The Realm of the Narcissist

I’m curious. I MOST certainly just got out of a relationship with a narcissist. Classic signs, I have classic symptoms etc. The only thing though…is that he recognizes he is unable to love anyone (or so he told me for years…as I tried to change/help him) and that he is wounded. He had moments of clarity that to me says somewhere deep down he knows what he is. But then of course he calls me crazy and I feel crazy. Anyways, I’m feeling great after reading posts and now I’m checking out your book. Ty!!

If only “no contact” worked on someone who’s determined to maintain contact. For years, I got hang-up phone calls, checking to see if I was home or out on a date, checking to see if a man answered. He parks outside my house to see who’s coming and going. He still has the drivers license with this address on it and has found a mobile locksmith who doesn’t notice that it expired ten years ago, who will make him new keys every time I change the locks (helpful hint: pickproof locks — the only way to open that door without a key involves power tools that will attract attention).
Over the summer, I found a Coke bottle with the name of my ex-fiance’, ordered some luxury vacation brochures in the name of Mr. & Mrs. Ex Fiance’, and left them on the front porch. Sure enough, didn’t take long and the box was taken. The mail was found under the street lamp, where he could see to read the name on it (but it wasn’t going to get him jailed for mail theft), but the Coke bottle was taken. I’m sure it irks him no end that I am supposedly marrying someone who can afford to take me on such expensive honeymoon trips.

Kim, after reading several of your posts two questions came to my mind:
1) Are these narcissists born with narcissism or did they develop it?

2) Can someone as young as 15 be considered a narcissist? And how do you tell normal teenage narcissism apart from the real narcissistic disorder?

If you can help me answer these questions I will really appreciate it, thank you for reading

Excellent article. I think that once we are able to grasp this on the “heart” level rather than just on an intellectual level, we are finally able to break their control over us. They do not care, they do not have the capacity to care. I think they could back over you with a truck and not feel a thing……….and once you finally “get it”……..you will never never look back……….but admittedly, they play a good game, they are superb actors and it sometimes takes a very long time to truly understand what they’re about.

Can a person be a little bit of a narcissist and not hurt anyone and still be an ok person? 🙂

[…] But in reality, both the “jealousy” and the “anger” are merely tools in the hands of a deeper driving force: the desire to dominate and control another person out of extreme self-centeredness, otherwise known as narcissism. […]

Can someone please tell me when the pain ends? I honestly. Cannot take anymore. I never thought this man that I loved could betray Me and abuse me such a way that I am down and so depressed. HE DRINKS all the time and vandalized my car last Wednesday by punching windshield, kicking side in and then punching my steering wheel Now my horn blows if I Dont hold the cover while turning and Now only says he will fix windshield. He slammed my foot in door all this because I would not come lay with him. I have been sleeping on couch I cry myself to sleep every night. What a miserable way to live. I never cease praying, when will it all end?

He walks around like nothing has happened of course he’s ignored me since which makes I’d so inhumane. Can someone please give me some insight. Anyone been through the emotional and physical abuse all the while leaving me in dismay after?

In it:( very sad to spend any amount of time living in such turmoil but seems like having a big heart always bites me in my ass.

Will these kinds of shallow people ever get convicted for such hatred and abuse?

I have been no contact for years, and some days I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that my mother never truly loved me. Yes, feeling like a rat trapped in a maze, doing more and more elaborate tricks to get some treats, that is pretty much how the first 32 years of my life were spent… Oh well, onwards and upwards! Fly Free, M

Yes! This came at just the right time. They are so full and boring underneath. They have nothing to give and they feel nothing. My ex narc loved giving the silent treatment after intimacy. It was so confusing. It makes sense now… a game to keep me focused on him and wondering how he could be so cruel. He knew what he was doing. He did it on purpose. Just cruel. Well now I’m 40 days narc free. Its tough to go through the pain of giving up someone u thought u loved. It was all a fake. He wasn’t real.. He only showed what he thought I wanted and when I fell in love ❤ w the illusion the mask came off. All the rollercoaster drama. The making up and more drama again only to get worse and progressively worse. I welcome the pain now but it feels wonderful to be outside of the web!!

Kim, I’ve been wondering how so many narcissists all seem to have the same game plan, the same bag of tricks, the same story line? It’s almost as if they’ve all graduated from the same University of Narcissus. Have there been studies to find out how could this almost carbon copy behavior displayed by such a huge swath of all levels of society be so prevalent? It seems to me if ten people were randomly asked to dream up a method to thoroughly capture and destroy another human, we’d hear ten completely different plans. How do they all think and act so alike?

Excellent post.

“predictably dull, one dimensional”
reminds me, precisely, of my father – T Boone Pickens

Reblogged this on HelpingOthersHelpThemselves.

I was having a gut wrenching moment and I opened my email and saw this. Thank you for these informative and inspirational posts. You have helped me today although the pain is still quite raw. It’s still so hard to believe the deception and trickery these people use to harm the hearts and souls of others. Peace to you all.

All of this is the truth. There is nothing there. The thing that IS there is you…and you had to be something special or the narcissist would have never chosen you…sad but true. Now go and heal and find yourself again, you will feel better, freer and more confident than ever before. Make this person a distant memory. Let them abuse someone else, it is their turn now, and they will learn the valuable lesson that you did.