Dealing with a narcissist often involves navigating a web of lies spun effortlessly by their self-centered nature. The unfortunate reality of narcissists lies in their innate ability to weave a tapestry of falsehoods, effortlessly leaving those in their orbit ensnared in a web of deception.
Like skilled puppeteers, the narcissist lies to control you, manipulate your reality to suit their self-centered desires, and to leave a trail of confusion, hurt, and broken trust. In this article, we delve into how and why the narcissist lies to control you, examining the reasons behind their deceitful behavior.
But before we unveil the short list of common lies, it’s crucial to understand the motivations behind a narcissist’s deceit. Rooted in their self-centered nature and destructive tendencies, these individuals lie for various reasons, each driven by a relentless pursuit of control, validation, and the maintenance of a false image.
Selfish and Destructive Reasons Why Narcissists Lie
1 – Maintaining a False Image: Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and seek admiration from others. They may lie to create or uphold a false image of themselves that aligns with their grandiose self-perception. By exaggerating their achievements, talents, or qualities, they aim to manipulate others into viewing them favorably and maintaining their desired status.
2 – Manipulating and Controlling Others: Narcissists have a strong desire for control and power over those around them. They lie as a means of manipulating others and bending them to their will. By distorting the truth or presenting false information, they can influence people’s perceptions, decisions, and actions to suit their own agendas.
3 – Avoiding Accountability: Narcissists refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Lying is a way for them to deflect blame, shift responsibility onto others, or create plausible deniability. By distorting the truth, they can escape accountability.
4 – Seeking Validation and Attention: Narcissists crave constant validation and attention from others to maintain their delusional self-aggrandizement. They may lie to elicit admiration, sympathy, or praise, as these affirmations feed their narcissistic supply. By fabricating stories or exaggerating their experiences, they can capture the attention and validation they desire, even at the expense of others’ trust.
5 – Maintaining Superiority and Control: Narcissists view themselves as superior to others and seek to maintain this perceived superiority. Lying can be a tool for them to assert dominance, undermine others’ credibility, or devalue their achievements. By distorting the truth or spreading false information, they can reinforce their self-perceived superiority and maintain a sense of control over those around them.
Wondering if your significant other could be a narcissist? Read the following list of their favorite lies to determine if they fit the mould.
- “I can’t imagine my life without you.” (or, “I’ve grown so attached to you”, “You’re in my blood”) – Sadly, victims of narcissistic abuse believe their partner really cares about them when hearing this. The truth is, when the narcissist says this, it doesn’t mean they love you (they don’t know that emotion). It only means you’ve been a pawn in their deceptive lies, and it will take them too much time and effort to find a suitable replacement. The other candidates caught on to the game and left the narcissist high and dry. If you meant so much to them, then why the adulterous affairs…why the manipulation? Pay attention to actions, not words.
- Did you just see them take your money off of the dresser and put it in their wallet? “Didn’t happen”. When confronted, they have a convenient response, “I was just checking for my _______ (receipt, card, license, fill in the blank). I didn’t see your money. You must have put it somewhere else”. This is not only a lie constructed to keep your money; it’s also a form of gaslighting, an abuse tactic they employ to keep you unsure of yourself. Rest assured, they are likely telling your friends and acquaintances that you’re losing your mind, perhaps bringing up the event during a social gathering. They never miss a chance to lay the groundwork.
- “Everyone kept telling me about you, but I didn’t want to believe them”. – This lie has several purposes. First, to make you believe the narcissist is the only one on your side (so you’ll blindly put your faith in them). Secondly, to make you lose faith in yourself as a human being. Third, so you will systematically withdraw from your friends and acquaintances so that the only person in your life (and thus, your only influence) will be the narcissist.
- “You’re the only person who misunderstands me” – This is a sub-tactic of the gaslighting technique. It is usually combined with, “I didn’t say that”, “You misunderstood me”, “You’re too sensitive”, “I didn’t mean it like that”…when, in fact, they very well meant it like that. The narcissist does this in order to control your emotions and behavior. Over time, they plant seeds of doubt in your mind about the validity of your own feelings and perceptions. Eventually, most victims stop trusting their own judgment and begin to accept whatever the narcissist says as the truth, which leads you (the victim) to become confused and compliant.
- “You are choosing to feel bad about what I did or said”. – They’ve just told you that they didn’t buy that house or that car you looked at together because you’re not a good or decent person. When you naturally feel saddened and hurt by their comment, it’s suddenly your fault, not theirs. This allows the narcissist to take no responsibility for their hurtful comments and simultaneously put the blame back on you. By the way, you’re not “choosing” to feel hurt; it is a natural response to cruelty.
- The Unnecessary Lie – This lie is in a category all its own. Often, narcissists lie for no reason. When you find your partner doing this, even when you can disprove it, it’s because their lying has become pathological. They simply don’t know how to tell the truth about anything anymore.
If you find your partner taking part in these disdainful behaviors, you should consider leaving the relationship. As we explore the intricate world of narcissists and their propensity for deception, it becomes evident that staying entangled in their web can have profound and lasting effects on your well-being. I can tell you from my own experience, and that of the many clients I’ve worked with, that staying with a narcissist will only destroy you. They not only destroy your ability to function normally; chronic, long-term abuse leads to physical diseases such as adrenal fatigue.
Do yourself a favor, turn your love and caring onto yourself, and start planning your exit strategy.
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