Having a hard time going No Contact? Told your disordered partner you’re through, yet continue to check your phone and email like Hem and Haw in Who Moved My Cheese, counting on the texts and emails to be constant?
Feeling like the world’s biggest loser when you find nothing…or, feeling like you just took a hit of morphine when you find a simple ‘hi’ from the object of your misery?
Feeling like the world’s biggest loser when you find nothing…or, feeling like you just took a hit of morphine when you find a simple ‘hi’ from the object of your misery?
Almost everyone who’s been in a relationship with a disordered Cluster-B has experienced the special hell of “electronic repetition compulsion”. Some sufferers of this condition have even lost their jobs because they couldn’t get a handle on this destructive, self-defeating behavior.
So what’s one to do? The urge to constantly check texts and emails from an abusive Ex is one of the strongest urges to overcome and has been compared to giving up an addictive substance. For starters, it’s important to realize that this urge is simply a hidden desire to rewrite history and its origin often goes back to one’s difficult childhood, which is usually how we subsequently end up with an emotionally abusive partner. Instead of checking your phone, do this:
- Go No Contact. It’s the only path to true freedom. As long as you leave a crack open, you’ll keep going back to the toxic relationship, trying to resolve inner wounding.
If you haven’t gone No Contact, here are some simple exercises to put in place until you do:
- Take the battery out of your cell phone. Settle down with a good book for a few hours.
- Instead of checking your messages, eat chocolate. You’ll get a rush of endorphins instead of victim peptides.
- Keep a rubber band around your wrist. Each time you’re tempted to check your phone or email, snap it…hard.
- Start a project. Keep your mind occupied.
- Identify your danger zones. There are times that you’re more inclined to indulge than others. Recognize when those times are, and do something that is incompatible with checking your phone.
These are simple activities you can implement to avoid the urge to break No Contact.
