It’s hard, right?
How do you begin healing from the trauma of narcissistic and emotional abuse? When you first escape this kind of relationship, it feels as if the best you can possibly do is simply keep breathing.
But, then, you get an email from someone you’ve been following and they’re hyping up a free summit with 20 to 50 speakers who will all help you break the cycle of trauma and heal from narcissistic abuse. All for free, and all from the comfort of your couch.
You sign up for the free summit and wait for the day it arrives, all while you struggle to keep your nostrils above water in the meantime. You ignore the emails that say you can grab the entire summit at one low price – because it’s free, right?
Somehow, you make it through the next couple of weeks and you finally get the notification that the first presentation is about to begin. You get your device set up and grab a pen and paper to take notes. This is going to be great!
As the first speaker begins discussing their magical and secret trick for healing from narcissistic abuse, you try desperately to focus as your young children have a wrestling match on the floor in front of you. As if on queue, a convoy of work trucks arrives in your neighborhood (with their caution beepers blaring) and your cat decides it’s a great time to barf up a hairball.
Yet, you make it through. The first presentation is pretty good, and you’re offered a free gift, or a link to a quiz, or some other free resource.
You can barely believe you’re getting all this for free!
But then, you are bombarded with emails, pop-ups, and notifications about getting the entire summit at one low price…and you’d better hurry because the price will double or triple in the next twelve minutes! Given how difficult it was to focus on the first presentation that you waited weeks for, you decide to go ahead and buy the whole thing.
But sadly, instead of coming away from all the material with a clear path to healing, you are confused, tired, and frustrated. Too many different opinions and theories…plus, you already saw most of the stuff on YouTube.
Was it even worth it?
If you’ve been curious about this or simply wonder what gives…then read on because today, I’m pulling back the curtain on these free recovery summits.
My Own Experience of Free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Summits
It’s been a while since I started on the path of helping victims of narcissistic abuse to break free from toxic relationships and heal their lives. During this time, I’ve met lots of professionals in the field. Some of whom have become dear friends and colleagues. As a result, I’m often invited to do things such as speak on someone’s podcast, submit (and accept) guest posts, participate in online summits, etc. I’ve done all of these things…and will continue to do them, with one exception.
I rarely participate in online summits anymore. Here’s why…
I care about you too much.
What do I mean by that? It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? It might seem the more folks to learn from, the better, But, I’ve been on both sides of these online events, so I can give you the scoop from each perspective.
Early on in my own healing journey, I used to get totally revved up about free online summits. I’d countdown to the day and then block off hours to sit and listen as numerous experts spoke on their topic of expertise.
I would sometimes learn something new. Not very often because invariably, several folks would speak on one single topic (frequently, with wildly varying opinions and theories). But when I did learn something new, it was always exhilarating.
What I wasn’t expecting was the marketing tsunamis that came afterward…and often right as I enrolled in the “free” summit (i.e., get the whole thing NOW at this monster discount!)
Not only was I getting emails from the organizers of these summits, but I’d also get emails from the experts whose emails I’d signed up for, not realizing what a snowball I had created for myself. Eventually, I stopped signing up for these events altogether (imagine 30+ plus speakers all trying to sell you their “thing). Instead, I followed only a handful of teachers I’d grown to trust.
Later, as I became more known in my field, I started being invited to these events as a speaker.
The first few times, I thought it was great. I believed I was a part of something big to help people heal and be happy again. But then I began realizing that these summits weren’t always the best thing to offer to my followers, who I care about very deeply.
What did I learn, you ask? Let me share here:
Behind the Scenes of Free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Summits
1 – I’ve had my own followers contact me to say that someone who had been a speaker (in the summit I promoted) had engaged in shady business practices, made a pass at them or in some way further traumatized them, or sent them truly controversial information in a newsletter.
2 – Folks have contacted me saying they didn’t receive all the materials they thought they were purchasing.
3– I learned that “free” online summits are the digital MLMs of network marketing. These functions aren’t really free because the whole point is to make the host as much money as possible in a short period of time.
4 – I’ve received pleading emails from my followers after their inboxes were filled to the brim with emails from the 20, 30, or 40+ folks who spoke at the summits I promoted.
5 – I’ve gotten emails from folks wondering how to get refunds for programs or services they’d signed up for at another person’s site after participating in a summit. Often, they would email me because they couldn’t get a response from the other person.
6 – “Free” online summits are a common part of many business models because they make the host(s) so much money. The folks who participate in them are offered an affiliate link so they can promote the summit, as well. This is not necessarily a bad thing; except how could a speaker possibly know what the other 20+ speakers are going to say in their own presentations? It’s like offering a pharmaceutical that hasn’t been through rigorous testing.
7 – There are, invariably, speakers who try to convince you that there are “little-known” secrets to making things work with a narcissist through things such as helping them process their trauma or assisting them in healing their avoidant attachment style. Or worse, that if you show up as a “Queen”, the narcissist’s dysfunction will melt away as if by magic; that if you can appeal to a narcissist’s “unhealed” parts, you will be able to create a fulfilling relationship. This is nothing more than a myth aimed at your desperate desire to make the narcissist change.
These are just the most common reasons.
The truth is, I frequently know a handful of folks who speak at these summits (some of whom are fantastic teachers!)
But I often don’t know the other 20 or 40+ people. I don’t know what they’re teaching, how they deal with their followers, or even if they’re a true advocate (there are some fairly popular “advocates” out there who are flaming narcissists).
I don’t know if they care about you the same way I do, or if they could be manipulators in disguise. I don’t know if they’re going to try to enroll you in their coaching for thousands of dollars, putting your finances in jeopardy.
I don’t know what they’re doing with your email address or personal information (I’ve seen all of these things happen over the years).
I care about you too much to put you in any of these positions.
I’m not saying these things would necessarily happen to you if you sign up for these summits. You might have a great experience. I’m not saying those who speak at these summits have bad intentions. They may have the absolute best of intentions and simply may not have made the same discoveries that I have.
I’m also not saying I won’t ever participate in a summit again. But if I do, you can rest assured it’s someone I have personally vetted and trust wholeheartedly. Someone I know you’ll be safe with if you decide to follow them, enroll in their program, or receive coaching from them.
I consider you family…and I don’t refer my family to strangers when I have no idea of what will happen.
In addition, I feel these summits often undervalue the work of some of the speakers, a few of whom are pioneers in the field. I’ve sadly witnessed true greats thrown into the mix with other speakers who aren’t very helpful. So that by the time the seasoned expert speaks, the listener has been numbed out and lost interest, thereby missing out on magnificent teachings that might truly help them.
Further, because there are so many varying opinions and theories, folks often end up with a “Frankenstein” version of recovery from trying to piecemeal together different suggestions and “key secrets” from so many speakers, which generally stunts their progress and results in frustration and feelings of failure.
Honestly, if there is a speaker you are intrigued by, there is a strong likelihood that they’ve already covered their topic in a podcast or YouTube video. So, in many cases, there’s no need to wait for the summit.
Conclusion
It’s not wrong for experts to make money in their businesses. Try setting up an appointment with your dentist or physician and asking for it to be free. We don’t expect that…and we shouldn’t expect it from online experts, either.
In a similar vein, attorneys often offer a free consultation, but if you want to go further, you’ll need to hire them for their expertise.
If you’ve been following me, you know I believe that in order to grow and move forward, you should plan on investing in yourself. This may include activities such as working with a coach, enrolling in a program, finding a therapist who specializes in emotional trauma recovery, and other proven modalities.
What I don’t believe in, however, is promoting these “free” events because 1) the whole point is for the organizer to make loads of money, and 2) I don’t believe in promoting the work or theories of people I am unfamiliar with.
I hope this gives you a clear picture of why I don’t participate in (or agree with) most of the online summits. At the end of the day, your emotional safety is what matters most to me, and I try to guard it fiercely.
Regardless of which recovery path you choose, here’s the bottom line:
Your goal is to find a mentor or method that resonates with you and stick with it.
Is it easy?
Heck no. Usually, it’s a lot of work.
But this is how you heal.
- You stop following everyone under the sun and limit yourself to a handful of teachers and healers.
- You engage in healing work on a regular basis. No more ‘try it once and quit it’ shenanigans.
- No more ‘Frankenstein’ approaches to healing from trying to piecemeal everything together from numerous speakers.
- You create healing habits that are so effective that all the nay-sayers want to call their mommy.
It’s really that simple. It’s tried and true. And it will lead you to heal much faster than enrolling in all the free summits that come along.
Get Started On The Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
One of my greatest passions is helping previously victimized people become empowered. If you are ready for this astounding upleveling, the best thing you can do is join the Break Free community.
My best recommendation is to find an online program to keep you on track and to offer support. The Break Free Program has been vetted by therapists and neuropsychologists as an effective step toward getting over narcissistic abuse. Aside from keeping you safe from narcissists, it also empowers you to go out into the world with confidence.
Join Break Free and learn to:
- ✅ Dramatically overpower your addiction to the narcissist so you can stop being their victim
- ✅ Get to a place of acceptance so you can stop doubting yourself over your decision to heal your life
- ✅ Set limits and create stronger boundaries against emotional manipulation that has caused you to act out of character
+ so much more!
Just click the link to join:
I created Break Free for people who sincerely want to take action and begin healing so they can finally stop the crippling pain, heal, and live the lives they deserve.
