narcissists are traitors

What Does The Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior? Part 3 – Traitors

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** Written by The Roadshow for Therapists

PEOPLE WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES

Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy (2 Timothy 3:1-7) in the fall of A.D.67.  Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to beware of those who act out of a “self love attitude”.  He says, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come.  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.  And from such people turn away.”  Here Paul names many of the attributes associated (in psychology) today with the narcissistic personality we are all becoming so familiar with.

Contrasting the Bible with Psychology:

Let us take a few moments to contrast and compare what St.Paul says to Timothy two thousand years ago with today’s psychological understanding of what narcissism is:

St. Paul says: Traitors

Psychology says:  A traitor is one who betrays another’s trust.  So in what way does a narcissist betray trust? Narcissists are not interested in authentic relationships, that is why they betray people constantly.  However, they do need people to boost their fragile ego, that is why they are always on the look out for their narcissistic supply.  Once a narcissist identifies a person as their potential supply, they will be stalked as prey by their predator.

Once the hunt commences, then every trick at seduction will be engaged until the person is truly hooked.  Once a victim is hooked they are seen as fair game for total exploitation.  Phase one is called the initial “Idealization Stage”, the narcissist puts on their “best face” in order to mold their victim into a symbiotic relationship with them as their narcissistic supply.  If their potential prey is part of a group, they will target them in such a way until they manage to separate them from all protective friends.  

For a while, the narcissist will shower them with attention in their bid to glean all knowledge about them, their value system, their vulnerability, their interests, their needs, and wants.  They will then feign those same common interests in such a way that the unsuspecting victim believes that they have found their soul-mate, someone who understands them fully.  The victim mistakes what is happening in the relationship as a friendship, rather than being a victim who is being used to provide the narcissist with something that they lack.

When the narcissist has what they want, they will move into The Devaluation Stage: Almost overnight the narcissist becomes decisively cold and uncaring. The victim’s fall from grace is a hard one, they cannot seem to do anything right anymore; the narcissist’s loving words turn to criticism, everything the victim tries ends in a negative effect, and they find themselves devalued at every turn. Totally confused, the victim has no idea what is happening, and they become increasingly stressed, unhappy and depressed with the situation. The narcissist’s “gaslighting behavior” has reached its peak, and they despise who their supply person has become (weak and worthlessly inferior).

Having been devoured, the victim’s utility is exhausted, and the game enters into The Discarding Phase: Once this happens, the narcissist’s ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over and they go in for the kill without any remorse. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship.  It is this behavior of setting out to find a victim to use, abuse, then annihilate that makes the narcissist such a traitor.

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11 comments
Graham says April 18, 2022

During my search for explanations regarding my partner’s behaviour I stumbled across the Jezebel Spirit, and it seemed to describe very closely what I was seeing, I believe she was under the influence of the Jezebel Spirit …

Thank you for your work Kim 😊

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Melanie says April 17, 2022

On the topic of forgiveness, I wanted to share the bible passage that helped me to finally give up and walk away, knowing that I had done all I could, actually more than I should have. I had found myself pleading with the narcissist to help me work on and fix the relationship, while secretly desiring that he would sincerely apologize and give me reassurance of his love and devotion- those were two things that I would not even speak of because I wanted it to be genuine or at least not something I had mentioned that he decided to run with if it ever happened. Nothing even remotely similar to such things ever happened and it became very clear that he had no regret, no remorse, no repentance and no desire for reconciliation. It helped me to see that forgiveness and desperately seeking reconciliation were not requirements in this situation. I only wish it had struck me three years sooner, but better late than never.

This passage was not new to me, but I suddenly understood it, it had great relevance and much more meaning than ever before. It is followed by another passage (Matthew 18: 18-20 & 21-35) where Jesus speaks of forgiving others, of having mercy on those who seek it, those who wish to be reconciled. It is rather long so I haven”t included it. But it seems clear to me that between these two passages mercy, forgiveness, and reconciliation are reserved for those who have wronged us and are seeking those things from us, the ones they have wronged.

We waste our time preemptively seeking to give those very things to a creature who does not want any of it because their only true desire is to destroy us.

Matthew 18:15-17
If Your Brother Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

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Karen says April 17, 2022

Happy Easter and Thank you for sending these articles for me to read.
God Bless

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Shirley Akpelu says May 13, 2018

I love these articles about narcissism in the Bible, part 1, 2, and 3 so far. It seems plain as day to me now. Spiritual abuse is rampart by these hypocrites who use the Bible to control, manipulate and dominate people. We are living in perilous times. There is so much selfishness and deceit going on in the name of The Almighty and His Word. Thanks for sharing.

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Tracy Woodruff says September 3, 2017

Thank you much for opening up my understanding.

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    Kim Saeed says September 3, 2017

    My pleasure, Tracy! Thank you for stopping by.

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
idiotwriter says October 20, 2013

Fabulous article again..you are a blessing.

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    Kim Raya says October 20, 2013

    Thank you 🙂 That means a lot…

    Reply
      idiotwriter says October 20, 2013

      🙂

      Reply
navigator1965 says October 20, 2013

I think the idea of considering scripture from the perspective of narcissism is simply brilliant. This would not be apparent t those who have not had the misfortune of being with a narcissist.

Reply
    Kim Raya says October 20, 2013

    Thank you for your kind words. I hope that by creating awareness, more people can be supportive to those within the lonely world of Narcissistic abuse.

    Reply
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