7 Things Your Narcissist Won’t Tell You

She has some kind of hold on me that draws me right back time after time. see might even have me believing I was wrong and mistaken about her. I just need to remind myself of the narcissist here.

Loved you for years, loving your wisdom again for the second time ⏲

to the dear lady grieve stricken over her granddughters,
I so understand im in a very similar scenerio but married 12 yrs to him.hes my husband and its our oldest daughter and he moved in with my mother. im deveatated over it all. he has stratigically planned all this out very well. he goes to and is involved in church a mega church here in this area and hes got my whole family loving him and hes made it look like im a substance abuser whos mentally unstable. i have lost and faith in God and want ro die from the depth of despair i hace experienced. idk if im going to make it. my poor kids our son 10, oldest daughter 9 abd baby 3. im trying to not go see my kids bc i have to see him and to witness the abuse hes putting our oldest thru is unreal. but i cant react or let him see thats what ge wants. it is unforgivable. now hes buying their affection and groiming them. its disgusting 1

I am a married man who fell in love with a lady who was separated, I helped her mend her broken heart, I helped her pay off her ex, I was there for her 2 lads, I worship her and she knows it. She has glassed me, stabbed me, punches me all the time, she puts me down in front of people, i am not allowed to flirt with other friends when we have all had a drink or she will do or say something to upset me, 10 years I have been there for her, now she has got back with her ex who obviously does not want me anywhere around so I have lost everything, a family member. she lied to me for 4 months, she has now got the police to even stop me contacting her, but i would go crawling back at the click of her fingers and she knows it. I am trying to be strong but it is difficult.

I feel your pain my husband yells at me when I tell how m his wrong . He cheated on me with my adult daughter and refuses to tell me flat out ,he said he only told me he had out of anger. He said yes I did it you know then why are you still talking about it . I did and want are you going to do about it. So I know but he makes it seem like it’s my fault. I hold on to hopes that I’m wrong but I know he did it . I feel bad because he has no family to go to . I need help.

Wauw. They are true scumbags !!!! ????? This helps, thanks. Can’t believe I’ve wasted all my time & love on that piece of SH*T !!!!!!! ??? Hope he dies & rots in HELL !!!!!

Hi: My situation is a little different. I was married to a mentally abusive person (not diagnosed as narcissist but was diagnosed as Bi-Polar II). Fast forward 21 years of marriage and 1 child later. My daughter is 27 and displays very strong mannerisms of narcissism. She discarded me 2 years ago when my 3 year old granddaughter told me in a detail no child should know, that her bio father was molesting her. I trusted my ex’s mother who I now realize is a narcissist as well and told her. She immediately called CPS, lied to my daughter and told her I called and that is where I am today. My daughter has accepted her father, her grandmother who lied and his entire side of the family while discarding me and both of my parents as well. Here I sit, worried SICK about my granddaughters. Oh, CPS came in and said “no abuse found”. I’m sure my daughter drummed it in her daughters head she better not tell a thing. I am sick over the fact that I feel like I abandoned my granddaughters. The youngest doesn’t know me. She was 1 at the time. The oldest and I were so very, very close. That is probably why she told me what she did, she trusted me. The guilt is so overwhelming that it is paralyzing some days. Why didn’t I do this or that? Why couldn’t I protect my grandchildren? Why did my ex’s mother who has been what I thought a “friend” for 40 years, betray me? I’m just so severely depressed. My parents don’t agree with the narcissism. They think she is being “who she is”. Any advice would be greatly appreciated if anyone else is going through this?

I’ve been seeing a fella on and off about 8 years. The past 6 months to a year the communication b/t us has been much more frequent, and we have seen each other more often, but I had suspicions in my gut.
A couple of days ago, I did some research and discovered that he was married and had been married for several years. He denied and denied until I proved to him I knew. Then he stopped communicating.
After much thought I wrote an letter to his very young wife. He is 47. Brief letter, sayin I just found out he was married and ended the relationship for good. I was so sorry by wanted her to know the man she married. After I left the letter on their front door and I got back to my car. Wife walked out with a baby, about a year old. I was devastated. I texted him and told him I knew about the wife and now, the baby. He is to NEVER contact me again. Never. I don’t ever want to hear from him again.

Been with my husband for 38 years he is old,fat and ugly and still thinks he is gods gift to women, he sneaks over to my whore neighbors to get sexual favors. Plus any where he can, When I call him out on it he says he is going to hurt me goes crazy and threatens my life,screaming for all the neighbors to hear at the top of his lungs.This nut is such a narcissist when we go camping instead of facing the beautiful lake he will face fixated on the women’s bathroom. Also when I call him out on that he starts screaming in my face saying I am nuts and crazy and I need help, I stand up for myself acting unafraid face to face, but in reality I am because he has physically hurt me before in the past many times,He always tries to intimidate me with fear so we can keep being the filthy cockroach that he is !

I have a question. I had an online affair that turned physical. Well we met three times in the two years this went on. When first met him online he kept telling me how beautiful and sexy I was. And over time I fell for it. Then one day he turned it sexual. Started sending pictures of his penis and asking me to send him full body shots. Talked about hooking up. He lived 6000 miles away so I just went along with it. I liked the attention. He told me he was better in bed than my husband and I would have great orgasms with him. Ok so one day he just showed up. Freaked me out. I felt trapped. Met him in his car and he was charming. He explained this was just a fuck buddy relationship cause I was married and he had a girfriend. So we tried to have sex but he ended up having ED issues then a cop drove by. Two days later I met him in his room. He was in a hurry and not so charming. It was then I noticed how small his penis really was. More ED issues then he just quit. Got up said he had to go and left. I felt used. Two weeks later he texted and asked how it was. I could not tell him it sucked so I just said good…then he started bragging about himself. Texting continued. More pictures. Then he wanted video chat and I sat there naked while he masterbated. Kind of humiliating. Texting continued. Then he showed up again. He was a bit drunk. No forplay. It hurt alot. More ED issues. He masterbated more than he had sex. Then he just got up and went into the bathroom for ten minutes. When he came out he asked how was it? I told him I had better. He got angry and told me “you know it was good!” Then he ignored me. So I went home. Weeks later he’s back asking how good it was. I just said good. He starts bragging again. The texting got more demanding and humiliating. He would bug me for pictures until I gave in. If I posted something about me and my husband he would pop up demanding pictures. He would ask if he could disgusting things to me. I’d say yes and he would say “GOOD!”. Anything that happened in my life he would pop up. Even my anniversary. It’s like I had to be humiliated for being happy. Then I got caught. He said “hope you work it out, take care bye”. The I realized I didn’t know this guy. I knew nothing about him. He even lied where he lived. And you know what? In those two years when he kept telling me I was so beautiful and sexy, he NEVER once said he liked me. So what is this guy? Narcissist? Sociopath? Or just an asswipe?

It just doesn’t seem fair! How can they pretend like they did nothing wrong. Do they really think that what they did was a good thing? Why are they ok with it? Jow come they always get the people back they burned or who they think still owes them. I sm still hurting like badly deep down and walk around trying to jide this pain. Three yearrs later and I still want to scream at him and I cry… I’ve tried so hard to move on and end up being used by another one.. what am I supposed to do? I hate my life, but I have wot ked so hard toown my home, take care of myself and my child. I Hate for ber to see me like this and I hate feeling kike this. I cant stand kivi g like this either. He took away my dignity, mu self esteem and he will never alologize. He tells everyone I stalk him, yet he stalks me. He tries to act as thow he has forgiven and that he wants to be my friend, but I cN’t pretend like nothing hapoened and I get jealous. My life is a mess

I went through the same thing, but now he changed his number & everything making me look like the crazy & obsessed one. He did this without any explanation to me so I let the old supply know that he was still in comtact with me on purpose turns out she doesn’t care either because she is pregnant by him now, she is okay with him cheating etc. So today we are no longer in contact which is a good thing.

Thank you for allowing some who are obviously suffering the “space” to vent and share. I am entering my recovery phase. I was with my (soon to be) ex husband for nearly 28 years. He was that dream guy, charming and constantly attentive. He made sure that he knew me better than anyone had, little did I know that it would be used against me for years and years. One day following the birth of our oldest daughter, it was like a switch flipped. I had post-partum depression and he decided to jump into that crazy pool. He disappeared for days, and of course that was only the beginning. It would come in waves. If he felt me pulling away emotionally – he would once again be the man I fell in love with. From the outside, everyone thought we had the perfect marriage. When our youngest was born – I progressed to post partum psychosis and cared for a baby with health issues and a terminally ill mother. His abuse went on steroids. It was easy to convince me of any problems rested solely on my shoulders. He wove such logical webs – he knew what to say to lure me in emotionally. I was doomed. He made it impossible for me to progress easily. Jobs were great unless they interrupted any portion of his life. The kids and I were only valid when needed. We spent years waiting to be important. Progressively anything that I had financially – my sizable inheritance, my 401K and IRA from a 14 year job, so on, were absorbed “for the family’s benefit”, usually at an “emergency” level or simply cleaned out without my knowledge. It became apparent that the time, the energy and the money was spent elsewhere – ah, yes, the gambling. So, now I was dealing with someone with a Narcissistic personality disorder AND an extreme compulsive gambling problem. Until I had a life-threatening health scare did I start to pull the pieces together. I somehow knew to begin counseling (with my restrictions on her access to my husband for a year minimum), I journal-ed, I documented, I even set alarms on my phone to begin to “de-program” myself. My counselor diagnosed me with severe complex PTSD, and somehow I began to lift the webs. I filed for divorce a year and a half ago. I have been in the process ever since. I have committed the ultimate sin against a Narcissist, I have publicly denounced him. I have taken his “toy” away. I am no longer pliable (at least from his perception). Every thing that was my “fear” prior to his leaving, had come to fruition. It has been brutal to myself and to my two girls. If I had known a year a ago what would have unfolded, I’m not sure that I would have gone through with it. It was a leap of faith – the way that I’ve gone through this whole process. I have to believe in myself and have the faith that this process is necessary to heal. I’ve been frightened, devastated, physically and emotionally drained, not to mention the financial. BUT, even with all that said – I wouldn’t want to spend one more moment in the same space as this man. The moment he was served with the papers, he moved in with another woman and her daughter and stopped making sure that his own girls were taken care of. It was more important to punish me for knowing the truth. He has given my girls a gift – they want nothing whatsoever to do with him, no visits, no texts, nothing. They and I are better for it. In spite of everything we’ve been through (I didn’t even share 1/100th of what he put us through) I feel blessed that I am nearly out of this nightmare. Let the healing begin.

I am in No Contact with a man I met seven months ago. (Three weeks now!) The first three months were fun, enjoyable and seductive. Then he began to subtly change and I began to feel anxious and my instincts were screaming. The final blow was when my father almost died and was in serious condition for ten days in the hospital. My “guy” didn’t contact me once after I told him I had to go to my father. When I reestablished contact, he never asked how I was or how my father was. When I turned up the flame underneath him and asked him if he could step up when things were rough, he turned into a little boy and made promises that he could, and he did………………..for three days.

When I wished him a “Happy Six Months,” his response was, “I don’t know what to say to that.”

Then he made sure I found out he was seducing another woman, younger and richer, and he accused me of spying on him when the evidence came streaming over my newsfeed on Facebook because of his actions. I ended the relationship. He asked if we could be friends on Facebook. I thought: Why not? This is going nowhere. After a few days of silence, he came back and virtually attacked me on chat (I know most people will not know what this is about but it is real.) I asked him if he still loved me and he said, “The honest answer is………..I don’t know yet. You’re still working on trust issues.”

That was it. I waited two days and spoke with him only when he contacted me and always cut the conversation short. He started acting sick, wanting sympathy. I was waiting for him to leave the country for two weeks. The day before he left, I dumped him for the final time and thanked him for reminding me that there were predators in the world and I would remember that for now on. He’s still trying to triangulate me through Friends of friends on Facebook because I blocked him but I feel I need to get off Facebook completely, which is sad, but will do me good. I have never met such a manipulative, selfish, and crazy making man in my life and hope I never run aground with one again.

My sincere condolences to those who are trapped by their abuser by marriage or children. Even after seven months, I’ve had to seek therapy to regain my self-esteem.

My ex narcissist would tell me I was bi- polar I needed professional help, that I needed to learn how to treat a man. Everything I did he had a mean comment and when he was drinking he was 10 times worse he was physically abusive this as been going on for a year and some, he’d tell me I don’t why I keep coming back to you usually I don’t it’s cause yiur a good person, he how’s me 30000$ he lives with is mom and he’s 39 . So I’ve had enough of him so I changed my number and I think he met someone else so I’m I out of the woods with him, oh and he as 9 retaining orders against him. And I believe he’s capable of killing me one day.

My Narc discarded of me on 2 Sep 16 and moved in with his new supply on 4 Sep 16 – I haven’t heard from him since the 2nd. Don’t think i’m going to.

This is absolutely perfect! Sounds just like them!

When it comes to this ‘Narcissist’ why do you always keep men at center?
I am a male and trying to figure out with my new found love, who ultimately, the more i am being exposed to her, and the more i am reading at web, is turning out to be a narcissist.
What in that case? If your fairer sexed love turns out to be one?

I have been with my man for over 3 years he used to be abusive in the past. He even cheated on me and I took him back three times. He left me for his child’s mother all three times. He came back to me and told her he didn’t have feeling for her. She finally moved on with someone else. I have been living with him for 8 months now. He hides me from his daughter. I met her when she was sick and she liked me. She is now 9. She doesn’t even know I am in the house when she comes to visit her Dad.One day when she left back home he try to be romantic with me and I told him I was sick of hiding from his kid and why does he hide me he said it’s not hiding. It is his time with his daughter. I know his ex doesn’t like me. So I told him I am not with him anymore. He got mad and said I am drama. Smh and he has been giving me the silent treatment for a month going out with his buddies every night. Doesn’t care if I eat or have money like before I told him how I felt.I text him when I come home if his kid is visiting so he can distract her while I come in the house. I told him sorry for saying he hides me and sald I didn’t mean to break up with him but I was hurt he just ignored me. I guess he thought he had it made girlfriend in the room kid in the living room. I love him but I am so stressed out and hurt. I always forgive him but he stays mad at me. I told him to tell me if he wants me to move out or if he’s talking to someone else he just ignores me. Or he will say I’m drama and don’t involved him in my Drama I don’t see it as drama. I don’t know what else to do to get him to talk to me I apologize way to much already. I just go to work and straight to my room after . I try to go out sometimes and act like I don’t care but he goes all the time acts like I don’t exist it hurts me.

I feel so loss. My narcissistic ex boyfriend has destroyed me. He started off in the beginning as prince charming and I thought back then I had found the one guy that I could spend the rest of my life with. We were together for 3 years however two years was spent breaking up off and on until he decided that he wouldn’t get back together with me till I changed. I spent the next two years taking all sorts of criticism from him, and countless verbal attacks of him telling me how crazy I am and how I get things mixed up and how the way I saw things isn’t how it happened. I would question my sanity every other day while he would tell me he loves me, and still do relationship type things couples would do together. And it just got worse, I would take the blame for ruining things between us and also cry every night. He goes to this bar in town every day, and is good friends with the bartender. He told me over and over they are just friends and any time I question it I was just crazy or insecure. Even though they talked on the phone everyday. Last night was the last straw, he call’s me at 1am on Friday to tell me he love’s me and such and I asked him to text me the next day. The next day I heard nothing from him but was able to see his phone log history and saw he spent all day and night talking to the bartender which by the way he calls her a slut. When I called him and asked why he didn’t talk to me his response was “I don’t know”. I even asked him if he had been talking to another girl and he lied and said no. I called him out on it and hung up on him and haven’t heard back from him peirod. I just can’t understand why my attention wasnt good enough. Why he doesn’t want a relationship with me yet drains my feelings dry when it benifit’s him. I know he is narcissistic yet I still can’t believe he truly never loved me. I don’t know how I will ever move on. I feel so broken.

Thank you so very much for posting this. Having experienced a massive downer of a day because my narcissistic ex, who discarded me, “found” (i.e. likely had her stashed away all along) someone else and is now flaunting her, reading your post has only justified my past decision to leave him and go no-contact.

I have been separated for 3 years from my son’s dad – divorced since December 2015. Ex did everything to delay the divorce. After ex discovered in February that I had a boyfriend he stated to me…”No other man is going to raise my son. ” About a month ago I brought my boyfriend to my son’s baseball game (the ex is one of 3 coach’s) and after the game my son overheard the ex call me “stupid” to the father of another kid on the team. My son told me and I asked my ex: Why did you call me stupid? Our son was upset to hear you say that about me, please don’t say disparaging things about me bc your son will end up resenting you. Ex said, oh sorry, i didn’t think he was within earshot. So fast foward today…..ex is suddenly being nice..compliments me, sends nice texts etc. I believe he is trying to get me back for the sole purpose of ensuring that I don’t remarry and another man will be involved with our son’s life.

I was with my girlfriend for 10 years. From 2006 to 2009 I paid her rent food gas entertainment and clothing so that she could pursue a career in acting worry free .We met at very young ages 18 and 20 she is two years younger than me . She had a history of anorexia and cutting . I knew she had these issues but they improved however they did seem to manifest as other things. People always felt uncomfortable around her felt that she was “evil” or mean. She would hit me and go into rages and I still stayed with her and never called the authorities… When a fellow actress made it big she flew into a rage throwing things and screaming saying that her parents never helped her and its not fair that someone whos parents did help are making it big. She then later said that I never helped her that her parents did despite the fact that I was still paying her rent some of her food (expensive healthfood shakes). She always had get rich quick schemes that would get me either exploited or stolen from and wanted me to work for free despite my protests . She would call me not ambitious for not wanting to work for free and be exploited. She She knew my family background was less than desirable and how my financial situation was not very good. She eventually destroyed my life completely . When I was laid off from my job she begged me for months to strip for money online . Then she kept saving all the extra income she had in her bank account and was angry that I wanted to turn it into a joint account. She said “Oh so you dont trust me?!”She said “its unnatural for two people to only be attracted to just eachother” so we agreed on an open relationship mainly due to the fact she had never had a relation with a man and we did not want her to feel that would be missing since she was bisexual . Little did I know this was a one-sided open relationship. Where she was allowed to make out with people and went to a womans hotel room where they engaged in oral sex but I asked her to come home and not go to the womans hotel room she did anyway and had unprotected oral sex then stated that she was raped… Then weeks later she wanted the woman to take her out to dinner! She did not use protection with this woman and said she was forced against her will to receive oral sex. She contracted genital herpes and demanded unprotected sex and became extremely angry when I suggested protection . That “genital herpes isnt a big deal!” I was mostly closeted but open to a few people close friends and my entire family. She said this was part of the reason for dumping me yet she was selective with whom she discussed her sexuality with she did not tell her half brother or her aunt .Then I kissed one woman once and she flew into a rage and said this is why she is dumping me. She dumped me for the guy that took over my job after I was laid off despite me getting her the job she has now where she makes $100k a year. She took off with my savings and expensive underwear and tried to take many things away from the house including books she left me destitute . She said that because I am codependent , not in the closet enough and a cheater (despite the open relationship which I said we needed to end because it seems to cause problems )yet she dumped me for an alcoholic drunk driver co dependent who also introduced her to drugs. She said because he passed the bar and because I was just a stripper (despite her begging me to strip for money ). She also said I was dumped because she needed sex 5 times a week and that once a w eek or twice a month was not enough despite the fact I was getting headaches during sex or just too tired working 6 to 7 days a week. She was angry with me that I would not take the bus to dangerous neighborhoods to volunteer . She tore my life to pieces while I built hers up to a very high level and now she brags about going to Saks and how I’ll be missing out. Yet I helped her get to where she is .She would say so many horrible things to me about the guy she dumped me for None of this makes any sense . She dumped me 2 weeks before our wedding! She called me unambitious despite me taking tons of pictures of her some of which have been exhibited in prestigious institutions. This all makes me insane. I loved her because she was good at physics and really good in school and very attractive , but her personality was always talking crap about people and always getting into fights with authority figures or flirting with the idea of things that were illegal . She also made up lies and told me she was in love with this guy who just last week she complained “haha he has friends who record the women theyre having sex with and the women dont know it ” “ew he thinks casey anthony is hot” and ” he thinks its hard to get an std ” and ” he cheated on his girlfriend and they had an abortion ” but now hes this savior… Then when I stopped talking to her she now asks for forgiveness says shes sorry that her sexuality “changed” yet I found out she cheated on him with men and women (just kissing though) then she admitted to watching me on the stripping website with her friends and said it was ok because she was “drunk”. When her parents got into a car accident (the parents she always bad mouthed to me ) she said that I should be concerned. She blocks me and unblocks me from facebook constantly Now my life is in shambles its like living in hell before she dumped me she had me take her to concerts and buy her things and spend $400 on her for halloween … Now she says “youre free to go slave ! I dont need you anymore to pay my rent i can afford to do it on my own! “She also called me “selma ” like the Martin luther king movie because I am black . I am so sad and devastated that my life took a turn for the worse from working succesffully to being stuck in this cycle i am trying to hard to break free from. I feel like a prisoner

Hello Kim 🙂 Wanted to know, do these points apply even to a Narcissistic mother? Are there any additions or modifications to these points in case of a mother?
Also, I’m Arab and Muslim. The nature of our culture/religion makes it impossible to go 100% no contact… Especially that I’m single and live with my parents. Is maintaining a ‘business-like’ relationship with my mother enough to protect me from her abuse?
Thank you ???

Wow! Beyond accurate. No contact is the only way to survive.

I was with N for eight years. Met very young, although we’re both still young. First year was great. Not long after that affairs came and went. I was leaving for college and realized i was pregant. After telling him, he remarked “trapped you now.”

We had three children, two of the births he came and went; He pretended the birth of our last child made him open his eyes. He used the children to draw me back in. I was always convinced to reconcile for first our child, then our two children and then we had three. He always left me during my preganacies and lived with other women. He always eventually wondered back with the promise “I want my family back, and I’ll do whatever it takes.” This usually only lasted two months max because I would find evidence of his cheating ways on his phone. Very secretive and cold. I started getting my life together, lost 60lbs, realized what he is and how to heal the wounds that he inflicted on my children and I. I have been starting over for years, somehow he finds a crack in me and crawls back in like a cockroach. He manipulates every situation as to make sure i can never have a relationship with anyone else and so the kids and i are never out of his reach. I somehow stilI crave this abuse. I read everything I can about this disorder. It helps me feel normal, and in more control of the shitty situations that he puts us through and that I let him. I truly believe hope is your biggest enemy dealing with these kinds of people. Hope will string you up so he can shoot you down. And no, he never changes. Only you can. It’s very hard to change something you have been conditioned to feel, act, and to think. I’m working on this. I have just came to the realization that everything was a lie, and there is some sort of explanation to his behavior and womanizing.

Kim, Just a quick note to thank you for your book ” How to do NC like a Boss”. I have it open on every device I use….and every once in a while ” pop back into it” for a refresher. Day 40 today of NC. Much learning and awareness as well as perspective. Your book and these blogs help in so many ways. Especially ” 7 Things Your N won’t tell you”. Because its top of mind for me, I’ll share that the Holiday season is likely a tough time to start or keep NC in place….so everyone should have a plan, a support plan, in place so we do not cave and give in. Be strong everyone….have a support plan…..get it ready now. And thank you all for your posts and sharing. It means so much to hear all of your successes and even challenges. You are not alone.

is this only a man thing? when i look online for advice there is hundreds and hundreds of outlets for females….i wish there was a source to help men out through hard times. 🙁 or does this go in both directions?

I have read over a thousand articals in 5 years,and although I have read spot on articles on. Sexual abuse,bordeline woman,and silent treatment? I don.t want to tryi or believe things will change,and afraid. That I might find out another reason for her trating me this way,I just want her gone!

[…] and lying (Proverbs 12:17, Proverbs 12:22, Ephesians 4:29).  Read up on words such as narcissist and abuse. Educate […]

I don’t know if my ex was a narc. I do know X was diagnosed with bp1 and BPD. A drug abuser and alcoholic. 20 years of lying, stealing, cheating, violence, child neglect and abuse and finally severe depression and a very public dumping of me.
Now, ten months after the crash I have made some pretty good progress. I have my home back, my kids are with me, a healthy, loving and remarkably patient gal, a good job…yet I am here, on the Internet, searching for answers I will never find. I feel terrible too often. So damn hurt. I occasionaly will just start crying.
I put in no contact six months ago. She bugs me, about kids, routinely. I don’t even respond to that anymore as its always lies, demands and accusations. I literally live under siege. X has turned their craziness on my kids now. All of whom have rejected X. They are tormented, humiliated and embarrassed.
X lives in bars, sleeps with just about anybody, claims happiness, still steals from me, abuses the heck out of my kids, violates the separation agreement, and haunts my mind to this day. There is still a sick part of me that thinks X will change, that x will awaken to what x is, and come running back. Of course, I would have nothing to do with X. The pain she has wreaked on her own children is unforgivable.
I just hope that a final divorce decree will bring closure, or that X just goes away forever. Ultimately, it is up to you to stop looking for answers and understanding and just discipline yourself to work past the pain of so many years wasted with someone like this. It is true that you only live once. So make a choice and live. It does get better. It does! Never give up. You matter.

How could I be this old and not have known that this was the kind of relationship that I’ve been in for years!! I thought maybe he was bi polar or something. For years I’ve been hearing the same thing that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and that he will never marry me. But stupid me would beg him to stay and somehow we work it out and move on with life. Then out the blue here he goes with the same ole argument. These are usually triggered by something he doesn’t like that I’ve done ( getting mad when he stays out all night or me going out and having fun with my friends.) I’ve done all that I should as a girlfriend and yet he finds something to get mad about. Apparently I didn’t give him exactly what he wanted like love and affection because he grew up not getting that from his own mother. After reading this it’s clear that I’m definitely in this type of relationship. Shutting down, silent treatment for days and acting very cold when I try to talk to him. Acting like and over grown child. My self esteem is shot and he knows it. I know now that this will never get any better and that I don’t have a choice but to move on from this destructive cycle.

I married an N. Worst mistake of my life. I got pregnant and he left me. He lied to me, would record us having intimate relations and forward to his only friend. Who was equally as perverted. My ex would stare at women in front of me and would deny it. He would say to me if we participate in a 3 some he would love me more. I told him hell no. Takes no responsibility for his actions. Blames me for everything. Even for the dog ruining the pool it was my fault because I got him the dog 8 years ago. I mean what fuck head blames a person for the dogs behavior. I blame my ex bad behavior on my ex mother in law. She thought everything he did was cute and funny. She never thought him to respect his wife and to care for others than himself. I pray to God to please take care of him soon. As least I can enjoy seeing him on his knees in front of God asking for forgiveness because he has no faith and that would be something out of his control. I remind god to have the dick pay me back all the money I gave him to fix his fucken house that my son doesn’t even have a bed in that house. I got played by a fucken jerk of the century and I hate his guts.

I have a unique narc abuser who has twisted me up. He isnt a leech to my wallet because he is wealthy. I have a whole new set of signs to add that I have not found information on. Its extremely dangerous and I need help still staying away.

Hello,
I have been divorced from my Narc since 2009 but we reconciled in 2010 after false “promises” to be better and change he went right back to his controlling brutal ways. My gut told me no but I agreed anyway. Within months he went right back to the “talks” in the bedroom berating me and yelling how non supportive and insignificant I still was and how I never gave him enough “attention.” Long story short, because we have 2 children together I stuck it out for 5yrs. All the while, dying a little of myself ever day and every time he belittled me and told how incompetent I was as a wife and mother. Nothing was ever good enough for him. I finally had the guts to say I was done (which he was not expecting) after he threatened numerous times to kick me out (this was his way of keeping me in line and behaving). I told him “let’s do it then, let’s make it happen.” This shocked him and in the 9mos it took us to save and prepare to separate it was torture. He made attempts to “talk it out” and asked several times why I didn’t want to fight for us anymore. I told him I was empty and tired. Emotionally and spiritually he had drained me and I knew I only had the strength to leave. My kids had been through enough of the ugliness he’d inflicted on all 3 of us. They knew, they saw. He has two very distinct personalities and faces. The kind, gentle loving one who showers you with fun trips and things and the cruel brutal mean monster one who would but deep into your soul with the most awful and ugly words to make you feel as small as an ant.
I’m happy to say that today I am in my own 2 bedroom apt and we share custody of our two children. However they have both shared they do not want to live with him when they turn 18. They tolerate the shared thing now only because of his behavior and meanness and they’re afraid of him. He is in a new relationship as of 2mos ago but only made it “official” on FB because they’d broken up 2x in the 2mos and appoximately 10 dates they had. He did the same play he did with me when we first met. Showering her with attention, expensive dinners and trips to the beach and bay area to show her what a “great charming” man he is. Undoubtedly informed her what a horror of an exwife I was to him and how “everyone” has mistreated and disrespected him all his life. He is currently estranged from his 2 adult daughters, his father and mother and his 6 siblings. He has no relationships other than our 2 kids and the new girl. I am learning to detach myself emotionally from the hurt and anger I still feel towards him and it’s tough. He is so fake and the outside world thinks he’s this great and wonderful guy because he is so good at the “fake self”. The new girl I think has seen a hint of the “monster” but he still has his mask on to secure her and hasn’t shown his real self to her in full force. My prayer is to be able to not feel a thing anymore when I see or speak to him. So far I’m on the right track and to God I am thankful. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

JoyGirl

This article hit me so hard. It is so accurate of my life. But i am so confused. I have been suspecting my husband to be a narcicist for a few years but still have this feeling of what if i am wrong? I really need someone to talk to about this.

[…] http://letmereach.com/2014/06/30/7-things-your-narcissist-wont-tell-you/ […]

Reblogged this on relationshitexit.

Hi Kim….I was sent over here to your page from “ursula” at Upturned Soul. I have read all if the comments and thank god I am not alone because it certainly feels like I am. I was wondering first off does your no contact book also have a section in there for people who have kids. Unfortunately with a 14 year old together and I don’t want to take his dad away from him. I don’t say bad things about my ex to my son simply because I guess after 16 years of making excuses for his poor behavior I’m just used to it.

He is a classic narcissist 100%. I didn’t really think that he emotionally or verbally abused me, but realizing that he left me via text message the day after my 10th wedding anniversary and proceeded to his girlfriends house. He continually baits me that he’s coming home and he’s just doing things to try and get his head straight and for me not to give up and exactly what you said he says “I want to know if or when ” IF OR WHEN” I’m ready to come home you’ll be there waiting for me.” Everyday its please don’t give up on us I still need you. I guess all of that is emotional abuse.

Its been 5 months as of yesterday and I have cried almost every single day for 5 months. I haven’t worked for 10 years. ( I left a six figure job to allow him to take his dream job with a company that he had wanted to be with forever) I supported him in his job and his career. I took care of my son. We moved 9 times in 10 years for his job and he would always go off to his new jobs. Everybody would know him and he’s the new guy and everybody likes him and they already know who he is and every single time we moved I had to start over.

He says he left me because I was dis attached and disengaged from our marriage. I have been fighting hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s since 2002 and it is taking a humongous toll. I don’t think he’s ever even taken the time to look at what an autoimmune disease does to people he says it’s just an excuse and it’s too bad they got my medication right after he left.

I want to get your book I want to be able to do this I want to be able to be on my own and I want, right now I still want my life back but I’m beginning to understand that that may not happen. I want him to just go on with his life he chose to leave this one and I guess if I keep letting him back into this one that he’s going to stay. We are working on selling our two houses and although he quit even using the divorce word a few months back, we will probably be dividing everything up and moving that direction by the end of the year. I’m 49 years old I didn’t think I would have to be starting over now. He told me how i am his best friend he told me that he would always be there to protect me, and every day tells me you are the love of my life. I guess if this is the way that he treats his best friends, the people he protects and the loves of his life, I’m probably better off on my own.

The only thing I’m really afraid of is that I will never let anybody in again. I gave him every ounce of my trust and he abused the shit out of it. Anyhow, let me know if your book does include that section on how to how to no contact when you have children. If you can get back to me I’m ordering it today.

Thank you to you and all the people who posted their stories up here. I feel a lot less gullible or that I’m stupid for not seeing the signs sooner. What ticks me off the most as that I know all of what everybody’s telling me. I should have left him after the first affair I should have left him after the fourth affair , but I didn’t. I believed him when he told me it was all my fault so I would do my best to change. But every time I changed he just came up with a new laundry list of things that I was doing to screw things up.

I will keep reading keep hoping and keep believing that there’s a life out there for me without him.

xo Miss_S

My Narc succeeded in bringing me to the point of being completely broken after 25+ years. I didn’t trust my intuition, would do whatever he said and felt no happiness or joy in life at all. We had four kids together. I always faked like things were fine when people were around, which wasn’t very often. We lived an isolated life. In a way I think I harmed myself more than he harmed me by just giving in. I was convinced that I was incompetent or crazy and needed him for me and my children to survive. I was stuck in a family that had harsh rules about what could be and could not be done, gender roles, women stayed home and did all work that made no money. So I had no power at all. No family of my own to see what was really happening. I have sever guilt for not standing up sooner. For years it was like I wasn’t even in my body. I just went through the motions and prayed for sleep or death. Sleep was my only escape. When he realized that, he started to do whatever he could to interrupt it and then I couldn’t bare any more. I had to get out. I started to work and he did everything he could to interfere. I kept at it. I took my vows deathly serious and tried to save our marriage no matter what. He took that as license to do whatever he wanted. Once I realized my mission was to care for him more than me and save our marriage but his was to serve himself and belittle me as much as possible – even enjoying anything that caused me emotional pain, I went cold and made the intellectual decision to be done forever. It has been more than a year and I still need to hear the voice of a trusted friend every few days to remind me it will be ok and I am not crazy. He wrecked my whole life. I have had to cut ties with a huge family, many of whom I loved, and go no contact except for things to do with the kids. I have had to watch him do things like buy a place that includes everything I ever dreamed of when they meant nothing to him. He buys things that he always hated but were my favorite and the kids come back to tell me. He takes them to places I always wanted to go to that he said were stupid and expensive and I know he secretly still gets a perverted hard on by knowing it causes me pain. I think he really is evil and maybe I just wanted to save him. On some level I think I always knew. Before I left him, I heard the words, just let go. No matter what, always trust your own gut! If your gut says the sky is purple and you look up and see blue, believe it’s purple!!

This is such an amazing article, do you have more from the narc that you can share. For example, how to deal with the anger and projections? He blows hot and cold,I now know who he is, however I haven’t learn how to deal with him. We have a child and the no-contact is impossible.

[…] say no to a narcissist is to defy the fundamental rightness of everything they do and say. They will do everything to convince you that you’re wrong to say no – even if your refusal is simply a matter of aesthetics. All […]

Oh wow ! I’ve been involved with a narcissist for about 10 years … 5 years dating and 5 years of on and off and i did not know this was a condition untill a week ago when i was searching for answers online about the behaviours of this new guy i was seeing that i saw this word and learned that actually all my horrible experiences in the past with my ex was because of that . I still have trouble moving on despite the fact that i dated a few guys after the first 5 years but nobody could even come close to the way i felt for him so i would go back or he would come back and i would take him back … Everytime he would pull a new method for sucking me back in only to discard me a few months after shamelessly ! And then come back and pretend all that never happened and when i would tell him about the stuff he told me he said i m imagining things and that he never said those horrible things to me ! Or he would justify it by being angry at something “I” did !!!
It was only recently that I met this new guy whom i was not even considering dating because he did not have any of physical/ educational / lifestyle criteria that i usually go for BUT he was sooo charming, sooo confident , soooo sweet that he won me over that i kept telling everyone wow he is the sweetest more caring guy I ve ever met … But there was a voice in the back of my mind saying it can’t be this good … Where is the catch ? Now that i read articles about narcissism i see the signs
-He was always the hero in the stories he d tell me about his day to a point i thought at some point it’s a 5 year old telling a story not a 40 yr old man … It sounded sooo exagerated !
– everyone of his employees were stupid according to him ir the way he was treating them
– he would always tell stories about his exes but all showing how they all still want him … He kept saying he doesnt know why they don’t go away only to make him look so wanted in my eyes but always the perfect gentleman who doesnt lead them on ! Yeah right !
– he started breaking the pattern he had created in my mind about the way we were … Getting cold , less texts, not affectionate as before and when i asked him about it he said maybe i m the “needy” one ! And i guarantee you i wasn’t !
– he would subtly tease me in a way that was belittling me ! Like in his jokes or making fun of something i liked
– he was acting cold silent whenever i was saying i m going out with my friends …. Now i know only to control me … It got to a point i had to be careful hpw i brought up certain subjects or i had to make it look like a little gathering that s not that much fun even if i was going out so he wouldn’t get uncomfortable or act distant !!! Now i know it’s only because of his insecurities even thought he had that amazing confident mask on and he wanted to control me !
– it felt like he is trying to purposely irritate me or poke me so i get jealous or react or something but i always ignored his attempts and acted cool … Or i tried till i finally had enough of his changed behaviour and told him about all my confusions and that i can’t do it this way anymore … I wrote that in an email because i didn’t know when would be the next time we’d see each other !
He replied a few days later that he had read my message and is not ignoring it !
And to thos day i havent heard anything back ! Its been 2 weeks
At this point i dont know if he is giving me the silent treatment or i m going no contact … All i know is that i wont be like his other exes and i WILL go away !

Now i know it s only because he wants me to react and run after him and say why haven’y u replied so that he tells me i’m needy !!! And feels in control !

I feel like after all this time with my ex who mentally abused me (because i let him though ), i go and fall for some one who is a narcissist again ?!?!?!

I am a successful , beautiful , nice buisness woman who has a warm heart and sees through people but can not think that they can be this evil ! So i feel bad for their insecurities , and i see through them all… I see why my ex used to cheat … It does’t hurt me anymore !! I don’t know … In my head i pity them for being sick But don’t hold it against them ! Now i think i was wrong ! That they know exactly what they are doing … I used to think it’s meant to be that me and my ex find our way back to each other no matter what happens !!!! So naive and dumb ! :(((
Thank you everyone for your posts and sharing your ecperiences … It helped me alot

Thank you for this blog. I did not know much about narcissism until I started reading posts like these online. I truly believe I was in a relationship for 3+ years with a girl who at the very least has narc tendencies. I, unfortunately, cheated on her and owned up to it, which I regret (and if fact it made me wonder if perhaps I was the narcissist and not her). While I know there are no excuses for what I did, I know deep down that it is not part of my character. I’m sure people here can understand how empty and hollow you feel when dating someone who seems unable and unwilling to reciprocate feeling of love and affection. I was at a very low point in our relationship.

My story is so similar to many I have read. A truly gorgeous girl who I fell head over heels for in a matter of months. Sex started very quickly and for the first year happened regularly. I thought I had for sure met the girl I was going to marry. After a year or so, the fights started happening more regularly. She seemed to prioritize her own social life over being around me, and most importantly never seemed bothered if we didn’t see each other. She would get overly upset over the smallest things and then refuse to tell me what was wrong or talk to me about them. Often times she would be upset and I wouldn’t be sure if it was something I did or not. I was left in a constant state of doubt and the uneasy feeling of walking on egg shells constantly, trying my best not to say or do something that would set her off. She attributed her inability to express emotions or have serious conversations to her rough teenage years..although she conveniently would never tell me what happened during those times or why they still affect her today. Needless to say we never established any sort of deep emotional connection. Our relationship felt completely superficial, even after 3 years. During our last year it seemed as though she was purposely creating distance between us. We had stopped having sex regularly. She claims she had a reason for not wanting to have sex, but instead of telling it to me she would just fend me off if I tried to initiate things. She was gone to a different city during the week for school and would still choose to stay back on some weekend nights to go out with her friends instead of being with me. Additionally she would make plans and not invite me. I began to feel detached and hollow and depressed. Deep down I knew that I wasn’t getting the things out of the relationship that I needed, but if I were to bring things up she would either shut the conversation down or get angry with me. During the course of the relationship, she would get mad if I got upset about something she did or said…subsequently I would end up apologizing for getting mad! It was impossible to get her to admit she was wrong or apologize for anything. Even after the times she would blow up at me over trivial things…never an apology..never seemingly any remorse. During the course of our relationship she drunkenly stayed over at both her ex-bf places…looking back I can’t believe I was such a fool to just let things like that slide..but she had a way of always making me forget and forgive (something she would never do). When she was mad she would never tell me verbally what was wrong. She would often shut down and refuse to talk to me..only to lash out at me later via text.

I felt constantly unsure of where our relationship stood. One minute it would seems she wanted to get married, the next she would say something that make it sound like she didn’t. Then later deny that she said that.

Of course, after we broke up she told me that I ruined her fairy tale and that she did want to marry me and things that made me feel extra guilty. I do not believe her though. She told me a month later that she never shed a tear about anything that happened. Additionally, she was out and met a guy (of course a bulky, good looking one) within 2 weeks of breaking up.

I admit that I had some very low points during the last 6 months. I constantly wondered if I really did make a huge mistake and if she really was this great girl who I messed things up with. After reading blogs and posts like this I truly know that is not true now. I don’t believe she had any deep emotional investment in our relationship and I know that I shouldn’t have to be treated that way. The very fact that she moved on to a new guy within 2 weeks of “the man of her dreams breaking her heart” only proves that point more.

I really tried hard to get some closure for myself and talk to her. She, of course, has provided me no closure and based on what I have read, doesn’t have any interest in giving me any.

I found myself always looking her up on social media to see what she was up to. When I saw her actively flirting with the guy she had met a couple weeks after we split..I knew she was doing things just to make me feel even worse. It was then that I decided to go “NO Contact.” I stopped following her on social media and haven’t sent her a text or call in over a month. She later tried to add me on fb but I denied it. I have felt liberated and am doing much better. I plan to continue no contact, because I know that if I try to text her she will only make a point to knock down my self-esteem again.

I was with my ex for 20 years. He refused to get counseling together so I went alone. The bad advice I was given–to do and say positive things will supposedly lead him to do and say positive things because if one person who wants it to get better CAN theoritically make a change–had the opposite affect and made my life worse! He became more absent and more egotistical… Looking back on it, more narcissistic. Even when my father was dying, I was the one who was selfish and wrong. I didn’t know the signs of a narc until 3 years after I left him. He is still manipulative and controlling, since we share custody of a child. And he has a new girl living with him days after a judge ordered him to leave. I was extremely fearful of him and going to court, but I listened to my lawyer, which he didn’t want me to have, and a support group, which he didn’t want me to attend; it gave me strength and I won all of my battles. The judge saw through his web of lies that he would weave. He cannot be alone. He treats all women the same and will soon have another one on the hook. I just hope I can give my child strength to understand what he is and to be smarter than I. Your post is spot on. I am now still healing from the years of abuse, at least I now know the truth. Thank you for your enlightening article!

Hi, I endured 39 years with a narcisist, he first assaulted me when I was 7 months pregnant after just 2 months of marriage, I’d known him just one year then, met him on my 18th birthday. By the speed of everything up to that point I now know this is classic narcistic behaviour but it took me 39 years of misery to understand this and only then because he left me for a woman he met while Internet dating. Of course he blamed me, I was a nasty bitch etc etc, I was devastated and in shock for months. I let him get away with so much, alleged affairs, financial abuse, physical abuse, sex stopped well before he left, that was my fault as well. I found out he was Internet dating 5 years before he left me, but again blamed myself, I burnt the evidence I had reams of print outs from his works computer a letter from his company before they sacked him, a letter from his next job telling him to get counselling as he was a threat to society, he even forged my signature on a remortgage. All of this and more I forgave as ‘it was my fault’ he’d convinced me. I could go on but it would take all day. My issues are still great, the worst of which is my children who are 41 and 38, still tell me he was just selfish and I have to accept my part in all this, I didn’t want to accept what he was really up to and accepted his evil condemnation of me. He’s still with the woman he left me for, hasn’t lost anything financially but chooses to have nothing to do with his family here.
If you read my story And have any similar things going on in your relationship GET OUT, don’t wait for things to get better, they don’t, I wasted my life on a man who didn’t care one bit for me, learn from my mistakes

Dear Kim, dear all,
great blog. Thank you! Once in a while I keep looking on sites like yours to “remember”. For me there iS this need to remember the crap I put myself through, just so I will never ever see a tiny bit positive (just in case it happens) in this complete loser called my ex narc (+ alcohol).

One day, after almost 3 years with this guy he sent me a video of his daughter and after that he filmed his pee in the toilet. Of all the shit I went through with this poor little banana peel , that was the topping of the ice. My inner voice FINALLY said “ENOUGH”, and FINALLY I listened to my voice! I took myself as important; i will NOT take lies, gaslightning, “punishing”, yelling, silent treatment, stealing my words, my time, my nerves, my energy, no more “you are the one” and “where have you been all my life” bull. No more betrayal, no more fear, No more asshole. Period.

After that Video, I told him how disgusting he is, that I KNOW he just waited for me to break up and that I hope the other women can “Internet” him what he needs. blocked him on my email account (BLOCK – not just Spam – not possible to get emails from N dude), erased ALL his numbers, quit contact to his “friends” without explanation, deinstalled Viber, no Facebook, new phonenumbers, … in other words: I completely kicked him out of my life, and destroyed all ways for him to get back in.

To make it short: No contact for almost 2 years.

And THAT IS DEFINITELY THE BEST THING I EVER DID! I said “yes” to ME and “no” to the little tick.

Please, go no contact. It IS hard, and you will have nights and days full of tears, doubts, pity and hell. But I tell you, IT IS WORTH IT to walk through this! Because you walk towards YOU.

I gained so much power, I am the person I want to be (still learning) and I listen to my gut instinct, which is really exciting. I needed “him” as an experience. That´s all he was. Today I can honestly say, I did not love him, I was was addicted. Hard when I found that out, hard to reflect. I felt love before, no, that was not love. In love, but it never grew, cause I was always busy with “keeping” him entertained an being the Ms. Understanding so he would see that I am really “the one”….

Today, I often laugh about myself. Not in a bad way. In a way that makes me happy, NOW that I SEE SO CLEARLY, he´s is so little, a poor little empty shell…

All the best for you!

Greetings from Germany

I dodged a bullet with a Narcissist before getting involved. He knew I saw him and liked him first. He took that to his advantage and asked me for sex outright. When I said no. Not like that he sought to embarrass me by telling friends I was looking for marriage. I tried to talk to him afterwards. He ignored my texts my calls everything. I couldn’t get through to him. I felt like I was apologising over and over and over to him and he continually ignored me. He would constantly feed me crumbs to let me know he sees my messages. Eventually I called him on it. I told him he enjoys it. He wanted me to ask him for sex and I was on the brink of falling for his mind fuck. Then I read this. These are highly intellectual beings. They know exactly what to do to get what they want.

Please pardon the silly typos. Swype had narcissistic tendencies if you let it 🙂

Oh Kim, I have to correct you in the kindest terms. After finding you’re site recently, I’ve read stories from others that sounds identical to my marriage to my ex wife. The man who just wrote about a 22 yr marriage to his after her boyfriends died off, I was nodding and couldn’t help but wonder in amazement how he was able to hand on for that many years to his problem child. I made it just shy of 7 to mine, and if I had any backbone it would have ended after 3 yrs. But then a child came along, our pregnancy, and it was the most calm, less anger, than she ever was at any other time. But Kim, where I have to beg you’re forgiveness in checking you is this…we had a young toddler, and the NO CONTACT mode just isn’t applicable due those like us. Why? As much as we’d like to have no-contact it just ain’t gonna happen when a small child has to be exchanged.

Every time she pulls up with him, I being the reasonable parent that won’t argue in front of the child, she gets to act out her demonic fantasies on a helpless me who can only mildly rebuke her while running to get the front door locked. There is NO WAY to have separation with a co-custody parent. Unless you want to get a court order batting her/ him from your premises, which will look even stranger to our now 6 yr old child.

Want to harm the child even more? Let the child believe that his mommy and daddy hate each other so much that they can’t even look at each other. For there’s no rationalizing yet with a 6 yr old about the facts that Leo us apart in the first place.

There will chime a day where I can be more honest with our child, but Kim, at this age it’s a pipe dream to think you can just check out and bar the mother from ever having our child ever see us together.

There’s, to a certain degree, just a lot of covert acting to keep the boat from rocking again. I think I can handle that until the child’s old enough to begin asking questions…which isn’t the tune you should chime our and just dump on their mommy.

Kid gloves. That’s my role until they’re 18.

Thank you Kim for this website, it has helped me figure out what I was dealing with. Today was the final blow after a year of this Narcissist who I once thought was my Mr. Right. A month ago I caught him cheating, tried to work it out and the devaluing and discarding started to happen. A couple of weeks ago I went no contact and he went silent. He moved, changed his phone number and virtually disappeared. The only form of contact was a online chat with about 20 friends from around the country who had never met him but had known both of us from an online game we played. He posted a note supposedly from his ex wife that he had died in a horrific boating accident and passed away 4 days ago and that he asked her to post to his friends on that chat ap. I was beside myself with grief for about 2 minutes and realized he was faking his own death. My question is, what was he thinking? Why would he fake his own death? To hurt me for going no contact? I am so perplexed because he also went silent, why was that not enough?

I know my girlfriend is a pathalocigal narsscistic liar I have been with her for 3 years and had no clue on how to make it stop I have been doing exactly what she wants and had no idea until now. Very greatfull I found this and took it apon my self to do some research unfortunately I can’t quite leave we have a child together but I still don’t know if the child is mine due to she never will go get a DNA testing done. I was there in the hospital when my child was born but still she refused me my right as this child’s Father. But now at least I know what it us going to take for me to stop this madness!

My wife made me believe that I was a sick jealous possessive man, that took me to therapy last December . The first visit as my therapist asked me why was I there, I replied- I am sick jealous person and I need help because I love my wife and I do not want to lose her. After a few visits I discovered that my wife is a Narcissit. She finally left me for this person. ( he and his wife were our friends ) . Even the day she left a week and a half ago , she looked at me and told me that I had falsely accused her and forced her to leave and to have to face the world for something she did not do. I have not told her that I have in my posession an abundance of evidence showing her infidelity ( on my attorney’s advice ) The pain that a person needs to endure goes beyond words, only those married to a Narcissit can comprehend about sleepless nights , consumed day and night trying to figure out what can be done to show how much you care, how much you love. Everything is meaningless for a Narcissit has no heart, no feelings , no emotions. The only thing that matters is THEM. God be with you and help you if you are going through this . Remember You Did Not Failed .

This is one of the best things online I’ve read about narcissists ever (and believe me I’ve read a ton). Thanks! I think we need more “quotes” from narcissists themselves out there for us to see.

Correction to my first comment. The following sentence is incorrect. “My hearing on the criminal charges against her keeps being postponed by my attorney “until the divorce is settled”.” This should read as: My hearing on the criminal charges against “me” keeps being postponed by my attorney… Sorry for the confusion.

PS, I was at the scene of her accident. I had stopped and pulled up into a side street. We were about 2 miles from our house in a 25mph zoned residential neighborhood. It was a secluded neighborhood with a large security house at the entrance. It was about 1/4 of a mile ahead and I knew she would be coming after me pretty fast and was afraid she had had too much to drink and was too angry that she would kill herself and the guard at the security house. The lanes narrowed on each side so that you had to go through them very slowly. Incoming traffic actually had to stop and card in or sign in. Anyway, I pulled up a few feet up the last side street before the security house. I was in my little Honda Civic and she had jumped in my Ford Expedition. We had gone out to listen to live music that night I found out later that she had other men at the place buying her glasses of wine when I went to the restroom. I don’t drink and didn’t drink then either. We had started a side business together and it was real busy at the time, so I thought this Friday night we would unwind and maybe dance a little. I smelled the alcohol on her breath, but didn’t say anything. On the way home, she started arguing about some letter that she had found in my personal affects that I had written to a previous girlfriend and became very irate that I had not written her such a letter. I told her that if she treated me better and stopped accusing me of things, that I might be inclined to write her such a letter. She flew off the handle and started hitting me on the right arm and shoulder. We weren’t far from home and so when she opened the door and stepped inside the house, I immediately turned around and got back in the car and left, like I had a number of times before. I usually slept in a cul-de-sac, but once when I left on foot, I slept in a neighbors bass boat that had a cover on it until I had to go t work the next morning. I left and about 5 minutes later here she came down another street th I was about to turn on. I turned in the other direction and she screeched to a halt and turned around. I sped way and then realized that I was going about 50 and that the guard house was coming up. I pulled up into the side street and looked back and then saw her come over the small hill and around the curve the hill was in as the slammed on brakes causing the Expedition to spin around backwards. I turned and looked first in the rear view mirror and then over my other shoulder as the expedition hit the grass and did a complete flip and landed on its wheels. I backed up and hit a stop sign knocking it over and drove forward to put lights on he scene. I found her out on the grass next to the still running SUV on her stomach. I rolled her over and saw that her left leg was in extremely bad shape. I won’t go into graphic detail, but I took off my shirt and tied it around her upper thigh as a tourniquet and held it tight, then dialed 911 with one hand and waited for an EMT to arrive. It took about 15 minutes during which time I kept her awake by talking to her telling her how much I loved her and that she was going to be OK. She lost 9 units of blood by the time she was life flighted to the hospital. At the hospital, the considered the fact that her femoral artery that had been ripped in two by the driver side window that she had gone through a miracle because it had closed itself off. The EMTs in the helicopter had removed my shirt, once she was on board and treated her however they did. I was not allowed to go with her. I saved her life, I am sure of that. However, the state trooper that investigated didn’t like how my car was parked in the middle of the road and he kept trying to get me to tell him that I was cause of her accident. He grilled me for almost an hour while I sat in his passenger seat. He blatantly called me a liar. If I had not knocked over the stop sign which was a wooden 4″X4″ pole painted forest green, I might have been arrested for attempted manslaughter. But, the bumper of my car had a big green mark on it where I had knocked the sign over. Even afterwards, her mother and father accused me of trying to kill her. Two weeks earlier, I had kicked her out of my house for a week. She cried her way back in and mostly because we had this business together that was at a critical time of year for us, I allowed her to come back in. If I had only made her stay gone, she would still have her leg. In court for my charges, she of course claimed I have tried to kill her and caused her to lose her leg. If my story can be a lesson for anyone, please do not flounder around with someone with these symptoms. It truly could cost you your life, or limbs or their life or limbs or someone else’s. She could just as easily hit a car full of young kids coming down the road. No one did come down the road and I could have walked away from that accident and no one would ever have known. It was about 11:00pm and no one came by. I could have driven away, gone home and pretended like I knew nothing of the accident. But, at the time, it never entered my mind. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt either. She continued to not wear her seat belt even after she recovered and I would always have to insist that she wear it. Her yaw marks on the pavement showed that she was going over 70 miles an hour, that is how much she let her anger drive her to near death. If you are in a crazy relationship and you can’t understand what is happening to someone that you once thought you loved or that you might still love, but this person (he or she) misdirects arguments to be about you instead of about whatever the discussion should be about, then you need to run for your life. If you attempt to discuss with a level head what you consider to be unusual activities by him/her and they cleverly misdirect the discussion to something else or back at you turning it around to be about you, then run for your life. As others noted, if they begin to deny that they said or did something and you know darn well that they said it or did it, then run for your life. If they accuse you of things that you are not doing on some repeated basis, then run for your life. I mean literally, stop all talking, stop all wondering what is going on and run for your life. Think of the movie “Fatal Attraction” and run for your life.

Kim, interesting comments by all. I was married to an alcoholic narcissist for 23 years. Then I was single for 5 years. I didn’t know that is what she was until I sought counseling afterwards. I tried to keep up with her drinking for a number of years. When I stopped, she became disinterested in my. After 5 years, I met a beautiful woman that I fell in love with after having dated a few during my single years. She moved in with me relatively early in our relationship (due to lease optioning her home from her previous divorce requirements). All of the sudden, she changed into a blackmailing, verbally abusive woman that made my head spin. It was a horribly destructive relationship during which time she chased me down in motor vehicles a number of times and during one such chase she wrecked and lost her lower left leg. I nursed her through recovery, but should have hit the road. After 4 years of being together (2.5 years of marriage), I finally filed for divorce after she chased me again with a truck. I drove over 100 miles an hour to get away from her. I found out after her accident from her children that she had chased her son down once and her ex-husband several times. She would often get in my way of leaving the house when she would begin accusing me of infidelity. I was not unfaithful. She had serious separation anxiety. On Mondays, I would receive 4 – 5 phone calls from her a day while I was at work. On Tuesday 5 – 10. By Wednesday she was calling every hour, at least, and when I got home the accusations of meeting other women during lunch, texting other women hundreds of times throughout the day, being in a gay relationship with a man at work, and many other accusations would be thrown my way for hours and hours in the evenings. She would go on and on until 3:00 – 4:00am in the morning causing me to become seriously sleep deprived. I could not go to the local True Value hardware store by myself knowing that maybe not as soon as I returned, but knowing that within the next 72 hours, the accusations would come. I finally left her and that next week she came to my place of business where she told plant personnel and security personnel that a gun was missing from home and that I had said how much I hated everyone at work. She told them my doctor was trying to get in touch with me and that I was off of my medications. She was the one on medications. Not me. I didn’t even have a personal physician at the time. I filed an domestic violence order against her the following day and filed for divorce at the same time. She filed a domestiic violence order against me the next day. When we went to court for the EPO hearing, I found that she had also placed domestic violence charges against me and she had me arrested. I filed for divorce in April 2014. We have another (3rd final) divorce hearing set for May 04, 2015. Our divorce decree was signed and supposedly final November 14th, 2014. She has not done one thing that she was supposed to do. My hearing on the criminal charges against her keeps being postponed by my attorney “until the divorce is settled”. Fortunately for me, she came up to the house and violated the EPO order against her. The first time, I didn’t catch her on camera or video, but I was there and she saw me and left. Two nights later she came back, but I had installed a hidden video camera and so got her on video violating her EPO. I filed charges against her. When we went to the 2nd final divorce hearing in September of 2014, the Judge had already received notice that she had warrants out for her arrest. The very very old and sympathetic judge (sympathetic for the poor woman that lost her leg), immediately went into counsel with my attorney, her attorney and my ex-wife in an ante-chamber and left me for 30 minutes while the developed a negotiation plan. For the next several hours we negotiated with my main interest being that she drop the charges against me for my agreement to drop the charges against her. She was never charged, which is a serious mistake that I made. So we came to financial and dismissal agreement and were divorced on November 14, 2014. I had a pretrial conference for the criminal charges against me in early December. This is how ludicrous the charges are. They initially charged me with 4th degree felony. During the arraignment, the prosecuting attorney took it upon himself to reduce the charges to forth degree misdemeanor, which is how the charges stand now. During the December criminal charge conference, she reneged on her divorce decree agreement to drop the charges and so the charges still stand. My attorney keeps getting my trial moved based on concluding the divorce hearing. But, even my attorney is a bit of a softy in this issue. I did not know him and I found out that he has mostly female clients and his entire staff are women. So, he is kind of a lady’s man himself. The accusations against me are false as all I ever tried to do was leave the house when her accusations would go on for hours. When we first met, she told me she rarely drank. I found alcohol hidden in various places throughout the house. Plus, she had been taking Xanax the night of her accident and had 4 glasses of wine to drink. I had been with her almost 2 years prior to the accident and I had no idea she had been taking Xanax the entire time. I didn’t find out until I read the medical records that showed she had Xanax in her system. I think Xanax was part of the reason for the abusive sociopathic episodes she would have that would go on until the wee hours of the mornings. She threatened me often. She threatened to tell my new manager that I was having affairs. She threatened to tell my children that I was a child pornographic addict and that I was bi-sexual. She did call my present manager a couple of days after I filed the EPO against her. She told her that I had repeatedly abused her. Fortunately for me, my manager (who is a happily married woman) and I get along very well. I had already told her a little about what was going on and told her that I had left my wife several days earlier. She loved to buy me things, but would then threaten to take them away if I tried to divorce her. I learned pretty early on to not let her pay for anything. Well, that wasn’t so good either, because then I was paying for everything. She could invent an argument in a second. She could divert the conversation away from herself in a second. She is a masterful manipulator. She has a very high IQ, I think. She was smarter than me, that is for sure. She sucked me right in and captured me. I was trapped in my own home. She would run in front of the car if I made it outside to leave. She would call 911 and tell them I’m beating her when I got to the door to leave and would then hang up if I stayed. There is so much more to this story that is still in progress. I am so disillusioned with myself for having chosen someone that is so much worse than my first wife. My young adult children are involved. She pretended to be one way with them, so they don’t know what I know about her. They have no idea how I was physically and emotionally abused and blackmailed. The last year or so we were together, she managed to win them over to her and starting telling them terrible lies about my supposed infidelity and being gay and other things. I drive 1 hour and 5 minutes one way to work each day. I work a 9/80 schedule, which means 8 days out of 9 I work a 10 hour day including lunch and then one 9 hour day. I have every other Friday off. My work required me to be away from home just over 12 hours a day, yet somehow, I was supposed to be having numerous affairs. She bough spyware and got my EIS number from my phone and tracked my GPS, text msgs, and phone calls with an online tracking service that is supposed to be for employers and parents to monitor their children. I would provide the name here, but I don’t want to assist anyone in using such vile software. She didn’t find out anything. She was so proud of using it to monitor me that she finally told
me about it and showed me the subscription receipt. I got a copy and gave to my attorney. He didn’t even bring it up in court. I found out she accused her first husband of being gay during their divorce. I am not gay. I’m not even bi. I don’t care if others are really, but it isn’t for me. I think abstinence is for me. For the rest of my life. I’m 59 years old and never been in any trouble in my life. My kids no longer talk to me or come see me. They’ve been told by my ex-wife that I abused them/molested them when they were little. She has done and said the most horrible things. I was at a point that suicide seemed the only way out for awhile. But, I got over that. She actually connected with my first wife and stayed with her after I filed for divorce because I got the house. They colluded against me and perpetuated the molestation thing. My 2nd wife tried to convince local authorities that I was a child molester, a purveyor of child pornography and has told my children all of this trashy rubbish. It has been the most horrible existence in my life. I would rather be married again to my first wife for 50 years than be married to this 2nd wife for 10 minutes. But, I never want to marry again. The thought sickens me. I choose abusive, sick women to be with. I fall in love with who they pretend to be and then they aren’t who they pretend to be. I don’t know why, but I sure as heck am not interested. I like having a companion, which is the codependent in me, I’m sure. There are many more things that have occurred. There is a great video by Roy Sheppard about dangerous women that is on YouTube. I am certain that my exwife has symptoms of narcissistic behavior and borderline personality disorder. Her mother had her in pageants as a child. She was gorgeous and her hair was always so very important to her. She is 1/4 American Indian and did have beautiful long black hair that everyone raved about. Her father was an alcoholic and got her mom pregnant with her when her mom was 14. Her mom had already had a child at the age of 12 by another man and the boy was given to her older sister to be raised as my ex-wife’s “cousin” even though he was really her half brother. Her father was abusive to her mother. Her mother and father are extremely religious now. I mean to a fault. They quote the Bible about every single thing and think that all their daughter needs is to get right with the Lord. It has turned me away from religion. It is sickening. Oh yes, after our separation, but before the divorce was finalized, my exwife got a DUI in the next county over. We moved in 2013 to another state for my work and so we are not known here. The local authorities have not arrested her on her EPO violations. I later found that she vandalized my satellite dish and stole some personal property when she was recorded breaking her EPO. I filed those charges against her, but she has never been served. When she got the DUI, she was arrested for DUI, open container, and 4 moving violations. She is on mugshots.com. She got off of all charges and moved back to her home state where we used to live. She still has 2 outstanding warrants for her arrest. These were outstanding when she stood in the county courthouse and stated that she didn’t want to drop my charges. She was in their courtroom and she wasn’t arrested. I called the sheriff to find out why. He was always out. I could tell he wasn’t by how the receptionist would ask me who was calling, what my business was and then turn around and muffle the phone or one time put it on hold and obviously spoke with the sheriff about it. Finally, one call, someone else answered (I’m not going to say who), but they told me that they didn’t want to have to deal with her and that was why she wasn’t being arrested. This is a violation of my rights. Anyway, there is so much more to this story. I hope that if anyone reading this has a partner that has done any similar things to them, they run like crazy to get away. Go see an attorney, make a plan for your best benefit financially, and get the heck out of there for your own safety and sanity.

I really wish no one has to live a nightmare like falling for a narcissist. After 10 years of relationship he has treated me like garbage, cheated on me more times that I can tell, 4-5 girls at the same time each of them believing he is the most wonderful guy ever and all of them believe they have a serious relationship with my narc. I’m the only one who knows his parents. Every time he cheats on me I’m the one who ends up apologizing and promising to be better. He has tried to kill me too. He asked me to film my mother naked to prove him my love, he is addicted to film all his sexual encounters and ask for naked pictures of countless girls, young, older, married, single, it doesn’t matter. He says he will never leave me because I’m the only one who truly loves him, one day he pretends to love me a couple of hours later he acts in the cruelest way possible towards me, and the when I’m crying he ask: what’s wrong with you? I got fired because I have a “problematic relationship” he has a lot of money but he always ask me to lend him something and of course I’ve never say no. I have lots of debts but it have never failed him. My life is a nightmare and I’m sure if he’ll exist the it has to be like my “fake Prince Charming relationship” I have no idea how to go no contact, each time I tried to he sends me messages saying I’m sleeping with somebody else and once he sent my pictures to my close friends. He has threated me to do something in my job or family. I just want this to end.

I am just entering my recovery period! Not exactly sure what that is going to bring, but I am hopeful that this is my new beginning. This is the first time I have opened up to what has been happening to me and finding it hard to put it into words, other than I broke down reading all your posts and realized I too have been around a narc.

I lost myself, my home, my businesses everything to this man, and sadly even though I had to take out a restraining order (No contact) he still is going through old business contacts to get his revenge.

There is so much inside me that this man did to me its overwhelming and dont know where to start, but reading your comments has helped me to understand that I am not alone and I am not crazy afterall, hopefully!

I intend to now start my recovery and realize that sharing it is a start and all your comments have helped me do that. So I thank you…

Dumped my narcissistic best friend…best thing I ever did! She was a nightmare. Although it was hard to detect her narcissism (we lived in different areas), it became apparent once we began to see each other more often. The more success I had, the more gaslighting, ignoring, lying, etc. behaviors she exposed. As my mom would have said, “Good riddens to bad rubbish!” – lol. Last vacation she was nothing but horrible, and kept trying to make me react to her infantile tactics. She knew I was done so she called me the day after vacation trying manipulate me. I let her think things were fine. A month later I unfriended her on FB, we don’t have any common friends, so it was quiet and over. No contact works like a charm! You will miss the chats, but you will realize the reality of this person. A year later, I don’t miss her at all! Set yourself free now!

I’m looking for advice on how to deal with a narcissist when you are divorced but still have children together.

I dated a narc for a year and a half. He discarded me even after I endured lying, flirting with other women in front of me all the time, texting other women (I have no doubt b/c he was always texting) emotional and verbal abuse from him and I found out he cheated on me with many women including seeing two other girls for 2-3 months behind my back. He blamed me for his all his actions including the break up even though he dumped me. He took me off of Facebook and other social media. I just couldn’t believe it. He actually feels justified in how he treated me, doesn’t think he did anything wrong, no responsibility and has no remorse. On top of that, he talked badly about me to his friends and family and told them I was crazy, clingy, emotional, etc. He even played the victim and acted angry and rude towards me which totally threw me off how HE could do that being that I was abused and I did nothing to him, in fact, he knows he got away with ALOT. Unfortunately, I had to work with him for a few months after the break up and my coworkers loved him and thought he was Mr. Wonderful. He played that up and rubbed it in my face. Well, the next girl he dated was the opposite of me in looks and personality. She was assertive and confident and apparently wouldn’t tolerate his bad behavior so I guess he was on his best behavior with her for at least a few months. After 5 months, she dumped him because she saw a suspicious text from another women and he was being disrespectful to her. I guess she couldn’t stop/prevent his bad behavior completely. What I don’t understand is, why was he calling her and trying to get her back and didn’t take her off of social media when she was the one who dumped him but when he got dumped he wanted nothing to do with me and demonized me after all I did for him? Was he just trying to smooth things over and get her back because of the damage to his ego? He doesn’t say anything bad about her.They have mutual friends and I heard that they are being cordial with each other when they and their mutual friends hang out together. It’s confusing to me because SHE dumped him and she is being treated better in the aftermath than I was. Please let me know why he would be acting much nicer with her while he was downright mean and cruel with me.

I didn’t go trough all the comments, but I am sure I am not the only case. I am gay and I have seen this bisexual guy for quite a while. sometimes is ones a week, sometimes I don’t see him for 3 weeks or even for a month. He is absolutely beautiful but hallow inside. I blocked him in my phone recently and he called today from another number, I was in shock, I had never hear his voice on the phone until today. He asked why I haven’t returned his messages, I could not come with a good answer at the moment.
He is very concerned about people finding out about his bisexual life style, that’s why he doesn’t play all those games that a “Regular” Narcissist plays, which is something on my favor.
I think my ego plays against his and I know this is a very dangerous game. I don’t ever contact him, he is the one who always proposes to get together. I just need to stay away from him.

Thanks for posting this, Kim! I left my narc ex for a month. I clearly do not want him back because after the break up, he sent me all kind of ugly emails and texts. He defamed me, treated me like a dirt, and is still trying hard to make contact with me, including sending untrue stories about me to others. What didn’t make sense to me at first was that – although it was very close to – he was so smart not to leave any hint or track of “blackmailing” or “threatening”, but he thought that degrading me with untrue stories over the Internet, to the people I knew and I didn’t know, would work. I had talked to a Dr because I was so helpless, and she said – altho he had never been diagnosed (maybe he had, I don’t know) as narc, that people with PD were not thinking the same as the rest of us. Also, after reading several articles including yours, altho I still not be able to fully understand a narc, I have a slight idea of what is in his mind. I am still stressed out by his harassment, not because I believe that I am low – his words won’t put me down after all – but he has tons of times to play this game and wouldn’t let go. I am following the NC advice the Dr and the expertise articles gave me. I will close down as many contacts as I can. Thanks for the advice of the “true NC”.

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Thanks for everyone for these posts. I am on a full month of NO CONTACT with this Monster!!! It is truly amazing how they are all the same. I was brain washed….I really wanted to believe his lies. I love the quote “How do you know a narcissist is lying to you?” HIS LIPS ARE MOVING. One day, after he pulled the disappearing act, sent me an email…”didn’t have wifi service in this remote area, I went to bed at 9pm…” that was the last and final lie. He I blocked him on ALL social media. He sent me a bullshit pink card for Valentine’s Day. I looked at his “disguised handwriting” with no return address. As I debated whether or not to open it…I got some much needed self discipline after not having many for 5 on and off years. Oh boy, the lies and seduction, and put downs….So, I SENT IT BACK TO HIM UNOPENED. AND FELT SUCH A RUSH OF LOVE…..FOR MYSELF!!!! YAY!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME! What a user, abuser, lying, emotionally impotent fraud…physically, too….food disorder…ocd, bad credit….sneaky, and emulated me to have people like him…I am kind, beautiful, smart. He destroyed his first wife….NOT gonna be me, though. He is 61, in the movie business, and over inflates his own importance. Hates “those entitled” bitches on the set…who are his bosses…pathetic pics of facebook of him and “his pals” movie stars, bragging that they were all flirting with him…..he is handsome and funny, but delusional….and pathetic on so many levels…thanks for this blog!!! I love all of it, Kim!

lived the same exact crap for five years , I knew he had other women but accepted him for who he was !! He told me he needed the thrill of seducing but does not go any further. crazy crazy I know !!! We broke up and got together at least twicw a year so I figured he can t move on he must really be my great LOVE ha ! I was at a very vulnerable time in my life and he took advantage of it.
Well now I have to ask you how do I make the break up no contact when I work with the guy? love my job don t want to quit.

Why does it take so long to finally just accept it won’t change!? Dear God I’m gonna need a miracle to get through this step of starting my whole life over. This is just Day one – “acceptance”. Day two is a terrifying thought. Days left living this current life thinking he will change – Beyond Terrifying.

My narcissist is such a good liar.He truly had me fooled for the last two years.He has betrayed me over and over and says things like” be my friend” ” I love you” ” we can work it out” now I find out he’s got a new source.some poor hairdresser he went to highschool with who must have been in love with him her whole life.if you know her her name is Leigh and she works at the whistle stop salon in new York.

Its been almost 2 weeks since I left and gone no contact. Im going through the text book emotions. The things that get to me the most are that I have started to doubt myself feeling like a failure in the relationship. Things like I should have tried harder or was it really my fault. Ive started to miss the good things. I have him blocked and stay away from the area where we lived. Im afraid, devastated and feel an empty void. When will this feeling start to ease? I read as much as I can on the subject and how to get through a break up. My Dr has me off work because of my mental health. I just dont know how to do this. I find myself looking at my phone all the time hoping he will call. My phone will block his call but still shows if he does. I attempted suicide back in September because of one of his silent treatments brought on by one of those out of the blue you did something wrong rages. I can never figure out what I did wrong. He was the king sitting on his throne and I was the 24/7 slave that did everything for him, and I mean everything. Please help me to get over him. Im so lost.

I wish I had found this blog back in May. No, I take that back. Years ago!

I was with a man for thirteen years who left eight times, always because I wasn’t good enough and didn’t make him happy enough. But he kept coming back within weeks and I kept letting him do it. The last time he left it was because I finally kicked him out. The ONE time I truly do that, he files for divorce. He got a new love interest like two months later after he stopped coming over to have sex with me. (Or at least he says two months after. His credit card bills said otherwise.) He has done everything in your blog: told me she was a model, a better mother than me, more physically fit than me, and that being with her was like an eye opener because she’s so much better, etc etc. Of course I let it tear me to pieces. Break my heart and trashy my dignity.

It took about six months total for me to stop being blinded by what I thought the relationship was and that need to be good enough for him. He is still in a relationship with the first woman he met and swears he is in Heaven. I personally think he is just thrilled he isn’t alone. Which is odd since I’ve been dating, but remain single and I’ve never been happier. Even the men I’ve only briefly dated seem to treat me more like a human. It’s crazy.

So to all the people out there going through this, keep going! Break off contact with the person and when you’re finished grieving, work on you! It gets better, it really does.

What an awesome post! I am saving and referring to this for strength! Thanks!

A friend of mine sent me your link. might of saved my life.
Thank god for friends and You.

The silent treatment is just starting…. I can tell. 2nd day in a row I haven’t got my morning text etc. And I just got on vacation with my family and all I can think about is him. I’m having a great time, but I look on fb to see if he’s on or if he liked a pic of mine and nothing like he used too. I was mad at him bc he said he was coming over then never contacted me saying he wasn’t….so he ignored me for a DAT and a half then said “you hate me” I go that’s all you’re going to say no apologize or phone call. He goes “at work” then I said OK well when you get off work call me and I will listen.Never got a phone call that night. The next day he sent a long text saying he’s sorry for not calling or apologizing he couldn’t bare to say again He couldn’t come over and he has strong feelings for me but doesn’t think its a good thing right now but he’s too selfish to let me go….so I took him back. And then I tried to end things with him bc I was sick of feeling upset and let down then I got weak and texted him. Now, I’m on vacation and can’t get him out of my head. And he knows exactly what he’s doing. Ugh I hate him. I know he’s a sick person and I should pray for him. I’m a 29 year beautiful smart women with no kids. I des

Thanks, I so needed to read this. Its been since the end of October we started talking and he was Mr.Nice guy from the beggining. I’m currently getting the silent treatment… And its killing me. I had a feeling for a bit that he may be narrissit, but then he wowed me back in. And now reading this explains him to a T. I saw him one day at a meeting and we kissed and I was a little upset BC he couldn’t come over so I said ugh, I hate you….he goes no you Dont. BC he knows whatever he does I will take him back. Not this time. I’m moving on. He was not on my ideal List

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Kristine hang in there dear! I’m going to pray you begin to see how wonderful you really are and this pain too shall pass….I also see myself in the words and emotions of these comments. I have felt like I have died a thousand deaths with the crush of each damaging comment from my Ex Narrisist husband! He made me feel like dirt. There is light and hope and healing on the other side of this pain. Your life is worth so much more! Indeed you were created for a reason, to thrive to live and be your best self…however long it takes for you to get there… Take your time… One day at a time!

God Bless you!!

I have been with my fiance/boyfriend for 5 years now and this article plus everyones’ comments are everything. I always “forget” what happened the next day because it is easier to do but I never forget. He does though! I have so much pain I am keeping inside that I really wish I could just be done with this life. I am not strong enough to move on. I am 30 and every single relationship I have ever been in has been described in this article. I know something is wrong with me, yes I am codependent. But I feel there is no hope for me because I know nothing else. Been to therapy (group and private), tried all different anti depressants for many years, talked about suicide with therapists, nothing helped ever… No family support either. I just wanted to write this and get it out. Not looking for anyone to feel sad for me or say I can be strong and get through it. Just feels good to write. I feel so alone.

Kim wow
I don’t even know where to begin.
This has been my life for almost 10 years.
My narcisistic ex husband used and abused and tortured me for years. In any way you can imagine. He raped me, cheated on me (multiple times),hit me,made me feel less than so much that I would blame myself and try to satisfy him thinking that I’d done something wrong and maybe if I was better he would love me.i finally decided I’d had enough and split up with him but he refused to leave the house. We have a daughter and that’s what he uses as his excuse to try and stay in my life. He cares nothing for her. When i first found out about his cheating and had solid proof he still denied it even with the other woman on the phone. He brought her into our home and bed by the way. At first when I was vulnerable and wondering what was wrong with me,he was ready to leave probably because as you stated he had something or someone lined up for his supply. He would say things like I will leave and put the tenancy in your name. He even cut off my supply to our money knowing I had no other way to get money to feed our daughter at one point. When I begged him to stay looking back now I should’ve stopped this a very long time ago. But I was a young vulnerable girl. I had noone and I have no family. He came back. This was in 2008 and I decided finally i was done with him in 2009. He refused to leave the house. Apparently this is his house too and he’s not going Anywhere. I couldn’t make him go because we had a joint tenancy which I am still trying to remove his name from.this person stayed and hovered over me even refusing to get out of the bedroom we shared because it was also him bedroom. I finally managed to get him out of the bedroom and the living room became his living space. I kept to myself as much as possible but he tried to invade my life as much as possible. I worked a lot and late too trying to take care of our daughter and in the mean time he was supposed to be caring for our daughter I can only imagine what he exposed her to.he would tell his possible new supplies that i was an incompetent mother and wife and that he is only staying in the home because if he left me I would prevent him from seeing his daughter. This is the same daughter that he would insult me in front of, call me worthless in front of our daughter and useless. He would tell the possible new supplies one thing and then tell me something else. When I cared about how he portrayed me I would go crazy thinking what is going on. These girls telling me how dare i threaten to keep his daughter from him? This narc ruined my life in so many ways at that time. Portrayed me to be the worst human being to his possible supplies and anyone that would listen.and they thought they were doing him a favour coming at me. At one point my lawyer advised me to put a lock on my bedroom door.this person refused to leave the house to prevent me from moving on. When he finally left and it was not his choice to but after he spent a week tormenting our daughter with questions about me and telling her that he’s angry with her for not answering him, leaving her crying her eyes out thinking she’s done something wrong and refusing to do her dinner I walked in after forgetting something to my child having a full blown panic attack. He was told to leave or the police would be called. I had a few friends with me at the time which helped. They took his keys and told him to leave. I was for once in over 8 years free. I could sleep right for the night. Still scared. He would call non stop and stalk my house. I got so scared i informed the police and he’s been arrested 2 times. The first time he admitted harassment and threatening and was cautioned. The second time he’s been arrested and is now bailed with conditions to not contact me.our daughter 7 and she refuses to see or talk to him and he is blaming me for this. Also to point out I have a narcisist for a mother. Was never in my life. Never raised me. Met her when I was 9 but wants alls he also physically abused for years after I met her. Was very around for long and whenever she was would beat the living shit out of me. She now wants the glory for who I have become. I believe that they are meeting up and discussing me. I refuse to have her in my or my daughters life also and she’s bitter. She is also an alcoholic.She seems to want to fix her mistakes through my daughter.
I am finally in a normal relationship and the narc went even crazier with the calls, texts and threats. The police didn’t help much because he’s pretending to contact me about our daughter when in actuality his contact has nothing to do with her. He has said things like all men are the same. Do you think your current boyfriend is better than me? All men cheat. You better take me back now or when you want me in the future it will be too late and I won’t want you. ? wow
He is constantly stalking my house late at night. And now his most recent action is to file a False claim against me in court. I haven’t spoke to this person in months but he’s made a claim that I threatened him that I would remove our daughter from the country permanently to another country. And that he’s very scared that I would do. Wow
And he was the one threatening to take our daughter away.The country he is talking about I have only ever been to for 3 months in my entire 29 years alive. I don’t know anyone there and never even intended to return for a holiday. And he knows this yet files an emergency prohibited steps order against me smdh I’m under so much stress its unbelievable.he is causing me overwhelming stress and it’s put Some strain on my relationship. I made sure that my boyrfiend always knew what he was doing. Because with narcs you wouldn’t believe what they do unless you see it for yourself. They are that unbelievably disgusting. My sick excuse for a mother was the one constantly telling me to let her take my child away for a few years. She apparently wants to raise my daughter for a Few years. Why would i do that. You never raised me, why would I let you take my daughter anywhere. I believe that she’s been giving him ideas.im so stressed and fed up. He want let me be.thus is the same woman who doubted me when i told her that my ex raped me.
I assumed that If he ever filed any cases against me it would be for visitation of his daughter but he knows what will come out in court if he did. She will tell them like she’s told me countless times that she doesn’t want to have any contact with him. So he files a bogus suit and I’m now waiting to try and get a lawyer as my case hearing is in a few days. I’m emotionally drained. On top of that he files only a week after our divorce was finalised smdh, says a lot really. He used to say things like I’m not giving you a divorce and then when he realised I wasn’t joking and that he would have to he would say things like I will remarry you someday smdh wow
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so overwhelmed with it all. He just wont let me live.my boyfriend has been really nice and it has gotten to him at times and we have had fights about it but we get through it. Sometimes feel like my boyfriend distances himself form the situation and I feel alone and it’s frustrating.i feel frustrated as I have no one. i sometimes find myself maybe picking at my boyfriends personality hoping that there are no traces of a narc there and truly there isn’t its just my fear of having had to dealt with and still having to deal with a narc for such a long time you want to be sure and you are constantly paranoid about propel turning tun to be like that.sorry for the essay but I have no one else to talk to. I also have a job interview which I have no confidence I will get. Hoping to but I don’t think I will get it. I’m just exhausted.

Hello Kim , I am grateful you have posted 7 Things ….. This has been extremely helpful as I’m desperately trying to let go of my 14 year marriage to the poster child of a Narissist . I’ve been beyond belief racking my brain as to what / why & how best to describe his behavior and emtional state as I’m perceiving it . Simply saying he’s an emtionaly abusive individual with manipulative controls over me and sprinkle in explosive fits of rage then a very eery calm states, then the whole pattern recycles it self …….. Well you get the idea . He is a 27 year member of our Armed Forces ( Army ) and while I’m proud of his service , it is one of the factors that has eroded our realationship. He is a weapons expert & training officer so I’ve been exposed to more threats & HUGE intimidating behavior no mortal should have to endure . Ty , Ty Ty

Reblogged this on BEEN TO HELL & BACK BECAUSE I FOUND THE EXITS and commented:
Reality is a bitch…..realizing you’ve been with a narcissist the whole time is a bitch-slap in the face.

I am still trying to figure out if I am with a Narc, the emotions are like being on a roller coaster ride, after 17 years of this I am starting to wonder, I really need someone to talk to, I have scheduled my first therapy session but it’s a month away! If I explained it on here it would be like writing a book, I feel like I want to be here, not because I am scared to be alone but because I do love my husband, but I love myself and I deserve to be respected. Anyone on here that has been with or thinks they are with a NARC please email me so we can talk, I know that talking helps. The latest argument we had last night, we were just having a general discussion about how he acts, I was told if I didn’t know it wouldn’t bother me??? I can also be found on FB Christy Kinsey, thanks!

Wonderfully written! I’ve bookmarked this for future reading should I ever find myself feeling fond toward him again. When I first left three weeks ago reading this would have had me sobbing. I actually laughed today reading through because not only is it so creepily spot on (and anytime I read on the subject certain things he’s said and done take on a whole new light lol) but it’s quite pitiful how transparent they are.

Thanks for the helpful post. I’ve been involved with a narcissist for the past three years. Looking back, I knew something wasn’t right from the beginning but I kept telling myself she was a good woman that makes mistakes but can be fixed. I caught her sending nude pics to men we work with, and found out she was sleeping with another woman at work as well. I’ve spent the last three years feeling like I was in a nightmare that I would never wake up from. She denied sending the pics to my coworkers(I was approached by a guy I worked with, and saw the pics myself.)
I was led to believe that I was a psycho for the last three years, that she was my savior and was going to rehabilitate me(The joke at work was that she was trying to domesticate me, I’ve always been a little odd and I have a strong belief in being dependent.)
It got to the point where I went to see a psychiatrist because I really did think I had gone bat shit insane, but I realized later that I wouldn’t have gone from a healthy happy person to a depressed confused man in such a short period of time.
It’s going to be awkward working with her, she’s dating another man I work with. If it weren’t for other coworkers telling me they saw the change in me, and they were worried about my health I probably would never have gotten away.
Thanks for the blog, it’s helped tremendously.

Reblogged this on afterthepsychopath and commented:
From the perspective of a narcissist…

Thanks so much for this I am 6 weeks out of a 12 month relationship with a narc man, omg I am still reeling from a year of sheer drama , everything from his estranged wife and her new partner hammering the door down wanting to know where her son was as narc ex hadn’t taken him home after a piano lesson and he hadn’t said a word to me about it…. he provoked me when he was bored until I exploded ….. he used other females to provoke me, I thought I was going mental …..

I have had the silent treatment for weeks then out if the blue he sent me a text asking if there was any mail for him , I replied to the text with a yes , he was at my house within 15 mins …. stood in my house looking very sorry for his self , then told me he hadn’t time to contact me because of his Important job ( yawn).

I was given no explanation for his hasty beparture from my home at the time but was expecting it and I had seen enough of his weird lifestyle….. 6 addresses in 18 months and the fact he carted all his crap around with him in his car as if he was attached to it to the point he had to have it with him.

He also brought furniture while with me and did some jobs but they where for his benefit , like boarding the loft to store his. Crap, his 11 year old son is very screwed up, lives in an ex box world and all the time he spent here was in the bedroom …. poor child’s going to grow up like his father sadly…. he has no friends and is very emotional .

I did tell him what I thought of him on Wednesday when he collected the mail so his little boy lost routine was wasted on me , he has 3 push bikes to collect today and that’s it the contact stops I told him I wanted him out if my life fully and asked him to not contact me again .

All in all he is full of shit and when he said ” your to good for me ” I said .I know I am”
I know his games of old and am enjoying single life and enjoying flirting online knowing he watches , as it was mentioned by him ,

One thing I sm curious about is he said he wanted me to find a boyfriend, to which I replied I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone yet… if I did meet someone is there a chance he may try the ” old friends” routine and re appear if he found out to try to cause friction , he was instrumental in splitting up his estranged wife and her partner up in January his year ?

Kim, can you help with a divorced ex with whom I have 2 daughters with? He manipulates them and controls and lies to them for his own benefit. He ignores their feelings. Their ages are 8.5 and almost 6. I am trying to teach the girls to be strong and not to allow bullying but I need some advise and assistance on this. Can you help? Thanks, 🙂

Get a tape recorder and start recording conversations. You have to be real careful and keep it hidden. Record one of your “conversations” and when he says he didn’t say what you KNOW he said, play the recording back. I got a small one and record our conversations. the one time he went ballistic, I didn’t record him!

I have become fast friends with my former narcissist’s latest victim. This post is amazing & hits it spot on!! I’ve already sent her the link because her muck is much more recent than mine!

For the first time ever I can see my adult son as a narcissist. I recognise the above behaviour in his actions towards my ex daughter in law. So far I have only been dealing with the fact my Mother is the narcissist. What an eye opener. Now I know why he has nothing to do with me. Rejection truly is God’s protection.

[…] ← 7 Things Your Narcissist Won’t Tell You Jul 3 2014 […]

Brilliant! Grand slam! It helps to picture this coming straight from his mouth! Oh, how it helps!! Thank you!!!

Sent from my iPhone

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No contact!

OMG–I just read all about my life over the last 14 years! The narc dumped me 2 months ago and moved in with his affair partner. And you are right………he totally set it up where he stayed with me until she was ready to be used. Yep–she got divorced because of the narc–little does she know! He was a complete coward…moved out while I was at work and left me a letter on the kitchen table!

Thank you Kim for everything you have written about narcissists. It has helped me with the process of healing from this sick relationship. And the reason I stayed………….a fear of being alone. Not anymore….I’m glad he’s gone and off using someone else until he gets sick of her!

Thank you, Kim This post is a keeper. I’m getting the silent treatment right now from my narcissist boyfriend for complaining about a rude comment he made in front of me that he claims he didn’t make. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn’t do it and found it “interesting” and “fascinating” how I was trying to pick a fight. I know I heard what I heard. All part of the confusing web they weave. I’m stuck doubting myself and getting the silent treatment to boot. However, your posts give me strength to believe in myself and help reinforce the fact that the nice guy I see every now and then will always eventually turn ugly as he has so many times before. Kindest regards to you for trying to educate and help others who have suffered as we have.

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing this.

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