Wondering how to get over a narcissist?
If you’re here, I imagine you are.
Truth be told, it’s a mission that seems almost impossible.
You know that. I know that. Everybody knows that.
But is it possible to avoid things that delay healing in narcissistic abuse recovery? Maybe put us in line to heal a little faster?
Absolutely.
In this post, you’ll learn some examples of strategies to help us heal faster and those that bring us to a screeching halt.
Let’s start by talking about the placebo effect.
The placebo effect
Many of us have heard of the placebo effect, which asserts that the subconscious mind is so powerful, your thoughts have the ability to manifest healing.
There have been numerous studies published proving the amazing power of your mind in recovery. In one such study designed to determine if the beneficial effects still exist when a patient is aware they’re receiving a placebo, nearly 60 percent of the patients given a placebo pill reported satisfactory relief from the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), compared to only 35 percent of those who did not receive any treatment.
Even more astonishing, those who took the placebo reported progress that was effectively equal to that reported from people taking the strongest IBS medications![1]
Placebos generally have far fewer side effects (if they have any at all) than prescription drugs, injections or actual surgeries – and they often work just as well as the standard of care. In fact, placebos work about 18-80% of the time, and not just in your head – they can actually dilate bronchial tubes, heal ulcers, make warts disappear, drop your blood pressure, and even make bald men who think they’re getting Rogaine grow hair![2]
The Nocebo Effect in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Unfortunately, the placebo effect has a doppelganger called the nocebo effect (“I will harm” in Latin), and its power is bringing about negative outcomes because of one’s belief in them. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in which being informed of a pill or procedure’s potential side effects can actually provoke adverse reactions.
So what does all of this mean in the world of narcissistic abuse recovery?
The longer you research narcissism (past a reasonable limit) and hang out on the wrong narcissistic abuse “recovery” forums, the longer it could take you to heal, both psychologically and physically.
Some people never heal.
One sad example of the nocebo effect is evident via a comment left on my blog. A lady had been on one of the “recovery” forums and was told it takes ten years to process having been in love with a narcissist (with its devastating betrayals) and another ten years to heal.
So, according to the advice this woman received, she was ready to believe that she wouldn’t heal for approximately twenty years.
And that’s the danger of following the wrong abuse recovery forums and pages when you’re learning how to get over a narcissist. A true recovery forum will focus less on narcissism and more on how to heal from the effects of it. A true recovery forum will help its followers transition out of the dark place of devastation into a place of empowerment and healing.
If a blog or recovery forum you follow is publishing the hundredth post about gas lighting, it may not be the right forum for you if you truly want to heal. If a site you visit consistently complements their narcissism posts with psychologically damaging visuals, you’ll want to think twice about what their true motives are.
How to get over a narcissist
The effects of narcissistic abuse are very real. I see evidence of it every day and experienced narcissistic abuse myself. But, when it comes to how to get over a narcissist, there should be an organic transition from learning about the tactics of the narcissist to how to heal from those tactics.
For example, if you suspect you have a medical condition, you might go to a website such as WebMD and type in your symptoms. The natural progression would be “what to do” in order to heal the condition. You wouldn’t focus for years on looking up the symptoms. You would make an appointment with a doctor and do what you needed to do in order to get better. You might change your diet, commit to getting more rest, or create more balance in your life.
The same goes for healing from narcissistic abuse.
The longer you focus on narcissistic abuse, the longer the nocebo effect can take its toll on you. There is no benefit in continuing to research narcissism years after the experience unless you are studying to be a therapist, coach, or another such healer.
The longer you focus on narcissistic abuse and its devastating consequences, the longer the nocebo effect will take a toll on your health, livelihood, and mortality. There is simply no benefit in continuing to research narcissism five to ten years after the experience with a narcissist unless you are studying to be a licensed therapist, social worker, or another such healer.
In the event that you want to make sure you never attract another narcissist into your life, there are only two things you need, neither of which have to do with a narcissist. Learn what they are here.
Of course, if you are just learning that someone in your life could be a narcissist, you’ll want to educate yourself about their behaviors and what to expect. But, I would recommend limiting such research to six months or so – much like an academic subject in college. Then, you’ll want to graduate to the area of healing yourself.
Choosing habits that heal
The thing to remember is that in every moment we are alive, we have the power to choose. If you’re feeling powerless in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, the empowering alternative is to learn ways to bring yourself out of the ashes of devastation. Focus on how to love yourself, how to create healthy boundaries, and the power of energy healing.
Many of the wounds we need to repair in order to heal and grow from the experience of narcissistic abuse lie on the subconscious level. If you are feeding your psyche more and more material revolving around misery and defeat, then it will do little more than keep you in that disempowering place. Instead, hang out with people that are choosing healing habits. Follow forums that encourage you to move forward, not ones that keep you in a place of powerlessness and resignation.
If you know you need to purge the horrific addiction and devastating emotional and spiritual contamination from a narcissist, then consider The Break Free Program. Healing is a process that can open up some truly transformative revelations and opportunities when we give ourselves the chance to recover and thrive.
Please know that as crippling as it feels to finally break free from abuse, there is an end to it. The body and mind know how to heal themselves when we create the conditions for them to do so.
[1]
PLoS ONE December 22, 2010
[2]
Psychology Today August 6, 2013
