If you’ve ever been involved with a narcissist or you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse, you’ve probably heard of ‘love-bombing.’ It is part of the unhealthy cycle of abuse that proves very confusing for those on the receiving end. It is different than the rush of exciting emotions you experience at the beginning of a new relationship because it is used as a manipulation technique. While narcissistic conduct isn’t new, we are only beginning to understand its effects.
What Exactly is Love-Bombing?
Depending on who you ask, multiple behaviors can constitute love-bombing. The type of relationship also plays a role in identifying these behaviors. For instance, narcissistic parents can love-bomb their children just as an adult in a romantic relationship can love-bomb their partner. Love-bombing may include giving lavish gifts, insisting on constant communication, and other grand gestures of affection. Narcissists want other people to admire them and revel in their character. Love-bombing is effective because it involves creating stronger bonds that help bring about that sought-after behavior. Victims of love-bombing often dismiss the narcissist as intense or overly passionate.
Why is Love-Bombing Dangerous?
Victims of love-bombing typically have low self-esteem or feel undervalued in some area of their psyche, which makes them a prime target. Narcissists are skilled at identifying this weakness and using it to their advantage. Inevitably, love-bombing involves filling a void that we can’t fill ourselves. The spike in dopamine and serotonin is vastly more powerful than it is for a person with a healthy self-image. This is part of what makes the behavior so effective.
Love-bombing is dangerous because it is part of a cycle of abuse that is followed by devaluation and discarding. After the discard, the cycle begins again with the love-bomb. Victims often find themselves constantly seeking that positive attention and loving affection from the narcissist. They can become addicted to the intense rush of positive emotions that manifest with love-bombing behavior. Without proper treatment, victims can go on to unknowingly repeat the cycle of abuse while chasing after that rush of emotions.
The Control of the Love-Bomb
In the end, love-bombing is about control. It’s followed by a phase of devaluation to punish the victim for their ‘wrong behavior.’ It’s really a deflective tactic. Narcissists love attention and almost never take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they take what they learn about their partner’s feelings of inadequacy and use it against them. It’s a vicious cycle that can have devastating consequences. If you’ve been the victim of love-bombing or narcissistic abuse, healing is possible.
Breaking Free From Dangerous Love-Bombing
Even if you’re struggling with love-bombing, followed by horrific devaluing and discards, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to this destiny forever. You can restore your sense of control. You can embrace a healthier way of living and loving.
Whether you’re just discovering you are dealing with narcissistic abuse or are trying to heal from a narcissistic relationship, here are some helpful tips and resources:
1 – The Essential Break Free Bootcamp – Explore techniques derived from behavioral therapy (vetted by the psychological and neuro-psychological communities) to finally heal your life.
2 – The THRIVE program – Rediscover your lost self after narcissistic abuse (and prepare yourself for true love).
The Bottom Line
Everyone has the innate capacity to heal themselves. But, it’s likely you will need external support to heal the traumas that get in the way of your ability to tune into this gift.⠀Helpful tools and resources can assist you in developing effective ways to break free from narcissistic abuse.
