Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

One of my greatest passions is helping previously victimized people become empowered. If you are ready for this astounding upleveling, the best thing you can do is join the Break Free community. 

My best recommendation is to find an online program to keep you on track and to offer support.  The Break Free Program has been vetted by therapists and neuropsychologists as an effective step toward getting over narcissistic abuse. Aside from keeping you safe from narcissists, it also empowers you to go out into the world with confidence.

Join Break Free and learn to:

  1. ✅ Dramatically overpower your addiction to the narcissist so you can stop being their victim
  2. ✅ Get to a place of acceptance so you can stop doubting yourself over your decision to heal your life
  3. ✅ Set limits and create stronger boundaries against emotional manipulation that has caused you to act out of character
    + so much more!

Just click the link to join:

👉 Join now with a sliding scale and lifetime access.

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1 comment
Kendra says January 11, 2024

I am beyond lost. What is wrong with me? I didn’t see it. Sad, confused, where do I go from here?

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