The Narcissist's "Confessions"

This is precisely what makes NC (day 13) so difficult. As I trudge through these painful blockages, where I continue through life as if Hurricane Narc did not just destroy everything good in my life. I’m minding my own business, and wham! I’m hit over the head with flying mental debris. Something he said, did, stole, it just floors me. And I’m right back there. Feeling all those feelings. Sometimes I just walk around in circles talking it all out. Talking to him. “I hate you.” “I wish I could…” But I can’t so I just move through it or for paralyzed through it. Then I write. I write about all the hurt. Pain. Loss. And then like every single time before, I move on! Thankfully in my search I have discovered what it was I could not put my finger on about the closest males in my life. Not all but many. I’ve been attracting narcs since my mother was born! I have had to let go of a really close friend recently. I was actually celebrating NC when he “went off on me”. In the end because I should’ve just fone what he said. He then stormed off, thought better of it and came back. I’d been trying to tell him for the past year that I was in the process of changing my life. Including the people in it. So nice of him to give me one last chance to stop myself from making the biggest mistake of my life by letting him go. Well I asked that he complete the steps he’d finally manage to put in motion and never look back. This sweet, quiet guy, that would never hurt a fly and always has such a kind word for me…he sent text after text to talk me he hates to see me hurt and if I would only listen to him I would be fine. He can barely run his own life. In fact he’s not. He’s living at home. He hand’t grown emotionally in all the years I’ve known him and I finally had to be real with him. It went badly. It was then I was told to call if I needed a good lay but if I needed to talk about my x (not my troubles mind you) I could call his ex.lol I long suspected this is who he is but wow!!! I am so grateful for having been led to the pages I have. I see these red flags and I am no longer willing to sacrifice NOT ONE THING in hopes you are not that. I will RUN!!! No more hoping my kindness will make you kind. Definition of insanity: Staying friends, lovers, roommates, anything with anyone despite behaviours, and believing anything you do will change him/her. No! I am only able to change me. God will take care of the rest. Be blessed.

I’m finally breaking free of my narcissistic sociopath. I was told by him early on in our relationship that he has bipolar and PTSD. That was it. He would “joke” that he had lied to & cheated on every former girlfriend and his ex wife but would never do that to me. I say joke because when I brought it up later on, he denied ever saying this and said if he had, he wasn’t serious. I caught him on dating sites, asking friends to set him up in dates, posting nude photos of himself online, sending other women nude photos of himself, following porn stars on social media, asking his female friends out for dinner and drinks, I even caught him setting up a date for him and another couple to have a threesome. Every single thing he passed off with some lame excuse and took ZERO responsiblity for anything. Told me he never cheated on his wife, had no problems with sex addiction. I come to find out he cheated on his wife with at least 5 women, probably more, and cheated on his mistresses with at least a dozen more women, sextets and sent nude photos to other women throughout his marriage. Also found out he was in inpatient treatment for 3 months for a slew of things, one of them being sex addiction, which he never admitted to me. Nothing is his fault, he takes no responsiblity and still doesn’t see that he really did anything “all that bad”. It makes me sick, but I have to stay strong and know that I did nothing wrong, it’s not that I’m not good enough and I have to accept the fact that he will NEVER acknowledge the depth of the things he’s done and how badly his actions affect others. It’s a scary thought that people like this actually function daily, telling so many lies and wearing so many masks.

This post was helpful in reminding me to not ignore signals/red flags. My narcissist, and boyfriend of 1 year was also a sex addict and I didn’t discover the extent of his illness until we moved in together. While he was never verbally abusive to me, he was certainly good at the silent treatment and disappearing when convenient for him. His actions early on made me feel alone and neglected, but I ignored it or would always be the one to reach out and say I’m sorry. He liked to gossip (another red flag), his phone would go off throughout the night (yep, Red flag) and he would always have an excuse for everthing, but the biggest red flag was the fact that he never claimed responsibility for failures of past relationships. He asked me to be exclusive with him and said he would never cheat, but he actually never stopped cheating. I remained faithful in spite of our struggles because when we were together he was very attentive and caring. We talked about our goals and future together but unfortunately everything was based on lies, none of it was real and that is a year of my life that I cannot regain. I learned through my own investigation that his addiction led him into a very dark and dangerous world of casual sexual encounters, meetings with both men and women (yes I discovered he is gay), and this took place throughout our entire relationship. It’s been 2 1/2 months since I discovered who he really is. I’m healing day by day and have vowed to give myself at least a year before dating again. I believe this experience happened for a reason and has certainly made me stronger. I will never again ignore my own intuition.

My Narc never confessed any of these things these. Yet, he cheated, lied, watched porn and now have 2 children with the OW. But in the beginning he was totally obsessed and protective of me. I thought it was cute until it became extremely jealous and scary. Then when he started cheating he could care less. And ended up leaving me because she was the one that got pregnant first. It’s crazy because I hear people saying how their Narc always apologized, even though they didn’t mean it. My Narc never apologized and maybe that was because I never gave him a reason to. I “forgave” his behavior without him having to ever be for me back. Guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Same result. Glad it’s done and over with.

Exactly! I got – crocodile tears: “I only hurt people I love” – I thought he was talking about his kids because of his “divorce”. And then in the ultimate set up he hurt me … I guess he “loved” me then?? But our definitions of what love is didn’t align!
More than a year on – no contact, thanks to you keeping me on track, Kim – and finally venturing out again. I heard the other day we never dated, he’s now “divorced” and been seeing someone else for “over a year” (this is the one he was seeing when I got the instinct that he was cheating again and it wasn’t his wife this time…) ha! But apparently it’s on the rocks: gee, can’t imagine why… and I’m just a crazy, obsessive ex employee.
The person telling me said he would never change his mind about him because he’s a “good guy”. Funnier still, I hear these things and then he proceeds to call and text for days after trying to ask me to visit him at work. Ha!!! But I’m “crazy”?? No – the only crazy would be opening myself to hear anymore of that.
What’s weird?
It wasn’t until I heard that and got all closure needed that the spell keeping me numb and stuck broke. I’m no longer his next source of supply – I have exited the danger zone! With perfect timing, a tall, dark and handsome man (he’s Italian lol!) came into my life and thanks to all your support, Kim, I’m now seeing him! I like him, my parents like him, my friends like him, and there’s not even a piece of evil narc in him! 🙂 Good childhood, he checks out, no red flags, brutal honesty, no gifts, hates texting, calls but only briefly … phew! He’s just returned to Chicago – Australia to Chicago is quite the distance so we’ll see how it goes. So far I’m happy – big break through for me. It wasn’t til I felt something good for him that I realised how numb I’d been. Loved your post! I’m positive him and his wife ask how I got through it. I did it by keeping my heart open and my face to the sky so I couldn’t see the shadows ? x

Good to know..all their robotic tricks

Does being a narcissist and a porn addict and sex addict just go hand in hand?? My narc watched porn everyday, a few times a day. He claimed he had to because he had a “high drive”.

This is so true, Kim, how the narcissist prepared me for his lying so he could come back and say that he had been honest with me from day one. What kind of honest is “Btw you won’t be able to trust me because I have a hard time being open.”?
I have question, though. I say I have anger issues and I say I have a hard time being told what to do. What’s the difference? How can I tell if the person making confessions is being truthful or laying a trap?

Well I didn’t hear any of this from my narc. But I did give him one of my own. My own mother was an alcoholic. And as I read more of these posts, think she may have been a narcissist as well. If not, she did have some type of personality issue. I, in turn, ended up marrying an alcoholic, and that lasted 10 years. So after dealing with the both of them, I told my narc in the beginning that I wasn’t very good with relationships. I felt I was telling the truth, because after two relationships with alcoholics I felt I had a tendency to be drawn to them and had kinda built up a wall against close relationships. Now I’m sure I set this whole thing up as a sure deal with him just by saying that statement. I was safe. He really worked hard at being the nice guy (aka love bombing) and was basically hell bent on proving that he was my knight in shining armor. Wow. What a dummy I was. Should have kept that wall up. And wouldn’t you know it, this guy turned out to be one of the biggest alcohol consumers I have ever met. He hid it well at first. Then, when his fears started showing up, the controlling started showing up, the eight-million-texts-a-day started showing up, then the alcohol came out of the cabinet and the raging began. I left. Came back. Left. Came back. Blah blah blah. So many mixed signals.
I am now a little over 3 months no contact after he dumped me for a woman that lives about 3 hours away. After I saw that on HER Facebook (not his, interestingly enough) I blocked him, her, and anyone that ever commented on any of his pics. I also blocked his phone number. I am still grieving over this, and for the love of it I can’t figure out why. We didn’t even have sex 2 months before he dumped me. So what in the world is up with me? I have no clue what he is up to and try not to think about it because it isn’t my business what he does. I wish that I could just be done with this thing. I still cry everyday. I don’t want to see him or anything like that, I just wonder why such a hold on me? Thanks for these posts, they are truly a sanity saver.