- Excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered.
- Characterized by arrogance, selfishness, greed, and a sense of entitlement.
An inflated ego can lead to significant issues in interpersonal relationships. Individuals with strong narcissistic traits often view others as means to an end, feeling entitled to do whatever it takes to fulfill their desires. This mindset frequently results in the exploitation of others for personal gain.
The criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (DSM-IV) align with these traits, stating that individuals with this disorder:
- Have a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Possess a sense of entitlement, expecting favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations
- Are interpersonally exploitative, taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends
Understanding Empaths
Empaths, while not devoid of ego, operate differently. For an empath, ego primarily manifests in judgments of others and feelings of anger or resentment. These ego-driven emotions usually arise after witnessing acts of cruelty, unfairness, or similar incidents that contradict their values. Empaths primarily operate from a place of empathy, humility, and generosity. They possess a natural capacity for healing and teaching others. However, until they learn to use these gifts responsibly, they’re often taken advantage of by various people in their lives, including romantic partners.
Many empaths are unaware of their nature and may go through life feeling used and unfulfilled. The empath persona encompasses several personality types and traits, including:
- INFJ
- ENFJ
- Melancholic
- Introvert
- Intuitive
(These are the main types, listed for reference)
The Dynamics at Play
An empath’s core purpose often involves facilitating healing in others, sometimes at the expense of their own needs. They tend to be more attuned to external emotions and situations than their internal state. Generally non-violent and non-aggressive, empaths lean towards being peacemakers. They find disharmony distressing and will strive to resolve conflicts quickly or avoid them altogether.
Due to these tendencies, unaware empaths may remain in relationships with toxic personalities for extended periods. Many empaths develop people-pleasing behaviors in childhood to cope with the perceived unfairness in the world and to please others. These behaviors often persist into adulthood until a significant life event forces them into self-awareness. Empaths typically operate from their authentic selves, even if they’re unaware of their empathic nature. They align with life-affirming forces, healing, and the urge to create positive change, often manifesting in their attempts to “fix” people or situations.
Narcissists, conversely, lack an authentic self. Their ego demands attention to its concerns in a way that insists upon separation and control. This hinders their ability to form genuine bonds with others and explains why their concept of reality revolves around fulfilling their ego’s demands. As a result, they often use people without regard for the pain they cause.
When empaths and narcissists form relationships, it creates a dysfunctional dynamic. The empath gives to the point of exhaustion, continually trying to “fix” the narcissist and the relationship. However, the narcissist’s ego prevents them from considering others’ perspectives, leaving no motivation for change. Attempts to “help” the narcissist often exacerbate their behavior as it contradicts their ego’s desires. This dynamic can be profoundly disorienting for the empath, who may be emotionally devastated by the relationship. However, this experience often leads to a personal crisis that results in self-discovery and transformation for the empath. The narcissist, meanwhile, typically remains unchanged. Understanding these dynamics can help empaths recognize unhealthy relationships and prioritize their own well-being while also highlighting the importance of self-awareness and personal growth.
