In His Words: My Poisonous Relationship – A Story of Betrayal and Death

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 By ~ Anonymous

I lay on the bed.  It was about to happen again.  I had a sick sensation beginning from my torso and upward.  The sensation coursed up and slowly to my head every time – following the hallucinations.

I had lost over twenty pounds in two weeks and the doctors could find nothing wrong.  I would become violently sick at times, only to lie in bed and hallucinate other times.  Still no diagnosis.  The high-priced antibiotics did nothing for my condition.  They suspected food poisoning, but food poisoning does not last for four months.  However, other poisoning can…such as a slow and deliberate poisoning.

As I lay in bed, I could hear my then- wife speaking with someone on the phone.  She sounded angry.  And she should’ve been angry with me for being this sick (this is genuinely what I thought at the time).  She would occasionally peer in the door just to look at me, then close it and resume her argument…with whom I didn’t know.  At the time I suspected it was her mother, though now I recognize it was her boyfriend.  Who – by the way – mysteriously died during our divorce proceedings several years later.  Did he know too much?  We will never know.  It’s strange how this 39 year-old, healthy man died in the middle of our divorce.  (Not to mention, several other men who were involved with her in some way – and all of their pets.)

This was still not my wake up call to an insanely abusive relationship at the hands of the woman I thought loved me.  That would come later.  Much later.

I mysteriously recovered, but still experience tell-tale symptoms to this day.  This is only the tip of the lying iceberg I married.

I will characterize her this way – she was never happy.  She never smiled genuinely.  She was impossible to get close to and never showed one ounce of gratitude, no matter how much I did for her.  One Friday in particular, I had gotten off work early.  I’d mowed and preened the lawn to perfection, cleaned the house (laundry included), made dinner arrangements for the kids (for when they got home from private school), and made dinner arrangements for the two of us.  I bought flowers and wine to be at the ready for when she pulled up from her part-time job as a teacher (really more of a glorified daycare worker as she has no degree).

As I sat in the perfect evening sun, I knew there was nothing she could complain about.  It was all done.  Nice home, thriving businesses, caring husband, great kids… But no, I was wrong.

I finally got the nerve to ask her. “Why can’t you say something nice? Anything? Why can’t you just say something nice to me?”

Her response, “I’m not going to kiss your ass”.

THIS was my wake up call.  I finally realized I had wasted all of my time and was about to be dragged through divorce court.  And any man who’s been with one of these women knows how devastating this can be as they tear apart everything you worked for and divide it between the “wife” and the lawyers.  The men and children lose nearly every single time in that arena.

But this isn’t how a narcissistic spouse views it.  They love it.  They relish in the drama and mess.  It was apparent she loved every minute of it.

To go back a decade and a half, you would not know that this was going to happen.   She at least pretended to love me.  She was my other half.  We did many things together early on, only to have her turn into something entirely different.  Perhaps early on, I had lost my temper and I was not perfect, to be fair.  But I now know how these situations can be provoked, especially if you are a young man.  So I was always trying to “make up” for any misgivings, but I never was able to.  They were held against me every day for years and years.  Never mind any of hers.  Those were off-limits.

I questioned things she had said that did not make sense only to be met with her fits of crying.  I could never get a straight answer.  By this time, we’d had our first child and it was clear that I must stay committed and do my best with this (I realize now) narcissistic personality-disordered person.  And I did.  I gave it my best…every…single…day.  But, it was never enough.  I was only met with sour attitudes, put-downs, and a general sense of dread.  The air was always thick with her contempt for me.

Most days were filled with silent treatments and punishments…for what, I don’t know.  I was always compared to others that were supposedly “better” than me.  She reserved her kindness and manners for anyone that wasn’t me or my friends.  Later, all of my friends (but one) said she used to give them snotty looks when I wasn’t looking.  I guess this was her attempt to isolate me from people who cared about me.  And she was successful to some extent.  On this note, I would like to describe meeting new people that she already knew.  Almost without exception, if I were introduced (which was rare) to someone she already knew, they would be very cool and stand-offish.  I realize now this is what’s referred to as a smear campaign.  I also know it happened the whole time I was with her.  I just couldn’t get it until much later.  I will never know what was said about me, but it is clear it was not good.   I had a reputation that preceded me wherever she’d gone first.  Playing the victim is very powerful.  She had this down to a “t”.

Lies, deception, put-downs, veiled threats, and emotional terrorism.  This is what I lived through and with for nearly twenty years.  I did not know better at the time.  I thought eventually she would be happy.  But, being happy never works for the narcissist.  It doesn’t fit the script.  But a dead husband with a life insurance policy does.  Not only would she benefit financially, but just think of all the sympathy she would get! Oh, that poor woman.  Her husband has died.  Now her bank account is fat and her lover had to take over to help with the estate.  Poor, poor little waif.  And he was so young!

But, I ruined the plan.  I did not die.  I don’t know if she ran out of poison or just gave up.  To this day, I have a briefcase full of evidence that investigators do not want to see.   I pity the poor fellow she is with now.  I would tell him, but he wouldn’t believe me.  Like everyone else the narcissist knows, he has been co-opted into her drama.  Besides, I would merely be a jilted ex-husband who just needs to “get over it”.

Towards the end of the divorce, I had not even a chance to know what I had done wrong.  What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?  She never told me except to say, “I didn’t tell, and now it’s too late!”  Crazy thinking.  She did tell me that she wanted to “drive with the windows down and the radio loud” and that was why she was tearing everything I worked so hard for to shreds.

Maybe in her shallow mind that was reason enough.

Who cares what anyone else wants?   Who cares if they don’t fit the narcissist’s drama? I can tell you, the end began when I started asking for something…anything.  A kind word.  A thank you.  Anything.  I began to “wake up” and started seeing her for the monster she is.  Then I became obsolete in her world.  It was time to take everything she could from me.  That was her cue.  I was on to her.

Very strange, how she treated me at the end.  As if she were mailing an envelope, or making a phone call.  Just business.  No emotion whatsoever, as she went about destroying everything that meant anything to me.

Thank God I finally woke up.

It does get better.  Today I don’t have nearly the panic attacks I once had.  I am virtually “no contact” with her and some of the other people in my life, who I now recognize as personality disordered.  I am thankful that I have the rest of my life to be happy and away from such evil…and make no mistake, narcissists are evil.  They will chew up your soul if you let them.

Today I have no intention of letting anyone do anything like that ever again.  I am sane.  I am clear.  I am whole.

Please share,


How to Get Help

If you believe you’re experiencing narcissistic abuse, you don’t have to tolerate it. Consider whether or not the relationship is doing you more harm than good.

Don’t blame yourself. A person’s choice to be abusive isn’t because of anything you’re doing or not doing. You’re not the cause for their behavior, no matter what they say.

Taking care of yourself is the biggest priority, which may include breaking off the relationship. 

Here are some helpful resources:  

 is a free resource that includes everything you need to get started on healing your life after narcissistic abuse.

The Essential Break Free Bootcamp – Explore techniques derived from behavioral therapy (vetted by the psychological and neuro-psychological communities) to finally heal your life.

The Bottom Line

Everyone has the innate capacity to heal themselves. But, it’s likely you will need external support to heal the traumas that get in the way of your ability to tune into this gift.⠀Helpful tools and resources can assist you in developing effective ways to break free from narcissistic abuse. 

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Leave a Comment:

L says November 2, 2021

It is uncanny how your article aligns with mine. Almost to the exact letter. Thankfully Jesus intercedes to being is out of the pit. As I read through the comments, I see a resounding pattern and am elated to see that people have been freed from the ties of the narcissists in their lives. I have observed that what is wholesome and true, evil seeks to destroy and corrupt. Praise the Lord and Jesus for already overcoming the evil of this world and that is be to him for showing us all mercy. I am so shaken by the article in that it is almost down to the letter of what I too have endured from my ex. The similarities are resounding and reminiscent of the evil I have been tormented with. Thank you for sharing and thank you Kim for all you do.

Frank Rizzo says November 1, 2020

Really sad story, glad the writer woke up to the harsh truth… here’s a fraction of my story. I finally caught my female narc red handed with another guy, didn’t have proof she cheated , just that she was alone with him for a weekend… she preceded to gaslight me into thinking they were just friends, using the rage intimidation technique to convince me I was delusional. I wound up going crazy for about two months trying to figure out the truth , I went into a mental hospital for treatment , still talking to the narc everyday trying to improve my health this save the relationship. This is pure evil , she continued to lie, deny, and rage any type I asked questions , all the while I’m taking all these medicines and going crazy trying to be sane again , she didn’t care , she kept gaslighting me non stop… how sick can one person be ? I’m in treatment cause your sleeping with someone else , lying to my face cause she was a coward. I suffered a complete breakdown , and I kid you not , when she saw me crying in agony trying to figure out the truth , she smiled ! It was the NARC smirk , which I didn’t know at the time, but yes , she enjoyed what she did to me , it was direct evidence she evil method was working, she was trying to kill me. I now 4 months no contact , starting to feel okay, but not even close to normal , post traumatic stress has taken so much out of me. If your a newbie out there seeing this , male or female , on day one you suspect that their a narc , RUN, change your number , block on social media and never look back.

Pasha says November 1, 2020

Uncannily spot-on on so much! Another fantastic blog …

Anonymous says October 31, 2020

Always maintained its of the Devil only he living in these people can torture the children of Jesus. We see the red flags that the Lord sends but we are so much in love we don’t want to listen. My husband would screw his face and get angry whenever we were happy. My sister is the devils assistant doing same with her husband. You don’t convert the devil you resist him and he flees from you do that when you see red flags before you have q legal relationship with them. I proclaim this Jesus exorcised him out of my life and it has been 17 years of bliss and peace fit me and my 2 children Praise the Lord Jesus ?

Jack Kost says November 27, 2019

It’s terrifying! They will do anything, sink to any depth … to get their own way and take everything. I’ll share this on my other platforms. Kim, thank you for all you do.

    Kim Saeed says November 28, 2019

    It’s truly my pleasure and honor, Jack. Thank you for sharing 🙂

Unknown says November 1, 2019

This is my story. I emotionally block my husband, since he does not want to sign divorce papers. Life could never have been so peaceful. Thank you Kim

Shelagh says October 31, 2019

Wow that story blew me away I resonated with every word she was pure evil as is my ex pure evil I would love for the 2 of them to hook up be interesting who would kill each other first

Brenda Barton says February 20, 2019

The smear campaigns while I was still having tweetie birds and stars surrounding my head full of delusions of a companion or love in life I realize where happening behind my back probly from day one. Though we all did drugs together I was treated like a disease nobody wanted, shamed, and always left behind while he went to casino with other females n supposedly worked on other wemons houses n stuff. It was clear though I never did or said a nasty thing to them that they did not want me to come and the few times that I did it was clearly done as a favor to him. For my self-worth self esteem and dignity to be under constant neverending attack six years since the day we met, plus his friends family and ex had me crying uncontrolably and clawing my face up and hitting myself out of self hatred. Although I no longer see or talk to him no contact and life 100 percent better I still and will probly always feel less than other people like theirs something wrong with me.

Peter Wells aka Countingducks says May 12, 2015

What a horror story that is. I’m just glad you survived, physically at least, although I am sure there must be mental scars. What made her pick on you in the first place, and how did she snare you I wonder

daveyone1 says May 11, 2015

Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..

Carrie Reimer says May 11, 2015

Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
Here’s proof women can be narcissists also. Never under estimate the depth of evil that lurk behind the mask.

tony says May 8, 2015

I can relate very well to your description of her narcissistic characteristics. I was married just two months before my suspicions kicked in, it lasted 8 more, and then I sent her back to Europe. (so, they’re just not here domestically, they are International as well). I was 59 when I married her, she was 43….But, going through months of reading like all the other victims of this evil relationship type, I came to a conclusion with help from a very religious friend of mine.

I wrestled forever if this was a mental disorder, a mental illness or just plain evil. Everything you read basically says it’s a childhood traumatic experience of some sort. But, although that may be correct there is a point in time where the narcissist develops an opening, in which, the devil roots itself and progresses it’s manifestation. So, a couple of nights after my friend went home I was sitting in bed saying my prayers and asked God to give me some kind of sign that what my friend said was correct. Within a couple of seconds my cat jumped on the bed and then my chest and just looked at me for less than 5 seconds. (my cat never ever jumped on my chest), so I’m pretty confident that I’m on the right track here. The child was abandoned or abused or neglected as a child an never healed and left an opening for the source of evil to enter and take over their mind and souls.

They all say and do the same EXACT things, they are like super machines all acting as the Germans did under Hitler in WWII. Has to be nothing but pure evil. Sorry it took you 20 years to find out, but I’ve had experience with these kinds before. I even accused her of being a narc before we married, but we were kind of forced into marriage to the resident requirements in the USA. Marry or she goes back to Europe… We need to make more and more people aware (especially our young) that there are such monsters that do exist and can be detrimental to ones being.

Sabine Joubert says May 8, 2015

Any day now I am going to pluck up the courage and share my story. Light and love and healing to all of us who have experienced degrees of this.

Intentional Healing says May 8, 2015

Now that he has woken up to the evil of his former Narcissist wife and is thankfully divorced from her, I hope that he will continue to heal from the issues that drew him to her in the first place. As I have found in my own life, I was abused by my Narcissist mother and stepfathers, therefore, I was groomed to continue in abusive relationships. Now that I have a clear idea of what made them tick, I have turned my discerning eye inward to what makes me tick!

    Ace says November 5, 2019

    Wow poor guy ! I went through the same thing with my narc , what an experience it was horrible ! I never knew what was wrong , but I could feel something wasn’t right ! I googled what was going on with her and the way she was acting and boom ? ! What an awakening it was ! Now it’s time to heal , and her mom is the same ! Their sick ! Good luck with your healing too. ! You are a strong person to come out of that B S crap ? ! Good luck again

Cho mo lung ma says May 8, 2015

Reblogged this on Parental Alienation's dirty secrets , akin to Domestic Violence 40 yrs ago.

tvjackiem says May 8, 2015

Why won’t the investigators look at the evidence? If there was foul play would certain tests help uncover that? Someone like this with the pattern described is leaving a trail of proof as the common denominator.

    Kim Saeed says May 8, 2015

    Apparently there was never an investigation, especially since the doctors could never find the source of his sickness. Typically lawyers don’t look into these things unless there’s concrete evidence…you might be surprised to know these things happen more often than we’re aware of.

LivingaNEWLIFE says May 8, 2015

I would hate to break it to this guy, This statement is entirely not true in my case — And any American man knows how devastating this can be as they tear apart everything you worked for and divide it between the “wife” and the lawyers. The men and children lose nearly every single time in that arena.” I had a psychopath husband that I had been with for over 30 years and I never got any retirement and very little of anything else. So lumping us ex wives into one hole is totally unfair!


“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” C S Lewis

    Kim Saeed says May 8, 2015

    I believe he was referring to narcissistic and high-conflict ex-wives who are out to destroy…

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