can narcissism be cured

Can Narcissism Be Cured? Too Many Tricksters Are Providing False Claims

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Can narcissism be cured?

Better yet, can a person’s love cure the narcissist?

It’s an interesting and tantalizing question. Can there be a cure to the absurd and devastating insanity so many partners and their families experience?

A cure sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? So promising and so beautiful. With just X, Y, and Z, you can save your marriage!

By golly, you can simply change the way you approach things and – like magic – make the narcissist “bring the tenderness, thoughtfulness, and admiration that every partner craves and deserves!”

Simply follow a magical road map and become the adored partner that you’ve been dreaming of!  You can rebuild your sanity, and the narcissist’s toxic behaviors just melt away- like a distant memory.  Even more, you can become “ridiculously happy” in the process!

Let’s Slow Down

Let’s talk about the general landscape of mental health for a moment. Have we ever found a cure for depression? For addiction? For eating disorders? Have we located a complete treatment for anxiety or complex trauma?

The answer is no.  No reputable mental health professional would ever cite that there is a cure. Management, maybe. But a complete cure? Not a chance.

A cure is a lofty promise built on dangerous and false hope. It’s a promise that maintains people in sickness, holds marriages toxic, and keeps families dysfunctional.

Mental health doesn’t operate on a problem-cure basis. Mental health lies on a continuum of ebbs and flows. A cure doesn’t exist because a singular reason for mental health problems doesn’t exist, either.

Furthermore, personality disorders, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are notoriously challenging to treat. That’s because personality disorders encompass deeply ingrained, inappropriate behavioral patterns that often stem in childhood or adolescence.

Can Narcissism Be Cured?

This is not meant to be entirely dismissive. People can change- when they want to change. They can change when they are willing and desperate and hungry to do the work to change.

That said, this change requires multidimensional work. It requires an honest examination of self, of internal flaws, and of how individual behavior impacts other people. It also requires tremendous time, patience, and diligence.

Do you honestly believe the narcissist in your life can do that? Beyond their manipulation of telling you that they’re going to change for the thousandth time?

For one, most narcissists do not identify with having any valid problems. Instead, they interpret the rest of the world as problematic. Other people have the issues, and the narcissist becomes a victim to those alleged issues.

At some point, narcissists may become aware of their deceptive and manipulative tactics. However, unlike most people, instead of becoming embarrassed or ashamed of their behaviors, they react with indifference or even pride.

The mindset is along the lines of, why should I need to focus on self-improvement? If the world wasn’t so incompetent, if YOU weren’t so X, Y, or Z, I wouldn’t need to do resort to those tactics.

Are Change And Recovery Possible?

These are tricky questions. Most well-intentioned targets of narcissistic abuse desperately want to believe that their loved one can heal. They want to save their relationship and their family.  But it’s like holding onto hope that an abusive batterer will stop hitting his or her spouse.

We would never advocate that a battered spouse “stick it out” in the hopes that the situation changes.  Instead, we would direct this spouse to crisis hotlines and shelters. We would talk about safety plans and coping skills for leaving. We would never encourage one waits it out to see if things change.

Realistically, we know that they won’t.

Even with therapy available, most narcissists won’t seek sustainable treatment. Sure, they may agree to a session or two. Often, this is out of perceived obligation or as an attempt to “dazzle” the professional with their twisted ways.

In fact, therapy can be a fantastic resource to continuously flatter a narcissist’s ego- especially if he or she can lie and manipulate the clinician (which many can).

Remember that narcissists don’t believe they need to change. Instead, they believe the world around them needs to change.

Tricksters And Their False Claims

Googling ‘cure for Narcissistic personality disorder’ displays 735,000 results. As society becomes more aware of narcissism and its devastating impact, this number will continue to climb. This notion of a cure is a toxic rabbit hole.

Many “online sensations” capitalize on the vulnerability of mental health by offering false claims of so-called cures. They offer expensive courses and fancy “premium secrets” promising the answer to all your problems.

These promises are not only a waste of your time and money. They can wreak havoc on your emotional well-being. They can create unfair expectations and crashing disappointment when those expectations (inevitably) don’t get met.

Don’t put your faith in an online sensation because they have 100k followers or call themselves an expert.  Don’t listen when they say their spouse changed back into a loving person by following some road map or because they claim they’re a reformed narcissist (and that your narcissist can heal, too, if you just get them enrolled in ABC program!)

If you’re still asking, can narcissism be cured, it’s time to stop focusing on changing the narcissist and instead focus on your narcissistic abuse recovery.  Seeking your own growth and freedom is the closest semblance to a cure you’ll find from this hellish nightmare.


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Brenda says November 12, 2021

Finding this website has been a real blessing. I am trying to recover from a malignant narc (family). I have lived a very long time as a successful person (job, financial security, etc) developed with my own efforts. I survived a childhood of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Having achieved all this I felt guilty and that I had to “ share” my successes with my younger brother – who lived his life on the edge doing what he wanted when he wanted and how he wanted by his own rules (my parents rules for me were MUCH different than for him). I always felt guilty that “I made it” and he didn’t (this was very much supported by my parents). I made excuses for his behavior from a young age. I bought into his victim idealology. I knew he was borderline psychopath but never knew what a narc was until my parents were gone and he had no one else to “turn” to/on. Both parents gone, he was in prison (once again), just diagnosed with Stage 4 nmcc lung cancer. He had five years left to serve but I got him out on compassionate care so he could live his last days in comfort and care in my home. Well…… six years later – he is in remission and I am struggling to come to terms with how/why I am suffering from PSTD and learning about recovery from narc abuse. How I, an intelligent, caring, hard working person could be emotionally and financially broken in 6 years. I never saw it coming. I am struggling letting it go. He is currently in a state imposed (meaning this or prison) year long recovery program. I talk to him once a week for 10 mins. It never goes well. I live in dread of the phone calls, dread of the months passing, and the year ending. I am engulfed by dread and fear. I have considered disappearing but resentful at the thought of giving up my home and my life to escape. I share all this because I know a narc can’t change, they don’t want too. I share this because so many don’t believe in PSTD caused by narc abuse. I share this because as bad as the narc abuse is – recovery is just as hard and emotionally challenging. I share this because I am struggling with the changes I have to make in my life and who I am to survive a narc/abuse. I am angry – ironically at myself for allowing myself to land in this position. I know as a “new” survivor – not of narc abuse – but as a survivor entering into acceptance and recovery that it is scary, it is painful, it is something you cannot achieve alone or overnight. There is no magic pill. I share this because I had no idea help like what Kim provides existed, just as I had no idea what a narc was until I was so traumatized I consider suicide. I am encouraged by the people who share their stories because it validates that I am not crazy, I am not alone. I am encouraged to see that there is a recovery path and that people are sharing their successes as it gives me hope I can find myself again. The saying “It takes a village” is not just about raising well balanced children – it applies to recovery from abuse.

Karen says July 3, 2021

No. Plain and simple in my case anyway. I tried to be so kind to our sons partner never judged always felt sorry for her. In the end my household and daughter walked on egg shells the slightest thing she interpreted as wrong she jumped on. Everything I said and did along with my family was wrong . I truly in the end so madness in her.

Kelli says November 26, 2020

I have been married for 30 years. 3 years ago I found out about his secret life and addiction. Long story short, my husband’s father is a true narcissist, my husband just learned it from him, but inside was not a true narcissist. His traits and “personality” were due to a life time of pornography- he was a sex addict(exposed to and brought up around it since age 3). After I found out all that was hidden from me for 27 years, and he went into treatment for the sex addiction and gave up all porn, he is no longer showing ANY narcissistic behavior. He is kind, empathetic, emotional and truthful. He tells every one that he finally feels like the real him and that he had always wondered what happened to his empathy. He tells me all the time that he never liked who he was or how he acted, but didn’t feel like he had a choice. His upbringing taught him that that was how men are to be. No emotional closeness, keep all secrets, you are better that everyone else and you are the head of the household, blah, blah, blah. By escaping into his addiction, it became easy to transform into a narcissist and make it his personality. His father on the other hand has been called out for his narcissistic behavior and gets angry and does not think that he has a problem and that everyone else is the problem and will never change. I know it has only been 3 years since my husband sought treatment and quit his addiction, but there have been no slips or glimpses at all of the old personality traits. I do think that it depends on each individual and if they are using narcissism as a coping mechanism or if they truly have a personality disorder. The difference in my husband and his father is my husband always hated who he was, so hid behind the narcissism to make himself more confident, his father was and is proud of who he is and truly believes he is “all that”.

Terry Murphy says September 25, 2020

A serious question: Has Sam Vaknin, who is one of the academic experts on NPD as well as a self-proclaimed narcissist himself, cured himself? Or is he so malignantly narcissistic that he thinks he is taking the world for fools and exploiting them? He seems to have been very beneficial to the academia. The old proverb, ‘physician heal thyself’ seems to be the focus of my comment invoking the serious question: ‘Has Sam Vaknin cured himself? If so then there must be a possibility, though slim, of steering another willing malignant narcissist along the same pathway taken by Sam. What am I not seeing here?

    Kim Saeed says September 28, 2020

    Hi Terry, I haven’t followed him for years, so I don’t know the latest regarding his narcissism or whether he is claiming to be cured. He, himself, said it was impossible in his earlier works, so it would seem counterintuitive that he’d now say he’s cured.

    To address your latter question, narcissism cannot be cured. To date, there isn’t a single documented case of a cured narcissist. They might make slight changes in order to accomplish an agenda, but once that’s achieved, they go right back to their abusive ways. Many folks hope and wish there were a small window of possibility here, but I’ve never seen it happen, nor have my many colleagues in mental health and neuropsychology.

    Robert Lindsay says July 24, 2021

    Hello. First of all, Sam Vaknin is NOT a narcissist. More properly, he is a psychopath, sociopath, or he has malignant narcissism. But people with experience with NPD types say that Sam does and says things that no NPD would ever do or say. So he’s a fraud. Which makes sense, as he went to prison recently. NPD’s tend to stay out of prison. Psychopaths don’t.

    Also, he is now advertising himself as being able to cure NPD, he somehow got some fake degree somewhere, and he is now some sort of a psychological counselor or a professor in some university, fake or not, somewhere. So he bullshitted his way into that position the same as he has bullshitted his way into everything in his life.

    He doesn’t have NPD. He just thinks he does. If he does, he has the severely toxic type known as Malignant Narcissism.

    Granted, his work about the thinking of a narcissist has a lot of value for how a Cluster B person, sociopath or narcissist, thinks. The Cluster B types tend to all meld into each other. A lot of what he says rings true for Cluster B types in general.

    I listened to a podcast he recently finagled or bullshitted his way onto, and it was all about how he had developed some special cure for NPD, how it was available if you were willing to pay money (probably a lot), and how he was a fake professor at this gullible or fake university. Understand that everything about Sam has always been fake. Everything.

    Sure, he has a lot of insight into his condition, but notice he often said he doesn’t want to change. Or that he can’t change. Or that he can’t even want to change. Well, he went from those truths to “I can cure NPD!” His cure is fake. See Kim below on the fact that NPD is almost never if ever cured or curable. He claims he’s cured himself. He must be since he’s grifting his latest snake oil.

    But if you listen to the whole hour, he’s as NPD as he’s ever been, if not worse. It’s just him and his grandiosity – of an extreme level – bragging and posturing. Not only that but a very close listen after the full hour resulted in the conclusion that not only can he not cure NPD, but he doesn’t even think it can be cured or worst of all, it is not even possible for the person themself to want it to be cured!

    The whole hour was how NPD was not really a disorder, or if it was, it was a good thing, how everyone or as many as possible should be NPD, how aspects of NPD can help anyone succeed, and how NPD should actually be taught and cultivated in the schools with the goal of making everyone NPD or at least a bit NPD.

    NPD is good because the world is shit and everyone is an asshole! So NPD helps you realize this and be an even bigger one! On and on and on with all of the other stuff that we think is pathological ion NPD being actually adaptive because society itself is now so diseased that the best way to win is to be as NPD as possible. What we think is sick is really healthy. Up is really down and black is really white. Everything we know is wrong! Not only is he wrong, but also gaslighting all of us like all of these types to.

    Granted, there is some truth to that in capitalism, especially the individualistic and extremely competitive sort we have here (America is a much more competitive society than even Europe), being a huge asshole is often a requirement for success, but he’s not being helpful. The biggest asshole wins may be true. Look at billionaires. See any decent people? Me either.

    But this commonsense notion should not be taken as a sign to spread mass pathology throughout the population, make the world even lousier than it already is, and create even more assholes in a world that has way too many of them already.

    Quit thinking about Sam Vaknin, or only think of him after you incorporated the truth of my observations.

Alexandra Dedick says July 31, 2020

Narcissists never change. They only get worse with age. What I find interesting is how long I believed that MY love would change him. That if I could be a little more perfect, a little more giving, a little more funny, a little more complimentary then our fairytale love story would blossom. What I find was my biggest gift to my narcissist was that I thought that I was SPECIAL and that sooner or later he would realize how really special I was and that eventually, we would live happily ever after. I held on to that belief for 35 years and in the end, I was left alone, broke, tired, and empty – stripped of all my savings and all my real estate investments as well as my home. He had raided all of our finances, all of my finances to the point where I had to borrow money to cremate him when he died. I was left with nothing but debt from him. I lost everything. A lifetime worth of hard work and effort gone, spent by him.
But I also lost myself. He had raided me and slowly eroded my self confidence and self esteem. For without him I realized I was nothing. I, too, had been raided and he had stolen all of me as well. Let me re-iterate, I was left alone, broke, empty, tired, and old. A cautionary tale that unfortunately is true.

Fellowsurvivor says April 7, 2019

Yes, the narcissists can change. They can change their cloths, their hairstyle, their jobs, even their spouses or significant others, but they can’t change who and what they are.

Leslie Miller says April 5, 2019

Kim, thank you for posting this. It’s disturbing to witness “narc recovery” (opposed to recovering from narc abuse) as a new trend that some will benefit from financially, while further damaging the targets who suffered at the hands of these monsters. Over the years, my research and observation mirrors yours. They cannot be healed because they are incapable of self reflection and a resulting desire to change. Therapy is merely a stage for them to abuse the therapist with their performances and manipulative skill set. While there is a gradient in terms of performance style, they are all identical in their ethos. Please keep posting this! Awareness is crucial to the healing of those who don’t even know what hit them. I’ve seen people suffering intensely years after the narc is out of their life. We all know the devastating wake of damage they leave the target within. You’re work is important and greatly appreciated.

Matteo says April 5, 2019

my mother and brother died because of this Beast. After a orrible Life. and I stay away only not to burn him with terrible sufferings …. he must rot in hell.

Pucci says April 5, 2019

Kim, I wonder if you could clarify the difference(s) in dealing with a narcissist and someone who just has strong narcissistic tendencies? A lot of pages I come across talk about dealing with narcissists who have a full blown npd but are there not many people who may show a lot of those traits without being an actual out & out narcissist? I don’t know if I’m right in this but I’ve come to think of it as a spectrum, we all may have times where our narc behaviour increases but then you have people who are permanently at the top end of the spectrum and those are the types who would meet the criteria for an actual narcissist diagnosis, would that be correct? If it is a spectrum then I can see how someone at top end of that spectrum in not going to change, but a person who is usually much lower, maybe 30%, perhaps as a result of childhood trauma etc, who only shows very strong narcissistic behaviour at certain times over tears, do you think people in that category can be helped to control those tendencies with the right therapy/ support? Thank you for all your resources and insight that you share, they have been really beneficial for me and I look forward to learning more.

Anonymous says April 5, 2019

I would love to see a “cured Narcissist “ give a testimony that they can change because they were one .. what results or research has been given to prove this has been achieved on there journey… not just from clinical professionals…. the proof is in the pudding

Lisa says April 5, 2019

I met my narcissist on dating websites. It’s fertile ground for them on there. An article on how to ask the right questions to spot them would be helpful as I’m sure they groom their potential victims via chat and false profiles.

Lisa says April 5, 2019

Sadly they cannot be cured. I tried leading by example but it made no difference. In his eyes his only he was logical. The day I decided to leave was the day I realised the only change I’d see was one of increased escalation of poor behaviour. Only advice – get the hell out!

Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

Kim really has a firm grasp on the disorder. And she is a godsend to the world. Thank you for being there. Please keep writing and exploring and sharing what you learn. And Thank You so much the validation saves lives. John D

    Kim Saeed says April 12, 2019

    Thank you so much for your kind praise, Dr. Dempsey. It truly means a lot.

    Kim XoXo

Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

She is 50 plus years being and homicidal sociopath. Her father is a 75 y.o. life long criminal sociopath and he grandmother – a sole daughter, oddly, shipped off (alone) to “America” from a prominent Italian family 60 years before that. This deadly disordered is carry as a curse. Like sickle cell anemia. Only the searing burning pain of sickle cell ripping through the bones of your body while you live. Is a pail in comparison to the mental multigenerational pain of “Covert Malignant Narcistic ASPD coupled with Historic complications No, they think it is the world that is beneath them. “We” are the problem – to these inhuman monsters. They are freakish anomalies of the human spirit/condition and give the word “Demons” credence in this world for a reason. There is NO cure. It is terminal. Prison institutions – Lock away. From harming society. Think Joeseph Stalin 60 million people killed = Sociopath. No Cure.

PETER SISSON says April 4, 2019

It may also be involved that my wife is Dutch and it is quite true that they are arrogant in any case but she was abused as a child (both physically and emotionally) and hence, after 40 years of a terrible marriage, I too strongly believe that narcissism is simply NOT ‘repairable. Furthermore, I well knew that there was nothing but misery but I NEVER knew that she was a narc until recently. had I had known, I would have shot through faster than a speeding bullet. here I am 69years old with a suspected illness of C-PTSD and I’ll never get over it it seems

Teresa says April 4, 2019

After 18 years with a Covert narcissist I believe they can never change! How can someone change if they see nothing wrong with their actions!?

Joelle Amilcar says March 29, 2019

Bonjour à toutes
Cette article m’a éclairée par rapport à mon fils adulte ( ici on parle que de partenaires) je ne comprenais son comportement ! Il m’ignore ainsi que le reste de la famille , a “empreinté de l’argent à beaucoup de personnes qu’il n’a jamais remboursé, il m’a humiliée bien des fois , il est sensible aux critiques, ne me souhaite jamais anniversaires ,fêtes des mères ,je ne figure pas l’arbre généalogique qu’il a fait pour ses 2 enfants , (a l’âge de 7 ans mon petit fils ne savait pas que j’étais sa grand-mère ) jamais de contacts téléphoniques ou sms mais c’est toujours lui l’ignoré, la victime . Il profite des autres : il fait l’aimable et ne se déplace que s’il est invité , il héberge ses enfants chez les autres sans proposer une participation financière etc….
Cela dure depuis son adolescence ( il a 47 ans )
Maintenant JE SAIS .Cela me fait mal mais je coupe les ponts .
Merci pour votre article providentiel .

Donna says February 25, 2019

I prayed, I fast I tried all in hoping of change for 22 yrs. No change until now I left my narc husband of 19 yrs last 2/13. Finally after listening to no contact like a boss for a year. I It felt good to leave, but no contact has been broken already and it hasn’t been two weeks yet. NOW he wants to pretend to change. He wants to go to counseling, he promises to changed, he has apologized, he has tried everything under the sun except convert to Christianity. I wish any of this could be true, but I know better. Wishing I could vanish for a while, this is draining but I trust in my Creator. Thank you Kim for your book. I have the Audible “How to do no contact like a Boss” 6 am he shows up to my job with a gold watch and his tax info. He insist to hug and kiss me. Feeling like I have failed myself.

Elizabeth Aldam says January 7, 2019

I believe you are right.To speak of a “cure” is like asking the sun to rise on the West…it just does not happen that way.

Mary says January 4, 2019

No I do not believe narcissists can change after many years of every approach possible including kindness understanding and making excuses for bad behavior I firmly believe there is as some evidence shows a depletion of grey matter in the emotional section of the brain. Too much energy wasted I never actually being loved back. I think anyone who disagree with those statements that it can be cured by changing your approach

Brenda Barton says January 4, 2019

Whenever I hear anything about anyone becoming cured of Narcissism I am extremely sceptical and usually don’t believe it. period. For the main reason is the way that they see themselves and others. The one I dealt with saw himself as supperior , smarter, ect to other people in everyway. Why would he want to change when to him someone else was always (and I do mean ALWAYS ) to blame. Everyone else, the rest of us were incompitant idiots. and he sought out and exploited are mistaies and weaknesses therefore feeding his delusion of superiority. Everything he did was rationalized, minimized, justified, blamed or straight up denied. Why would he even want to try to change?

Christine Coupland says January 4, 2019

If the cure is a lobotamy….. I could buy into that. :/

    Mark says January 18, 2019


Shirley says January 3, 2019

Can a leopard change his spots? Can a Nubian change his skin color? I think not. Neither can satan cast out satan. Light and darkness cannot dwell together. He has a choice, yes, but has not changed in 30 years. I will not hold my breath. Love is supposed to get better in time not worse! Good riddance, demon! Shalom, wealth, health, restoration, recovery and healing will be ours (me and our son). We are learning from this hellish experience. We are repenting. We are growing and changing. Thanks for this article Kim. We need to know how our enemy operates.

Judith says January 3, 2019

I was a vulnerable n, who loves learning… I started by looking at alcoholics in my family…then stastar using the 12 steps program of AA to walk through that stuff… I was blessed to be able to get to a recovery hospital…where I met agape or unconditional love!!!…. I was terrified, and was released then… But invited back…
However when I accepted the feeling of love, I found it became the base of further recovery!!! It & God have supported me through lots of recovery. Eventually the gaps between issues get longer as we deal with issues and don’t react as much!!!

Hope that helps others too.

Savitree Surjoopersad says January 3, 2019

This article provides a fantastic insight about how Narcissisism cannot be cured. Rightly said it takes diligence and willingness to possibly for these kind of people to “to invent empathy and self awareness” only if they start to think the world and everyone not tonne blamed which is never going to happen. They are disconnected from reality so it’s a vicious circle.
Good read
Thanx Kim

Sara says January 3, 2019

Spot on! While I still believe anyone can change it is only after I have been in intense psychotherapy for a year and a half, gone to my support group, enlisted the aid of this website and given all of the above, everything I have within me with God’s help to heal myself am I enjoying a much happier and fulfilling life. In one sense, I had no chioce but to choose narcissistic partners having been raised by one. It is my understanding narcissists do not experience their emotional world like others. God Bless them. That being the case, my worst, most painful day of despair that motivated me to change would not register with enough intensity to cause a person with NPD to get busy to find out Why and change. I have a compassion for them for this. I am grateful I didn’t have to start at a beginning that involved that much basic reconstruction of my emotional being. I understand that enough to know why the chances of an NPD becoming involved in their own transformation is very unlikely. My journey has had moments of terror on the way to learning my truths. They live in terror most every minute. Trying to help them is akin to trying to save a drowning alligator. They require a tough love only a professional could tackle IF the NPD could even show up. I can honestly say I love the narcissist’s who have been in my life and a few who still are. I have no expectations, I accept how they are and they are not allowed into my sacred space. God Bless us all on our journey to wholeness.

June McLane says January 3, 2019

I’m still here. Thank you.

Michelle Masters says January 3, 2019

The basis of the disorder stems from an inability to perceive any wrongdoing on their part. This fact alone precludes any hope of real or lasting change

    Kevin says July 26, 2019

    No, it’s not that they don’t think anything they do is wrong. They know right from wrong. They just don’t care. They like the feeling of power, of causing you fear, of thinking they are smarter, superior. Otherwise they have to admit the truth to themselves, which is they’re not better, smarter, or superior to anyone. Anyone can change: if they WANT to! It takes work, discipline, patience. Malignant Narcissists DON’T want to put in the work. They like the power and control they get from their twisted behavior. Make no mistake, they KNOW what they do is WRONG. They like it!!!

Kristin says January 3, 2019

I remember when you first started out, you were still with your husband and had hope. I’m pretty sure that was you, please correct me if I’m wrong. I didn’t follow you for a long time because of that. I knew it couldn’t be cured. At least not in my husband’s family. It was ingrained and it still is. It’s so hard to watch people (new people) believe in them and think they’ve met the best of friends — only to know what is coming. My discard has been brutal. He will not divorce me and I’ve gone broke twice trying to obtain one. This time, I’m going into debt to do it. Please keep doing what you’re doing. The false hope that lures me back STILL has power over me, though I know the truth.

    Kim Saeed says January 6, 2019

    Hi Kristin!

    Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I wasn’t with my ex when I first started out. I believe perhaps you’ve confused me with someone else. At any rate, I’m glad to know you are carving your path to freedom. Wishing you all the best!

    Kim XoXo

    Diane says June 26, 2019

    About 16 years ago I was married to a narcissistic sociopath, (as diagnosed by the guardian ad litem that ‘he’ hired when he sued me for sole custody of our infant daughter.) Despite that he consistently told me to get out, he didn’t like that I actually left one day. PS. he didn’t win, just financially ruined me for a decade.

    At that time in 2004, there was a woman posting online (early blogging days) from Australia named Kim. That Kim was living with her husband at the time.

    I found this Kim because 16 years later I find that I am in the same ugly situation after staying single for over a decade and lots of therapy and finally feeling good about things.

    Kim Saeed is right about making sure you are completely healed. I did a bunch of short cuts, and avoided dating, but this recent issue shows I am still not healed.

    I am still attracted to them, so now here I am again, after taking years to crawl out from the last financial ruin only to have another one emotionally drain me and financially wreck me. At least this time I’m not beating myself up so much.
    At the age of 50, I am grateful to be living at friends house with my now 17 year old daughter, wondering if like the Narc, will I ever be healed. Pretty much proved no. No I am not.

    Kim Saeed had a post somewhere that said that maybe instead of suffering for the rest of my life, why don’t I reach out and try to help others. Honestly, that makes me feel better. She’s right about that, focusing on helping others does get the attention off the narc, until I can learn to focus on me again, this is very helpful.

Kat N. says January 3, 2019

Thank you for this eye opening post! I’m a survivor of narcissist abuse and facts are what I prefer, not sales gimmicks or unproven antidotes. Kim, you keep me grounded in facts and resources that work in my recovery from narcissistic abuse. Keeping the focus on me and doing the steps which you’ve suggested is what has been most effective in getting happy and free from abuse. So thank you for having my back! I appreciate all you do and I pass your information along to friends and family members that have also encountered narcissistic relationships. (There is an epidemic of narcissism in the U.S.) Please keep up the wonderful work you do for us survivors! I am forever grateful!

Monica Westfield says January 3, 2019

I love every single article you write. ?✌?

Nina Taylor says January 3, 2019

I stayed in a toxic marriage 12 years too long because of the assurance by a woman in Australia promoting “The Love Safety Net” that if I simply modified my behavior, the narcissist would change. Today, I’d like to punch that woman in the face. Narcissists do not change because they have absolutely no motivation to do so. To change in the face of a partner’s need would be to demonstrate empathy, and narcissists have none.

SHK says January 3, 2019

my narcissistic ex-boyfriend who shattered my 2018 is now, when i’m finally moving on, saying i am the only person whom he wants a life with, that he wants us to start having children this year, that he can’t bear the thought of me with anyone else, that he will change everything and that he will do everything and anything to make me happy. he claims to have booked a therapist appointment next week and wants my approval to ask the doctor if we can have couples councelling.

and of course this totally messes with my head. just as i’m becoming fond of someone else, who treats me like a queen…

now more than ever i need confirmation they can’t be cured, before my weak and destroyed self risks throwing away something with great potential, for the same sack of coal wrapped in a ribbon…

BKB says January 3, 2019

Malignant Narcissism CANNOT be cured. Even though Sam Vaknin, a twice-diagnosed clinical NPD claims that his cold-therapy ‘may provide’ relief (though it’s not guaranteed), this is a severe ‘burnout disorder’. Specifically, these sufferers experience psychotic breaks through intensive stress, and when a break occurs, a portion of the brain never recovers. According to some therapists I’ve spoken with, they tell me that it’s a permanent descent into Hell. All that the inflicted can do is manage their disorder by preventing further brain damage… through the use of meds specialists will recommend. I wouldn’t wish this kind of a disorder on my worst enemy as these individuals suffer horribly. Their behavior is testimony (in terms of how they try to manage their pain by offsetting it on unsuspecting individuals). For those who are not Borderline Personality Disordered, read Sam Vaknin’s book on Malignant Narcissism. By the 5th page, you’ll see all other 675 + pages are distorted. That’s why these sufferers are called mental lepers. If you leave one, don’t go back … because these personalities worsen with time, particularly if they are medically unsupervised.

Evelyn Ryan says January 3, 2019

Excellent! Superb article! And no. There is no cure! A parasite is a parasite and likes being one regardless of its camouflage.

    Kim Saeed says January 3, 2019

    Thank you, Evelyn! It’s just lovely to see you here 🙂

    Kim XoXo

    Dr. John Dempsey says April 5, 2019

    They are predators, not parasites. Deadly heartless monsters. Feeding off of beautiful honest people/humans.
    I treat schizophrenics for a living. I don’t care about my oath I won’t treat or go near an ASPD when I get one. I can now “smell-them” now. Do not even need to test for the process to “identify” them. Notice the word “treat” is missing. Because there is NO cure. They do belong in society.

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