emotional abuse recovery ideas

Create a New Reality – Daily Recovery Ideas

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emotional abuse recovery ideas

Did you wake up this morning feeling like you just wanted to stay in bed?  Maybe you’re reading this post from your iPhone…still in your pajamas and contemplating whether you need to eat today or not.

But, did you know that when you sit alone with your obsession and rumination, they only get worse?

Do you need to grieve?  Yes.  Are you entitled to feel unhappy?  Yes.  However, unless you make the conscious effort to break the cycle, you may find yourself five years from now doing this same thing on a similar morning.

Why not make the commitment to do one thing today that is out of the norm?  It doesn’t have to be anything grand or expensive.  Just take a break from the computer or iPad, leave the forums, and shake things up a bit.

Here are some daily recovery ideas to help you change the cycle of heartbreak and negative thinking:

  • Put your hair into a messy ponytail, throw on the sunglasses, and go for a short drive.  Stay out of the inner city (unless you get your energy from crowds).  If you can, drive along a parkway or near a body of water.  You don’t need to get out of your vehicle unless you want to.  Getting out into nature heals us on many levels, both cognitively and subconsciously.  Staying in your home day after day will only lead to further depression, which may later manifest into sickness or disease.
  • Open a window, light a candle and do a meditation.  
  • Go to the store and get all the ingredients for a banana split.  Go back home and celebrate your sweet tooth.  I wouldn’t recommend doing this every day, but the act of making a banana split or ice-cream sundae speaks to levels of the subconscious that stir happy memories.
  • Did you have a hobby before the Narcissist?  Did you paint, write, restore old furniture, take dance classes, or make dream catchers?  Guess what?  There’s no better day than today to get back into doing that thing which feeds your soul.
  • Have any old favorite Disney movies?  Plan a Disney movie-thon.  This would be especially great if you have children.  Cinderella, Snow White, Bambi, Fantasia, Pop-Eye…and popcorn.
  • On that note, if you have young children, coloring is a great stress reliever.  Let yourself get lost in coloring for a few hours.  It also appeals to your Inner Child 🙂
  • If your grandparents are still living, go visit them.  Take them a meal or dessert.  Acts of kindness are proven to help one recover from grief.
  • Visit a pet store or a local zoo.  Time with animals is healing…and they don’t judge.  You might even venture to share your situation with a horse, monkey, or prairie dog.  At least you won’t get any “I told you so” remarks.

Forums and discussion boards are great for learning about Narcissism, but make sure you’re taking care of your soul in-between.

**After you’ve accomplished an act of recovery today, check back here and tell us all about it!

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StrongerSoulSurvivor says May 4, 2014

This is great. When I first left my abusive, stalking ex I was too frightened to leave the house. But then I found joy in being able to do the simple things, like:
* Reading in bed (my favourite luxury, and nobody to stop me)
* Going out – even just to the shops – without fear of being deluged with phonecalls and the inevitable interrogation about where I had REALLY been.

Elisabeth says May 4, 2014

Sorry the word discussion have to be decision. Thanks

Elisabeth says May 4, 2014

I live in Holland so I read your post in the evening. Every morning I wake up feeling sick in my stomach. I left, one year ago, from a relationship of 31 years. I force myself to get up, eat, read the newspaper, bring my grandchild to school and do something with a friend. In the afternoon and evening I feel okay. On Saturday and Sunday it’s different. So that are the most difficult days of the week.
Everything I read on your blog is like it is about my life.
You have to do a great part of your own, but you also need friends. I don’t think I will ever understand the narcissist I have for 31 years in my life. I discovered he was one just a year ago. The website I read said the best way to do is to leave. It was not my heart who made the discussion, but my mind. That’s why I wake up every day, sick in my stomach, wondering why I didn’t see it before and why he didn’t do a thing to get things better. Why we couldn’t get old together. That was the goal I was going for. Getting old, healthy and happy. It breaks my heart.

    jenna says May 6, 2014

    Elisabeth…I have probs every single day as well. I left 8 months ago & I cant get him out of my head. We had so many plans. So many dreams. So it was all lie? I think mine wanted/wants to kill me. I believe he is/has been prepping his alibi in my apparent “suicide”. He writes me all the time telling me how violent I am. ad how violent I am to myself. Which was true at one time. I didn’t care if he killed me anymore. I gave myself black eyes, I cut myself, I was going crazy, I did things I would NEVER do because I hated myself. I hated him but I still loved him. My heart and head had to agree before I left so that I didnt go back. And I wont, but that doesn’t mean I dont obsess.about him/us every day and ask all the “whys”. I will never know why other than he is a narcissist. I didn’t know what one was either until we fought and I noticed these things and called him out on it (bad idea btw)-Dictator, egotistical, controller, god, macho man…ect… Then I looked up “narcissist” and omg! I remember him telling me I don’t even know how to spell narcissist. I need help. I need healing big time. and nobody in my life can even come close to understanding what I went thru. They just ask…why didn’t I leave sooner. Im a tough lady. I don’t take sh*t. So nobody recognized who I was anymore (besides a doormat). Its affected me SO MUCH more than I originally thought. I am also bipolar so I am subject to depression easily anyways. I already take meds. But here I am. Suffering every day. Still. When will it stop? How do I stop loving him? How do I really realize he truly is incapable of loving me and treating me right. Idk..I need help with the “no contact” as well. 🙁

      Kim Saeed says May 10, 2014


      You mentioned you are taking meds for Bipolar Disorder, but have you been seeing a therapist to help you manage your emotions?

      I’m not a therapist, so I wouldn’t be able to help you with your depression, but I could help you with No Contact. I am running a special through Sunday, but I offer a free 20-minute consultation to see if coaching would help you.



bethbyrnes says May 3, 2014

Such great ideas, Kim. Whenever I need a change of pace, I find just taking a day trip feels like I have been on vacation for a week. Coloring is so therapeutic too — I often have adults draw and color when I am working with them. Just having the crayons in one’s hands brings back happy memories — especially the jumbo box with a new shiny pointed array.

KarinKateriKei says May 3, 2014

I went to an open house for a new (Narc taint-free) apartment and I bought a pair flowery rainboots while I was outside 🙂

    Kim Saeed says May 3, 2014

    Woo Hoo! You know, that’s actually a very good idea…to leave a once-shared residence. It probably harbors lots of negative energy in there…If you decide to stay, make sure you do some smudging…

    I’ll bet you are too cute in those flowery rainboots! 🙂

      KarinKateriKei says May 4, 2014

      It’s amazing what a positive boost just thinking about it has. I agree completely, a new place with none of that negativity will do wonders. And… the boots are adorable! It doesn’t take much to make me happy, just rainboots that look like floral Dr. Maartens 🙂

happinessweekly says May 3, 2014

Another great post! I love it!!! Kind of reminds me of a book I read recently – God on a Harley. Your nature recommendation is one of the first tactics that was recommended to me – I think I was told to walk along a beach. My narc was a skipper so wasn’t really up for water. Instead I chose to go sit in the botanical gardens – for what could’ve been a day in bed going nowhere, it ended up being one of the better days in my healing journey so far 🙂

    Kim Saeed says May 3, 2014

    Yay! Thanks for sharing that, Happiness!

    Solitude in nature has always been very healing for me, too. And I’ll have to check out that book 🙂 Sounds intriguing…

Anon says May 3, 2014

Another fantastic post, Kim! You truly are so gifted. So, coming from the girl on her iPhone still in her pajamas 😉 I will make sure to take your wonderful advice today!

    Kim Saeed says May 3, 2014

    Ha ha! Great goal for today, Anon! Anxious to find out what you get yourself into 🙂

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