you are in control of your feelings

LMR Saturday Survivor – Inspirational Stories from the Front Line

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Submitted by ~Healing~

I have been true NC for five weeks now. It feels like 6 months. I still get sad but it comes and goes. When I first left him my friends checked on me continuously and supported me 24-7. But after a couple weeks, much like when there is a death in the family, people move on while I am not 100% healed yet. I feel this is when the real self-healing begins and it is hard.

So often I read comments from people who are overcome with sadness while they are commenting and needing help. I recognize that feeling but I also know no matter how sad I get now it is nothing compared to how sad he purposefully used to make me feel. And It is important to point out those other moments when I’m NOT sad and actually enthusiastic and excited about the new possibilities for my future.. I am happy everyday but only because I force myself to be happy – and what I mean by that is when I get upset about a random thought about him, I tell myself it is ok to be upset. I let it go through me and I take deep breaths until that panic-sick feeling in my belly subsides. I walk to a different room or location for a few minutes and look out a window. I tell myself that no matter how upset I am, or how unfair it is that he appears happy while I am left to clean up his crap, that how I feel about it doesn’t matter in the end. It honestly won’t change anything. The situation will be the same. The ONLY way it will affect me is if I let it by contacting him. If I don’t contact him, i win and get one step closer to being ok. I can remember this will pass and I won’t feel like this forever.

People always say life is short…but sometimes I feel the opposite is true. Life is long,- and you and I have all the time in the world to heal and make a better life for ourselves. This will pass, you will pull yourself out of this even if it feels like it takes forever and sometimes circles back on itself, you’ll get there. Just keep going. Smile, know you are not the only one experiencing this, and yes, it will be over one day. Despite what he or she may have told you, only YOU are in control of your feelings after NC. I hope this helps some people the way other comments on here have helped me in the past 5 weeks.

Does this article resonate with you?  Check out How to Do No Contact Like a Boss!  Highly recommended for those who are presently in relationships that bring them pain and misery. This book will give you the emotional strength and practical support it takes to detach from love that hurts. If you currently hesitate about leaving your partner even though you know they are no good for you, this book can help!

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BookOfBokeh says October 7, 2014

Your blog is a shocking dose of reality. I’ve never met that sort of person, never been that sort of person, but know that they must exist. I am sorry you had to go through it and glad that you are out.

New Beginnings says October 5, 2014

You should consider yourself lucky.

I was in a marriage for 20 years with my Narc. It has been almost 3 years and I am still healing. These people can create a lot of damage to your psyche.

Be thankful with the knowledge you have gained about this personality type. This will aid you in being less susceptible to future encounters with other Narcs. They are everywhere.

Healing says October 4, 2014

Is it irony this was published on the day I was told he already has a new supply? I felt a bolt of lightening hit my chest and spread through my body when my friend told me he brought another woman with him to a weekend party for mutual friends (I politely declined because I knew he would be there and knew it would be too much too soon for me). But I had no idea how rude and mean he could be (ok I did but this hurts a lot). So I cried. I couldn’t help it. And then I got mad at myself for being upset over a total jackass N who I know for a fact will do the same thing to her and that he did it on purpose to hurt me thinking I would be at that party. I thought I’d never stop crying today….and then I did. I was starting to have moments of wishing we were together again and being sad and now he just reminded me what a jerk he is. I’d say thank you but I went NC. Lol.

Teresa Song says October 4, 2014

Thank you Healing :). You explained it perfectly.

Jules says October 4, 2014

THANK YOU for this post! Everything you wrote is true. I’m 5 months into it and still have many sad days, but the happier days are becoming more frequent. I like what you do when the sadness takes over–just letting it happen and walk away for a few minutes makes more sense than fighting it. And….you have given me hope that this will get better!

Thank you soooo much!

scar11et says October 4, 2014

My N left me 7 weeks ago and last made contact last week to collect a couple of bits. I made sure I was not around when he came over. I felt elated once he got his top and magazines back a real sense of relief it was finally over. So why am I feeling so sad now. He was a huge part of my life but now I don’t know where he lives or what he’s doing. My home feels empty without his energy. Memories are everywhere. I am trying to work through this dreadful sense of sadness and loss …It was only 18 months. He left on good terms and we said we would miss each other. Well he said that to me and now he’s turned on me. I am shocked. I now realise his ex was his supply. Do N have more than one supply?

Miss says October 4, 2014

Thank you for the inspiration.

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