20 Things I “Should” Have Said to Narcissists in My Life…But Didn’t

Love #5!!! The narc I dated was a lazy narc, not even a good one. I figuredhime out in less than a week, but by then the damage was done. Cognitive Dissonance was implemented, Love-Bombing, Boundary crossing, etc…. first, he played upon my grief of me losing my late husband 3 years ago and I had a trauma response to a medical assistant about being late for my appointment (first she said it was okay, then proceeded to scold me and shame me.) and I started cry after she left. Thank God, I believed in myself, God and the power of stupid people. NO CONTACT is the best revenge, even though I love #5. (I’m crazy, but not that crazy.)

I have been married for 30 years to a man that I have in the last 5 years or so realized is a narcissist. Unfortunately for me I also have ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and anger management issues that were diagnosed when I was very young. I am fully aware of and do attempt to control MY issues. It has taken until the last year for me to recognize that although I and a select few others know he has issues he will never admit to them. In the past six months I have begun reading up on narcissism and although I am not clinically trained have come to realize what his real problem is. I have explained all this to you so you could understand me and why I have done what I have done. I realize that you wrote these come-backs in humor and expect no one to actually say them… I have! To his face! Repeatedly! The only part I left out was the “I’m leaving” statement. Trust me, you’re right. It does not change them or their behavior. It however does make one feel better and, on the very rare occasions when he wasn’t prepared for it, the look on his face has been PRICELESS!!! I do not at this time know what my future holds but thank you for helping me realize that I am not “just being a bitch” and I’m not the only one out there having these thoughts about their significant other

I told mine, “I’m sorry I wasted 42 yrs of my life with you.” It was true and correct. Did it hurt him, doubt it. It did take him back a bit. Should have said it yrs earlier.

Kim, what does a person do when I’ve been with this man for 32yrs. & he is now in very bad health? His behaviors have gotten even worse & more dangerous. I thought for the last 10 yrs. it was better to stay for the kids, but I now see that was a terrible mistake. But, I believed the lies during the first 20 yrs., I honestly thought he was telling me the truth and others were lying to me. But for the last 10 yrs. things have become painfully clear and now I’m to my breaking point and 50 yrs. old & feel like I ‘ve wasted my life with someone who never really loved me at all, but he is in bad health and I feel like I’d be a terrible person & Christian if I leave now. Although I have already had to leave and go to the sheriff’s dept during a terrible incident where he was threatening to kill me and our oldest child who is an adult but has had to have major surgery and is in no condition for this. On my way back to check on my child he tried to hit me head on to stop me and told me if I tried to call the sheriff’s department back I’d be dead before they got here. I have never been so scared in all my life of this person I once loved with all my heart and soul. My delimma is what to do with the situation and his current health. Ironically, I think it was his stroke and health situation that made him not so good at covering his tracks anymore and exposed the truth to me, but it sure didn’t change him for the better. You can respond to my email privately if necessary.

Love You as Always ???

I actually have said many of those things to the narc. It was better than therapy. And every time I think about it I can’t stop smiling.
I said these before going no contact. I let them know I knew what they were and it was done.

Explaining my story has seemed crazy. Part of my healing will be to educate others. I have been a victim of abuse before and yes I should have known better has been said to me. It’s my own fault ect. This bloke even convinced me to stop taking my medication for anxiety and try a natural form instead. Marijuana. He seeks his pray and said I was a nobody. Wrong! I have a voice who will speak out for those who feel they can’t. He is still trying to control me because he has realised. He is sick and needs real help.

Or simply stated. “You are a such a huge disappointment
To me”. And with that I was gone. 37 years. Done.

It’s a waste of time to tell them any of these things. Just cut them off and never look back.

This was a great article! Yes, we wish we would be able to say these things! For the past year, I’ve been doing enough research to know what not to say. And most importantly, how to recognize them, “test” that they are, in fact, toxic towards me and thus, eliminate them (no contact) from my life. Or recognize when I come upon one and not allowing them to attach themselves to me.
I’ve been practicing self-care, consciously building my confidence back up and decreasing my co-dependency and people-pleasing personality that I adopted after I lost my husband. It was my depression and desire to find my path without him that turned me into one, falling back on how I was made into a people-pleaser in my childhood.(My husband was wonderful and I gained a tremendous amount of confidence, skills and independence with him for 30 years).
I would love to tell my on-going story somewhere, in order to share how I was raised by a Narc, how my two sister’s and brother became Narc’s (one is a sociopath). How, in becoming a widow eight years ago drew the narcs and sociopaths from my husband’s family towards me (two are sociopathic narcissists). How my neighbor started harrassing me, preying on me, exposing himself to me and destroying my property after my husband died (and he still does weird things all the time…usually ramping it up around October every year, which is when I lost my husband). Why I started to research the changed behavior of his family towards me, trying to figure out why they would ALL be this way towards me (starting off fantastic, then several years later being made to feel left out, alone, unwanted and excluded, only to find that it meant I was the scapegoat of his disfunctional family). I really want to tell about the subtle words, behaviors and signs that in looking back, were actually red flags.How they do things premeditated and thought out for the worst impact on you, playing your emotions, changing you from a happy confident person into a depressed, anxiety filled shell (which is actually what they are).
This past Thanksgiving, I realized that they are my dead husband’s family. They have no power over me. And I was a free bird on the wind! No one could dictate what I could do in life! Normal family loves and supports your happiness. They don’t suck it out of you in jealousy. Why would I want to be around people like that or around people that believe the smear campaign or people who enable the rotten treatment of me? So I let the “good” family members know that I wasn’t going to be celebrating the holidays in a party atmosphere. We have been getting together one-on-one instead.
And since I didn’t go to the Horrible Family Christmas party this year, one of the narc sociopaths got so pissed I wasn’t there (so he could do the discard, once again, this year) and that I changed the locks on my house without his permission (he is my nephew of all people) that he started texting me these weird little texts starting at 1:30 this morning. I changed the locks because he, and several other family members, have a key, I had tested him in October to make sure he was a Narc Socio and sure enough, he passed with flying colors, huffing off in a narcissistic rage. He was now a great danger to me.
I am so relieved, as of this morning, to have “broken up” with him…my nephew, as well as other Narcs in my family, finally doing the No Contact completely. I now have, on my phone, the pathological weirdness in writing that I could easily show the “good” people in my family, if I so chose.
My story is long. Longer than this narrative. And I have survived everything from being beaten and locked in a closet by an old boyfriend, lewd and threatening behavior by my neighbor, smear campaign, the weird-to-watch word salad/gas lighting and the narcissistic rage/discard. I would love to tell people how I gained strength and knowledge, and not only survived an actual infestation of Narc’s, but have taken my life back from them. I’m still going through daily voice mail messages and texts from the narcs, even today, trying to get me back as their supply. But I know one thing: I don’t have to respond. They are not important to me, they have no say in what I do, zero power over me and they don’t have feelings to hurt if I don’t call them back! I simply ignore them.
If you know of any places where I can or should write my story, so that I can help pass the word and empower people, I would love to help. Even if it’s one type of “situation” at a time…each way I survived each Narc in my life. It’s that or I may write a book. I’ve been documenting all of my experiences in a self-diary. Something I highly recommend people do…kinda like this article! No one will ever see it but yourself, but it’s very cathartic writing it all down. If anything, it helps with the cognitive dissonance. Thank you.