Submitted by ~Healing~
I have been true NC for five weeks now. It feels like 6 months. I still get sad but it comes and goes. When I first left him my friends checked on me continuously and supported me 24-7. But after a couple weeks, much like when there is a death in the family, people move on while I am not 100% healed yet. I feel this is when the real self-healing begins and it is hard.
So often I read comments from people who are overcome with sadness while they are commenting and needing help. I recognize that feeling but I also know no matter how sad I get now it is nothing compared to how sad he purposefully used to make me feel. And It is important to point out those other moments when I’m NOT sad and actually enthusiastic and excited about the new possibilities for my future.. I am happy everyday but only because I force myself to be happy – and what I mean by that is when I get upset about a random thought about him, I tell myself it is ok to be upset. I let it go through me and I take deep breaths until that panic-sick feeling in my belly subsides. I walk to a different room or location for a few minutes and look out a window. I tell myself that no matter how upset I am, or how unfair it is that he appears happy while I am left to clean up his crap, that how I feel about it doesn’t matter in the end. It honestly won’t change anything. The situation will be the same. The ONLY way it will affect me is if I let it by contacting him. If I don’t contact him, i win and get one step closer to being ok. I can remember this will pass and I won’t feel like this forever.
People always say life is short…but sometimes I feel the opposite is true. Life is long,- and you and I have all the time in the world to heal and make a better life for ourselves. This will pass, you will pull yourself out of this even if it feels like it takes forever and sometimes circles back on itself, you’ll get there. Just keep going. Smile, know you are not the only one experiencing this, and yes, it will be over one day. Despite what he or she may have told you, only YOU are in control of your feelings after NC. I hope this helps some people the way other comments on here have helped me in the past 5 weeks.
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