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Kim Saeed:  Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program
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can narcissism be cured

Can Narcissism Be Cured? Too Many Tricksters Are Providing False Claims

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Can narcissism be cured?

Better yet, can a person’s love cure the narcissist?

It’s an interesting and tantalizing question. Can there be a cure to the absurd and devastating insanity so many partners and their families experience?

A cure sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? So promising and so beautiful. With just X, Y, and Z, you can save your marriage!

By golly, you can simply change the way you approach things and – like magic – make the narcissist “bring the tenderness, thoughtfulness, and admiration that every partner craves and deserves!”

Simply follow a magical roadmap and become the adored partner that you’ve been dreaming of!  You can rebuild your sanity, and the narcissism just melts away- like a distant memory.  Even more, you can become “ridiculously happy” in the process!

Let’s Slow Down

Let’s talk about the general landscape of mental health for a moment. Have we ever found a cure for depression? For addiction? For eating disorders? Have we located a complete treatment for anxiety or complex trauma?

The answer is no.  No reputable mental health professional would ever cite that there is a cure. Management, maybe. But a complete cure? Not a chance.

A cure is a lofty promise built on dangerous and false hope. It’s a promise that maintains people in sickness, holds marriages toxic, and keeps families dysfunctional.

Mental health doesn’t operate on a problem-cure basis. Mental health lies on a continuum of ebbs and flows. A cure doesn’t exist because a singular reason for mental health problems doesn’t exist, either.

Furthermore, personality disorders, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are notoriously challenging to treat. That’s because personality disorders encompass deeply ingrained, inappropriate behavioral patterns that often stem in childhood or adolescence.

Can Narcissism Be Cured?

This is not meant to be entirely dismissive. People can change- when they want to change. They can change when they are willing and desperate and hungry to do the work to change.

That said, this change requires multidimensional work. It requires an honest examination of self, of internal flaws, and of how individual behavior impacts other people. It also requires tremendous time, patience, and diligence.

Do you honestly believe the narcissist in your life can do that? Beyond their manipulation of telling you that they’re going to change for the thousandth time?

For one, most narcissists do not identify with having any valid problems. Instead, they interpret the rest of the world as problematic. Other people have the issues, and the narcissist becomes a victim to those alleged issues.

At some point, narcissists may become aware of their deceptive and manipulative tactics. However, unlike most people, instead of becoming embarrassed or ashamed of their behaviors, they react with indifference.

The mindset is along the lines of, why should I need to focus on self-improvement? If the world wasn’t so incompetent, if YOU weren’t so X, Y, or Z, I wouldn’t need to do resort to those tactics.

Are Change And Recovery Possible?

These are tricky questions. Most well-intentioned targets of narcissistic abuse desperately want to believe that their loved one can heal. They want to save their relationship and their family.

And this is not to say change isn’t possible. But it’s like holding onto hope that an abusive batterer will stop hitting his or her spouse.

Yes, there exists a rare possibility. But we would never advocate that a spouse “stick it out” in the hopes that the situation changes.

Instead, we would direct this spouse to crisis hotlines and shelters. We would talk about safety plans and coping skills for leaving. We would never encourage one waits it out to see if things change.

Realistically, we know that they won’t.

Even with therapy available, most narcissists won’t seek sustainable treatment. Sure, they may agree to a session or two. Often, this is out of perceived obligation or as an attempt to “dazzle” the professional with their twisted ways.

In fact, therapy can be a fantastic resource to continuously flatter a narcissist’s ego- especially if he or she can lie and manipulate the clinician (which many can).

Remember that narcissists don’t believe they need to change. Instead, they believe the world around them needs to change.

Tricksters And Their False Claims

Googling ‘cure for Narcissistic personality disorder’ displays 735,000 results. As society becomes more aware of narcissism and its devastating impact, this number will continue to climb. This notion of a cure is a toxic rabbit hole.

Many “online sensations” capitalize on the vulnerability of mental health by offering false claims of so-called cures. They offer expensive courses and fancy “premium secrets” promising the answer to all your problems.

These promises are not only a waste of your time and money. They can wreak havoc on your emotional well-being. They can create unfair expectations and crashing disappointment when those expectations (inevitably) don’t get met.

Don’t put your faith in an online sensation because they have 100k followers or call themselves an expert.  Don’t listen when they say their spouse changed back into a loving person by following some roadmap or because they claim they’re a reformed narcissist (and that your narcissist can heal, too, if you just get them enrolled in ABC program!)

If you’re still asking, can narcissism be cured, it’s time to stop focusing on changing the narcissist and instead focus on your narcissistic abuse recovery.  Seeking your own growth and freedom is the closest semblance to a cure you’ll find from this hellish nightmare.

The road to recovery and freedom starts with a single step.  

Copyright 2019 Kim Saeed


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Leave a Comment:

29 comments
Fellowsurvivor says April 7, 2019

Yes, the narcissists can change. They can change their cloths, their hairstyle, their jobs, even their spouses or significant others, but they can’t change who and what they are.

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Matteo says April 5, 2019

my mother and brother died because of this Beast. After a orrible Life. and I stay away only not to burn him with terrible sufferings …. he must rot in hell.

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Lisa says April 5, 2019

Sadly they cannot be cured. I tried leading by example but it made no difference. In his eyes his only he was logical. The day I decided to leave was the day I realised the only change I’d see was one of increased escalation of poor behaviour. Only advice – get the hell out!

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Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

Kim really has a firm grasp on the disorder. And she is a godsend to the world. Thank you for being there. Please keep writing and exploring and sharing what you learn. And Thank You so much the validation saves lives. John D

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    Kim Saeed says April 12, 2019

    Thank you so much for your kind praise, Dr. Dempsey. It truly means a lot.

    Kim XoXo

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Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

She is 50 plus years being and homicidal sociopath. Her father is a 75 y.o. life long criminal sociopath and he grandmother – a sole daughter, oddly, shipped off (alone) to “America” from a prominent Italian family 60 years before that. This deadly disordered is carry as a curse. Like sickle cell anemia. Only the searing burning pain of sickle cell ripping through the bones of your body while you live. Is a pail in comparison to the mental multigenerational pain of “Covert Malignant Narcistic ASPD coupled with Historic complications No, they think it is the world that is beneath them. “We” are the problem – to these inhuman monsters. They are freakish anomalies of the human spirit/condition and give the word “Demons” credence in this world for a reason. There is NO cure. It is terminal. Prison institutions – Lock away. From harming society. Think Joeseph Stalin 60 million people killed = Sociopath. No Cure.

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Teresa says April 4, 2019

After 18 years with a Covert narcissist I believe they can never change! How can someone change if they see nothing wrong with their actions!?

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Elizabeth Aldam says January 7, 2019

I believe you are right.To speak of a “cure” is like asking the sun to rise on the West…it just does not happen that way.

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Mary says January 4, 2019

No I do not believe narcissists can change after many years of every approach possible including kindness understanding and making excuses for bad behavior I firmly believe there is as some evidence shows a depletion of grey matter in the emotional section of the brain. Too much energy wasted I never actually being loved back. I think anyone who disagree with those statements that it can be cured by changing your approach

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Brenda Barton says January 4, 2019

Whenever I hear anything about anyone becoming cured of Narcissism I am extremely sceptical and usually don’t believe it. period. For the main reason is the way that they see themselves and others. The one I dealt with saw himself as supperior , smarter, ect to other people in everyway. Why would he want to change when to him someone else was always (and I do mean ALWAYS ) to blame. Everyone else, the rest of us were incompitant idiots. and he sought out and exploited are mistaies and weaknesses therefore feeding his delusion of superiority. Everything he did was rationalized, minimized, justified, blamed or straight up denied. Why would he even want to try to change?

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Christine Coupland says January 4, 2019

If the cure is a lobotamy….. I could buy into that. :/

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Shirley says January 3, 2019

Can a leopard change his spots? Can a Nubian change his skin color? I think not. Neither can satan cast out satan. Light and darkness cannot dwell together. He has a choice, yes, but has not changed in 30 years. I will not hold my breath. Love is supposed to get better in time not worse! Good riddance, demon! Shalom, wealth, health, restoration, recovery and healing will be ours (me and our son). We are learning from this hellish experience. We are repenting. We are growing and changing. Thanks for this article Kim. We need to know how our enemy operates.

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Judith says January 3, 2019

Hi,
I was a vulnerable n, who loves learning… I started by looking at alcoholics in my family…then stastar using the 12 steps program of AA to walk through that stuff… I was blessed to be able to get to a recovery hospital…where I met agape or unconditional love!!!…. I was terrified, and was released then… But invited back…
However when I accepted the feeling of love, I found it became the base of further recovery!!! It & God have supported me through lots of recovery. Eventually the gaps between issues get longer as we deal with issues and don’t react as much!!!

Hope that helps others too.
Nanajude

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Savitree Surjoopersad says January 3, 2019

This article provides a fantastic insight about how Narcissisism cannot be cured. Rightly said it takes diligence and willingness to possibly for these kind of people to “to invent empathy and self awareness” only if they start to think the world and everyone not tonne blamed which is never going to happen. They are disconnected from reality so it’s a vicious circle.
Good read
Thanx Kim

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Sara says January 3, 2019

Spot on! While I still believe anyone can change it is only after I have been in intense psychotherapy for a year and a half, gone to my support group, enlisted the aid of this website and given all of the above, everything I have within me with God’s help to heal myself am I enjoying a much happier and fulfilling life. In one sense, I had no chioce but to choose narcissistic partners having been raised by one. It is my understanding narcissists do not experience their emotional world like others. God Bless them. That being the case, my worst, most painful day of despair that motivated me to change would not register with enough intensity to cause a person with NPD to get busy to find out Why and change. I have a compassion for them for this. I am grateful I didn’t have to start at a beginning that involved that much basic reconstruction of my emotional being. I understand that enough to know why the chances of an NPD becoming involved in their own transformation is very unlikely. My journey has had moments of terror on the way to learning my truths. They live in terror most every minute. Trying to help them is akin to trying to save a drowning alligator. They require a tough love only a professional could tackle IF the NPD could even show up. I can honestly say I love the narcissist’s who have been in my life and a few who still are. I have no expectations, I accept how they are and they are not allowed into my sacred space. God Bless us all on our journey to wholeness.

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June McLane says January 3, 2019

I’m still here. Thank you.

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Michelle Masters says January 3, 2019

The basis of the disorder stems from an inability to perceive any wrongdoing on their part. This fact alone precludes any hope of real or lasting change

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    Kevin says July 26, 2019

    No, it’s not that they don’t think anything they do is wrong. They know right from wrong. They just don’t care. They like the feeling of power, of causing you fear, of thinking they are smarter, superior. Otherwise they have to admit the truth to themselves, which is they’re not better, smarter, or superior to anyone. Anyone can change: if they WANT to! It takes work, discipline, patience. Malignant Narcissists DON’T want to put in the work. They like the power and control they get from their twisted behavior. Make no mistake, they KNOW what they do is WRONG. They like it!!!

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Kristin says January 3, 2019

I remember when you first started out, you were still with your husband and had hope. I’m pretty sure that was you, please correct me if I’m wrong. I didn’t follow you for a long time because of that. I knew it couldn’t be cured. At least not in my husband’s family. It was ingrained and it still is. It’s so hard to watch people (new people) believe in them and think they’ve met the best of friends — only to know what is coming. My discard has been brutal. He will not divorce me and I’ve gone broke twice trying to obtain one. This time, I’m going into debt to do it. Please keep doing what you’re doing. The false hope that lures me back STILL has power over me, though I know the truth.

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    Kim Saeed says January 6, 2019

    Hi Kristin!

    Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I wasn’t with my ex when I first started out. I believe perhaps you’ve confused me with someone else. At any rate, I’m glad to know you are carving your path to freedom. Wishing you all the best!

    Kim XoXo

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    Diane says June 26, 2019

    About 16 years ago I was married to a narcissistic sociopath, (as diagnosed by the guardian ad litem that ‘he’ hired when he sued me for sole custody of our infant daughter.) Despite that he consistently told me to get out, he didn’t like that I actually left one day. PS. he didn’t win, just financially ruined me for a decade.

    At that time in 2004, there was a woman posting online (early blogging days) from Australia named Kim. That Kim was living with her husband at the time.

    I found this Kim because 16 years later I find that I am in the same ugly situation after staying single for over a decade and lots of therapy and finally feeling good about things.

    Kim Saeed is right about making sure you are completely healed. I did a bunch of short cuts, and avoided dating, but this recent issue shows I am still not healed.

    I am still attracted to them, so now here I am again, after taking years to crawl out from the last financial ruin only to have another one emotionally drain me and financially wreck me. At least this time I’m not beating myself up so much.
    At the age of 50, I am grateful to be living at friends house with my now 17 year old daughter, wondering if like the Narc, will I ever be healed. Pretty much proved no. No I am not.

    Kim Saeed had a post somewhere that said that maybe instead of suffering for the rest of my life, why don’t I reach out and try to help others. Honestly, that makes me feel better. She’s right about that, focusing on helping others does get the attention off the narc, until I can learn to focus on me again, this is very helpful.

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Kat N. says January 3, 2019

Thank you for this eye opening post! I’m a survivor of narcissist abuse and facts are what I prefer, not sales gimmicks or unproven antidotes. Kim, you keep me grounded in facts and resources that work in my recovery from narcissistic abuse. Keeping the focus on me and doing the steps which you’ve suggested is what has been most effective in getting happy and free from abuse. So thank you for having my back! I appreciate all you do and I pass your information along to friends and family members that have also encountered narcissistic relationships. (There is an epidemic of narcissism in the U.S.) Please keep up the wonderful work you do for us survivors! I am forever grateful!

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Monica Westfield says January 3, 2019

I love every single article you write. 💜✌🏽

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Nina Taylor says January 3, 2019

I stayed in a toxic marriage 12 years too long because of the assurance by a woman in Australia promoting “The Love Safety Net” that if I simply modified my behavior, the narcissist would change. Today, I’d like to punch that woman in the face. Narcissists do not change because they have absolutely no motivation to do so. To change in the face of a partner’s need would be to demonstrate empathy, and narcissists have none.

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SHK says January 3, 2019

my narcissistic ex-boyfriend who shattered my 2018 is now, when i’m finally moving on, saying i am the only person whom he wants a life with, that he wants us to start having children this year, that he can’t bear the thought of me with anyone else, that he will change everything and that he will do everything and anything to make me happy. he claims to have booked a therapist appointment next week and wants my approval to ask the doctor if we can have couples councelling.

and of course this totally messes with my head. just as i’m becoming fond of someone else, who treats me like a queen…

now more than ever i need confirmation they can’t be cured, before my weak and destroyed self risks throwing away something with great potential, for the same sack of coal wrapped in a ribbon…

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BKB says January 3, 2019

Malignant Narcissism CANNOT be cured. Even though Sam Vaknin, a twice-diagnosed clinical NPD claims that his cold-therapy ‘may provide’ relief (though it’s not guaranteed), this is a severe ‘burnout disorder’. Specifically, these sufferers experience psychotic breaks through intensive stress, and when a break occurs, a portion of the brain never recovers. According to some therapists I’ve spoken with, they tell me that it’s a permanent descent into Hell. All that the inflicted can do is manage their disorder by preventing further brain damage… through the use of meds specialists will recommend. I wouldn’t wish this kind of a disorder on my worst enemy as these individuals suffer horribly. Their behavior is testimony (in terms of how they try to manage their pain by offsetting it on unsuspecting individuals). For those who are not Borderline Personality Disordered, read Sam Vaknin’s book on Malignant Narcissism. By the 5th page, you’ll see all other 675 + pages are distorted. That’s why these sufferers are called mental lepers. If you leave one, don’t go back … because these personalities worsen with time, particularly if they are medically unsupervised.

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Evelyn Ryan says January 3, 2019

Excellent! Superb article! And no. There is no cure! A parasite is a parasite and likes being one regardless of its camouflage.

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    Kim Saeed says January 3, 2019

    Thank you, Evelyn! It’s just lovely to see you here 🙂

    Kim XoXo

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    Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

    They are predators, not parasites. Deadly heartless monsters. Feeding off of beautiful honest people/humans.
    I treat schizophrenics for a living. I don’t care about my oath I won’t treat or go near an ASPD when I get one. I can now “smell-them” now. Do not even need to test for the process to “identify” them. Notice the word “treat” is missing. Because there is NO cure. They do belong in society.

    Reply
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