Oil and water. Toothpaste and orange juice. Easter and narcissists. Some things just do not go together.
If you are of the Christian or Jewish faith or simply enjoy Easter or Passover tradition, it is a day of celebration, remembrance, and gratitude. Many people will go to Church and spend the day with their families, perhaps enjoying a delightful Easter feast with their loved ones.
However, for those still trapped in the twisted games of an emotional predator, Easter (or any holiday) will be a time of sorrow, grief, and misery.
Even if the holiday passes with seemingly little conflict, it is looming around the corner like a dark cloud forewarning a hurricane that will sweep in, causing carnage in its wake.
Easter and Narcissists
Don’t be caught off guard. Know that the holiday may present you with the following possibilities and manifestations of the Narcissist’s Easter Wrecking Ball.
1 – If you haven’t implemented No Contact properly, the narcissist will use Easter as an opportunity to Hoover
He or she will take advantage of your festive mood by “checking in”, wishing you a Happy Easter, saying they miss you (or maybe the kids), and perhaps even try to drop by with a gift of some sort.
They will appear as innocent as a lamb, with the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. Instantly, you’ll forget about all the abuse and believe there’s a chance for an improved future with them. Everything you’ve learned about narcissism up to this point will be forgotten like those French lessons you took in college.
While it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, remember, you’re implementing No Contact for a reason. Remember Easters past? How they successfully destroyed each one? The only time they are on good behavior during a holiday or any special occasion is when they are baiting you. They know you are feeling compassionate and forgiving, especially if you’ve planned for Church.
God or whichever Higher Power you might believe in doesn’t want us to submit to mistreatment. If you are struggling with what God wants from you in the midst of an abusive relationship, you might find that what you believe about forgiveness could very well be misguided. As a point of reference, Leslie Vernick explains the best way to handle an abusive spouse:
“When a wife or husband refuses to submit to their spouse’s sinful behavior, or stands up for their children who are being mistreated, or refuses to sign a dishonest income tax report, or calls 911 when their spouse is threatening to harm her or himself, they are doing good even if it doesn’t feel good to their spouse.
These steps protect the children, as well as acts in the best interest of their spouse. (It is never in someone’s best interests to enable abuse and mistreatment to flourish.).”
I’m not trying to push a religious agenda here, but if you follow the Christian faith, the above-referenced quote may offer some relief.
2 – If you are still in the relationship, prepare yourself
Even if you entertain the possibility that things might end well after all, the holiday isn’t over yet. There will be an action that will catch you off guard. It might happen as you’re leaving Church, after your Easter feast, or even sometime this evening. The only exception is if you’ve expressed the desire to leave the relationship. Then they may be on their best behavior, but it won’t last.
The narcissist not only wants to catch you off guard in order to keep you under their control, they especially dislike religious holidays because they think they should be the one revered. They don’t want people to be happy if they aren’t the cause of it.
Regardless of outward appearances, the narcissist is never happy. They want to bring people down to their emotional level, which includes self-loathing, rage, and a general dissatisfaction with life. If you are to feel any type of happiness, it will have to be at their hand, so they will often bring you to a low point on a holiday, then attempt to bring you back up (i.e., a discard and subsequent hoover).
Only then are you allowed to be happy because then they are the cause of it. However, just as often, they will simply leave you feeling hopeless for the rest of the day.
Be Your Own Best Friend and Give Yourself the Gift of Freedom
Whether you are struggling with maintaining No Contact today -or still inside the relationship -do yourself a favor. Think of one thing you can do to improve your life. Following are some suggestions:
Implement or Maintain Emotional Protection
If you haven’t yet blocked them, go into your cell phone and do so. Not only will you feel a sense of empowerment, but you will also be able to enjoy the Easter holiday without fear of their ruining it.
Don’t worry about how the narcissist will react. This is your time for celebration. Whether you are with family or alone, observe the tradition of Easter and the hope for renewal.
Yes, your life can be different. All it takes is a one-second decision and the act of blocking them. It’s so simple, yet sometimes the hardest thing to do. Don’t be fooled by false memories of happiness with the narcissist. It’s your mind playing tricks on you because you’re addicted and you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance.
Each time you recall a false memory of happiness with the narcissist, retrain your brain by remembering why the relationship is unhealthy for you.
If they come knocking at your door, this is their attempt to disrespect a boundary, though they want it to appear as if they “just want to see you”. Don’t be deceived. Simply ignore them. If you have children, take them into a room where you can’t hear the knocks at the door and play a silly game or sing a song, etc. to take your mind off the door. (Although, you’ll need to follow the requirements of any custody order you may have in place).
If the narcissist won’t go away, you’ll want to inform them that if they don’t leave, you will be forced to call the authorities. It might seem harsh, but isn’t it harsh that they won’t respect your desire to be away from them and pretend as if they haven’t hurt you?
If you’re still in the relationship…
Whether you are married with children or married without, engaged, or otherwise in a relationship with an abusive narcissist, think of one thing you can do to start your path to freedom. Simply be prepared for their games and plant a seed. Do you have the money for a deposit on a new apartment? Can you visit your local Domestic Violence center and ask about a court advocate? What about contacting a lawyer for a free consultation? Just plant the seed…and bypass the Narcissist’s Spring Wrecking Ball.
For extra support, consider our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Start when you’re ready and have lifetime access. This course has been vetted by numerous psychologists and neuroscientists, so you can rest assured of its effectiveness! Includes a 30-day guarantee, so there’s nothing to lose. We’re keeping a spot warm for you…