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narcissistic hatred

Why the Narcissist Seems to Hate You, But Won’t Let You Go

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Being the target of narcissistic hatred is the most confusing experience you’ll have in your life.  It’s wrought with ironies, opposites, and sleight of hand. 

Just when you think you’ve come out of the nightmare, you wake up in the middle of another one and there doesn’t seem to be any relief in sight.

It’s absolutely soul-shattering to give your all to the narcissist and feel like you’ve finally made some progress in getting through to them, only for them to smack you down with the most hateful, scathing episode to date.

It’s as though they truly hate you down to the core of your soul.  As if they can barely stand to be in the same room with you or breathing the same air as you…and they probably have told you this in so many words, but you are so traumatized by the sheer spite in their voice during these episodes, you have a hard time remembering everything they said.

The irony is that just when things seem to be truly over, and you’ve accepted in your heart and soul that it’s time to move on, the narcissist changes back to being seemingly nice, perhaps even affectionate.

It’s so utterly confusing.  Why do they do this?  Are they a tortured soul who is so wounded that they just can’t help it?  Is there anything at all you can do to speak to the wounded inner self the narcissist appears to hide, buried deep within them?

As a person who loves the narcissist, it’s usually easier to believe they have no control over these conflicting behaviors.  We can identify with what we believe is their inner pain…but this is a story we tell ourselves.  A story which keeps us enmeshed with them in a tempestuous cycle of insane highs and lows that ultimately depletes us of our very soul.

There is a reason they do this, but it’s hard to digest.  Sometimes, though, we need the truth because it’s the one thing that can finally set us free.

(watch the video here)

The Sad Truth About Narcissistic Hatred

The reason you’ve found yourself the target of narcissistic hatred is that they view love as a weakness and consequently, it repulses them. 

But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. This is why they seem to hate you but won’t let you go easily. 

The narcissist views you as a feeble underling; one which provides them with wonderful supply.  So, though they couldn’t care less about you as a person, they don’t want to give up the fringe benefits that go along with engaging in a relationship with you…albeit it a torturous one.

They won’t let you go because you are providing them with the things they need to survive as a narcissist.  These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking over the responsibility for their adult obligations, cleaning up their many messes, staying with them while they carry on affairs, and providing them a convenient receptacle for when they need to vent all their pent-up negative energies and rage onto someone. 

Therefore, it does no good for you to show your vulnerability to the narcissist and, further, why they seem to dislike you even more when you show your very human emotions. 

They want the benefits without all the damage control.  They want you to just be quiet about it all and go back to the person you were before you discovered who they really are.

This is why, when you try to make them see how they’re hurting you, it is utterly pointless.  In fact, it’s during these moments you see into the true core of the narcissist’s personality…and it’s chilling.

Nonetheless, in your mind, you love them and have bonded with them, and so you try to humanize them, believing they must think and feel the same way you do but just have a hard time showing it.

This is not the case. 

They are nothing like you and no amount of unconditional love will change this fact.  When we insist on believing the narcissist is like us, we are creating a story in our minds, writing the screenplay as we go along, thinking that with enough love and compassion, we will finally break through to the narcissist’s wounded self. 

This will never happen and it’s important to accept this painful truth so you go about getting over a narcissist.

Narcissists love to blame other people for their nasty behaviors.  In turn, you may respond by being more supportive, understanding, kind, or compromising in an effort to persuade the narcissist to halt their betrayals and cruelties.

Instead, what happens is, patterns of deception and denial are established.  This may be to avoid the narcissistic hatred or keep the peace, proving to the narcissist you’re not the crazy psycho they say you are but, underneath the surface, it’s a budding system of enabling. 

A system the narcissist fabricates from the very start. 

The Truth About When Things Seem Normal

It’s vital to understand that when the narcissist is being nice, it’s an integrated part of the abuse.  A reward, if you will, for sweeping their last attack under the rug and going back to your agreeable self.  The one who will smile at them while they carry on with their normal deplorable behaviors as though everything is on the up and up.

Additionally, they understand that if they give you a glimpse of the person they pretended to be when you first met, you will do everything in your power to keep the golden illusion alive…the illusion that things can be like they were before. 

All while you continue to be the target of their narcissistic hatred.  This is how trauma bonds become stronger over time.

If you go along with this mirage, you’ll be like the legendary solitary traveler who believes they’ve found water in the desert, only to find they’ve traveled deeper into the middle of nowhere with nothing around them to sustain life.

Copyright 2019 Kim Saeed 

If you’re tired of being the target of narcissistic hatred, consider signing up to our newsletter to get your discount and start breaking free from the pain.


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58 comments
Judy Reid says May 16, 2019

I’m living in the same apartment with my narcissistic husband in seperate rooms. I have discovered who he really is after 44 years of marriage. I’m finally strong enough to move on.

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Trixie says March 24, 2019

I recently realized my husband is a covert narcissist. We have been together for 15 years, and I always knew something was not right with him, but after researching a lot about the narcissism, I finally understand what it is. I am still in shock, but I am passed the denial. He put me through so much pain and suffering, I neglected my life, my career, moved to another country for him…I forgot who I was, he crushed my self-esteem, and now the consequences are starting to show on my physical and mental health. I am trying to be strong, for my child, but it is so hard, when he spits all his hatred in front of my young son. The worst thing is, everyone thinks he is this nice, quiet guy, committed to his family, but no one knows what am I going through behind the closed doors. I often wondered why he has no friends, why he doesn’t reach to other people, how can he live like that…The only people who come to our house are my family and my friends. And I think half of his family is also narcissistic. I am not able to leave him at the moment, because I did not work since my son was born, and it is very difficult for me to find my way in a country where I have no connections, no support, except for a few rare friends. But I finally understand why I was attracted to this guy, and I am determined to build up my life from ashes and be happy. I think he was a lesson I needed to learn in this life. As well as my ex best friend, whom I recently broke up with after realizing she was a narcissist too and has been using me for years, and finally treated me terribly…I understand that I am attracting these freaks, and that I need to change and start loving myself again.

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Geraldine says March 11, 2019

Am making good progress since the “relationship” with the idiot as I like to call him. What a long struggle it has been but one of things I am grateful for is all the work I have done on myself. I am “grateful” if that’s the word for this experience as it has changed me completely in the sense that I am no longer naive, no longer gullible, see people for what they are (most of the time) but if I’ve made a mistake, I now have no compunction about walking away. I’ve finally, finally realised it’s my life and I am not on this planet to make other people feel better. Just hoping my comments might help as it is worth the journey, it really really is. I saw the idiot the other day and just stared at him driving past with a blank expression as he brought no feeling out in me whatsoever. He hasn’t been back since! Fingers crossed.

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Skr says February 19, 2019

My narc if I can even say that has cheated on me so many times it s unreal when i moved away he begged me to come back. Courted me for six moths only to find out he was living with another women. She contacted me com i fought or hlm. Only to find out he would kick her out for the wenkemd when i come into town and bring her back when i left. This is like the013th time i have taken him back . Thinking he changed i would come back to town on a weekend only to find out he is married to is ex wife still. God the excuses are amazing and i fall for it ever time been doing this for two years. Not only is he still married but she posted the flowers she got on Facebook i got nothing but a happy valentines text message. And as he would say the great sex. Somehow the sex is not that great anymore. Once he got what he wanted From me. He spent the rest of the weekend making up excuses why he couldn’t see me. I’m working I’m going to the tax lady my friend got in a car accident oh my god this case is go on and on. Finally I blocked his number and drove back home only to have him call my work. I would love to believe that he misses me and wants me back and that he’s sorry for what he did but I know the truth. God I hope I don’t go back this time. Signed brokenhearted

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Ashley says February 19, 2019

I’m 4 months into my separation from my Narc. It has been the hardest 4 months of my life, well I take that back because the last 4 year of our relationship was pretty horrific as well. But I literally lost everything. My narc spent the last 4 years erasing my identity…selling my car, forcing me to give up a career to run his business, all while refusing to put me on his bank account or purchase assets in my name. On Nov 30th he attacked me to force me back into submission after a 4 day bout of gaining strength. Tonight I lay in the bed at the domestic violence shelter I’ve been in for the last 4 months, my friends and family 900 miles away. I’m here because God has given me the strength but your articles on my toughest nights remind me I’m not the only one and the torture and sexual assault I endured were real. No matter how well he has lighted me. They were real and the effects of his actions have been duplicated by many others. And the wounds its left can be healed. One day at a time, one step at a time.

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    You’re a brave and beautiful soul, Ashley. You will get through this, I can see it happening.

    Thank you for letting me know my articles have helped you in some way. It is an honor.

    Kim XoXo

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    Susan says February 19, 2019

    You are very brave Ashley. Stay strong. It’s hard, very hard. Your life depends on it!!!!

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    Amanda says February 19, 2019

    Ashley you are amazing!

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Susan says February 18, 2019

I went back 3 times and he is still trying to get me to go.

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Susan says February 18, 2019

Wow!! 12 years of abuse. Its been over a year since I have seen him because he is in Mexico. I was there with him the last 5 years of our relationship. I escaped. He almost killed me. I still had contact by text messaging him. Ive blocked that but I need to change my number. I deeply loved him. I know it wasn’t healthy. I gave up my life to go to Mexico when he was deported. Thats when it got really really bad. I could not understand why? I felt like he really hated me and his jealousy was different. When I did good he would be jealous. Not normal. I did everything for him. He had people do bad things to me. They tried killing me with electromagnetic torture among other torture. Ive been seeing a therapist for over a year now. Its been a very hard year! But im ok. Thank you for all the helpful videos.

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    Hi Susan,

    I’m glad you’re out now and on the path to a healed life. I truly wish you all the best. Thank you for letting me know my videos helped you…it means a lot.

    Kim XoXo

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Margie says February 18, 2019

So right on, Kim. God revealed this to me 3 months into a deception of a marriage after I had known this person for over 1 year and a half. By God’s grace, I escaped and have gone no contact. He still throws fiery darts at me but even with those he gets nothing from me. As though he didn’t exist. He is not worthy of my acknowledgement.

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    Margie,

    You are absolutely doing the best thing you could do…pretending he doesn’t exist. Great job on your bravery and discipline.

    Kim XoXo

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Chaun says February 18, 2019

This is so scarily accurate and sums up the last 13 years of my life. Are they always conscious they do this? My ex has spent a fortune on counselling over the years but seems to genuinely lack insight into who she is.
All makes sense though – She talks about our break up as though it was nothing to do with her and legitimises her cruelty by blaming me.

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    Chaun,

    Many narcissistic individuals go to counseling as a way to uphold the charade that they are the victim/they are trying to be a better person.

    It’s smoke and mirrors, part of the mask. I’m glad to know she’s your ex…and I hope you are working on your healing so as not to internalize her accusations.

    Kim

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Troy says February 17, 2019

I divorced her almost two years ago .. but she kept talking to me until a year ago and she lied to me again told her to leave me alone .. and three weeks ago she contacted me .. and now I feel like I’m in a take spin

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    Hi Troy,

    I understand how difficult it is. This is why I always advocate for blocking them and ensuring they have no way to contact you. Otherwise, you may stay in this tailspin indefinitely, wasting years of your precious life.

    Best of luck – Kim

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Torture bonded says February 17, 2019

My Narc of one year is always very polite always thanking me for doing the dishes or cleaning anything and everything politeness, as long as things are going smoothly, it’s a constant walking of eggshells, he has many of the traits of being a narcissist, but those sweet moments keep me pulled in, is this politeness normal narc behavior

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    Kim Saeed says February 19, 2019

    It’s hard to say with what little information I have, but it could be that he’s passive-aggressive. I’ve been in a relationship with this type of individual, and as you said…everything was all politeness and friendliness until something didn’t go his way or I wanted to communicate about our relationship, then the screaming Diabolus from H*ll would appear. Awful character assaults and ridicule would follow. Needless to say, he’s out of the picture and has been for a while.

    Hope that helps.

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
Jerry H. says August 24, 2018

Yes, this is all too familiar. I can remember leaving this horrible person I was married to on several occasions while she was at work after having a knock down, drag out fight and she would call me when she got home crying and telling me she had just brought home a present for me.When we would talk it over, and I would get sucked up in her lies, I would move back home of course. One foot note here…….she could never produce these so called presents she said she bought. ” I did not think you were coming back, so I returned them.” Right. It is all B.S. Four years now without this LIAR and CHEAT. There IS a real life out there, but I am still gun shy. This is what she has done to me. I am content being alone for now, it is nice having my serenity back and not willing to give it up. Thanks for your encouraging words Kim!

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Shirley Akpelu says August 23, 2018

If that relationship was love and marriage, may I never love and marry again! But of course, it was a toxic, one-sided dictatorship. Once I stopped going along with the charade, I was kicked to the curb. Being alone is better than being with a wolf in sheep clothing, a hypocrite, a pretender, a dark knight pretending to be an angel of light–you get the picture. I just want healing and recovery so I can attract a healthy human being instead of a demon narc swine.

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Mary says August 23, 2018

I am confused when it comes to narcissistic behavior. Does a narcissist knowingly know what there doing when they do the evil things they do? The narcissist has to know right from wrong,. Especially when they do certain things to hurt people. Yet I hear people say that they don’t think there doing anything wrong that what they do is normal to them. As smart as a narc is to fool so many people. Please clarify this.

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    Jerry H. says August 24, 2018

    Oh ya! They know what they are doing and that it is wrong, they just do not care. They have no heart. My narc was just plain EVIL!

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    Ms Sarah K Cox says February 17, 2019

    Honey from what I have learned thru my own experience, they DO know what they are doing, but they do it by instinct rather than making a choice. Like an animal let’s say.. So my narc wouldn’t be sitting at home stroking his imaginary moustache thinking of ways to torment me further, rather, his cruelty would be an instinctive response to a perceived threat.. Does that make sense? I say perceived threat because I could not have loved this man more & would no more cause him pain than a wounded kitten, but to him, my simply not responding to a text message within the required but unspoken amount of time, meant that I was hurting him and therefore he would lash out in his pain.
    Before he left the last time, he screamed at me that I had broken his heart for the last time, I would never do it again.. Sound familiar?? I had treated him with nothing but love & my empathic kind compassion our whole relationship, it was he who had lied, cheated, bullied, assaulted me, stalked me, I could go on… But what he was actually crying out was, you’re not giving me what I want any more!!! Stamp feet, toys skyward….
    I’m being flippant to mask my grief.. I’m not a survivor yet, but I intend to be….
    So short answer… Yes they know they’re doing it, but to them it’s entirely justified and nothing anyone could say will change that.. Because that would make them wrong.. And well, we know how that goes.. ;o)
    Good luck to you my friend x

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Anonymous says August 17, 2018

Me and my boyfriend broke up this week. After almost a two year relationship I never knew until not too long ago he is a narcissist. Well the #1 reason I left him is because I just lost my 16 year old son to suicide this past June and just the other day we got into an argument. From all the anger I can’t remember how but I’m more than sure he knew what he was doing and told me my son killed himself bc he didn’t love me or didn’t want to be around me. I couldn’t believe what i was hearing but it’s ok he’s one sorry MF and he supposedly moved out of town but I’ll guarantee you he WILL be back but I’m not. I don’t want anything to do with him. Just thinking about his sick and foul ways just brings me to pure disgust. Well now I know better.

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    Kim Saeed says August 17, 2018

    I’m so sorry you had to hear that. Yes, they are disgusting and vile creatures…nothing is sacred to them and they use your deepest wounds to punish you.

    Glad you’re out of that situation now. Wishing you all the best as you heal and move forward. I’m sorry you lost your son.

    Kim XoXo

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anonymous says August 4, 2018

my husband left me last year after 14yrs. of narcicistic abuse. For the last year , he has tried to come back into my life…i took him back but it was short lived, before his tendencies began to start up again….he wanted to live with me again, but would not unless i sign paperwork saying my daughter would not be permitted in the house, and if she did show up, i would have to pay for our divorce, and for a moving truck for him to get his belongings out of our house. i told him no and i have not heard from him in over 4months…….

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    Kim Saeed says August 6, 2018

    Hi Anon,

    I’ve heard similar stories about how narcissists try to destroy the relationships people have with their children. I am so happy to know you sided with your child. Not everyone does and it is heartbreaking.

    Kim XoXo

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Anonymous says July 31, 2018

I only realized I was in an abusive relationship 4 years ago and everything was afloat since then. Until I came across you, Kim – it made all the difference. You made me so courageous, you’ve given me strength and logic why I don’t need to stay. You are a blessing. I can’t thank you enough. 💖

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    Kim Saeed says August 1, 2018

    Wow, you just made my day 🙂 So touched to know my work has helped you along your journey!

    Kim XoXo

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Ralette says July 29, 2018

There is not much to say except this hits hard at home, I have been with my husband for over 20 years and I finally got a divorce… and I questioned myself saying was that the wrong choice, well yes no matter how hurt I feel, because he never will change. The women, the hurtful words, the disrespect.. etc …. Wow what a smack in the face…

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    Diana says February 17, 2019

    Sounds too familiar. I had put up with the narc in my life 24yrs. Not counting the times he didn’t come home for weeks or the times I booted him. I initially thought it was mainly womanizing, which is when I started to see and hear the demon in him. I was too fat, too skinny, too tired, crazy, it went on & on. I am so Thankful to Kim for giving IT a name! And each time I took him back it was worse. We divorced in 2010 but I tried again 2 yrs.back and he told me “You will marry me again”, I told him that would never happened! I paid dearly for that one. When he left I didn’t even know who I was, what I was, pretty much left me a shell. I have been in Therapy and finally having some Peace, Light and Positivity in my life. Have reunited with some old girl friends, my family is coming around. Total turnabout from a year ago when I was hoping he would just kill me. And At the time I gave quite a bit of thought of self harm. Thank God I made it out.

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Mary says July 18, 2018

I am so grateful and appreciative of the knowledge you impart. I have been in this hellish narcissistic relationship for 28 years. I identify with everyone especially the first person. I have been on my own now for 3 months and I never want to be with him again. He is truly a malignant Narcissist of the worst kind. And, yes I am angry at myself for putting up with him so long for all the various reasons. Thanks again Kim.

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    Kim Saeed says July 18, 2018

    Please don’t be angry with yourself, Mary. Trauma Bonding is harder to overcome than most substance addictions. The important thing to remember is that it’s never too late to be happy and you did the right thing. Wishing you all the very best.

    Kim XoXo

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Christina says July 10, 2018

Just 2 days ago we had one of our HUGE arguments. I don’t get up early, he doesn’t get his coffee. Same stuff, different day. But each argument adds more hateful and cruel comments and degrading. This time he talked about tying me to the back of his van, and dragging me down the street. I can’t get those words out of my head. Along with many others over time. I k ow he hates me, and I have left 3 times. But each time he comes for me. Asking me back. And, pike a dummy, there I go.
Everything is my fault, no matter what it is. And I can’t do anything right. I was blinded for years. Were going on 11 years and I don’t see how I missed it!!!! Now I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t know how to get out!!! I hope to get some answers from this program, otherwise, I don’t know what will happen.

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    Diana says February 17, 2019

    Call your domestic violence hotline and get all the information you can. You may have to go into a shelter for awhile. That’s what I had to do to finally get a protective order and get him OUT OF MY HOME! He would never leave if I told him too. Reach out to someone. And when you get away go completely “no contact”, that has been the only way he has left me alone. Abuse is abuse be it physical, verbal, emotional. Take care.

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    Susan says February 18, 2019

    Walk away and dont look back. He will kill you.

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theresa stolzenbach says June 28, 2018

I’ve been reading this and realize that most of us are/have lived each others lives. I have agonized for years, how did I get here? I was strong, independent, tough, and opinionated. Cheerful and giving…and also vulnerable for a predator like him. I didn’t understand how I allowed this stuff to happen….I feel ashamed, humiliated, degraded, disrespected, dehumanized, and depressed. My husband is a monster. I kept trying to keep the peace – walking on eggshells- making excuses – rationalizing. Finally, I get it! I have been systematically and methodically groomed for his deviant behaviours….I am his scapegoat and whipping boy. We had a fight…a bad one, and I nearly swallowed 45 – 200 mg lamictal (Literally in my mouth)…the next day he tried to brow beat me into coming to bed and giving him sex…(not even a remote chance)I’ve been coming here and with everybody speaking up and out….sharing…and caring I was able FINALLY able to understand! So last night I took his hands off of my body…I looked him the eye…said get OFF of me…and when he started to get mad…”what did I do” I said NOTHING…when I was literally ready to die just so I wouldn’t have to hear his voice ever again..he shut off his phone and ignored everyone while my sister and my therapist talked me out of the bathroom. I said you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don’t touch me ….I’m good…for the first time in nearly 18 years…I AM good…not great but finally, finally, finally I am GOOD

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Lisa Swansiger says June 5, 2018

I’m having a hard time letting my Narc go because we have an infant child together. He doesn’t love me and probably never will. I have known him for two decades, and during that time, we have always lived separate lives but would come together every so often because of our so called history and love for each other. When i was pregnant with my child, he wasn’t very supportive, but grew to accept the baby. Our child is 9 months old and he has seen him only 3 times. He makes NO effort whatsoever. when i tell him how i feel he should step up, he flies into a rage and berates me. When i tell him i’m going to file for sole custody and get him for child support for our baby, he always says I’m threatening him and flies into a bitter blind rage. I got tired of this and told him to give up his parental rights so my new partner can adopt my child. he happily said yes, he will sign, send him the paperwork and that was it. I sent the paperwork and he said he’ll sign it. This was today. he is being cold and distant and i am drawing the line with him doing this to our child that he cares nothing about. In the past he would always try to “win me back over” by being nice, because he was afraid I would take his son away but now he doesn’t care. I’m tired of the back and forth, tired of his verbal abuse, and i’m tired of him. How can i just move on and forget all about him and move on with my life? he doesn’t care about our child together so am i wrong if i just go full on no contact and block him out of my life? what do i do???

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    Kim Saeed says June 6, 2018

    Hi Lisa,

    I am sorry to learn of your situation. For the sake of brevity, here’s what I can say, based on my interpretation:

    He will never be the caring father you want him to be, so it’s best to let go of that fantasy. Get sole custody of your child. Depending on your financial situation, you may or may not want to apply for child support. (I’ve chosen not to in my own case because it equals more freedom).

    You can go no contact, but don’t do it as a form of punishment thinking he’ll finally see the light, because that will never happen and he will never treat you the way you want to be treated. That’s another fantasy you’ll want to let go of. If you go no contact, you need to do it so that you can get on with your life. Plus, the new guy in your life should be your priority now since it seems he is willing to step up. He deserves your attention and devotion now if he is willing to adopt your child. That means a lot.

    You may want to consider enrollment in my online program, which will help you navigate your first weeks of No Contact and help you through the struggles associated with that: The Essential Break Free Bootcamp

    My advice is get rid of the narcissist, go no contact, and make a new life with your new partner and your child. Let go of the fantasy that the narcissist will finally be better. He won’t.

    Kim

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Michelle says May 22, 2018

I have been in a relationship for 10 yrs and thank god he sent me to this cuz i have so many health problems now and cant work. Im stuck. No intimacy for 5 yrs. Hes an old narcissist and pro at it. I actually called him that and he didnt scream. I think he knew i finally figured it out. He has been cruel for years. But at least i moved in a different room. Ty again for all this info. Im greatful

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Kelly says May 18, 2018

By far, this is THE BEST article I’ve read about narcissistic abuse! After years away from mine, I now understand the cycle, but unless you’ve lived it, no one else understands or thinks it’s even possible. Thank you for writing something so comprehensive!

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    Half Way Out says August 23, 2018

    Totally agree with “the best article written”, I find it such a lonely place and trying to get anyone to understand is impossible. Half way through a very long divorce and dreaming of “my next life”, one day.

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Whitney says May 17, 2018

I so needed to feel validated! And this certainly did just that! I have been losing myself lately trying to understand. I now know I’m not crazy.

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Jamie says May 14, 2018

Oh my….everything written is my story. Struggling to gain some understanding, find my voice & strength and find my way. I feel like there should be a photo of me in the descriptions & stories.

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    Alice says May 15, 2018

    My picture should be here too. For 22 years, I didn’t know what or who I would wake up to. I’ve been divorced for 3 years. Yes, it’s hard, but it’s easier than living with a stranger. You are stronger than you think. You can do it.

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Judy says May 12, 2018

This is so spot on true! I feel like someone finally understands.

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Debra says May 12, 2018

It took me many years to see this; thank God I finally did! Now divorced from him, I am beginning my journey of healing. X

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Anonymous says May 10, 2018

That described my marriage of 20 years perfectly Kim! I’m so glad I found you 2 years ago just after my separation began. The truth has been painful but so necessary. I was always asking myself, and asking him “How can you love me and treat me this way at the same time?”. I hung on for so long thinking he just didn’t know HOW to express his love.
Sometimes I feel utterly stupid for staying as long as I did. It wasn’t because of the children I stayed, but rather because I thought he would have an epiphany one day realizing how good I was to him. But it was my constant forgiveness that he exploited. My divorce was finally sealed last week and I’m free from his lies, manipulation, betrayals, and emotional rape.

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Sandy says May 10, 2018

Spot on, Kim! I remember telling him “I know you don’t understand how much you’re hurting me, or you wouldn’t keep doing it” and he would give me the most vacant, silent stare back. No sign of comprehension or concern, whatsoever. I wish I had ended it then, rather than try so hard all those years to fix him and then out-smart him at his own game, which ends up with feeling terrible inside for stooping to his same cruel tricks. I learned so much here. I remember feeling utterly crushed, like I couldn’t survive. But I DID survive. It’s been almost four years, and I’m no longer under his spell. I thank God for leading me to this website, Kim. And thank you, Kim, for the huge impact you have on people’s lives through your efforts to educate us about toxic relationships.

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    Laurie says May 31, 2018

    The ‘vacant, silent stare’ – oh reading this gave me chills remembering his face after I desperately explained how I was feeling or trying to untwist his rewritten account of reality, pleading for honesty or fidelity, and nothing but a blank stare void of accountability or humanity! Thank God I’m free.

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L says May 10, 2018

Very good! Grew up with a narcissistic mother and currently have a narcissistic brother in law and sister in law. The sister in law has reared her ugly head at the moment. It’s amazing how they will come after you and turn the screws behind your back. I am so done with dealing with narcissists. No more contact.

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MONIKA Burczyk says May 10, 2018

great article, as always.
m

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Suzi from sunny Arizona says May 10, 2018

Thanks for today’s article. It reminds us to keep our guard up and why “no contact” is so important!

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M says May 10, 2018

I am so grateful that I found you when I was trying to understand what happened when I was unceremoniously discarded by my husband of 17 years. That discard turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me when I learned about Narcissism. Now I understand the patterns of behaviour I kept wondering and even questioning about. I learned too about myself and the impact of Narcissism in my life. I am now on the road to recovery, painful but liberating. Your articles help me to have that strength to move on.
All the best. Great job you are doing.

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2018

    It truly warms my heart to know I’ve helped you along your journey, dear ‘M’. I hope you find the healing and joy you deserve.

    Kim XoXo

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Nomore says May 9, 2018

It’s like reading my life with him….example after example pops into my head and all the pieces come together. Thank you.

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    Kim Saeed says May 10, 2018

    I’m so glad to know you feel validated, NoMore. Wishing you all the best.

    Hugs,

    Kim XoXo

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