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Kim Saeed:  Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program
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Easter and Narcissists

Easter – The Narcissist’s Spring Wrecking Ball

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Oil and water. Toothpaste and orange juice. Easter and narcissists. Some things just do not go together. 

If you are of the Christian or Jewish faith or simply enjoy Easter or Passover tradition, it is a day of celebration, remembrance, and gratitude.  Many people will go to Church and spend the day with their families, perhaps enjoying a delightful Easter feast with their loved ones.

However, for those still trapped in the twisted games of an emotional predator, Easter (or any holiday) will be a time of sorrow, grief, and misery.  

Even if the holiday passes with seemingly little conflict, it is looming around the corner like a dark cloud forewarning a hurricane that will sweep in, causing carnage in its wake.  

Easter and Narcissists

Don’t be caught off guard.  Know that the holiday may present you with the following possibilities and manifestations of the Narcissist’s Easter Wrecking Ball.  

1 – If you haven’t implemented No Contact properly, the narcissist will use Easter as an opportunity to Hoover

He or she will take advantage of your festive mood by “checking in”, wishing you a Happy Easter, saying they miss you (or maybe the kids), and perhaps even try to drop by with a gift of some sort. 

They will appear as innocent as a lamb, with the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen.  Instantly, you’ll forget about all the abuse and believe there’s a chance for an improved future with them.  Everything you’ve learned about narcissism up to this point will be forgotten like those French lessons you took in college.

While it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, remember, you’re implementing No Contact for a reason.  Remember Easters past?  How they successfully destroyed each one?  The only time they are on good behavior during a holiday or any special occasion is when they are baiting you.  They know you are feeling compassionate and forgiving, especially if you’ve planned for Church.

God or whichever Higher Power you might believe in doesn’t want us to submit to mistreatment.  If you are struggling with what God wants from you in the midst of an abusive relationship, you might find that what you believe about forgiveness could very well be misguided. As a point of reference, Leslie Vernick explains the best way to handle an abusive spouse:

“When a wife or husband refuses to submit to their spouse’s sinful behavior, or stands up for their children who are being mistreated, or refuses to sign a dishonest income tax report, or calls 911 when their spouse is threatening to harm her or himself, they are doing good even if it doesn’t feel good to their spouse.

These steps protect the children, as well as acts in the best interest of their spouse.  (It is never in someone’s best interests to enable abuse and mistreatment to flourish.).”

I’m not trying to push a religious agenda here, but if you follow the Christian faith, the above-referenced quote may offer some relief.

2 – If you are still in the relationship, prepare yourself

Even if you entertain the possibility that things might end well, after all, the holiday isn’t over yet.  There will be an action that will catch you off guard.  It might happen as you’re leaving Church, after your Easter feast, or even sometime this evening.  The only exception is if you’ve expressed the desire to leave the relationship.  Then they may be on their best behavior, but it won’t last.

The narcissist not only wants to catch you off guard in order to keep you under their control, they especially dislike religious holidays because they think they should be the one revered.  They don’t want people to be happy if they aren’t the cause of it.

Regardless of outward appearances, the narcissist is never happy.  They want to bring people down to their emotional level, which includes self-loathing, rage, and a general dissatisfaction with life.  If you are to feel any type of happiness, it will have to be at their hand, so they will often bring you to a low point on a holiday, then attempt to bring you back up (i.e., a discard and subsequent hoover). 

Only then are you allowed to be happy because then they are the cause of it.  However, just as often, they will simply leave you feeling hopeless for the rest of the day.

Be Your Own Best Friend and Give Yourself the Gift of Freedom

Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Whether you are struggling with maintaining No Contact today -or still inside the relationship -do yourself a favor.  Think of one thing you can do to improve your life.  Following are some suggestions:

Implement or Maintain Emotional Protection

If you haven’t yet blocked them, go into your cell phone and do so.  Not only will you feel a sense of empowerment, but you will also be able to enjoy the Easter holiday without fear of their ruining it. 

Don’t worry about how the narcissist will react.  This is your time for celebration.  Whether you are with family or alone, observe the tradition of Easter and the hope for renewal. 

Yes, your life can be different.  All it takes is a one-second decision and the act of blocking them.  It’s so simple, yet sometimes the hardest thing to do.  Don’t be fooled by false memories of happiness with the narcissist.  It’s your mind playing tricks on you because you’re addicted and you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. 

Each time you recall a false memory of happiness with the narcissist, retrain your brain by remembering why the relationship is unhealthy for you.

If they come knocking at your door, this is their attempt to disrespect a boundary, though they want it to appear as if they “just want to see you”.  Don’t be deceived.  Simply ignore them.  If you have children, take them into a room where you can’t hear the knocks at the door and play a silly game or sing a song, etc. to take your mind off the door.  (Although, you’ll need to follow the requirements of any custody order you may have in place).

If the narcissist won’t go away, you’ll want to inform them that if they don’t leave, you will be forced to call the authorities.  It might seem harsh, but isn’t it harsh that they won’t respect your desire to be away from them and pretend as if they haven’t hurt you?

If you’re still in the relationship…

Whether you are married with children or married without, engaged, or otherwise in a relationship with an abusive narcissist, think of one thing you can do to start your path to freedom.  Simply be prepared for their games and plant a seed.  Do you have the money for a deposit on a new apartment?  Can you visit your local Domestic Violence center and ask about a court advocate?  What about contacting a lawyer for a free consultation?  Just plant the seed…and bypass the Narcissist’s Spring Wrecking Ball

For extra support, take advantage of our Spring savings on our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.  Start when you’re ready and have lifetime access.  This course has been vetted by numerous psychologists and neuroscientists, so you can rest assured in its effectiveness!  Includes a 30-day guarantee, so there’s nothing to lose.  Enroll today at $30 off!  Click the image and scroll down to see your savings.  We’re keeping a spot warm for you…


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25 comments
Margaret says April 26, 2019

My narc gave me men’s cologne for Christmas while whole family opened lots of gifts. My birthday I got no card or cake & a drive to Penney’s to pick out a gift
Easter I got roses & he said he was my ticket out of poverty in front of our daughter. Yes. He tries to ruin my holidays, But for my Jesus he can’t.

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Diana says April 21, 2019

April 21, 2019

Thank you, Kim, for your tireless work on all of our behalf. You are seriously a saint and an angel.

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Natasza says April 21, 2019

Your help means so much to me. I am currently in transition and I experience the hoovering tactics it’s so hard but I feel I will get through this with your help. I am so much stronger since I am aware of the mechanisms.

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    Kim Saeed says April 21, 2019

    Thank you so much for letting me know that, Natasza! It means a lot.

    Kim XoXo

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Jean M Milhous says April 20, 2019

Before I found this blog I called “hoover” behavior “yo-yo” in my mind. Once I got to the end of the string he had to yank me back before I got too far out of his “orbit.” I’m glad that this is a known phenomena rather than a figment of my imagination!

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    Kim Saeed says April 21, 2019

    It definitely feels like a yo-yo! Great analogy 🙂

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John says April 20, 2019

Thank you Kim for what you are doing in my life. This has been the roughest 6 months of my life – I continue to struggle but with your encouragement I thank you

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    Kim Saeed says April 21, 2019

    I am so happy to be of service, John. Thank you for letting me know my work is helping you.

    Kim

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Jim Mac cutcheon says April 20, 2019

Thank you Kim I’m trying to get back in it. I can’t let go. I have left 2 times but can’t get it through my mind how bad it is for me. I am doing the perusing.

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    Kim Saeed says May 2, 2019

    Sounds to me like you could be trauma-bonded. It may be necessary for you to lose everything meaningful in your life before choosing yourself over the person who is toxic for you. Leaving these relationships is truly a matter of survival.

    Kim

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Anonymous says April 20, 2019

God comes in mysterious forms. It never occurred to me that Kim S. could be such a God send! Xox

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    Kim Saeed says April 21, 2019

    Wow, thank you. That is very touching. I am just here to be of service. Glad to know my work is helping you…so glad.

    Kim XoXo

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Justine Dale says April 20, 2018

This is put so clearly and wisely and accurately. Thank you so much. I am a Christian and this is so spot on! I was married to a narcissistic pastor for a longtime.

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    Kristen says April 21, 2019

    There’s a video on YouTube called “90% of pastors are narcissistic”…he quotes two studies that have been done and then discusses his own experiences. It’s worth a watch! I actually contacted the author of the study and he was very nice (I had some of my own questions) anyway glad you are free from that!

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Anonymous says April 5, 2018

Thank you Kim for being you. Thank you for helping so many in so many ways. Peace be with you and your Beloveds. ❤️❤️🌈🌈

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    Kim Saeed says April 20, 2018

    Thank you, Anon. That’s very sweet and kind of you 🙂

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
Karen says April 1, 2018

THank you KIM for the article. I have been divorced from my narcissistic husband since October 2017. I was married for 10 months and read run don’t walk if you are in a narcissistic relationship. That’s exactky what I did . But you are so right on as a few weeks ago it was my birthday and he sent me a ecard at work email as I have him blocked on my cell/text.. so to read your article he is just baiting me . I needed that reality check again. I enjoy and continue to read your articles to make sure I don’t fall back into that toxic relationship. You have helped me get to where I am today’. I am Thankful.

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Roland Leupold says March 31, 2018

Shirley I can wholeheartedly relate. My narcissistic X is pulling out all the stops to win me back offering to go to church saying she loves me it’s just awful Now Easter Sunday big possibility she will be at the Easter dinner I’m dreading it but I must go to show the strength that I have. I’ve had 25 years history with this lady with two boys age 21 and 17 almost impossible to have no contact but I do try and try I feel like a lost soul. God bless you and I hope you have a fantastic awesome Easter.

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Alaira says March 31, 2018

It is interesting how this person goes ballistic over something so minuscule … and is it interesting how we continually have unresolved problems with them? I believe it is an imbalance of blood flow to the brain, an imbalance of polarity, and an imbalance of chemistry in their system. There is no allowing themselves the adventure and vulnerability of great relationships. When my power remains in a place of ‘heart’, I remain non-reactive to the disorder, in a place of acceptance of their free will.

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Margaret Ellison says March 31, 2018

Thank you for sharing all you share with me. I am alone from August, 2017 after walking away from an emotional and financial and verbal abusive relationship with a narcissist adulterous liar who was married and ran away from his wife and children to my country, used me to set up his business venture and used my finances and drained me to this point of unemployment promising me a future in his business. None of the promises were kept instead continued subtle abuse and promiscuity continued without fail. I now am recovering albeit slowly and I am beginning to heal although I find from time to time hating him with such passion as I once loved him. I am living on hope and prayers and help of good family members who can assist me financially till I start working again. It’s been a total waste of 2015, 2016 and 2017 years in my life. I regret meeting this Lizard 🦎 immoral worm.

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Mia says March 31, 2018

Thank you so much for these emails. I love receiving them in my inbox. Your words are always so helpful for me During this difficult time of my life. Thanks so much again! You help and make a difference! Thankful for you.

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Pamela Trickett says March 31, 2018

I thought that my mom was genuine. She lives to bring me down. I finally called her out on her dysfunction with the family, and she didn’t want to hear it. I was mad. I got fed up. The jezebel spirit is dominating her life. She shows all the symptoms of a narcissist. I asked her to go to therapy, but she doesn’t want to go. She wants to pop her pills, drink her alcohol, and disregard all the happiness that she could have. I’m trying to go straight and stay sober. I’m going through my own recovery and therapy, and she tries to pry into my life, but it’s not a genuine relationship. I’m saddened by this deeply. We had a big fight yesterday as she was late picking me up from an appointment. She is living with an alcoholic monster, who believes I owe him an apology, when I don’t think that I should apologize for his abusive nature. And it’s a mess. A huge mess. It’s driving me insane. Really! I need help. I need support. I need love. I’m scared and feel so very alone. It’s like I lost all hope. I don’t believe her anymore.

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Shirley Akpelu says March 31, 2018

Thank you Kim for this timely article. You are 100% correct. The narc will try to use Passover to get you to forgive and forget and allow the abuse to continue. I said yes, I forgive you two Passovers ago, but we are done. I have a clean conscience to partake of the Passover meal and Feast of Unleavened Bread which focuses on forgiveness and new beginnings. I am ready for my new beginning, new opportunities, new day, so on and so forth. It has been difficult and tears fell but I know it is the right thing and right time to do so. I have control only of myself to change not anyone else. I wasted 27 years waiting for change from evil narc but I now realize I have to change and stop the madness!

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Anonymous says March 31, 2018

What do you suggest when you feel like not only are you dealing with a narcissist husband but some of your children are now displaying signs of narcissist behaviour. This is extremely difficult to deal with as you don’t want to walk out on your own children.
It seems that somewhere in the past of a narcissist they have been emotionally hurt and wounded. How do you help them heal? You especially want to help your children not to be saddled with being a narcissist their entire life.

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Sara says March 31, 2018

Thank you so much for all your help. I subscribed to recieveing your emails regularly and they have helped me out along the way sooooo much.

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