Perhaps you have fallen victim to the control and manipulation of a narcissist. You may have become aware of the toxicity in the relationship long ago, but have been too emotionally attached to your abuser to leave the relationship. You could even be free from your narcissist now and are wrangling your way through the healing process.
The narcissist may be anyone who has a tremendous impact on whether you believe in yourself and your abilities. This is most often a parent, intimate partner, sibling, or boss. You have gradually lost yourself as you have succumbed to his or her psychological conditioning. After a while, his gaslighting instilled confusion and anxiety in you to the point where you detached your sense of reality. You have become consumed with self-doubt and are easily controlled.
Learn the Warning Signs of a Narcissist Before Another Strikes
A true narcissist has these traits embedded in their personality and in many cases may be clinically diagnosed with “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” In order to avoid slipping into a long-term pattern of the “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome,” it is important to understand how the mind of such a person works.
- The most notable trait of the narcissist is his pompous sense of self-importance. He clearly doesn’t care about the wants or needs of anyone but himself. He blatantly exaggerates or brags about his achievements and talents, looking for recognition as being superior to other people. His exaggeration is a way to mask his low self-esteem and emotional insecurity.
- He often talks about his terrible childhood and seems consumed with it. He projects his cognitive dissonance onto you or others about that time in his life by seeming agitated and quick to anger. This is his coping mechanism for feeling so conflicted.
- He denies responsibility for having many failed relationships in his life. Nothing is ever his fault.
Likewise, as his victim, you tend to have the opposite personality traits. You are highly empathic and forgive your narcissist repeatedly. You are more thoughtful and caring of others than you are about yourself. It is generally in your nature to be overly cooperative, so people easily take advantage of you. When it comes to your abusive partner, you ignore the proverbial red flags of his unacceptable behaviors. Worse, you overcompensate for his most deviant behaviors, and you must take care not to let it lead you down a path of self-destructive behavior, such as substance abuse or self-mutilation.
Why You Are Filled With Self-Doubt After Narcissistic Abuse
The longer a target suffers through narcissistic abuse, the more they are programmed through psychological conditioning. Once you finally leave your narcissist, you still feel chronically detached from yourself and your life for a time. You can even find yourself missing your abuser, and feeling a lot of self-doubt because of that.
Self-doubt is very common among adults who were raised by narcissistic parents. If this happened to you, then you grew up hearing your parents tell you how pride is a bad thing and how you were never going to amount to anything good. You may now feel incapable of giving yourself credit for your good traits and accomplishments.
Regain Self-Trust And Diminish Self-Doubt After Narcissistic Abuse
- Get into a counseling or recovery program. Many communities offer free counseling in a group setting and sometimes they even offer free one-to-one counseling for victims of domestic abuse.
- Tell yourself positive affirmations daily. Telling yourself what a smart, loving, beautiful, and capable person that you are while looking in the mirror should eventually reprogram your thinking and help you feel good about yourself again.
- Read self-help books about abuse recovery and finding the heart to trust your judgment.
- Go with the flow of the healing process. Don’t rush yourself or be hard on yourself when you feel doubt creeping in.
- Reevaluate your needs in a partner. Make a list of the absolute must-haves and no-ways and don’t settle for anything less. Ask yourself if he/she exhibits those traits.
- Focus on listening to your inner voice and keep it positive. This is a great time to incorporate positive affirmations.
Learning the warning signs of a narcissist is very important. Knowledge is power, so empowering yourself to see the warning signs listed above can encourage you to overcome your fear of falling victim again.
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