How to Make Love Stay

How to Make Love Stay

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~ by Ven Baxter
Have you been wondering how to make love stay? 

Love thrives in the absence of fear. Most boy-girl relationships in childhood and young adulthood are riddled with fear. You wonder if they like someone else more than you, or what they’re doing when you’re not there, or what you’ll ever do if they break up with you.  The more fear you have, the less love you have. The more love you have, the less fear.

Of course, we cannot factor narcissistic relationships into this scenario.

Fear is often realized in our relationships as pressure. You pressure your partner to act in a certain way, or you feel like you’re being pressured to behave like your partner wants. This is a poor basis for a relationship, and you have to get past pressuring and feeling pressure if you want a really good relationship.

Pressure is fear: one partner is afraid that the other partner’s behavior will result in the end of the relationship somehow, so the partner requests or demands a certain behavior. Any attempt to control the actions of another person is based on fear.

Another form of pressure in a relationship, besides outright attempts to control behavior, is expectation. One partner has a certain preconceived idea about how the relationship “should” be (usually based on observing some other relationship(s) in real life or on TV or in movies). When their own relationship doesn’t fit the prescribed model, they become afraid that something is wrong.

To have a healthy relationship, don’t try to force it into a mold that you wrongly think is right. Let it develop as it will, and learn from watching it happen. Allow your partner space to enjoy the relationship.  Remember, they are not responsible for filling a void in your heart and to expect that from them is unfair.  They have their own hopes and dreams for the relationship.  Helping you survive your traumas is probably not one of them, no matter how kind and caring they are.  That’s not to say they shouldn’t be there for you as your relationship evolves, but the beginning of any relationship is a tender phase. 

Expecting a new partner to constantly ground your emotions may result in their pulling away.  This is also a sign that you should be doing more healing work instead of dating.

Maybe it won’t last. You don’t know. You don’t control that. But the freedom you give to your partner by not trying to pressure or expect unreasonable outcomes will come back to you in the form of a great relationship—if you’re with the “right” person (if there is such a thing).

If your partner leaves despite the lack of pressure or takes advantage of the freedom by being unfaithful (which is standard behavior for narcissists), the next one will probably be better. Life rewards you when you do well by removing the negative and replacing it with the positive. Don’t be afraid of letting your partner be him- or herself. Enjoy that person. If they’re “right” for you, they’ll stay – and treat you respectfully.  If not, you just dodged a bullet.

Did you know that self-love repels narcissists like an invisible shield?  

When you have healthy self-love, you free yourself from whatever is blocking you from receiving genuine, non-toxic love.  You start manifesting your heart’s desires and opening to your brightest future.  

Self-acceptance is the most genuine, lasting, self & life makeover.  It dissolves negative self-concepts and stories, transforms problems, heals pain, and opens you to whole new levels of love, joy, freedom, empowerment, and success.  

Some of the biggest blocks to self-love are the BELIEFS  you hold about yourself.  I can tell you that my own life, romantic and otherwise, only transformed after I healed the negative beliefs I held about myself.  Give yourself the gift of self-love and experience how profoundly and beautifully it transforms you and your reality.  It’s the only guaranteed approach to how to make love stay…

Author Bio – Ven Baxter lives in Florida, where he teaches, writes, and enjoys being father to his three children.  You can find this article on his blog, Ven Baxter – Go deep into the nooks and crannies of life and the human experience…

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1 comment
Essjee Rautenbach says February 25, 2018

Amazing article. So so needed is our day and age. Self love is really a big problem in our generation,especially with all the new technology going around . It seems that most of us has not only lost connection to the world or relating to others,we also lost connection with ourselves. And that is a big problem.Thank you for this article.

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